//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: To Love a Mailpony // by Real_SilentPony //------------------------------// Caramel paced back and forth in SugarCube Corner, his mind racing. He felt foolish; out of his element. He wasn’t a mare’s stallion. He was Caramel, the Apple farmer who couldn’t farm. He had never been on a date in his life. What had he been thinking asking Ditzy Doo out? He had been so caught up in the moment. So enthralled with her golden-amber eyes. He had just blurted it out; he had stumbled over the words of course, but he had never thought them out. He had spent so much time around Ditzy that this sudden shyness seemed ridiculous. Caramel glanced out the frosted window of SugarCube Corner. The winter flurries had calmed down as the afternoon sun rose. A few ponies were out and about. Caramel saw LumberJack and his son LumberJimmy pulling carts full of fresh wood planks. His cousin, Big Macintosh, was having a new barn built on Sweet Apple Acres for next season’s harvest. If the spring planting went well, and Caramel kept his nose out of it, then it would be the largest harvest in the farm’s history. Caramel was suddenly very glad for his job at the mail office. He was sure Big Macintosh would ask him to help build the barn, and he was sure he’d mess something up. It was his lot in life. His burden so to speak. The only other pony who understood, who shared his forgetful nature was Ditzy Doo. She was an angel; so sweet, so caring and forgiving. Caramel had lost count of the errors in shipping reports or mail filing he had made that Ditzy had been so eager to help fix. She was everything he would ever want in a mare. When Ditzy had been so upset at Nightmare Night, it was as if Caramel had a Celestia-given purpose. He had not rested until his friend was back at the party, enjoying herself. The two had been completely unaware that Princess Luna had ever showed up. They had just danced. It had almost been magical. He had wanted to kiss her that day, but he had lost his nerve. Something suddenly caught Caramel’s eye. Three fillies were running back and forth, going it seemed to random houses. Caramel squinted; he knew those fillies. Well at least one. Lil cousin AppleBloom. And he guessed the other two were the other members of the infamous Cutie Mark Crusaders. Caramel shuddered; he had learned long ago to never get involved with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Last time he had helped AppleBloom and her friends his mane had been dyed a vibrant yellow for two weeks. An incident that his cousins still teased him about, in good nature of course. His eyes were drawn to the three little ones. He wanted a foal of his own one day. He wanted to be a good father. His thoughts drifted back to Ditzy Doo. What if he said the wrong thing? What if he acted like a fool? Caramel kept his head pointed towards the tile floor, unaware of the pink pony marching in lock-step next to him. When he turned, she turned, when he stopped, she stopped; her actions mirrored his exactly. Whereas Caramel was deep in thought, the baker, Pinky Pie, only looked like she was deep in thought. Truth be told, she was just mirroring Caramel. It was fun. A sinking feeling crept into Caramel’s stomach and he glanced up slightly. His eyes instantly found by a pair of sky-blue eyes and a toothy smile. “Hi!” Pinkie chirped loudly and Caramel fell back, surprised. “Gah!” He said, “Don’t do that!” The baker ignored his protest and leaned her head closer. “Whatcha’ thinking about?” She asked. “I…uh…no…nothin’.” He managed. The pink pony only narrowed her eyes and leaned closer. She obviously didn’t believe him. She inched closer and closer and closer. “Ok ok.” Caramel finally said and the baker backed off instantly. “I…can ya’ll keep a secret?” “Sure I can!” Pinkie exclaimed, “This one time Fluttershy told me about this crush she has on a colt here in town, and I’ve kept it a secret ever since.” “Who was the colt?” Caramel asked. He knew Big Macintosh had a thing for the shy Pegasus. Perhaps he could play match maker, or at least let Big Mac know who the competition was. “I’m not going to say, silly! Then it wouldn’t be a secret!” Pinkie Pie replied. “Oh ok…then can ya’ll keep one more secret?” Caramel asked. “Unhuh unhuh.” Pinkie nodded her head eagerly. “Ok…” Caramel took a deep breath, “I’m in love with Ditzy Doo.” Pinkie gasped and covered her mouth with her hooves. Caramel was sure the hyper baker was about to explode. The farmer took a step back. Pinkie waved her hands around as if gripped by a seizure before swallowing hard. It seems like all her energy and excitement was swallowed to and she calmed down. Still, she hopped slightly, her hooves never going higher than an inch or so off the floor. Caramel had long since accepted that Pinkie Pie was physically incapable of standing still. How the pink mare ever slept was beyond him. “Have you told her?