Prologue
A flash of blinding pink light accompanied by a savage roar of thunder… a scream which tore through it… Someone was screaming but who? I couldn’t recall, because even as loud as those sounds were they too vanished in the thick, enveloping darkness which consumed all.
Floating inside the black pool which consisted from unknown substance heavier than water, I could feel myself descending down slowly. There was no bottom, nor was there anything up or around me, only this thick miasma. In fact it was all so confusing that I began to wonder if I was falling at all or if everything around me was simply rising, as there was no familiar feeling of gravity pulling me towards itself.
Trapped inside this prison…
I tried to move my limbs but there was no response…did I still had any of my limbs? No longer was I certain about it. Searching inside myself, I tried to concentrate on my feelings…there were there right? The primal feeling of existence which let me feel alive.
All of my memories seemed foggy; inconsistent mass grasping at the edge of reasoning. I could feel this odd certainty that something bad happened but my mind refused to look back as if protecting me from harm… Still, I persisted, I wanted to know what I was? who I was? Where I belonged and what was taken away from me so that feel this emptiness?
No salvation anywhere…
I wanted to scream for help but no sound came from my throat, I wanted to run but no legs were found… As I continued my struggle the realization hit me…I was alone and afraid. The warmth that I once knew, no longer resided inside me, the ethereal feeling of closeness forever stolen away.
Fear overtook my senses…
Striped from everything which held any meaning I just wanted it to be over… this state of non existing. I wanted something to happen and so, my mind began to throw me random ideas…like it always did, or so I thought It used to be that way.
My imagination, my only escape…
Images flowed through my mind, some pleasant, others chilling me to the bone. Tears didn’t fall, no sound was heard, but there was something. A spark of feeling long forgotten, one that I yearned to re-discover again but couldn’t do it on my own… Something akin to a key was missing and there was no lock in sight.
There was path home, but I lost it somewhere…
The more I stayed inside the darkness the emptier I felt, as if my very soul was sucked out of me, colors fading, sadness painting over pieces of my broken heart. Little did I know that it was only beginning of a true nightmare, one that will lead me through many horrors that only life can offer…but onward, towards new future, full of possibilities.
Horrors awaited, slowly tearing me apart…
I think I vaguely remember my name. It is…was Spike or so I think someone used to call me like that, someone close to me. I don’t remember that person well but my mind refuses to forget its existence at all cost. This one small spark of recognition made me want to tell that person this story… even if I don’t remember who it is but I’m sure she would be interested…
But you were there with your warm light…
I don’t want to be alone anymore, with the pain, anger and the suffering. I think it is time to wake up finally. But would I dare to simply come out of the illusion and live as if everything is alright… will it be that easy? Something was lost along the long way, will it be rediscovered? Maybe not, but it is worth a try.
My will steeled, resolve made, I will with all my existence to escape… to break free from invisible shackles that bind me. There is fear in me, because I’m afraid of unknown but somepony once told me that sometimes you just have to be brave. I believe in that person and know that the pain will soon go away. Now… I wake up… to my lost freedom…
You gave me hope, returned my heart…
Chapter 1 - Awakening
Beep…Beep…Beeep…*click*
The annoying sound from a small cell phone continued relentlessly until it was silenced by a slim male hand. As soon as the hellish device stopped its merciless beeping, a muffed groan escaped from under the sheets and soon the owner of the room sat up on the simple bed while rubbing his tired eyes with his left hand. Whatever dream he had was long forgotten by now as he tiredly looked at the calendar on a nearby wall.
I hate Mondays – his thoughts wandered seeing the date as he prepared to get up. The wood cracked slightly under his feet as he finally stood up. Looking around his room in disbelief with his green eyes he could only sigh in more defeat. There was a black desk before him where his old computer was humming silently amongst books and other stuff. To his right was the wardrobe but it was empty now, as his clothes lay around the floor in disarray. It was messy, certainly befitting the title of ‘male territory’.
Sighing to himself once more, the young boy, nearly and adult now made his way through his possessions. He moved towards the door, but as soon as he touched the handle, loud voices of his parents could be heard from the other side as they talked like they always did.
“I don’t care, soon he will be over eighteen and that means we have no obligation to keep him or feed him anymore. Either he starts to bring money home or he is out!” He could clearly hear rough voice of his father who he hated with all his heart.
The old man was as always drinking from the early morning till late night and was already going about his only son bringing money while he himself was just a lazy jobless drunkard . He heard this every single day of the past year and the fear for his very life chilled him to the bone as the feeling of executioner’s ax was looming over his head. Remaining quiet he decided to listen further even if he already knew what his mother would say in reply.
