RED Sniper simply stood open-mouthed at it. Stood in front of him was possibly the most adorable thing to ever grace his eyes; it, or 'she', was a deep blue pony, with a pair of long wings, a long horn, and hair and tail that flowed freely in a non-existent wind. Inside the hair, he could see the universe, and a thin layer of energy that went over the top. She had adorable blue eyes, and a small smile as she stared in a satisfied way at Sniper. He was stood in a steel cage, with regular things you might give a dog; blankets, bowl of water, and box of food. However, there was also a table and chair, which he had already put his Botkiller rifle and a packet of cigarettes onto. In the awkward silence, he coughed.
"Go on." the pony said excitedly. "Speak. I know you can." Sniper was mostly amazed it could speak.
"OK, mate." he replied as he put up his right thumb. Then, he walked over to the table, picked a cigarette from the pack, and pulled a lighter out. He lifted his bandana and placed the cigarette in his mouth, lighting it as he did so. Then, when he was sure there'd be no extinguishing his fag, he removed the bandana, placed it next to his equipment, and kept the cigarette in his mouth. Then, he folded his arms, and watched the pony with a raised brow. "C'mon, mate. I'm waitin'." he said smugly. The pony stared back in shock.
"SEE!" shouted Seeman as the two See-related monsters followed the guards through a rock tunnel. It was absolutely the most hilarious thing, so the two kept pointing at the ponies behind bars and laughing at them because they were seen.
"Quiet, prisoners!" barked one guard. "You're now in the custody of Princess Celestia's Royal Guard, so you play by OUR rules." Seeman and Seeldier stopped and stared at the pony with blank expressions. Behind them, guards levelled spears.
"See?" said Seeman, pointing to a loose piece of masonry. Seeldier's head promptly inflated to 200% of its normal size and he pulled a ridiculous facial expression.
"SEE." Seeldier and Seeman's limbs began flailing around, and then began the most ridiculous 3 hours of Captain Glittering Spear's life. He facehoofed, and sat down in a chair, and tried not to cry.
Instead, he cried a lot.
How is this my job...?
The mercenaries and freaks groaned as they all began to pick themselves up from their 30ft fall from a ventilation shaft. Of course, Brutalight was more than willing to gently levitate Christian, GentleSpy, and usual Spy down to the floor carefully, since she liked them already, so the three of them got down fine. Once everybody was up and on their feet, GentleSpy went up some steps to a nearby throne so he could see just how many there were. His jaw dropped and he lowered his fedora brow in frustration; stood before him was a crowd of at least 100 people, and somehow he was going to lead them all to safety. There was an obvious split between them; a half seemed to be the freakshow, with likes of Painis Cupcake, MeeMs, and the small pony freaks that were with them, while the other side seemed to just be regular mercenaries, all still totally unsure of each other and the fact that a BLU Spy was upset over the loss of a RED Sniper confused things further.
Not even been here an hour or so, and already had the Sniper kidnapped. GentleSpy thought. He cleared his throat. "Gentlemen!" he called, but not so loud as to let anybody outside the huge doors hear him. The quiet murmurrings died down rapidly as all eyes turned to him. "As we all know, we are in foreign territory here. We have no Intel as to where we are, and it seems we'll be here until a way back is found." There was an audible groan as the mercenaries and freaks began to pace in frustration and mutter loudly. "Nonetheless!" he continued. "We will attempt to remain hidden from the sight of these pony guardsmen, since they seem to be bound to duty and unwilling to take orders from us." Suddenly, somebody coughed near the front. And, to GentleSpy's surprise, some of the pony freaks with them stepped forward, led by RariFruit.
"Well, dear," she began, smirking in an evil yet seductive way. "I think we can help with that."
A few minutes later, the mares re-entered the room. Behind them trotted guards, each looking dazed and utterly entranced by the ponies in front of them. "And, behold, Gentlemen." Rarifruit chuckled as the group halted in front of the humans and 'humans'. The massive divide between the two groups became more apparent as the regular mercenaries sat on one side of the room, and the freaks sat on the other. Both sides stared each other down, and it became glaringly obvious neither trusted the other.
Or, more likely, one side wanted to do horrible things to the other side, while a few stood on the sidelines facepalming.
"Excellent." GentleSpy chuckled, standing up. "You have done well." Rarifruit smiled in agreement, a deformed and slightly G-Major squeak escaping her mouth. "How did you manage to get them to our cause?" The mare looked back over her shoulder at her pet stallion. He looked dazed, almost entranced. She placed her tail under his chin and slowly ran it beneath.
"Well, let's just say the hardened warrior couldn't resist the charms of a mare who has it all..." Rarifruit laughed. "Isn't that right, dear?" The guard weakly nodded. GentleSpy smiled, and cleared his throat.
"Gentlemen!" he called out, grabbing the attention of everybody/thing. "Just because this room has been clear for this long doesn't mean it will stay that way! Form up, and prepare to embark! Karate Sniper!" A single RED Sniper with a yellow bandana stood up in a rather strange way as everybody watched. His face was incredibly unusual, almost twisted, but his 'focused' face had a rather disturbing grin and bow-legged gait.
"Yeah!" he said firmly. GentleSpy pointed a finger at the door.
"Clear the path, but don't kill the guards in our way." he ordered. The Karate Sniper stared at him blankly.
