//------------------------------// // Chapter 7: Snips' Day Off // Story: Scissors and Spoons // by Br0nyb0y123 //------------------------------// It was a nice morning once again, and I just like on every other school day, except yesterday, I would go and knock on Snails' door. I'm not sure if school will be open this morning due to Cheerilee's illness, but still, it wouldn't hurt to check. I heard hoofsteps come from inside Snails' home, and the door opened, it was Snails', "Yo, man" He greeted me. "Hey, Snails" I greeted back, "You ready to go to school?" "It's probably closed for today, Snips" He replied. "Yeah, let's just check anyways, if we don't go and she's actually there, then we could get into trouble" I told my friend. "Good point, Snips" He agreed, "Yeah, let's head over" He stepped outside his door and shouted out to his parents, "MOM! DAD! I'm leaving for school!" "I thought you said it wasn't on today!" His dad shouted from another room. "It might not be though!" He loudly replied. "Well, either it isn't on, or it is! So make up your mind!" Snips looked at me with an expression that said, "This is what I have to put up with everyday", "For fucks sake" Snails muttered under his breath, but I only I could hear his mutter, "I don't know if it is on or off, Cheerilee was sick yesterday and..." "What? They can't find a substitute? Is nopony else in this town qualified?" His dad loudly asked. "How the hell am I supposed to know?" Snails asked back. I still stood outside observing everything that they were saying and I was thinking to myself, "This is embarrassing". So whilst I was listening to a very brilliant (I use that term loosely) father-son conversation between Snips and his dad. So I backed away slightly and said, "Gee, well I guess I better leave for school" I over emphasized in a nonchalant tone, "I surely wouldn't want to get on Cheerilee's bad side, after she's been sick!" "But I never let the cat into the fridge, dad..." He stopped as soon as I said my latter sentence. "We better get going now, pal" I told Snails in my ordinary tone of voice. "Alright, man" He agreed, "Oh wait I forgot something" Snails went back into his house, and closed the door behind him. About thirty seconds later, he came back out, levitated a small brown pouch, "What's in the bag?" I asked. "This here, man" He said as he raised the puch, "Is your money for the Gala tickets" "Oh man, thanks, Snails" I said. "Not a problem, man" He replied and he handed me the cash, "I did owe you, and now we're even, no need for thanks, Snippy" We left Snails' porch and made our way to school, and I was slightly aggravated by Snails calling me Snippy, which is the nickname my gran gives me, much to Snails ignorance, "Don't ever call me Snippy ever again" I told him. "Oh yeah, man. The fuck you gonna do about it?" He chuckled. "Do you remember those magazines you got from Truffles?" I asked him calmly. "The porno mags" Snails replied, "What about them?" "Oh nothing, man. It's just, it would be a shame for your pops to know you have 85% of porn breeds under your bed, you sick bastard" I replied. "Dude, don't even fucking joke about that, if my dad finds the filth lying under my bed, then in a way, I'm fucked" Snails told me. "Then don't call me Snippy, I don't like it" I said. "Fine" He sighed, "You what really pisses me off about that?" "Pisses you off about what?" I asked back. "It's the fact that my dad isn't against me smoking pot in the house, and he is fully aware that my gramps, or should I say my mom's dad, is a drug dealer. But porn, oh no, he'd rather have his son smoke instead of reading what most colts in class are reading at the moment" Snails explained, making a good point. "Yeah, but I don't like the shit that you like, I mean, you fucking like that Hentai shit" I explained. "Yeah, but plenty of dudes like Hentai" Snails replied. "I know, sorry about disregarding your tastes, but I'm just wanting to make a point" I told him, "I don't know how you're able to get attracted to the Hentai and Ecchi stuff, because well, they don't exist and hell, you aren't even a fan of Manga, so that your liking for the genre even weirder than it actually is" "It's just that they're drawn really well" Snails explained. I shook my head and thought of a different topic to go on about. Though it has to be a topic that will keep Snails' attention span in check for a few minutes, "So....em....where did you get the money?" I asked. "Stole it" Snails uttered. "From where?" I asked with concern. "From my grandad's stash last night" He replied. I sighed in relief, "Phew, I thought you mugged a guy" Snails chuckled, "What makes you think I did that?" "I don't know" I replied sarcastically, "Maybe because you actually used to do shit like that" "Well, don't act all fucking innocent around me" He told me, "You have a criminal record