//------------------------------//
// Gods Converse 
// Story: Confessions of an Elder God 
// by TheTobacconist 
//------------------------------//

Pinkie Pie knocked on Fluttershy's cottage.
"Hello," Discord opened the door like an old gull wing, "Oh, my favorite pony."
"Hey, Discord," Pinkie Pie smiled, "Is Fluttershy home? Because I really wanted to talk to her. Not about anything in particular, I just thought that we hadn't talked in like three hours. And the last time I didn't talk to a friend for three hours it turned out that she was mad at me."
"She's somewhere around here," Discord turned his face to show an empty socket, "If only I were keeping an eye on her."
Pinkie Pie heard a shrill shriek.
"She's in the shower, isn't she?" Pinkie Pie accused.
Discord raised his eyebrows repeatedly and grinned.
"Fluttershy!" Pinkie yelled over Discord's shoulder, "It's ok, because you're normally naked anyway. It's not like he can see anything he wouldn't otherwise."
"Really, Pinkie," Discord crossed his arms, "I was watching out for her. What if she slipped in the tub? I am the portrait of a modern gentleman."
He appeared in a frame over the couch, sporting a bow-tie, tailcoat, and top hat.
Pinkie Pie responded by growing a mustache and placing a bowler hat on her head. Discord placed a monocle over his eye. Pinkie pulled on a smoking jacket and stuck a rose in the lapel. He hooked a pocket watch into the third button of his vest. She pulled out a riding crop. He snapped his fingers and saddle shoes appeared on his feet.
"Oh, Discord," Pinkie Pie rolled on the floor laughing, "You're lucky that I'm really good at visual puns. Anybody else would have had to have read that to get it."
"Cheaters," Discord pouted and slid out of the painting and reclined on the couch, "The jokes are basically spoon fed to them."
"Don't say that!" Pinkie yelled, "If you do the author gets a thumbs down."- a growth spurted from her hoof again and she aimed it down- "And that's bad... somehow?"
"Pinkie Pie, even to me that made no sense," Discord swooned and handed her a bouquet of roses, "I think I love you."
"Not in this iteration," Pinkie objected, "There are only a few iterations where we're shipped, and those basically never update. Which, what is an update anyway?"
Discord shrugged and tossed shriveled fruit in the air.
"Ok, that one was a bit of a stretch," Pinkie Pie shook her head, "You have to space out the puns. Otherwise the story becomes convoluted. And then you just have random and chaotic things happening for no apparent reason, with no regard for any important details, and nothing makes any sense."
Discord snapped his fingers, and fireworks shot from the floor, rendering in large glittering letters 'God of Chaos'.
"Uhm," Fluttershy walked into the room in her bathrobe, "Discord, if you don't mind, would you please, uhm, avoid things that might set my cottage on fire. Please?"
"Of course," Discord snapped his fingers and water spewed from the ceiling, knocking down the flames of the burning couch.
"Bad!" Fluttershy quietly yelled and sprayed him with a water battle, "Bad god!"
Discord flinched and tried to twist to dodge the liquid assault.
"Fine," He groaned, snapped his fingers, and placed everything in its proper status, "I bet Pinkie enjoyed it."
"Actually I was about to pull in a giant robot from another iteration to curbstomp you," Pinkie Pie frowned and then smiled, "But I guess I don't have to do that because all you needed was a little encouragement to do that right thing. With all the other iterations of you that have gone completely bonkers I can't risk it. Like that one iter- What's in that spray bottle anyway?"
"Nothing," Discord answered.
"Water," Fluttershy said at the same time.
"Water," Discord answered.
"Nothing," Fluttershy said at the same time.
"Hmm," Pinkie Pie mentally poured through all iterations of this instant and found the one where she was told the truth, "Gross! Fluttershy, how could you even do that to a cockatrice?"
Fluttershy mumbled something and handed Discord back his eye. Discord popped it back into his skull and began whistling and staring at the ceiling. Pinkie Pie put on the sternest face she could muster, which was really more of a slight frown. Not even a slight frown actually, but more like a halfhearted smile.
"Did you want to do something, Pinkie?" Fluttershy asked.
"Actually, I just wanted to talk to my two favorite friends in the whole world," Pinkie Pie said, "Which is a bit of an unfair thing to say, because what I really mean is that you're my friends, and you're my favorites because you're here right now. That way when I'm alone everyone is my favorite. And when I'm around everyone, everyone is my favorite. So that way, I treat everyone with equal favoritism."
"What have you been up to lately?" Discord asked her.
"Oh, the madpony in the blue box has been following me around lately," Pinkie smiled, "I like playing hide and seek with him, but he's really bad at it. I just hide in the dimensional rift for a while and he can never find me."
"You have to be careful with that type, though," Discord said knowingly, "First it's all fun and games, and then you have them right where you want them. But then they use some technical jargon, use an obscure metaphor to justify it, and 'save the day'."
"No, no, no," Pinkie Pie explained, "His metaphors don't work really well, but they're funny. Except when he explains how I'm destroying the 'fabric of reality'. I mean I've only been doing this since the beginning of time, and since time is meaningless, all the damage I've done has already been done."
"What?" Fluttershy looked back and forth between the two.
"I'm sorry," Discord looked down, "Pinkie is a-"
"Baker!" Pinkie yelled, "Just a baker with a love of science fiction, and Discord and I were talking about some role playing we do on the weekends."
Discord began backpedaling on a stationary bicycle formed entirely of letters.
"Oh, come on," Pinkie yelled at him, "No one is even going to get that one."
"I thought it was humorous," Discord pulled a bone from his left arm, "Eh?"
"That one was just tacky," She raised some thumbtacks, "See! I can do lame puns that don't result in any furthering of the plot."
"Excuse me," Fluttershy interrupted, "But, uhm, Discord doesn't have a routine, so, how do you have a schedule with him for the weekends?"
Discord hopped back on the stationary bicycle.
"He makes the weekends happen early... or late!" Pinkie answered.
"I don't mind you having a secret, Pinkie," Fluttershy stated calmly, "But, uhm, please don't lie to me."
"Lie," Pinkie Pie frowned and tears gushed from her face, "I'm a sham who's existed from the the beginning of time and only chooses to be a pony because being a god is boring."
Discord opened an umbrella.
"Oh," Fluttershy looked around, "I... I didn't need to know that."
Pinkie Pie sniffled and tapped Fluttershy on the head.
"Oh, Pinkie," Fluttershy smiled, "I didn't see you come in."
"Discord let me in," Pinkie stated.
"Not that doors mean anything to her," Discord commented.
"What?" Fluttershy asked.
Pinkie Pie tapper her on the head again. Fluttershy froze in place. Pinkie Pie crossed her hooves and glared at him.
"Some other time then?" Discord hopped on a chair connected to a dish and covered in switches and levers. He dissipated from that point of reference.
Pinkie Pie tapped Fluttershy on the head again.
"Oh, Pinkie," Fluttershy smiled, "I didn't see you come in."
"Actually I was just leaving," Pinkie hugged her, "I've been here a little longer than I meant to, and it's almost sundown. Bye!"
Pinkie Pie walked out the door.
Fluttershy looked at the sunset in confusion, "Where did the day go?"