//------------------------------// // 26: It's a shame I use kilometres. // Story: Honor the Dead // by BinaryTroll //------------------------------// Honor the Dead by BinaryTroll Pre-read by Honored Service Chapter 26: “It's a shame I use kilometers.” -------------- With blinding speed Edward swooped down from the sky, a bolt of black and blue racing towards Joel. He dug a nice large furrow in the ground with his face. “I hate my life.” Edward muttered through a mouthful of soil. “Well, I guess I have some dirt on you now.” Joel snickered. “Going to fucking murder you.” Edward said, still lying face down. “That wasn't even a good pun.” Shyvanna said, giggling anyway. “Going to fucking murder you all.” I stood up and stretched my wings to their full length. “Well then, everypony...” I smiled. “And everyhuman.” Edward held up a hand. “Actually, it's everybody. Everybody can easily refer to any and all races simultaneously without any racial discrimination of any kind. Unless there are some sort of bodiless beings out there. That would be rather interesting actually.” “Shut up.” Shyvanna and Joel said in unison. I sighed good-naturedly. “Alright then, everybody, I shall be off.” Joel and Edward waved. “Bye.” I vanished back to the dreamscape. Edward “That was weird.” “Your telling me.” I lowered my hand and blinked. “So how the hell did we all end up in a linked dream?” “I'd say that its partly because of our proximity, partly just luck.” Vi theorized, slowly walking over to our group. “Well, I've never been one to say there are no coincidences.” I cracked my knuckles. “So now what? Do we wanna wake up?” “I don't think dreams work like that.” Shyvanna said. “They do for me.” I raised my hand and grinned. An alarm clock appeared in my hand. “Ring-a-ding ding baby.” Reality (or is it, dun dun dun, etc) I opened my gluey eyes to the rising sun. I shut them again quickly. Man, I hadn't pulled the old alarm trick in ages. I used to never get up before noon. Those were the days. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?” “Right on time.” I muttered. I raised a hand to shield my eyes from the sun and opened my eyes. “Good morning Shyv.” A rather pissed off half dragon looked down at me, her hair sparking slightly. “Was that really necessary?” “Come on, it's just a little noise.” “A million alarm clocks?” “Whats wrong with that?” “A million alarm clocks? Oh, I don't know, maybe because THEY BURST MY FUCKING EARDRUMS!” “Uh, three things. One, it was a dream, you can't burst your eardrums in a dream. Two, How do you know about eardrums anyway? I thought you were raised by dragons, I doubt they would have biology in school. Three, how do you know about alarm clocks? I haven't seen any in possession of any of the dragons. I think.” “I lived in Canterlot for a few years when I was younger. I thought I told you that.” I propped myself up on one elbow. “Yeah, I don't have the greatest memory. You might have. I don't know.” Shyvanna sighed and stormed off. I took out one of the tiny Dandy Boy Apples and popped open the box. “Hey Vi, can I have an expansion spell over here please?” She stepped over and touched the box with here horn. It became normal size. “Cheers.” I said, opening the box. “Was it really necessary to use that many alarm clocks?” She asked, sitting down beside me. “Not you too.” I said, taking out one of the apples and tossing the other to Joel. “Well, it was rather loud.” “That's the point.” “I still think it might have been slightly unnecessary. We all could have woken up in our own time.” I shrugged and crunched down on my apple. “We'll live. I'd like to get to Canterlot pretty fast. If I'm lucky I might catch the conclusion to the war.” “War? What war?” “Oh right, you've been stuck in a vault all this time. Yeah, there's a war going on between Nightmare, who has taken over Celestia, and Honored Service. Something something elements of sanctuary, Canterlot is burning, shadow humans, et cetera.” I said, waving my hand like it didn't matter. “Shouldn't you be a little more concerned about this?” “Should I?” “Well, if Nightmare wins then he'll take over the world.” “Whoop de doo. And what will he do then? He's proven that he will continue to