Waking up
It's natural, right? Everybody goes to sleep at one point. You could be resting on a comfortable bed at a reasonable hour, or you could be passed out on the streets of London at 4:00am with a bottle of vodka in hand. Except you wouldn't be holding the bottle anymore, you would have let it go when you passed out, probably causing it to land on your head, shattering and causing shards of glass to impale themselves into your thick skull, probably killing you instantly or causing extreme trauma and brain injury, you complete and utter monster.
Thankfully, you were lucky enough to experience the former.
It was early in the morning. Although you certainly couldn't tell from your point of view. You had your eyes open and all you could see was black. Black everywhere. There were several reasons for this: You had the curtains closed, you had the door shut, you had thick covers, and you were currently resting your head underneath them. A mighty fortress stood between you and the dreaded sunlight.
This was the worst part of the day. You knew you were awake, you even moved your fingers around to confirm your current level of consciousness. You just couldn't be bothered to move. Strange, this had become a regular routine for you. Get up, go downstairs, devour cereal, have a shower, get dressed, go to work, acquire money. You never complained, nobody else complained. It was just a good old, regular schedule that you were used to.
But that all had to change, didn't it?
You can't remember exactly how it happened, and frankly, you couldn't care any less. One day, you went to bed, per usual. Everything was going fine, you were getting comfortable, your brain was slowly shutting itself into a state of eternal bliss, everything was perfect. You went to sleep, and woke up the next day feeling refreshed as ever. Only, there was one problem when you looked around.
This wasn't your room.
No, scratch that, actually. This wasn't your HOUSE. Everything was all weird and cel-shaded. Wait... Cel-shaded? Yup. The room you were currently in didn't look like a real room. It looked like something that had popped out of a children's TV show. That, or a really toned-down version of Wind-Waker.
In the next few days, your entire life crumbled into a thick, gooey mess that couldn't be salvaged if you sent the ghostbusters in. So, it turns out that EVERYTHING you looked at was like a cartoon show. The buildings, the food, the ponies.
Ponies?
Yeah. You can't remember most of it, but the first time you set your eyes upon the denizens of this world, you're pretty sure that you were either hallucinating, drunk, or extremely close to an epileptic seizure of some sort. Or maybe you were dead. Either way, you pretty much fainted on the spot, probably making a scene and wetting your pants in the process. After you woke up, there was another one of those ponies staring right at your face. If it weren't for a quick back-hand (back-hoof?) to the face, you would have probably fainted again.
The pony seemed to be some mixture of both excited and confused. The first thing that sprung to mind was that the pony was purple. Well, it was probably lavender or something, but it wasn't exactly natural. The second thing you noticed was the horn on her forehead.
Now you were sure that you were hallucinating. There was a UNICORN currently communicating with you. You started to think that Scotland wasn't absolutely insane when they declared their national animal. Anyway, you were pretty freaked out by this point, and you had more questions in your head than there had probably been asked in the whole world. That is, if you were even IN your world anymore.
Putting the questions aside for a moment (which took a lot of willpower) you decided to hear the lavender Unicorn out. She called herself 'Twilight Sparkle' which sounded like some kind of expensive ice-cream that they keep locked in the back of walmart because it had poisonous chemicals inside it or something. That, or Stephenie Meyer was locked in a room with this thing for a few days and was then told to write a book about it.
She started asking you a bunch of questions, leading you to pretty much explain everything you knew about history, which mainly consisted of a big man who pressed a button and then *poof* humans existed. Damn, you wish you payed more attention during history. When your twenty-thousand questions were answered, you returned fire with your own barrage of questions. Twilight Sparkle answered all of them will general ease. Tough, considering that half the stuff she told you outright defied the laws of physics. You had a basic understanding of this 'Equestria' place within the week.
And so here you were, thinking back to that fateful day whilst trying to get back to sleep. Your schedule didn't matter anymore, you didn't work anywhere. Twilight was kind enough to lend you a spare room for the occasion. Meaning that you didn't actually have to work or anything. Not that you wanted to, it just makes you feel guilty that a pony is paying for your accommodations.
You've been lying here for about ten minutes now, and still no sleep. You didn't want to wake up. And Celestia would have to descend in a golden chariot and personally rip you from the bed in order to do so. You continued to lay there for a few more minutes, pulling a frown that you knew nobody could see. Eventually, you heard the sound that you dreaded every morning. The sound that makes God himself shiver in his ethereal boots whenever he hears it. It was the sound of something slowly ascending the stairs that led to your room.
This happened every morning. Twilight would slowly approach your room, torturing you with those damned hoofsteps that would inevitably stop right in front of your door. She would push the handle of the door, and pop her head inside, checking to see if you hadn't died overnight. Which you honestly wished you had.
