//------------------------------//
// Straight Talk 
// Story: Postgraduate Work 
// by FanOfMostEverything 
//------------------------------//

To the amateur alicorn watcher, Celestia was moving with her usual casual confidence. To one as practiced as her secretary Raven, several subtle tells hinted at the sun princess's anxiety. The little unconscious shifts of her wings, the slightly faster undulation of her mane and tail, the way her eyes darted about as she considered each possible outcome of the impending event, all were signs of far more nervousness than most would believe Celestia could ever feel.

Most, but not Raven. The unicorn's years of experience at Celestia's right hoof had replaced reflexive reverence with real respect. "Would you like to review anything one last time, Princess?"

The alicorn shook her head. "Thank you, but no. We all knew this day was coming. No sense putting it off any longer."

Her secretary swallowed the growing lump in her throat, but nodded. "As you wish, Princess."

Both entered the grand hall, which was crowded with a colorful cornucopia of press ponies. The massive room was, thanks to the pegasi, literally packed from floor to ceiling. The only empty space was behind a podium with the Diarchy's seal and a microphone, which Celestia approached, Raven at her side.

The reporters' murmurs rose like a sonic tide, but Celestia simply stood and waited for them to burn themselves out. Once the volume dropped enough that she could hear herself think, she began. "Good morning, stallions and gentlemares of the press. We will get to questions shortly, but before we do, I will address the elephant in the room. I have heard the whispers on the streets, and I have seen the editorials in your respective publications. We are here today first and foremost to discuss the newest princess of Equestria, and before we can do anything constructive, I must clear up some misconceptions.

"Time and again, I have seen and heard the same question being asked: why did I choose Twilight Sparkle? The answer is that I did not. She was chosen, yes, but by forces far greater than I. It is true that I instructed her to complete Starswirl the Bearded's Unfinished Spell, but I intended it as a final exam, a senior thesis. It would be the last, greatest test of her mastery of the magic of friendship, overcoming despair and the distortion of destiny itself through the bonds she and the other Bearers of Harmony have forged with one another.

"Instead, as she has done so many times before, Twilight exceeded my greatest expectations. Where I merely expected her to complete the spell and set things right, she instead proved her mastery of friendship and Harmony so great that the Elements themselves recognized her peerless achievements. Once she completed Starswirl's final work, she ascended, body and soul. I was there to witness and commemorate her transformation, but I did not instigate it. I am more proud of my student, neigh, my peer Twilight Sparkle than I could ever express."

Celestia's serene smile took on a more humble aspect. "Still, I was caught by surprise. Despite the best efforts of Canterlot's finest, many of you noticed the rushed nature of Princess Twilight's coronation. To answer the question most often raised by the fashion columns, it was I who designed the dresses she, my sister, and I wore for the ceremony." The alicorn chuckled. "Clearly, dressmaking is not among my talents." This prompted a few laughs from the mass of interviewers.

"Many of your questions are no doubt the same ones you had upon my sister's return from exile and madness and that your predecessors had when Mi Amore Cadenza was born. I will address them now: Twilight Sparkle's role in the Equestrian government and her royal holdings have yet to be determined, as she is currently determining what fundamental underpinning of the world is hers to command. As you may already know, a new division of the Royal Guard, tentatively named the Perigee Guard, has been formed for the protection of and from Princess Twilight as she masters her new abilities. Her parents were already made members of the nobility at the marriage of her brother Prince-Consort Shining Armor to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."

Celestia took a deep breath. "Now that that's all out of the way, is there anything else?"

Hooves shot up like a furry, multicolored forest. The princess called on one at random. "Pondering Perplexity, Deep Thought Weekly. Are there any other alicorns in potential that you are aware of? Pertaining to the last question, if there are any would you be willing to disclose their identities, and if so who are they?"

"It appears that everypony is an alicorn waiting to happen, at least in theory. In practice, the circumstances required for such an ascension are unclear, but given Princess Twilight's unprecedented nature, those circumstances are clearly extremely rare. I cannot predict who may next be receiving a crown, nor when, if ever. That said, I would be very surprised indeed if it happens any time in the next century."

