Disclaimer: This chapter is, in part, told from the Point of View of Kaye. Improper word use is intentional, and may make your eyes burn a bit, and/or force you to think about what she meant.
Secondly, cursing will begin to be used, as certain characters get into stressful situations. I will do my best to use discretion as to what would and would not be considered ‘Teen’ rating (a.k.a. f-bomb won’t be used much at all, since that is a ‘Mature’ level-worthy curse.), but if a phrase seems overkill for ‘Teen’, let me know in the comments, and I’ll decide if I need to either change the curse, or if I should just change the fic to ‘Mature’, but I’d hate to do that just because of isolated cursing here and there, so… Ahem. Reader Discretion is advised, both for language and isolated Kaye-isms.
.o.O.o. Last Time .o.O.o.
“Ah ah! Ah ah! Ah ah! Who’s the best? I’s the best!”
“Well, tell you what. I’ll make my special cinnamon roll pancakes, and while we cook and eat you can answer a few questions, okay?”
“Wait, so wouldn’t that mean that ponies get stressed because they aren’t eating enough dessert?”
“Thou art such an elderberry sniffer!”
munch munch munch munch
“Fly, you foals!”
Gasp
No ways! Aunt Loony knows how to play Lord of the, the Onion Rings?! Aunt Loony is super awesome fantastical! She- wait a second… I thoughted that the Lord of the Onion Rings was a guy… So what is it when Loony is the Lord? Is she a Lady or a Lordess? Stoopid Middle Eastern histories! Why they has to make things so, so complicated?!
“Eep! H-hey, that’s not nice! You, you dun pick up somebody when they hasn’t said ish okay!”
“You, can thank me, when we, get out of this, alive!” Wisp saided, all weird. I mean, whai she already out of breaths? She only been carrying me for, like, five seconds! Is not like I’s heavy!
“But, but… But cocolat klims! Gots ta has cocolat klims!” Yeash! It’s like she’s never had breckfist before! Everyone knows that, that you finish breckfist with a glass of cocolat klim!
“What, is, klim?”
Hehe. She sounds funny! “It, ish, milks!” I exclaimed, hugging her neck. “It, bees, good, for bones!”
Ooh, a bridge! I didn’t know there was a river! Yayifications! Now I can learn how to swim! “Hey, hey Wisp, I, I wanna learn how to swim! You can teach me please? I thinks that- Birdie!”
Super special awesome fantastical jump hug glomp of epcial proportionses!
”Squawk!”
“Hai pretty birdie! I, I’s Kaye, and you, you is pretty! You can be my pet, okies? You looks like a Pokeymanz like I is! You, you is, um…” Oh dang, I thought I knewed this one! I gorra think!
I sitted back, letting the birdie have some space while I stroked my chin. After all, everyone knows that stroking you chin makes you think smarter! “Lesse… You has black feathers on you back… white tumbilly… green face… Oh! You’s a Tail Lope! Or is you a Swallower?”
“Ow… My spleen…”
“You’s clean? No you isn’t! You’s all covered in dirts! What kind of things you’s been doing, silly birdie? Oh! Oh, I still has to name you! Um, you can, can bees…”
Ish hard to name a cute birdie! Hmm… “How about Beaky?”
“My name, you insane little pink puff-ball, is Meis. Ow...”
I gasped, egg sighted. My little birdie can speak?! He bees super smart! Wait a second… “Mousie? Mousie isn’t a name for a birdie! That, that bees silly! You isn’t very clever… I know! I, I’s gonna call you Flambie!”
“I’m not a dragon bird,” my new pet argued, narrowing his eyes at me. “Mies. As in the plural of mouse.”
I stroked my chin again, cause it doesn’t make any sense! Or dollars. Or checks, but I’m getting on tag nents. Think, it bees called… “Oh! Ish like I run knees?”
“Yeah, sure, something like that.”
“Oh… Hey Mousie, you wants some cookies? We-”
“Oh Frell, hide!”
Owie! Meanie-head Wisp yanked on my tail! That hurted! And now I gots ta brushie it again! Cereals, that bees the, the dillionth time I got ta do it today, and ish not even lunch!
“Where art they?! Where are the cookie thieves?”
