Our Girl Scootaloo

Part 3 of 3

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The meeting of the college Anarcho-Libertarian Party wasn't going well, but then, that was nothing unusual. Every week the group met to discuss the failings of various politicians, the unfairness of the current government -or government at all, argue over who loved Ayn Rand's work the most and how, given the chance, they would do things so much better. Of course, everyone seemed to have a different idea of what that meant. Most of those in attendance thought that most of the others were wrong, so the meetings were usually bad tempered affairs with lots of arguing and shouting, at least when they weren't complaining about the past week. It was fairly obvious that just about everyone there only tolerated their fellow anarcho-libertarians as slightly better than the 'mindless sheeple' who helped the state rob them of taxes and the girlfriends they obviously deserved and would have had in a fairer system.

While they sometimes wondered why they had to meet in this run-down lecture hall two blocks from campus, that was the space the student government had given them, and with bigger worries on their minds, they didn't think about it too much.

This particular night had begun discussing the evils of socialism, how the government was out to get them, and how everyone would just be better off in an anarchy with no rules or taxes. One of the new attendees had pointed out that anarchy doesn't last long, and that it usually devolves into a collection of small kings or warlords, but the assembled group of pimply college guys had assured him that all of them would get to be warlords in that scenario, so it would still be okay.

After a discussion of how unfair their various retail jobs were, and how helping customers was an imposition on their right to do as they pleased, a fight had developed between those who wanted to be paid more for said work, and those who thought the minimum wage should be abolished because socialism, that's why.

It was in the middle of this argument that the room had flashed a blindingly white, and Celestia had appeared on the stairs near the first few rows of desks up from the lecture podium. A quick look around showed her that the others hadn't arrived with her, and that she was in some sort of classroom. Adapting quickly, she pushed her worries aside and prepared to address the many questions this group of humans would have, hoping the sound of her voice wouldn't send them all running in terror.

It took a lot to startle Celestia, crown princess of Equestria but this did the job.

Into the continuing silence another student called out: “Yeah, a king is even worse than our government!”

“Call it what you want, its just another way for The Man to tell you what to do.”

“Whatever! I've got enough problems with our government without the man... horse woman... taxing me and telling me what to do!”

“Maybe so, but she has corporate backers too. She runs the government and if you toe the line she probably gives out tax breaks just like all the other corrupt politicians.”

“Whatever! She tells you what to do, and its just another imposition on our individual freedoms.”

By now, very confused, and rapidly becoming irritated, Celestia tried to get a word in edgewise hoping that a talking pony would get through to them.
“Good morning, I'm Princess Celestia, and I'm here to find someone.”

“Typical monarch, doesn't even know its night time.” Another responded gesturing to the daylight outside the window.

“Yeah, we have guns, so we have rights.” There was a short pause. “What is her policy on guns anyway?”

“Yeah, how are people supposed to kill looters when law and order fails? We need guns to defend our families!”

“And for when the black helicopters come from the UN! We have to have our guns to fight off the UN when they come to tax us!”

While Celestia didn't understand may of their terms, she had had enough dealings with the teenage children of the Canterlot Royals to know who she was dealing with. Her patience worn through, she used the Royal Canterlot Voice to cut through the noise.

“In the red brick house at the intersection of Smith and Baker street. Its like 5 blocks that way...ma'am.” A student replied, pointing east.

“Thank you.” And with that, she was out the door, and glad to be in the free air again after... whatever had just happened back there.

She hopped from roof to roof when she could, keeping out of sight and reading the street signs below. It didn't take long to find Baker street, and she soon followed it to Smith street and found the red brick house on the corner.
Careful to keep quiet, she glided down the ally between the buildings and looked in the windows one after another. She made out a kitchen, a living room, and...
“Ah, there you are, Scootaloo.”

