"Spike!" Twilight yelled. "I need you to get me a a book from the bottom shelf since I am incapable of bending down or using my magic!"
There was a slight rustling from somewhere beyond the jimmies, and Spike emerged from the staircase. No, you read right. He walked out of the staircase. How? I don't fucking know, maybe it was magic or something.
Spike was dressed in a purple cape, wearing giant rubies on his teeth, and holding a large amount of hoes. Swinging the farming equipment perilously he stuttered in a drunk way, "Spike is no longer! There is only Spizzle the Swagon, grade A pimp!"
Twilight gasped in horror, and fainted. Recovering quickly, she looked at the book she was trying to get. Picking it off the shelf, she threw it down on the ground.
"Spike! I will save you from your unholy ways!" she shouted. "For I have... RELIGION!"
Looking down at the bible verse, she read aloud:
"And he said unto them, Take heed what ye hear: with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you: and unto you that hear shall more be given.
For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath.
—Mark 4:24-25"
Twilight closed the book, and looked up at Spike with teary eyes. "Now do you see why you can't be a pimp?"
Spike stared down at Twilight. "Bitch, I be jewish!"
Twilight laughed. "Don't be silly, Spike! The glorious Hitlercron eradicated all of the jews years ago!" As Twilight was laughing, she turned her head to her change jar. It sparkled of silver and gold, but not of copper. Her face dropped as the sudden realization hit her.
"It's true!" she shrieked. Grabbing the bible, she held it up above her head and screamed, "Yahweh! Save us from this jew!"
There was a bolt of lightening that split the heavens, shooting through the window and tearing a huge hole through Spike. It hit the center of Twilight's bible, which exploded, showing the library in flames. Since Twilight is a fucking idiot and never thought that a library inside of a treehouse would need fireproofing, the entire place was soon engulfed in flames.
Once the volunteer fire department showed up and put out the flames, they found Twilight laying under a burnt shelf. She turned her head weakly, staring at the rescue pony looking down at her, and smiled.
"It's okay..." she said with her dying breath. "The jew is dead."
And there was much rejoicing.