Oh! Ish sunny butt! Is we playing a game? Wisp bees saying to shushify, so I guess we’s playing Hide an Sneaks? Yay! I, I’s amazing at Hide and Sneaks! So I gots to be sneaky, huh? Gots ta find a hidey hole… Oh! There bees one!
“Sneaky sneaky… sneaky sneaky… sneaky sneaky…”
“Q-quiet, she’s gonna hear us!” Wispy whispered at me, trying to be sneaky, but she wasn’t.
“You has to say ‘sneaky sneaky’ if you wants to be quiet, silly,” I exclaimed to her. “You is the one who bees too loud! Sneaky sneaky… sneaky sneaky… Come on, Mousie, dun let her find us...”
“Thou! Winged one! Where didst the two cowards flee to?”
I bit my paw, praying dat Mousie wouldn’t betray his master. Mastress? Matress? Hmm… I should askify Wisp about that laters.
“No matter! We require that thou alert thine mistress we wish to speak to her!”
Sunnybutt wants to talk to me? But why would she… Nu! Ish a trap! You, you can’t foolify me!
“Ah! Fluttershy! We must have words with thee! We need thine aid!”
“Quick, now ish our time to, to escapade!”
While Sunnybutt walked into the tree, she- wait, how did she walk into a, a tree? Oh mai goshness! She bees a druid! That’s amazing sauces! Oh, Wisp says we gots ta run again. Bai bai!
That little pink puffball thinks she can just eat my cookies and get away with it because she’s ‘cute’? Pah! I’ll show her. I’’ll show everypony that you! Do! Not! Take my cookies!
I already secured Pinkie Pie’s help for my plans, and with Fluttershy’s animal army, I shall emerge victorious for certain!
“Fluttershy! We require your aid against my sister and her rude pet! Come!”
Ha! Celes thinks that Pinkie Pie is on her side? The foalish mare! Pinkie is clearly chaotic good, and will help anypony and everypony! She is on my side as much as she’s on Celly’s! Must think this through logically… She got to Twilight first, being her teacher, but we know thanks to reports from our spy that she is most atrocious at the most important task in this war. Celes must be most desperate indeed!
Of the remaining elements, Rainbow Dash and Rarity do not seem likely to help, at least in the preparations of war, so they shall be put aside for now. That leaves but Fluttershy and Applejack. Celes headed Northeast, so she clearly intends to recruit Fluttershy first, in hopes of relying on her animals. Foalishness! ‘tis the Apple Clan that shall win the day for certain! Arrivederci!
Wowwie zowwie! Everyone here ish, ish so purtyful an bright! Why they bees like dat? “Hey Wispy? Whai everybody bees all bright an stuffs?”
“Hmm? I… I don’t know, little one. Umm… Because they… get stallion’s attention?”
Wait, where has I heard of that stuffs afore? “Umm… So you mean you’s like birdies? Tryin to get attention and stuffs? Oo! How does I become all purply? I wanna bees purple! No, wait, teal, teal!”
I’m glad that Wispy isn’t carrying me anymore. It gets super boring just riding everywheres. I wanna asplore the town! I gots to find my friends and stuff, afteralls!
“So where we bees going? Oh! Oh, I know! Hey Wispy, I know, hey, hey Wispy! Hey!”
Hey! Why ish Wispy ignoring me? Dat’s rude! “Hey Wispy! Hey, hey, hey, hey-hey Wi- hey, hey Wispy. Hey!”
“What?!”
“I wanna see Moony. You, you can take me to Mista Moony? Pwease? You can play wiv us! He bees telling me alls about ponies, even though you dun look like normal ponies like back home, but the ponies back home, they, they dun talk like you do, or are as pretty, or as colorfulled, or can fly, or use magics, or-”
“- and I’m saving up to has a million pennies! Cause, cause pennies isn’t worth much at all, but if you had a million of them, then, then you’s really super duper rich, and I wanna bees super duper rich, cause then I can just buy myself a house, an a fambi-”
Dear Celestia, Luna and Discord, does she ever shut up?! I swear, any more and I’m going to have an aneurysm! Please, if any of you can hear me, please, I beg of you, I’ll accept anythi-
“Pink!”
I turned to see the three fillies I met at the castle rushing towards me, their eyes bright and their tails bushy. Not sure why the second part matters, really, but I felt it needed said.
