Rainbow Dash curled up in a bed that was too small under a tiny window, shuttered to keep out the summer bugs. Spike had been more than willing to cede it for the evening after seeing the state of her.
She shut her eyes, turning over. The memory of returning to Twilight’s library and collapsing on her floor was not one she wanted to relive, yet it bubbled to the surface regardless. She had promised to tell Twilight the truth.
The truth that I’m falling apart. That I don’t know how to hold myself together anymore. Even there I am lying, because I can’t tell her the full, terrible, awful truth that I don’t know who I am anymore.
Vinyl’s screams echoed up out of the darkness. They swarmed around her like bats, pecking and biting, howling at her to turn and save her. Vinyl’s lost, terrified eyes stared into hers no matter how tightly Rainbow closed her eyes.
Rainbow Dash would have saved you. It didn’t matter how bad the odds were. She would have saved you. I’m not Rainbow Dash. I’m no one. I don’t remember who came before me. He’s as much a ghost as Vinyl was about to become.
If she wandered back to town square, she knew she would find Vinyl Scratch having a blast. Everypony there would be dancing and enjoying themselves. If she went up to Vinyl’s side and spoke to her, she’d see a happy pony whose only cares were her music and her growing friendships. She would look into her eyes and see not the hint of recognition.
Rainbow turned again, but there was no escaping her own imagination. She tried to cry, but her eyes remained stubbornly dry. Whimpering softly, she buried her face into the pillow until sleep claimed her.
* * *
Rainbow Dash glided over stormy skies. Below her, hurricane winds ravaged the land as lightning-set fires were fanned into conflagrations. A black void gaped down at her in place of a sky.
Firefly’s voice echoed dimly from the distance. “Rainbow… Rainbow…!”
Rainbow beat her wings, flying on. She knew Firefly hardly needed eyes to see her, but to see herself reflected in Firefly’s eyes would have been too much.
“Please, Rainbow… I know you… come back…” The voice faded, drowned out by the roar below.
Some Element of Loyalty you are. Your only true friend in the entire world is back there and here you are, flying on. Where are you even going? It’s a dream—you can’t really escape her. Running away won’t make anything you’ve done better. It won’t save Vinyl. It won’t help Firefly. It won’t stop Them.
Rainbow shut her eyes and closed her wings up, allowing herself to fall. The flames leapt up to meet her. Her skin cracked and split and she spread her limbs to feel them flense the flesh from her bones. Not even a pile of ash made it to the ground below—tiny particles blew on the intense wind, and she spread with it.
“Rainbow,” Firefly said from somewhere. “Knock it off. You’re scaring me… please.”
“I’m sorry,” Rainbow whispered. She didn’t open her eyes. Doubtless she would see what she always did—that she had materialized in Firefly’s domain. The temptation to simply sink away again and flee her dangled like a juicy apple on a low branch.
“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have done anything.”
Rainbow shook her head. “Me for her. I could have drawn Their attention.”
Firefly said nothing.
“I could have, couldn’t I?”
“No… maybe.” She sighed. “I don’t know. Their perceptions aren’t like yours, nor even mine. They don’t see things like we do. It’s like peeking at the world through a pinhole—They narrowly see whatever is in their field of view. I don’t think They’re even aware that other things exist.”
“Until They’re made aware of them.”
“Yes. Then the pinhole opens, and They see more. Sometimes…” Firefly’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Sometimes They even step through.”
“Step through. Like at the square… They were there. They were real.” Rainbow lifted her head, and at last opened her eyes to look at Firefly’s face. Drawn and haggard, she watched Rainbow back. “But I could have saved her?”
“They would have gotten both of you.”
Rainbow rose to stand at her level. “You just said you didn’t know that for sure.”
“Could you risk that? The off-chance that They would have forgotten Vinyl Scratch existed?” Firefly shook her head firmly. “No. Don’t lie to me and say that you could have.”
Rainbow growled. “Rainbow Dash could have. She would have.”
Firefly lifted her head and returned Rainbow’s gaze steadily. “Maybe. Who are you, though? Are you Rainbow Dash?”
Wincing, Rainbow glanced away. “I’m somepony who turned her back on her friend.”
“Don’t even start. You knew what you had to do and you did it. Don’t give me crap about the Element, either.” Firefly stood up and flared her wings. “I bore that hunk of rock through Nightmare Moon and Discord. You know what’s hard?”
The clouds beneath Firefly, the immobile sun—Rainbow looked at anything other than Firefly.
“Hard is when loyalty demands you overlook the here and now to pay attention to the future. Hard is when you turn your back on a friend today so you can save her tomorrow.”
“I could have intervened earlier,” Dash whispered. “When I first arrived at the square. I could have tackled her off the stage.”
“You trusted her to make her own decision. It was breathtakingly stupid, yes, but it was her decision,” Firefly said. “When you broke her and Mosh Pit up, that was you saving her—this, however, was something she felt she had to do.”
“And what did it get us, huh?” Rainbow snapped. “Another riddle. Go hunt up mad ponies from beyond the pale and hope one of them coughs up the obscure piece of information we need. Can you even find these ponies?”
Firefly gazed into the distance. “I can.”
“And the information? Can we find the right one who will point us the right way?”
“Maybe. I’ll need your help.”
Rainbow Dash sighed. She stared down at her hooves. So tiny and blue, even after all this time they didn’t feel as though they belonged to her. After a time, she looked back up to Firefly. “What can I help you with?”
“It’s your dream,” Firefly said. “I am a figment, an idea flitting from pony to pony, when you aren’t here. I need to guide you to where the Deep Lost are.”
Taking a deep breath, Rainbow slumped her shoulders.
“Rainbow…” Firefly’s raw voice throbbed. “Please don’t do this to yourself. We’re so close.”
“Tell me the rest of it, Firefly,” Rainbow whispered. “The part you’re not saying.”
“I’m not—” Firefly rustled her wings. She shifted back and forth on her hooves. “How did you…?”
