//------------------------------// // Drugged Meat // Story: Humans Assemble! // by Mistershield //------------------------------// Chapter 80- Drugged Meat The ruins that once housed the Elements of Harmony was a strange place, to say the least. Everywhere else in the forest had signs of life; of nature. Howls, shrieks, chirps, and other sounds indicated there was life across the bridge. But here... Nothing. Nathan Drake didn’t like it. This place felt... wrong. There was something about this temple that was different from all the other places he’s gone searching for treasure. The treasure hunter frowned a bit, moving his arms to cross on his chest and once more look down the gorge that held up the rope bridge. Maybe it was the lack of light that made this place bad. According to Otacon, there was something strange with electronics here. Even when they got here with light, it was still dark. Least there were no animals to worry about that could hunt them here. But he pitied the sorry creature that would dare show up in front of them. “You and me both.” Snake called out, his partner on bridge duty. “What?” Nathan asked, picking up his left eyebrow. “This place is wrong. I’ve been to Everfree before, but this place...” Snake moved to walk closer to the edge of the land to look down. “I have no idea how the children can sleep.” “Who’s watching them anyway? I know we are on guard duty,” Nathan turned to look back behind himself at the others off at the distance. “Not sure. Dovah and Merchant and fixing things and spreading supplies as they’re needed,” Snake spoke as he moved to pick up his sniper rifle up to look through the crosshairs. “And the big heads are in a meeting.” ___________________________________ Terra smiled a little, looking down at the children as they slept. The KND were doing a mock campout, picking a spot in the temple that had the roof gone so they could look at the stars. Each one in a sleeping bag, around a fire that she kept watch over. One would think that the children would have given her some problems, but they listened to her without too much arguing. Maybe it was Dan’s threat... Either way, she didn’t mind looking after them. It seemed like the right thing to do, and it was nice to have a peaceful moment to herself. “Grnn. Brrr...” The half-esper looked down at the child’s head resting on her lap. “Shh... Hush now, quiet now,” She hummed. Her left hand moved up and down to pet the child and try to calm it down. “Momma,” Johnny Bravo mumbled in his sleep, immediately smiling at her touch. __________________________________ On the second floor of the temple, where the altar for the Elements was kept, the war meeting was being held. With no table to work with, Otacon was using the chest used to deliver Dovahkiin’s supplies as a desk to take notes. Dan, Ralf, Sokka, Jack, and Sephiroth were sitting down on some blankets with torches to light the room. Why these people? They all lead people into battle and were soldiers in one way or another- save for Dan. “Alright. While I am the leader- I’m leaving Jack in charge of the military strategies. Any objections?” Dan asked. While not exactly angry, he was upset that Jack had been the only one to point out the flaws in his previous plans. Just why was he upset? It meant the others were either afraid to speak out, or not smart enough. Both were not helpful- Had someone pointed out the flaws in his strategy earlier, they could’ve been spared a lot of trouble. Then again, Sokka was not up to technology standards, so he got a pass. Out of all the other teams made, only he and Otacon had gotten results. Seeing that they shook their heads or said nothing, Jack stood up to start talking. Thanks to the torches, this place felt like an Illuminutty secret meeting. Shadows on their forms and the lack of noises other than breathing made this floor eerily quiet. “Thanks to Otacon, we know what the general war plan the changelings have- But if they win the war games, it will not be needed.” “Still, I got a feeling we need to be ready,” Otacon added. “They already summoned some of their own champions. Who knows if they can summon more.” “I’m with Otacon on this one,” Sokka spoke up as they all looked at him. “With what you guys told me,” Sokka said to place each hand to rest on his lap. “At every single time they ever did anything- It was just a subterfuge for their true