“Well that went well…” Kazooie said from laid back position in the train cars seat.
“Hope Raki has a good time by herself.” Banjo said seated next to the red and yellow earth pony.
“Well that certainly went better than any of us were expecting, but did you really have to cause a scene?” Honey stated from the seat across from them.
“Yes she did, it’s who she is. I on the other have to ask, did you really need to sell them the rotten tomatoes? You’re even more unbelievable then our world at times Kazooie.” Canary Mary said with a hint of amusement following the smile on her face.
“Eh, it’s just good business.” Kazooie stated flatly before shrugging.
“Really Kazooie, they made a Crystal Fair in less than an hour honoring you as the fourth existing princess of Equestria and a hero. You could at least show some gratitude to all the effort they went through for you.” After Banjo said that, Kazooie scoffed at him.
“If they could do all that in eleven minutes then they can get off their lazy butts and defend themselves to the best of their abilities. Heck if they can do stuff that fast I don’t see why they couldn’t have stopped my new pet evil dictator before he caused a problem.” Kazooie didn’t have much time to continue a tirade as Daring entered the compartment of the passenger train they were on.
“We’re five minutes out from Ponyville, so assuming you don’t want to meet the elements of harmony what do you have planned to avoid them?” Daring knew the elements were the biggest factor that Kazooie was trying to avoid for some reason, even if it was hard to do when you’re a flashy show off and a nutcase at that.
“Actually I want to run into them, other than Screwball and Nut Bat the rest of you will be avoiding them by going entirely around Ponyville the best that you can. Banjo is leading you to the coordinates I set up for him on his plot device. I’m glad it’s one of the few technologically powerful things that will work in a fantasy realm like this one, darn dimensional schizoid technological rules. I wanted to crash my Vic Viper into Canterlot Castle this time and scare the crap out of solar butt.” Kazooie had to find Screwball’s pet ice cream cloud Mr. Cold Spot after all, side quests ahoy! She was still bummed out that she wouldn’t be able to pull of that prank; she really hadn’t tested the technological limitations the last time she was here.
“We could do a Castle Crashers parody later if that would make you happy.” Banjo stated clearly wanting to make his sister happy and Kazooie brightened up considerably. Banjo gave a soft smile to his sister, she was so childish and easy to please at times and all it took was the promise of raiding a fortified building with her.
In Ponyville things weren’t looking to grand, as a zebra could tell you there was trouble that had a hoof in this land.
Pinkie sat at the table moping a bit, how could things have gone so horribly so quickly, it all started with Twilight trying to turn and apple into an orange. She interrupted Twilight and she created a O’ Jay by accident because of the blue jay she hit. Twilight really should fix that bird back to normal; of course if it bothered the bird to much it’d probably seek out Fluttershy first.
Pinkie rewound her thoughts because she was getting off track as to why she was moping, looking around she noticed she was in the park and her hoof was sketching a bunch of sad faces in the dirt idly.
Why did she have to go and use the mirror pool? She liked hanging out with Rainbow Dash and didn’t get much chance to do that anymore because she’s usually spending a lot of her time with Fluttershy, however due to scheduling Fluttershy was holding a tea party with her animal friends, Rainbow was relaxing at the lake and then there was Applejacks barn raising she wanted to go to.
Pinkie was surprised Applejack asked her to come watch a barn raising and it made her heart flutter… unfortunately she couldn’t very well be in three places at once and she was missing so much fun to be had. This all led to why she was in the park drawing frowns on the faces she was etching into the ground with a hoof. She had created a bunch of magical clones, sure they had some of her abilities but they weren’t actually her or did anything like her. Not only that the mirror pool clones were wreaking havoc all over Ponyville and messed up raising the barn at Applejacks.
She wasn’t horribly depressed, her hair would have straightened out if she was and quite frankly she was pretty upset her friends couldn’t tell the difference between her and a bunch of wild uncontrollable clones. Did that mean that they didn’t really think highly of her? That they thought she was like the clones and a complete nuisance? She didn’t hop around to put a frown on ponies’ faces like those mean old clones were doing, but what was she to do? Even she couldn’t prove she was the real Pinkie with those annoying jerks of herself running around.
“Wow, this is the quietest I’ve ever seen you little pink kitty.” A voice said from out of the blue.
“Yeah, I’m having a rotten day and I think the pony I’m interested in might hate me now…” Pinkie said idly in response to the voice.
“Care to tell me what’s going on?” The voice continued softly and it was very much familiar to Pinkie, but she was moping too much to really look at the speaker at the moment.
“Well it all started this morning when I came up Twilight doing a magical experiment to turn apples into oranges. I thought it was super neat, then Rarity comes up talking about making one of her fancy dresses and then it kind of snowballed from there because I was missing so much fun stuff to do during the day. Then Twilight said something that made me remember this magical place called the mirror pool, it can make copies of a pony if you know the words to use it. My Granny Pie used it as a practical joke against Celestia once, they both laughed about it in the end.” After a moment Pinkie realized she might have gone off track again and decided to continue back on the right point. “Anyway, I made a bunch of clones they kind of got out of control and started copying themselves and they’re kind of messing up the town.”
“I didn’t see any clones or ponies coming into town, but you do realize that I told you cloning never led to anything other than the blues right.” The voice said in a matter of fact tone.
“I know, my friend Wings once…” It was at this point that Pinkie just paused and looked at the red and yellow pony sitting just right behind her. The pony sighed as she held out her two front hooves in a ‘come get a hug’ motion. Pinkie was immediately cuddling into those hooves and hugging the pony with all her might.
“It’s a good thing I don’t necessarily need to breath or I’d be dying about now.” Kazooie said definitively hanging the lampshade to the obvious as to what was currently happening.
“Kazooie oh my goodness you’re here! Wait why are you here? Ah, I bet it’s something boring like world domination or just your usual shenanigans anyway. You still owe me a fight and a cartoony one at that!” Well Pinkie seemed to be perked right up positively post haste.
