Dude, What the FFFF!!

by Vallis


New Friends


POV: Joel


Present moment...






Soooo. Here I am, staring face to face on my knees in front of a dark blue-ish colored pony that has an awfully familiar name which I can't quite put my finger on. Meanwhile the bike thief is dead, both the bike and car are trashed, and Chris is nowhere to be found. Also, I'm still feeling like shit from all the drinks last night, and want nothing else but to take a nice long nap. Yet here I am being delusional and possibly making a fool of myself talking to a mirage of a magical unicorn/pegasus from those fairytales, probably because I hit my head that hard from the crash. And, for some idiotic reason, I decide to talk to it anyway.



Once again, hangover of the century.



"So, what is your name, if you don't mind me asking newcomer?" The magical being smiled, trying to ease any tension that was there.

I pinched the skin between my eyebrows, still trying to process what in the hell was going on. It didn't help that I had a bit of a hangover either. I closed my eyes, thinking that if maybe I focused enough, just maybe, this is all just some insanely realistic dream. After a moment, I opened my eyes slowly. She's still there.

She's. Still. There.

Everything is the same. Birds chirping, gentle breeze going through the trees, and a magical being in front of me that's now staring at me with an expression of confusion and concern.

"Erm- I... I heard you repeat my name just a moment ago. I assumed you spoke my language, but I guess you do not?" The manifestation of a fairytale raised a hoof in question. I could only sigh as I sat down onto the cobblestone path, covering my face with both hands. What in the fuck am I supposed to do? I got up and dusted myself, beginning to look around once more for any signs of Chris. Shoe, tracks, notes from him, used condom, bottle of beer, anything. Fuck. Right now, that's all I want. Maybe once I see him, this huge mess of a nightmare could clear away from my mind, and we'd have one huge laugh about it.

"Please, newcomer, atleast tell me if you can speak the same language as I?" She pressed it even more. I was a bit too cranky for this right now.

"Yes. YES YES YES, I can, okay? I can. Look at me, speaking English, woohoohoo!" I gestured my hands around, oozing with anxiety and a touch of sarcasm. "I CAN SPEAK ENGLISH! Holy crap, amazing right?! You and I can speak the same language, and while we're at it, we can go save Rapunzel! Then kiss Snow White, meet a green ogre called Shrek with his amazing talking donkey, and save the three little pigs from the BIG, BAD, WOOOOLF!!"

I gave her the jazz hands to add to the effect. I sat back down onto the cobblestone path, looking down the path at nothing in particular. I took a deep breath in, and slipped it out slowly. I just need to relax. Take a few deep breaths. Try my best to process everything. Then maybe things will go easier for me, and everything will make sense in time.

"Are you okay now?" The pony asked as she laid on the ground next to me. I nodded in reply, although my attention still towards the distance ahead.

"Are you lost?"

I nodded again.

"...May I ask a few more questions?"

Same response. She cleared her throat.

"When did you arrive?"

I shrugged.

"What is the last thing that you can remember?"

"I was drinking with my best friend, someone stole his bike, I tried catching the thief with my friend, we all crashed. Now I'm here." I spoke for the first time in my silence. From the corner of my eye however, I could see her expression change slightly.

"You do not know what happened to your friend?" She questioned further. I only shrugged.

"Not sure, really. The dude who robbed my friend's bike is dead. That, I know. But my friend? I have no fucking clue." I sighed once more. I heard her mutter something out of earshot.

"I'm sorry?" I asked.


POV: Luna


"I-... sorry. It's just my visions, they did not show where he went. Only you and the deceased one, I'm afraid." I wanted to reach my hoof out and tell him that it was going to be ok, but the truth was far from that...

The creature's friend, I was aware of. Although my visions weren't able to track him once I began my search for these beings. He simply disappeared from the grid. Everything was as expected. This one along with his friend, would survive the disaster. The thief died, but the friend of this one is nowhere to be found. This one is undergoing a lot of stress, so I should try my best to keep him calm, and return him to his homeland. Unfortunately, anything before the disaster could not be recalled by my temporary clairvoyant abilities. I truly felt sad for this being. He felt... angered. Angered that he couldn't find his friend.