target.” “From what Phoenix, Terra, and Merchant Pasta told us, those humans are also smart and tacticians. Who knows what other modifications or more dangerous plans they can make,” Sephiroth said. “It seems that both changelings and ponies didn’t have such elaborate plans until we arrived. Even Sombra used Otacon’s example.” The long haired warrior turned to look at Otacon. “Thanks Obama,” Dan muttered under his breath. Otacon stopped writing and looked at the others. He had the decency to blush and rub his hair in shame. “My bad guys.” The engineer sighed, not sure how many times he was going to have to apologize. “In retrospect, these are kinda simple plans from the get go, least for any real general,” Ralf turned to look back at the others. “But, we still need to figure out these wargames. If this is still a ruse, we need to make it look like we are not on to them. But at the same time, we need to limit our manpower and resources so we won't get caught with our pants down.” He frowned a little. even though they all fought or coordinated plans well together- It was less than a week they all spent with each other. Their teamwork needed work. “One thing at a time then. First the war games. Given we are in pony lands- Where will we hold them?” Dan asked. “I assume Princess Celestia will handle that. It will have to be in a neutral place to be fair, so no side will have an advantage over the other. It must also include terrain, space, and things that can be used for a trial, like an obstacle course,” Jack said to get the meeting back on track. “We need 3 events, but I think we should make at least five.” “Why five?” Dan asked, lifting an eyebrow. “We got other things to worry about, and we can’t make things so complicated for us.” “We do not know the events the other side will have,” Sokka explained. The teen forgot that while Dan was cunning, he didn’t have much exposure to war. Weapons? Yes. Explosions? Oh most definitely. Fire? Dan set up a fire faster than he could, and that was saying something. How to manipulate people and also handle soldiers? No doubt. Actual war? Nope. “What if the other side picks events we picked? Or they pick events that are like ours, so we have to eliminate our choices? We will be stuck with nothing on our end.” “What are the chances they will pick our events anyway? Still, you do make a point,” Dan nodded in approval of the boy. Yes. Sokka was indeed a Mini-me. “We also need to think of who will be the best match for which event. Even for ones the bad guys can think up.” “Good point,” Otacon joined in. “Do we want to reveal our hand and show off how many humans we got? Or just use the ones the changelings know of?” “One thing at a time. We should think of the events first, and then find out more from the champions from Baltimare once they arrive,” Jack said. He turned to look at Ralf, who probably had the most experience with war games. “Well, we have the standard ones like capture the flag, obstacle course race, mock hand-to-hand combat, and chess,” Ralf said as he moved to cross both arms on his chest. “But other ones we may be used to, like search and destroy, we don't have the resources for. And even then, an obstacle course against people that can fly is stupid.” The others stayed quiet a second, thinking about possible events. The atmosphere and the lack of ponies was bothering a lot of them though. Even Jack missed Spike. While he was training guards, Spike was with him every step of the way and being helpful in any way possible. Dan would never admit it, but he missed Pinkie’s cooking. Least he tried to convince himself it was her cooking. “Do... They have to be military exercises?” Sephiroth asked, lifting his head a moment. “Well, it has to have some sort of application to earn the name of war game,” Ralf said. “Like chess is a way to test tacticians. Even doing a rifle and presentation of arms drill can apply. Lots of soldiers in ROTC used that as war games.” “I have some ideas then,” Sephiroth nodded. “I think I do too now,” Sokka said with a grin. ________________________________________ “So, Phoenix, why didn’t you go back to your daughter?” Spy asked. He, as a few of the others, had made a second campfire, this one on the ground floor. All of the other humans not in the big meeting were either sleeping or gathered at the fire to eat. “Well, I had a lot of things to deal with at the