I just wanted to go to Equestria!

by Ditz

Prologue - The Boring Set Up

Let’s just say, I despised the idea of humanized ponies as much as I despised the idea of Alicorn Twilight -which was a lot by the way- Normally, I wouldn’t have hated it if it wasn’t for my stupid friends wh-

Alright, I’m getting ahead of myself, I guess I should start from the beginning, right?

Ever heard of those basement dwelling bronies? Well, they exist, I was one of them, only temporarily, but still. Being forced to live in my parents’ basement while they went on vacation for who-knows-how-long wasn’t really my idea of fun, but they left everything paid, and all I had to do was take care of the house and some cleaning here and there while they were gone. Not a bad deal, I guess..

That meant more money for pony merchandise and maybe a drink or two.

On my third day there, I got on my laptop and logged onto facebook, as always, most of the statuses were unfunny jokes and picture sharing, I was about to log off when a certain image came across my field of vision; six humans that looked like the mane six, I would have just attributed it as just bad fan art, but it was placed on a rumor list that placed its existence in the realm of possibilities, and I hoped I was wrong.

But life sure loved to mess with me.

I heard the actual announcement early 2013, I mean, who would have thought that Hasbro would give the green light? Not me, that’s who. I disliked the idea from the get-go and avoided it like the plague, unfortunately, this plague was forcing itself onto me, and calling the cops wasn’t an option.

“Come on, it sounds like an interesting idea, Patrick!” said one of my annoying friends as we spoke one day at work.

“Ah… No. I like my ponies being… Well, cutesy-wubsy cuddle pies, okay? That‘s the way it was made,” I said with the most serious face I could possibly muster..

“Ugh, please don’t say it like that, ponies are manly!” I had to laugh at that, if there was anything unmanly happening then, it would have to be a pair of grown men talking about multicolored miniature equines.

I guess three men talking about it could have beaten it, thought.

“Well, regardless, I’m not interested, I love Twilight the way she is,” in retrospect, I could have worded that better.

“So, you still got a crush on pony Twilight, huh?” I groaned, here it was again, it wasn’t a crush as it was more of a slight attraction!

…

Alright, so if it wasn’t expected, I was a person on the weird side of the pony fandom, doing different things -like write about and draw ponies- especially for Twilight, of course. It didn’t help as I found myself falling for her and her Taralicious voice, mind you, it didn’t go quite as far as clopping.

Okay, maybe ONE time!

If that wasn’t weird enough, I found myself dreaming of going to Equestria quite often, one might argue that is bad, but my reasoning is correct because shut up.

All I want is to have an awkward new species situation, get to meet the rest of the mane six and learn of the magic of friendship while having slice of life adventures, maybe get to know friendship a bit better with Twilight if you know what I’m saying.

It’s that too much to ask?

Well, back on topic, my indifference didn’t last, I soon found myself wrapped up in my friends’ enthusiasm of the abomination that was Equestria Girls, not even the song parody could help me as e-mails, texts, facebook messages, videos for the trailer, it was all there to make me see it! This went on for months, my friends thought it was funny, but I sure didn’t, sure felt good to ignore even a simple plot synopsis, but my indifference had grown to full blown hate of the premise thanks to them.

And what luck of mine, one of my friends worked in a movie theater, and what did he have playing in there? Equestria Girls. Yeah, it had been long enough for the movie to be released and he called me to go watch it with him, of course, I replied with gusto.

“Fuck off.”

Patrick had spoken.

That night I wrote yet another chapter of my ongoing story, it was the part where I finally got to tell Twilight my feelings for her, figured I‘d given the story enough filler content… Yes, it was a self-insert human in Equestria story, sue me.

I finished the chapter after a few hours of work and shut off my computer, I laid in bed, and as always, thought about that one dream of mine. What dream? Well, the one dream many bronies hope to achieve but never would, and the one I mentioned earlier you forgetful mate: go to Equestria. Realistically speaking, what were the odds of that? It was -for the most part- common knowledge that the show was just that; a show, and the world, just a creation of the mind.

But, hey, a brony could dream… A brony could dream.

I turned off the lights and returned to bed, oblivious to the terrible calamity that was about to befall me.

I woke up the same way I always did; getting up from the right side of my bed, pulling my lowered shorts to an appropriate position, drop them once I made it into the bathroom anyway, and begin the process of showering after lazily removing all pieces of clothing.

This time, however, I was met with an obstacle, namely, my wall that stopped me on my tracks, and now, I wasn’t a genius or anything, but I was sure that walls didn’t just move on their own.

I turned my head around and noticed where I was… I was in my room. Well that was obvious, but it wasn’t just any room… It was my OLD room, the one that had been converted into a study by my dad once I moved out. I had to groan, the idea of a prank so damn elaborate was both amusing, and annoying, probably because I decided to not watch the movie with him. He needs to grow up.