as well" I should watch what I say, because even though Snails thinks he's as pretty as sin (in order get girls) and is also as dumb as cheese, he is good at remembering mostly important things, and in this case, my criminal record. Now both me and Snails have records, ultimately, his record is larger than mine, I've only been arrested for possession and assault, and even the assault wasn't my fault, it was Snails' fault. Snails, as I said, has the greater criminal record; multiple accounts of assault, possession, theft, and finally, breaking and entering. So I decided make a comeback to his comment, "Well, I've been arrested for two things whilst you've been arrested for much, much more" I said, "And also, when I was arrested for assault, I never even did anything, it was all you" "You know what's funny, Snips?" Snails asked me. "What?" I replied. "I'm surprised that almost nopony at school are labeled sex offenders" Snails told me. That's a good point actually, seeing as almost everypony in class have broken the law of underage sex, "I'm surprised as well" I said, "God, how did it come to all that shit in less than a year" "We want to try out new stuff" Snails told me, "It's only a matter of time before the girls start getting pregnant" "Probably with Pip's children, it'll be like a squadron of mini Pipsqueaks" I replied. "There's a rumor going around that he slept with Princess Luna" Snails mentioned. "Really?" I questioned, "That's bullshit, there's no way in fuck that he slept with the Princess of the Night. There's no chance" "Well, apparently, he did" Snails replied. "Listen, Snails, buddy" I said, "We're both completely aware that Pip has, well, a positive reputation with girls, but he's probably spread the rumor by himself and is showing off about. I mean, come on, do you think for one second that Princess Moonbutt would waste her time to have sex with a wimpy Trottingham kid? She's pretty much breaking one of her own fucking laws that she made herself" "Maybe....he....um..." Snails struggled to find words, "Yeah, you're right. It's bullshit" "Ponies are like 'Oh you should totally visit that Ponyville place, it's a nice place to visit" I said while using a mimicking voice, "It's got nice scenery, the civilians are nice, but hey, the teens like P in VG every now and then" "This is what we've come to, man. We just got to accept that" Snails told me. "Pfft, guess there's no arguing about it, if it's what everypony does" I replied. "Damn fucking straight, man" Snails said, "But don't be down about it, man. You still have a fucking chance with Silver Spoon" "True that" I replied, "I'm still sticking to my philosophy" "The 'What the Fuck' thing?" Snails asked. "Yeah" I replied. We finally made it to the school, the grounds were empty, not a single classmate of ours was in sight. Me and Snails trotted up to the school grounds and turned to each other and said, "Well, I guess the school's closed and everyone got the message, or nopony bothered to show up today" I said. "Or maybe, we're late and everypony's inside" Snails added. "Doubt it, man. We're early" I replied. "Should we check if the door's unlocked?" Snails asked. "We could try" I replied. Me and Snails went over to the door, it was shrouded in shade, because of the Sun's position in the Sky. Once we made it up to the door, I saw what was a piece of paper taped to the door, it was almost unnoticeable until I actually made it to the door, Snails couldn't see what was written, so he asked me, "What does it say?" "It says 'Dear Students, I'm unable to teach today as I am not feeling good, so school is cancelled for today - Cheerilee" I replied to Snails. "Well, shit" He exclaimed. "What do you want to do now?" I asked. "Wanna get milkshakes from that Mocha la Coca cafe?" Snails optioned, "I'm buying" "Well, if you insist on buying, then sure thing, man" I chuckled. "Let's head off then, pal" Snails said. We parted off the school grounds and made our way towards the Mocha la Coca which is in town square, something tells me I'm getting a five bit. Me and Snips were now in Mocha la Coca, I was sitting at the window of the Canterlot style cafe, whilst my best friend was buying our shakes with spare money from the brown pouch. I sat in my seat and thought about yesterday, I never thought I would actually be going out on a date with the girl I've liked since Kindergarten, it's a weird feeling, considering I've never been out with a girl before, it's making my stomach go in knots at the thought, so I guess in a way, I'm nervous about it. But I'm not nervous to the point where I'll pussy out at the last fucking second, I'm not passing this opportunity up, all I have to keep saying in my head is what the fuck. Keep on saying that, and greater things will come my way. And it seems another great thing was coming to me already, in the form of a cold