“I’m not stupid.” Rainbow lifted her eyes again, staring hard at Firefly. “Their attention is on me. I’ve put Them off for a little bit, but every time I cause or am involved with a disturbance, Their gaze is drawn to me.”
Now it was Firefly’s turn to say nothing and to stare at anything other than her partner.
“When I go haring off for the Door, what do you think is going to happen?” She waved a hoof. “Are They just not going to, I don’t know, not notice that I’m flying clear off the Plan?”
“They didn’t notice your chats with Vinyl Scratch. They can’t know your mind like I do.”
Rainbow shook her head. “Funny. That didn’t sound anything like a plan. Were you just winging it the whole time, Firefly?”
Firefly glared at her. “And what was I supposed to do? Not warn you in the first place? Quietly fade into oblivion? Accept their dominance and forget this all ever happened?”
“Why not?” Rainbow snorted. “The end result is going to be the same. You might have saved us all some trouble.”
Firefly bit back an angry retort. She rubbed her face and softened her features. “Rainbow… I’m sorry. Please. I know you don’t mean that.”
Still feeling like boiling over, Rainbow had to stare between Firefly’s hooves for a good minute. “Yeah. The Element of Relapse, they might as well call me. I’m sorry, Firefly.”
“Don’t beat yourself up over it, Dash.” Firefly shook her head. “We’re both pretty scared. For me… I don’t know if there’s another chance after you.”
“Right.” Rainbow exhaled. “Okay… we’d better get on this thing, then.”
“Are you sure?” Firefly looked at Rainbow closely. “You don’t look so hot, and this is just a dream. I don’t want to think about how pale you must look in real life.”
“Vinyl Scratch sacrificed her independence of thought so we could have a chance at this. I don’t want to blow it for her.” Rainbow Dash straightened and ran a hoof through her mane to settle it across her side. “Let’s go.”
She paused for a moment. “Uh… how do we get where we’re going?”
Firefly tilted her head. “You know that sensation you have when you’re trying to fall asleep, where you feel like you’re dropping down a pit?”
“Yeah?”
She grinned and pointed down.
Rainbow peered down and perceived a void beneath her. Before she could so much as try to flap her wings, she plummeted, as fast as a stone, then faster. At the same time, it felt as though she was being stretched out too thinly, her mind expanding to encompass something…. something…
* * *
Rainbow groaned. Shifting her hooves, she kicked off the blankets of the too-small bed and stretched her wings. Cramps popped over every inch of her. Looking up at the tiny room, she sighed. “Well… so much for that, I guess.”
Reaching up, she flipped the shutter open, and then stared.
An ocean lay right outside. The moon hung over it, bright and full and huge, and it cast a glow as bright as day.
Leaping to her feet, she sprang out the door. Oh, no, They’ve changed everything, They—!
“Morning, sleepy head,” Firefly said with her back to Rainbow. Outside Spike’s room was a small kitchen with no walls, the cabinets hanging in empty air. Firefly hummed softly as she flipped an omelette with a pan held in one hoof and a spatula in her mouth.
Her eyes huge, Rainbow stared around. They were on a barren island in the middle of a featureless sea, under a sky with stars that never twinkled, only stood there as points of light. “Firefly? You’re… you’re real?” She walked over to her, touching her friend’s coat. The soft hairs felt entirely real, and she could feel the muscle under her skin.
Firefly giggled, flicking her tail at her. “Stop that!”
“What the flying feather is all this? Is this real?”
“No,” Firefly said. She picked the spatula up and tossed the omelettes on to a pair of nearby plates. “We’re in the Deep Dream.”
“The… what? But…” Rainbow felt at herself, at the ground. It was indistinguishable from real.
“Your brain is tricking you into thinking this is real. Quite well, I might add.”
“So…” Rainbow’s eyes widened. “What happens if I die here? Will I die in real life? Or… or become some sort of freaky dream-ghost?”
“Like me?” Firefly gave her a sour look. “No, don’t be stupid—people dying in dreams is a fiction thing. I wouldn’t recommend it, though. If you die or get injured here, I guarantee you it’s going to feel real. Ponies have been traumatized for life with less severe experiences.”
Rainbow swallowed heavily. She stared out at the ocean. “If this isn’t real, if it’s just in my head… what is it?”
Firefly shrugged. “I’m no egghead, but I’d hazard to say it’s something like a collective dream. All the impressions of all the minds that have ever been.” She took her plate and snarfed down an omelette, then sighed happily. “Wow, I missed that. You have no idea how much you miss onions, cheese, and garlic until you completely lose your sense of taste.”
Rainbow eyed her. “This is awfully boring for a collective dream. With Pinkie alone, I would have expected something more like when Discord came back.”
“Hey, do you want an omelette or a lecture on metaphysics?” Firefly rolled her eyes and tossed her plate, letting it shatter carelessly on the floor. “Take it up with management if you have complaints. I’m sure They will listen very astutely before They eat you.”
Rainbow Dash didn’t respond, staring off at the moon.
“Dash?” Firefly said, turning to look at her.
“Sorry? Oh.” She swallowed again, looking back at Firefly.
“You okay?”
“Fine.” Rainbow shook her head. “Let’s get going.”
Firefly nodded. She spread her wings and launched into the air. Rainbow quickly stuffed the hot omelette into her mouth and flapped after her. Almost as soon as she thought to ask where they were going, land appeared on the horizon. Under the bright moon, the earth appeared almost black, not helped by the fact that the dark soil there seemed to absorb the moon’s light so well. Off the rocky beach, basalt pyramids dotted the landscape, each one a silent tomb looming over dead trees.
“Firefly… w-we aren’t flying into Ta-Tartarus, are we?” Rainbow asked.
“I wish.”
