//------------------------------// // Side Battle: Treble With A Capital Mr. T // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// A/N: Please make sure the setting in the upper right reads “Dark” and not “Light”. Thank you. … If you need a reminder of the rules set in place regarding side battles, click here. … Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, kanashiipanda, JoaftheLoaf, and several other people (sorry for forgetting your names). --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season 2 (?) ~It’s the eye of the tiger. It’s the thrill of the night. Rising up to the challenge of our rival.~ F lights a cigarette. When the fans believe that the show itself has provided lackluster information, they create their own back stories and personas for otherwise canon characters. Entering the arena today is a combination of aspects from the various interpretations of Octavia. She’ll be facing a combination of interpretations of the assertiveness trainer Iron Will. If you don’t like either of these character’s given statistics, just try and flame me. F conjures some fireballs over his hooves while grinning madly. I can flame harder. He’s F and I’m N and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. ---Death Battle--- Octavia -An excellent cellist that also sings fairly well -Raised with the class level of Canterlot -Roommate of Vinyl Scratch AKA DJ-P0n3 in Ponyville -High level of martial arts -Improvises use of the surrounding environment -Hidden bowstring-blades -Has difficulty tolerating high noise levels (specifically wubs) From the beginning of Season 1 to the end of Season 3, Octavia has only had two official appearances. Both of which were as a cellist during special events held in Canterlot. Yet for some reason, a common consensus among the fandom is that she lives in Ponyville. Adding to the strings they pull, she often ends up as the roommate of Vinyl Scratch or DJ-P0n3. In order to deal with this pony whose favorite music is dub step, Octavia has had to overcome her low tolerance of loud noises. This is especially true when Vinyl uses ‘wubs’ to run the dishwasher. Awesome! Where can I get a wub dishwasher? The fans have also given Octavia a fairly good singing voice that she can maintain while she’s simultaneously playing her cello. Though the most left-field aspect of her personality has to be in her assigned family history. It appears that Octavia is interpreted as a descendant of a long line of assassins. This has granted her a high level of hoof-to-hoof combat and a greater awareness of the environment around her. Her assassin ancestry also left her with two of the most outlandish weapons I’ve ever seen: the hidden bowstring-blades. With a precise flick of her fore hooves, she can reveal these stringed weapons with the same ease as the Brotherhood’s assassins with their hidden blades. Although Octavia’s aren’t any good for stabbing, the strings can cut skin pretty deeply with the right slicing motion. All right, fandom. I approve the bad**s Octavia that you’ve created. “Born strong, believe none. Dying over broken dreams. Born strong and raised with class. Oh, yeah!” ---Death Battle--- Iron Will -Minotaur -Wears a tie and microphone -High upper-arm strength and quick poses -Is a gentleman and a reasonable businessman -Has been interpreted as the one in charge of a correctional facility where Lightning Dust was turned around -Essence of Mr. T and Mr. Satan -Has goats for assistants Iron Will appeared in one episode of Season 2 as a trainer for assertiveness seminars. He is a minotaur. In Greek mythology, the minotaur was a creature with the body of a man and the head of a bull. It was said that it guarded the center of the Cretan Labyrinth. The minotaur’s weakness comes in the form of a man named Theseus. So, I guess Iron Will’s safe in this battle. I wouldn’t be too sure about that, F. What do you mean? Well, it’s true that minotaurs have huge muscles and plenty of strength in their upper bodies. It’s also true that Iron Will can pick up and drop a pony without even sweating. But this doesn’t take into account that he can be outsmarted. Yeah, that’s true. In a battle of word games with both Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, Iron Will lost against both of them. He’s also an honest and fair businessman in spite of his intimidating appearance. Also, he talks to goats. Who in their right mind talks to goats, let alone makes them his assistants? Anyway, after failing to collect payment from Fluttershy, the fans have speculated that Iron Will went on to work with the Wonderbolt Academy rehabilitation. There, he tries to get ponies off of their high horse and convince them to be more considerate toward the world around them. Well, there must be something to that line of work. I mean, look at how it changed the ego of Lightning Dust. “Hello there, little forest critters! I brought some apples for everyone to snack on. Oh, I just love all of you little critters!” “Hey, Rainbow, ain’t that-?” “Never seen her before in my life.” 0_0 O_o Well… that happened. “Don’t be shy. Look ‘em in the eye.” ---Death Battle--- All right, the combatants are set. Let’s settle this debate once and for all. This episode was brought to you in part by Neon Lights. Always remember: Shady could do it better. But right now, it’s time for a DEATH BATTLE! ---Death Battle--- A faint, but rapid booming can be heard as the camera pans across a newly reconstructed replica of Ponyville. This booming noise gets louder and louder. Finally, the camera zooms in on a window that contains a light that would give epilepsy patients a seizure. Seriously, I have to look away from that intensely rainbow-colored light show just to reduce my headache. The