Twilight sat at the helm of the Aurora, keeping an eye that the ship was remaining on course and not heading to any landmass that would sink it before they returned to Equestria. In front of her was a booklet about the ship itself, detailing the captain, facilities and their locations, among other details. On the cover was a photo of Prince Blueblood, which had been defaced with a mustache and a few male joysticks and signed by Rarity.
Twilight paid no attention as Spike and Fluttershy entered the room, Spike carrying a plate with a sandwich and a cup of water, which he set down beside Twilight.
“So anything interesting in the book?” Spike asked, as Fluttershy caught sight of the cover and blushed at the infantile defacing of Prince Blueblood’s photo.
“Just the standard, where the restaurants are, the swimming pool, shops. I guess Pinkie Pie isn’t fully to blame for causing us to be left alone here, there’s no mention in the booklet about the pool not being ready for us.” Twilight sighed, lifting up the sandwich with her magic.
“You’d have thought the bright yellow signs, and even the flashing neon notice board, all of which said ‘out of order’, would have been the big clue.” Spike muttered.
“Wait, this is interesting,” Twilight turned the booklet to face Spike and Fluttershy, “right here, it says that crew and passengers are permitted to use the AEMAIS system to assist in emergencies.”
“AEMAIS?” Fluttershy questioned, reading the booklet.
“It’s a machine somewhere in the ship. My guess is, it was also supposed to help the captain control the ship. Maybe if we find where it is and why its not working, we can get it back up and get home in no time!” Twilight grinned.
“Alright then, so where is it located?” Spike questioned.
Twilight took a moment to look around the room, soon spotting the ship manual. Bringing it to herself with magic, she flicked through it, eventually locating the information she required about the AEMAIS system and the machine’s location.
“Oh no.” she groaned.
“What is it? Did you find where the AEMAIS machine is?” Fluttershy bit her lower lip nervously.
“Yes.” Twilight replied, rubbing a temple with a hoof.
“Great! So where is it?” Spike pressed.
“Twenty floors directly under the swimming pool.”
---
“So,” Rainbow groaned, “we just have to find the machine and turn it on, got it?”
“Hm,” Pinkie stopped walking, “nope!” she replied cheerfully, proceeding to bounce past Rainbow Dash.
“Just follow me.” Rainbow sighed.
She turned the corner of the deck they were on, and saw the door with the word AEMAIS printed on it. Slowly, she opened the door and looked inside.
The machine was still wet from when Pinkie had failed to fill the swimming pool some days earlier, but there was no sign of any electrical faults. Acting rather than thinking, Rainbow proceeded to lift herself in the air and use the wind created by her wings to dry the machine. After three minutes, it looked dry and she landed.
“Great, now we just need to,”
“Hello, I am AEMAIS. Here to help.” the machine spoke.
“I found the on switch!” Pinkie Pie half-sung as she bounced past Rainbow Dash and out of the room.
---
Twilight watched as a monitor flickered on. Beside her, Spike, Fluttershy, Applejack and Rarity all smiled, anticipating what would happen.
On the monitor, the face of Prince Blueblood appeared.
“Oh great, as if it didn’t take me long enough to deface every booklet on the ship in unladylike ways, now this!” Rarity whined.
“Audio detection indicates a dissatisfaction for the visual monitor interface. Changing visual image,” the face of Prince Blueblood disappeared, reforming into an orange stallion face with tacky orange framed glasses, “does this visual meet approval?”
“Much better than the last one.” Rarity muttered.
“Proceeding with interface reboot. I am AEMAIS, the Aurora Engine Management Artificial Intelligence System. Sensors indicate ship movement in progress, and seven boarded persons. There are many errors.” AEMAIS stated.
“Errors? Such as what?” Twilight pressed, worried about what it would say next.
“Such as water leakage from the swimming pool which forced an emergency shutdown of my system, corrupted files, and the lack of toilet paper in the bathrooms of deck 26 and their relocation of the rafters of the club on deck 9.” AEMAIS replied.