“Well, nothing to do but go downstairs and meet the laughter of my so-called friends,” I opened the door of my room and found the rest of the house looking the same as always, well, at least I would only have to fix my own room.

“You finally awake, son?” I heard a familiar voice calling to me.

“Dad!?” I said loudly, before covering my mouth in an attempt to block my loudness but failing miserably. Dammit, now I was going to get it. “Y-yeah, it’s me…”

“What are you doing? Get down here, breakfast is ready!” I raised a brow in confusion, but hey, one does not simply ignore home-made breakfast -- worry and fear came later. I made my way to the kitchen where I nearly passed out at the sight in front of me.

Not surprisingly, mom was there as well, but that wasn’t the strangest thing of it all, not by a long shot. It was more on how they looked; dad’s skin was purple, while my mom’s was green, to say I was flabbergasted would be an understatement, this would have to be a joke, it just had to, right?

Unfortunately, the looks on their faces said otherwise, staring with worry over my own reaction.

“Are you okay?” dad asked me. 'Well, your skin is purple dad, what do you think? ' was a question I nearly asked.

“No, it’s nothing… I’m gonna have some late breakfast if that’s okay… I need to go… Shower first, yeah,” dad only grunted something about kids and their new ways, while mom gave me a hug and checked my forehead for a temperature, she was acting weird, she never did that stuff, she rarely did it when I was little.

Then she grabbed my arm and I finally noticed.

“Mom, I’m going to take a shower, be right back!” I didn’t wait for her reply as I rushed upstairs and headed to the second floor bathroom, I locked the door, and turned, glancing at the mirror there, it was taunting me, awaiting me to stand in front of it to give me a ‘surprise’.

It was 5 minutes till I decided to put myself in front of it and… Well, surprise, surprise, my skin was lime green, all while my hair had a rather horrid lemon green, I‘m surprised I didn‘t notice it earlier. “Ugh, I see what you meant by that comment in Boast Boasters, Rari… -ty.”

That’s when I made the connection.

“Oh, no fucking way…” I looked into the depths of my mind expecting the reasoning for this to spontaneously appear, maybe it was a prank, a BIG worldwide prank, and I’d fallen for it, ha, ha, ha! How eerily amusing.

But of course, it wasn't. Outside the obvious physical differences -seriously, how was it possible to exist with body parts placed so anatomically incorrectly?- I didn’t look that much different than before; my beard and the bags under my eyes were gone, my unkept hair was slightly overgrown, but outside of that looked normal… And green. And my skin? Well, it was flawless! It was almost as if I had traveled into the cartoon world itself. Eerie, if you think about it.

A knock from the door and the sound of my mom calling me interrupted my confused thoughts, it could have been comforting to hear her voice. Except that it wasn’t.

“Lemon Lime, are you okay, did something happen?”

‘Fuck me, fuck me to hell’ are the most accurate words I could think of the moment I heard the name. “Yeah mom, I’m fine, just a bit dizzy from waking up too fast, is all,” she gave me a few reprimands and left me to my own bearings.

At this point, I would have been at the very least, slightly suspicious about my current situation, but there was no need, I already knew what was going on, and while I didn’t know the -how- I knew the -is- which brought enough clarity in my mind as I showered some of my worries away.

Soon, I found myself back in my room where I plummeted on the bed, I turned on the tv and my suspicions had been confirmed; colored people on TV Multi-colored people on TV, everywhere from cartoons, to news.

So, if it wasn’t obvious enough, by this point, I had figured out 3 things:

First: My skin was green. GREEN. The worst part was that it was natural, if the forced scrubbing while showering didn’t show me enough.
Second: I had somehow become younger, probably between 16-18, I swear, I could feel the hormones jumping in excitement. Ha ha, double meaning.
Third: I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him

“Okay, that was bad, even by my standards,” I say to myself as I cross out the last line, I had spend part of my day checking out my room, and outside some minor name changes and some more current posters of bands, I had successfully realized that the world wasn’t that much different.

How… Strangely convenient.

The rest of the day was spend writing about what transpired, something that I'm still doing, funny how that took a good amount of my time.

“Lemon!” calls mom while knocking on the door, ugh, I’ll never get used to that.

“Yes, mom?”

“Go to bed! Tomorrow it’s your first day of school at Canterlot High! You don’t want to be late!” I sigh at the mention of the school and go back to my notebook, I push my pencil after the crossed out blasphemy and write what was really on my mind.

‘Third: I was in the world of Equestria Girls and I was about to go to school there.’

I close the notebook and get on my bed, not even bothering to change clothes as I think on what I can do tomorrow. “Well, I was brought here by some magic, maybe there is some sort of magic in that school, it IS called Canterlot High after all,” I facepalm at the thought, but I can’t help but hope.

Well, I guess I’ll worry when I actually have to deal with high school all over again, that ought to be sarcastically fun. I close my eyes and fall asleep with one final thought.