“Hai! You camed to play wiv me? We can play tag! You can bees it!” the hyperactive ball of aggravating fluff chirped from my back, hopping down. Oh thank you, Celestia! My back… Ow… I might still be young, but she is heavy! It’s not like we were allowed much physical activity back in… A-anyway...
“What did she say, Miss Wind?” the yellow filly with the bow asked, tilting her head adorably. Such a cute little accent she has, ahh… Oh, right, question. Derp. Oh! That’s right, I owe Ditzy cupcakes, don’t I? I have to remember to bake her some once I- Right, sidetracked. Sigh...
“She was asking if you wanted to play with her, maybe a game of tag or something, even though she said earlier that she was looking for uh… Moony?”
“Oh, I know him!” the unicorn said, jumping up into the air. D’aww, her voice cracked! Ahh, kids… “The white one with the blue rings, right? He’s gonna take a tour of the farm with Fluffy! Wanna come see the farm with us? We’re just going to get our crusader capes first, because we have a crusader mission!”
“Oh! Oh! Can I bees a cruspader? I bet I’ll be super good at it!”
After translating, the three ‘crusaders’ put their heads together, whispering, before their spokespony, the pegasus filly, said, “Maybe, but you can’t join us yet, cause our next mission you wouldn’t be able to do.”
“Aww… Whai nots?”
“Because! Our next mission is… Cutie Mark Crusader Tour Attendants! Yay!”
Ow… Well, it’s not like I wanted to hear out of that ear this week anyway… Oh dear, they’ve foalnapped Kaye. Whatever shall I do? “No, stop, come back.” Oh well, can’t say I didn’t try.
“Thank Luna for small favours!” I moaned, finally allowing myself to relax on the grass in the shade of a nearby apple tree. Finally free… Finally free of the hyperactive ball of fluff. Finally a moment to myself, where I don’t have to act as a liason for Pokemon who aren’t Pokemon… As happy as I am that Pokemon are real, and I’m not crazy… I don’t even know what to do with my life anymore… I’ve lost… I don’t remember how many years of my life, and now I… What am I supposed to do?
“... -ind? Wisp, what are you doing here?”
Groan... My head… Did I doze off? What… Rarity? Fluffy?
“Wh-who? What?”
Oh, it’s uh… Applejack, Rarity, and Fluffy… Wait a second.. “I dozed off? Oh, oh no, no-no nonono! This-this is bad, this is very, very bad!”
“What is, darling? Surely a short nap isn’t going to have-”
What are you, stupid? Insane?! “Kaye is gone. Kaye has gone with the crusaders, and I have no idea where they are! Princess Luna is going to kill me!”
“Dar-darling, Wisp, breathe, breathe!”
“Breathe? Breathe?! Breathe!? I am breathing!” I shouted, waving my forehooves at the white unicorn. “I’m breathing plenty! It’s called hyperventilating! There’s plenty of breathing going on right now thank you very much! In fact, last I checked, hyperventilating is the very freaking definition of breathing far too much, so no, I will not breathe more; I’m going to try to-”
Smack!
I blinked, shocked, before slowly turning to Applejack. “... Did… You just slap me?”
”Cutie Mark Crusader Member Initiators! Yay!”
“What in tarna- Applebloom!”
Oh sweet Cadance, for the love of all that is good and sane in the world... Please tell me they didn’t…
“Fluffy, Wispy, lookit, lookit! I’ma cruspader now!”
Solar-flaring orgasms of Celestia, just kill me now...
Oh my goshness, this is going to be the most funnest thing ever! I bees a cruspader now! I gets to go on adventures, an find cutie markses, whatever those is, and, and be inna club! I… I can have friends… Maybe… Maybe I can has a fambily too?
“Oh, don’t you look simply darling!”
Yayifications! The pretty white unicorn thinks I’s pretty! Yay! Maybe she’ll want to adopt me! But didn’t Aunt Loony say something about… Umm… Combustications? Oh yeah! Papery stuffs. Bleh! Maybe pretty white pony has papery stuffs!
“Hey, Miss Pretty Pony? Does you have paper stuffs?”
“What, darling?”
Gasp! She called me Darling! That means she super duper likes me! I has a chance!