“Well I was looking for my daughters pet, his name is Mr. Cold Spot. Have you seen him? He’s a cloud that craps ice cream and doesn’t look natural with the general environment at all. Kind of like the stuff you’d see in Cloud Cuckoo Land.” Kazooie put a hoof under her chin to think on it with amusement.
“Yeah, Gummy really enjoys him as a playmate; I think it’s all the meat flavored ice cream which I think is pretty gross but whatever makes my little gum gums happy.” Pinkie’s spirit was a bit higher then it was previously was, but then a memory from a day or so ago sparked. “That sea salt ice cream came from you didn’t it? Why didn’t you tell me you’re back in Equestria, I would have made a party for you.”
“Eh, we’ll party later when I have more time Pinkie, so want to hold that duel now? I’ll give you ten…” Kazooie was halted when Pinkie grabbed her by the face.
“Yes! It’ll really help me keep the mind off this mess I’ve made.” Pinkie exclaimed exuberantly throwing her right hoof in the air.
“Well choose the battlefield and we’ll find someone to start the countdown and from there we’re going all out with the baked goods a flying. I’m sure my daughter will find her pet easily enough if it’s around. Also before you ask Pinkie yes you can throw a party for my daughter, but make it later because I’m not the only one who came to Equestria.”After Kazooie finished talking a unicorn chose this moment to walk up to the two of them.
“Excuse me but…” The unicorn started to say only for Pinkie to interrupt.
“Oh hey Chrysalis, I’m sorry but you can’t lead Kazooie into an ambush right now as we already have plans to do battle with each other. Say can you do a countdown for us?” Within seconds the unicorn was trying to sputter denials at Pinkie’s request until Kazooie cut in.
“Look you can ambush me later; you can use this as an opportunity to learn all you can about me and be better informed about how to ambush me at a better time Princess Caterpillar. Now are you going to do a countdown for us or just in general go away now since your plan fell through already?” The unicorn just stood there staring blankly at the two before she revealed her true form as Chrysalis in a glow of green flames.
“How did you two know?” Chrysalis thought her disguise was flawless.
“I’m a trained shaman, I can see through magically created disguises. Also I’m a shape shifter too if you haven’t noticed, there are several failures in your disguise other then the fact that you can’t possible hide your souls appearance. These include the smell of a pony, compared to someone who hasn’t bathed in days and has been in a frozen wasteland for a while and beyond that you’re a lot taller than most normal ponies and as I’ve noticed you’re species can only minimally shift mass. As such the only unicorn pony I know that would have been as big as you would have been Fleur De Lis of Canterlot who I once danced with after going to a club and making some friends. One last thing of note, you didn’t have a cutie mark and you had the air of someone important about you as such your disguise fails horribly as anyone important in Equestria would have a cutie mark.” After all that was pointed out by Kazooie, Chrysalis raised an eye at Pinkie in interest into how she knew, because she was the first one to address the fact that she was a changeling.
“Oh, did you want to know how I knew who you were Princess Chrissie?” Pinkie said jovially realizing that Chrysalis was now glaring at her and Kazooie was looking in her direction with a small smirk. Pinkie was starting to bounce in place as her perkiness levels went up. “Aside from the soul sight thing which is exclusive to Kazooie, she has some pretty good points as to why you couldn’t have possibly been a pony. There’s also the fact that my Pinkie sense went off the minute you opened your mouth and you didn’t really disguise your eyes all too well, you might want to work on that by the way. So are you going to do the countdown for us? Are you, are you banana fantasia safari you?”
After a moment of silence and at her failure to even get her ambush off the ground and that Kazooie could see through her disguise magic as a mental note which she quickly forgets a minute later, Chrysalis came to a decision that would change the very world around her.
“Eh, fine…” Not really caring or acknowledging why she was doing them this favor, she was just going to do it and move on with her career as a princ… QUEEN, she was a queen and not a stupid princess. She changed back into her unicorn disguise with a bit of added detail and a cutie mark of a green orb with sticky substances coming off of it. If asked Chrysalis will deny it was a changeling love siphoning cocoon.
Elsewhere dealing with an entirely different problem, that Pinkie recently stopped thinking about so hard and should probably get back to taking responsibility for.
“Darn it why won’t they hold still.” Applejack lunged and missed another fake Pinkie clone yelling ‘fun’ a lot at the top of its lungs. A few of the clones started to cuddle up to the downed Applejack and jumped away when she tried to buck them while getting up.
“They’re copies of Pinkie; did you actually expect them to hold still?” Rainbow yelled as she shot overhead and tried to herd the Pinkie clones into a pack. Of course the word herd flew through her mind when in relation to Fluttershy and her face became bright red at the thought.
“Girls we have to focus, we need to get all these clones to the town hall if my plan is to succeed.” As she was saying this Twilight was trying her hardest to immobilize the clones who she knew weren’t Pinkie and in her own mind she had to admit she had a mean plan cooked up for the real Pinkie, but that mare had to learn to organize her time better sometime soon rather than later. Also Pinkie had caused a real mess with all her clones; it was the whole parasprite thing on repeat only with Pinkie’s this time.
Just as she got a grip on another Pinkie clone a flaming apple struck her horn causing her to yelp in pain as it exploded in a gory amount of apple chunks and juice. The four other ponies stopped trying to gather the Pinkie clones and turned to the aggressor who just struck Twilight with a flaming apple. A dark grey coated unicorn with a vicious toothy smile on her face sauntered forward swinging her hips slowly causing the pink dress she was wearing to sway rhythmically. With a flaming bat levitated above her right side of her head and another apple at the other which she promptly took a bite out of earning Applejacks ire, she magically swung her bat while striking a small pose and then pointed it at them.