She found the nursery on the third window of the second story, and inside was Scootaloo, alive and well and about three years old by the look of it. The little foal was napping in her bed wrapped up in a blanket and snuggling a cute stuffed lion. Celestia felt her heart warm at the sight, but if she had seen anything in these two worlds, it was that they were no place for a pony. She opened the window and taking a pen and paper from a high shelf, wrote a quick letter thanking the human who had cared for Scootaloo all these months. She knew it would be hard on them, but regardless of how she left, Scootaloo had to leave this place and go home. She pinned the note to the side of the bed, gathered up the little foal, her blanket, and her stuffed lion, and quietly shut the window. Lifting off into the sky with her the tiny bundle tucked at her side, she set off in search of the others so they could return home and leave this wretched world behind.

The flash of yellow light faded and as her eyes adjusted, Fluttershy found herself in a black field of oats. She looked around to ask where they were, only to find herself alone.

The field remained silent and dark. She could only see a few feet around her due to the height of the oats, and that afforded a good place to hide. Unfortunately it also meant that something else could be out here, stalking her, and she would never know, even if it was right behind her. She was afraid to go without her friends, but with who knew what waiting here in the field... There was a russle in the oats to her left and she let out a squeal and shot into the air, clearing the oats and getting her first good look around. Looking in the direction of the noise she made out the dim shape of some other four footed animal, several feet taller than her who stared back wide eyed.

At the sound of her voice, the figure whirled around and bounded away, its puffy white tail seeming to bounce and float away on its own long after the gray body of the creature had been lost from sight.

Fluttershy hovered over the field, wondering what else might be hiding there. Shaking herself, she resolved to find her friends and began climbing for a better look at this world. Eventually she made it high enough to see beyond what turned out to be a very large field of oats. To her left she could make out another field, a forest of trees to her right, and more or less ahead in the distance, she could see lights glowing around a cluster of buildings. After what Celestia had told them about the humans of this world, she wasn't sure she wanted to meet them, especially all alone, but the only human she had met so far had been a good person...

As she got closer, she made out fields and feed troughs on the ground below and landed to get a better look. The fields looked a bit like home, and as she looked into the trough, she found it full of a mix of grain and pellets, which after a few mouthfuls, she decided was surprisingly good.

“There must be somepony else around here... Maybe I can find whoever mixed this up...”

She took off again, continuing towards a large rectangular building with light glowing from inside. She circled once and found a door that had been left open a crack, so she landed quietly and peeked inside.

Despite the metal walls, the building was apparently a barn, and at least fifty cows were milling around inside, or standing at a number of... stalls of some kind. A walkway ran down the center of the building flanked by the metal bared stalls on both sides with the rest of the cows lounging along the walls. Fluttershy walked half the length of the long room taking it all in and trying not to attract attention, but finally, she worked up the courage and approached one of the cows in a nearby stall.

“I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but have you seen any other ponies around here tonight?”

The cow didn't seem to notice her, and slowly shifted her weight while still chewing. This caused the suction pump attached to her utter to rattle and clank against itself as the cow shifted again to get more comfortable.

She backed up into a stall on the opposite side of the aisle and spun around in time to see another cow walking toward her.

The cow continued forward into the stall and stood still with out any sign of having heard her. While she watched, a metal arm with suction cups on it swung out and attached itself to the cows udder and began pumping.

“Oh my!” She stepped back, but again no one seemed to take any notice of her. After a few more attempts at communication it started to sink in.
'They may look like the cows I know, but these poor creatures can't really think, let alone speak...'

Being alone in this strange place surrounded by... animals... that looked like this was unsettling to say the least. It took a few minutes for her to start thinking of them like her forest friends instead of the talking cows they appeared to be.
As she watched the herd, she realized that they were not all cows; scattered here and there she saw very young calves prancing and running about or sleeping next to their mothers; None could be more than a week or two old. She called out to one of the larger calves with a big white spot on his side who was prancing by, and he came over to look at her. Up close she could see that these cows bore only a superficial resemblance to her friends back at Sweet Apple Acres. The little one in front of her was obviously playful, but his face was subtly different from what she was used to, and there was no light of intelligence behind his eyes.

'Tom' continued to stare at her, then abruptly turned and went bounding off to the other side of the building. He found another calf and the two chased each other in circles for a few moments before running back to their mothers.

