LAWL! You know what number chapter this is? I mean yes it’s chapter 9 of Book 3, but I mean total chapter! Guess what number it is and you’ll see why I’m laughing. Anyways, welcome to another session of the Friendship is Epic challenge! In this challenge, we’re having a slight crossover with the characters from the Friendship Mafia story! Oh, have you read that yet? It stars Herb Leafhorn, my former school bully, and how he joined the mob and how he dealt with his father. If you haven’t already, you should read it! I strongly suggest reading it before chapter 15, alright? Just warning you ahead of time. So yeah, that brings me to the FiE challenge. You know Angel Heartstrings, right? Herb’s friend and Lyra’s cousin. He says ‘man’ a lot. For every time he says ‘man’, I have to stuff a garlic roll in his mouth. Well finally! A challenge that doesn’t involve walking to be more difficult! Anyways, let’s begin!
We start off the story in, once again, inside my trailer. Don’t worry, I promise we won’t start in my trailer on chapter 11. I can’t promise chapter 10 because I already started it. So I was inside my trailer, just hanging outside my front door, and I was taking deep breaths very nervously. “Flare, are you alright?” Crème asked.
“DON’T KILL ME!” I yelled in fear. I then calmed myself down after I figured out who it was. “Oh, it’s just you, Crème.”
“That a problem?” she asked.
“No! That’s not a problem at all, babe! I swear!” I swore.
“Hmm…” she looked at me suspiciously. “Alright… I believe you.”
“Good.” I said in relief.
“What’s going on, Flare? Isn’t it time for work?” Crème asked.
“I know it’s time for work, I’m just- wait… why aren’t you at work yet?” I asked.
“I go with you, remember?” Crème reminded me.
“Barely.” I said. “Sorry, Crèmey, I’m just too nervous to go outside today. I think I should call in sick.”
“It’s because it’s foggy out right?” Crème asked with an attitude.
“CRÈME?! This is a big deal!” I freaked out. “It’s so foggy out today! Anything could happen out there!” I opened the door slightly and looked outside and there was fog everywhere. I could barely see the houses in front of my trailer. “I mean… it’s not safe anywhere! I’m not sure which way I should go! Should I go,” I faced left, “towards the fog of death,” I faced right, “or towards the fog of oblivion? I’m going to die!”
“You know, you make a very good point.” Crème nodded nervously. “C-can I call in sick today?”
“You’re excused.” I said nervously as I shut the door.
“Let’s sit on the couch with a blanket over us, and cuddle as we comfort eachother and make us less scared.” Crème suggested.
“What are you trying to do, Crème? Make me WANT to go out there?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, Flarey!” Crème said nervously. “Please don’t go out there! I don’t want the fog to kill you!”
“I don’t want the fog to kill me either.” I said. “I’m going to put this trailer on full-lockdown. The fog won’t get in and kill us all.”
“You do that.” Crème agreed.
“No, you both are being ridiculous right now.” Water said. “Both of you are going to work!”
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” I asked her. “I have no problems with you being out there.”
“Don’t worry, Flare. I’m leaving now.” Water said as she leaves the trailer.
“NO, WATER!” Crème yelled. “FLARE?! How could you let your sister go out there?!”
“Because I want her to move out.” I said.
“YOU WANT HER TO DIE?!” Crème yelled.
“Good point.” I nodded. “Time to lockdown my trailer.”
“But she could be in big trouble!” Crème reminded me.
“Look at my face right now, Crème. Look at it.” I instructed her. “Does it look like I care?”
“No but you have a nasty pimple on your lip.” Crème said.
“WHAT?!” I yelled.
“Oh yeah you do.” Crème nodded as she looked at my face, but there was no pimple there.
“I don’t feel a pimple.” I said as I felt my lip.
“It’s one of those pimples that you don’t know it’s there unless you look at it.” Crème said.
“I gotta look at it then!” I panicked.
“No time for that! We have to go out there and rescue Water! She’ll know what to do!” Crème suggested.
“You’re right!” I agreed as I opened the door, and then I shouted, “I’M COMING TO RESCUE YOU, SIS!” and then I charged outside to look for Water. Crème stayed behind because she was too nervous.
“I… I’ll be here if… if you need me!” Crème shouted out nervously.
I bravely ran through the fog and searched every where for Water, but there wasn’t a soul out here. It was spooky. I almost hit a few trees, market stalls, walls, and I did trip over a traffic cone. “A traffic cone? In Ponyville? How?” I asked curiously as I stood back up and continued looking for Water, but I decided to run back to the cone, pick it up, and put on my head because it looks cool. I then continued to look for Water. “WATER?! WATER, WHERE ARE YOU?! WATER- Whoa!”
“OW!” Water yelled as I banged into her. “Watch it, Flare! I’m here, and I’m safe!”
“Good because we have to return to the trailer! It’s not safe out in this fog!” I informed her.
“I walked through the fog and I’m just- Flare, why do you have a cone on your head?” she asked.
“It looks cool.” I said.
“Yeah it does.” Water agreed. “Look, Flare, we’re both out here in the fog, and we’re both fine, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, FOR NOW!” I said nervously. “The fog spirits will catch us any minute now!”
“What’s your reason to hate fog so much?” Water asked.
“I mean think about it, sis. Clouds on the ground? It’s just not natural!” I said. “Why would the pegasi put clouds on the ground? It makes no sense! Not to mention, there are stories about ponies disappearing when they walk into the fog. Poof! All gone! Bye-bye!”
