[Demon in my head aka: knight]
(My responses)
[Told you I could do it]
(Fuck you)
[Quit dreaming]
(Oh demon makes a funny)
Fact of the matter is he was right, hell no I’m not telling him that, but he said that if we concentrated that we could probably start forming things from shadows. So he suggested something useful and practical, a Zippo. The thing was I really didn’t think we could make one that would actually light since neither of us knew the exact inner working of a Zippo. Turns out we didn’t need to we made the Zippo and when it didn’t light knight said I could just charge it with some magic and it would always light, which was pretty sweet all things considered. Of course then I said that was just beginners luck which prompted him to make a pitch black trench coat with a shit ton of pockets, which leads us back to the present.
(You win this round)
[What round didn’t I win?]
(The “don’t get trapped inside a human” round I’m pretty sure I won that round) he shots he scores!
[Fuck you]
(Now who’s dreaming?)
I pull out the lighter again and start playing around with it I never could resist a Zippo. The sweet thing about this one that since it my magic powering it the flame comes out black which I was pretty sure was impossible but then again. Magic how the fuck does it work?
I got up, put the coat on and started trudging back towards town.
(Goddamn I’m fucking starving)
[cool story bro]
(First thing we do when we get to town is see where to get some grub)
[No bits remember?]
(Oh I remember alright but I’m sure I can scrounge up some food or bits or something)
[And how do you plan on doing that?]
(I don’t know maybe we’ll pull some magic tricks or scare the shit out of some ponies and suddenly have a angry mob chasing us)
at least if I was getting chased out of town I could grab some food on the way out I mean they already want me dead right?
[I refuse to stoop to such levels]
(You’d be surprised what hunger can make you do)
[I doubt that very much]
(Well that’s because you just lie around in my head making sarcastic comments and being a downer while I carry us around and require substance)
[Big word there, don’t hurt yourself]
“Ingrate” I mumbled
We had been so busy arguing that I had failed to notice that we had stumbled into an orchard of apples.
(Oh brilliant not only did I fail to notice us getting off track I had been so busy arguing with myself that I didn’t notice the bounty of good food)
[Problem solved, grab some apples and let’s go!]
(Oh no no and no firstly because you have never read fanficts like I have you there a feisty little pony living here and rumor has it that if you some much as touch one of her apples then she know and you better start running, and secondly I can see a house and I think we can work out a deal)
[A deal with a pony?]
(Said the talking magic shadow demon living inside a human who had been transported to a magical land by slenderman)
[That sounded better inside my head]
Wait he had a head? So I have a head within my head? But what if he has voices in his head that have heads…… right too much inception I think I stop thinking now.
[So what’s the plan?]
Curse him I had been doing so well at not thinking!
(No clue I’m gonna wing it and hope for best results, who knows maybe they will invite me for dinner)
[Or they could dissect you for science]
(Nah the apples aren’t too big on science, that’s Twilight’s department, they prefer the simple life style)
[Oh so they’re more likely just to bash your head in?]
(Pretty much, here’s to hoping they don’t!)
And with that thought I knocked on the door. Please let applejack answer, oh please. I figured that if anypony was going to listen it would be Twilight or Applejack so lacking Twilight I hoped for the best. Unfortunately a huge red bulldozer of a pony opened the door.
I got all of “hi my name is Jake could you tell me where...”out of my mouth before there was a flash of red and a burst of pain.
(Is one day black-out free to much to ask for?) I thought as I slid back into an inky world of muddled voices and feelings.
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[WAKE UP!]
“OH FUCK!!” I bolted up in bed. Wait bed when did that happen?
(WHAT!? WHAT HAPPENED!?)
[Nothing you just seemed to be at peace, while you were resting]
(FUCK YOU)
As I took note of my surrounding I noticed I was in some kind of hospital. I got up and went to the bathroom to look in the mirror and saw I had a large bandage wrapped around my head with the tell tale sign of recently being changed due to the lack in blood. I was glad to see that they had decide to let me keep my weapons and such or maybe just didn’t want to touch it I suppose.
(Well I suppose that’s some good news)
[Wouldn’t have mattered we could have always made more]
(Well I was more concerned for the ponies running around with a gun)
[That would have been hilarious I almost wished they had taken it now]
(You’re fucked up, you know that?)