“I full agree with you dear.” Sounded the little, scarred voice. His mother was a coward… a rat, as always only covering for herself and never protecting him like a mother should, remaining content as long as the head of the house wasn’t threatening her. Too scared to simply leave, she always followed his every whim even when he abused both of them verbally and physically. For the boy she was no more than a simple stranger who happened to share the same hell on earth and nothing more.
Before making his way out of his room, the young boy looked at his reflection in the mirror on the wall, hating everything about his life and especially himself. His tired eyes were bloodshot and his body was very thin, the marks left by not eating properly and abuses of past clearly showing. He was soon going to turn eighteen but instead of being happy like most teenagers his age would be, he was actually scared of growing up. Scared, because it won’t be freedom he will gain but even more torture or maybe even death.
- Why me? – He thought to himself, closing his heavy eyelids, as he tried to remember all of his life.
From the very early years he had it rough. His father always drank and would hit him and his mother over everything or just for the simple fun o it. Often would his own mother say that everything was ‘the kid fault’ for which he suffered more. He could feel his fists clench inwardly, remembering how cowardly it was of her but couldn’t bring himself to cry for his tears already stopped falling long time ago.
School wasn’t any better. He never had any friends because the only ones that was made were always wanting to use him, considering him a trash in comparison to them. Always alone, he grew up never knowing the meaning of friendship, never having anyone to talk to. Bitterness filled his whole life but he always moved forward with small hope that one day something will change… and where did this hope lead him?
Nearly an adult now, he still suffered and no salvation ever came, no friends were made, no understanding offered, no comfort given. Day after day he suffered, trapped in cage of loneliness, convincing himself that he doesn’t need anyone, that he is perfectly capable of living his own life.
Of course all of this didn’t mean he could withstand everything. He attempted suicide four times but he could never bring himself to end it like he should. His life was the only thing he had in this rotten world and he decided long ago never to give it up because it would be the ultimate victory of abuse over him. Looking closer at his reflection in mirror, he began to wonder if it was the right choice after all.
-0Never give up, no matter how bad hand of cards the life gives you…what a nonsense – He thought, jaw clenched tight. He remembered countless times when he tried to turn everything around but there was always some obstacle. No money, no friends, no place to go, no knowledge, his father, bullies at school… always something that kept him from happiness. If God was out there somewhere, he wondered why did he have to suffer like that for never doing anything wrong, but the answer was obvious… he simply did because the God didn’t exist.
Sighing to himself heavily, he looked at his old computer. One may say that living his days before the monitor wasn’t healthy or good. However, for the boy it was the temporary escape from reality that he loathed so much. After every week in which he tried to look for work, failing day after day because he never had any friend that would recommend him, he would sit before the machine to learn, to read…
He enjoyed reading stories from his favorite shows and games. The fan-fictions were there for him, teaching him about that which he never got, the lessons of friendship, the meaning of love, it was a window to the world he never knew…
All of it was there, in this little box, even if he couldn’t fully experience it. Those who wrote those stories were great people in his opinion for they shared their perspective and ideas on life which was implicated between words they expressed…but for some reason even they never wanted to talk with him.
He especially liked more naïve series because they offered the purity, the adventures for both young and old audience which warmed his cold heart for short periods of time. Often would he find himself wishing to be in one of those worlds to have adventures along many friends, instead of everyday spent in this hell on earth… But that was only wishful thinking as nothing ever happened and years were wasted time and time again.
As another heavy sigh escaped his thin lips, he braced himself before meeting up with his parents, deciding that he already lost too much time daydreaming. The boy needed to look for work, even if it was a lost cause since in the small town where he lived no one had need of his knowledge…the friends were what counted and he didn’t had any. Pressing the handle, he opened the door and entered the Pandora box which he knew by the name of the living room.
***Later***
Later the same day, the tired silhouette of the boy slipped once again inside the messy room. Moving his heavy legs forward he didn’t bother to look on what part of his wardrobe he stepped on. He was glad that it was quiet now as his father went to drink outside which offered some silence for his tired mind. Everything looked the same and nothing changed… it never did.
Tiredly looking at his computer, he slowly made his way to the chair, sat down and started to browse the stories. Recently he found new series going by the title of “My Little Pony – Friendship is Magic”. The title at first sounded awfully cheesy to him, it was too sweet… he felt that he could puke with rainbow for it was too… no right word came to mind, BUT…
He decided to give it a try and it quickly absorbed his attention. With every single episode he watched, there was something that kept him going, as if some big mystery awaited him at the end. This series was different from others, he could instantly tell but why?
Determined to find out the reason behind this feeling he watched and learned but then it ended…like series it always did and the very last episode left him hungry for more, his mind telling him there were untold adventures. Never in his life had he experienced so many genuine emotions but why would that be? It was only a cartoon right?