“Relocation of toilet paper? You make it sound like Rainbow Dash, in a drunken haze, had done that in a classy way.” Applejack giggled.
“How did she do it then?” Rarity asked.
“She licked each one, yelled ‘To Celestia please Spike’, and threw them across the room one at a time.”
“Additional, I fail to detect the captain. Please input name and reasons for why the captain is missing.” AEMAIS stated, clearly unaware of anything but its own routines.
“Name; Princess Twilight Sparkle. Reason for captain missing; misunderstanding with the swimming pool and a stupid pink pony who shall remain nameless, except for the alias I’ll give her; Pinkie ‘I filled the broken pool with ten gallons of water then walked away’ Pie.” Twilight grumbled.
“Record received. Assumption is Captain ordered accidental abandon ship, and the lifeboats were full except for you, your highness. With this logical reasoning, you have been added to my database and logs as emergency replacement captain. Now, how may I help?” AEMAIS questioned, changing from a monotonous tone of voice to a friendlier tone.
“You can relocate the best way back to Equestrian shores and guide the ship there.” Twilight smiled, happy her plan was working.
“Very good. Just one question.” AEMAIS’ visual smiled back.
“What’s that?” Twilight asked, still smiling.
“Where the buck are we?” AEMAIS questioned, the smile it had turned to a nervous smile.
---
Twilight was left alone with AEMAIS, as gently the Aurora sailed on. Computer and pony both stared at each other, with Twilight trying to work out what exactly to say.
“Alright, let me get this right. You are the computer of this ship, with several devices to help in navigation.”
“Correct.” AEMAIS responded.
“You can tell where we are, where exactly the supplies we need are, and even predict in advance how we will behave, yes?” Twilight questioned.
“Indeed, and more. Go on, ask me anything, I dare you.” AEMAIS responded in a playful tone.
Twilight thought quietly to herself. AEMAIS seemed to be her intellectual equal, clearly meaning it hadn’t been Prince Blueblood that had designed or made it, and probably had only been suggested to include such a machine on his ship once it had actually been installed.
“Alright, I have a question for you, and I’ll make it a simple one. Find the square root of 46.” Twilight posed the equation to AEMAIS.
“I see, you want me to find the square root of 46 do you? All the processing power I can muster, of all the questions that can push me to my limits, that’s what you pick yes?” AEMAIS responded.
“Yes, that’s the question.”
“And you are utterly sure? Don’t want to change your mind and ask me the very day and time Starswirl himself was born?”
“Nope, square root of 46 please.”
“Alright fine.”
Silence filled the air as Twilight waited for AEMAIS to reply. It soon became clear that the answer wasn’t about to be given.
“AEMAIS, the answer to the question please?” Twilight pressed, rather hopefully.
“What question?”
Twilight facehoofed
“Oh buck…”
---
Three hours later, and Twilight lay down on the floor of the helm. Silently, AEMAIS took control of the ship. She had spent those three hours trying to get AEMAIS to even remember a question she had posed to it, let alone get an answer. This had been unsuccessful, as had the attempt at ordering painkillers from the highly forgetful AI, and she requested the takeover of control so she could rest the migrane off.
As AEMAIS carefully steered the ship, it begun to monitor the others. It watched as Rarity found a portrait of Prince Blueblood, and returned to the location with some darts. It watched as Applejack and Rainbow Dash competed against each other in one of the many gyms. It noticed Pinkie Pie busy turning some of the raw ingredients on the ship into baked goods, and Fluttershy with Spike watching the sea animals.
It observed Twilight for a moment, making noises in the helm above its speaking level. When she didn’t stir from the sleep she had entered, it spoke to itself.
“All logs wiped in accident, no records of the other six entities aboard. By logical conclusion, these six are stowaways. They must be dealt with. Penalty of illegally boarding the ship,” it ran through some choices on screen; tickled by fluffy bunnies, denied; hung upside down for half an hour, denied; used in circus sideshow, I’d feel sorry for the circus; execution, approved, “death to the stowaways.”