cycle the sun and moon, and he's proven he has a conscience, so the worst that I think can happen is he'll just rule over the ponies, get sick of it and fuck off to do something else with his everlasting life. And besides, Honored can basically plow through anything and everything in his way. The chance of him losing at this point is close to zero.” “Don't you think we should help though?” “Help how?” I swept my arm across the the landscape. “We're ages away from the battlefront.” “I guess.” She sighed, eyes downcast. “I just don't want nightmare to ruin the ponies' lives like he ruined the changelings'.” I stood up and offered a hand to Vi. “Well then, lets get moving.” She smiled and took it. Eight hours later. “So by that token, gems should taste better, right?” Joel said. I shrugged. “Well yeah, but like, gems aren't really that rare here, so precious metals would taste better, simply because they're a delicacy.” “Well, you can say that about truffles, but I reckon they taste like shit.” “I guess, but still, you'd think metals would still taste better.” “Yeah, but gems are truly, truly outrageous.” “Say that again and I'll shove a crystal hammer up your ass. Although you'd probably like that.” “Oh Wards.” “Exactly why are you two discussing my feeding habits?” Shyvanna asked, falling into step beside us. “Cause we're bored.” “I- really?” “Well, we don't really have much to talk about. Would you like us to stop?” “Umm, no. It's fine. I just think it's a bit weird, that's all.” “Well, since you're here, which do you like more, gems or precious metals?” “Well, I personally like rubies, they're kinda sweet.” “Ha! Suck it Wards.” I growled. “God dammit.” “Although most dragons prefer precious metals.” “Right back at you Joel.” “Ah fuck.” “But they only like them cause they're rare. They don't actually taste that good.” If there was a table nearby I would have flipped it. “Make up your fucking mind!” “Huh?” I put my head in my hands. “Nevermind.” We walked for another few minutes in silence. “I have to ask, what's it like eating other animals?” Shyv asked. “Well, meat tastes great.” I replied. “Especially with a bit of spice. And salt. You can never have enough salt.” “Really?” I laughed. “No. Eat to much salt and you die. But yeah, meat. Tastes good with some bread. Maybe some tomato sauce. Depends on what you're having. Potatoes also go well with almost anything. Man, potatoes.” “I could use some mash potato.” Joel said. “Here's a miniscule pack of Insta-Mash.” I said, tossing him the pea sized pack. He caught it between his thumb and forefinger and tossed it back. “Nah, I mean the stuff made of actual potatoes. Preferably ones that aren't older than me.” I pocketed the pack. “Well, that's all we got. But yeah, meat isn't really a taste you can describe unless you've had it. The best I can describe it as is a sort of greasy, salty taste. Well, cooked at least. Fuck eating raw meat.” “You don't like eating raw meat?” I shrugged. “Some humans do, god knows why, but personally I hate any form of meat that isn't almost burned to a crisp. Gives it flavor.” Joel shook his head. “Gives it flavor. You know, there is such thing as a nice, medium steak.” I recoiled in mock horror. “Medium? It's either a coal or a lump of muscle! There is no middle ground!” “Yeah, this is why I do the cooking.” “You don't use enough spice.” “Last time we cooked burritos you put five packets of seasoning in! The recipe only needs one.” “Please, I have no need for recipes.” Joel looked at me sceptically. “Last time you baked a cake you put an entire kilo of sugar in.” “Come on, it tasted good though.” “It was supposed to be a single cupcake!” I put my hands behind my head and looked to the sky. “I rest my case.” Vi swooped down to hover just above me. “What's this about cupcakes?” “Wards is just a bad cook. That's all.” Joel said. “I'm an excellent cook, what are you talking about?” “I'm talking about the time you made a pizza using six bags of lollies and whipped cream instead of sauce.” “It still tasted good.” “Haven't you ever heard of balanced nutrition?” “I have, I just don't care.” “I swear, I am the reason you aren't a blob of fat.” “Actually, that's probably because of the