//------------------------------//
// Book 1: Chapter 5: Good or Bad Emotions and Thoughts 
// Story: Crystal White 
// by Lovinlife 
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Shining would never say this out loud for Twilight or anypony else to hear, but that his sister was right. His sickness was really beginning to take its toll on him as he explained his plan to arrest the mob with little to no difficulty to the commanders surrounding the planning table.

His head throbbed with an ache that made it hard to concentrate on anything that even his own mouth said, as it was still understandable but a little hazy, as if he was speaking through cotton. His vision was like looking through smoked glass and it was beginning to be difficult to distinguish things at times, but it  was coming and going. His throat was a bit scratchy and raw: even the least bit of talking was like sandpaper to wood, and anything more than a whisper and could cause an uncontrollable coughing fit. His limbs felt like rubber bands: they had almost no support of his body.

With all of these symptoms plaguing him, the stubborn stallion still believed that he had to keep the image of leadership, so he kept it quiet. Though, just by looking at him there was proof enough that something was wrong, but he himself didn't see it.
"Now, here is what I want everypony to do." Shining tried to speak with as much confidence as he could muster, but the coughing and him weakly resting his head upon his forelimb as he laid on the pillow overlooking a map of the city streets made it clear something was taking its toll. In front of the castle gate was a crossroad on three different sides that had a unicorn's magic project a red zone where the three roads met to show where the rioters were.

Shining pointed at a group of alleyways nearby, roughly a city block away, and continued: "The earth ponies, under me, would use these alleyways to get as close as we could get to the mob without being seen. The unicorns under Soul Flasher's command would erect barriers here and here." He pointed his hoof at the street opposite of the main castle gate and the road adjacent to it away from the alleyways. He coughed once to get the frog out of his throat but only succeed in hurting himself, so he just had to deal with it.

"We are going to close them off so they won't have anywhere else to run to but straight into the advancing earth pony guard. Observations have shown that there are pegasi there so I want Bright Wing to take care of them if they decide to take flight."
After finishing speaking, the last bit of effort to keep his head up was lost as his head plopped down between his forelimbs, and the pressure he felt from his neck and shoulders to keep his head up subsided.

There was a pregnant pause as the semi-leadership of the guard looked upon the plan in their minds before the silence was broken by the pegasus Bright Wing. His blue feathers were ruffled from irritation as he asked a question: "Sir," this word was full of sarcasm and the twitch in his eye showed how much he really did NOT like saying that word to Shining. "If I may be so bold, which you know I am and will be bold, I have to say that this plan is much more complicated than it should be. It..."

"Bright Wing," Shining Armor, whether from his sickened mind or not, rudely interrupted the pegasus. " Are you still refusing to lead the pegasi? Bright Wing, you know it would be good for you public image if..."

Bright Wing cringed and his feathers ruffled even more at the idea of leading the pegasi. Following Shining's grand example of leadership, he interrupted his leader. "I don't think that really matters at this point, sir, but to answer your question...No, I don't wanna lead them."

"Oh well, that's your loss." The way that Shining had said that sentence was with a careless, happy child-like glee that made it seem like he had a little too much alcohol in his system. But Shining would never drink that stuff...it would ruin his image.
Bright Wing continued with his original thought, not really holding his tongue. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I don't think..."

"You know what, Bright Wing?" Shining interrupted once again. "That seems a little bit selfish to keep your...leadership skills away from your...own kind." Shining knew that was where it hurt and he was right.

In a flash, one that many ponies in the room had no time to react in, Bright Wing jumped from his position around that planning table with the fury of a caged beast as he tried to smash his hoof into Shining's face. He was only held back by the few ponies who had seen the reaction coming from Shining's brutal comment, and were now shouting at him above his own to calm down. His eyes were cold green steel as they drilled into Shining's own pair, which stared at him with no retaliation, only calmness and grogginess.

Shining's second-in-command, a unicorn by the name of Soul Flasher, took Shining by the hoof like a parent to a child, and then led him out of the room and away from the struggle that echoed through the walls. "I'LL GET HIM! I'LL GET THAT...!"
They ended up in another room of the guard's barracks. Soul Flasher sat down, almost just dropping Shining on a sitting pillow laying on the floor as he continued to pace back and forth irritably, moving in quick movements and making quick turns.