Nut Bat knew they were already badly distracted well enough, but why not make the distraction even better by assaulting them? She was ‘yay’ bored out of her ‘yay’ mind. She just needed some action, levitating the apple in front of her she focused on it and it started spinning.
“Hello I will be attacking you for no good reason today, HOMERUN!” As she yelled homerun, she swung the bat hard as it coalesced with a building yellow energy. It struck the spinning apple setting it on fire and sending it on a curved path towards Twilight who put up a magical barrier. It was proven to be a pointless use of magic when the apple veered sharply to strike Rarity in the chest knocking the wind out of her as well as scorching her slightly.
Rarity was on her back and breathing roughly and furthermore her pristine white coat was just sullied by that uncouth if rather vivacious unicorn that upped and suddenly attacked them from out of nowhere. They were having enough problems keeping multiple Pinkies’ under control; they didn’t need a random stranger attacking them as well.
“Hold on Rarity.” Applejack was immediately galloping over to Rarity to check on her to see if she was okay. Fluttershy was right there with her exclaiming ‘oh no’ constantly.
At this time Rainbow immediately turned on the violent intruder who just struck Rarity down and dove for her, nobody hurts her friends and gets away with it.
As Rainbow closed in Nut Bat did a sideways flip and as Rainbows eyes followed her acrobatic leap, she was quickly blindsided across the right side of her face by the baseball bat she should have been paying attention to. Rainbow spun with the blow and slammed to the ground on her back and slid a bit creating a small line in the dirt.
Nut Bat didn’t even bat an eye at Rainbow as she started to strut towards Twilight who had lowered the barrier upon seeing Rarity get struck by the flaming apple launched like a baseball by the mad batter pony.
Fluttershy was immediately angry that this pony hurt her heart’s desire and when she went to stare the pony down she had to duck back avoiding getting a chunk of her mane burned off as the pony casually swung the bat at her and continued on her slow strutting path for Twilight without even a passing glance at the buttery mare. Instead of giving her the stare Fluttershy went to make sure Rainbow was alright as she’d rather avoid the scary mare with the really hot baseball bat that didn’t look to be burning out anytime soon. It made her wonder how she could stand that immense heat, considering it only took her a second and being within a foot of the bat to want to stay far away from the crazy smiling unicorn.
Twilight started to back away slowly from the dark grey unicorn.
“What do you want with us? Who are you?” Try as she might Twilight couldn’t keep the stutter out of her voice, what was another day in the life of friendship lessons in Ponyville turned downright horrifying in under a minute because of one mare who was looking at her strangely.
“Play ball...” Was all Nut Bat said, oh she wasn’t going to kill them but she was going to rough them up quite a bit. Twilight barely managed to dodge the apple that was launched at the back of her head and she took a glancing blow across her face during its return at twice the speed after Nut Bat struck it with her baseball bat.
In Ponyville’s market square Pinkie and Kazooie were standing on their hind hooves eye to eye with Chrysalis between them and off to the side a bit. Behind Chrysalis were her five changelings wearing cheerleading outfits with one exclaiming that he thought he looked pretty.
“Okay what am I doing and do my loyal subjects really have to wear those ridiculous outfits?” Oh goodness knows Chrysalis couldn’t have just attacked Kazooie anyway at anytime from this point. She was under the constant impression that something was wrong with her because she didn’t do just that immediately.
“You count down from three and say go of course! Then I and Kazooie start fighting each other as we previously agreed to do. Also they needed the cheerleading outfits because it’s cool to have your own personal cheer squad in the background two for me, two for her and one especially for you.” Pinkie said hopping from leg to leg eager to get started to see how her skills have grown. The changeling cheerleader for Chrysalis raised her pompoms and shook them vigorously while stating her eternal servitude to the queen.
Chrysalis looked simply not so amused at the prospect… why was she doing this again… one flick of her horn and she could just attack the insufferable heathen that destroyed her last plan.
“Three two one go.” Chrysalis said flatly only for the two mares in front of her to drop to all fours and stare at her blankly. “What is it now?”
“No, I’m just not feeling it now.” With her eyes closed Kazooie crossed her hooves in front of herself and waited. “Some cloak and dagger princess you are… I’m not going to fight Pinkie until you give it some oomph.”
Chrysalis just gave her a flat look before turning to Pinkie. Pinkie really didn’t fight too hard during their Canterlot invasion in fact she seemed to care little that the city was invaded and didn’t seem to worry that the changelings managed to surround and trap them. In fact she spent most of the invasion getting her changelings to do silly things and they for some reason went along with it, not to mention the medical injuries involving rubber chickens, confetti and streamers that were reported to her after all things were said and done. Pinkie may not have fought her hardest, but she had managed to injure some of her most elite changelings with cheap ridiculous materials she had at hoof without so much as a black eye to show for it.
“I’m not fighting either until you can do it correctly. First you say three, two, one in a loud slow manner then you raise your right hoof like this and tap yourself on the nose don’t forget it. So you bring it around town like so, then you bring it a little bit here and move to ‘to’ and bring it to ‘fro’, shake what your mother gave you in the trunk while putting your hooves here, here, here and then you shout GO! Plus you have to throw your right hoof forward like this and you have to mean it when you do it, then you just jump back and enjoy the show.” All the changelings were just staring wide eyed at Pinkie as she had somehow managed to fully contort herself into the shape of a pretzel. Leaving her right hoof was the only free part of her body apparently.
“Also I’ll be providing the battle music for this fight, starting with ‘Shin Onigashima’ and then sliding it into ‘We Like To Party’. Is that okay with you Pinkie? Glancing blows don’t count and clean clear hits only.” Kazooie wasn’t surprised that her opponent managed to give herself the bends, she was a cartoon character after all and a very tough nut to crack since she was very stubborn about her promises. Pinkie was a tough opponent and will be a worthy fight for Kazooie.