Wisp knows what I mean. Wispy will exclaim it to Miss Pretty Pony! She’s telling her and… Wait… Why she bees looked saddened? Whai doesn’t she… Oh… She must not has the papery stuff either...
“Fair Applejack, we are in need of thine aid!”
Yayifications, ish Aunt Loony! Is tiem to play! “Yay! Ish helping time!”
A wild Luna has appeared! What will Kaye do?
Kaye used Tackle!
Critical hit!
“Wee! I, I has conquerified teh Aunt Loony! I hereby claim dis pretty pony in the name of Kaye! I demands lotsa sugars, an latherings of gifts!”
Miss Wispy cleared her throat before infl… infra… telling Aunty Lune, “Kaye declares that she has conquered thee, and demands sugar and other appropriate spoils of war.”
“I missed a war? Oh come on! You take a three minute break to use the bathroom, and I missed a war?!”
“Mista Moony!”
Ish Moony! He bees super white, and glowy, an he’s totally like my big brother! “Moony, Moony, lookit! I’ma cruspader now! My cape is all gold, an ish shiny, like you! You’s kinda cool like dat.”
Mister Moony blinked, then looked at me all tilted. Why he does that? I doesn’t have something on my face, does I?
“I am not sufficiently warm? Are you saying I’m going to get sick?”
Wispy, dun laugh at poor Moony, ish not funny! “Of course you isn’t! Silly Moony! You… umm… Oh birdseeds! I forgoted what I was gonna ask you!”
“Did it have anything to do with the paper whatchamacallits you were talking about earlier?” Fluffy asked, being super duper smart.
“Oh yeah! The paper stuffs! Mister Moony, can you has paper stuffs to adoptify me? You, you can be my big brovver, kay?”
Pweeeeeeeease? Gotta use the biggestest kitty eyeses I can! Gotta be cute, gotta be cute...
Kaye used her ability, Cute Charm!
It hit the enemy Moonstone!
The enemy Moonstone is Infatuated!
What will he do?
“You… You want to be my little sister?” Moony said slowly, his eyes all weird. “I… You want to be family?”
“Yush! So will ya? Huh? Huh?” Come on, please has the paper stuffs, please has the paper stuffs..
“What paper stuff do I need?”
Noooooooo! Why… Why does nobodies got paper stuffs?! Was I a bad girl or something? No, I wasn’t, cause I bees super good all the time! I already asked everyb-
Fluffy! I has to askify Fluffy! Silly Kaye, of course Fluffy wants to adopt you! “Hey, Mista Fluffy, does y- Hey! Where, where everybody went?”
“Umm, they all went to the house,” Moony exclaimed, pointing to the barn. “Something about needing to cook a lot? I hope I get to help too. I know sixteen different recipes for how to cook grass!”
Wowie zowie! That bees a lotta reskipies! I’m not sure I even know that many kinds a cookies! Lesse, there bees cocolate chips, peter bubbers, sugars… frostings… The kind wiv Hershey kisses in dem… Ice cream cookies… Wait, cooking?!
“Cooking? I can cooks! I might even get a, get a cootie mark! C’mon, Moony, we’s gonna miss alla good jobs! Hurry, hurry!”
I pullified Moony as fast as I could, running faster than, than Flashy, or Sonic! Woosh, zoom, woohoo!
“Hai! My name ish Kaye, an I bees here to help cook the… Fluffy can cook?”
“Can’t everybody?”
I… huh. Fluffy makes a good arguings… Wait a seconds… “But then how can I help?”
“Oh, umm… Just a sec,” Wispy said, going to ask Aunt Loony some questions. “Uh-huh… You sure it’ll be alright? I suppose… Princess, that is one question you never ask of a child. They will always show you the answer, and it’s not one you want. Yes, Princess, I j- yes. N-no, I… Alright.”
“What, what? What does I get to do? Does I get to make cookies? Cake? Pie? Eye creames? Browni-”
“Eggs, Kaye. Just… Go out to the chicken coup, carefully get some eggs, then bring them back to us. Alright?”
“Cootie Mark’s Cruspader Egg Getterers! Yayifications!”