Descending, they skimmed over the broken landscape. Canyons gaped into interminable pits, and pillars of rock formed natural ribcages. They flew until they saw a river winding its way across the land. Firefly dove down and alighted on its shore, and Rainbow saw that its flow was sluggish, black currents that suggested unfathomable mysteries. Ahead of them lay the largest tomb of all, a great pyramid that dominated the local hills and smaller structures. The moon rose directly behind it, with the pyramid’s tip touching the bottom.
Cold seeped into Rainbow Dash’s limbs, but the goosebumps that mottled her skin had nothing to do with chill. A pegasus learned to live with cold. Her eyes, adjusting to the eerie lighting, saw now that they weren’t entirely alone. Pale shapes moved just out of the corner of her eye, and when she turned her gaze to focus on them all she saw was a thin mist lying across the earth. They clustered about the river, running hooves in the water. Despite their skeletal, desperate appearance, none of them drank.
“Firefly?”
“You remember how I said that I couldn’t really exist without you, Rainbow? How I would just be a figment if it weren’t for you?”
“Y-yeah?” Rainbow looked at her, her knees trembling.
Firefly watched her steadily, her wings tightly folded. “That’s the first step. I found my way down here, to step onto the shores of a world with no life. This isn’t even an afterlife. This isn’t a heaven or a hell.” She turned her head to regard the pyramid. “We’re going to see a… person… who managed to—Rainbow? Are you listening?”
Rainbow was not. Her eyes slammed shut. Her limbs wouldn’t stop shaking. Even with her eyes closed, she could see Them. They stood, shadowy giants that were there and yet not there. Articulated claws stretched to peel at her skin and open her up for all the world to see. Not Rainbow Dash, not some forgotten stallion, not anyone. Just a faded ghost pawing at black earth.
“Rainbow? Rainbow. Rainbow Dash!”
Firefly’s hoof touched her and she screamed. Her voice shook like a reed in the wind and she flew. Her eyes swam with tears, and she found herself careening madly through the dead sky. A pink blur shot after her, and her eyes cleared enough to see Firefly’s contrail before they collided, the shock seeming to knock her high, higher than she could have ever imagined…
* * *
The twilight realm. Laying on her back and looking up at the faded light, Rainbow never thought she’d be so glad to be back here. She shuddered as she rolled onto her belly. She still couldn’t stop shaking. It was as if the world had closed in around her, and yet without anything around her she felt as if she might fly apart. She covered her face in her forelegs and whimpered.
Firefly’s first touch made her flinch back, but the other mare touched her again, more gently, and Dash managed not to pull back. Firefly covered her with a wing and lay by her side, holding her tightly.
It took a very long time for Rainbow to stop crying and shaking. Biting back sobs, Rainbow coughed. “Firefly… oh, Firefly, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can’t… I can’t do it, I can’t fight…”
“Shh… it’s okay.”
“I don’t know how I can go on like this.” Rainbow looked at the sun, trapped halfway between setting and not. “I… I don’t even know what this is any more. Are we fighting for a past that no longer exists or a present we know isn’t real? What are we, even?”
“I don’t know, Rainbow. I don’t know what’s real.”
“I feel like… like… They took us and pinned us down and made us helpless. They beat us until… until we d-don’t even know ourselves any more.”
Firefly sighed, nodding her head.
“We c-can’t…” Rainbow started to push herself up. “I c-can’t l-let…”
Firefly tightened her grip, pulling Rainbow down. “No. Rainbow… no.” She sighed again and stroked Rainbow’s mane.
Rainbow felt herself shaking again and tried to stop it.
“You’re…” Firefly murmured. “I should be the one to apologize. You’re breaking down, Rainbow. This whole thing has been crushing you the entire time.”
“What about you?” Rainbow asked. She was too ashamed to even look at Firefly right then. No move was made to free herself from her comforting embrace, though.
Firefly shook her head. “Who said I don’t freak out? I told you before, time doesn’t work for me like it does for you. Moments for me become hours, days become minutes… I get to freak out when no pony is watching.”
“I can’t let this go, though. I have to—”
Firefly touched Dash’s mouth with her hoof, shaking her head. “I believe you’ll try. You’ve already pushed yourself to the point of breaking. I’ve seen glimpses of what is to come—if I forced you to face that right now…” She silenced Rainbow again as she rose to speak, shaking her head more firmly. “No. You shouldn’t be ashamed. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
Rainbow tried to speak again, but got the hint this time. She looked at Firefly, silently.
“You’re not weak. You’ve already faced an incredible, awful truth, and you’ve come far.” Firefly nuzzled at her cheek. “You’re the one who is going to save us. I know it. Right now, though, I want you to wake up.”
“B-but…”
“No.” Firefly shook her head more firmly. “You need to go out there and remember what it is we’re fighting for. I want you to wake up, get out of bed, and go outside. See your friends. See your loved ones. Then come back to me—we’ll finish this, once and for all.”
“All right… I…” Rainbow swallowed. “All right.”
* * *
“Good morning, Rainbow! Did you sleep well? I hope you’re feeling—eep!” Twilight yelped as Rainbow Dash caught her in a hug. Her ribs creaked as Rainbow squeezed harder.
“Thank you, Twilight,” Rainbow said quietly. “You’re a great friend.” Technically, this one is for Firefly’s sake. You’re her friend and she never gets to see you.
“I… uh…” Twilight squirmed a hoof free so she could pat Rainbow on the back. “Thank you. I’m glad I can help. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so broken up lately, Rainbow. If there’s anything I can do to help…”
“Yeah, actually.” Rainbow pulled back. “Could you call Pinkie? I want to throw you guys a party in, uh… a couple days. To show my appreciation.”
“I don’t think she needs that much excuse, but all right.”
“Oh, ask her to invite Vinyl Scratch to be the DJ,” Rainbow added as she trotted over to a window.
“Sure.” Twilight shuffled through the things on her desk until she found a list. “Where are you going? Pinkie will want to know the details.”
“Let her figure that out—she’s good at that. I’ve got to go reconnect.” Rainbow spread her wings and launched herself out into the morning light.
