//------------------------------// // Wherein Spike Makes an Omelet // Story: Straight Answers // by Rebonack //------------------------------// Have you ever wondered why little foals rebel when their eyes grow heavy and they feel sleep tugging at the edges of their mind? Have you ever wondered why they fight so hard to remain awake when their treacherous body begs for rest? Have you ever wondered why they rise crying even when all is well? Have you ever wondered why the peaceful darkness of the night is filled with the worries of the young? Perhaps they still know what everypony else has forgotten. What everypony else has grown too old to see in that time between dreaming and awake. It takes a certain wonder and innocence to plumb the space between moments. A certain wonder that is all too often scabbed over by the wounds of age and experience. What is it that little foals meet in that twilight instant between the domains of sun and moon, between wakefulness and dreaming, between life and death? Have you ever wondered? ~~~~~ Spike awoke with a groan, just like he had for the past few days. Every single morning he had woken up feeling groggier than he had going to sleep. It was like those times where you try to take a nap in the middle of the day and your head feels all fuzzy for a while afterward. Maybe he was just eating too much ice cream before bed. The young dragon sat there in his basket for a time, simply allowing himself to come to terms with his conscious state. He could hear voices downstairs. Sounded like Twilight and Rainbow. That was kind of weird. The only time Rainbow Dash ever stopped by this early was when she was picking up a new book. He was pretty sure there weren't any Daring Doo novels in the pipes at the moment. With a huff he tossed his blanket aside and climbed out of his basket. Twilight would probably want some breakfast if she had been up early studying. That mare could hardly remember to make herself a meal once she gets her mind set on whatever academic inquiry had most recently caught her attention. If Spike weren't around to keep Twilight's hooves on the floor there's no telling what would happen. He was pretty sure that Twilight would at least be able to avoid starving herself to death. Pretty sure. Spike strolled down to the ground floor whilst yawning and scratching his scales. He spied both mares sitting huddled close and speaking in hushed tones. Not nearly as loud as they had been a few minutes ago. They both looked so intense and intent that Spike decided it would be a better idea to let them chat and do his work unnoticed. You know. More or less like normal. “Do your job well and nopony will know that you did anything,” Spike muttered as he headed into the kitchen and set about making breakfast. It would be omelets today. Twilight liked them well enough but Rainbow Dash loved them. Especially with crunchy, marinated, smoked tofu bits. The trick was to slice it just thin enough to get the perfect medium between crisp and chewy. Spike lit the stove and got and to work. Eggs, cracked and whipped. Check. Grate the cheese, check. Dice the veggies, check. Get the tofu strips sizzling, check. All the while he hummed a little ad-libbed song about cooking for his friends. It wasn't Pinkie Pie level by any means, but signing while cooking always helped him to focus on the task at claw. Well... except when he was trying to make a jewel cake. He had to really keep his head in the game for those, otherwise he would end up with a normal cake and an empty cup that had once held gemstones. Curse his draconic hunger for precious stones! Spike quickly resolved to enlist Twilight's help next time he tried to make one. He would fix up the cake and let his big sis add the gemstones to avoid the temptation of snacking while he worked. Thankfully this particular omelet recipe didn't call for any gem stones. Not that pony recipes ever would. With his culinary masterpiece completed Spike strutted back out into the library with two plates in his claws! “Morning Twilight! I fixed some breakfast for you and...” the young dragon began, only to trail off when he realized that the prismatic-maned pegasus was conspicuously absent. “...Dash. Huh. I guess she left?” Ah well. That just meant he wouldn't have to fix a third plate for himself. Twilight gave her head a little shake and pulled her attention away from whatever subject she had been rolling around in her brain. She hadn't even noticed Spike until he spoke up. “Oh, good morning Spike. Yeah, Rainbow was just talking to me about Pinkie. She's...” Twilight gave her wings a small fluff. “She's concerned.” Spike frowned as he set the plates out. “Pinkie isn't talking to the cabbages again, is she?” Last time somepony was concerned about Pinkie the peppy pink party pony had somehow gotten it into her head that cabbages were something she could make friends with. When the cabbages 'refused' to show up at any of her parties she had gotten pretty glum. The whole ordeal had ended in so much sauerkraut that the scent of pickled cabbage now sent most ponies fleeing for cover. Twilight began carefully dividing her omelet up into neat portions of equal volume and popping them into her mouth one at a time. Spike loved his big sister, regardless of the lack of blood kinship. He even loved her weird foibles. She just needed to have someone around who could steer her away from the crazies when she started getting too focused. “No, it isn't anything like that,” Twilight admitted as she continued eating her mathematically perfect bites. “Rainbow managed to get a straight answer out of Pinkie regarding her... usual magic.” Spike nearly choked on his omelet. “Wow, seriously?” he asked. Pinkie was notorious for deflecting the question or giving half-answers