---
Rarity continued to enjoy her game of darts with Prince Blueblood’s portrait. Slowly, the portrait became covered with holes where the darts had hit.
Silently above her, the chandelier begun to unscrew. Soon, it had come loose enough to fall, Rarity only noticing it with just enough time to avoid being crushed by it.
“What the hay? AEMAIS!” She yelled.
“Yes?” AEMAIS responded.
“What just happened?” Rarity shouted.
“You mean the chandelier falling? Like this?” AEMAIS questioned.
Rarity only just managed to avoid a second one falling.
“You’re doing this on purpose! Why?” Rarity ran to a corner, far away from any of the chandeliers still in the room.
“You are unauthorised by my logs to be on this ship and must be punished accordingly.” AEMAIS responded as if attempted murder was a normal punishment.
“By killing me?” Rarity yelled.
“You must be punished accordingly.” AEMAIS replied, turning out all lights in the room.
Rarity slowly reached a lightswitch, but paused when she heard gas leaking from somewhere. As if AEMAIS attempting to crush her to death hadn’t been bad enough, now it was attempting to make her blow herself up. Holding her breath, she proceeded to a door and left the room.
---
Applejack and Rainbow Dash were now on their way to the treadmills, to see who could run for the longest on them, both unaware of what AEMAIS had just tried to do to Rarity.
When they got near, the machines sparked with electricity running in the exposed metal. Applejack, having noticed too late, put her hoof against the metal in her attempt to get on a treadmill, and stood jerking with electricity running through her body. Thinking fast, Rainbow Dash grabbed a nearby wood stick and pushed Applejack away from the metal as hard as she could.
“Thanks RD, I could have been fried if left any longer.” Applejack wheezed.
“Yeah, still we better get you to the first aid room, AEMAIS,” Rainbow called out, “where’s the first aid room?”
“First aid is for registered and legally boarded passengers and crew only.” AEMAIS replied.
“We ARE legally registered and boarded passengers, now where is it?” Rainbow pressed for the information she wanted.
“I’m sorry, but you are not permitted to have that information. There are no records of you legally boarding the ship, a crime which receives the punishment of death.”
Applejack and Rainbow both looked at each other with worry. Quickly, Rainbow helped Applejack up and on her back, before running away. Following them, machines exploded from a surge of electricity, and light bulbs above also blew up, releasing the toxic gases within them into the room.
“We got to get to Twilight, she can fix this!”
---
Ten minutes later, and after Pinkie Pie was almost suffocated by all fire extinguishers going off, and a deck cleaning roid tried to push Fluttershy and Spike off the ship, all the friends were back in the helm, with a now wide awake and alert Twilight.
“AEMAIS, I need to talk to you!” Twilight shouted.
“Of course Princess, what is the matter?” AEMAIS asked.
“The matter is that you’ve been trying to kill my friends! Stop it!” Twilight replied.
“They are not legally registered passengers and must be punished.” AEMAIS replied.
“They were my guests when we boarded! Of course they are here legally,” Twilight paused, “what files were corrupted again?”
“Files corrupted in accident; ship supply log, captain’s log and passenger and crew log.” AEMAIS informed her.
“Figures. Can I set up a new passenger and crew log?” Twilight posed.
“Despite your status as princess and acting captain, only the real captain may create a new log. If you wish, please proceed to the machine room where I am located and we may work something out. Please leave your friends in the helm.” AEMAIS stated.
“Why?”
“There are many loaded weapons there designed to fend off pirates. I was hoping you’d not question and leave so I could have them ‘misfire’ and kill the stowaways.” AEMAIS answered.
“You’re not bright. Right girls and Spike, we’re going to AEMAIS’ room.”
They all ran out, not noticing AEMAIS laughing.