“Reconnect to wh—oh, nevermind.” Twilight rolled her eyes in fond exasperation, then started writing.
Rainbow Dash let the current carry her up over Ponyville, scanning the ground below. It didn’t take her terribly long to find what she was looking for, when she saw a helmeted figure on a scooter buzzing along. Rainbow tilted her wings and shadowed the smaller figure until, inevitably, Scootaloo veered and put on a burst of speed, her tiny wings buzzing louder. Aiming for a cart left on the road, she ramped off it, clearing ten feet of air.
Swooping down, Rainbow caught her about the middle, eliciting a gasp as she and Scootaloo continued up into the air. The houses of Ponyville shrank as they climbed, becoming little dollhouses. Scootaloo turned her head up to regard Rainbow.
“Hey, kid. Still keeping in practice, huh?”
Scootaloo’s face scrunched up. She squirmed a little, seemingly indecisive. Finally, she sighed. “Hey, Rainbow Dash.”
“How’ve things been?”
“Could be better.”
“Parents working out all right?” Rainbow asked as she took them over the cloud level.
“They’re okay.” Scootaloo shook her head. “They’re nice to me, but I know they’re feeling really tense around each other.”
“Yeah.” She dropped Scootaloo on to a cloud and flapped down to sit next to her. “I’m sorry about how things have gone lately. I… I haven’t been myself, in a lot of ways.”
Scootaloo, not looking directly at Rainbow Dash, fiddled with her scooter. “I know.” She checked screws that were already pretty tight.
“I think you’re a great kid, still. I… I’d like to be your honorary big sister again, too.” Rainbow held a hoof out.
Scootaloo’s eyes watered. “You… you really care about me, don’t you?”
“I always have, kid. I promise I’ll never let you down again.”
“Pinkie Promise?”
Rainbow paused, digging back into the memories left there by Firefly. She smiled and slid a hoof across her chest. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” She put her hoof over her eye and beamed down at Scootaloo.
With a little cry, Scootaloo flung herself at Rainbow Dash and tackled her onto her back. Rainbow laughed, ruffling the little girl’s hair and holding her tightly.
“I always knew you and me… I mean… Rainbow… haven’t you always felt like we’re sisters?” Scootaloo asked into her chest. “Li-like we were always supposed to be together.”
“Yeah…” Rainbow, her voice thick, stroked Scootaloo’s mane back. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“Please don’t leave me again. Please please please.”
“I won’t. I swear.” She picked her up, holding her overhead so that the sun was behind her, leaving Scootaloo with a fuzzy halo. “I have a trip I need to take tomorrow—Wonderbolts stuff—but I’ll be back to see you and we’ll hang out. I’ll teach you how to fly like me and we’ll show everypony down there what it really means to be a pegasus.”
Scootaloo grinned, looking out over the sky. “I can’t wait.”
* * *
If there was one thing Rainbow Dash could say she was glad had not changed much with Their intervention, it was Sweet Apple Acres. Miles of well-kept farmland rolling across the hills, all the way to the edge of the Everfree Forest. There were parts of Ponyville that had gone unchanged since her dim earliest recollections, but something about the seeming permanence of the farm was alluring all by itself—a rock to cling to.
Gliding towards the farm on a cloud, she looked down at one of those other places that had gone largely unchanged. Fluttershy’s cottage was still the same quaint little place it had been, too, but there was more of a bittersweet tinge there. She could see a pink head bobbing in the stream as Fluttershy tended to some of her aquatic friends.
Looking down at her, it was hard for Rainbow to put a hoof on why she had ever loved her. It wasn’t that Fluttershy lacked lovable qualities—indeed, their new relationship as friends may be described as a form of love no less important than romantic—but the appeal just wasn’t there.
She’s sweet, kind, and pretty as a spring morning. Rainbow Dash flicked her tail idly. Which means what? She’s not tough enough to do anything I like to do, even if we shared interests. Blushing and hiding isn’t really all that appealing when you get right down to it.
The thing is, I used to find all of that really attractive. This was somepony I was prepared to live my entire life with.
Rainbow looked down at Fluttershy for a long time. Not so long ago, she might have killed for the opportunity to watch her, dripping wet, climb out of a river. Now it was about as exciting as watching the grass grow.
There had been a stallion, whose name was forgotten to her and whose face was as alien to her as a stranger, who had loved Fluttershy. That stallion was gone.
Turning to face Sweet Apple Acres, she flapped her wings and gave the cloud a push in that direction.
What do I want out of life? There’s a sister I need to come home to, sure, but one day she won’t need me any more. What’s waiting for me over the horizon?
Soon, she found herself drifting over the hills surrounding the farm. Most of the trees were already bare. The harvest that her old self had started to help had already been completed. In just a few days now there would be the Running of the Leaves, then Nightmare Night, and then Winterfall. It would be a busy time for everypony, not least of all the Apples who had to secure their farm to renew during the long winter months. Winter would be a time where ponies would come together with the ones they loved, to spend time with one another and make plans for a new year.
She ignored Applejack, who sat by the milk shed churning butter, and Apple Bloom and her friends, who made their merry way towards their clubhouse. When she got closer to the barn, she hopped off and stepped in through an open door. Inside, the place was mostly empty with the cows having gone to pasture but for the ringing of steel on steel. A cherry red glow filled the back of the barn. As the ringing stopped, it swelled and dimmed in rhythm with a bellows pumping. If Rainbow Dash’s heart had not been fluttering when she stepped in, it was now. The glow held her gaze, and in it she beheld a heavy, bulky shadow.
Big Macintosh stood in front of an anvil and forge, sweating as he forced air into the coals to heat them. The machine was as big as he was, but his muscles barely strained at all as he lifted it up, then heaved it down again, turning the furnace fire into a blaze.
“Old plow finally meeting its end, huh?” Rainbow asked.