The bang of a metal door made her jump most of the way to the ceiling, and looking back the way she had come she heard voices around the corner coming towards her. With a quick glance around she saw the metal trusses holding up the triangular roof above and ducked behind one of them, hiding as best she could. It wasn't much for cover, but as the two humans came into view neither one looked up.
They looked like the same kind of... person... who had taken care of Rainbow Dash, though these two wore farm clothes and sounded a bit more like Applejack. As she watched and tried to work up the courage to say hello the two started gesturing at the calves.
“We got any old enough tonight?”

“Yeah, I think the one with the big spot over there is ready. He was eatin' from the trough like the adults yesterday.”

As she watched, the two worked together and got the laso around Tom's neck and pulled him out of the pen. He bucked and bayed, but the two soon pulled him down the main aisle and through a door into the next section of the building marked with a bland sign that read simply;

“Poor tom! They didn't have to be so rough with him.” She wondered now if she should introduce herself to these ruffians, but after a moment she hopped from beam to beam and over the dividing wall into the next section of the building.

The smell nearly overcame her as landed on the next beam over the wall. It was like the stench of the worlds largest un-flushed toilet, and as she hung onto an upright to steady herself, she looked down and gasped.

Cages stacked on top of each other. With mounting horror she realized that each tiny cage held a calf, and not one could be even six months old. The cages were so small that the calves couldn't even stand up, let a lone turn around, and she realized with a shock where the smell was coming from. These poor calves must have been locked up for days, weeks without even a bathroom break, and as she looked at the cages stacked on top of each other, she saw that there was a calf in each one, and that they had fared no better. Her mind reeled and she tried to hang on to the roof truss in front of her and not throw up from the smell.

Looking down she saw Tom crammed into a tiny cage just like the rest, but unlike the others who seemed silent and broken, Tom was thrashing against the metal bars and bawling for his mother.

Fluttershy was horrified, but seeing Tom like this she felt the fires of rage begin to grow. 'How could anypony be so cruel, so heartless to these defenseless children!'
She was dimly aware of the two men opening a cage at the side of the room and dragging the calf out and over to a white corner of the room equipped with a shower. Seeing them treat the poor thing like this, she was actually shaking with rage. 'The poor thing has been caged so long he can't even stand up! I'm going to -'

The gunshot echoed through building and the white walls were suddenly stained red. Fluttershy just stared, frozen in horror at what had just happened. She winced as the two humans speared the calve’s body with a huge metal hook and lifted it off the ground.

They continued to talk as though nothing was at all out of the ordinary. Moments later, the knives came out, and Fluttershy curled up on the beam, squinting her eyes shut as any trace of rage drained out of her, replaced by stark terror. The cutting noises continued as the two discussed something called a TV show, and she tried not to fall off the beam.

When the bone saws came out with their electric scream, she wet herself in terror and clung shaking to the beam just willing it all to stop. No one noticed anything in the overpowering stench of the room, and in the opposite corner, Tom bayed plaintively for his mother.

Back in the bar on the main street of town, the two ponies were having very different reactions to the same situation. The club was poorly lit with booming music thumping though the very floor boards and brightly colored lights flashing and strobing everywhere. Twilight had immediately tried to cover her ears so Rachel had led her to a table in the back where it was quiet enough to speak without shouting. Pinkie had taken one look, squealed with delight and disappeared into the crowd. Every so often she would pop up or run by, but it had been a few minutes now and Twilight had lost track of her.

It had taken Twilight a surprisingly short time to recover from her run-in with human filmmaking, especially after the girls of the Sorority had introduced her to something called a ‘long island iced tea’.

“And you say the reason I’m feeling like this is because of alcohol?” Twilight asked Joyce and Rachel who had taken seats on either side of her.

“Yup. This is a strong drink, so you should take it slow. They must have alcohol in Equestria, right? I mean, it’s one of the reasons we have a civilization today!”

