//------------------------------// // Act Three: Regret // Story: A Mind Confined // by vehlek //------------------------------// Minor trigger warning for abuse. He had asked her to come over tonight because he said he wanted to apologize to her. She just hoped he wouldn’t change his mind by the time she got there. But by the time she arrived, he wasn’t there--it was. The door was unlocked. She entered, hoping he wouldn’t mind her coming in without him knowing first. The sun had already set, and she didn’t yet know the meaning that carried. She only felt the monster’s presence when it was too late to run, so she hid in the closet. She heard it pass by right outside, and as soon as it left she would follow it again. It didn’t leave, however. Its pounding stopped right in front of the door, and she heard it sit down. She realized that its target was not someone she could save. Her hooves were clasped over her mouth, but not tightly enough to contain all her sobs. She knew it could hear her, but it didn’t come in. All night it waited right outside the door, and she just a threshold from it. It got up again much later, just before dawn. She was still awake, her body aching and her eyes dried. The door opened, and she saw the monster staring down at her with the smile she always feared--his. She didn’t squirm or protest, as she had no energy left with which to struggle. The monster came in. This monster wasn’t huge, nor was it ethereal. Its tail was on fire, and yet it didn’t burn her, but beat her. As every blow landed on her, she waited simply for her end to come as well. But just as the dawn came, the monster smiled again at her and faded back into his body, and it was he who was left in front of her, hooves raised to her face, blood dripping from all but her cutie mark. Her eyes could still open, and she would live. She saw him looking back at her, his eyes changing in a way she hadn’t seen before. His hooves were the ones that quivered now, and his face was the one dampened by tears. He touched her again, this time on the cheek, and cried for forgiveness. He had no idea what he had done, but the thought finally occurred to her: it really wasn’t her fault. Not this. She didn’t stay angry at him, perhaps for the same lack of energy, but over a much longer time. Even as he buried his head into her chest, crying more than ever, she forgave him as best she could understand how to. The words never came out of her mouth, and he would never know, but she gave up all those feelings for him. All she still felt was the monster leaving him the same as it entered, hiding back in her again. Shortly after, she left--his house, the hospital, then the town. A Mind Confined Act Three: Regret Riverjump waited behind a tree as she listened, though it was hardly a hiding place. She was looking to the ground, rubbing one foreleg with her other, and listening to Cinnamon cry out in the park. She never peeked at him, nor did she cry with him. He sounded nearly the same as she had heard years ago from someone else. Up until the moment she heard the first scream of Cinnamon’s despair, Riverjump still harbored something against him. She still felt like she could salvage something. But when she heard him, she realized this wasn’t Cinnamon’s fault. There wasn’t even anything left for which she could forgive him. She felt the monster leave him, too, and land back in herself. A crowd of ponies had gathered in the park, and none of them saw Riverjump leave. She walked until she couldn’t hear Cinnamon sobbing anymore, and kept walking all the way through town. It was early enough now that she didn’t pass a single other pony--though Riverjump knew that coincidences didn’t happen to her. She pulled off all her bandages as she went, stripping them off no matter the momentary pain. As all the houses and shops gave way to trees, Riverjump approached the bridge out of town. She clattered over it, stopping in the middle, stepping up to the railing. She peered down at the river it spanned, and by then her tears were falling past her cheeks and joining the currents as she stared. The water level was low, and the currents weren’t rushing at their peak. It hadn’t rained in some time now. Even as Riverjump climbed back over the railing, she wondered if she’d survive this. She didn’t know where the river ended. It might not be enough. But in the center of her thoughts, before all else, she knew that waiting was no longer worth it. “You bailed on me pretty early,” someone behind her said. This time Riverjump wasn’t startled, nor did she much care. Ponytail walked further up to the bridge, coming from the same direction as Riverjump had. Ponytail’s