"Skoonie Bard, Canterlot Review. Much of the nobility has reacted poorly towards Princess Twilight Sparkle's new position, claiming that you're slowly phasing them out of the government.  How do you respond?"

"A lesson I learned early in my rule is that no one pony can run a nation. Twilight's coronation will have a minimal effect on the underlying structure of the government. What role she will play is her decision to make, but if I know her, it will be the bureaucracy, not the nobility, that will see the greatest change, and for the better."

"Thunder Tempest, Fillydelphia Freelance News. How would you respond to those who say that the authority of your rule has been degraded by the rapid introduction of these three new alicorns? Also, where's the snack table?"

"I would agree." Celestia let the murmurs subside again before continuing. "That isn't a bad thing. Again, one pony cannot run a nation, not even when that one pony is me. More thrones mean that my authority is reduced to reasonable levels,  The last thing Equestria needs is the entire government running around like a headless chicken if I were to disappear suddenly.

"As for the snack table," and here she sighed, "there simply wasn't room. Believe me, I regret it just as much as you do."

"Seventh Son, Thaumaturgic Equestrian. It seems unreasonable to think that, for more than a thousand years, nopony had attempted to complete the lost spell of Starswirl the Bearded.  Why not Clover the Clever?  Isn't it true that you hid this spell, and why let it resurface now of all times?"

Celestia's rear hooves shifted a little behind the podium. "Starswirl's last journal was actually among my sister's personal effects, bequeathed to her in his will. As with all of her possessions that I was able to retrieve from the Everfree ruins, it was kept in one of the castle vaults until her return. Luna allowed me to send the journal to Twilight. I cannot speak for any efforts made by Clover the Clever, but Twilight Sparkle is one of the greatest arcane minds since."

"Meritless Hack, Trottingham Sun-Times-Enquirer, is there any truth to rumour of mass orgies taking place in the throne room late at night now that there are four alicorns? And in addition, are you actually instigating an alicorn breeding program to create a race of super-beings to wipe out the threats to Equestria?"

The entire hall fell silent, every jaw slack, every eye on Hack, who didn't seem to notice in the least. He just looked expectantly at the princess, pencil in mouth.

Celestia, however, kept her composure. This was hardly the first time somepony had tried to catch her off-guard. "No to both."

"Pondering again. You mentioned that Princess Sparkle's guard is partially for the protection of the public from her. What potential dangers are there, how can the guard aid, and should we be concerned?"

"Princess Twilight does not know her own magical strength, both because she has experienced a massive leap in her magical power and in that she does not yet know where her alicorn magic's specialty lies. As she becomes comfortable with her newfound power, her guards will help act as a buffer between her and potential stressors, like nosy journalists." Celestia winked. "No offense.

"As for concern, you should be no more concern by Twilight than you are by Luna or me." That got the murmuring going. Luna was still learning the distinction between "freedom of the press" and "high treason," and tended to default to the latter.

"Crazy Something, Theorists Periodical. Does this put you ahead of schedule on your plan for retirement? Are there any contingencies in place for the possibility of Princess Sparkle gaining control of the stars?"

"I have no plan for or intention to retire any time this millennium. You're not getting rid of me that easily. And Twilight and Luna have both confirmed that the stars remain solely under my sister's control."

"Thunder again. Given that Twilight was your student, do you not think that her eventual role in Equestria's government would be biased towards results that met with your approval?"

"It's certainly possible," Celestia ceded. "I will discuss the matter with her in the days to come."

Raven noted that that raised the possibility of a paradox: would Twilight try to avoid making Celestia happy in order to make her happy?

"Tinfoil Hat, Weekly Equestrian News. Does Princess Twilight Sparkle have access to the submarine that holds your mind control device? And while I have your attention, where are you keeping Bat Colt, and how well does he get along with members of the Night Guard?"

Celestia chuckled indulgently. "Now, Tinfoil, we both know the mind control device is in a shoebox in my sock drawer. And your brother is doing just fine, thank you for asking." She winked again, and the news corps added their laughter, Tinfoil Hat rather nervously.