“We use a different name, but from what you’ve told me I believe it is the same thing.” She frowned. “It’s not very popular though, most ponies prefer a type of plant that… makes you feel good when you add it baked goods. Sugar cube corner has a selection of delicacies that feature it.”

Joyce and Rachel both shared a significant look, then Rachel shrugged as Joyce muttered: “Pinkie. I should have known.”

“But why does this taste like burning?” Twilight asked as she levitated the glass and stared into its depths.

Joyce shook her head to clear it. “Alcohol is sometimes used as a disinfectant to kill germs. I know Rachel said this is a strong drink, but this is only, what, twenty percent?” Joyce turned and walked to the bar returning with two tiny glasses, too small even for a foal.

“I asked for shots of one hundred and ninety proof, that’s ninety five percent pure alcohol.” She pushed a shot glass over to Twilight with a knowing grin. “Drink it if you dare.”

“Joyce, that’s not nice!” Rachel admonished as Twilight examined the tiny glass.

“Probably? It will be too strong for you to handle and you won’t be able to drink nearly that much.” Rachel added as she fixed Joyce with a disapproving look.

At this point their conversation was interrupted by a commotion across the room. Rachel could make out a pair of pink hooves sticking up in the air as the crowd chanted.

“Crap. You two wait here, I’m going to go make sure she doesn’t hurt herself. Or anyone else.” Rachel said as she hurriedly got to her feet.

“Nether have I, and I don’t want to either.” She added as she scurried off.

Joyce shook herself and looked back to Twilight. “She’ll be fine. Now how about that drink?”

“I guess I can… It certainly couldn’t be hard to drink such a tiny amount…”

“Good girl, just knock it back all at once like this.” Joyce downed her own glass with her right hand as she fished in her pocket with her left.

Twilight regarded the doll sized glass, shrugged, and downed the contents as Joyce had showed her.

A second later her eyes shot open and she sprayed the contents of the glass across the table upon which Joyce had placed the lighter she took from her pocket.
The fireball was a good 4 feet across and Twilight choked and gasped as the entire bar applauded loud enough to drown out the music.

“Oh yeah! But only the really good stuff. That long island iced tea you’re nursing? Weak socks. It's more water than booze.”

“That is so neat! Did spike teach you how to do that? Does this mean you can send letters to the princess on your own now? That would be great because now you could send her letters at night!”

“Uhh… Pinkie, are you feeling okay?” Joyice asked, and Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “Uh… how much have you had to drink tonight?”

“Oh, lots and lots! All these ponies, I mean humans, just keep giving me these cool party drinks! I started with something called a pint, then two more, then a ‘three wise men’, then -”
The list went on for some time as Joyce’s eyes grew wider.
“- and then they helped me stand on something called a keg and drink a few pints upside down! It was -” Her face twitched and she let out an incredible rumbling belch that lasted a good 5 seconds. “Oh! Excuse me.”

Joyce regarded Pinkie with a worried look. “How are you still standing up after all that??”

“Oh, I’m fine.” She smiled innocently. “About half of what they gave me was part of a ‘drinking contest’, but that was silly. The other guy actually fell asleep he was so bored. Slid out of his chair and everything, they had to take him home for a nap.”

Joyce and Twilight both stared at her as she bounced up and down in place as though this was perfectly normal.

At this point Rachel finally caught up with her-self appointed charge. “Pinky, I need you to blow into this.” She said producing a breathalyzer she had borrowed from the bar tender.

“Okay!” Pinkie grabbed the device and blew into it until it beeped and displayed a number which Rachel read out loud.

Pinkie seemed unconcerned, and fixed a party noise maker over the end of the breathalyzer before blowing into it again producing a loud toot.

“She’s not even a little drunk! How is that possible?” Rachel asked Joyce.

“How should I know? I thought Scootaloo handled alcohol about the same way we do. Maybe Pinkie is just special?”

“Awww, I think you guys are special too.” She said as she scooped Joyce and Rachel up in a group hug that strained their ribs. “Thank you both for showing me this cool party!”