time, really,” Phoenix released with a sigh. He must look like a horrible dad for not wanting to get back with Trucy. But he had only been with her a year so far. “I mean, I thought I was still Roger. Seeing Miles really threw my mind for a loop.” He turned to look at Soma, Toph, Spy, Vergil, and Vash, that had joined him in one fire. They couldn’t all fit on one fire after all, so they had to split in small groups. “Well, your sentimentalities aside, I’m glad he remained. Thanks to keeping his memories as Roger Smith, we now have valuable knowledge of the enemy forces,” Vergil pointed out. “Actually, you are one of the reasons I stayed, Mr. Sparda,” Phoenix said as he took a sip from a thermo. “We never met though... Unless you think I work for the enemy because I wished to kill Shining Armor,” Vergil smirked. “Yeah, gotta say that was not a smart move,” Toph chuckled. Vergil frowned, still nursing his wound from that blasted sacred katana. “Actually, we have met before. In my past though,” Phoenix said as he turned to look at the half-devil. “What?” Vash asked, lifting an eyebrow. “Right, you may not know Otacon or Snake,” Phoenix begun to explain. “While they are friends... They came in from different points in their lives.” “Are you saying I will meet you in my future?” Vergil raised his eyebrows, a bit shocked to say the least. “When I heard your name spoken back through the Octo-phones, I wasn’t sure if you were the right one. Once I uh... Regained my memory?” Phoenix had to stop, a bit confused as to how to explain why that all happened. “I remembered you from my past.” “Are we allies then?” Vergil asked. “Am I the ruler of hell?” “Uh, no. You were on the enemy team with Wesker and someone called Dr. Doom,” Phoenix sighed. “You, erhm... Well, team... Lost.” “Truly? How?” Phoenix pointed at himself and sighed. “How in the literal hell did you manage to beat me? Even if I had to work in a team, I would only align myself with tools or pawns that would not hold me back!” Vergil shouted, his eyebrows raising up. “Calm down, Vergil!” Vash moved a hand out to the swordsman. “That’s not important now since it hasn’t happened yet...” Vergil stopped himself, realizing he was making an unbecoming scene of a son of Sparda. He was not his brother. He did make a mental note to not align himself with Wesker or Doom. The only thing he can think of as to why they could make him join them- Was if they could bring his mother back to life. “Fine. You- Vash?” Vergil asked, lifting his eyebrow. He had to try and change the conversation. “What’s your name?” “Me?” Vash moved his hand back to point at himself. “Well it’s Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III.” Vergil continued to frown a bit, while Phoenix look at Vash with his eyes open. Spy had his mouth open a bit. “Yeah, I had the same reaction when he told me his full name,” Toph said as she took the silence as a stun speak moment. “Well the moment has passed. Back to work,” Spy said to look at the others not in the group. “That makes me wonder... Who else knows each other?” _____________________________________ “So, you know this Snake and Otacon?” Zeke asked, riding shotgun in Samus’ ship. “Sort of. Once you’ve had a man inside you, you can feel him coming,” Samus said with a shrug. “You know what? After seeing your morph ball, keep it to yourself, lady,” Zeke frowned. “It was a battle against an evil space entity, pervert. Snake and I actually fought, while Otacon, I know him from radio transmissions. It’s not until I came here that I finally met him.” Samus leaned forward a bit. “Speaking of which... We’re here.” The Cosmo Liner was coming up to Everfree and to the ruins. Nate and Snake stood up, turning to welcome the ship with their arms up. “That’s one thing off the list,” Merchant said, looking up from his backpack. Dovahkiin tilted his head to the side and looked up. “Finally. I am glad for new allies. We must thank them for their-” “Stop picking my pockets, sneak-thief.” “Make me, cut-throat merchant.” “Shut it you two,” Travis said with a frown. He was in a terrible mood. He wanted another serenade from his Wittle Woona. The assassin had to stop himself and sigh. Oh Princess of the Night, what did you do to him? “Let’s say hello to the new guys.” “Yeah. Running low of beer anyway,” Ash said as he moved to stand up. “Hey guys! Samus’ back!” “Ah, more comrades,” Spy