every time anypony brought up the subject of her 'magic'. And that isn't even counting the times where she would just act like she didn't hear or pretended she didn't understand. Pinkie regularly pulled off the impossible and most ponies were so used to it by now that they just wrote it off as Pinkie being Pinkie. But that didn't stop the underlying curiosity. Everypony had their own pet theories about Pinkie Pie, Spike included. “So is it true? Is she really a ghost?” Spike asked eagerly. That was his personal favorite. Pinkie Pie was the hungry ghost of somepony who died during the Long Night a thousand years ago freed by the magic of Dash's sonic rainboom. It explained how she popped up out of nowhere! And how she could eat so much! And why she was hungry all the time! Because the ghost of someone who died of starvation would always be hungry, right? Twilight's snort gave Spike his answer. “Oh come on, Twilight. It's a good theory! And it's the only one that explains how she shows up inside mirrors. Showing up inside mirrors is definitely a ghost thing.” The purple princess suppressed an involuntary shudder at the mention of Pinkie's 'mirror trick'. “Spike, ghosts aren't real. They're just made-up stories and superstition. There's no way Pinkie could be a ghost.” Spike rolled his eyes at his sister's stock excuse. “Fine fine, ghosts aren't real. Whatever you say, Twilight. So what is it then? What lets Pinkie be all Pinkie?” “I don't know,” Twilight admitted. “Rainbow wouldn't tell me. Pinkie made her promise not to share what she was told with anypony.” Spike tossed his claws up in the air in exasperation. “If you didn't know then why were you stringing me along! Geeze, Twilight. Well, then what was Dash talking to you about?” “Just her concern,” Twilight sighed. “It must have been something really shocking to get Rainbow so worked up. However! What she did talk to me about gave me a few ideas. Lines of research that I wouldn't have considered before in my quest to understand Pinkie! Spike, we're going to be starting a new study project.” “Oh no,” Spike replied. He practically tripped out of his chair as he hopped back and began waving his claws in a 'slow down' gesture. “Oh no no no. No research on Pinkie. You swore off researching Pinkie after what happened last time.” Spike glanced back and forth furtively and spoke again in hushed tones. “The Banana Bread Incident...?” Twilight's left ear twitched. Several times. “That won't happen again. Besides, we put all the fires out before anything important burned down.” “Yeah, but I was the one who had to clean up the feathers,” Spike countered. “Come on, Spike. This'll be fun! We'll be looking into some really esoteric material to unravel one of the greatest mysteries of our time,” Twilight insisted. “Can't we research something a bit less hazardous?” Spike complained. “Like what about those super nova you were looking at the other day? I'm sure there must be some kind of dooms day prophecy about them. That's way safer than trying to figure Pinkie out.” “Ugh. Come on Spike, this is no big deal. I've got some real leads this time around,” Twilight replied, trying her hardest to avoid being brought down by her assistant’s negativity. “Wait, I thought you said Dash didn't tell you anything?” Spike asked. Hopefully Twilight wasn't holding out on details. How was he supposed to make informed assistant suggestions if he was missing half the information? “Well, she didn't,” Twilight quickly raised a hoof to block Spike's objection. “But the simple fact that she was concerned and frightened tells me that it must have been something really unusual. Now, my running hypothesis was that Pinkie was somehow using unicorn magic as an earth pony. Obviously unicorn magic being utilized in such a way would lean toward more unusual manifestations of magical power. This model doesn't explain all that data, but it's one of the better ones. However! If Pinkie had just told Rainbow that she was using unicorn magic I doubt Rainbow would have been so upset. As such we can safely conclude that something more exotic is going on.” By now Twilight was pacing. It was a thing she tended to do when she really got to lecturing. Spike dutifully sat and listened since interrupting his big sis would just lead to even more tangential topics of elucidation. “I'm not totally ready to abandon the unicorn magic hypothesis, but that one is on the back burner right now. Which means that I'm free to explore models that might have seemed outlandish previously,” Twilight concluded. “Well, Pinkie is pretty outlandish,” Spike agreed. Then a wide grin spread across his face when he realized something. “Hey! If you're going to start looking into the cool explanations you should start with the ghost theory!” “Spike. No. Ghosts aren't real. And there is no 'ghost theory',” Twilight sighed. “There isn't even a ghost hypothesis. At best we're talking about ghost conjecture. I need something more solid than that.” “Ghosts usually aren't very solid, Twilight,” Spike pointed out. Twilight glared at him and he raised his claws in defeat. “Fine fine. But I still think it's a good idea. We should check it out eventually.