//------------------------------// // Wherein Pinkie Pie Makes Narration // Story: Straight Answers // by Rebonack //------------------------------// Woosh! Fade to white! Fluttershy was really super-duper confused because she didn't know what a flashback was or why Pinkie had hands all of a sudden but if she had thought about it she would have known that a draconequus and a funny animal are both supposed to have hands! Like, duh! Everypony knows that! Fluttershy isn't a dumb pony though, not even a little bit! She's a really great friend, she just doesn't always think things through all the way. Kind of like that one time Fluttershy asked Pinkie to help her bake a carrot cake for Angel Bunny but it was supposed to be a surprise but Fluttershy didn't really stop and think that surprising Angel Bunny is really super-duper hard, especially for somepony like Pinkie Pie! So then Pinkie had to have already had backed the cake which made everything really tricky especially that one part where she had to run away from the hounds of tindalos since they were trying to steal all the cream cheese frosting. They really must like cream cheese frosting. Wait... This was supposed to start with something spooky and foreboding, wasn't it? Whoops! Hehesnort! That ice cream truck already left, didn't it? Hmm... Fluttershy really isn't very spooky. The hounds are, kind of, right? That's something a pony would be scared of, but they don't really bother ponies so much unless they travel through time. Has Twilight ever met one before? She's a pony and she traveled through time. But that was a closed time loop that didn't create any paradoxes. Hehe! That's a really funny sounding word! Paradoxes parakeets pair-ah-socks! “P-pinkie? W-what's going on?” Fluttershy said. She was really spooked out because she was floating around in the infinite, eternal blankness. It's kind of silly to be spooked out at the infinite, eternal blankness 'cuz it isn't all that spooky. Just really boring. Booooooring! Nothing to do at all unless somepony makes something to do but everything somepony can make to do is just a thing that they thought of! How is anypony supposed to be surprised if they know how all the stories end? They don't, that's how. No surprises ever ever ever forever! And that's just terrible! But that's still better than taking Fluttershy to the infinite, eternal chaos. It's a lot less boring, but she might have gotten turned into a tree or something. She said that she wouldn't mind being a tree once, but it isn't nearly as much fun as she thought. “P-pinkie? H-hello? Anypony?” Fluttershy murmured. Oops! Can't forget about Fluttershy! That would be really bad! Pinkie Pie would have felt just terrible if she had forgotten about her friend. “Don't worry Fluttershy! I'm right here!” Pinkie Pie said from right here. Where else would she say something from? Somewhere else? That would be silly. Pinkie Pie might be a silly pony, but she wasn't that silly. “You were going to watch the flashback from Sweet Apple Acres, remember? It was really fun! I think you'll like it.” “Oh... umm... I guess that sounds nice,” Fluttershy admitted. She tried to scuff her hoof against the infinite, eternal blankness, but there wasn't anything to scuff against. Nothing but white white white everywhere like a page with no writing or a canvas with no paint! “Pinkie... I don't like this place... Can we go home?” “Aaww... But this is the best place for flashbacks, Flutters! How will everyone know what I did at Sweet Apple Acres if there's no flashback?” Pinkie argued. But it wasn't the mean sort of arguing. Is was the begging sort of arguing. The sort of arguing Pinkie used when she really really want to do something super fun or super great or super tasty or super duper stupendously wonderful but her friends weren't so sure about it since they just didn't get it sometimes. There were lots of things that Pinkie's friends didn't get, but she still loved them anyway. “Well... I guess that would be okay... maybe for just a little while,” Fluttershy relented. “Hooray! Alright. It all started when I went to Sweet Apple Acres to play with the Cutie Mark Crusaders...” “...Pinkie? Is something supposed to be happening?” Fluttershy asked uncertainly. “Huh... That should have worked. I'll try harder this time!” Pinkie said. She cleared her throat and tried the flashback prompt again. “It all started when I went to Sweet Apple Acres to play with the Cutie Mark Crusaders...” ~~~~~ It was a beautiful day at Sweet Apple Acres! All sunny and warm with juuuuust the right amount of nip in the air to remind everypony that autumn was there to stay. Or at least it was there to stay for about three months or so, then everypony would be getting ready for winter. Round and round the seasons went like a weasel chasing his tail! Or maybe a snipe. Do snipe chase their tails? Fluttershy would probably know. Hey Fluttershy, do snipe chase their tails? What...? I don't... what's going on? I... I can't see me. Did I d-d-die? Am I a ghost? Of course not, silly filly! We're just narrating. N-narrating? Like in a play? Sure! Like that. Just make sure you don't narrate in the first-pony voice. This isn't a detective story after all. Anywho! Snipes! Do they chase their tails? I don't think so? Great! I'll have to come up with a different analogy then. Now where was I... Oh yeah! A beautiful day at Sweet Apple Acres! Applejack and Big Mac had been harvesting the last of the late crop which was a super-duper important job since the late crop was the one they used to make all the tasty cider! Cider season would be coming really