Finally after a long, uneventful silence, Soul Flasher berated Shining Armor. "What was all that back there?" He didn't bother with using the word 'sir' at this time. To him, it was just a formality and a title for the kitten to become a manticore with no tail. "You aren't a racist, Shining, I know this for sure unless you've been hiding it well from your trips to the bar with Bright Wing and his gang. So what were you trying to prove in there? Is this the sickness starting to finally get to you, or are you just drunk by any chance?"

"No! I don't touch that stuff, remember?"

"Then what was your problem back there with Bright?"

"Just putting him where he belongs. He shouldn't be trying to step over me like that."

"He wasn't, Shining! He was trying to explain why he disagrees with your plan, and for the record, I have some problems with it as well." Soul tried to reason with his Captain.

At this point, another violent coughing fit racked Shining's body as he turned his head as to not spread the germs that he had. During this episode, Soul ran out of the room, speaking calmly to whoever was on the other side. "Get some water."
Before he closed the door a still angry Bright Wing shouted out, "I hope you choke in there, Shining!"

Shining could barely keep his head up as he coughed and coughed with what seemed like no end. When it finally did end, to the relief of Shining and his irritated throat, Soul returned with a cup of water suspended in the midst of his golden magic, proceeding to offer it to Shining.

Shining gladly and eagerly took the cup of sweet nourishment and proceeded to empty it past his gums with greed to stop the scratchy feeling in his throat; it helped a little.

"Are you alright now, Shining?" Soul Flasher asked his commander with complete sincerity in his voice and golden eyes as he laid on a pillow that he had moved with his magic over next to him.

"Sure, I'm okay. Completely fine." Shining lied, his public image on his mind.

"Okay, if you're so sure, I'll let it be." Obviously, Soul was unconvinced by Shining's childish attempts, but he could worry about that later, as he had a job to do to protect the castle and the citizens of Canterlot from trouble...when the citizens were the problem themselves. And if it needed to be, from Shining as well. "But should you lead this defense at the moment? With your sickness, I just don't want anypony getting hurt because of a mistake."

Shining only shook his head stubbornly. "We need as much morale as we could get for this. Do you know how long it's been since the Princess has had to use force against her own people? The ponies need to relearn her might." It was an excuse, Shining knew it was. He also knew that Soul Flasher couldn't do anything with the guard behind his back without Celestia's approval, and she trusted Shining with his judgment.

"But I don't think this plan is a very good one. It doesn't need to be like this." Soul pushed the matter on because he believed Shining had to get his public image out of his mind and get the job done.

Shining held up his hoof, which silenced Soul's mouth but not the gaze. "The plan will suffice. If you're so sure that I'm wrong, tell me your opinion and ideas, and then I'll give mine." Another smaller coughing fit followed that forced him to not move a muscle for a few seconds afterwards.

Soul waited politely for his superior to be ready so he would not have to repeat himself again. "Why don't we just have the entire crossroads blocked off so no pony would have to physically go in and get themselves hurt? It's much closer and easier to just finish them off right there, these ponies are unarmed."

Shining, through his half propped up head, listened, then thought with silence, before he was ready to answer and raised his head once more. "There are flaws in your plan. These ponies are not unarmed: you haven't heard about Emil? He got stabbed with a knife by one of them, my money being on a unicorn. And because these ponies are rioting is because they have forgotten that the Princess can do more than raise and lower the sun and the moon. Plus, having everypony so close would be chaos. Do you want that happening? Ponies would get even more injured or worse."

"So, it isn't all about your public image." Soul raised an eyebrow. "But there are flaws in yours and..." There was a bit of snootiness in his sentence. The kind that could come from a confidence boost.

But before he could get any further, Shining cut him off. "But like I said...It seems that my plan is the one that counts, or do you wanna take that up with the Princess?"

The confidence that Soul had shown never let up with these words, but he didn't answer back so Shining finished the conversation with a nod, before weakly raising himself up to his hooves, slowly returning to the meeting room. Soul kept to himself for a while.