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head. “I…I can’t.” Caramel looked down sadly, “What if she doesn’t feel the same? I feel like I’m just a friend.” “But you never know until you try.” Pinkie pointed out. “I know. I just…” Pinkie put a hoof to the farmer’s shoulder. Caramel was surprised to see the baker looked serious. “Sometimes you just have to try.” Pinkie said, “Sometimes the risks are worthy it. Like cupcakes.” “Cupcakes?” Caramel was puzzled. “Yeah-huh.” Pinkie replied, “I spent so long trying to make the most super delicious cupcakes for RainDrops wedding last week. Remember?” “Uh yeah…they were delicious. How’d you do it?” “Garlic. It just felt right.” Pinkie said simply, “I really wanted something to off-set the cinnamon and vanilla Raindrops wanted so I used garlic powder. I knew the guests would think the original cupcakes were too sweet. So garlic. I risked it, and it was super-duper awesome!” “Garlic?” “Garlic.” “Garlic.” Caramel nodded, “So…Ditzy Doo is my cupcake? Or was she the garlic?” “I dunno. Point is go for it!” Pinkie turned towards the kitchen, “I’ll go check on those muffins for you. Why so many banana-nut?” “Ditzy loves banana-nut muffins.” At this Pinkie smiled sweetly, “I wanted to do something special for her.” “You silly pony!” She said, “You didn’t need any advice from me. You know exactly what you’re doing.” 0000000000000 “And step and step and step-hold. And hair flip.” Rarity’s voice was hard and precise. Sadly Ditzy couldn’t follow along and she toppled over, her balance lost. The mailpony fell to the ground for what felt like the fortieth time today. “No-no-no, sweetie, you have to get this right.” Rarity approached the prone mailpony and offered a hoof. Ditzy took it and allowed the fashion pony to pull her to her hooves. “I’m sorry…balance is not one of my strong points.” Ditzy said dejectedly. “Which is why we are practicing here.” Rarity replied cheerfully, “Now watch me.” Ditzy gave the fashion pony room to move. Rarity had set up one of her wooden mannequins, a colt’s mannequin to be precise, in the center of her cleared store front. Rarity took a single, slow step towards the mannequin, crossing her left hooves over her right ones. “Step” She echoed, and took another step; this time she crossed her right legs over her left, “Step” By now she was a single step from the mannequin’s face. “and step.” She stepped carefully, seductively, across the mannequin’s front. “Hold.” She paused, “Hair-flip.” This time she flung her hair to the side, brushing a few strands over the mannequin’s face and fluttered her eyes at the wood eyed pony. “And done. This colt is now mush in my hooves.” “You make it look so easy.” Ditzy breathed, “But are you sure this is…necessary?” “Sweetie, this is the single most important part.” Rarity scrunched her face, thinking, “I think after the hair-flip, you should flick his nose with one of your wings as you walk away. Give him something to follow. Lightly of course. And playfully.” “I…uh…I don’t know…” Ditzy breathed, “This all seems so…” “Romantic?” Rarity chirped. “Manipulative?” Applejack narrowed her eyes at Rarity who glowered back. “Intimate?” Rarity turned back to the mailpony, pushing Applejack away with her hoof. “Wasteful?” The farmer shoulder-charged the fashion pony, knocking her to the floor and staring the confused mailpony in the eyes. “It’s….seductive.” Ditzy looked away, a blush kissing her cheeks. Rarity and Applejack shared a look, both willing to accept this answer. “Good enough.” “Absolutely dear.” Rarity walked behind Ditzy and rearranged the wooden mannequin, “Now again. We will practice until you get this right.” Ditzy sighed; balance was not her strong point. Applejack noticed the mailpony’s look. “Now hold on a minute.” The farmer cut in, “I’ve been watchi’ ya’ll put the moves on that wooden horse for long