There was no answer. Big Mac lowered back to all fours, taking the tongs in his teeth and putting a huge piece of glowing steel on the anvil. Taking a hammer in one forehoof, he braced the tongs with the other and began to shape the metal with solid, sure rings.
Rainbow sighed and leaned against the nearest stall as she watched him work. Sparks flew, each flash touching her slender form with its own azure glow.
In the memories given to her by Firefly, she didn’t see too much that hinted towards their relationship. Indeed, it seemed as if they had barely known one another. Whatever internal life the imaginary, false Rainbow Dash had were entirely unknown to her—a film strip told her very little about the thoughts and feelings of its subjects beyond what she could infer by watching. According to everypony else she had met, Big Macintosh had pined for her from early on.
Was that Them altering things? Was it always part of the Plan and things just didn’t work out until I took Firefly’s place? I don’t understand. First They drive me to him so hard and fast I find myself dizzy, then They dangle Scootaloo in front of me to force me into a relationship… Now They seem to have forgotten about him entirely.
What does that mean for me? I… She pursed her lips. Just looking at him, it feels so… it hurts to see him turn his back on me like this.
What do I want?
I’m not that stallion, I’m not really Rainbow Dash. I wear her name, but if she wanted Big Macintosh to love her… I can never know.
“I did you wrong. I… I haven’t been myself, Big Mac.”
Still there was no answer. The stallion shifted the tongs back to his teeth to let the piece rest in the fire again.
“I jerked you around like a piece of meat. I never meant to do that.”
Now he had gone back to pumping the bellows. He could have been shouting “But you did it anyway” and it wouldn’t have been a louder condemnation.
I’m sorry. I’m actually an imposter created to fulfill an imaginary ideal constructed by strange monsters from beyond the pale to fit your ideal of a mare. I never loved you as anything more than a friend, but depression, fear, and a heavy dose of horny arousal made me lust after you and try to take you anyway. Now I’m here to try and make amends before I go off into some strange hellish dreamscape to save you all from Them forevermore. Oh, and I kinda want to kiss you again.
And that’s what I would say if I could be honest with you. I want to tell you and everypony the truth. I’m so tired of lying and living this paranoid life. I just want somepony to hold me and tell me it’s okay, that I don’t need to fight any more.
“I’m just a mare. I’m just a stupid mare who is in over her head. I’m scared and frightened of things I don’t understand,” she said slowly, her voice cracking. “I hurt you and other ponies and it’s not fair to any of you. Especially you, Big Macintosh. I may have broken my promise to Scootaloo, but with her it’s only because I didn’t know what sort of crap would get in my way. With you, I hurt you and kept on hurting you because I didn’t understand myself.” Rainbow lowered her face, biting at her lip. The swelling glow of the flames only served to highlight the redness of her cheeks.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
It took her a moment to realize that the bellows had stopped. A shadow had fallen across her. Looking up, she found Big Macintosh lined against the firelight, his enormous form filling her vision. He had removed the smithing apron and now looked down at her with an unreadable expression.
After a long moment of silence, he spoke. “Did you care for me at all, back then on our first date?”
Slowly, Rainbow nodded. “I didn’t really want to date you… at the time. I was confused.”
“When you kissed me, did you really care about me?”
Again, Rainbow nodded. “I was afraid of… something I can’t really explain right now. I… I did care, though.”
“What about now?”
“I…” Rainbow swallowed. “I…”
The mare who everypony thought was Rainbow Dash had never really gotten to know you. I did. All those years you were my quiet, dependable best friend. You got me through my shakes with Fluttershy, you taught me how to fit in around Ponyville. All things I wish I could tell you, but I can’t.
Just like Thunderlane and Lyra, They tried to make me want you by forcing us together and making us crave each other. The only pony who can make me love you though is you. So…
Rainbow pushed herself up to her full height, looking up at his eyes. “I like you, Big Macintosh. If you… if you can forgive me, I’d like to keep being friends, and… if you’d want to try making something more than that, if you’d like me to be your girlfriend… I would love to be.”
It was like unplugging a blocked drain. Clean water rushed through her, purging little doubts and insecurities in its wake. So what if I had been a stallion? I’m not a stallion anymore. I’m a mare and he’s a stallion and I want to see where this goes.
“I don’t know if it will work out,” she continued, “but I would like to try and find out. Really, honestly, truly.”
Big Macintosh looked down at her for a long time. He glanced up towards the door, and then sat himself down, rubbing his head.
“Rainbow,” he said quietly, “would you hold it against me if I said I’d been havin’ second thoughts since even before our first date?” He looked to the side, embarrassed. “It seemed so… so gosh-darned weird. I remembered askin’ you out and it felt like it was the greatest thing in the world, but on the way to Berry’s place it just seemed like I was…”
“Like you were dating a best friend? A ‘bro,’ even?” Rainbow supplied.
“Yeah.” Big Mac nodded. “Like I’d gone and gotten cold feet. Then when you came by in the barn last time, I was just so burnt, but when were were huggin’, it was like I suddenly wanted nothin’ else.”
Rainbow winced. That memory was all too fresh.
“And then you kissed me, and it was like the sun exploded. I shoulda ran after you, but I was just… I wondered if maybe it was me who’d done you wrong.” He chuckled. “I felt like a right tease.”
Rainbow coughed delicately. “Uh… me too.”
“So…” He rubbed his mane awkwardly and got back to his feet. “I think what I’m sayin’ is… well, I don’t think I was sayin’ it, but…” He extended a hoof, and Rainbow took it. “You and me. From this point on, we start fresh. I’d… I’d like to try out bein’ your special somepony.”
A giddy swelling rose up. “Does it help that I’m incredibly hot, charming, hot, awesome, and did I mention smoking hot?” Rainbow grinned.
Big Macintosh laughed. By way of answering, he tugged her close, enveloping her with one hoof, and kissed her soundly.