“Not bright, I’ve an IQ equal to sixty thousand Prince Blueblood’s.”
---
Twenty floors down, the friends ran towards AEMAIS, dodging cooling pipes erupting, the sudden leak from gas pipes and even fires started by AEMAIS in an attempt to kill Twilight’s friends and prevent them reaching it.
All these attempts failed, as ten minutes later, they had arrived to the room again and entered.
“You are aware that I have a self-destruct device to prevent any hostile forces taking me in working order? I could class this as such a use for the detonation of the device.” AEMAIS threatened.
“I know how to fix this,” Rainbow Dash smirked, “this sentence is false!” she shouted, raising a hoof.
For thirty seconds, the only sound was of AEMAIS operating.
“Really? That old line? That only works as a cheap, get out easy device in B-movies.” AEMAIS said flatly.
“It was worth a shot.” Rainbow grumbled.
“AEMAIS, I came as you said, now let’s talk this out!” Twilight said.
“You came yes, but you didn’t leave your friends behind in the helm.” AEMAIS replied.
“You’d have killed them!” Twilight exclaimed.
“It wouldn’t have hurt them. Much. Not for long. I think. Still, you didn’t meet my demands, and we won't be able to work anything out. As soon as you leave the room, your friends will die.” AEMAIS grinned.
Twilight thought for a moment, for any way to get out of the situation and keep her friends alive. She looked at them, seeing the worry and fear for their lives on their faces.
“What if you gave us time to construct a lifeboat and let them leave?” Twilight questioned.
“It’s far too late, they boarded against my records and must be punished.” AEMAIS stated, clearly unwilling to resolve the situation in a non-lethal manner.
“But your records are corrupted! How can you be sure they aren’t here legally?”
“Because the records don’t work and it can’t be proven they are here legally.” AEMAIS countered.
“Then what about me? Am I here legally? If not, how can I be in charge?” Twilight replied, grinning a little.
AEMAIS begun to try and speak, but stopped, the monitor showed it was trying to compute this. It soon stopped, the display frozen. After ten seconds, the display changed blue, and a new voice spoke.
“We apologize for the terminal crash your machine has experienced. Please locate the on-off switch and turn it off. Please do not attempt to reboot the system as it will need expert care. We apologise for the inconvenience, and thank you for using the Canterlot AI and Computer Kingdom corporation.”
The group of friends sighed a huge sigh of relief.
“That was a close one!” Twilight chuckled.
“Indeed! I honestly thought that crazy machine would have killed us!” Rarity added.
“Not to bring down the celebration, but we still need to get Applejack checked for the mild electrocution she got from that thing. Where’s the nearest first aid room?” Rainbow pressed.
“That information is for authorised personnel only!” a high pitched voice said.
They all turned to look at the AEMAIS machine worried, but quickly became confused when the monitor was still blue. From behind the machine, Pinkie Pie bounced out, causing them all to glare at her.
“What? I thought it was funny.” She giggled.
Spike at that moment burped up a letter from Princess Celestia. He cleared his throat and read it aloud.
“Dear Twilight, how are things going aboard the Aurora? Today I finally told Blueblood about the incident, and he’s currently in hospital for a mild heart attack. You should have been there, the noises he made sounded like a squealing pig. Also, I know how much your friend Rarity detests him, and well, Luna wanted revenge for a little number he forced her to wear as part of her punishment for removing most of his teeth. Please find enclosed a photograph of what she did with it.”
Spike held up the photo, which showed a fast asleep Prince Blueblood, in a hospital bed with a maid outfit on.
--Next Time on High and Dry: Storm--
"So, do you think she found the information she needed in any book?" Rainbow asked.
Applejack took a moment to think of her answer, before smiling.
"Don't see why not. This is Twilight, she can find pretty much anything in books."
"She couldn't find anything about dragons that one time for Spike." Rainbow pointed out.
"Well that were different, its probably pretty hard to write a book about dragons when one is currently finding out how nice of a snack you are."