enough. What, if any, is the point of all this?” the farmer looked between the two ponies, “I mean, Caramel is already pinnin’ for Ditzy. Why all this…sugar?” “Applejack dear, this is insurance.” Rarity said, “When I’m finished with Ditzy, she will all made up. Remember the Gala? Remember how nice you looked? Remember what happened?” “Uh…yeah…” Applejack looked down, a red tint on her cheeks. Rarity smiled smugly. “…And how long have you been dating Soarin?” Rarity chuckled. Ditzy gasped. “You’re dating a WonderBolt?!” Both Rarity and Applejack tackled the mailpony to the floor, covering her mouth with their hooves. “Sssshhhhh!” Rarity hissed. “Not so loud!” Applejack almost pleaded. The two looked around, as if expecting the world to react negatively to Ditzy’s question. They held their breath but nothing happened. After thirty seconds the two sighed with relief and helped Ditzy up. The mailpony looked around nervously. “What was that?” She almost snapped. “We’re trying to keep it a secret.” Rarity said and quickly went to the window. She glanced out and sighed, “Clear.” “Keep it a secret from whom?” Ditzy asked. The two looked at her, astonished she needed to ask. “Rainbow Dash.” The both said in unison. “Oh” “Can you imagine what would happen if Rainbow knew I was datin’ one of the…” Applejack looked around cautiously and whispered, “…WonderBolts?” Ditzy thought for a minute. “She is a little…obsessed.” Ditzy said after a minute, “But Rainbow Dash is your friend. Do you really think she’d be angry?” “Angry? Na’.” Applejack laughed then grew serious in an instant, “But a’ thinks she’d try to take Soarin’ for herself.” “I made a pass at him once.” Rarity said as more of an after-thought, “In Manehattan. I was drunk…it was a mistake.” “And you ain’t gonna be makin’ that mistake again, is ya?” Applejack narrowed her eyes at her friend. For the first time all day, Rarity gulped nervously. Her jaw suddenly hurt; an echo of the buck Applejack had given her at a party several months ago. A buck that had left no question as to who Soarin’ belonged to. Rarity had apologized umpty-illion times to both Applejack and Soarin since then, for acting so un-lady-like. Rarity was ashamed she had behaved like such a harlot; although she was forgiven, Applejack had never left Rarity alone with Soarin in a room since. As part of her penance, Rarity gave a free make-over to Applejack whenever it was the farmer’s turn to go out of town to visit her coltfriend. No ma’am.” Rarity whispered as Applejack loomed over her. “Better not.” The farmer said and softened up, “’nough about me. I understands why Soarin was all smitten by me at the Gala, but we’d never met before. First impressions and whatnot. Caramel is already head-over-hooves for Ditzy. Why all the moves?” “Because!” Rarity stomped her hoof, “I will make Ditzy gorgeous! Breath-taking! She’ll be a Goddess!” “That’s….bad?” Ditzy asked. Her heart was pounding hard. She had never been gorgeous. She was so excited and nervous. What would Caramel think?...oh Celestia, what if he didn’t like it? What if all the make-up and product made him think Ditzy was a floozy? Both Rarity and Applejack noticed the change in Ditzy’s demeanor. “Are…are you sure?” “What did I say about second guessin’?” Applejack nudged the pony. “I…uh…well…” “And that is why we are practicing this…seduction.” Rarity brushed her tail over the wooden mannequin, “If Caramel has any doubts or is suffering from cold-hooves, this will seal the deal.” Both Applejack and Ditzy made to comment but Rarity held up a hoof, “Trust me. I know romance better than both of you combined…coltfriends not withstanding.” “I…I guess.” Ditzy was still unsure. She had never been seductive. Would Caramel think she was too forward? Or was this a pleasant change of pace from the shy pony Ditzy normally was? Still…Rarity was sure, and Applejack had a coltfriend from listening to the fashion pony’s advice. Ditzy felt her heart flutter; what if Caramel was her coltfriend before the sun set? The thought made Ditzy giddy and she smiled. She wanted this; needed this! She would knock Caramel off his hooves with her beauty. Rarity was right; he wouldn’t know what hit him. Ditzy stood taller, more confident, her eyes crossed. “Alright.” She nodded towards the mannequin, “Let’s try this again.” Her voice was firm, and the other ponies smiled knowingly. “Absolutely.” “Go get ‘em girl.”