Oh yeah, it’s good to be back in the kitchen! Okay, they might not quite have the same technologies, but damn, do they have amazing ingredients to work with! I swear, it’s like this flour was milled just last week or something! But how the heck… They have hooves. And fur. How the hell are they able to knead the dough without getting it full of fur? Know what, no time to care, ‘cause I’m too busy learning as much as I can! If I thought I was a good cook before, after this I could-
Umm… Shit. Brian… Buddy, you there?
... Oh. It’s you.
Eh heh heh… Umm… Yeah? How uh, is it go-
Oh, now he cares. Just totally ignores me for I lost count of how long, and he thinks he can just waltz back in here like we’re still best buds. Well not today!
Wha… Oh come on! Please? It’s been insane lately! I’m just so overwhelmed that I just… come on, can’t you forgive me, buddy ol’ pal o friend o mine? I’ll try to do better in the future, I swear! I’ve just been in shock. Yeah, that’s it, shock! I was medically unfit to visit you! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Yeah, well your story stinks, so you must be glued to some feces or something!
... Okay, dude? That’s just gross. If you’re gonna be like that, I’ll just leave you alone again, if this is how you’re gonna treat me…
Woah woah woah, let-let’s not be too hasty there! I was just pulling your leg a little, that’s all! No need to get so testy!
... Meh. Whatever, we’ve got more important stuff to be worrying about, specifically… Did Wisp just tell Kaye to go get eggs?
Huh? Oh, well… Yeah, I think she d- oh fuck.
Brian! Language!
Meh. So sue me…
“Don’t tempt me…” I muttered under my breath, sighing heavily as I prepared to give chase.
“Hmm? Something wrong, Glenn?”
Huh? Oh, right… Dammit. Knew I shouldn’t have told her my name, she’s going to confuse everyone! “Yeah, Wisp, there is. You just sent Kaye to go get eggs…”
“... What’s wrong with sending Kaye to get eggs? I helped gather eggs when I was her age, so what’s the-”
“Wisp…” Don’t strangle her, don’t strangle her… Don’t get in trouble with the law when there’s a princess hovering right over your shoulder... “Think about what kind of Pokemon she is… What type of animal does Kaye look like, if you look past the fur color.”
“Huh? Well, I guess she kinda looks like a fox, but I don’t really see how that-”
Okay, I have to admit, it took her a little longer than I wanted for her to realise the problem, but damn, her face was priceless! That almost made up for the time we lost in preventing the on-coming disaster we were sure to find. Almost.
“Oh Luna rape me with the moon…”
... Okay, Brian, brah… you ain’t got nothin on this chick when it comes to swearing… Wow, talk about inventive… That… is a very disturbing thought sh-
“Why wouldst we do something so clearly impossible? Besides, the energy it would take to bring the moon down to Equestria would be far too great to punish a single pony for… whatever it is they did. A city? Impractical, but possible, I suppose. An entire nation, though, that… that takes me back…”
... B-Brian… I’m scared…
H-hold me…
I looked to the side, relieved that Rarity and Aplejack had similar levels of mind-rape displayed across their visages. Applejack recovered first, muttering, “Thank Celestia that the crusaders weren’t here to hear that, or Ah would have-”
“Applejack,” Rarity interrupted, her eyes somehow growing even wider. How do they even do that?! They’re already freakishly huge to begin with! I’d wonder if I wasn’t in an anime, but it isn’t nearly messed up enough for that. Well, then again.. Okay, shelving the idea for later as a theory. “If the crusaders aren’t here helping cook… Then where are they helping?”
I glanced out the window, before saying a simple three word prayer that said everything that could possibly be said. “Oh dear God…”
“... Well, at least we got the eggs, right?”
“... We’re so dead. We’re deader than dead. We’re worse than dead…”
“... Think they’ll go easier on us if ah get some tree sap ta put on us?”
“Let’s do that again! Wee!”
That, that was the most funnest thing ever in the history of funning! First I gotted to play tags with the chicken birdies, and then we raced to see who could get the most eggses, and then-
“Uhh… Guys? I’m thinking that maybe we should go see if Pinkie Pie could use our help. Or Twilight. Or Fluttershy. Or, you know, anypony who isn’t your sisters and wants to kill us for what happened. All in favour?”
“Aye!”
“Eeyup!”
“Yush!”
Wait, what is I yushing? Oh! A nedventure! Wee, let’s go! This is the bestest place in the world semi-colon! Or explinating mark. Yeah, explinating mark is much muchier!
