“Welcome to the Underworld!” Hades said, spreading his arms wide once him and the group of mares reached the crest of the sandy hill leading to the River Styx. Each of the girls awed and gasped in surprise at the truly spectacular yet terrifying sight.
“Wow, it’s all so… so… dark,” Rarity noted, barely able to make out the deep crevices of the beneath the earth world.
“You know how much lighting I have to pay for this place?” Hades asked, already floating down the hill with hardly a glance behind himself. Each of the mares quickly reached his side to avoid being left behind. “Be thankful you can still see two feet in front of yourself.”
“Well, I think it’s really cool!” Pinkie shouted, bouncing around the Lord of Death in the same cheerful manner just like on the surface. Gazing down at the perpetual pit of never ending suffering and judgement of souls with curious eyes, Pinkie said, “Who knew the place of the dead was just so lively?”
“Yeah, it’s a real pasture full of sunshine down here,” Hades muttered under his breath, starting down the road to the deeper dwellings of the Underworld.
Applejack nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a horrible shriek somewhere off to the distance, ending with a guteral roar of something equally terrifying not too far off. "Dang, what's down here anyhow?" Applejack asked their godly guide, tucking her stetson more securely on her head.
"Oh, the usual," Hades replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "Monsters, the dead, ghosts, ghouls, abominations of darkness so terrifying that your mind couldn't possibly comprehend the unimaginable evil they expel, and... and..." Hades snapped his fingers several time. "Oh yeah, and an unusually high amount of roaches. Really need to call an exterminator sometime."
"That's just awful," Twilight said. She scooted over closer to Hades when she noticed several red eyes staring intently on her and her friends from the darkness off the side of the road.
Hades smiled his trademark wicked sharp-tooth grin. "And guess who has to run the joint?"
"Well, this place could certainly use more maintenance," Rarity noted, scrunching her nose at the creatures following the group. "I mean, seriously, do you do any housework at all? And when was the last time you redecorated?"
"A millennia or two," Hades replied, hopping over a skeleton warrior that had been impaled on the ground from a sword through his ribs. The rest of the mares carefully walked around the undead monster.
Noticing that the area around themselves was slowly growing darker with a dank stench drifting through the air, Dash held a hoof to her nose and said, "Man, what stinks? Hades, have you ever bothered to take the trash outta this place?"
"That's just the Fields of Punishment," Hades said, picking up speed as he drifted forward faster. The other struggled to catch up faster, the darkness soon giving way to a crimson red.
"Fields of Punishment?" Applejack asked. "What the hay is that?"
"The most bustling part of Tartarus!" Hades laughed, finally reaching the end of the road they had been traveling on at the top of the hill.
When the other joined him, most wished they had never lied eyes on it. The Fields of Punishment was a great expanse of red earth, caused by volcanic heat and magma pouring from the ground throughout the entire land area. It was so huge one could scarcely make out the end of it. But what was quickly apparent about the Fields was that it most certainly lived up to its Punishment title.
"Are there... people down there?" Twilight asked, making out several figures in the fields below. "And are they being tortured?"
"They better be, from how much I pay those demons." Hades sighed under his breath, holding a hand to his forehead. "Ever since the demons organized into unions there's been no end to my troubles. First better working conditions, then more vacation days, and now I'm paying these guys more! I'm trying to run an eternal afterlife of pure pain here, yet the torturers think they're working at a five-star spa from the amount I'm forced to shell out." Hades wiped his face and unusually elongated chin. "What has this world come to?"
"Evil?" Dash guessed, wincing at the sight of a few of those demons going to work right with an eager vigor. The screams that perpetrated the air was a sure sign that they did their job well.
"Nah, that was already a given," Hades said with a wave of his hand. "I was thinking more modernized. Can you believe they want gender seperate locker rooms now? Unbelievable!"
"C-can we leave now?" Twilight muttered, shrinking from the view. "I think we've seen enough."
"Indeed," Rarity agreed, turning her nose from the terror-inducing plane of torture. "This place is positively horrific. Hardly the place for a lady."
"I think I'm gonna be sick if I stick around," Applejack said, a green tint appearing on her cheeks.
Dash rolled her eyes with a smug grin on her face. "Come on, guys, stop being foals. If this is the worse Tartarus has to offer, then I can take a handle anything!"
"Well, looks like Dashie is on board for the full tour!" Hades said, hugging Rainbow Dash with one arm as he spread his hand through the air dramatically. "In the 'Tartaus Tours Package' we'll travel to the rivers of blood, maybe take a dip in the pool of suffering souls, go for a walk through the forest of the damned, and then stop for ice cream at the toxic dairy byproducts factory."
Wiggling out of his grip, Dash fell to the ground and backed away quickly from Hades' devious smirk. "I-I think good."I’m good.”
“Excellent! Then we shall depart to my chambers where I pay you off." Hades snapped his fingers, a demonic looking door in the shape of a skull appearing in a plume of smoke before him. "Don't expect a tip either."
"Hey, wait , where's Pinkie?" Twilight asked. "I haven't seen her since we started talking about leaving."
"Wasn't she right next to Applejack?" Dash asked, staring quizingly at the orange coated mare.