“Yes, but Chrissie still has to do the entire start thing right or it doesn’t count. It’s very important that we start this off perfectly.” The changelings had only looked away from Pinkie for a moment to hear what Kazooie had to offer and when they looked back at Pinkie she was completely fine and not a pretzel shaped pony anymore.
In fact Pinkie looked to be brimming with energy as she brushed her left hoof along her nose before moving it up to her mane and then stared down Kazooie with a smile as she held her right hoof forward tilting it towards herself several times before she lowered it slightly to point at the ground.
Kazooie stood on her hind legs and stayed relatively still while giving off a yawn, before she put both of her hooves forward and gestured at herself with both of them before she took a stance. Her right hoof at her back where her backpack was and her left hoof was seemingly limp; her legs were spread apart in a horse stance.
It was on… they both turned to Chrysalis and nodded; it took her a moment to realize that they wanted her to do her part now before the coolness factor wears off and they’d look like a pair of idiots. They were practically a pair of idiots anyway given how they were going to fight each other in broad daylight where a few ponies started to take note of a confrontation taking place, especially in the street where fighting looked like it was about to take place they were going to watch in curiosity. Chrysalis sighed, why in the world was she doing this again?
Pinkie was now wearing a green head band and she had yet to move out of her pose, it seemed to have materialized out of nowhere.
“Three, two, one… GO!” Chrysalis managed to strike a better pose despite doing all the stuff Pinkie did and did not end up as a pretzel as an end result as she thrust her right hoof forward and leapt backwards. Soon Chrysalis could hear a guitar riff as Pinkie and Kazooie’s eyes narrowed on each other and then she blinked.
That’s when the music started picking up as Kazooie and Pinkie blurred at each and appeared for a moment to thrust both their respective hooves forward and a clash of pie crust and filling flew through the air where they met in the center. Where the two pies met Kazooie quickly spun back and to left while pulling off her backpack and slinging it around to release a stream of steaming hot pies with a wide sweeping arc.
Pinkie leapt high over the wide area release of pies and the performed back flip before raising both hooves above her head and swinging them downward releasing a pie three times the size of her first one at Kazooie.
Side stepping the humongous pie with little ease as it splattered everywhere almost hitting her with the splash, Kazooie flicked her hoof only once and three pies flew out at Pinkie.
Pinkie tilted her body backwards in mid-air, she rolled nearly taking a hit to her side and finally she opened her mouth wide to swallow the third pie tin and all. As soon as she landed she sneezed out the pie tin onto the ground and two more pies flew from her nostril side by side at Kazooie who was almost caught flat footed by the return salvo as she bent backwards under them and then stood straight up.
Kazooie popped three pies out of her backpack and started to juggle them and she threw two at the two pies that Pinkie was starting to throw before charging forward to try and get this into a close range combat.
Chrysalis just stared on in total awe at the idiocy of the situation, were these two taking this fight seriously at all? They were putting on an impressive show so far even if they weren’t. Also where in the hell did they get all these pies from in the first place? Cherry, blueberry, apple, raspberry, strawberry, one rhubarb so far and lot’s of them were banana or chocolate cream.
Pinkie moved her left hoof upwards to redirect the pie in Kazooie’s right hoof causing her to drop it and then threw her own right hoof in a hooking motion almost nailing her in the side of her face with a pie.
Kazooie leaned back and kicked the pie still dropping towards the ground flipping it so it was right side up and then she kicked again in a split second. Pinkie crouched low as the pie sailed over her head and tried to slam the pie still held in her right hoof home into Kazooie’s stomach. Kazooie dove to the side and chucked a pie at Pinkie’s legs forcing her to hop over it.
Their surroundings were getting quite creamed and they had nailed quite a few bystanders. This included a smiling Lyra at a table at an outdoor cafe, who had once again had her pie slice eaten by a rather annoying remnant of the parasprites; she got an entire warm and delicious pie so she was just plain happy. Next to her was her lover Bonbon was still staring in disbelief at the fight taking place, in fact she still couldn’t believe Lyra had photographic evidence of humans from wherever she went to.
There wasn’t a speck of pie on the either of the combatants as they charged forward at each other. When they met they looked to be fighting each other normally, Kazooie seemingly blocked three rapid strikes from Pinkie and kicked backed at her twice and spun around once causing Pinkie to duck under the two swinging hooves and threw an uppercut that missed. Kazooie back flipped and Pinkie leaned back the barest of a millimeter.
When they slowed to a halt as Pinkie looked at the tip of her mane covered in whip cream, she held up her hooves in a T shape and then wiped the whip cream off and stuffed it in her mouth humming happily to herself before nodded to Kazooie. “Almost got me that time Wings.”
“Yeah well, it looks like you’ve been practicing your pie fu.” Even as she said this Kazooie ducked under a straight and sent two jabs before following with a hard left straight.
Pinkie lunged forward and with a jerk of her hip she launched a blazingly fast roundhouse kick which Kazooie caught with a hoof before grappling Pinkie to the ground only to release her when Pinkie spat a small tart out of her mouth nearly nailing the surprised red pony in the face.
Chrysalis was still wondering how Pinkie managed to put a pie on the side of her hoof for that roundhouse, much less every other pie that flew out of the blindingly fast exchange they had.
Pinkie rolled backwards onto her hooves and then the music changed to a jumpy tune, smiling Pinkie Pie started to shake her rump to it. Kazooie tossed the pie she had in her hoof to the side nailing one of Chrysalis’s changelings in the face; it was made with love so the changeling was perfectly happy even if it got slightly burned by the hot filling.
“I like to party, I like… I like to party!” Pinkie cheered as she started to shake her rump back and forth swinging her puffy tail about.
The mood of the battle changed from epic pie fight to something more absurd when Kazooie took on a different stance.
That’s when the magic started as the two combatants started tapping their hooves on the ground and then they started to change the rhythm of their entire fight.