whole genetically modified, super metabolism thing.” Joel shrugged. “Probably.” “What?” Vi and Shyv asked in unison. I waved my hand in the air. “Yeah, I was an experiment for a terrorist organization. Don't ask about it.” “What happened?” Shyv asked. I sighed. “I got kidnapped, killed nine people and had about sixty different needles.” “Huh?” “I'm not explaining it any further than that. It was not a fun time.” “Why?” “I was fifteen.” A pause. Then,“Oh.” I grimaced. “Yeah.” Awkward silence. “Nice weather we're having.” Joel muttered. “Actually it's kinda shitty.” I replied. “It's cloudy but not raining, too hot to be running around in a long coat but too cold to take it off and we aren't anywhere near civilization.” “Your first two points are correct, but we are in fact near an underground village of diamond dogs.” Vi said. “Also, that has nothing to do with the weather.” “Ugh, I hate diamond dogs.” I muttered. “And dogs in general really. If it's not intelligent enough to do basic maths, I don't want to talk to it.” Vi raised an eyebrow. “That's mean.” I shrugged. “It's who I am, and I don't really want to change it.” “I guess...” “Anyway, back to food. I'm curious, how does one survive off emotions?” I looked over to Shyv. “Or various minerals for that matter?” Shyv shrugged. “I have no idea. Vi would probably know more than me.” Vi shook her head. “Magic I guess. Tell you the truth I'm not really sure either, studies have probably been done into the subject but we don't have access to them. We can probably read up on it when we get to Canterlot. As for feeding off emotions, it's a form of conversion energy, we actually do need material food to survive, but it's in extremely small amounts. All our energy comes from the conversion of magical energy into chemical energy. Since all emotions are imbued with varying levels and types of magical energy, we can collect them from the air around us and store them within our bodies. Then, just like digesting material food, we convert the magical energy into chemical energy to use.” I smiled. “Nerd yourself. So how come there's this whole love energy problem? And why do you need to be able to change and disguise yourself if you can just take the energies from the air?” “Well, it's true we can gather energy from the air, but we need to feed an entire hive, not just a single changeling. We can't all go in and feed ourselves, a long time ago a queen tried that and the entire hive was almost exterminated. Too many changelings blows our cover. And the radiating emotional energy isn't that powerful. If the radiating emotional energy was an apple, then the direct energy is like the entire orchard.” “Ah, that probably explains why Chrysalis wanted to go after the princess of love, she'd have enough food for a lifetime, more even. So why love? I bet there's plenty of hate and friendship and a bunch of other stuff flying around.” “Yes, but love is far easier to store, and it tastes good. Hate is often dangerous to get, spoils quickly, but gives a lot of energy very quickly. Unfortunately, consuming and converting anger or hatred heightens aggression, and is counterproductive to maintaining a healthy hive. Friendship is fairly easy to obtain, but it tastes a bit bland and doesn't give much energy.” I held up a finger. “Wait, if friendship doesn't give much energy, how are you surviving?” “Direct feed. You are friends with Viridi the changeling, and so long as you are in fairly close proximity and I'm not disguised as somepony else, I can feed off that.” “So simply by talking to you I'm keeping you alive.” She smiled. “Yep.” I laughed. “That's amazing.” “Yeah, but it's rare. Nopony wants to be friends with a parasite.” “But your friend, the vice queen or whatever.” “Cae?” “Yeah, her. Can't you two keep each other alive by being friends?” “Technically yes. But it would be a form of cannibalism. We would drain each others energy until there's nothing left.” “From that statement I presume you can chose which emotions you feed off?” “Yeah.” Shyv tapped me on the shoulder. “Uh, just so you know, it's getting close to midnight.” I looked up at the sky. “Huh so it- wait...” “What?” “We just talked about food for an entire day.”