//------------------------------//
// (2) - Discourse 
// Story: A Legendary Issue 
// by Solecism 
//------------------------------//

A Legendary Issue

(2) - Discourse




"Personally," Discord began, "I think that Bidoof is the best Pokemon. No offense to you, my dear Metagross, but I'd much rather have one of those adorable little things as a pet than you or one of your evolutionary relatives."

I sighed. With Discord, you never knew what answer you'd get. "A Bid—are you mad? Actually, don't answer that: I already know the answer."

I grunted and shifted a single dextrous leg, dispelling a curious raven who let out a startled caw. Through the bird's limited intelligence, I could discern that it was genuinely surprised that I moved; it thought I was a statue.

"Honestly, I don't know why I even bother discussing these things with you, Discord," I continued.

"Me neither." I heard Discord laugh internally. "You'd think you'd learn after the first time, or maybe even the fifth time conversing with me, but no. Why do you keep coming back, anyway? Is there really nothing better for you to do than listen to a mad god's tales?"

Why did I keep coming back? I wasn't entirely sure of the answer myself. Maybe it was because Discord was one of the few things that never changed, and I could always rely on him to surprise me, no matter the subject.

Heck, maybe I just liked the sound of his voice. If I had the choice between having my life narrated by Discord or Morgan Freeman, it would be close, but I'd have to go with Discord.

"I'm not entirely sure," I answered honestly. "Anyway, how have things been in—" I looked around at all the statues, "—Medusa's lair?"

Discord shrugged mentally. "Can't complain. I'm getting a bit sick of the ravens using me as a perching post, but it's better than them using me as a toilet. Oh, and I escaped a little while ago—or was it a long while ago—or has it happened yet? Hard to say: time may or may not be cyclical when encased in stone."

I was just about to ask him which it was, but I decided against it: I probably wouldn't have received a straight answer anyway.

"And how was your brief escapade, then?" I asked. "Make any new friends?"

I saw a mental image of Discord stroking his magnificent beard in thought. "I may have," he responded cryptically. "Only time will tell. Actually, speaking of time, you're running out of it: you should probably do what you're supposed to be doing. Thanks for stopping by, though: I appreciate the company, even though you're about as interesting as a sack of potatoes."

I shook my head slightly. "Really? Comparing me to a potato sack? That's low, even for you. What do you have against potatoes, anyway? Or is it the cloth sacks?"

"Potatoes in general," Discord clarified, even though what we were discussing still made zero sense. "Ever since one of those ground apples stole my wallet, I have held a severe distaste for them. Call me old-fashioned, but I don't forgive a grudge that easily."

I had nothing more to say about that.

"I think I'll leave our conversation right there."

"Don't let me keep you from saving the world. Toodle-oo, Paul. Talk to you in another century or so?"

"We'll see. And it's James."

"Whatever you say, Ringo. Remember to watch out for the young ones: they bite."

I shook my head took a few steps, breaking the mental connection that I shared with Discord. Sometimes, it was better not to ask.

After flexing my claws to get the proverbial blood flowing, I made my way to a small clearing in the Garden and took to the air. The large, nearby doors leading to the Castle were big enough to fit my hulking frame, but the staircase below would crack if I put the entirety of my weight upon it. The same went for the rest of the interior. Marble never went out of style, but it wasn't the strongest substance around. I learned that the hard way.

I drifted lazily through the door, glad for all the years of practice I had. I'd come a long way since face-planting into the ground whenever I tried to levitate. Strangely, Shining Armour was nowhere to be seen, and the hallway was eerily empty.

Had I spoken to Discord for too long? No, that couldn't be it, because I doubt Shining wouldn't search the nearby Gardens, and if he did, he would've found me easily.

The problem with telepathy is that, depending on the level of connectivity between the two recipients, the conversations that occurred either be processed slower than Wal-Mart dial-up, or quite literally at the speed of thought.

As if to answer my question, I heard the tell-tale clip-clop of hoofsteps come from the corridor to my right. It took a few seconds more for Shining Armour to round the corner and head in my direction.

I guess that meant Discord and I were quite mentally compatible. I wasn't sure whether to be thrilled or terrified at the prospect. Probably terrified. Terrified seemed to be the correct choice.

While I waited for Shining Armour to approach, I thought back to the last time I had been in the Royal Castle.

Whether it was by chance or coincidence, the last time I was here happened to fall on the day that there was a school trip. Imagine my surprise when, as I'm in the middle of an engaging conversation with Discord about waffles, an entire pack of foals start using me as a freakin' jungle gym! The worst part was that I couldn't do anything the little buggers off, since I wasn't allowed to scare children anymore (long story; don't ask). Eventually, the field trip moved onwards, leaving me free from their abusive little hooves.

The part that got me the most was when the teacher, a unicorn, looked back at me and winked, like she knew I pretended to be a statue the entire time. Bloody ponies.

Lost in a memory, I almost forgot to respond when Shining Armour closed the gap between us and asked, "Shall we?"

I nodded, focusing back on the present. "Lead the way," I said, neglecting to mention that I probably knew the route better than he did.