After watching the main show, he decided to see the movie…but somehow he didn’t enjoy it one bit. It seemed off, it was too disconnected from the main series, it was like a badly written fan-fiction, especially the guy called Flash Sentry who gave out a hollow feeling as if he lacked soul… this saddened the boy.
Twilight, his favorite character also was out of character out there for some reason. As far as he knew her personality, it wasn’t supposed to fall for someone because accidently bumping into him and why was she interested in romancing human at all? This movie was a failure in his opinion, especially when Spike, by all means intelligent creature became a dog instead of human like Twilight. The whole thing just felt wrong to him and hurt his feelings.
As soon as he watched all of the media and read all the comics and then decided to browse for art and fan-fiction and was astonished to find the whole site dedicated to this series. It didn’t happen most of the time with popular shows and it was a pleasant surprise to find a site dedicated to this show.
His happiness however, was short lived as the search engine annoyed him greatly, for he couldn’t easily find stories with his favorite pairings by writing in search bar, since he found too much and couldn’t narrow his search enough… it frustrated him.
He was thankful however, that there were groups that managed to get some of the stories in one place which helped him greatly. Clop-fiction still was a territory that he felt unsure about but he did read some of them anyway. While he thought that mature acts are the form of love, some of them really started too soon and for various, sometimes random and silly reasons… still, it was a work someone did and it deserved recognition, no matter how mad the whole idea was.
Today, like he always did after tiring day, he too was searching for a story which would occupy his time and will sweep his mind away from the reality. Browsing through the links, he soon found the title that made him cast a curious glace “Friendship: Reanimation”.
The title sounded awful and whoever came up with something so lame, clearly was trying to sound awesome by making it resemble one of Matrix movie titles. In the boy opinion that person failed miserably. Nonetheless, he read the description and it seemed to be a Spilight story which was enough for the boy to at least see what was going on. Clicking on the link he opened the first chapter, which seemed to be a short prologue and started to read curiously.
As the letters slowly went before his eyes, the cogs of his mind slowly started to move, showing him images and an odd sense of déjà vu dawned on him… His attention absorbed fully when the feelings of void enveloped his heart, pumping blood faster and sending chill run down his spine.
The more he read of the strange prologue, the more this irrational fear overtook him. He could feel himself sweating uncontrollably, but continued, unable to move his eyes away, familiar images went through his mind paralyzing him completely, each like a thunder that hit him. The sounds of surroundings and the quiet hum of computer went away unnoticed as he trembled all over, not noticing small, white cracks around the room space, as it slowly fall apart, exposing the darkness.
He sat in there like a stone gargoyle, eyes no longer looking at the luminescent glow of monitor but staring deep inside the darkness. He was no longer sure if he was sitting or standing, as only the feeling of existing burned inside him. The memories flooded his mind, the past experiences exploding in a myriad of colors as his heart throbbed and head radiated from too much feelings which awoke from long slumber. He found the key to the lock he himself created… he was finally… free…
He looked down at his purple scaly hands which felt both familiar and alien to him. Moving his talons in recognition a new wave of memories of last day in Ponyville assaulted him with more strength than others as something clicked in his mind, broken pieces becoming whole again.
***Flashback***
Deep under the Golden Oak Library, two creatures were moving about the small room, their actions calculated, with purpose, as they prepared everything for what was to come. The laboratory housed many vials, magic circle, ingredients and books…especially books but not those that would be upstairs for everypony to borrow. Those were special, only to be used by the owner of this house and nopony else.
“I don’t know about this Twilight…this spell looks too complicated.” Spike said nervously, looking at the mare to his left, while holding the book in his claws. The newly crowned alicorn princess however, didn’t seem to hear him at first as she continued to double check many preparations which were made earlier. Upon finishing, she gave a content smile and looked at her number one assistant.
“Relax Spike, I did enough research and the deadline that Princess Celestia set is coming closer and closer.” Came her reassuring reply but for some reason he didn’t feel calmed at all. His lifelong friend often was rash in her actions, especially when it came to research for the Goddess of Sun and he knew Twilight long enough to recognize hidden nervousness in her voice… she wasn’t sure about everything herself and it was up to Spike to change her mind from being reckless.
“But the Princess wouldn’t want you to try casting it, even if the deadline was near!” He reasoned, but already knew that it was pointless. Once Twilight assured herself that she needs to do something on time, she simply did and never listened to the baby dragon with mental age of a teenager. He often wished to be bigger for maybe then others would finally listen to him.
“If the Princess gave me a deadline like this, it must mean she is confident in my skill to finish my assignment on time. This also means I must be ready Spike.” Twilight Sparkle argued while furrowing her eyebrows at her assistant, trying once again to calm him down while she herself was so uncertain. Spotting the unsure look in his green eyes she smiled even more warmly, for she quickly recognized that there was no further need to reassure him but different approach was needed. After all what could go wrong?