Kazooie started with a thrusting her right hoof in the air as she skipped to the side and then reversed her direction doing the same thing barely dodging several pies and then the next few were halted as she started doing ‘the monkey’ which turned into a seven pie juggle while she doing ‘the twist’ before she started performing an indescribably complex dance move. Her legs bended up and down while move outwards and inward and she was twirling the tips of both of her hooves she was them swinging inwards and outwards to the side sending a pie at Pinkie with a strike from each repetition of the dance move.
Pinkie flicked the first pie that came at her with tip of her right leg and caught the second pie with the first then tossed them on top of her head.
While balancing the two smashed together pies on her head Pinkie caught the next two pies with her hooves by flipping them like bits into them and barely caught the edge of the fifth one in her teeth with a quick jerk of her neck before blocking the last two pies with the ones in her hooves.
Tossing those four smashed together pies and the pie in her teeth on her head, Pinkie then stood on her left leg while propping up her right leg on it. She brought her hooves together and gave a simple smile before leaning back slightly the pies slightly tilted with her lean.
She leaned forward quickly and the pies went flying back at Kazooie, they even spun apart separating mid flight into a row of seven pies each in a different flavor and color.
Kazooie gave a cheese filled smirked as she started walking backwards while it looked like she should be moving forwards; she spun around raise her right hoof in the air while grabbing the lower portion of her belly with her left hoof. She even gave a soft coo as the pies splattered the wall of a building behind her exploded in a rainbow of colorful pie filling. “Who’s bad, I’m bad.”
Pinkie charged forward and performed a cartwheel to pop out of it hind legs first which Kazooie quickly blocked with her hooves only to get a solid kick to the chin when Pinkie back flipped off of her block.
Chrysalis had seen it; there was a pie at the tip of Pinkies hoof a moment before she kicked it upwards and Kazooie took the blow from the hoof instead of being hit by the pie itself. Kazooie actually took a hit to avoid taking a direct hit from a pie. Chrysalis’s bottom left eye started to twitch, she wasn’t learning anything from this fight except for the fact that they were both currently earth ponies and their reflexes were obscenely ridiculous.
Pinkie landed on all fours before charging into a standing stance and then thrusting her right hoof three times and then she swapped hooves to swing her left at Kazooie.
Their legs weren’t resting during this exchange as Kazooie threw a left hook followed by a high right kick, left straight, left low kick and a hard upper right that nearly knocked Pinkie off balance.
Instead Pinkie fell onto her back and spun around while kicking out until she was standing her front hooves and twisting her hind legs into upside down kicks at Kazooie whom was knocked onto her back by a particularly strong buck. Kazooie had to admit Pinkie’s break dance pie fighting was pretty darn good.
Kazooie dodge rolled and leapt out of the way of the pink pony’s next attack. Pinkie leapt up righted herself after a back flip and brought her right hoof down hard creating a crater filled with another giant pie that exploded the entire area around the impact zone the splattered the five changelings who protected their queen with their own bodies, good thing it was a cold custard pie or else that might have stung a bit if they were hit by flaming blackberries which were pretty hard to get out of their holes.
Elsewhere in Ponyville at Sugar Cube Corner, a pie covered unicorn pony staggered in and fell down on her face.
“My goodness what happened to you Sea Swirl? Are you okay dear?” Mrs. Cake said worriedly, before she was shaken off by the unicorn.
“Sorry about you’re floor. I just had to get out of there, they are insane… so many pies, couldn’t even see them until after I was hit by at least eight they are throwing more then what you see. It’s all going down in the market place square.” Sea Swirl whined.
“Um… what are you here for then?” Mrs. Cake asked not really wanting to know what insane thing was going on besides the fact that Pinkie magically cloned herself. She didn’t think she would want to hear the word ‘fun’ for a while even at her husband’s suggestion.
“Can I get an order of two éclairs and an apple Danish?” This was said plainly from Sea Swirls mouth after a moment of consideration. “Also would it be too much to ask for a towel as well?”
Mrs. Cake didn’t know to respond to this, with laughter or with seriousness. Poor Sea Swirl looks like she’s already had enough of pie for a while anyway, both Pinkie and the baked good variety.
Walking out the door and passing by Sea Swirl was a smiling Screwball followed by a pink cloud that flowed around her head excitedly in small circles hugging close to the her coat. Apparently there was a pie fight going on and there was a lot of free pie there, Screwball was going to go get herself some but first she had to swing on by to see how Nut Bat was doing. She was last seen heading towards the apple and one pear tree farm. Yeah, Screwball didn’t think she could fix the pear tree thing considering she didn’t have Discords powers anymore and they were probably sealed away with him in stone again.
Back with Pinkie and Kazooie their four hooves hooves were slightly covered in pie crust and filling, but the rest of their bodies were completely and utterly clean. Thus far they hadn’t gotten clean hit on the other and were practically clean despite the entire area of them having been flooded with pie after pie zipping through the air with every close to long range exchange they held against each other.
The exchange they were currently having was unique in how they performed their graceful dance moves while attacking each other. It was surprising that Pinkie Pie had yet to tire of fighting Kazooie to a standstill despite the fact that Kazooie was a video game character and didn’t have a stamina bar to deplete.
“You know Wings we kind of ran out of music.” Pinkie said idle lifting her right leg sky high and tried to drop it down on Kazooie who grappled and released her quickly.
“Yeah, well unless you want to pause so I can set something else up we’re still putting on quite a show Kitten. That kick dance thing you did was impressive when you led it into a belly dancing style dodges, didn’t know you knew how to slam dance so well.” Kazooie continued to sway left and right out of the way of the pies, they’ve been trading blows but none of their pies could ever seem to hit the target they so desperately wanted to win against.
“We’re crazy aren’t we?” As Pinkie said this they were both grappling each other.
Kazooie had her left hoof under Pinkie’s right armpit and had her in an arm lock; Pinkie on the other hoof had their in a legs locked up. They both only had one free hoof and at this range they just might accidentally pie themselves so they were holding their pies threateningly at each other.