They have a powerful bond. Like brothers.

"I'm sure your friend is fine." It was all I could say at the moment. He then turned to look at me for the first time. He was confused.

"Wha- How do you even know? If you can't even know what happened to him in your so-called 'visions', then how do you even know if he's alive or not? FUCK, shit, it's my fucking fault!" He stood up abruptly, his body clearly tense. I began to feel a little uncomfortable, but all of this was expected. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we would be extremely stressed in a similar situation. Lost, hurt, perplexed beyond anything, and a friend nowhere to be found.

"...I know what you're experiencing is hard, but we won't get anywhere if you continue with the agitated attitude." It was only the truth. For a long minute, there was only silence. I watched him from behind as he crossed his arms, refusing to turn around. Almost like a childish colt, refusing to understand the situation. It went on like this for minutes, but I waited patiently.






"...Joel." He mumbled, his body slouching as he spoke.

"Pardon?" I asked, confused. He turned slowly, his expression showing that he finally calmed down.

"My name. Joel." He repeated.

"Oh- Hello, Joel. It's a pleasure." I gave a genuine grin. I was glad to see that things were beginning to move along. He then began to snicker. I cocked an eyebrow.

"What is so funny?"

"I still find it hard to believe that I'm talking to a unicorn... pegasus." He lightly pointed a finger at me. This intrigued me.

"What do you mean? Is it the first time that you've seen a being like me? Alicorn, by the way." I informed him.

"No no, where I'm from, things like you are from... books. For little girls and such. Fairytales, like elves, sprites, magical beings."

"Strange... where in Equestria have you lived where you haven't seen a single being other than your own? Why, even sprites live everywhere in the world, from north to south, no matter the climate?"

He cocked an eyebrow.

"What'd you just say?"

"Hm? Oh, that sprites live from north to south no matte-"

"No no, before that." He waved his hand. I backtracked for a moment.

"Oh, where in Equestria have you lived where you haven't seen a single being other than your own?" I asked unsure. He then placed a hand on his head, an expression of shock molding onto his face.

"Right. That's what I thought you said..." He gave a visible gulp.

"So... you're saying we're in... Equestria." He gave me a quick look that asked for confirmation. I nodded, although still unsure where he was going with it.

I thought for a moment.

"Are you from a different land other than Equestria?" I suggested. He combed his short curly hair back with his fingers, and began to pace around.

"Try different planet."


POV: Zecora


I have seen my fair share of odd things, believe me. Although... this? Back in my tribe, when I was a little filly, they spoke of these creatures in their legends. Told stories about them. Bipedal creatures. Absolutely weak, they were. No claws, no strength, no wings, no magic, nothing. However, they were capable of more than what a pegasus, earth pony, and unicorn could do altogether. They had no powers, no magic, only knowledge. Their knowledge being their great power, giving them the abilities to build, to create, and to survive. And that they did. More than what any Equestrian could imagine.

To see one with my own eyes. It was... thought provoking.

See, for us, it is considered as a blessing. Our legend states a prophecy of two of their kin arriving. The purpose? To protect, Equestria. It made me wonder why exactly this being was here in our world. Equestria has been safe for quite a while already.

However, what troubled me the most was that I found this being alone. The second one must have gotten lost, so I felt that it was my duty to bring this one to my hut and help with his wounds. The least I could do is nurse him back to healthy conditions so he could find his friend. I would be more than happy to help him find his friend too, if he ever required it.

But, for now, I have to deal with the problem at hoof.

From what happened before at around midnight, it appears he has no idea what is going on. Almost as if he was ripped from his world, and abruptly shoved into ours. Once he awakens, I will have to try my best to calm him and get everything under order. For now, I will meditate until he awakens.


The being groaned, and began to fidget around on the floor mat that I had set up for him. He began to awaken faster than I anticipated. I quickly made a fair amount of distance between the creature and I, and lied down onto my knees. He sat up, and began to rub his eyes. It didn't take long for him to open his eyes and begin to look around. Even shorter time until he stared directly at me. I simply remained neutral, and waited for him to make the first move.


POV: Chris


Ok. Let me get this straight...