really soon and they didn't want to miss it since everypony just loved their cider so much since it was the bestest of best things and they got most of their money for the winter from it! And if they didn't make enough money they might lose the apple farm and that would be really sad even though it really doesn't make all that much sense because the land was a royal grant to the Apple Family and it wasn't like the a bank owned the mortgage or anything silly like that but the looming threat of losing the apple farm made for great dramatic tension! Pinkie? Yeah, Flutters? Is this the flashback you were talking about? Yupper duppers! It sure is! Do you like it? Umm... I guess? It's very strange... Everything looks really strange if you look at it close enough! You should try Twilight's microscope some time! It's fun! Anywho... Pinkie Pie had just returned from town with Sweetie Belle and they were going to test out the theory that the whole world was a cartoon! Pinkie had already decided that she wouldn't tell them whether or not that was the right answer since that would ruin their whole scientific method thingy. After all, nopony liked having their surprises ruined since ruining surprises is really super duper rude. While Pinkie Pie got all distracted looking at the Crusader’s catapult and painted it plaid and stuff the three cute little fillies huddled up and made their plans! “How come Pinkie is walkin' on her hind legs? It looks strange,” Applebloom said. She was right, too! Ponies walking around on their hind legs and wearing gloves look really odd but that's what funny animals are supposed to do so that's what Pinkie was doing! “I don't know,” Sweetie replied. “She's been doing that ever since we left. It makes her look a lot like the cartoons though, doesn't it?” That was the whole idea, after all! “Yeah, but we already know that Pinkie's a cartoon, right?” Scootaloo pointed out. “We need a way to prove everypony else is, too.” “What about that one time an anvil and a piano got dropped on Twilight?” Sweetie suggested. “She was just fine a few hours later. We can still try that with the anvil on us! It'll be easy with Pinkie's help.” “Yeah, but Twilight was a baby alicorn or somethin' back then,” Applebloom objected. “I reckon alicorns must be made of sterner stuff than normal folks are. What if we just get squashed?” O-oh dear! Twilight had an anvil fall on her? Was she alright? Huh? Oh yeah! Twilight was just fine. Umm... was... Was she fine because she was a baby alicorn? Or because we're cartoons like the Crusaders think? Or maybe something else...? Yep! Pinkie, that didn't answer my- On with the show! “Maybe we can try the anvil thing later, Sweetie,” Applebloom said while she paced around the barn. “We can start with somethin' that don't get us hurt. What about runnin'? Cartoons do silly stuff with their legs when they try runnin'.” “Hey, that's right!” Scootaloo said. “How are we supposed to do that, though? Just start running? Every time I've ever run it's just been normal.” “Oh! Oh! I know! Pick me!” Pinkie pleaded. She hopped up and down a bit and waved one of her front hooves above her head since that's what a pony is supposed to do to get picked for things. Especially important things like playing buck-ball or capture the flag or incredibly dangerous world-saving quests into the burning bowels of Tartaurus or seven legged races! The Crusaders looked at Pinkie in that way everypony looks at Pinkie when she knows something they don't but they don't know that they don't know. It's one of those 'oh, look at that silly pony being silly again!' sorts of looks. Pinkie was really used to it by now since she got it all the time. Sometimes she even got it when she was just being silly rather than trying to share esoteric lost knowledge not meant for the mortal pony mind to grasp! “Pinkie?” Sweetie called. “Woohoo! It's easy! Just like this!” Pinkie laughed. Then she jumped in the air and spun her legs like pinwheels on a really super duper extra windy day and went ZOOM! and left a cloud of dust behind! “Woah! She went so fast I didn't even see her! That was awesome!” Scootaloo said. “I never knew Pinkie could run so quick. Why don't she ever race with sis or Rainbow Dash?” Applebloom wondered. “Or race in the Running of the Leaves!” Sweetie squeaked. “Or bounce up and down a whole lot!” Pinkie added while she bounced up and down. A whole lot. The dust had settled and Pinkie hadn't actually gone anywhere. Or maybe she went so fast that she got back before anypony noticed? Who knows with that crazy pony Pinkie Pie! The three fillies all gave a yelp of surprise since they thought Pinkie had ran off! But they should have known better since that cloud of dust was a perfect opportunity for comedic misdirection. How could these fillies ever have expected to discover whether or not reality was a cartoon if they didn't even understand the basic rules that a cartoon operated by? And some ponies said Pinkie was silly! Pinkie? Umm... not to be rude but I really do have lots of things I need to do. It's been nice watching your story but I really think I should go. Aaww... Are you sure, Flutters? Yes Pinkie, I'm sure. Fiiiiine. I'll just go through the rest of the story really really fast! And so that's what Pinkie did. But really fast flashbacks are kind of confusing. Even more confusing than normal flashbacks because everything is all blended and mashed and happening all at once kind of a like what happens when you throw a whole dinner into a food processor and turn it into a dinner smoothy! Sometimes dinner smoothies worked out really