//------------------------------// // Stupid Bets and Royal Pains // Story: Dimension Jumper // by redtau //------------------------------// We had been here for a full month, and already things were looking brighter. Lyra came by almost every other day with research notes and a few books on circles and spell forms. I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten any work done if I hadn't put my foot down and limited our research time. Bon Bon often came with her, usually with packed lunches for the guards and other ponies. I just could not convince them that daisy and daffodil sandwiches were not appetizing to humans. I'd had her bring fresh trout once, but after how nauseous all the ponies were when I cooked and ate it, I stayed vegetarian around them. The crusaders came about twice a week, usually to try some new trick for a cutie mark, and usually to end up covered in tree sap. I had honestly lost count of the days until the pegasus delivery ponies showed up with three wagons full of lumber, paint, nails, screws, tools and other supplies. "Sign on the bottom line please." The the lead courier requested, pointing at the clipboard he had kicked my way. Despite me sitting pleasantly next to two civilians and the assurances from Steel Strike and Starlight the three couriers were wary to come within spitting distance of me. I sighed and signed, flinging it back at him before turning to Lyra. "Ok, so this symbol designates a cut, and this one designates wood. That means we don't need a different limiter because the cut will only go through wood." She nodded, looking at the half finished circle I had traced out on the page. "Right, but if you need to cut through the tile to reshape it, how are you going to do that?" I stopped tracing the circle and scratched my head. "I could.... set the limit to stone. But then I'll need a wooden table to 'cut' the tile on. Maybe I should ask for a sheet or use a tarp. What are tarps made of?" "Rubberized cloth I think," Bon Bon said, munching on a sandwich. "Are you happy with the nail and screw circles?" Lyra asked. "I've got them down well enough. I even made a stamp that puts the basic circle down," I pulled it out and showed it to her, flipping and catching it with a flourish. "Though I have to go over it with a marker afterwards to make sure all the symbols are right. " I smiled. "I even made the circles small enough so the screw head will break the circle, so I don't have to modify for screws of a different length." Snap. "AAARGH!" "Lance however..." I looked over at where he was glaring at another screw he had snapped off. Put a nail on a screw circle, and the thing just spins until you take it away. Put a screw on a nail circle, and the sudden force would bend or break them. For some reason Lance just couldn't tell the difference between the two. That's the seventeenth screw this morning, and at least the fiftieth this week. I sure hope you have a lot more screws in that shipment. I grinned. Lance was not my favorite guard, and had more than once sabotaged me. Last week he left me holding a beam in place for an hour, waiting for him to drive a nail in. The week before he "accidentally" used some of my notes as kindling. "I can't help but think there has to be another way to do this." I said, looking over my notes. "If there is, I don't know it." Lyra said, "No one has seriously used spell forms for more than teaching in centuries." "Was there anything special to request for the next shipment?" the lead courier asked, still putting my trio of guards between myself and him. His two comrades were pulling the last items off the carts and checking against the shipping list. "Romance and adventure novels," Starlight said, "I hear the new Daring Do is out." "More screws," Lance said, glaring at the small pile of busted ones next to him. "And I would really like some iron plates to reenforce the doors with." "Food, firewood, paper, pens and ink." Steel added as the pegasus wrote furiously. "Sarah's started a little research project, and she's written through everything but personal journals and reports." "I'd also like some gems for experimentation, and any texts you can get me on spell forms and magical energy storage." I added. The courier looked up at me worriedly. "What? I'm not allowed to make requests too?" "I'll have to run items like that past our finance and regulations department." the said. "You could just take it up with Celestia and Luna." "PRINCESS Celestia and PRINCESS Luna are very busy," another courier snapped, "And I don't think they have the time to listen to the demands of some banished freak of nature." "Hey!" Lyra called out, "She's in charge of the castle renovations." "Really? I heard she was the one responsible for all the contractors getting fired on the first day." The last courier looked around pointedly. "I see you have made REAL progress since then." "When I'm done marking these," I waved my hand at the lumber she had offloaded "We will be able to repair most of the roof over the main hall in a day." "How the hell did this get turned into a bet?" It took less than an hour with everyone helping to drag all the wood into the right place. I was busy doing the circles, using faint outlines from Nightmare to get all the symbols right, while Bon Bon and Lyra were tracing out cut lines. I was tempted to really show off and use gemstones for every circle, but I just didn't have enough. "If I recall," Starlight said, flipping a board over to mark nails and screws, "The courier over there said it was impossible to do in a day and I vouched for you and then he told me to put my bits where my mouth