“Eh, it’s part of laughter to be a little zany you know. I’m as much an element of laughter as you are. Really now, who else other than you would start an epic two way pie fight and then take it this far?” In all Kazooie was rather impressed with Pinkie’s stamina given they’ve been at this for at least ten minutes without a solid hit of a pie smacking either of them. She wasn’t taking it easy on Pinkie and if she had to suspect Pinkie was actually taking her seriously which was a scary thought when you put the words ‘Pinkie’ and ‘serious’ together.
“Fun? FUN! Fun there fun fun funny fun fun!” A voice stated inquisitively staring at the two warriors in the distance holding their weapons near each other’s throat. Soon a bunch of Pinkie Pie’s hopped onto the ridge gathering together to see what kind of fun the original Pinkie was having. They were single minded in their pursuit as magical constructs, too bad they weren’t smart enough to stay away from something that looked fun.
They broke away and after doing more back flips that resulted in humongous pies Kazooie decided to call a time out and Pinkie froze in mid-air. Letting go of the big pie she was about to hurl at Kazooie she dropped to the ground leaving the pie floating in the air, very much defying the laws of all known physics.
“What is it Wings?” Pinkie said seriously trotting up to her on all fours.
“I’ve been wondering about the back flipping giant pie thing… secret family technique?” Hey the bird brained pony was curious as to how Pinkie kept pulling the giant pies out.
“Not really, that’s just my giant pie pull technique. I’ve yet to use my family’s secret technique because I’m not sure if I could even hit you with it and I wouldn’t want use it unless it is put to great effect. You don’t just waste that technique on any situation.” The pink pony answered simply.
“Very impressive mass for a cartoon character like yourself to hammer, I have to say Pinkie you’ve really come a long way from that precocious little filly you were. In fact I don’t think you’ve lost any of your charisma even if you’re almost all grown up. I hope to never see that happy little spark of mirth in you die.” Pinkie blushed and rubbed the back of her head at Kazooie words.
“Thank you, you’re really proving you’re not so bad at being a cartoon character. So, is there anything else you wanted to….” The rather puffy mare said before she was cut off by Chrysalis.
“Get back to fighting! Wait why am I even eating this popcorn? Where did it come from, this is of no sustenance to me. Stop holding up the fight and get back into it.” Chrysalis angrily griped, tossing the popcorn to the side for Derpy, a little filly and her lookalike friend Ditzy to greedily dig into.
Derpy didn’t honestly know why the changeling queen took it from her in the first place and starting eating from it if she didn’t like popcorn. Not to mention that if it wasn’t filling for the changeling queen it was a bunch of empty calories that were going to go straight to her hips. Shaking her head she made sure her little muffin the unicorn filly sitting next to her didn’t take to much popcorn in her mouth at one time.
“Well you heard the lady; our audience must not be disappointed!” Pinkie then quickly went back to where her floating pie was and slowly swam through the air back up to it with breast strokes and affixed her body in the same position she was in before the fight was paused.
“Right back to it then, any music requests?” The red pony watched as the pink one took on a thoughtful sitting pose in mid air once again letting go of the pie leaving it to hover there. The ponies watching the spectacle didn’t know why Kazooie didn’t look surprised that her opponent was managing to defy all logic at the moment.
“If Twilight were here I think she’d have a huge conniption.” Bonbon said slowly, only to get a nod in agreement as Lyra polished off another still somewhat good smashed pie. Why did Bonbon agree to marry her? Oh yeah, she loved her and the mint colored pony kept her relatively sane by being insane.
“Hmmm… what about Cartoon Heroes, you know, the speedy version of it?” Well Pinkie Pie wanted to explore her options and she wasn’t sure if Kazooie would want to play that one.
“It’ll take a while for the music to boot up, but fine let’s go!” That music did remind Kazooie of Pinkie an awful lot and it was peppy and cheerful. Whoever made that song had to be on some kind of caffeine high.
They charged in and the pies were flying again until a pie flew in from the side at both of them and the most remarkable thing was that it was on fire. The backed away from each other, Pinkie somersaulted in reverse and Kazooie jumped twice in retreat. They turned to the pony that would dare interrupt their pie fighting.
“Who are you?” Pinkie said, after a moment she recognized the pony. “You’re the mare who!”
Screwball smiled and standing behind her was a bedraggled Nut Bat who had no clue how she ended up where she was at currently. She really dislike it when Screwball teleported them around without warning, she was getting better at that chaos control thing and directing it correctly, she wasn’t even sure the ponies she was roughing up saw how she left and would probably assume she just teleported away given how fast Screwball had grabbed her and quickly exclaimed there was pie flying everywhere.
“Pinkie now is not a time to be quoting Ninja Combat. Screwball could you not interfere please? Pinkie and I have issues to work out.” For a moment Kazooie thought her daughter would agree to step out only to dodge a blazingly fast pie flying by her face.
“Oh come on, where are you ponies getting all your pies from! Do every single one of you ponies have the ability to just pull out and throw pies?” Indeed Chrysalis was confused that not only did Kazooie and Pinkie seem to have a bottomless number of pies, but apparently so did the interloper to their battle.
Just seeing her simply pull a pie and chuck it with incredible force, put Chrysalis under a level of unease at the thought of the ponies at any other invasion she might have planned in the future… if she could get her changelings to lend her aid anymore. The pie that was just thrown had enough force that when Kazooie dodged it, it put a hole in the wall of the building it hit and then splattered everywhere inside proving that the ponies that were indoors weren’t even safe from the pie fight. She started to hyperventilate, until she felt some running through her long blue mane.
Derpy walked over to Chrysalis and patted the changeling princess on the head soothingly before stroking her mane before pulling a heart shaped muffin out of nowhere and hoofing it too her as she nuzzled the flustered pony bug thing. “There there it’ll be alright.”