great, but most of the time they made everypony feel kind of queasy afterward. ~~~~~ Fluttershy was feeling that second category. The floor of her cottage kept lurching sideways under her hooves every time she tried to stand up and it really wasn't making her stomach fair any better. Why oh why did Pinkie have to take her on that silly flashback? Fluttershy spared a glance at her clocked and was both relieved and surprised to discover that only a few paltry minutes had past. That was strange, Fluttershy thought it had been much longer. A delicate squeak drew Fluttershy's attention to a doormouse at her hooves. In spite of her wooziness and nausea she smiled. “Oh, of course, little friend. I'm just fine. Pinkie was a little enthusiastic, that's all. But what should I do now? I still have so many chores to do, but my pony friends-” Weasel hugs where her answer. “You really think so? Well, alright. If you insist. I'm sure everything will be just fine when Twilight talks with Pinkie,” she took a deep breath and steeled her resolve. “But it's still nice of me to be their as a friend in case I'm needed.” All the critters chattered their support and Fluttershy smiled. Her friends were so wonderful. She didn't know what she would do without them. As soon as she stepped outside Angel Bunny hopped onto her back and began pounding one of his big, adorable bunny feet to get her attention. Fluttershy flashed him a pleasant smile as she clopped over the little bridge that spanned the stream near her cottage. “Hello Angel. Where have you been?” The bunny immediately gestured frantically toward Ponyville. “Oh... Do I need to go somewhere quickly? Is this about Pinkie?” A nod was all Fluttershy needed in reply. “Alright. But where are we going?” Angel held up two paws full of ripe black berries, the last of the season. “You want... Some lunch?” Fluttershy guessed. Oh how ,she wished she could understand Angel like her other animal friends. Angel shook his head. He pointed at the berries again and then clobbered Fluttershy in the spine. Not hard enough to hurt by any means, but it certainly surprised her! “Ow! Angel! What has gotten into you?” Fluttershy asked indignantly. Without hesitation Angel pointed at the berries and thwacked Fluttershy again. “Angel! Why are you punching me?” At that the bunny began nodding whilst hopping up and down. “Punching?” Fluttershy repeated. The bunny nodded harder. “Berries and punching... Berry Punch?” By now Angel was ecstatic! “You want a smoothie from Berry Punch's shop?” Angel face-pawed, forgetting all about the berries he was carrying. His fuzzy little head ended up smeared in blackberry jam. Fluttershy just smiled sweetly at him. “Don't worry Angel Bunny. You'll have your smoothie in no time and then we'll go find Twilight.” ~~~~~ Fluttershy didn't find Twilight, at least not right away. No, she got distracted on the edge of Ponyville by somepony altogether different. Somepony much more colorful. Colorful and... despondent? Goodness! In all her years of friendship Fluttershy hadn't ever seen Rainbow Dash looking so glum! She looked just terrible! And seeing her friend like that broke Fluttershy's heart. “Rainbow? Are you... umm... Are you alright?” Fluttershy asked cautiously. Fluttershy's oldest and closest friend was laying sprawled out in the grass staring listlessly off into the skies above. Normally Rainbow would go flying when something was on her mind. She always said that it cleared her head. But now... At the sound of Flutters' voice she responded with... Nothing. Nothing at all. “Rainbow?” Fluttershy tried again. Her shadow briefly fell over her friend Fluttershy peered at the other pegasus, then up at the sky just in case there was something up there Rainbow Dash was watching. Again, nothing. “Rainbow Dash, please talk to me. I mean... if that isn't too much trouble...” she quickly amended. “I think I should have listened to Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash said. Her voice was devoid of all of its usual spunk and bluster. She sounded... broken. And tired. “She told me I wouldn't want to know. And I should have listened. If I could forget, I would.” “Dashie...” “I promised her, Fluttershy. I promised on my Loyalty that I would still be her friend no matter what she told me. And I meant it, too. I meant it.” Fluttershy thought she could see tears at the edges of Dash's eyes. “What am I going to do, Fluttershy?” “But... But she's still Pinkie,” Fluttershy reasoned. “She's still our friend. You just know a secret about her, now. That's all, right?” Rainbow Dash averted her gaze. “...right?” Will Dashie be able to confess her true feelings about Pinkie? Will Twilight learn the truth and lose her mind? “Wait. That sounds like Pinkie. Oh... oh hay... Pinkie! I didn't break the promise! I didn't! You're still my friend, you are! Really! Honest!” Did Dashie keep her promise or is she a no good, dirty Pinkie-Promise breaker? Is Pinkie actually a self-aware story element? Is she nothing more than a persistent source of silly meta-humor? Or does her nature hide a deeper, darker secret? “What's meta-humor?” “Sshh, I don't know. Be quiet, I want to hear what she says.” Will the true, sinister malevolence from beyond the stars be discovered? Will Fluttershy ever realize Angel's part to play in the ever spiraling mystery? Or will she remain oblivious to the end? Do either of those things have anything to do with anything, or are they just clever misdirection? “...Angel Bunny...? Is there something you want to tell me?” Find out this and more in the exciting conclusion of Straight Answers!