"Heck, I have no idea," Applejack replied with a shrug. "It's impossible to keep an eye on that mare."
"Then we simply must find her right away. Who knows what horrors this place has that can prey on her," Rarity said, holding a hoof to her chin.
Hades peered down further into the Fields of Punishment, his fiery eyebrows drooped down to an irritated frown. "I think I have a pretty good idea." Grumbling under his breath, he said, "Wait here," right before he disappeared in a snap of his fingers.
Appearing in the center of the torture capital of the Underworld, Hades found Pinkie chatting it up with some of its guests.
"And then I said 'Oatmeal? Are you crazy?' and then–"
"It wasn't funny the first time you said it," Hades said behind her, lifting her up by the tuft of her poofy mane. "What do you think you're doing here?"
"Well, keeping these guys company, of course," Pinkie replied cheerfully, sticking her tongue out at Hades in a playful manner. "I was doing a couple of jokes, asking how their eternity of pain is going, tell some things about myself. That type of stuff."
“Please, make this torment end!" one of the souls begged, his compatriots actually sticking their heads in the earth to deafen their ears. "I can handle dips in pools of lava, my toenails being ripped out and even my own tongue used as a necktie, but her. For the love of the gods, rid us of this pink menace and go back to sticking swords in our eyes!"
Glancing at the tortured soul with an arch of his brow, Hades turned his attention to a group of demons standing behind a rock, staring fearfully at Pinkie Pie.
Sighing deeply, he dropped Pinkie on the ground and said, "A colorful talking horse does a better job at torturing the souls of the wicked than my highly trained demons." Hades scowled at the demons and snarled, "Who are way too overpaid to get outclassed by a pony!"
"Can I get a job here then?" Pinkie asked eagerly, smile unusually wide and bright.
Hades crossed his arms and rubbed his chin as he weighed the possible benefits and drawbacks. On the one hand, she seemed to have a natural talent for torturing demons. On the other hand, the demon unions would probably protest him outsourcing jobs to not even national unborn citizens.
"I'll think about it," Hades replied, snapping his fingers again so that he returned with Pinke by his side back to her group of friends. "But first, I need to pay my tab," he said, opening the skull door.
As Hades stepped through the doorway, the mares quickly followed, feeling uneasy about the gathering crowd of red eyes around the road.
Past the door laid before them a grand castle the shape of a skull, the River Styx flowing through its teeth. The cries of an endless stream of wallowing souls resonated throughout the cavern, making the ghastly skull castle take on an almost living appearance.
“Welcome to Casa de Hades!” Hades said with a grand sweep of his arms, starting up the steps to his domain. “Wipe your feet or whatever appendages you have before you enter!”
“I think this might actually be worse than the Fields of Punishment,” Twilight said, gulping deeply as she stared up at the sheer intensity of the ghastly looking castle.
“It’s Tartarus, Sparkles,” Hades said over his shoulder with a laugh, quickly ascending the stairs. “There’s always something worse about it.”
The group of frightful mares–other than Pinkie Pie, who took no notice of their new creepy surroundings–made their way up the stairs to Hades’ throne room, trying not to notice how the air stank of mildew and the dead. Finally reaching the end of the stairway, they were greeted by Hades’ smug face seated high on his throne made of shadows and smoke.
“So, ladies, what can I do ya for?” he asked, retrieving a cigar out of the smoke swirling around him and lighting it up with a flame from his thumb.
“Um… you already know that,” Twilight said, tilting her head. “We need you to pay Pinkie for all the pastries you ate at the bakery.”
“Ah, yes, I vaguely recall that.” Hades pointed a finger and a ball of orange flames shot out, setting aflame the ground before the group of mares.
“Hey, watch it!” Dash shouted, jumping back from the heat of the flames.
The spot of fire disappeared in an instant, revealing a pile of shimmering gold coins in its place. Blowing the smoke from his forefinger and taking a puff from his cigar, Hades shrugged his shoulders and said, “What can I say? Everything under the earth is my domain, including the vast amounts of mulla.”
“Yippy!” Pinkie squealed, jumping into the coins like it was a pile of leaves, throwing gold coins around herself in glee.
“Well, I’m certainly glad this endeavor is finally over,” Rarity said, an uneasy frown on her face. “I’ll need to take a bath twice just to get the stench of this place off myself.”
“Hopefully you can clean up your attitude too!” Hades chuckled, blowing a skull of smoke at her. Coughing at the tobacco fumes, Rarity glared at Hades as the dark god just laughed.
Before Rarity could reply back to Hades with a sharp retort, a roar in the distance caused the entire cavern to shake. The shakes grew more violent as the roaring grew closer, followed by snarls and sound of claws raking on stone.
Out of the shadows of the side of the cavern appeared Cerberus, the three headed dog guardian of the Underworld. A much, much different version than the one the mares had seen before. For starters, this one was twice as big, three times as scary looking with razor-sharp teeth and rivers of drool dripping from its maw to boot, and extremely vicious. The screaming chew toy it was currently ripping apart could attest to this.
“Cerberus, daddy’s home!” Hades called out to the monster, making kissing noises and clapping his hands.