Behind the podium, Celestia stamped the floor twice with a back hoof gently enough that it was inaudible under the mirth. She ducked her head so Raven could lean in and whisper, "Message received, Your Highness."

The princess nodded and adopted a mask of focused concern. "I'm afraid I must bring this portion of the press conference to a close. Any further questions regarding the nature of Princess Twilight and her introduction to the Diarchy can be submitted to the Royal Oversight Council through the usual channels. Now then..."

Twilight had always thought Sweet Apple Acres was beautiful. Now that she had earth pony senses, it almost took her breath away. The orchard practically sang from the careful care of the Apple family, each tree a member of the choir, the land itself a swelling orchestra of vitality. Twilight blinked back tears as she continued on, seeking one of the stewards that supplied this stunning splendor.

Applejack was, unsurprisingly, applebucking. Before, Twilight would need to perform a search pattern or ask another Apple for help finding her. Now, to her alicorn-level earth pony empathy, the farmer stood out among the trees like the conductor of the music, with legs for batons.

"Applejack!"

The orange mare looked to her side and smiled. "Twilight!" She trotted to her friend, but skidded to a halt a few body lengths away, her grin growing unsure. "Ah don't have t' bow or kneel or nothin', right?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "It's just a friendly visit, AJ. And even if it wasn't, you never have to bend a knee to me. Not you or any friend of mine."

Applejack's smile returned even wider as she gave a sigh of relief. "That's awful good t' hear, sugarcube. T' tell th' truth, Ah was kinda worried."

Twilight blinked. "Why?"

"Well, speakin' from experience, this kinda thing tries t' change a pony." Applejack returned to the tree, lining up her next kick. "Ponies thinkin' they're better'n folks who ain't as fancy, tellin' ya th' same..." She struck, sending a cascade of apples basketward. "Ah know yer better'n that, but that's mah head, not mah heart."

Magic enveloped the baskets, carrying them to a nearby cart. "I wouldn't have gotten where I am without you and the others," noted Twilight. "I'll never forget you all." She squirmed. "Besides, I'm still not entirely comfortable with this whole thing. All these ponies bowing and scraping to me, it just doesn't feel right. And there's just so much to learn..."

Applejack chuckled as she moved down the line. "Seems like that wouldn't be a downside fer you."

"I know!" Twilight drooped as she followed. "But this is all... slippery. How to say things without saying them. Which rhetorical traps work best on which species. What pretty lies work best for hiding the ugly truth. I've gone from learning about friendship to learning about politics, and I definitely prefer my old studies." She sighed. "But I have to do it."

"So what brings ya out here? Seems like y' ain't got time fer us Ponyville ponies."

Twilight frowned. "Never say that. You're the most important ponies in my life, and nothing can change that."

Applejack paused again. She gave the alicorn a sidelong glance. "Nothin'?"

"Nothing."

Applejack said nothing. Twilight could barely hear herself think over what the farmer didn't say. She shifted from hoof to hoof. "I mean it, AJ."

"Ah know y' do, Twilight. Ah really do." Buck tree. Get apples.

"I'd have come back earlier, but this was the first free moment I had." The alicorn sighed. "At least, that's what it feels like."

"What changed? Ah know yer a fast learner, but even you learnin' everythin' a princess needs t' know inside a week seems like a stretch."

"I came for two reasons. You know that place I ended up when you all thought I exploded?"

Applejack nodded. That had been quite the day. Getting her memories fixed, bringing back Sweet Apple Acres from a state of Pinkie-prompted putrefaction, accidentally blasting one of her best friends with a beam of Elemental honesty, witnessing that friend's return as an alicorn, hearing about her adventures in some kind of cosmic flashback zone... "Don't think Ah could ferget even if Ah wanted to."

"Well, Luna taught me how to go back whenever I want, and I figured out the time-scrying spell from Celestia using it. It's an incredible opportunity, but..." Twilight gulped. "But to make the most of it, I'd like your permission to look at your past." There. She said it. Words began tumbling out of her mouth. "I know it's an intrusion of your privacy, but I—"

Applejack raised a hoof. "Fine by me, Twilight. Ain't got nothin' t' hide from you. Not sure what bit o' mah life'd be interestin' enough to look back on, though."