[I blame today’s music]
I was barely able to keep from laughing at that which turned out to be a good thing considering the door opened at that moment. Yeah it would not have looked good for me if they had walked in to me giggling maniacally to myself after suffering head trauma but then again that has never stopped me before.
I looked up to see who had come into the room to see none other then Twilight Sparkle entering by herself. At first she seemed content to just stare at me and take note finally I decided if anyone was go do the talking it would be me.
“You know it’s incredibly rude to just come in to a room, stare at me like an experiment, and not even ask about the head trauma I mean if I walked into a room and you had a bandage wrap around your head I’d at least ask how you got it”
With that being said she let a small scream and bolted from the room.
[Smooth Romeo]
(You are obviously jealous of my language skill)
[I wouldn’t have made a pony run from the room simply by talking]
(Yeah you’ve got it down to a system of loud grunts, and unattractive gestures)
[Shut up]
I tallied up another point for me in ‘best comebacks’ section of my brain and moved on to my next thought ‘FOOOOOOD’. The door open and I saw Twilight peek her head around the corner
“Welcome back ready for round two?”
“What are you?”
“I’m a human”
“A what?”
“A human you know tall bipedal creatures that are omnivores and have opposable thumbs’ at the last part I lift up my thumbs and wiggled them a bit.
“How did you get here?”
Oh boy I knew I would have to answer that magical question somewhere down the line but never really planned an answer.
A new voice sprang up
“I would also like to know” and of course in walked Princess Celestia
(Oh goody not only do I get to explain a story that sounds insane to me but also to a Princess, and Unicorn all while on a empty stomach)
As if on queue my stomach grumbled loud enough to challenge a trombone.
“Sorry it’s been about two days since I ate” I laughed weakly
“Oh well I’ll get you something to eat” twilight offered “are apples okay?”
My stomach all but sat up and begged grumbling all the while.
“Yes please” I laughed as Twilight left the room so now it was just me and Celestia I have always wondered something. I let my mind go blank no thoughts what so ever. Then with no warning I just thought
(BOOOOO!)
Celestia nearly jump a foot into the air me and knight were about to die laughing when I said
“I KNEW YOU COULD READ MINDS! All the fanficts couldn’t have been wrong” and continued with my laughing. At first I made my peace with god because the fanficts normally varied whether she was nice or not so I was a little surprised when she joined in on the laughter.
“I suppose it’s what I deserve for spying on your thoughts”
That shocked me as nobody in positions of power ever does the following: admit they were wrong, apologize for spying, and say that they deserve it when something bad happens. Of course I suppose I’m thinking of all the terrible leaders out there some actually do fess up. I’m looking at you honest Abe.
When Twilight returned with some apples I dug into them with relish and can now honestly say BEST.APPLES.EVER.
“Ok so where do you want me to start?” thinking that anyplace was as good as any.
“How about when you picked up that shadow demon?” Celestia countered
[How the fuck does she knows?!]
(No clue)
“Ok well it all starts when I went for a walk in the woods…..” I proceeded to tell my tale ignoring the strange look I received from them both I mean after all they asked for the truth and I gave it.
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“…. And then somepony decided it would be fun to kick me in the head and here I am.”
“That is a strange and outlandish tale you tell child” why I am I not surprised Celestia called me child even though I stood shoulder to eye with her. Oh well then again you tend not to argue with gods unless you want to be turned into a newt and I was perfectly happy as I was.
“Hey don’t look at me like I’m the crazy one here you’re the ones who asked to hear the truth!”
“I believe you were telling the truth but all the same I must speak to my sister about what to do with you”
“FYI not going back to earth” she shot me a dirty look when I said this but I didn’t care I had not come this far just to be turned back because my problems were too unique.
[Damn right were not going back]
“You best watch yourself knight”
(Oh shit she’s got your number dude!)
“You watch yourself too Jake”
(Did I say your? I meant our numbers apparently)
“Now I must return to canterlot and talk things over with my sister we will summon you if we have news” and with that she teleported back to canterlot I assume.
I glanced out the window and noticed that the sun was setting in the distance suddenly I felt exhausted. Twilight must have noticed because she said she would come back tomorrow too talk to me.
I crawled into bed and reflected on my day. I had got kick in the head by big Mac, meet Twilight Sparkle, managed to scare a leader of a nation that was a god and not even get a plague. Well good if I can keep this up I’ll be living the happy life in no time.
[Don’t count on it]
(Just a ray of sunshine aren’t you?) And with that I fell asleep.
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