Having kissed him once already, Rainbow might have thought she knew what to expect of being kissed. She was desperately wrong. He was so strong that she couldn’t have broken free if she’d wanted to—he would have stopped immediately had she signalled any such thing, but it served to remind her that she was a tiny little mare next to a great mountain of a stallion. His kiss had that same duality of strength and gentleness. A hind leg lifted, curled up inexorably as her entire body tensed. This time, the kiss was reciprocated, and she pressed up into him, molding her body up against his.
When he pulled back, her body felt gelatinous. She was warm, and not simply because they were standing next to a forge. Her wings were limp at either side, mirroring her molten state. She looked up into his face and saw that he was grinning, a slightly cocky look. Gentle giant or no, he was pleased to see what effect he’d had on a nubile mare.
Stiffening, Rainbow Dash felt a grin of her own growing, spreading across her face into a wicked smirk.
Big Mac grinned wider. “What do you think you’re—mmph!”
If there was one facet of imaginary Rainbow Dash that lived on in the mare that bore her name, it was the competitive urge. It had settled in her quite firmly during the Wonderbolt training and it found a surprising outlet now. Collecting all of her considerable energy, she pounced on Big Macintosh and slammed him against the side wall, rattling it and snapping a couple boards.
When he recovered, he used his great strength to peel her off, her kisses warming his cheeks. “I think a little pegasus needs a lesson taught about breakin’ other’s things.” He smirked, a light entering his eyes.
Rainbow squirmed in his grasp and managed to slip free. She showed him her teeth. “Come get me.” She hovered just out of his reach as he swiped for her, giggling as he leapt and followed her up into the loft.
I’m a mare, and he’s a stallion. We’ll do what mares and stallions do. Maybe They were the ones who started it, but we’re the ones who chose to do it. They have no power over me anymore.
* * *
“What?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Firefly continued to stare at Rainbow Dash with flat eyes.
Rainbow prodded her with a hoof. “Oh, come on, Firefly. Don’t be like that.”
“You know what you are?” Firefly asked with an equally flat tone.
“Amazing? Content? Awesome? Really, really hot?”
“A minx,” Firefly said, pointing a hoof at her accusingly. “An inconstant little minx who makes my life ten times harder.”
Rainbow snorted. “Seriously? That’s the best you could come up with?”
“Oh, there’s a few other things I could say.” Firefly tapped her chin. “So would you consider this the third date if you consider that kiss under the gazebo to be the second or, because you guys ‘started over,’ is it actually the first date? I think there’s a word for mares like you, oh, what was it…”
“Hey.” Rainbow lifted her hooves. “I can’t help it if stallions are driven into mad lust by the mere sight of me. I mean—can you blame them? Fantastic mane and tail, beautiful hooves, a killer body—”
Firefly grinned sickly, grabbed her skillet, and clocked Rainbow across the face, sending her spinning into oblivion.
* * *
The smell of sizzling omelettes informed Rainbow Dash that she had, once again, failed to wake up in the real world. Lifting her head, she rubbed her sore face. It didn’t actually hurt as much as if she’d been struck, but there was a phantom sting there that lingered regardless. Around her, she found herself back at the eerie island which stood alone in the still ocean. The fragment of Twilight’s library was gone, but the floating cabinets remained, and Firefly cheerfully hummed to herself as she slapped a pair of omelettes down.
“That,” Rainbow groused, “was entirely uncalled for.”
“I dunno about that!” Firefly said in a singsong manner. “Insufferability is a crime in some townships.” She lifted a plate in her teeth and slid it onto the table in front of Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow eyed the skillet warily. It sizzled on the stove. Yeah, you stay right there.
Firefly sat next to her, tossing her mane back as she started to eat. The nearly divine pleasure on her face at the simple task of eating breakfast—Even if it was the second breakfast of the day—made it hard for Rainbow to stay mad at her. It was a poignant reminder that her friend didn’t exactly have a lot of pleasures in life.
“I’m sorry,” Rainbow said as she pushed her own food around her plate. “I guess it was a little insensitive of me to brag about doing something you can’t.”
“It’s okay. You’ve done a lot of apologizing today. I will accept that you are a lovable idiot and move on.” Firefly chuckled and poked her. “Eat up. You don’t want to face this on an empty stomach.”
“I already ate last time I was…” Rainbow paused as her stomach growled.
“This place is imaginary, however real and persistent it seems. Last time doesn’t count. Also, you ran around all day in the real world without eating—I’ll bet some part of your brain realized you were starving.”
“Fair enough.” Rainbow took up a fork and started to divide the omelette, eating in slow chunks. Firefly didn’t seem inclined to simply scarf her food as she paused to savor each bite, so Rainbow took her time about it as well.
“I’m glad for you, though. Just looking at you now, you seem to be a lot more… like you were when we first met, actually.” Firefly smiled. “Full of life, ready to face the world.”
Rainbow glanced down at herself. “I don’t really feel all that different, I guess. A little giddy, maybe. Actually, I’m still kind of scared about going back to… that place.”
“Yeah, but you aren’t trembling like a leaf on the wind,” she said. “You have all your color and you’re sitting tall. To me, it’s a huge difference.”
Rainbow chewed over that—and her omelette—for a moment. “I put away a lot of the things I was afraid of. I… accepted things without really surrendering to Them. I feel… a lot better after that.”
“That and you went to bed feeling very nice indeed,” Firefly said.
“You know, I can slap you. That’s a thing I can do.”
Firefly giggled and washed her breakfast down with a glass of orange juice. “Right, let’s go.” She flapped her wings, flying up.
“Gah, at least let me get a—! Ugh!” Rainbow growled and grabbed the bottle of orange juice, chugging it as she flew after Firefly before discarding it in the still ocean.
The black land of death that awaited them came over the horizon almost as soon as her mind started to drift. Rainbow more than suspected that distance here, though more solid than a dream, didn’t matter as much as in the real world. It was no less bleak for her having seen it before, either. The unnatural silence of the crooked hills and looming black tombs seeped its way into her veins to form crystals of frost.
“You know, Firefly, say what you will about me being better than the last time we came here, this place is terrifying.”
