//------------------------------// // Inspection Day Part 2 // Story: The Canterlot Asylum // by Tomsketchit //------------------------------// Inspection Day (Part Two) Dr. Mental Check, head of the Canterlot Asylum, sighed inwardly. He was currently in the process of showing this... inspector... Pinkie Pie around his hospital, and so far (the past five minutes) he could already tell this was going to be a long, tiring day. He didn't think very highly of her, to be honest. She was young, bubbly, seemed to take NOTHING seriously, and likely unqualified for this job. Why she had come so highly recommended by the Princesses was a mystery to him. She almost seemed more like a patient than someone who was here to observe them... Though she had called herself an inspector and an Element of Harmony bearer, he didn't quite trust this mare. The mare in question was currently bouncing happily behind him, a wide grin on her face. Her mind was a buzz, mostly with irrelevant thoughts that popped up every two second, but predominantly with what observations she had already noted about the place. Wow, this place is really big! I mean the outside almost made it look like a fort! Kinda... well not scary really more like what's that word... intimidating! Yeah, that's it! And a moat around it? Puh-lease even Canterlot Castle doesn't have one of those... or does it, because it would make sense to have one, but I don't remember ever seeing it, but of course we really don't need something like that actually, so... oh right inspecting! Well, so far this place has seemed a lot nicer! I don't feel as scared as I did when I went into Ponyville Hospital's rooms. Sheesh that place was nasty! Oh, wait, I think whats-his-name-oh-right-Mental-Check is talking! Indeed he was, oblivious to the fact that she hadn't been paying attention. "I am sure that everything will be up to your standards, Miss Pie. We have followed all of the latest protocols, and have passed every review with flying colors." Pinkie smiled as she responded, "Oh, I know they will! I helped write those new protocols, you know? I'm just here to make sure that this is a nice happy place for your patients. And really, please call me Pinkie!" Mental Check rolled his eyes. "Of course, Miss Pie." Back in his own thoughts, he scoffed the idea of HER being one of the founders of this new system for mental health care. Yes, it was true this plan called for, as she so childishly put it, "a nice happy place" for the patients, as an important part of any asylum, but that did not mean anything to him. His objectives were to cure these ponies so that they could return to normal, peaceful lives. Yes, making them happy was important, but it could not come first and foremost in this field. What came before all else was keeping them from hurting themselves... or others. "Now, for our first stop. The basic cells. This is where we keep our lesser cases. The ponies who aren't dangerous and don't have any sort of mysterious disorders; just ponies who can be left alone mostly and can be easily treated." This part of the Asylum was a series of long hallways, with plain white doors leading to plain white rooms. There were only a few guards in this hall, just to lead them back to their room should they wander out when unsupervised. Security was obviously very lax here. Pinkie made a point of looking into each and every room, even entering a few with the doctor's permission. Most of the patients sat quietly and stared into space, some almost seemed dead at how still they lay, and others talked to themselves as if in the company of others. And when Pinkie tried to speak with these ponies, many didn't seem to hear her. At one mare where this was the case, the doctor explained what had happened to her. "She was a rather high-society mare, liked by many of the Canterlot elite. She had a caring and relatively wealthy husband that she apparently loved very much. So much, that after his untimely death due to some unknown allergy, she fell into such a state of grief that she stuck like this, believing herself to be at a large social event, one that happened before her husband's death. We've been trying to snap her out of it so she can come to terms for a few weeks now. Enough stimuli can get her to notice her surroundings, but it only lasts a short moment. But come, come, there is still much to see..." The next stop they came to was the dining hall. It was a large room; Pinkie judged that she could fit half of the ponies in Ponyville in here! Of course, why she would only want half of every pony was beyond her. That would be rude... and kind of gross. Cafeteria tables, bolted down to the floor, lined the sterile-looking room. At the far side Pinkie could see the kitchen, where several ponies were hard at work cooking and making food for the patients. A few of said patients where seated, eating their meals. It was all ordinary cafeteria food, like what you would expect out of a school or a regular hospital. Pinkie smiled at this. Much better than the other place... all they had gotten there was something gray, lumpy, and unappetizing. Pinkie looked around at the patients seated. Some ate quietly, almost mechanically. Others seemed relatively normal, except for a few nervous ticks here and there. One pony had a manic grin on his face, as he sat next to two guards. He was clad in a straight jacket, holding his forelimbs to his sides. One of the guards had to feed him his meal, and didn't seem to mind too much. Doctor Check must have noticed her confused look as she watched this patient eat, because he pointed a hoof over to him. "Poor fellow has some sort of nervous disorder. Never stops smiling, laughs at random, fairly normal... the problem is that if left unsupervised, he begins to bang his head against things... that's why the guards have to stay next to him at all times when he's out of his padded safety room." Pinkie nodded in understanding, then briefly noticed a nurse followed by three guards pushing a cart with a small vat on it. She wondered what that was about and what was in the