"OK." he finally replied, before turning his neck 180° but not twisting his body in any way. "SOLDIER!" he called. As though he were some kind of pet, with a stupid grin and a white headband that fell over his eyes. It was clearly too big for him, but he fell into the exact same position as Sniper was in.
"Yes, Sniper?" he asked, ready for action. They both blankly stared, as everyone else in the room watched them with intent.
"LET'S GO" Sniper suddenly yelled, as the two flailed their limbs whilst they charged out of the room, before kicking the door open and going out of sight. None of the mercs could comprehend what had happened, but judging by the stallion being thrown across the doorframe whilst Sniper was heard screaming 'A LITTLE OF THE OL' CHOP-CHOP' whilst Soldier laughed outrageously loudly, they had it under control.
"Hell." whistled a regular RED Engineer leaning on a dispenser, tipping his Mining Helmet up a tad to see if his goggles deceived him. Luckily for him, they didn't, and he could send the photos of him next to dangerous freaks to people he strongly disliked with 'FUCK ALL Y'ALL' written in massive letters using blood. "That went well. What's next, Mister?" he asked whilst pushing Scombine gently away from his dispenser. GentleSpy looked at the Texan, then at the exit.
"We move." growled the Psychopath, lowering his fedora and drawing his Ambassador.
"So I can only assume that you're one of the creatures that got into the palace?" Luna asked the RED Sniper. He was sat at his table, going through his backpack and crafting hats.
"Yeah, but one." he replied casually. "There's 'bout an 'undred of us, odd. Mostly I'm surprised that 50% of us didn't get killed on arrival." Luna was taken aback.
"What?" she gasped. "We wouldn't kill your kind, we have no reason to perform such vile acts of violence upon you." Sniper shook his head, and stood up.
"The thing is, for my kind, I'm pretty normal. But...we brought the other kind of us along. They're freaks. They have powers dangerous enough to eviscerate, kill, control, destroy, rape, or even eat us, and about 'alf of the group that arrived in this castle consists of 'em." Sniper explained. Luna listened intently. "We have a particularly dangerous pair, Christian Brutal Sniper and GentleSpy, runnin' this whole thing. If you'd have waited a few minutes, they probably would have come down to check you out." Luna was blushing.
"Ummm...I'm...heh...not that interesting..." she trailed off. Sniper, because he was Australian, ignored her reaction.
"The first one looks like me, except without the band on the hat, boots, or bandana. Instead, he looks...normal. It's only then that you find out he holds one of the darkest secrets in history; he's a psychopathic, homicidal maniac, with the ability to pull weapons out of nowhere and then rip ya to shreds with 'em. He loves the blood, and he has such strength and infinite number of weapons that he will commonly be holding a two-handed war-axe with a hand, and then throw it away as though it were a cigarette. Then you have GentleSpy."
"Well, he doesn't sound that bad." Luna mused. Sniper shot her a look.
"You won't say that the moment you see some of the things he does. He's adept in the art of the Dead Ringer and Cloak and Dagger. He'll be invisible one minute, you shoot him, he fakes his death and comes back even more violently. He's practically a bloody Larrikin Robin with the Ambassador, hits the headshot every time, and never, never leaves a foe unfinished. You think he sounds so nice now?" Luna swallowed hard, watching the human leaning against the steel bars with a deadly serious expression on his face. He noticed her worried look, and reached out to stroke the side of her face gently. "I'm not like that; like I said, there's more like me that ain't serial killers, psychopaths, or freaks. To be honest, Princess, ya'd be best stickin' with the humans, since we can keep the freaks away." Luna looked at the human as he gently touched her face. It was the first time she felt that someone other than her sister truly liked her.
She remained still, before lighting her horn and pulling the cage key from nowhere. Then, she unlocked it, and the whole thing disappeared from view. Sniper looked around in confusion. 'Bloody hell...magic jail cell...' Then, he looked to the Princess, who was now sat on her bed with glasses and a notebook. A chair appeared in front of her, and he cautiously sat in it. "Now then, Mr Sniper," Luna began. "Can you give me details on each of these freaks you have with you, and what threats they may pose?" Sniper grinned.
"With pleasure." he chuckled.
A guard ran straight past Thunder Mustang, scaring him a fair bit. He watched the stallion scramble down the hall, and disappear around a corner. He turned to the guard nearby him. "What's going on?" asked the blue Pegasus. The guard looked to him, a significant amount of worry on his face.
"You'd best get back into your chambers, sir." replied the stallion. "A pair of creatures have escaped custody, and have been appearing all over the castle and flailing their limbs about, and a different pair of the creatures is going around kicking everypony they see." Thunder blinked, and that was more than the opportunity needed for Karate Sniper to come flying down the corridor, kick the guard out the window, then punch Thunder back into his chambers. He slid on the carpet on his back, closed the door with a hind leg, then leaned his head back. "A weekend in Canterlot, already been punched." he murmured, before opening his eyes again and immediately regretting his decision. Stood in the middle of his room, staring back with a disturbing expression plastered on both of their faces, were two creatures. They blankly looked at him, before one pointed a small limb at him.
"SEE?" It yelled to its companion.
"SEE!" he replied, before both of their heads grew excessively large and they began to flail their limbs around. Slowly, but surely, Thunder got up, went to the balcony, spread his wings, and flew away to a safer part of the castle. "Now I'm never taking the Mayor's paperwork up here for her again." he groaned as he landed on the top search-tower. Nopony ever went there, except...
"POOT."
...nopony.