//------------------------------// // Chapter 13: August 18-19, Active Exploits // Story: Yet Another Human In Equestria Story // by Bardic_Knowledge //------------------------------// Yet Another Human in Equestria Story By: Bardic Knowledge Chapter 13: August 18-19, Active Exploits Two days after my uselessness-derived depression began, Trixie had me on a train to Hoofington. The day before, Pinkie had tried to throw me a cheering-up party, but I just channelled Grumpy Cat and she went away. I'm writing this long after these events have taken place. I'm allowed to be flippant about being depressed. And I did apologize later. Anyways, I spent the majority of the train ride staring out the window and sighing every ten minutes (Trixie counted). When we reached Hoofington, Trixie levitated our luggage out the train and I sullenly followed along. After a couple minutes of walking, we came to a house that, really, looked like every other house in town, and actually kind of reminded me of some of the older houses in Ionia. Trixie rapped on the door and a couple moments later, it opened, revealing a light green (but not as light as Lyra) unicorn stallion. He had on thick glasses and his cutie mark was a grouping of golden stars or sparkles or something like that. “Trixie! It's been so long, how's show business been for you?” he greeted her with a big hug, then grabbed the luggage in his own gold-green magic. “And whose this interesting guy?” “Dad, I'd like you to meet my friend, Joe. He's from an alternate reality.” I quirked an eyebrow at Trixie's minimalist introduction, then blinked when I realized what else she had said. “So, this is your dad?” I said, quietly. I hadn't said much over the past couple days, but I wasn't normally talkative anyways. “Right. His name is Special Effect. My mom's name is Rising Star. They met in Los Pegasus while he was pitching a movie about the difficulty of making it in show business.” “Yeah, Executive Meddling didn't go for it, though,” he added with a sad smile. “That sounds... Vaguely familiar...” I was then introduced to Trixie's mom, who was a peach coloured earth pony with light pink hair and the drama masks under a star for a cutie mark. But what caught my attention was her necklace. It was a small heart glowing lightly. “Sweet heart of darkness. Your parents are pony versions of Mike Jittlov and Cindy!” “Who?” They all asked. “Mike Jittlov is/was a special effects artist who wrote a movie about how hard it is to get a movie made, with the subject movie being the movie you were watching. Cindy was the name of the female lead, though I never really tried to remember the name of the actress. And the movie, my favourite movie of all time, was called 'The Wizard of Speed and Time.'” They looked at me and smiled, Special Effect saying, “So, how'd the movie go?” Trixie was right, I thought, starting to talk about the movie. Maybe I really did need to get out of Ponyville for a while... At about supper time I was feeling pensive again. It wasn't near as bad as yesterday or this afternoon, but I still didn't feel up to going back just yet. I ate silently and quickly, before thanking Rising Star for the meal and leaving the table. “And here I thought you were feeling better,” Trixie said, meeting me in the backyard. I was looking up at the stars again. “I am, actually. But, when we get back, I'm going to just have the same issues eventually crop up. Diamond Dogs are probably really tough, so I'd have issues with Dog and Pony Show. As much as I don't want to, Party of One is an important lesson when Pinkie goes a little mad. I have little doubt the as-yet-unformed Cutie Mark Crusaders will badger me about their cutie marks, which I won't be allowed to tell them. I might be able to do something with the Parasprites thing when it happens, but I'm not sure on that point.” I didn't notice it at the time, but Trixie flinched when I mentioned Parasprites. “And then both the cockatrice and Owloyscious events involve dangerous creatures and my presence could change things for the worse.” “You've really been thinking about this.” “Thinking is what I do. At the very least, when we get past Lesson Zero I'll be able to take a more active role in things, but I don't know when that's going to happen. Things are happening out of episode order and there doesn't seem to be a specific timing for everything. I mean, the Pinkie Sense thing happened almost immediately after Applebuck Season, and almost nothing seemed to happen between when you arrived and the Poison Joke incident.” “Maybe, we could stay in Hoofington until you get word that this 'Lesson Zero' has passed?” I smiled and shook my head. “I don't think so, Trix. Aside from my house being there, and I was named Royal Liaison to Ponyville specifically, you have a job of your own at Berry's Bar, and I doubt she'd take it too kindly if you just up and quit for no reason. And... I'd miss everyone else. I've already had to leave my human best friends behind, and I wouldn't want to leave my pony best friends so soon after.” “Oh, so I'm not one of your-” “Sorry, I till have difficulty with tact sometimes. Of course you're one of my PFFs.” There was silence for a few moments. “Your what?” “Pony Friend Forever. Applejack comes up with it at the end of Season Two.” I sighed again. “And we're not even half-way through Season One. I've been keeping track.” I pulled out a notebook, which had all the episodes written on it, either by name or main event. The ones that had happened had a date by them. “Well then, as one of your PFFs, I'll help you through this. Okay?” Trixie lay a hoof on my hand and smiled softly. I smiled back, and we spent the rest of the night watching the stars and chatting about some of the post-LZ events, since we'd be able to do something about those when they finally happened. It was nice