Twilight beamed, relieved. Besides, now she had an excuse to exposit! "More than anything, the Rainboom incident, the one that got us all our cutie marks. That kind of synchronicity has to have some serious magical implications. But aside from that, you're really selling yourself short. You're practically the textbook example of everything earth pony magic can do."

Applejack blinked, then looked around to see if somepony else had walked in on the conversation. "Ah am?"

"Oh, definitely! Strength, endurance, botanical catalysis and empathy, and that's not even getting into the aleithiomancy!"

Applejack was only half-listening as she worked, but the peculiar word got her full attention. "Th' what now?"

Suddenly, there was an eager purple alicorn invading her personal space. "Honesty magic. Did you know that it's hard to even lie about you? It's actually more difficult for me to think of fictional scenarios that involve you than those that don't. It's a shame I haven't done much work with illusions; I'd love to see how they react in your presence. Oh, and—"

"Whoa, there!" Applejack cried, gently pushing her friend back. "Twi, Ah ain't th' best audience fer this kinda thing."

"Oh. Heh. Right." Twilight gave an awkward smile. "Sorry, I haven't had a chance to wax scholastic since Star Swirl's spell."

"Huh." The farmer put that in her mental apple cellar. Twilight Sparkle not studying and babbling about magic went against the natural order of things. "Now, y' said y' had two reasons fer comin' by. What's number two?"

Twilight sighed. "Apparently, every alicorn has a domain, some special, very important thing she manages. I need to find mine."

Applejack considered this for a tree. "Books?" she offered.

This got a roll of the eyes. "No, Applejack, I am not the sovereign of books."

The earth mare smirked. "Now how can you be sure o' that so dang quick?"

"I just know. It's an alicorn thing." Twilight really had considered it for a moment, but it rang false. "It's like... like trying to force a piece of a jigsaw puzzle where it doesn't belong. Except the pieces are all known concepts that aren't the sun, the moon, and love. And the puzzle is my soul."

"Like tryin' t' find a second cutie mark."

"That's a much better simile, yes."

A thought occurred. "Y' ain't told th' Crusaders 'bout this, have ya?"

Twilight shook her head. "No, and I don't plan to." She sighed. "Just one more thing to add to the to-do list. Never thought I'd resent one of those."

Applejack stopped herself midbuck. The shockwave still managed to dislodge a few apples. "Twi, lemme ask ya somethin'. When's th' last time y'got a chance t' jus' sit an' enjoy a nice book?"

"Not since before the coronation," came the longing answer. "It's just been one thing after another."

Applejack nodded. "Like Ah thought, then. Yer lettin' this get more outta control than a hog in a pantry."

"What should I do then!?" Twilight's wings sprang out in her agitation. "I think I'm doing pretty well for having accidentally overthrown the established political order, but please, if you have advice from your vast store of experience with courtly intrigue, by all means, share!"

Applejack weathered the rant like a rock in a storm. "Y' done?"

Twilight bowed her head. "Yeah."

"Feel any better?"

"Not much."

"Really want mah advice?"

Twilight looked back up, smiling a bit. "Always."

Applejack returned the grin. "Alrighty. Th' way Ah see it, y' ain't gonna find this fancy-pants domain o' yers if all this princessin' around's keepin' ya from bein' who y' are."

"'Princess' isn't a verb." Twilight bit her lip, but couldn't bite off the correction.

AJ chuckled it aside before her friend could apologize. "Twi, 'princess' is whatever y' say it is. Celestia princesses her way, Luna does it hers, an' Cadence don't do it th' same as either of 'em. Now, Ah'm guessin' yer tryin' t' be all three at once an' more b'sides. Am Ah right?" Twilight eventually nodded, and Applejack shook her head. "They're doin' a fine job o' bein' them. Y' gotta be you, or yer gonna go crazier 'n Rainbow Dash on cider day."

Twilight digested this as Applejack bucked the tree properly. "Uncommon sense."

The earth mare flicked an ear. "Say again?"