“Listen. I’m only sending one apple to the void and its mass is not so big. If it won’t work then nothing dangerous happens because the un-stability of magic power would revert it back to original source without any problems. Also the matrix of magic which I studied, clearly says that if sufficient energy is gathered, then any backfire which could occur results in nothing more than a little tear in aura which is flexible enough to revert back to its original shape in no time. ” Twilight smiled innocently, readying herself to cast her new spell oblivious to the fact that her number one assistant looked at her with dumbfounded expression. He didn’t know what she said exactly… or rather, he didn’t bother to ponder about it but knew that by this point that there was no stopping her.
“Whatever you said Twi…If you are sure then do it” He said with heavy sigh and watched her gather the familiar magenta energy around her horn. With heavy concentration, there was a burst of magical power which made Spike close his eyes in fright for the explosion of power blinded him. He could hear something…a scream? He decided to open his eyes but all he saw was pitch black… and he… no longer knew who or where he was…
As the memories faded away, dissipating in darkness all that remained was a silhouette of purple dragon, trembling all over his body. His scaly lips moved silently time and time again, tears poured from his green eyes, vanishing slowly in the depths as his body began losing its form, the nature of his being undone little by little as he desperately tried to grasp at something which would save him.
***End Flashback***
As the memory played before his eyes, Spike looked around, the blackness of this place no longer frightening, the events of past no longer missing and his body restored to its true form. Illusions vanished and there was something he needed to do, a purpose in his existence, a need to escape from here and see…
“T-twilight…” He whispered with hoarse voice, as it went around in endless space. Rushing, he started to run, sometimes up and other times down in this hollow place. Calling loudly Twilight’s name, he could hear something but every time he turned around no one was there... only faint presence of others and they were not pleased, he could feel their malice.
Moving once again up, wondering frantically where the exit might be, he finally saw it, a little point of light. His emerald eyes opened with fright but also filled with renewed hope at the little thing for it could mean everything to him in this dark place.
Slowly, he lifted his talon and started to moved, tired but determined steps. He was staggering but stopping was not an option, not now. As Spike continued through seemingly endless darkness he neared the ball of pure light. It could be a way home, he could feel it and nothing would stop him this time.
Coming closer and closer, he could feel himself regaining more and more of his confidence and life. It definitely was an exit, he was now sure of it. When he was close enough the sphere of light floated before him, its size no bigger than soccer ball. Inspecting it closer, it seemed to react to his presence… but was it harmless? Unsure of what to do, he slowly extended his claw and then the world around him was quickly covered with darkness, loud voice which terrified him shouted something. However, just as it happened, the dark world around him exploded with sounds, smells, sights and other wonders which he thought to be a distant memory, as all vanished around him.
***Sweet Apple Acres***
It was another sunny day inside the big orchard of Apple family, whom specialized in, as their name suggests, apples. During constant work which needed to be done around here, it was rare for anything uncommon to happen around this place. Still, this day wasn’t like others as a blinding flash of light showed up between the trees, one that would certainly draw attention of its owners.
As the world stopped spinning around him, Spike landed heavily on the ground while trying very hard not to vomit… thankfully, his stomach was empty as a lot of time passed since he ate his last meal or so it seemed. When he slowly regained his senses, Spike groggily sat up, noticing soft green grass under his body and fresh air all around. He looked at his claws which instead of orb of light held big, red and tasty looking apple. Looking up at many leaves and apples above his head, the sight around him hit him with more memories.
“Sweet Apple Acres…” He muttered to himself absentmindedly, not believing his own green eyes. He didn’t knew what happened or how, but he was home. He was about to stand up and jump high in the air from joy, when suddenly a voice behind him out called angrily.
“Hey! Unless ya buin’ that apple then put it down!” Shouted defensively the mare in cowboy hat and three apples on her flank as the cutie mark. The action was so sudden that his spirit nearly jumped out of his body. Whirling around quickly he noticed somepony who he knew from long ago…
“A-applejack…?” He asked softly, his voice stuttering as tears started to form in his emerald eyes. To his notice, the mare before him was just as wide eyed as him, her voice not uttering any more words, only her lips trembling. Then, she ran up to him and surprised him with a strong hug, her forelegs putting all their might into it as salty tears streamed down her cheeks.
Overcoming his initial shock, tears started to fell from his eyes as Spike did the only thing he could in this situation and that was to hug the mare back, letting himself enjoying the closeness of familiar pony. As his claws wrapped firmly around her figure, he couldn’t help but take notice that somehow she didn’t seem as big as she was before… - Or am I…bigger? – Ran his thoughts as his heart started to beat even faster than he thought possible… something definitely wasn’t right!