voice didn’t falter, nor did she rush it as she continued, “But I guess I don’t need an apology. Looks like this must be a pretty rough spot you’re feeling.” “The last time somepony tried to talk me out of this, it went all wrong,” Riverjump said, clutching the rails behind her. “Okay,” Ponytail said, “then you talk about it instead.” Riverjump leaned back a bit further against the rails, though she didn’t really mean to. She said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The things I keep doing to everypony around me, I should get locked up for. Any way I say it, it just sounds like I’m trying to make a big deal out of myself, but everything that’s gone wrong really was my fault.” Riverjump looked back to Ponytail through tears, her commitment holding much firmer than her expression. “That sweet shop? That was my fault. The baker pony burned it down because of a monster I put inside him, just because I got angry at him. Just because he wasn’t what I wanted.” Riverjump turned back to the water. Ponytail walked closer to the railing and put one hoof on it next to Riverjump, and asked, “What kind of monster are you talking about?” “I don’t know,” Riverjump cried. “It just waits inside me until I curse somepony with it, and then at night it takes them over. You’d think it would hurt them, but even in their body it still hurts me. It just does whatever they wanted anyway, and gets rid of all the ponies in their way.” Ponytail tossed her ponytail to the other side of her back, but stayed silent. “And then it comes back to me,” Riverjump said, “after my victims get success and happiness. That’s what I used to think, anyway. Now I guess it just hurts whoever it wants to, as long as I still get hurt, too.” “Did you just assume nopony would believe you if you said that before?” Ponytail asked. “I kind of get it. It explains some stuff.” Riverjump released one hoof from the rails and wiped at her cheeks. She ignored the question, but her voice cracked a bit as she said, “What are you doing here, anyway?” Ponytail raised her other hoof onto the rail and climbed over as well, answering as she went, “Well, obviously I came for you.” Riverjump offered no protest, though her gaze shifted to the narrow space where Ponytail could stand by her. “You mean, as a friend?” Ponytail set hoof down beside her and said, “Well, no, but sort of.” She leaned onto the railing while she looked away from Riverjump. Ponytail twirled her bangs, and her expression remained the same even as she said, “See, the thing is I came to town to visit you, not just to go drinking. This situation is totally unfair to me. Whatever I say right now is just emotional blackmail to get you off of here, right? So, that’s why I need you to get off. So we can actually talk honestly.” “There’s only one way I’m getting off,” Riverjump said, tightening her grip. “Ha ha, so punny,” Ponytail scoffed. “I’m here for another day anyway, so chill for now and we’ll revisit this tomorrow, okay?” “Just say what you want,” Riverjump muttered. “Then it won’t weigh on you when I’m gone.” Ponytail raised a hoof to Riverjump’s cheek and pulled it her direction, then leaned in and kissed her. The kiss only lasted a second before Ponytail pulled away. “Now we’re both not playing fair, because you have no idea if that was honest or not,” Ponytail said. Riverjump stared at her, still crying, but the pain on her face had vanished. Her mouth hung open still, and she felt her decision wavering again. The moment ended with a soft slicing sound, and Ponytail’s face fell pale. She and Riverjump both looked down, and they saw that from Riverjump’s chest had come a shadow despite the sun, its shape like a dagger, poking through Ponytail’s chest in turn. The shadow melted upward the same way as Riverjump’s monster. Blood soaked out from only Ponytail’s chest. The shadow pulled out and back into Riverjump, and Ponytail’s body tilted over slowly at first, then fell into the currents. Riverjump watched her fall, eyes wide, tears halted. Riverjump gave up. She let go. Something grabbed her by the hoof before she hit the water. It took her a second to gather the energy to even look up, but the grimace she made when she did took only a moment. The monster gripped the railing with one hoof and her with the other. It looked just like the one she had seen years ago. Though the thought had occurred to her many times before, the question of why this was all happening to her popped back into Riverjump’s mind at that moment. She had never figured it out before, but the answer presented itself to her as she looked up at her monster, and saw on it the smile she hated most of all: her own.