Frank Drebin woke up slowly; rubbing his eyes and putting aside his bedtime bear, he sat up only to bump his head into the chambers lid. Frank's eyes shot open, looking around at his prison, the dark dank chamber no bigger than a coffin and the occasional jolting shake told him that the chamber was moving. Frank felt his head bump against the walls when the truck transporting him hit a pothole, cursing the shotty construction work.
"Blast! I knew that darn lobster was too good. When I get my hands on-"
Another pothole bumped his head into the wall again. The detective rubbed his head just before the truck ran over another pothole...and another...running over a construction barrel, a neon vested worker, lastly turning a corner and clipping an occupied port-a-jon; Frank groaned in delirious pain.
"Stop. This. Truck!"
The truck came to an abrupt stop, Frank slid up in the chamber and knocked his head. Groaning again eyes a little cross eyed from the concussions. Frank snapped back into high alert when he heard the truck door open; creaking and cold air seeping into the chamber. A heavy yank pulled the chamber out of the truck and he was carried by a team for some distance until he heard sounds of a crowd...
"You better open this door or i'll-!"
The curtain flew off the glass chamber, the stage lights blinded Frank for a moment but when his vision returned he saw the slime that got him into this mess...
"Richard Alexander..."
The man in the magician suit glared at the detective...
"What? You still don't like having two first names? How about you let me out so I can formally apologize then scum bag..."
The magician took a deep breath and faced the crowd, sparklers going off and women barely dressed walked the stage. Frank began to pinpoint faces out of the crowd and matched them to wanted profiles of Police Squads most wanted so that meant....this was a public execution...
"Now ladies and gentleman! As I make the Police Squads greatest detective and all our problems...Disappear!"
The crowd laughed, Frank noticed the floor was loose and he guessed a painful drop awaited him when the cover was put back on, the fake magician milked the crowd; playing his games and poking Frank to humiliate him. Soon enough Frank saw the red velvet cover come back and he resorted to desperation, banging and hollering out as many insults as he could and just as the cover put him back into darkness he saw the wall in the back cave in with red and blue lights beaming though the dust. It was too late...the floor dropped away and Franks vision went white...
_ _
Spike ran around the library frantically, gathering as many books as his tiny dragon body could hold and bringing them to Twilight's side. Sirens blared outside the library, not that that was unusual anymore; everyday it was a new crime, a new victim and a new problem for the stressed mare. Finally though she had a plan, if nopony in Ponyville can figure out what started this spike in crime then maybe she could fined somepony who could...
"Spike, draw the circles in the main room down stairs, make sure you use salt on the inner most circle and i'll get the candles."
The dragon rushed down the stairs and began rearranging things to make room for the markings depicted in the book. Summoning for Experts: Runes and Procedures when Needing a Very Specific Someone. The 'Someone' made Twilight question the age of the book but the need was too great and her mind was focused on the task at hand, five candles wrapped in purple floated behind her as she rushed down the stairs; knowing at any moment a new victim could be held at gunpoint...
"Ready Spike?" She asked
Candles floated out to the outer circle, jagged shapes and confusing symbols drawn on the floor with a small ring of salt in the center, Spike had been charged with studying everything about summoning runes and it seems that for once he listened..
"Ready when you are!"
Twilight nodded, taking a calming breath and sitting down. The sounds outside fading slowly as she focused purely on gather her magic, the candles flicked to life and the rings began to smear as if bleeding on the ground...
"I hope you know what you're doing..." Spike said from the safety of a book fort
The lines on the ground began to twist and change to waves of blue and red, Twilight's eyes began to glow brightly and each line of chalk collapses in to the center; salt bursting into a beam of hot fire and after a spit second the fire falls to the ground and vanishes like it never existed. Leaving a tall old human with his eyes closed standing in the room...
Both Twilight and Spike were speechless...
"...Am I dead?!" The man yelled, startling them out of their trance
"I don't think so...?" Twilight said hesitantly
"Then where am I? Alexander if you're playing a trick on me..."
Spike walked closer to the man, curiosity winning over his fear.
"You're not dead...and whos Alexander?" Spike asked.
The man opened one eye, the world around him was surreal, books piled in a corner and more stacked on shelves, each somehow more colorful than any book the detective ever saw..
"Who's talking? Show yourself!"
Frank felt something sharp poke his leg, looking down he saw something even he had trouble processing...
"That's incredible! Who taught this dog to talk and stand like a person?"
Spike instantly felt his high hopes fall, the old man ruffed his head like a pet, hand clumsily scratching and throwing Spike off balance, he yelled out crashing to the ground. Twilight still couldn't find the right words to say and each moment made it harder...
"Oh look! A miniature horse with a cone on its head, I had one as a kid...made the best jerky I ever had when the bastard broke its nose..."
Twilight's eyes widened, she ran to the book that lay open behind her, re-reading the spell again.
To summon the "Greatest" Detective in history follow steps six through eight while skipping step three. Be warned, this spell has never been tested but do not use unless in dire need.
Twilight tilted her head
"Why is greatest in quotes...?" She asked quietly.
"Um excuse me?! If the owner of the establishment could help me, i'm a Detective in the middle of a case and I need to get back to the station."
Oh sweet Celestia what have I done...
Twilight turned around and walked over to pick Spike back up, the poor dragons head still spinning.
"Sir, my name is Twilight Sparkle, I summoned you to request you aid me in solving a few crimes..."
Frank looked down, eyes widening and face stern with shock, bright blue eyes almost comically wide and it took some restraint on Twilight's part not to smile at the expression.
"You talk too?! Was I drugged...?"
"No...I brought you here with a spell that summoned the greatest detective in history..."
Frank scoffed, feigning modesty and putting his hands in his coat pockets.
"Well I did save the Queen of England but I was only doing my job. Just like everyone else."
There it was again, everyone instead of everypony, Twilight figured he wasn't even of this universe to be so drastically different in actions to the way he spoke. Spike finally managed to get up and run back behind Twilight, shaking and peaking around her leg.
"Who are you...?" She asked.
"The names detective Frank Drebin, Police Squad...and don't you forget it."