was and I thought 'hey, twenty bits for a show isn't a bad idea'." "Why is he trembling like that?" "Oh!" Bon Bon chimed in with a grin. "The bet got up to a hundred bits and he made a remark about Star paying with her body and you countered that if you won, he could pay with his." "I meant that as a joke. I'm not going to sleep with him. Besides, why would that make him so scared? It's like he thinks I'm going to eat-" Lyra coughed. "Lyyyyyyraaaaaa?" "I, um, may have mentioned the trout." I sighed and squinted, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I need them to add alcohol to next months order." The gathered ponies laughed, and I used the marker to finish the last circle. "Ooooh kayy." I said, standing up. "That's the last circle. Lyra, if you and Lance would be so kind?" The unicorns lit their horns and moved fields of energy over the boards, careful to only power the cutting lines. The power sizzled in the air, then faded as the boards shifted along their new breaks. I smiled at the speed and efficiency of it. "Alright, now if I can get Bon Bon and Steel Strike to lend me a hoof with the long boards-" I began directing motion, and in short order the main beams were up. The pegasus couriers were watching with a mix of amazement and concern as I demonstrated how the circles could be activated with charged gemstones, and how they could work on screws and nails. "Why not just have your unicorns lift it into place?" The courier asked. "I don't want to tire them out," I said, "And if their levitation accidentally touches one of the circles it might activate prematurely." Three hours later as the sun was setting, we had the main beam in place and most of the side beams installed. "I- I just don't believe it." a courier said. "You really got it up in one day." "Yup. Don't worry about the bet though, I don't eat ponies." I grinned at him. "Though if you could find me some smoked fish-" "Hey!" One of the couriers said, flitting around the new rafters. "You're missing a piece." I walked around to the side to see that there was indeed a piece missing, a board about two foot long that sat between the side rafters and the roof supports. "Huh, I could have sworn we got everything." "Here it is!" The other courier cried out, pointing with a wing. One of the tie ins to the main beam was about two feet too long, and a cut line could be seen around the edges of the board. "Damn." I said, huffing. "Must have flipped the board over to make the screw and nail circles. Lance, run downstairs and grab a saw please?" "Oh, don't worry." The betting courier said, taking flight. "I've been wanting to try that gem trick for a while!" "Wait!" I called up, watching in horror as he picked a gem up in his teeth and touched it to the line. There was a faint flash, and a clatter as a single piece of wood fell to the ground. "What?" The pegasus asked, dropping the gem. "Nothing to worry about. I-" The entire central beam groaned, and half of it shifted downward two inches. The cut had gone through not only the tie in, but both supports and the original beam. "OUT! EVERYPONY OUT! RIGHT NOW!" I was yelling, shoving Bon Bon down the stairs so fast she was almost tripping. A courier ran past me and I shoved him towards the opening, looking around to see if anyone else needed to get out. Lyra stood frozen, staring at the mass of timber hanging precariously above her head. "God damn it Lyra, MOVE!" I shouted, pulling on her. It was no use, she was frozen in fear. Shield circle?. "Do it." I said, pulling a dozen gems from my pocket and dropping them on the ground. Nightmare's circle bloomed into existence, purple flames tracing intricate patters across the floor. Lyra snapped out of the fear of being crushed to death only to look down in wide eyed terror at the thought of being burned alive. The gems flared and dulled as the circle finished, and an inky purple darkness wrapped itself over us as the roof finally gave out and caved in. The dust settled, and slowly, exhausted, Lyra and I crawled out from under the rubble and down the ruined stairs to our friends. The couriers were stammering apologies to Steel Strike and Starlight was looking on in horror. Lance and Bon Bon rushed forward and helped support Lyra while I sat down and leaned against the cool stone wall. "Well" I said, breathing hard. "Roof's done." Three days later we were still pulling debris out of the room. Lumber was salvaged and a shallower roof was being designed but it was all just guess work. I needed a real contractor to come and at least give me designs, but I doubted I could request one from the princesses. I was getting used to having my few rare visitors, Lyra, Bon-bon and the quartet of danger. I was not prepared for the visitor that arrived mid morning. He had a white coat, short red mane, and a bit more weight than I had seen on a unicorn before. I’m not saying he was fat, but there was definitely a bit of strain on the buttons of his overcoat. I was making bricks in the yard and saw him come in, though he didn’t seem to notice me at all. Just trotted right up to Lance and began making demands. “I want to know who is in charge of these renovations. There are changes I wish to make to my castle and they had better be carried out to the letter.” “What?” Lance replied with his usual amount of wit. “I asked you who was in charge guard. Where are your workers? Are they all on break? Those lazy ponies had best get to work if they know what’s good for them.” “There aren’t any worker ponies here, just three guards.” The noble scoffed. “Three guards? It will take far more than three guards to fix things. Where are they