So, I was drinking with my bro at the bar. We went out afterwards, had some huge fucking wipeout, I woke up, threw up, then knocked out again, and now I'm here in this tribal as fuck looking hut while staring down a cartoonish zebra. Huh, this must be some wicked awesomely realistic lucid dream. I'll play along.

"Hi." I gave a small wave to the zebra. It only nodded.

I got up, but then immediately sat back down from the sharp pain on my lower back, along with my head, left arm, lower left leg, and pretty much some muscle pain throughout my entire body.

Funny, I thought dreams didn't... hurt?

I then took a good look at my left arm, and felt the bloodstained cast that was on it with my right hand. Now I'm confused. Real confused. I looked back at the zebra.

Hold on a sec. I saw this zebra last night. It's a she. I freaked the fuck out and had a panic attack. And now that I think of it, she reminds me alot of something. Fuck me though, I still can't remember that much shit at the moment. Has this all been one huge fuckin' lucid dream, and I'm in the hospital in a coma from the wipe out or some shit? It'd explain why my memories are foggy. Doesn't exactly explain how everything is so realistic though. And if this is a lucid dream and I can do whatever I want, I'm not exactly bashing through the roof and flying around like how I'm imagining right now.

Yeahhhhh... I'm currently undergoing mindfuck now. Let's just, take a deep breath. Assume that this is all a lucid dream. I hope. It makes the most sense so far. Now, let me just get my bearings together. I cleared my throat.



"From what I remember... last night? You can talk, right?" I asked her.

"Yes, I can." She replied with a nod.

"Right. So, do you have a name?"

"Zecora."

OH Ho-Ho-H-HOLD up. Freeze.

A bell just rung aaaaalllll the way in the back of my mind. Although, not one of those really strong rings that make themselves known the very first moment. It's like one of those moments where you forget your phone at home, go out to work/school, then think the entire way 'I forgot something'. Then usually at the end you remember, and go 'DUHH'. That kind of ring is what I'm talking about. I hate those.

Anyway, the point is her name rung a bell in the back of my mind. I thought for a moment, but nothing really came to mind. So I continued with the conversation. I gave a quick glance at the cast.

"Did... you save me from the wreck?" I asked.

"I am not sure what you mean when you say 'the wreck', I'm afraid. However, I took you here once you hit your head on the tree, after you began to fade." Funny, she rhym- wait. I have a feeling I said that before.

"So, this is your place? And you fixed me up?" I questioned.

"I gave you the best medical treatment that I could. And yes, this is my humble abode, stay as long as you should."

"...Do you do that all the time?" The rhyming was actually getting a bit annoying for me. She then began to chuckle.

"Saving a creature that I do not know? More than once a week, a few times or so."

"No... the rhyming." I kind of gave a literal point of the finger at her.

"Ah, it is just tradition from my tribe."

"Well, I'm sorry but could you stop?" I tried asking as nicely as I could.

"Oh, I'm sorry if it gives you a bad vibe?"

"You did it again."


I stood by her as she read a huge book about alchemy of some sort, reading the content within. I didn't get a single thing, but was fascinated with how she took quick glimpses into the book, and fetched the ingredients and what not within seconds.

"How long have you been doing this?" I asked as I flipped a few pages, though being careful to place a bookmarker on the page she was reading from.

"For quite a while already. They begin teaching you in my tribe once you learn how to write." She said, her words muffled as she held a thin rope in her mouth that held a pack of vials tied together.

Ugh, for a dream, she seemed to be... well done. For a character I mean. It made me feel uneasy, but I quickly placed the thought aside. Let's just keep going with the flow. The more I question it, the less progress I make in relaxing.

"Cool." I muttered, looking through the pages more. I then looked at her as she placed the vials allover the table. "So, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly are you doing right now?"

"Preparing a potion for you to drink. It'll help you regenerate at three times your body's usual rate." She stated casually. I raised an eyebrow, impressed with the sound of it.

"That'd be helpful." I pointed out the obvious. After thinking for a moment to myself, I slightly furrowed my eyebrows. I hadn't exactly been a decent guest, snooping around and being so nonchalant. I should be helping her in any possible way I could. Hell, I haven't even thanked her for anything.