Firefly only nodded grimly. She put on speed, her tail whipping into a pink contrail. Rainbow sped up with her, and a multi-colored streak of light joined the pink. She imagined that the pitiful creatures half-unseen down below might have looked up in wonder at the sight.
That’s a rather nice thought, actually. Like a banner of hope.
The great pyramid came into view, first visible as a shadow on the horizon and then, as they drew nearer, they could distinguish the huge blocks that had been used to construct it. “Hey, uh… Firefly?” she asked as they spiralled down towards the entrance. “What happens to all these ponies who are, uhm… Lost…? If we win, that is.”
Firefly shook her head. “I wish I knew, Rainbow Dash.”
They came to rest on a rise just outside the front of the building. Rainbow could make out great black basalt ponies in recline, decked out in strange tall hats and flowing clothing. She might have compared it to a Daring Do novel, but she was pretty sure this was far too grim to ever grace one of those novels.
Glancing around, she pursed her lips as she perceived again those dim shapes in the mist. Most didn’t even bother to shuffle aimlessly—they lay wherever they had stopped as uncaring lumps. Her ears twitched, for she imagined she heard a faint wind. Perhaps it was just their sighs.
Firefly watched her carefully. Rainbow gave her a wan smile. “Don’t worry. I’m okay. I want to help these ponies… no pony deserves this fate.”
Reaching over to catch her in a rough hug, Firefly chuckled and ruffled Rainbow’s mane. “That’s my girl. Let’s go.”
Together, they walked towards the open portal. The still air swallowed the sounds of their hoofsteps unnaturally, and the mist stirring at their passage began still again moments later. They left no mark on the land—as far as Rainbow could tell, it might have existed since the dawn of time.
In some ways, maybe it has.
The statues towering on either side of them seemed particularly enigmatic. Their faces were set into a form of grim certitude that she had never seen on Equestrian statues. Pictures crawled their way up their sides in blocky patterns.
“Was this a thing, somewhere?” she asked, waving her hoof around.
“If so, it was before my time.” Firefly shook her head. “I don’t like to think about that.”
“We’ve talked a lot about how the world must have looked different,” Rainbow whispered. The moonlight failed to penetrate this deep, but they could still see regardless. “Vinyl and I were right. They can’t really know what They’re doing, can They?”
“We’ll find out. Incidentally, take a look there.” Firefly pointed a hoof to the side. Rainbow followed it and saw a curious illustration that clearly depicted a pair of winged unicorns. One wore a curious crown which held a circle that spread rays across the scene, while the other wore a crown more like the ponies in front of the building. Upon her head, a crescent moon sat.
“Well… I guess that narrows down the placement. Somewhere after the, uh…”
“Classical period,” Firefly supplied.
Rainbow shrugged. “Yeah, that. Between that time and the time Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon.”
“That’s my theory. I can’t say for sure though—who’s to say this place wasn’t here before, and that image was added sometime after the fact?”
“Well…” Rainbow tilted her head. “Who can add to it, though? There’s no pony here like you.”
Firefly made a noncommittal grunt and walked on, surmounting stairs that led deeper into the building through a low-ceilinged tunnel. Rainbow walked alongside her, mounting each wide step. Suddenly conscious of the tons of rock above her head, she tightened her wings against her sides.
There was little time to become claustrophobic. The passage soon widened into a huge interior chamber. Blue fires burned smokelessly in sconces to either side of a walkway that arched over what looked like nothing at all. Rainbow’s pupils shrank as she stood in the entrance, trying to look at everything at once. Here motion and sound were present, but she wasn’t sure she liked the change.
Pillars rose from the depths to vanish into equally dark vastnesses above. With them rose shapes, pony forms like the ones outside. There had to be hundreds of them, their empty faces turned up and legs outspread. In the middle of the chamber, at the end of the walkway, a pony sat on a throne.
No… she’s not sitting in it… She stared as the two of them closed on the figure. The pony in question had a chalk white coat, and she reclined on the throne like the statues had. Unlike the statues, however, she did not so much sit on the chair so much as she had grown into it. The stone crawled up over her lower body, her forelegs, and up her back, growing not merely over but into her skin. Her mane had grown into the rock above her, forming a grotesque crown that swept back into the throne.
When they came to a stop in front of her, the chalk-white pony’s eyes opened. Like orbs of glass, containing within them swirling pools of smoke, they stared at the two of them with such dreadful intensity that Rainbow found it difficult not to lean back.
“Unsullied soul!” the mare screamed. “Forgotten Element! Why have you returned?”
Her voice was a whisper and a roar at the same time. It filled the chamber, echoing from one end to another, and yet Rainbow had to strain to listen. It was a babble of voices in a hundred languages, and yet also clear, perfect Equestrian. The sound was echoed by a chorus of reedy voices that Rainbow had to assume were the ghostly ponies surrounding them.
Renewed resolve or no, Rainbow was of half a mind to turn tail and flee, but Firefly stood her ground and stared at the strange creature. “I require more information about Them.”
“We have told you all that there is to know!” The voice rose in pitch until it became a scream. “We warned you before not to tread this path again!”
Tall, lean shapes pressed out of the darkness around them. Each pony was enclosed in a thick black robe and wore an iron bird mask. They glided with unnatural grace, forming a circle around them.
Rainbow tensed, her legs ready in case they tried to near. “Firefly?”
“Steady,” Firefly murmured out of the side of her mouth. “Just be ready to hit and run if it comes to it.” In a louder voice, she challenged the bethroned mare. “I am no weak Lost to be bullied like the rest. I come with my replacement, the current Element of Loyalty, to demand information.”
“Demand? You demand nothing. Faux flesh or figment, you are weak, and we are strong.” The mare sneered, her dry skin cracking. “Sing for us again, little birdy. Dance like a good little girl. Perhaps we’ll let you fly away home.”