and tasty dairy product topped with whipped cream and a cherry. Snails finally came over with the milkshakes, he had a vanilla one and I had a chocolate one. Once he sat down on the opposite side of me, across the table, I leaned over the table and said to him. "Next time we come here, we're buying coffee" "No fucking way, Snips. I can't do that. Because if we do that, then not only will you be in deep shit, but I will be in deep shit" Snails told me, "Your parents don't want you drinking coffee or energy drinks, because of your addiction to caffeine, and since the addiction, you've had Insomnia" "Maybe just a little?" I pleaded. "No, man. I don't want to get into shit by your parents, your dad's a scary ass motherfucker, built like a fucking tank and everything" Snails replied, "I can't take the fucking chance, man" I sighed, "Fine" "I mean, come on, when's the last time you've actually slept well?" "I think since two months ago" I replied. "That's not fucking good" Snails uttered, "Take some fucking medication or some other shit" I shook my head and shrugged, "I try. But the fucking meds only stops the double vision and slow motion I see, they don't get me to sleep any better" "That sucks for you, man" Snails said. I've been suffering from Chronic Insomnia since the beginning of last year, due to me drinking an unsustainable amount of caffeinated drinks, like coffee, energy drinks, all that good stuff. The drinks kept me up at all hours of the night and I started showing signs of being an insomniac, like being extremely tired, seeing things running in slow motion and double vision. The pills I take every night only stop me from looking and feeling like shit in the morning and stops me seeing all the slow motion and double vision crap, "It's weird hearing you sound concerned for someone else, man" I mentioned. "Hey, you're my best buddy" Snails replied, "I don't want any bad shit to happen to you. You're like family to me, man" "Thanks, Snails" I said. "No problems, Snips" Snails replied, "Have you tried your shake yet? Mine is great" "No I ain't tried it" I replied. "Well, try it then" Snails told me. I took the cherry off my milkshake and placed it on the side, and I took a big gulp from it and as soon as the chocolate milkshake touched my tastebuds, it was like getting high, a trip to nirvana, in other words, it tastes amazing, "Phew, that shake's pretty fucking good, man" I said, "How much did it cost ya?" "Two bits each" Snails replied. "You're getting your moneys worth then" I told him. "Shit yeah" Snails chuckled. "So when abouts are you buying the tickets?" I asked him. "You have the money" Snails replied. "I know, but since you said you'd buy the tickets yourself, I'll give you the money and you'll buy them, a'ight?" I told him. "I think the reason you don't want to do it, is because you're a lazy bastard" Snails said. "You expect any less of me?" I chuckled. "I guess not" Snails shrugged, "You might want to give me the money just now" "Why just now?" I said. "Because you're wanting to impress your girlfriend, right?" Snails asked, "You're wanting to impress with the tickets, yes?" "Yeah, so?" I replied, "I probably won't see her until later on today. We have enough time" Snails shook his and looked out the window, "No we don't" I looked out the window to see two young ponies arguing with a much larger stallion. The one of the two young ones seemed to be arguing with the stallion, whilst the other younger pony was standing beside the arguing ones, with her hoof on her forehead, whilst shaking her head. Instantly I recognized who the two young ponies where, the arguing pony was Diamond Tiara and the disappointed pony was her best friend and my date, Silver Spoon. Silver Spoon tried to get Diamond Tiara away the other arguing pony pointed over to here, as if she was wanting to go get a coffee or something, "Shit! Is she coming here?" I asked Snails. "I think so" He replied calmly, "You got a plan?" "Yeah, go out the other door and buy the tickets, if she's comes over to the table to sit beside me, then I'll make an excuse for you, and you come back with the tickets, and sneak them under the table for me to surprise her, got it?" I made sure, "Because I really want to impress her" "Fucking hell, you think on your hooves, man" Snails said, "Yeah, I'll do it. Look after my shake though, please" "No problem" I said as Snails left the table and headed towards the door opposite the one we came in, at the other end of the cafe, "Oh, before you head out, man. Stay hidden, make sure they don't see you" "Dude, there's a massive crowd outside, I'm pretty I'll be able to stay hidden from them" Snails replied. Snails left out the door and Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara came in. Let just hope my shit plan doesn't fail me, or in a better case, let's hope Snails doesn't fail me.