"Uncommon sense. Another expression of earth pony magic. It's like common sense, only more so. Very rare, sadly." Twilight sucked in air, brought a forehoof to her chest, and sent her stress out with her breath. "Thanks, Applejack. You've given me a lot to think about."

"Still got plenty o' trees t' buck, if y' wanna keep talkin'."

"No, I need to see everypony."

Applejack gave her a concerned look. "'Need'? Y' sure about that?"

Twilight nodded and grinned. "My way of princessing says so."

"Ha! Alrighty then. Go on."

"See you soon, AJ. Thanks again." Twilight made to nuzzle her friend.

Applejack shied back. "Ah wouldn' do that, Twi. Kinda sweaty here."

"Rarity's next. I might as well give her something to fix."

"Well, in that case." Applejack gave a positively evil grin moments before sweeping up Twilight in a bear hug.

"...This concludes Tape One of The Big Guy's Introduction to Positive Chaos. Please insert Tape Two after dealing with the guardsponies chasing after Twilight Sparkle."

Discord stopped the book-on-tape (narrated by himself, of course,) and adjusted his sunglasses. Sure enough, a trio of amethyst-armored pegasi were swooping towards his lounge chair. To be fair, said chair was rather conspicuous, positioned as it was about twenty feet above Fluttershy's cottage without so much as a cloud holding it up. He grinned as the guards hovered before him. "Well, if it isn't our brave boys in boysenberry. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

The lead stallion frowned at the draconequus, who expected nothing less. "Where is Dame Fluttershy?"

"Hmm? A moment, please." Discord allowed a bit of his awareness to wander off into the Everfree Forest to check on his first friend. "Ah. Approaching this meeting from millions of millimeters away, mounted on a massive monotreme. Should be here in two shakes of a lamb's tale, and what a tale it is. It was a dark and stormy night, and Johnny said to the captain, 'Captain, tell me a story.' And this is the story the captain told: It was a dark and stormy—"

"Are you quite finished?"

Discord frowned. He couldn't decide whether or not he liked the stallion's courage. "Well, the entire point of the gag is that it doesn't finish. If you'd let me, I could keep going until Fluttershy arrived. Shouldn't take more than a few dozen loops."

The guard snorted. "I don't suppose you would know where Her Highness the Princess Twilight Sparkle is?"

"I do, as a matter of fact." Discord rose from his sunbathing — which Celestia hated, as it always left a ring around the tub — and stretched his mismatched limbs, continuing to ignore gravity's insistence that surely he should have begun falling at some point. Maybe he'd listen if it stopped calling him Shirley. "You see, the purple pony princess is going on something of an impromptu royal tour of Ponyville. I believe that next on the itinerary are the holdings of the Mistress of Agriculture, Sovereign of the Bountiful Earth, Guardian of the Farmer, and Our Divine Lady of Honesty, Dame Jacqueline of House Apple."

"...Who?"

Discord considered his last sentence. "Oh, right, she hasn't actually been given most of those titles yet, has she? Sorry, this whole 'linear time' business is still something of a novelty for me." He pointed a bit to the side of how to get to Ponyville proper. "Sweet Apple Acres. About ten, twenty minutes as the you flies. And if a ewe flies, then either I've been having a bit of harmless fun, or your pet princess has."

"Why should we trust him?" asked one of the other pegasi.

"A valid question," Discord conceded. "I suppose you could always guard me. Never thought to make an army back when I ruled Equestria." With a thought and a flash, he was outfitted in an asymmetrical amalgam of armors that made gravity decide to give up and go bother something else. And good riddance. "How do you feel about the Ramshackle Guard? If anypony asks, we can say you were instrumental in the Siege of Tambelon."

"It's a choice between doubt and sanity," reasoned the commander. "I say we go with the option that leaves us fit to serve. Come on." With that, he flapped off, his cohorts at his heels.

Discord sighed and flounced back onto the folding chair as though it were a fainting couch. "Honestly, it's like they're expecting me to turn mustache-twirlingly evil at the drop of a hat. Like I can't get my fill of that in that 'Ten Halves Squared' timeline. Now where did I put Tape Two?"