window crashes outwards as a white mare with a sparked-up mane tosses something down. The object’s strings snap out of place while chips of wood crack off the frame. “Vinyl!” calls an off screen voice, “Why would you do that?!” Vinyl matches the time of putting on her sunglasses with her pause. “Because I was… dropping the bass.” “First, that’s not funny and second, that’s a cello!” yells the other voice, “Urgh!” The door to the house opens as a grumbling, gray mare trots out. She lets out a whimpering moan as she looks at the sad sight. This isn’t a simple touch-up scratch that her roommate inflicts on her cello every month. This time, the instrument is broken beyond repair. She could cry right now. “You are a pony with a problem!” The sudden baritone declaration snaps Octavia to attention. As she looks up, her watery eyes change to a look of confusion. The newcomer steps down from his goats that he was using as pedestals. He is a large blue minotaur wearing a tie and… a microphone(?). “Letting some pony walk all over you? Let me show you what some pony with backbone can do!” Is that a challenge? Octavia can’t tell. She tilts her head in befuddlement. “FIGHT!” With a bellowing cry, Iron Will charges forward head-first, horns cinematically shimmering. Octavia snaps out of her confused daze and immediately jumps to the side. The minotaur misses his target and plows right into the side of the house. The wall crumbles around as does the rest of the house. A cloud of dust overtakes the screen. As the dust settles, Octavia coughs a little before taking a good look. A white hoof reaches out of one side of the demolished debris. It is followed by the owner’s head and crooked sunglasses. “Wow, that was wicked,” marvels a really loopy DJ-P0n3, “Can we do that again?” “Vinyl!” cries out Octavia in worry as the other pony collapses backward. Meanwhile, Iron Will shakes loose from another side of the debris. He turns around to face the enemy-to-be. He lets out a little snort. The mare is no longer confused. She stares directly at the opponent’s eyes even from so far away. A split-screen image shows arcs of lightning racing between their respective gazes. One will most certainly die today. Iron Will breaks the standoff first by making another tackling charge. While the minotaur is still a ways off, Octavia takes a backward leap. She now stands bipedally behind both of the goats. In a move that neither of the capre expect, she grabs hold of one of the goat’s horns between her front hooves. She swings around and throws that goat through the air. Said goat lets out a screaming ‘ba’. It narrowly avoids getting impaled and ends up bouncing off of Iron Will’s head behind him. Before the other goat can act on its plan to run way, Octavia grabs this one’s horn as well. But unlike the previous one, this one lands smack on top of Iron Will’s face. Just as he runs within a foot of Octavia, she leans out of the way and sweeps low with her hind hoof. The resulting motion trips Iron Will, sending him falling onto his chin as the goat lands elsewhere. Octavia stands ready while Iron Will picks himself off the ground. Quite upset, he swings his arm around to deliver a punch. Surprisingly, Octavia blocks the punch with her hoof and brushes his arm away. The minotaur tries following up with a barrage of strong, yet slow jabs and hooks. But each attack is blocked by one or both of Octavia’s front hooves. Iron Will moves his arms into a defensive guard almost the instant that Octavia jumps up and delivers four quick kicks. While she’s still in the air, Iron Will takes the opportunity to grab around her waist. He takes a spinning motion before tossing Octavia into some of her house’s debris. Although the screen isn’t shaking, each of Iron Will’s steps makes a deafening crunching noise. Soon, his shadow looms over Octavia. She barely opens her eyes to see the monster before her even as he stands right above her. “Any last words?” he asks honorably. “Seulement trois.” Something slashes through the air. A couple seconds of time pass. Iron Will’s eyes open wide. He lowers both of his hands to grab over the equivalent of a human’s privates. He lets out a rather high-pitched scream. Another slash goes through as the combatants appear black against a red background. The outline of the minotaur’s head rolls off. The rest of his body soon collapses to the ground as well. The camera passes over Octavia in full color. The view passes over her extended front hoof. It looks like a bow with tight string is attached to the hoof’s underside. “Repose en paix,” Octavia gives her regards to the recently deceased. “K.O.!” ---Death Battle--- Wow, that fight was really nuts. Under the initial circumstances, Octavia was quickly overwhelmed by Iron Will’s loud mouth and brute force. Even her training in the martial arts couldn’t withstand his sheer upper-body strength. But she played the field and the surroundings to her advantage. She really managed to overcome brawn with her brain. She thought of moves on the fly and executed them almost without fail. In the end, there was very little that could protect Iron Will from Octavia’s secret weapon: the hidden bowstring-blades. With the right speed and angle, string can become quite deadly, and break the sound barrier like a whip cracking, believe it or not. And there’s proof by Mythbusters that even the world’s strongest man’s muscles can’t protect against lethal weapon blows. I guess Iron… Will not win. … Yeah, you should probably leave the one-liners to me, N. *ahem* The winner is Octavia. ---Death Battle--- Next time on Death Battle… … *drum boom* … No, please! Don’t make me go out there! I'm not even one of the fighters! … *drum boom* … *rip* Collected 1. ---Death Battle---