Joyce and Rachel both sat down hard with startled expressions as Pinkie let go of them.
“Hey, I’m going to go learn more about this party! I think I’ll start with the DJ!” With that she turned and disappeared into the crowd once more.

Now it was Twilight’s turn to look a bit smug as the two shocked Sorority sisters tried to make sense of Pinkie.

“Well, she doesn’t seem to be in any danger from the booze.” Joyce managed.

Rachel looked around at the increasingly dense crowd. “Maybe not, but have you checked your phone? This club is lighting up and people are coming here from all over town to party with Pinkie Pie. I don’t know how many more people are going to fit in here...”

About five minutes later the police arrived to shut down the club. As they ushered everyone out, Pinkie could be seen talking with the captain.

“But why do you have to shut down the party!? That's not very nice of you.” She added giving him a stern look.

The bewildered police captain had not expected anything like this, and decided to act as though the bright pink pony honestly didn't know any better.
“Well, Ms...?”

“Well Ms Pie, we aren't here to stop the party, but we are here to get everyone out of the building. By the fire code, that building can only hold one hundred and fifty people.”

“Have you ever seen a stampede? Because that's what can happen if a fire were to break out in there. We enforce there rules to keep everyone safe.”

Pinkie looked thoughtful and put a hoof under her chin. “So, if we find a bigger building, we can have a bigger party?”

The captain nodded as Pinkie surveyed the surrounding landscape, her eyes soon settling on a large frat house several blocks away and up the hill where a party was already in progress. “What about that building?”

The captain shook his head. “That's between you and them. Just try not to get too out of control okay? We don't like stopping the party any more than you do.”

Rachel, Joyce and Twilight had kept together, though they had lost track of Pinkie again, that is until they heard her shout over the crowd. “Hey everypony! Who wants to party?”

There was an enthusiastic yell, and not just from the original party guests as passers by on the street joined in.

Rachel, Joyce and Twilight all stood and watched in disbelief as the crowd of more than two hundred people followed the pink pony off towards the frat's house party.

“Before she fills up that four story frat house?” Joyce answered. “I'd give it an hour or two tops.”

Rachel looked back to Twilight who had taken on that knowing grin she sometimes got. “Twilight? How long does a Pinkie party normally last?”

“Oh, I wouldn't expect it to end before sunrise. It's been a while since I've seen here that excited.” She added with a grin.

They continued to stand on sidewalk as the crowd moved off and more people followed. After a minute Rachel asked. “So are we planning to join them? I can party hard, but I don't know if I could go till dawn...”

Even Joyce looked a bit out of her depth. “Yeah. I'm big enough to admit when I've been bested.”

The sound of squealing tires made them all look up in time to see a 1957 Chevy convertible go roaring past with the top down. The car was packed with three women, and Rarity occupied the passenger seat, her main streaming out behind her in the wind as she talked animatedly with the others. Twilight caught part of a sentence as they flashed by: “whole store of makeup?! That sounds-”

“Well, it looks like you shouldn't have any trouble fitting in.” Joyce commented as the car dwindled into the distance. Twilight nodded, a dazed look on her face.

“This has got to be a lot to take in all at once.” Rachel spoke up “Tell you what; the university library is open twenty four hours; what do you say we stop in there for a few hours and show you around?”

Rachel smiled. “Our university is a bit old fashioned, so we still have a substantial selection of paper books. You will have to make a hard choice though.”

Rachel was grinning widely. “Well, you see our university library is made up of more than 4 different main buildings, each of them several stories high. The best place to start could be the main library building, ten floors high, which features biology, chemistry, literature, history, anthropology and art.”

Twilight was beaming, but before she could even nod, Rachel continued. “Or we could go to the engineering library on the other end of campus. Its eight stories high and contains physics and math texts as well as civil, mechanical, electrical, industrial and aerospace engineering. Those are what we use instead of magic in our world.”

Twilight bit her lower lip and pranced from hoof to hoof, torn between two great choices as she tried to make up her mind.

Our Girl Scootaloo 3 of 3

by Cozy Mark IV

Ch 3.3 The Good the Bad and the Party!