Firefly’s cheeks flushed, but she didn’t look away from the mare’s gaze. If anything, her eyes hardened and her gaze intensified. “You’re mistaken. You are the one who is weak. You are a slave queen, a prisoner in your own palace. When you tried to tell everypony in your kingdom about Them, about how the world was shifting under your feet, They clasped their claws about you and rent your life from you, just as They did mine.”
The servants drew nearer. Frost rimmed their masks, making white crystals around the empty eye sockets. Rainbow snarled, jumping slightly on her hind hooves to warn them.
“You couldn’t take it, though, could you? No,” Firefly said, “you couldn’t stand the fact that you were helpless, that you couldn’t do anything to stop it, that your position and station in life meant nothing.”
The mare grit her teeth, opening her mouth to bite back.
Firefly stamped her hooves and shouted over the voices. “Worse than nothing! Your kingdom isn’t even dust on the wind any more. They ripped it from history and replaced it with nothing! No one remembers you, nothing marks your passage, your works aren’t even tumbled sand, they’re figments and dreams that only the Lost can see!” She spun and struck out at one of the servants with her hind legs, sending his mask flying with a ringing report. A ghostly stallion howled and covered itself against the blue firelight, shriveling in his robe until he was a puddle of cloth.
“Look upon me and know your shame!” Firefly spread her wings and hovered to look the seated mare at her level. “I have fought against Them and I am still here! I am still me! Untouched, untainted, and still willing to fight! You cretins hide in your tombs and forget what sunlight is, but I am out there fighting. You cowards are the weak ones, and I am strong.
“And you know what?” Firefly said. “I’ve discovered something. We’ve all believed that They are invincible. We think They’re immortal, omniscient, without fault and without flaw. This little mare—” She pointed down at Rainbow Dash “—and her friend found out just how weak They are. She’s run circles around Them, finding out Their weaknesses and evading Their grasp. Her friend gave up her own self so that we could find out what we needed. You are not going to stonewall us, or I swear that my last act as a free being will be to destroy even this sick, pitiful, twisted remnant of you.”
Firefly’s ringing condemnation hung in the air as echoes for a long time. Even the cold servants watched her now, their masks turned upwards.
Her voice was quiet as she went on, but she had no need of shouting anymore. “I know that They can be beaten. I know that we are the ones who can do it.” She swept a hoof around the room. “We, all of us, can go back to living. Are you going to stand against us?”
The chalky mare stared at her silently. The drifting forms of the Lost gathered in the corners of Rainbow’s vision. The cold servants turned their gazes to the queen. Rainbow held her breath.
The queen’s eyes shut. “There is nowhere for us to go back to.”
“We’ll find a place. It may not be the one you left, but it will be a place. One not frozen like this one.” Firefly settled back down to the walkway, looking up at her.
“Even if we agreed, we have nothing more to say. There is nothing more about Them that we know.”
Firefly shook her head. “No. There’s no direct knowledge that can help us. What we need to know is: what one thing, in all the world, has never changed? In all the thousands, maybe even millions of alterations They have made in pursuit of the Plan, what one thing is immune?”
“There is no such place,” the queen intoned, “nor is there such a thing. Better to ask us for the secret of life itself. You might amuse yourself in the fashioning bone and flesh from base matter, before They find you and finish you off.”
Rainbow stepped forward. “There is. They cannot change the Door to Their land.”
The queen’s eyes opened and hardened. “It was we who told Firefly this truth. Even if so, what is that to us? How can we possibly locate it? In all the world, in all of time.”
“It’s more simple than you might think.” Rainbow shook her head and made a swirling gesture with her hoof. “The changes They make have to be worked around the Door. If they can’t alter the Door, it’s always going to stand out.” She glanced around at her spectral audience. “If I’m touched by a front of air, I can usually tell if there was a mountain or a valley in the way. It bears an imprint.”
There was a soft hum, a harmony of many voices speaking at once. The queen, shifting her head stiffly, closed her eyes again. Rainbow Dash and Firefly waited, watching.
It began with sibilant whispers in a dozen languages. They swelled around them, thrumming with activity. “Two thousand years and more,” the queen’s high voice said, apparently synthesizing the discussion. “Changes uncounted. Hill and dale, mountain and ocean, forest and plain. From deserts to cities to black, bubbling swamps. Be they changeling, buffalo, minotaur, griffin, or even pony, no one is safe. Even the Elements of Harmony have taken on different forms and appearances.”
Rainbow’s shoulders slumped. Her ears drooped.
“This is not to say that all things changed.”
“Wh—Hey!” Rainbow stamped a hoof. “Say that first next time!”
The white orbs watched her, and the chamber was filled with dry, rippling laughter. The paralyzed queen laughed until her papery chest heaved, showing her ribs and a hollow gut. “Yes! There are! Places They have not touched in our span!”
Firefly cupped her ears forward intently. “So… where is it?”
The queen caught her breath, such as it was, with only a few spare chuckles remaining. “We said places. Plural, multiple, many. They stretch back in time.”
Rainbow felt her heart sink. After coming all this way. After everything we’ve been through. “No… it can’t end like this. There must be something we can do!”
“There is, would-be hero. You have one way open to you.” The queen let out a long breath. “You must go deeper. Deeper into the Dream, to memories dimmer than ours.”
Rainbow exchanged a look with Firefly. The latter turned back to the queen. “I’ve never been that far. Can you show us the way?”
“One of us will. Hurry, would-be heroes. You have…” The queen took a deep breath. “You have brought some speck of light here. Do not return again.” Her eyes flashed with a cold fire. “Should you fail, we will bear the darkness that follows less ably than we did before you reminded us what hope looked like.”
One of the cold servants slid forward, gazing at the pair of them. Firefly nodded to him, then again to the queen. “We will not return. Either we succeed or we fail—I can’t imagine there being many more chances.” She turned and walked after the servant, who glided noiselessly across the walkway, back out of the chamber.
Rainbow gave one last look before she joined them.
* * * * * * *