"Um... Anon? Are you awake?" Twilight spoke, her voice breaking through the blissful silence of the once-quiet room, sending a reverberating chill down your spine whenever you heard it. Your tactic? Stay quiet. Hope that she just assumes that you're asleep and closes the door.
It never works. But it's always worth a try.
Silent mode activate. You didn't say a word in response, and tried to keep your body as still as possible, trying to mimic what a sleeping human's breath pattern would sound like. It worked, for about ten seconds, before Twilight opened the door fully. It was enough to let in a small amount of light that pierced through the door as if the gates of heaven had just opened. You could practically hear Twilight face-hoofing.
"Anon. I know you're awake." She said quietly, possibly out of mercy for your soul. Bless her. Still no response. Stiff as a rock, you kept your stoic position, trying to keep your heart rate at a minimal level. Another five seconds passed before you could hear the sounds of Twilight wandering around the room, heading to the opposite end of the bed.
Why would she do that? There's no reason to-
Oh.
The curtains are over there.
Before you could react to stop Twilight from committing the deadliest act known to man/pony-kind, it was already too late. Twilight, using her magic, pushed the curtains back with all her might. You instantly shielded your eyes, hoping that you could protect yourself from the onslaught of vitamin D that was about to invade your room.
Damn that sun, damn it to the blackest pits of Detriot. The demonic rays of golden poison instantly invaded your sight, despite your desperate attempts to shield it. The dreaded rays made contact with your eyes, instantly causing a sharp pain to run through your retinas. It was the worst atrocity that you had ever witnessed. Twilight was the worst landlord ever. You let out a sharp, and, admittedly feminine yelp as you jumped back into the safe confines of your bed, cursing Twilight under your breath, all the while hearing her sadistic attempts at stifling a laugh.
"You cruel creature." You spoke, words laced with venom. Not being able to hold it in any longer, Twilight started giggling uncontrollably at your emotional pain, the monster. You pulled the covers over your entire body, trying desperately to prevent any more of the evil sunlight to make contact with your pale skin. You were sure that Celestia did this simply so that Twilight could wake you up like this EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING.
"Well? Aren't you going to get up now?" Twilight asked deviously, still trying to resist the uncontrollable desire to laugh at your misfortune. You mustered up all of your strength and responded with the poutiest grunt of all time. You hated her. You hated her on a planetary scale. No, a DIMENSIONAL scale.
"Coffee." You mumble, your voice muffled by the covers.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" Twilight said, still amused.
"Coffee." You mumbled louder. If Twilight was good for one thing, it was making coffee. Good god she knew how to make a good coffee.
"Alright, alright. But you'd better be at least sitting up by the time I get back." Twilight said. Another mumbled response of something between 'Blargh' and 'Blegh' came from your mouth. You heard Twilight leave the room, not even having the courtesy to close the door behind her. The nerve.
Seeing no other alternative, you decided to brave the solar flare that had invaded your room. The deed was already done, and it certainly wasn't going to get any better. Bringing an arm to your forehead, you lower the covers from your face, blinking a few times to get used to the blinding light. You smack your lips slightly, tasting that really weird taste when you slept for way too long. It tasted disgusting, perfectly matching what you felt like right now.
There was no point in lying down. Or else you wouldn't get your coffee, and if you didn't get your coffee, then all hell would break loose, probably resulting in a mass killing committed by yours truly. You sat up on your bed, pressing your back against the cold wall of the room. The coolness felt nice, if only for a few seconds, then it just felt annoying. After a few minutes of crossing your arms and muttering several inappropriate things about your lavender landlord, you heard the pony in question making her way back up the stairs.
She came into the room with a smile, which instantly pissed you off.
"Good to see you've decided to get up. You're making some real progress." Twilight joked, using her magic to levitate a small white cup into your hands. The warmth of the beverage felt pleasant against your hands, reminding you of better times, when you were in bed, and nobody was trying to blind you or anything.
"Thanks." You mutter under your breath. Your voice had that distinct, gruffy 'Don't speak to me' sound to it. It sounded badass. Twilight heartily took a sip of her coffee, and continued smiling at you. Deciding not to waste any time. You brought the beverage to your lips, letting the warmth of the liquid wash through you like a thermal heat-pack.
But something was wrong.
The taste was slightly off, and the color of the coffee wasn't exactly up to par with what you were used to. The realization hit you like a brick, only harder. The color, the taste, the smile on Twilight's lips, it all led to one thing:
Tea.
She had served you tea.
No coffee. No liquid of the gods, just regular, boring, crappy tea. No energy, no happiness, no nothing. Just seething rage boiling in the pits of your stomach.
"Twilight?" You asked calmly. The pony in question was trying to suppress another laugh.
"Yes? What it is?" She replied, still smiling.
"I'm going to start wounding you now. I'm not sure when I'll stop."