then?” “They are coming to see what all the racket is about.” Steel Strike said as he trotted up. Starlight trailed after, and I could see there was going to be trouble by the look in her eyes. Here was a noble, a duke or lord, who would wisk her away from all this petty work and love her like they did in her romance novels. He worked pretty hard to dissuade her right off the bat. “These are your underlings?” the noble asked in a disdainful voice. “A dirt pony and a feather duster?” “Hey!” Starlight said. “I’m the commanding officer here.” Steel Strike said with a tone of authority. I could tell he’d had experienced with ponies like this before: arrogant bigots with power. He kept his tone even, but I could see his muscles in his legs tense and release. “A ground pounder in is charge? What has the world come to? Very well, what are you doing to my castle?” “Your castle?” Steel asked “Yes. I am Bright Harold of the Regal Harolds, and it is our duty to preserve and tend to the grounds of the Castle of The Pony Sisters.” He sneered at the three guards. “I own this castle and anything that you have done to it since it’s last inspection will come out of your paychecks.” “When was the last inspection?” Lance asked. “Oh, about eleven hundred years ago.” The noble said with a wicked grin. “Do you really think something like that is gonna fly around here?” I asked, standing up from where I was partially hidden by supplies and walking over. “Watch your tone peasant! I won’t take any lip from a common MONSTER!” Harold had finally turned enough to see who he was talking to and began to instantly panic. “Guards, the castle is infested with monsters! Evict it, quickly!” “We can’t throw Sarah out!” Starlight said. “I don’t care what you’ve named it, you can’t keep something like that as a pet.” I don’t remember the nobles being this retarded when I was in court He was pissing off my guards. He was pissing off Nightmare. I decided it was time to wind him up a bit. “Sir, I’ll have you treat me with some respect in my castle.” “YOUR CASTLE?!” “Yes, my castle.” I grinned at him and waived a hand. “I was staying here for a few weeks now have ownership.” “Oh, a squatter. Is that all? I’ll just appeal to the courts and you’ll be out on your rear in a heartbeat.” “Wow, I didn’t realize you had so much authority and political pull.” I said. I let the apparent compliment hang for a moment, enjoying the smug smile that spread across his face. “That you could overturn a ruling from the Princesses so quickly is quite a feat.” “From… from the Princesses?” “Yeah, they banished me out here.” I raised my arm to show off the white band around my arm where D used to be. “Even placed a royal geas on me.” He huffed. “Well, that complicates matters, but not beyond my ability to rectify. I should be able to remove a magical restriction, even a royal one, with a bit of work. After that, out you go.” His horn lit up as he prepared a spell. “You can undo a royal seal?” Lance asked, somewhat suspiciously. “I can break it at least. You might feel a slight pinch followed by your arm being ripped off.” “I didn’t think anyone was willing to try and break Princess Celestia’s royal seal with a seal breaking spell.” I said “Especially not with the secondary seal on my back.” “This will take care of that mark too! Anything to get you out of MY castle!” “Great! I was getting really tired of having The Nightmare locked into my skin.” The light on his horn dimmed a bit. “Th- The Nightmare? THE Nightmare?” “Yeah,” Starlight chimed in, “It got sealed into her with the Elements of Harmony.” Harrold growled and drew his sword. “There is always transferece by conquest! I challenge you to a dual!” “I decline.” I said, turning away from the brute. “You don’t have anything I could want, such a dual would be very one sided.” “Don’t you dare ignore me! I am Bright Harold of-“ “That’s great but I have a castle to repair. Being such a powerful noble I’m sure you have other duties you need to attend to, so I won’t waste your time. I’m certain that somepony as intelligent as you can find your own way out too.” I walked back towards the kiln. “But just in case, Steel Strike, be a dear and show the Lord out.” "RAAA!" Lord Harrold charged, bowling over Lance and coming straight for me. I drew my sword as I turned to face him and deflected the first blow. I lifted the sword high for a downward swing and felt the tale tell pull as the unicorn grabbed at it with his magic. "HA! Pathetic cur! You are no match for-" Harold stopped when he realized that he was holding a sword in the air, but something sharp was poking him in the neck. Without moving his head, he lowered his eyes to see the dagger pressed firmly against his throat. "Drop it." I said, listening for the memorable thunk of my sword landing on the ground. "I think I shall be a most generous host Lord Harold, and allow you to leave with your person intact save for your pride. If you try a stunt like that again, I will feed you to a manticore. Feet first. Slowly. Understand? I would recommend against nodding." "Yes." He hissed. I let him go, watching as he retreated out of the castle and back to a waiting sky wagon. I could see the venom in his eyes. I had taken something from him, defied him and now embarrassed him. He was silently vowing to make me pay for the slight, the way bastards like him always seemed to. "He's going to be a problem." Steel Strike said. "Yes, and I think I'm going to need to learn a new trick." I turned to Lance as he rose. "So you and I are going to go ten rounds, right now, as punishment for letting that happen." Lance groaned and raised his spear.