“Mom, you are so awesome.” The little unicorn filly stated with glee as she followed her mother over to the changelings, most of which had their cheerleading outfits ruined by pie crusts.
One changeling in particular had two large blobs of filling at under his cheerleading outfit stuck at his chest level; he thought he still looked pretty even covered in pie.
“You know I never even threw a party for her either… I guess I’m going to need a mega party or even an ultimate level party for you guys.” After a moment’s pause Pinkie stopped bouncing in place and glared at Screwball. “Why are you interfering in our fight?”
Screwballs answer was simple… she wanted Pinkie to win and for her mother to be happy, also she wanted pie and was kind of hungry. Mr. Cold Spot floated above her and formed a pie shape before spitting out a baked apple dumpling with ice cream on top as his own show of communication of the situation.
“Well that’s new…” Kazooie said taking in the clouds knew ability to make different desserts only the requisite was that it had to come with ice cream.
“Yeah, you wouldn’t believe how long it took me to teach him to do that. As long as it comes with ice cream he can do it, otherwise he’s not great for much else other then ice cream as even the baked apple dumpling tastes like apple flavored sherbet with pecan streusel syrup.” After a moment Pinkie looked to Kazooie and wiggled her hips. “Do you think my flank looks fat, I think have been tapping that cloud a little too much at times.”
“Its fine, can the two of use get back to fighting?” Pulling out a pie the ketchup and mustard pony was about to start in on Pinkie and she was about to start in on her. This was until Screwball slid between them and tried to pie her.
“Hey, stop helping me!” Pinkie slapped outwards with her right hoof with a lukewarm peach pie, Screwball extended her left hoof flicked the pie at its edge sending it flipping into the air and she caught it while diving out of the way of the pie Kazooie tried to slam home into her to get her out of their fight.
Kazooie leaned back dodging the pie Screwball threw up at her from her sideways dive then ducked down as Pinkie chucked a pie at both her and Screwball.
From her position on her side Screwball lifted the entire lower half of her body rolling so that she was balancing on her right should before performing a back flip when she pushed at the ground with her right hoof as the pie Pinkie slammed at the spot she just occupied.
“Don’t care anymore, if you want a threesome then let’s have a threesome!” Pinkie screamed as the pie fight became a three way pie destroying festival of mess causing to the extreme. The innuendo was not lost on the other ponies watching; they blushed and were horrified at the thought of what was taking place in the pie covered market place. It was around this point that the Cartoon Heroes speedy music kicked in and they blurred attacking each other at high speeds.
Pinkie was actually pretty direct in her pie fighting style as everyone not caught in the brawl noticed, but she was also performing flawless break dancing moves and stretching in odd ways to avoid taking a clean hit.
Screwball did poorly in a close up confrontation, however she was good at redirecting and throwing pies at excessive speeds and they exploded violently when they finally decided to stop and many a pony considered it lucky that they were just cream pies.
Kazooie was a tricky one to watch in combat as her complex pie throws were insane and hard to follow to the point that it broke a few ponies minds as to just how flexible Kazooie was, but she did tend to twirl and spin a lot.
They all were performing acrobatics that seemed completely impossible, running across the roof tops, jumping more than once and dashing in any direction once they jumped.
The next few minutes until the sugar rush of a song ended were a blur, well technically the fighters were indistinct blurs. Watching the fight sipping a can of beer Nut Bat stayed off to the side with Chrysalis and the gathering crowd of ponies, they didn’t like changelings but they currently were too busy focusing on the battle of a thousand flying pies to care.
Suddenly a pie flew out of nowhere and struck a standing Screwball in the chest just as she finished her throwing motion to lob a pie at Kazooie. The spiral pupils dilated and she just stood there slowly turning her head to her chest.
Kazooie performed a back dash out of the range of the sloppily thrown pie and leaned out of the way of the pie that flew by her head as she stared at Screwball just looking down at the pie on her chest.
Screwball looked up tearfully at Kazooie before she fell down to her butt, she bit her bottom lip and held her right hoof out at Kazooie before she completely fell to the ground.
Kazooie immediately ignore Pinkie who looked confused at the sudden reaction and turned to see a falling Screwball. She dropped her pie and followed Kazooie over to Screwball.
“Screwball… are you okay honey? Screwball…” Kazooie quickly rolled Screwball over and put her head into her lap as she took a seated position. Screwball coughed up a blackberry and a bit of cherry syrup seeped out the corner of her mouth, as she tried to nuzzle her mother’s belly before her eyes closed. Slowly snowflakes fell over Kazooie who shook Screwballs body. “No!”
“Um… I’ve been meaning to ask you… who is this pony to you?” Pinkie really didn’t know who Screwball was, but at least she had a name.
“She’s my daughter Pinkie; my wonderful little girl… has been pied.” Kazooie let a tear fall onto her pie covered daughter; she sniffled as she held her daughter in her hooves and stroked her purple and white streaked mane. She leaned her head over her daughter and closed her eyes to plant a kiss on her forehead and then the red and yellow pony stood up. “Okay, who threw that pie? They are so sugar coated when I get them. Who did this…? WHO DID THIS?!”
“Fun fun!” It was at this moment that a bunch of pinkie clones started hopping into the market square and quite a few of them were nibbling at the pie covering the ground. Others were playing around with pies of their own hitting each other and laughing about it.
“Pinkie… are these the clones you were talking about?” Kazooie said turning her head slightly to present an angry eye to the sorrowful pink pony.
“Yeah…” Pinkie had gotten an innocent pied, that innocent pony wanted her to win and she even fought her on it as she wanted to face Kazooie fair and square. Why did everything have to get so complicated? Why did the laughs stop?
“Pact me…” It wasn’t a request Kazooie held out her right hoof to Pinkie.
Pinkie looked at the proffered hoof and then looked at Kazooie; she nodded and took it in her left hoof while bringing the pony before her into an arm hug. A green glow erupted around both of the ponies, before it stopped.
