Sunday 3:45 am. I still haven't been able to sleep, I was thinking about my day yesterday, my conversation with Lucky, my argument with Big MacIntosh, going through two of my memories with Princess Luna. The thing I'm thinking about the most is my talk with Lucky, how he said I'll be a good father. But he's the only one who I told that I was scared of being a dad. Lucky made me feel better by saying that I'll be a good dad, but I need to tell Applejack about it as well, I need to be honest with her about how scared I was in the months leading up to Toffee's birth.
It's not like she'll be completely shocked that I was scared, after all, she did see me faint after she announced that she was pregnant.
I guess I never thought I'd ever become a father, or get married for that matter. I thought I would've been killed in Manehattan by a gang member before I actually managed to make out of there with Lucky. But now, here I am, married and I have a child, I don't have much to accomplish anymore, except to keep on caring for my family and friends.
It's been two hours and forty-five minutes since Applejack came home from her night out with her friends, right now, she's asleep, along with everypony else in the house, except from me. I can't sleep, I'm trying to, but I can't. Something is forcing me to keep myself awake, it's either one of two of these things, it could be the fact that Luna is still lurking in the dream realm or it could be that I can sense that Toffee is going to start crying at any minute, because that's what usually happens when I can't get to sleep, she'll start wailing and I just have to give it time before she does,
About five minutes later, she let out a cry, which woke up Applejack,
"Oh, God Damn" Applejack exclaimed as she sat up and rubbed her eyes, "She's up again"
"I know, hon, I think she needs changing" I replied as I got out of bed, "I'll go get a diaper or something"
"No, you go and comfort her, ah'll get the diaper, babe" She told me.
"You sure, sweetie?" I asked.
Applejack nodded, "Yeah, ah'll see to the diaper, ya see to her"
"OK, Applejack" I replied.
I went over to my daughter's crib and picked her up in my arms and Applejack left the room to go downstairs,
"Ssh, Toffee, it's alright, Mommy's going to get you a diaper, and I might change you, OK, baby" I tried to calm down my daughter.
She still cried, but not as loud as before,
"Ssh, Daddy's here, Toffee, Daddy's here" I said as I hugged her.
I repeatedly patted my daughter's back gently, I usually do this for burping her, but whenever she has difficulty calming down, I use the same patting technique to help her calm down.
After about a minute, she stopped crying, but was still awake, I raised her slightly so I could smell how bad the diaper she's wearing is, and safe to say, it didn't smell nice.
Shortly after I took a whiff, Applejack came back with a fresh diaper for Toffee, the changing mat and a bottle of milk for her,
"Ah think feeding her will get her to sleep quicker" Applejack said.
"I think that's a good idea" I replied, "But who's changing the little one?"
"Ah'll do it, hon" She was optimistic.
"You sure?" I asked.
"Yeah, ah'll change her, you feed her, alright?" She made it clear.
"Of course" I replied.
Applejack placed the changing mat on a free space on the floor and I passed Toffee over to hear mother where she put her on the changing mat and got ready to change her.
Applejack has changed Toffee and now she was in my arms, I was feeding her a bottle of milk whilst Applejack was standing beside me, her head against my shoulder. I'm about to tell my wife about how I felt during the time she was pregnant,
"She's beautiful, ain't she?" Applejack asked.
"She is, sweetie" I replied.
"Ah can't even express how happy ah am about it" She uttered.
I sighed happily and peacefully, "Neither can I"
OK, here I go, I've finished feeding my daughter, I placed the empty bottle on a nearby desk, I gave my daughter a small kiss on the cheek and gently settled her in her crib. Now, I've have to tell Applejack about how I was feeling during her pregnancy,
"Um....sweetie?" I asked.
"Yeah, hon?" She replied.
"I need to tell you something" I said.
"Sure, Caramel. What's bothering you?" She asked.
"Wait, can we sit the edge of the bed?" I asked back.
Applejack nodded and she made her way to the side of the bed and sat there, leaving a space for me,
"What do ya need ta tell me, 'Mel?" She asked.
"Applejack, this is difficult for me to say to you but.." I paused.
"But what, honey? It's OK"
"..During the time you pregnant, I was feeling weird about the entire fact that I was going to be a father and I guess what I'm trying to say is that..." I choked up, I didn't want to say this to the mother of my child, ".. the truth is...I was scared"
"Scared?" She questioned, "It's OK to say ya were scared, sugarcube"
"I know, but just yesterday when I was out with the dog, I met up with Lucky, I told him that I thought I was going to end up making too many mistakes and becoming like my parents" I told Applejack.
"Honey, that's silly, ah may not have met yer parents, but from what ah've been told, they seemed horrible to ya" My wife replied, "Listen, ah know ah can't be the shiniest apple in the orchard at times, but ah ain't an idiot when ah say that you're not a horrible pony"
"I know, I just needed to tell you about it. How I was scared of being a dad"
"And ah'm glad ya did" She said she came closer to me and place her hoof on mine, "Ah love you, Caramel. Yer the most loving, caring, generous stallion ah know and you always have yer heart in the right place, that's why ah'm proud to have you as ma husband"
"Thanks, honey" I felt better.
"Listen, you also said something about making mistakes. Honey, life is about mistakes, we have them so we can learn from them, you're not going to be the only one to make mistakes, ah'm gonna make mistakes as well. Don't think that you'll end up raising Toffee badly, because you've got me, yer friends, yer family, we'll help ya"
"You're right, hon" I said.
"To be honest, ah was scared as well, when ah took my pregnancy test, and found out the results were positive, ma heart skipped a beat, and ah was too scared to tell ya, so that's ah decided to surprise everypony. But that made you faint in shock, ah'm sorry for that" She admitted.
"That's OK, Applejack" I replied.
"But listen, it's good that ya finally told me, and now ah can tell ya honey, that ya have nothing to worry about, because we can do this" She encouraged me.
"You're right" I replied.
"Ah know" She said.
She leaned over and gave me a small kiss on the cheek, and gave me a hug after that,
"We're good parents, Caramel" Applejack uttered, "Don't think otherwise"