Wait, is the barn supposed to be that way? Why bees the chickens all over the places? Is not like we meant to breakify their house… or the barn… or the pretty trees… Oh wells! I’m sure Aunt Loony can fixy them up super fast! She’s a princessess, after all. She’ll just fix it like ‘woosh!’ an’ it’ll be done!
But, um, I’ll just leave the eggses right here, so she knows I did my job before playing. Don’t wanna get in trouble...
Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap…
H-how did they ever talk me into this?! Past Meis, I swear to God, I am going to kill you if I survive this! How the hell is being in an air balloon going to save my life if I fall from it?! Forget avoiding the fight! I’d rather face a hundred wars than be up here any more! I-
“U-um, Meis? Are you alright? You’re shaking really badly. Are you cold? I can get you some more blankets to cling to, if you want. Um, if it wouldn’t be a bother, I mean.”
… Damn I wish I could bring myself to hate Fluttershy for suggesting this as a means of escape… I normally hate the ‘cute’ characters in animes, but in person, you just can’t tell them no… Doesn’t help that her eyes are like, the size of my head, and her tears are so much larger if it gets to that point… Why did I have to be a damn bird? It’s like God is mocking me or something.
“D-do you really think we’ll be safe from the fight up here? I saw Pinkie setting up some cannons or something earlier…”
Oh. Right, the fight. I knew there was a reason I was clinging to the hot air balloon for dear life for a good reason. Ish. Not sure how plummeting to my death is any better than the upcoming fight, but I suppose this way I at least get to see how and when I die, as apposed to being surprised. Meh, semantics. Who needs ‘em?
Let’s see, what’s going on? I hate not being able to see, but if I look over the basket, then I might fall out, but I don’t know what’s going on, and all I can see is the sky and the balloon, and okayI’mlookingawayfromtheskynow!
Okay, ground. Ground that is kinda far away. That could rush up to me and slam into my beak in just a few seconds if something went wr-
“Good God!”
“W-what’s wrong?!”
Okay, I’m awake! I’m alive! Until my heart pounds out of my chest, I’m alive! Why aren’t you panicking about our crashing to our dooms, Fluttershy?! Flutter for your life!
“Meis, Meis, I need you to calm down, okay? We’re perfectly fine up here, see? The meter thingies are all steady, there isn’t any turbulence… Everything is fine, alright? Would it help if I held you? I-I’m not the strongest flier, but I can easily carry you, if that would make you feel better. You know, if something did happen to the balloon, which it won’t, but if it did, I’d be able to carry you down safely. Umm, if that would make you feel better, th-”
“Yes.”
Call me a baby. I don’t give a damn! I’d rather be held like a teddy bear if it means I won’t die! Okay, I can see the trees. Nice, calming trees swaying in the breeze. Those green leaves, rustling gently, those ants, walking along the-
How the hell can I see that?!
I slammed my eyes shut, praying that Fluttershy would soar safely to the ground, but she didn’t move. Oh great, I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m go-
Wait, we’re… fine? I opened my eyes, and sure enough, we weren’t moving. We were still in the basket, which was virtually motionless. But if the ground wasn’t getting closer, then why was…
“Holy crap I have binocular eyes!”
“Umm… You want something to drink?”
… Oh, right. Butterball here can’t understand me. Yay. Oh well, don’t let her spoil the moment! With these eyes I can-
Oh, wait… Dammit. Okay, these eyes aren’t any good for spying in this world anyway. What? Don’t judge me! You’d think about that too if you had these eyes, and the perfect disguise of a bird!
Okay. This… this is manageable. Wow. And I thought I had great eyesight before! Let’s see, what’s going on… Ponies running for their pitiful lives, check. Doors slamming and windows being barred, check. Ponies that are staying outside are donning protective gear, check. Being driven insane by the sheer amount of sugar this town managed to produce in a single day... Check… Oh, this food fight is going to be legend-
“Sister!”
… jerks. Okay, so Loony is trying to reason with her sister, who has been slighted by the pink puffball eating her… Seriously? All of this because a child ate some cookies who didn’t know any better? At least this shouldn’t get too out of ha-
Kaboooom
Save me, save me, hurt them, hurt them! Don’t let them hurt me, Fluttershy! I’m small and incredibly frail! I freaking hate having hollow bones!