said as he joined the others to stand up with a smile. Phoenix went off to gather Dan and the others. Except for the children, they let them sleep. For the most part, it was a good affair. Angelo instantly took a liking to Sephiroth and Soma. (Damn pretty boys.) Zeke took an inkling to Ash and Nate. Barry brofisted with Dovahkiin and Vash. Spy walked out of the the teleport beam to look around a bit.... “You!” Spy shouted, drawing his knife out. “You are the worst Medic ever!” “Achtung! Spy!" Medic called out, immediately lifting his left hand to point and frown. He took out his bonesaw and narrowed both eyes. Before anyone could react, Spy and Medic dashed at each other. Knife and saw met with each other, clashing a bit and creating some sparks. “Medic, medic, medic!” Spy taunted, grinning as he leaned his mask face at the weapons. “Bah! Go zeduce Scout’s mother!” Medic replied, trying to push his weapon back. “What’s going on?” Toph asked, hearing metal against metal. “Let them work it out,” Ash spoke out. “They’ll tire themselves out.” “I don’t think they will stop,” Vash said, slumping a bit to shut his eyes. “Make them stop! They are going to wake up Bravo!” Terra frowned. “Wait, Bravo’s asleep? Who’s watching the kids?” Phoenix asked, eyebrows raised. “I see blood now,” Nate added. “Hey, leave our healer alone!” Kratos called out. He drew his blades out to point them. “Hey, leave Spy alone!” Soma brought forth his own scythe out. “Now now, there’s no need for-” Vash was interrupted as Barry immediately took out his gold axe out. “Oh now, I’m the only axe here!” Dan called out with his glass axe ringing out. “Toph?” “On it, Sokka.” The Earthbender slammed her feet down to drop the humans into holes in the ground. “New move?” Sokka asked. “Learned it from my old earth teacher,” Toph grinned. Needless to say, a lot of groaning and swearing filled the area. “You know... This is not productive,” Samus sighed. “Men.” “HEY! EVERYBODY! SHUT THE HELL UP!” Everyone stopped, turning to look at the new voice. “Never thought I would be the one being the sensible one,” Deadpool sighed. “Deadpool?” Phoenix asked. “When did-” “Hey Pheeny! Good to see ya!” “Who is this guy? You know him, Phoenix?” Nate asked. “Questions later! I got the essentials!” Deadpool called out. He moved to the side and revealed his stash. A George Foreman grill, cases of beer, and beef. Lots of beef. Beef burgers, hot dogs, cheese, buns, vodka, rum, and more. Let’s take a moment to think about it. Only team Appleloosa had anything close to meat. These are men- And a few women- That were all used to meat. Sweet delicious meat. When was the last time you went days eating only pastries or a partial vegetarian diet? “It’s so... beautiful,” Sokka said in a low voice as tears built in his eyes. “Sokka? Why is everyone quiet?” Toph sniffed the air a moment. “Is that?” “Yes... Salvation,” Sokka shut both eyes. He walked over to Deadpool and moved both arms to wrap around the mutant and shut his eyes. “Hello. My name is Sokka. And I love you.” “Ergh... Leggo, kid. Stop. This is getting weird.” Deadpool looked down at the teen, a bit. Huh? He felt someone touch his back. Ralf moved in, moving his arms to also hug the vigilante. “Uh, I don’t-” Soon, Deadpool was unable to speak as some moved to hug him. “Let me the grill! Wake up the kids!” Phoenix called as his mouth salivated a bit. When was the last time he had a cheeseburger? “Get us out of these...” Spy stopped talking, seeing Dan burrow into the ground and start digging his way towards the food. Doctor’s step to get on the good side of the humans. Step one: A gift. __________________________________ Twilight and the other residents of Ponyville finally arrived back home. Thankfully, since it was so late, many of them had turned in for the night. As they traveled, she had been reading from the book the 10th Doctor had given her. The other humans they didn’t not read about had lived also rough lives. Telling the others may make them feel worse, so she decided to sleep on it. She turned to look at them, wondering what their friends had on their minds. Pinkie Pie feared going home. Hew new house was big, and without Dan there it would feel awfully lonely. Applejack felt a bit better now that Dovahkiin had obtained his Brand. But she felt horrible about what how she treated her partner. His way of life was certainly different