vat, but shrugged it off. It could wait until later. "Now, in this part of the building is where we have some of our special cases. Down that way is the Unknown Wing, where ponies with disorders we haven't been able to diagnose are kept for study. This way is the Safety Wing, for ponies such as that stallion you saw earlier whose disorder could cause them to harm themselves. And lastly... well, you'll have to see to believe this one." He led her down this special wing, which looked similar to the other wing except that... the doors seemed to be painted gold. And at the end of the hall was a large room. Inside there were several ponies, many in hospital gowns, but a few in more regal-looking attire, strutting around, talking, and otherwise seeming quite normal. "I don't get it Doc? What's so special about here? These ponies look fine to me." The doctor simply smirked at her. "Alright then. Go talk to them. But a word of warning: whatever they say is true, agree with them." "Okey Dokey Lokey!" Pinkie Pie bounced up to a mare admiring herself in a large mirror. "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie, who are you?" The mare turned with a raised eyebrow, and gave her a look of disgusted contempt. "I, you filthy commoner, am OBVIOUSLY Princess Celestia. Honestly, you filthy, ignorant Earth ponies know nothing of the world at large. Now shoo, away with you! Your very presence may ruin my beautiful mane!" Pinkie, confused but not wanting to further disturb her or disobey Mental's orders, went over to another pony, a stallion who sat calmly on a large cushion, who greeted her with a kind smile. "Hello, I'm Pinkie Pie!" "Ah! Pinkie Pie, one of my most faithful subjects! Wonderful to see you again! Tell me, how is dear Twilight doing with her friendship studies? It's simply been ages since she's sent one." Pinkie didn't miss a beat as she answered, "Oh, she's been really busy running the library. I'll be sure to tell her you've been waiting!" The stallion let out a light, strangely angelic sounding laugh. "Thank you, but don't trouble yourself on my account, please. I'm sure she'll get around to it eventually. Well, it was lovely seeing you again, Pinkie. Have a nice day!" "You too, Princess!" she responded to the satisfied stallion as she went off to try again. And again, and again, and again... After the tenth try, she returned to the amused doctor. "Wow! They all think that they're Celestia?!" Dr. Mental Check nodded. "This is the Celestia Ward. We aren't sure if it's the truth in all cases, but some ponies try so hard to be like Celestia that they end up convincing themselves they truly are Celestia." "Wow! But if they all think that they are Celestia, then how do the deal with each other thinking they're Celestia too?" "Every single one of them is completely aware that they are spending time here in the Celestia Ward. They simply think they are visiting for some safety purpose or another. And they also know that the other patients are not mentally right, and simply pretend to believe the others while concealing themselves. Each one thinks that they are the real Celestia. Some even go so far as to say that the pony on the throne was put there to mimic themselves in case of an assassination attempt, or that they are a crazed fan or imposter who has seized power in their own absence." Pinkie gazed around the room. "Wow! That... is... crazy! But why did some of them act like Celestia and some of them didn't? That one mare called me a filthy Earth pony! Celestia would never say that!" "Keep in mind that they are basing themselves off of what they know or perceive Celestia to be like. Many ponies have never seen or heard from Celestia, leading to them basing their opinions off of their own beliefs." She just nodded in understanding, watching the not-Celestia ponies in complete awe. Most of the rest of her tour didn't go quite as eventful. She looked over things, made sure that the patients were treated right. For the most part though things started getting a little boring for the energetic Pinkie Pie. Nothing that interesting had happened after leaving the Celestia Ward (well, except maybe another straight jacket wearing stallion yelling out "Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young!" and that one old mare who kept murmuring "Wabbajack!" over and over). So far, she had no complaints about this place. It seemed that they truly were taking care of the patients, making sure that they were happy and cared for while they treated them for their sicknesses. Things seemed nice here. But there was a nagging feeling like there was something else... "Well, Miss Pie, it seems that your time here has come to a close. You've seen all we've had to show. Now then, if your inspection is complete, we would be happy to hear your decision here and now." Pinkie looked to the annoyed Doctor. Something didn't feel right here... She thought it over... she thought... she thought some more... Finally, she looked up and smiled. "I'm sorry, but I think I may need some more time to look around. I've liked what I've seen. Buuuut it's not enough. I want to know EVERYTHING, and I don't think just one little tour is going to let me know everything about this place. So, if you don't mind, I'll just have a look around on my own, maybe see some of you doing your jobs, might spend a few days here... until I can get a clearer picture of how it's working here, so that I can give you AND Celestia a clear report. Okey dokey lokey?" He stared at her a moment, a slight twitch to his eye, before he gave her a forced grin, saying as calmly as possible, "Of course, Miss Pie. Anything it takes to show you that we take our job VERY seriously, and that we do our best to help our patients." Pinkie nodded, smiling. "Okay, well I'm going to go look around. Don't worry, I won't cause trouble! I'll be out of here before you know it." And before Mental Check could respond, she was gone, a pink blur in her wake. He stood blinking at this... then place a hoof to his forehead and sighed. "This... cannot end well... damn it..."