Could he have picked a better set of fools? That Shining was only trying to keep himself on a lit pedestal in the eyes of the youth that he so treasured. But the sickness that he was fighting was ruining the image. Maybe it was poison?

Maybe he should get his old friend Zecora to come down to the castle and see what she could do for the pitiful Shining Armor: she most likely wouldn't mind.

Soul didn't hate Shining: no matter how often he had to be irritated by that stallion for his youth and arrogance, he had to equally respect him for his tact and heart. But this plan...was only the product of the sickness.

~~~

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Crystal felt the excruciating feeling of boredom. It was from deep within, drawn out from nothing to do and all she could do was sit there at the desk and wait. To pass the time, she listened to the clock make the usual ticks and tocks that told ponies the time. She couldn't understand how those sounds could help some pony tell time, since they all sounded the same to her.
She had chosen a seat as far away as possible from Ms. Wheatmire, a desk at the back of the room. 

She was sitting next to an open window, and she could feel the soft caresses of the wind pet along her mane. It was relaxing to her and helped ease the lonely feeling. Why was she feeling lonely when Ms. Wheatmire was in the front of the classroom? Maybe it was for the same reason that Crystal wanted to be as far away from her as possible.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Bored. Bored. Bored! Nothing to do! She couldn't even draw a picture because of her stupid eyes, or lack of them she should say. For what she had didn't even count because she couldn't even use them. Her eyes are on the sides of her face next to her ears, and that was all she could use to figure out where things were.

But she might have an audiobook in her bag, but smart...she didn't grab it before she moved to a different desk so she had no idea where she put it. She could ask for Ms. Wheatmire to help her, but this wasn't what she wanted. If she wouldn't be able to get it herself, it wasn't worth getting at all. But that would mean that she would have to just sit there and do until her mother arrived. From wherever she was right now.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Hmmm. Borrrrrrrrrred. What would Pitchpatch do at a time like this? He always seemed to have something fun on his mind. It would probably be around getting Ms. Wheatmire angry. How would this be fun? For some reason, Crystal had a small thought of it being fun to make somepony else angry just for laughs, but she buried these. Her mother always told her to be polite and respectful to others, especially the teacher.

Crystal figured that she didn't even have it in her to even be rude to some pony. Maybe she could get Pitchpatch to teach her a few things, but why would she want to? For some reason, making somepony else mad sounded like fun. Maybe the boredom was starting to get to her. Where was her mother?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

This wasn't the first time that Crystal's mother had done this to her, and she had never forgiven her for leaving he alone that first time. She was just sitting there on a bench at the front of the school after Ms. Wheatmire had gone home. It was getting later and the cold air had chilled her skin and made her shiver a bit. Her mother had never called to let her or the school know, she just left her alone.

Then, a sweet sounding voice had asked her, "Ar-Are y-y-you okay-ay?" She hadn't heard any footsteps coming towards her, how had they snuck up on her like that? Her mother had always told her not to talk to strangers, but this one had asked a question, and she also said that if some pony asked a question, to always answer them.

"I'm okay, just waiting for my mother." She remembered how a quick gust of wind had blown across her back, making shiver her involuntarily.

"Wh-Where's-s your j-j-ac-k-et?" The voice had asked again. Yeah, where was her jacket?

"I don't have one. Never did. I'm usually home by this time." Why had she felt so calm talking to this pony that she hadn’t even known? It just happened way too fast, but that didn't change the fact that it did.

Then she had heard hoofsteps coming in from far away before a smooth voice called out. "Riot, what are you doing?" More ponies to talk to, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

"N-N-Noth-th-thing. I'm-m just t-talk-king to her." So Riot was his name; she recognized that name from class when Ms. Wheatmire would call out the names of two brothers named Pitchpatch and Riot. Maybe these were the same ponies. Did that make them still strangers or not?

"Oh, I know you." The unnamed voice said after it had gotten closer. "You're Crystal, the blind filly from that ogre Wheatmire's class. What are you doing out here so late? The sun's going down and it's getting way too cold."

No, please no babying. Even from other foals her own age ponies would not understand how she would feel. She had just pushed the question away so she wouldn't have to answer that question. "Then why are you two out?"