from her own, and it wasn’t right to judge him. Rainbow Dash was feeling good, glad Phoenix was back. But still, she wasn’t sure how to feel. Phoenix was here fighting on their behalf- And he had a daughter to get back to. Rarity walked with Sweetie Belle, trying not to think about Nathan’s growing up. A suicidal mother? She just hoped her little sister didn’t ask about it too much... “Wait! Everypony!” Twilight called out. “Before I forget! I learned something about the summon spell.” “Twilight, it is late,” Mayor Mare said. She was not too happy with Celestia or Twilight. While it was good Ash and the others could get their lives back, it was their idea to bring these poor souls to this land. She was not the only one feeling upset. Cheerilee was still upset over the children getting involved, and Junebug was mad. Why would they get mad at Merchant? He had done absolutely nothing wrong and just lived as a businessman. “It’s is really important. I need to tell you now in case you need to sleep on it...” “What is it, Ms. Sparkle?” Big Macintosh asked. He was little sympathetic, not sure how he should be feeling. The Doctor’s plan to win over the ponies was going to take a lot of work. “While researching the spell, I found out there’s a way to send our champions back. With no killing, sacrifices, or anything,” Twilight said as she turned her head to look at them all. “But why would we send them-” “This is something you deserve to know. We all know how the champions have suffered. If we send them back this way, they get their lives back. Just in case something goes wrong like last time- We can send them home before they get hurt. Or, if you feel that they don’t deserve to be here.” Twilight stopped talking, looking back at Applejack. “This is something you all need to think about. If you ever want to send them home, just touch your Cutie Mark and say ‘Your obligation is fulfilled.’” “Really? That’s it?” Rainbow Dash asked. “It seems Star Swirl didn’t want to make things hard in case they got hurt or we got hurt. Something short, simple, and fast.” “Thanks. At least next time we see our champions, we have a way to send them home if it’s a last case scenario,” Mayor Mare said. “Very well. Sleep well, if you can. Tomorrow, we have a lot of work to do.” ____________________________________ Later on that night, a sleepless pony looked out the window to look at the moon. Somehow, the moon didn't look as bright as it usually did. This pony was not the only one noticing this. A hoof moved to touch a Cutie Mark. “Your obligation is fulfilled.” Was whispered to the night. Day 5, end. Chapter proofreaded by LyonAzakura. Bonus: Later that night- Vegeta, full and happy, stayed in the cave to prevent himself from revealing his giant monkey form. He had a little dream. ”Kakarott... Kakarott. Oh you know what, screw this. Wake up, dumbass!” “Vegeta?” “You’re failing our race, Kakarott. Frieza is unlike any opponent you ever faced. Embrace your heritage. Become the saiyan that you were born to- “You’re naked.” “What?” “Why?” “Idiot. You don’t take your clothes with you when you die.” “But I kept mine. Even my weighted clothes, which is kinda weird-” “That lying red mother-” “Oh, hey Vegeta... you had a tail all this time?” Luthor asked, naked as the day he was born and floating in Goku’s subconsciousness. “Hm. Real men do not need clothes!” Gilgamesh called out as he swam past them both. “Damnit! Why are you all here?!” Vegeta called out. “I’m supposed to inspire this clod to-” “Wait, we can haunt people?” Wesker asked. “Excuse me, I got to invade Chris Redfield’s mind with naked images of me.” “Nice. You can then taunt him by saying he has homo erotic fantasies,” Master Xehanort called out. “Oh sweet god, naked old man!” Goku yelled out. He snapped out of his daze and used his Kaoi Ken to get out of Frieza hold of him in the water. Extra: The Doctor walked over to Morex25. He pushed a sick pony on a respirator on a bed. “Here. We found you a partner. It’s a sick pony, with cancer. He will pass away at any moment. So, here. We also got you some backup partners for your multiple personalities.” Tom the Rock, Sir Lintsalot, and the other inanimate objects from Pinkie’s solo party were pushed in by a pony. “Oh. By the way, some fellow named “Mister Shield” says he “Will destroy you and steal your fiance, booty booty booty booty rocking everywhere.”