Kazooie picked up the fallen body of her daughter and carried it over to a disinterested Nut Bat.
“You know you’re being a bit overly dramatic about all this right?” Nut Bat didn’t receive an answer as Screwball was laid at her hooves. A lot of the ponies didn’t know who Nut Bat was, but they agreed with her that this was getting rather ridiculous.
“We must avenge my fallen daughter! Her death will not be in vain.” The red and yellow pony stated throwing her left hoof into the air.
“She was just hit with a pie you idiot!” Having no idea what came over her Chrysalis after stating this started to chuckle dryly as she was the pot calling the kettle black, she was supposed to be hunting Kazooie down ruthlessly and here she was just sitting on her well rounded taut flank. Even her five changelings could sense her feelings and started to chuckle with her, their queen was joyful so they were joyful.
Chrysalis knew the extra Pinkie’s weren’t changelings, but it was still jarring to see so many replica’s of her. She kind of understood the fear factor of her own people a little bit now, that many ponies hitting her changelings with volleys of unending pies. The thought caused a shudder to pass through the bug pony.
Both Pinkie and Kazooie ignored the peanut gallery and they both suddenly struck a pose as the surrounding roof tops, stalls and the battle field itself were filled with Pinkie Pie clones that all started to focus on them. Each clone brought out a pie and narrowed their eyes at the pair standing in the center of the completely ruined market place.
“Pinkie… how many of these magical constructs did you create?” Kazooie asked slowly with her eyes closed.
“Around a hundred and fifty and if I gave it some thought I probably would have made one Pinkie for every pony in Ponyville if I felt like it.” In her heart Pinkie was glad she didn’t as she stood back to back with Kazooie, her eyes were also closed.
“Ready to pie!” Kazooie’s eyes flew wide open; her body was encompassed in a spherical green glow and green sparkles were trailing to Pinkie.
“Then pie!” Pinkie responded as her eyes flew open too, she was also covered in a spherical green glow and had green sparkles tethering her to Kazooie.
In sync with each other the disappeared in a flash and started zipping around area in flashes you could barely see the kick and punches of their afterimages; they almost felt like they were flying around through the air. Within five seconds… all the Pinkie clones had pie tins covering their faces and then they exploded into balls of energy that flew away sending pie flying everywhere.
Pinkie and Kazooie were standing apart from each other and staring the other down. They charged each other and a huge explosion of pie crusts, filling and tin pans flew away from the impact zone in a tidal wave.
When the wave of pie filling stopped flowing through the streets and ponies could see Pinkie’s back was to Kazooie and she fell slightly.
“Woo… this was fun Wings…” Pinkie said slowly before she stood up holding a pie that Kazooie had charged at her with and Kazooie fell to the ground.
“You got me… but it’s still best two out of three. We’re tied now.” Kazooie mumbled and then kicked herself into a standing position and pulled off the pie plastered over her cutie mark on her left flank.
“I know… thanks for cheering me up Kazooie. You’re a good friend, but you’re so stubborn. I will make good on my Pinkie Promise just you wait and see. If I can help a cranky old donkey, I can help you.” Pinkie slowly trotted over to Kazooie fatigued out of her mind from pulling so many stunts and they creamed all her clones in one amazing attack.
“Did you just compare me to an ass?” Looking hurt at the assumption that she had anything to do with being one Kazooie gave her best impression of being insulted while putting her left hoof to her chest.
“Maybe I did and maybe I didn’t.” Giggled out a slightly happier Pinkie Pie, she had actually won that battle and it was a hard won fight too. She was probably making her ancient ancestors gush with pride at her Pie family pie pitching prowess and successfully pulling off the secret technique, perfectly planting a pie over another ponies cutie mark.
“Ahem… excuse me, but who is going to clean up this mess?” Mayor Mare stated agitatedly with a glare.
Screwball and Nut Bat sauntered up to Kazooie and Pinkie, a certain look of understanding passed between all of them. Pinkie and Kazooie alone had caused more damage in destroying all the pinkie clones with that wave of pie crust and filling then even the clones did. That wave had covered a fourth of Ponyville in a rather sticky mess.
“Cheese it!” Kazooie shouted as she roughly grabbed Mr. Cold pot, Pinkie and Nut while dragging them all into a hug with Screwball. They disappeared in a bright flash of Screwball’s chaos control.
The mayor turned on the changelings that had been sitting there a moment ago and all that was left was four floating cheerleading outfits that slowly drifted to the ground as the changeling shaped dust clouds finally dissipated.
Chrysalis with her retreating changelings halted for a moment to stare at the one male cheerleading changeling still wearing his outfit with the two bubbles of pie filling on his chest. “You’re still wearing that?”
What? Did his queen think there was a problem with skirts? The changeling didn’t understand why his queen even had to ask as he really liked it, he just needed to wash out the pie crust and filling.
Mayor Mare Yorse Tooly just stood there; this wasn’t the first time Ponyville was in shambles… unfortunately this time the mess would be a lot harder to clean up.
Stumbling down the road five slightly battered ponies just looked on in horror at all the pie crust and filling taking up the entire area. Fluttershy walked away with only a hoof mark on her face, Rainbow had a black eye, Rarity’s body hair was all frizzy and slightly burnt, Applejack twisted one of her ankles which weren’t the fault of the pony that attacked them and Twilight was a twitching bundle of nerves with several bruises marking her body.
To come upon the pie mess and seeing no sign of the Pinkie clones, they all just sighed, separated and decided to head home.
When Fluttershy got to her home and opened the door she was disheartened to hear a certain voice again, not to mention seeing the pony that had attacked them again so soon.
“Hey Peebs mind if we stay the night?” Why wouldn’t Fluttershy immediately faint and flop in a boneless manner to the floor? “Oh good, we’ll just make ourselves at home.”