"That didn't answer my question." Pitchpatch said with no difference in his voice. Oh Celestia, why did he have to notice. Oh well, Crystal couldn't lie to him.

"My mother was supposed to pick me up but she has yet to show up. I'm really worried that something is wrong. I'm just waiting here for her."

"Wh-Wh-Wow." Riot had said with as much emotion as the poor colt's stuttering problem could allow.
"Then we will sit here with you so you wouldn't be alone. Come on Riot." Pitchpatch suddenly said. "Could you move over a bit? Just so we could sit on the bench."

Wait, this was moving so fast. First, why would anypony allow themselves to be with the freaky blind filly that could do nothing right? Second, why was he so set on doing it? But she didn't complained since it was a nice sweet feeling that she didn't get to feel very often.

She scooted over to give room, but went too far before she couldn't feel the bench underneath her anymore. She struck the ground with an "oof", confused as to how she hadn’t felt the bench's edge sooner.

"Oh my, are you okay!?" She could hear Pitchpatch shout. "Here let me help you. Grab my hoof."

Crystal had reached out into the unseen darkness and felt her hoof touch his. Suddenly, she could feel butterflies tickling in her stomach, and her cheeks get hot. What was is this? The little filly had never felt this before.

In a sense, Crystal should thank her mother, because if her mother hadn't been so irresponsible, she wouldn't have really met Pitch, and then she wouldn't have felt her first crush. From the sound of it, she was lucky, because ponies that used sight usually only fell for others because of how they look, but she didn't have that luxury. Maybe her feelings are more true and unhindered. But Crystal didn't feel any different from what she felt then to how she felt now, and that to her was enough reason.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Click. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing. Bing.

Five chimes and school got out when the clock chimed three times. She had been sitting at this desk for a long time, and still no mother. Ms. Wheatmire had not once said a peep the whole time, but she knew that her teacher was there from the constant scratching of a quill on paper.

The blind filly never understood how scratching a quill on paper would show information. Her father had explained to her that the quill was dunked into a substance called ink that was then used to write out words on the paper. This made more sense, but how was that easier than speaking? Her father explained further on that ponies forgot many things from life, and writing them down helped them remember those things a lot more easily. That just made Crystal feel even worse because she couldn't use paper and ink to remember things like others could.

The door to the classroom squeaked open, but this was barely caught by Crystal. It would've passed her by had Ms. Wheatmire not suddenly shouted out, "Pitch, what are you doing back here? I told you to leave."

Pitch had returned!? Crystal felt her heart skip a beat in a rhythmic way. That same butterfly feeling tickled in her stomach as always. It happened so many times around that colt that she barely took any notice to it, but it always was there. Maybe he came back for her; she hoped this was so, but maybe not.

"I know you told me to leave, and I did, but you never said anything about coming back, which I also did. But that's not the important thing, though you may think so, really now, you need to get your priorities straight and grade those tests, while I go over here and talk to Crystal about something important."

Wait, talk to her. He wanted to talk to Crystal. A filly whose mind and feelings were taken by this one colt and now that one colt wanted to talk to her. Crystal's mind was on overload, trying to repel those feelings in defense of the possibility that she was wrong and that he wanted something else. But it would be nice if it was so, so true.

Crystal could hear Pitch move towards her as he continued talking, "In fact, maybe this is even more important than your stupid tests. Maybe I should take Crystal somewhere else because I don't want you knowing about this since you would most definitely disagree."

Breathe in and breathe out. Lightly, Crystal told herself in a frantic pace. He wants to talk to her alone. Something that Ms. Wheatmire would not like. This had to be it, Pitch had never told such a secret that it had to be completely away from other ponies.

"Absolutely not!" shrieked the teacher that put Crystal's dream to glass. It reminded the love-struck filly that she had to be realistic with these things. Ms. Wheatmire would never allow that from any pony, least of all Pitchpatch. She had to hide away tears behind one of her hoof.

"Well…too bad." Pitch countered in an unfitting childish manner. But Crystal couldn't get such enthusiasm, because she had to obey her mother who had put her charge with Ms. Wheatmire. Disrespecting the teacher meant disrespecting her mother.
Pitch's hooves continued to clop closer to Crystal, with the filly still being confused as to what she was to do.