Cerberus spit out Pain and Panic, the duo of imps still tied together and suffering through awful agony. The demonic dog eagerly pranced to Hades’ side, licking his master’s face.
“Okay, okay, drool-for-brains, that’s enough kisses for daddy,” Hades said, pushing Cerberus’ mug away as he wiped away some saliva from his forehead.
“Th-that’s Cerberus?” Twilight asked with her eyes wide.
“Well, the Greek version of Cerberus,” Hades replied, waving his hand nonchalantly. "We Greeks have an old saying. Everything is bigger in Greece. And slightly more demented."
"Boss!" Pain called out, still wrapped around Panic like a pretzel. "Please, boss, we leaned out lesson! We don't wanna be a chew toy no more!"
"Ooh, who are these guys?" Pinke asked, picking up the wet remains of the two imps.
"Idiots," Hades answered, twirling his finger in the air until a cloud of smoke appeared before him. Pain and Panic fell out of the cloud, whole once more. "Pain, Panic, introduce yourselves to our guests."
Turning around to the mares, the ponies and imps stared at one another with an equal amount of confusion.
"Um... boss, are these guys... ponies?" Panic asked, the pointy nosed imp scratching his head in wonder.
"Along with unicorns and pegasi," Hades replied, taking another huff of his cigar. "And they talk to boot. Ain't that grand?"
"It's, uh... weird," Pain said, the tubby imp taking a step closer to the ponies. "Where did ya find them?"
"Around the corner of 'none of your business.'" Hades got up from his throne and leaned down so that he was looking over the two. "Now, how was my domain while I was away?"
"It was awful! So much tearing and chewing!" Panic answered, wincing at the pain of the memory. "Cerberus even buried us!"
Hades flicked Panic's oversized nose in annoyance. "That was the point! What else went on?"
"The Fates took a road trip," Pain said.
"Those old hags? What for?" Hades asked.
Pain shrugged. "Something about some 'new snacks' and plenty of opportunity outside to acquire them. I didn't get to hear much else, on account of Cerberus ripping my head off."
"Well, this can mean only one thing," Hades concluded, taking out his cigar and flicking it to the side. "They went to eat some of Ponyville's local population."
"WHAT?" all the mares yelled at once.
"Hey now, inside voices," Hades warned, sitting back in his throne while stretching out in content. "And do I really have to repeat myself? They're gonna cook and eat some of you ponies."
"Y-you just can't let then do that!" Twilight said, climbing up the steps to his devilish throne.
"Pfft, like I have any control of the Fates. They're destiny for Pete's sake," Hades chuckled, reclining his throne so that he stared at Twilight over his grimy feet. "You're on your own, Sparklebutt."
"No way, you creep!" Dash shouted, flying forward so that she hovered face to face with the god. "They came from your Underworld, so this is your problem as much as ours!"
Hades pointed a finger at her, a small flame forming on the tip. "Like I care what happens to you ponies. So what if a couple of you die? Everyone does eventually. And you better bet I'll be waiting here for you when that happens." The flame grew brighter, threatening to singe Rainbow's eyebrows. "So, get out of my face!"
"Hades, Hades, please help us!" Pinkie begged, getting in between the quickly reddening Lord of the Dead and enraged Rainbow Dash. "If everypony in Ponyville gets eaten, then there won't be anyone around to celebrate your 'Welcome to Ponyville' party!"
"Party you say?" Hades asked, his flames returning to their normal blue hue. It'd been centuries since he's had a party just for himself. Much less thrown by others. Plus, the appeal of the ponies’ pastries sure was a tempting offer. Humming under his breath, Hades shrugged and got up from his seat, "Eh, why not? But I'll help only if I get chocolate cake."
"For sure!" Pinkie agreed happily, bouncing back to the girls with Hades by her side. "We'll also have chocolate cupcakes, chocolate milkshakes, chocolate cookies, and even chocolate punch!"
"Yeah, sounds wonderful," Hades said, already tuning whatever Pinkie was saying into white noise. Glancing back over his shoulder at Pain and Panic, he called out, "Clean up this place while I'm gone! Got it?"
"Sure thing, boss!" Pain shouted, waving goodbye along with Panic at the group of mares and God of the Underworld.
"You think we should mention that monster that escaped Tartarus while Cerberus was busy using is as a chew toy?" Panic whispered to Pain, both still waving.
"Eh, the boss will find out soon enough anyways," Pain pointed out. "Instead of him hitting us over the head now for that, he'll just do it later."
"Ooh, good point," Panic agreed. "So... should we seriously clean or not?"
"Way I see it as..." Pain jumped in Hades' throne, relaxing back in the comfortable recliner. "He can't possibly be madder at us by us not mentioning the escaped monster, so us not cleaning up won't get us in much more trouble."
"Another good point!" Panic said, just as he heard a growl behind himself. Glancing over his shoulder, he was confronted with the terrifying visage of Cerberus, who was staring intently at the two while wagging his tail eagerly.
"Cerberus, down boy! We are not chew toys!"
"No! Not the face again! Anything but the face!"
"My eyes! My eyes!"
"AHHHHHHHH!"