to have somepony to talk to about the future like that. Waking up the next day, Trixie and I came down from upstairs (I had to crouch quite a bit on the way down, which was going to prove to be painful eventually) to find Special Effect had left for his job at the Hoofington Community Theatre and Rising Star making lunch. As I sat down at the table, a thought occurred to me. “I didn't think of this at first because everypony in Ponyville is already used to me, but... Why were your parents not surprised by my appearance?” Rising Star answered my question instead, “Ever since she settled down in Ponyville, she's been writing us about her life there. And you take up at least half of each letter. It's definitely an improvement over the lack of communication from when she was on the road.” I froze. That's a familiar-sounding Trope, even if I don't know the TV Tropes name for it. It was a Trope most commonly used in Harry Potter stories for whomever the main pairing with Harry was, particularly Hermione-based fics. I resolved to wait until Trixie and I were alone again before I brought it up, no need to embarrass her in front of her mom. “That would explain the lack of traditional Pony fare,” I commented instead. Trixie looked at me quizzically for my brief freeze-up. “Trixie wrote to us that you two were coming by on Monday, so SF and I bought some extra food that you could eat. It's also why you two were undisturbed this morning.” “Thank you.” After a quick breakfast/lunch, Trixie took me out to show me around her home town. It vaguely reminded me of places I'd seen on Top Gear (the proper one, not that idiotic US rip-off) and Doctor Who. In other words, very British. “Trix... Before we get too far into exploring, I think we need to talk.” Huh. Wasn't that a reversal. “What about?” She asked cautiously. “In my reading experience, there's only two real reasons for someone to constantly write about one subject. Especially when that one subject is a person.” She leaned back, one hoof off the ground. “I see you get my meaning, and I'm sorry, but-” “You aren't into ponies. I remember,” she mumbled. “Right.” I scratched the back of my neck in that stereotypical anime way. “I'm sorry.” “I hope it won't make things awkward between us.” “So do I.” “Then...?” There was an awkward silence. “So! You were going to show me where your dad works!” “R-right. Right this way.” We continued on in silence, only broken by an awkward attempt at breaking the silence that usually ended in failure. The HCT was a decent-sized building, with pony-sized seating for about three hundred. There was a dress rehearsal on for a play I didn't recognize (Maybe I should look into books from places other than Golden Oaks Library?), and the scene in question involved two armoured ponies, one pegasus and one unicorn, duelling with what appeared to be actual swords. I guessed that the thunderstorm on stage was being produced by Special Effect just off-stage. “Is your mom not in this play?” I asked. “She auditioned, but none of the main parts fit her. She's just a background character for this production, mainly in the first act. She's usually in every other play they put on here.” “Are those swords real?” “Yes. They're forged by the local smith, Black Heart, just down the road from here.” “Fascinating. I actually knew a blacksmith in the S.C.A. with the name Black Heart. I can never remember his mundane name, though...” I cocked my head in thought, but before I could say anything further, the director (I presumed) called a cut and used one of those clapper boards to interrupt the scene. My brain took a bizarre curve in thinking, as it is wont to do, and I had a sudden idea. “Lightning has just truck my brain.” “What? When?” “No, you screwed up the line, you're supposed to say 'that must've hurt...'” I trailed off at Trixie's confused look. “Anyways, that clapper board dealy just made me realize a way for me to have adventures without real consequence!” “What do you mean?” “What do you know of Role Playing Games?” She blushed. “Not that kind. I mean pen and paper, or quill and parchment, I suppose, wherein players take up personae of people of their own creation to adventure in a world that exists almost entirely in their own imagination?” “Well, that about sums up my knowledge right there.” “I was reminded of a RPG, that's an initialism, by the by, whose symbol is that very clapper board thingy-” “It is actually called a clap board.” “Huh. Interesting. Anyways, it's called Active Exploits, and its a completely diceless Role-Playing system that I can use to play potentially exciting adventures that don't endanger anyone and can easily alleviate my boredom. Well, when everyone has time to play, that is.” “And I'm guessing you'll need that memory spell?” “Yes! But it can wait for a while longer. I think it might be prudent for me to be armed.” “You already have two.” I looked at Trixie with half-lidded eyes. “I'm hoping that was just a joke.” She rolled her eyes. “It was. Sorry for trying to be funny at my own expense.” “Well, it's certainly an improvement over being maliciously funny at someone else's expense. Regardless, I think I should pay this world's Black Heart a visit and see about getting a longsword and a heater shield crafted for me. That way, I have a weapon I can use if I need to.” “And you won't be completely useless if a monster comes along.” “Ha, ha. Very funny. To the blacksmith!” Trixie nodded and we left the building, though I intended to come back to take a look at the script. It looked interesting. As I expected, the cutie mark of the blacksmith was the same as the crest of the Black Heart from Earth: a black heart over an anvil. Simple, but descriptive, like most cutie marks. Fortunately, I had enough on me to buy a functional sword and shield with a sheath made of special reinforced cloth (which made sense, considering the sapience of cows). The two would take a few days to forge properly, so they would be delivered to my house when they were finished. There wasn't much left to do in our tour, as Hoofington was a fairly small town, so Trixie and I returned to the theatre for to watch the rest of the dress rehearsal and ask the director for a copy of the script. He stared at me for a moment before sliding a script over to me. The play's name was “Born of the Gods” and it dealt with a war between the children of some ancient pony deities. There was also some romance involved, which made things slightly awkward between me and Trixie. Celestia and Luna were not actually considered deities, by the way. Just powerful Royals Who Actually Do Something. I didn't pay much attention to the current religion of Equestria, but it was polytheistic (multiple gods).When we got back to her family home, she grabbed her mom and they retreated upstairs, presumably to talk about our conversation in town. Acceding to her unspoken request, I remained downstair, pulling some parchment out of my coat pocket, sitting down at the kitchen table. I twirled my quill as I contemplated what to say. Dear Princess Celestia, I know this seems early, but that's because it isn't a Ponyville Progress report. I'll be sending that along Friday as usual. This is more along the lines of a Friendship Report. I had a... I suppose you could call it a crises of faith or something like that. I have all this future knowledge that would become useless if I actively used it to interfere. Not to mention some of the potentially dangerous situations that can pop up (I don't know if Twilight mentioned it, but there was some very real danger from a hydra that lives in Froggy Bottom Bog in the most recent “episode”), and that selfsame interference could turn those instances lethal. This realization and dilemma paralyzed me with depression and indecision for a couple days. I suppose it doesn't help that I found these incidents to be the only excitement in Ponyville. But, thankfully, I have a good friend in Trixie (though she admits she got advice from Pinkie). I'm writing this letter in the kitchen of her parent's home in Hoofington, where I've had some inspiration on something called Role Playing Games as a way to have safe adventures with ponies that can alleviate my unfortunate boredom, and maybe use the games to (eventually) give Twilight some extra friendship lessons. The lesson itself? Amusingly, it sounds like a song from Earth: I can get by With a Little Help From My Friends. Though I imagine divination is more Luna's domain than yours, I am curious as to how you deal with having more knowledge than the average pony. Thank you for your time. Your Liaison, Joseph Glenn McCord I looked the letter over a couple times before pulling the jar of fire from another coat pocket and stuck the letter in. While waiting for a reply, I pulled out the script and started reading it from the opening scene. I had made it to the second act when the reply materialized from the jar of smokeless green fire. Trixie and her mom had come down and left for town. Dear Joe, I appreciate that even someone who knows the lessons Twilight has yet to learn can themselves learn something of friendship. And, no, Twilight did no mention the hydra. I will have a word with a squad of royal guards about potentially relocating it. When it comes down to it, I have my own issues with what I can know that others cannot. You said the day we met that you knew of my plans for Starswirl's Journal. I'm guessing what that means instead is that you know of my plans for Twilight. I paused in my reading and looked around. I might want to continue this letter somewhere more private, even if nopony is currently home. After settling into the bathroom, I continued. Twilight has a potential I have only seen in four ponies in my long life: My sister, Princess Cadence, myself, and Starswirl. And that potential is the potential to become an Alicorn. That she also happened to be the new Element of Magic was a happy coincidence I discovered after I had tutored her for a few years. I care for all of my subjects, pony and non, and it always pains me when I must do something that may hurt them. But I take solace in the fact that they are securing the happiness of future ponies. This perspective might be difficult for you, being so much younger than myself, but some lessons have to be taught through experience rather than simply explained. Actually, I had heard the same thing from Granny Smith not even a week ago. It even sounded like a common school work refrain: If someone hands you the answer, you didn't really learn anything. Or give a man a fish and all that. As I said before, I care for all my subjects, but I do care for some of them more than others. And I care for Twilight as if she were one of my own dear children. I am never pleased to hear when she's in danger, and I have some trepidations as to some of the future events you have detailed to me. Your assurances that everything will turn out alright in the end have helped as well, and I have faith in you. Use your own judgement to decide on whether a change could be a bad thing, or if it could change things for the better. I may be interested in these games myself. Let me know when your next book comes out, as Luna and I quite enjoyed the other two. With love, Princess Celestia P.S.: Luna is feeling well enough that she isn't exhausted after beginning her night. Perhaps one night soon you could write a letter to her? I'll deliver it when it arrives. I smiled softly. I could feel motherly warmth radiate from the last paragraphs of the letter. That leaves me with only one “dilemma” when I get back to Ponyville: What to do about Trixie's feelings. How'd she even fall for a boring alien like me, anyways?