Now, I know, if it was a dream it shouldn't matter to me. But it does okay? Dream or not, I don't like being a douchebag.

"Hey, um, I really feel like a bum for not saying this. But, thanks. For everything. Really. You didn't have to do all this." I scratched my arm mindlessly. Just a random gesture I did whenever I felt shy.

"It is my pleasure. It is not everyday that I get to make a friend." She chuckled. She began to move a stack of tomes off of the table to make room for what she was preparing.

"Hey, I thought you said you bring in creatures all the time?" I helped her with the stack of tomes, placing them off to the side.

"I didn't say what kind of creatures." She gave a smile. "Just a few lost animals that I find in this forest. The everfree isn't meant for just any kind of creature. Many can be harmed within here."

"Ah." I organized the vials on the table. She brought the ingredients together in a basket, and placed it nearby the vials.

"May I know your name?" She stopped in her tracks.

"Hm? Oh. Christopher- But call me Chris, please. I'm not a huge fan of my name." I slightly cringed at the sound of my own name.

"Oh? Why is that?" She had to ask. She continued her activity, laying out the ingredients in her own order.

"Only my parents called me that. I didn't exactly have problems with them, but we never really mixed. Water and oil." I kept it short and simple.

"Mm. I understand." She began to divide the ingredients into three separate small bowls, and poured water into them all. "So, Chris. How are you managing?"

"Ehhh, good I guess? Body still sore though. Agh, now that I mention it, I don't exactly feel well standing." I pointed at a stool that was nearby, giving her a look that asked if I could use it. She gave a quick nod. I pulled the stool over for me to sit on. "-Ahh, that's better." I sighed with bliss as the muscles allover my back and legs significantly relaxed.

"Although, what I meant was the situation." She poured the contents within the bowls in individual vials, and gave them different colored labels.

"Uh, you mean like... all..." I pointed my finger around, doing a spiral motion with my hand. "This?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue wondering about it, let alone talk about it either. Zecora nodded.

"Last night you fled from me as if I were a predator. Now, you simply speak with me as if I were no different from you." The zebra placed the vials up on an empty shelf that was just above the table. "So pardon me, if I'm a little too curious."

We stared at each other in the momentary silence. It took me a bit to realize she was waiting for an answer. I then tried to steer the conversation a different way.

"Did you finish the potion?"

"No, not quite. They need to ferment for the time being. It shouldn't take more than 20 minutes or so."

Silence again. Tough one, this zebra. But, I guess I should just be straight out with it. See if it helps or not. Highly doubt it, but I'll give it a shot.

"I didn't feel like talking about it, but... I'm not sure myself. See, last night I thought I woke up after some crash took place. Or... I thought I woke up. Because then I saw you, and freaked out. Talking zebras aren't normal, specially ones that look cartoonish. And wears gold rings." I digressed. "Anyway... then I woke up again, this time being here in your home. I then thought that this all must have been some crazy dream, but here we are, about half an hour give or take, still talking, every second passing by as I wait for the you to finish your regeneration potion." I placed my hands up in manner that showed I had nothing more to say.

"I'd like to say that I still think it's a dream, but honestly... I'm actually a bit afraid to say..."

"That this is all real?" She finished.

I gave a subtle nod.

It made me begin to sweat a little. I could feel the inside of my cast getting slightly humid, along with my back. To hear her say those words outloud made me feel lightheaded for a moment. I wasn't exactly feeling... comfortable, anymore. To consider that what I was experiencing, was all real. Then again, with what I was experiencing, most wouldn't feel comfortable either. Memory is extremely foggy, body is in a lot of pain, left arm fucked up, cuts, scrapes, dry blood, rugged clothing... talking zebras, potions, waking up in the zebra's home. Is there anything else I should know?

I mean, it'd be real swell if I could know what exactly is going on, where I was, how this all came to be. But for now, it feels like I just tuned into the middle of a movie. I have no idea what's happened. I have no idea what to expect.

So please. Pardon me if I'm being a bit paranoid. Ok?

"Uh- perhaps, you'd like to take a walk with me, while the potion ferments?" She snapped me out of it, noticing that I was beginning to lose myself a bit.

"...Y-yeah. Sounds good."