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I'm sure we'll find a satisfactory explanation before we're left with your 'ghost theory', Spike.” ~~~~~ “I can't believe we haven't found a satisfactory explanation yet,” Twilight groaned. She looked at the book Spike had brought her, Ghosts, Ghouls, Goblins, and Other Ghastly Apparitions by Spooky Sounds. “Ugh. Fine. We'll see if the ghost idea has any merit.” “Woohoo!” Spike cheered and gave a little claw-pump. “Don't go celebrating just yet,” Twilight cautioned as she began leafing through the book's pages. “If anything this'll probably be just as inconclusive as the hypothesis that she's a mirror spirit from the Everfree. Now, what kind of ghost did you think she was?” “A famine spirit,” Spike replied. He was bouncing on his toes just waiting for an answer. Finally Twilight was taking one of his ideas seriously! “They're the only ghosts that eat stuff.” “Mm...” Twilight grunted as she reached the relevant entry and began reading. Problems began surfacing almost right away. “Spike... it says here that famine spirits eat other ponies. Pinkie doesn't eat ponies. The only thing that needs to be afraid of her is the town's strategic sugar reserve.” “She doesn't eat ponies that we know of,” Spike corrected. Twilight glared at him. “No. Pinkie does not eat ponies. End of discussion.” “Well...” Spike wasn't ready to give up just yet. “Maybe she's just different? You know, a friendly ghost. She just eats sweets and stuff instead of the things a scary ghost would eat. See? Problem solved.” “I doesn't solve all of them,” Twilight pointed out. “This book states in no uncertain terms that ghosts can't cross a line of salt. They can't even touch salt. Pinkie works with salt all the time when she's baking.” “Maybe that's just superstition?” Spike ventured. “Spike! This is all just superstition! This whole book has no basis in fact what so ever. Ghosts aren't real, therefore Pinkie can't possibly be a ghost,” Twilight said, firm resolution in her tone. Spike hung his head and gave a defeated sigh. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Twilight,” Spike groused. Twilight felt a weight in her gut. Seeing Spike like that made her feel like she bucked a puppy. “Don't feel bad, Spike,” she said whilst puling her number one assistant over for a hug. “I think your ghost idea is probably more consistent with the data we have on Pinkie than my unicorn magic hypothesis is. But both of them are probably wrong. That's just how science is. You keep making new models that fit the data a little bit better until you get one that sticks. And you never know when a new observation might upend it! You can keep believing your model if you want, just don't go spreading it around town too much. Some of the more sensitive ponies might be upset by the idea. I can't imagine how Fluttershy would feel.” Spike replied by muttering something Twilight couldn't quite make out. “What was that?” she asked. “I said it wasn't my idea in the first place,” Spike replied uncertainly. “It was Fluttershy's. She told me that she thought Pinkie might be a ghost and I figured, 'hey, makes sense.'” Twilight stared at Spike with an utterly dumbfounded look. “Do you think that Fluttershy might be able to provide some more insight on this model?” “Uh... I guess?” Spike ventured. “I'm going to go talk to her,” Twilight said and began heading for the door. She paused but a moment to admonish her number one assistant. “Don't forget to do your chores while I'm gone.” “Yes, mom,” Spike replied sarcastically. Big sister. Not mom. Twilight loved Spike like a sibling. And like any sibling they had their disagreements, usually over his chores. Being put in charge of the baby dragon had really helped Twilight to develop her own sense of maturity. Nothing like having to watch over the well being of another to teach responsibility. “And no getting into the ice cream. I mean it.” ~~~~~ Spike progressed through his chores quickly. He got a lot of practice getting them done, after all. Though whilst re-shelving the books scattered around the library Spike had decided to leave a few of them out for perusal. Particularly the ones on ghosts. They had quite a few, really. And while most of them mentioned the salt thing, there were a few that insisted salt was only for keeping out evil spirits and didn't have any impact on benevolent ones. He would have to bring that up to Twilight when she got back. It was an important bit of clarification after all! Because if Pinkie were a nice ghost then that would explain why she didn't eat ponies AND why she wasn't bothered by salt. Score another point for Spike! Once the library proper was all cleaned, Spike headed up to the second floor to begin the maintenance on the domestic part of their home. While busy dusting the shelves in Twilight's room he couldn't help but notice the steam rolling out from under the bathroom door. “Huh. That's weird,” the young dragon muttered as he walked in. “I don't think that was on when I woke up. Maybe I just missed it?” The bathroom itself was filled to the brim with steam to the point that the wooden walls gave it the feel of a sauna. Not that there was anything wrong with saunas. Relaxing right now would be nice. But their bathroom really wasn't made to handle this sort of thing and Spike needed to get the walls and ceiling dry to make sure mildew didn't take root. Nopony wanted a bathroom that smelled like mildew, after all. Spike shut off the water and turned to grab a towel from the little shelf near the sink. That's when he saw it. He knew it wasn't there when he walked in. It couldn't have been. He would have been staring straight at it. And yet there it was, written plain as Celestia's day in the condensation on the mirror's surface. Start giggling. Despite himself Spike followed the instructions and gave a nervous titter, his eyes flitting around the room. Suddenly the warmth of the steam wasn't relaxing at all, it was positively stifling. A repressive mugginess that did little to assuage the pins and needles sensation that was playing over Spike's scales. There was a pressure to it, a horrible sourceless heaviness to the air that pressed in all around Spike. Heat shouldn't bother him. He had bathed in molten rock before. And yet this heat carried with it a terrifying, cloying presence. “H-hello? Is s-somepony there?”