Oh… Wow… Please tell me someone is getting all of this on high-definition, high-speed cameras… Pastries are flying so fast I can hardly tell who is getting hit with what! Wait, is that… Holy shit that’s a huge pie! What are they going to-
A cannon?! They’re stuffing what’shisname the Totodile in the cannon holding a giant pie?! That will suffocate whoever it hits! It-
Oh Dear God, Kaye, get out of the way! You’ll-
Oh no… Oh no, oh no, oh no, she- she’s going to be alright. She has to be… She’s just a kid, for crying out loud, she doesn’t deserve for that to-
Oh thank God… She’s moving, at the very least...
The town is in absolute chaos! People are passing out from sugar-overdose left and right! The streets are strewn with sugar and frosting everywhere my eyes can see! The only two left standing anymore are the two princesses, and they both look like they’ve exhausted most of their magic. Whoever wins, it’s not going to be by much, and… Wow, I hope the reconstruction bills are worth whatever this fight was over...
*Sniff sniff*
Mmm… Sugar-coated gems… Roasted Rubies… Caramelized Citrines… Sauted Sapphires…
*Sniff sniff*
No, no, too much sugar… Rarity, you shouldn’t have-
*Snort*
I-I’m up, I’m up! I-
… Why are the streets covered in sugar, frosting, and pastries? Did Discord decide to pay the town a visit or something? Oh no… The Library!
I swear, if he’s messed up the library, then Tartarus hath no fury like a dragon scorned! “Though I suppose I should check if scorned means what I think it means… Meh, I’ll do it later. After all, it-”
W-what? “N-no… No! Nooooo!”
T-the books… The books! There’s food everywhere! “I, no, this can’t be happening! I refuse to believe this! Twilight? Twilight, where are you?!”
“S-Spike? You’re safe! Oh thank Celestia…”
No… Why is Twilight laying down in the middle of this mess? How? “Who… Who did this to you?! Who destroyed the library?! Answer me!”
Woah! My voice sounds cool like that! All deep and macho. I’ve got to use that more often! I am… The Batcolt!
Then again, that sounds kinda lame. Hmm… I’ll have to think of a better name.
“We, Celestia wanted us to make weapons… We had to be prepared. Please, don-”
“I shall avenge thee! Onward, to glorious-
“Wait, what if Rarity is hurt? Oh no! Rarity! I’m coming for you, my beloved!”
Gotta head to the boutique! I have to make sure she’s safe! I-
The boutique looks like a cake! It’s completely smothered in pastries and frosting! I-I have to figure out how to get her out! Do I dig? Eat? Should I-
“We… shall not give in, Sister.”
Huh? Wait, Princess Luna and Celestia? What are they doing?
“We… demand an apology… for your pet’s actions!”
“Do not call Kaye a pet! Thou knowest she is a poor orphan foal who knows no better! We shall prevail!”
They? They caused this? They hurt Rarity’s home?!
“Prepare for our final attack! We will win! We shall-”
“No! That’s it! You ruined the library, you covered the town in pastries and sugar, you covered Rarity’s house in all of those filthy pastries, and I won’t clean it up! I refuse to clean any more messes that aren’t my fault, and I’m not gonna take it anymore!
Kyra, I swear to God, I don’t even know how they did it… There’s no way they could have planned that song ahead of time, but I shit you not, drums started playing out of nowhere, and then Spike started singing Twisted Sister…
My mind = blown. Can all of these ponies sing? Is there some sort of spell that lets them do that? Please let there be something, anything, that can let me sing well. I don’t care what it costs, I’ll do it. I just...
Ow. I never knew working in a kitchen for hours could hurt so much. I’ve never knew it could be so hard. And carrying all of those cakes and pies and turnovers a-
Ow, ow, ow… okay, done writing. Hurt too much. I wonder if I can sing in my dreams? If I can, I am never waking up. Except to earn more gold. Gold is important too. Yay investments!
~ Ignis ‘Fluffy’ Solaire (The Flareon)
p.s. Putting Fluffy in quotes since Belle seems to think the whole name is my name, as opposed to simply ‘Fluffy’. At least things will never get boring here...