“Flare, those stories are just myths. You and Crèmepop are overreacting.” Water said. “You two are as dumb as a channel changing networks.”
A cutaway shows a modified version of the hospital scene in the Rainbow Falls episode. Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps in a hospital room while the Hub logo is lying down on the hospital bed. Fluttershy says to the Hub, “We just wanted to let you know that we're so sorry you're sold out, but you shouldn't worry a bit about not being able to be the channel we want. We'll be all right. We even have a replacement.” Over at the hospital door walks in the Discovery Family logo. The cutaway ends.
“You know, sis, I don’t know why you’re calling us dumb. I mean, we’re not the ones that are falling in love with the first tough ponies we meet and think us two belong together, and then we get dumped.” I said.
“What are you saying, Flare?” Water asked.
“You know what I’m saying, sis.” I said.
“No I do not.” Water said.
“You’re in denial; it’s not healthy to be in denial.” I informed her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about; just… just leave me alone!” Water said angrily as she walked away.
“Wait! Water! How do I get rid of the pimple on my face?!” I shouted.
“Crèmepop lied to you; how many times do you have to fall for her tricks?” Water asked from the distance.
“Wait a minute.” I thought to myself. “Why am I asking Water to help me?! She’s no medical expert! What’s wrong with me?!” I then looked around at the fog around me and then I said in an uncaring tone. “Well… I’m gonna die.”
Hey, you readers wouldn’t believe this! After that last sentence, I checked the amount of words I got, and it said 1,337! Wow! Leet words! Ahhhhh! Anyways, I was lost in town. It was too foggy and I couldn’t see. I can’t believe my marefriend, whom I love dearly, tricked me into coming out here! I hate her so much! GROANS! I was really nervous. “I hear hoofclops.” I said nervously. “Hello? Is somepony following me?” I stopped and looked back and I no longer heard the hoofclops. I continued walking and I immediately started hearing the clopping sounds again. I then stopped again and the clopping sounds stopped. “I’M NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING YOU’RE SELLING!” I yelled. I started walking again and then I started hearing the clopping sounds again. “WHY ARE YOU ONLY CLOPPING WHEN I’M WALKING! It’s like you know my every move!” Just then, I heard a shadow run passed me in the background. “What was that!? Hello? Hellooooo? I’m officially scared right now, brah! Whatever you’re doing, STOP! I demand you to stop!” I then saw a shadow up ahead dragging something to the sky. “I SAW THAT! I SAW THAT! RUGHDUHDUH! RUDDAH! RUDDAHAAA!” I started backing away slowly. “NO! GET AWAY! I WANT TO GET AWAY! I WANNA FLY AWAY! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!” Just then, another shadow ran passed me from behind me. “NO! Don’t you dare be sneaky with me! DON’T! Why does my work have to be so far away from my trailer? I could’ve made money at home on the internet!” Just then, I felt a tap on my shoulder. “NO! AYE-YA! I told you not to do that!” I karate chopped whoever was behind me and whoever it was collapsed on the ground.
“Is it dead? I dunno! Maybe I should whack it with a crowbar just in case.” I then heard another shadow swoop pass me, picking up something from the ground, and then flying up to the sky. “Oh no, there’s more?! I can’t take this fog anymore, braaaaah!” Another shadow appeared in front of me which really startled the living bajeebers outta me, so I karate chopped that too. “CRUSE YOU!” I yelled as the shadow collapsed. “Wow… I’m good. I’m usually never that strong. I think I learned in Health class that ponies become stronger when they’re in distress; either that or they just do it unintentionally. Like when I bite my tongue. It only hurts real badly if I bite it unintentionally, but if I bite it on purpose, it doesn’t hurt as much.” I saw another shadow pick something up the ground again and drag it to the sky. “STOP BEING WEIRD, FOG SPIRITS! Wait… not spirits. If they were spirits I wouldn’t be able to karate chop them. STOP BEING WEIRD, FOG GHOSTS! Yeah, that’s better. I mean Danny Phantom is able to punch ghosts, so they should be punchible, but then again, he has ghost powers too, so I’m not 100% sure.” Another shadow bumps into me and I suddenly karate chop that one too. “EH-BEH!” I shouted.
“Oh.” The shadow said as it passes out.
“Yeah ‘oooooooooh’ you should watch where you’re going, Fog Monster!” I criticized it. “Nah, not fog monster. Need to be a little more original than that.”
“Flare…” a voice echoed from the distance.
“WHA-?!” I shouted in fright.
“Fla-are…” the voice echoed again.
“DON’T KILL ME!” I begged. “RUDDAH-RUDDAH! Ruuuuh!”
“Flare… don’t be scared. Everything is ok.” The voice echoed.
“THAT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO TRUST YOU EVEN MORE!” I yelled.
“Don’t be scared, Flare.” The voice echoed again.
“I’LL KARATE CHOP YOU!” I threatened.
“You’re not going to listen, are you?” the voice asked.
“No, not really.” I said calmly.
“Ok then.” The voice said as the shadow of the voice tackles me and starts carrying me away.
“NO! NOOOO! LET GO! DON’T KILL ME, FOG PHANTOMS!” I begged. “Actually… no, that’s like fog spirits.”
“I’m taking you back to your shop.” The shadow said as it kept carrying me away.
“TIZ A LIE! You got the wrong pony! My name isn’t Flare, it’s… umm… Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen. Yeah I’m number one!” I lied. Well, sort of a lie. I am number one, that was the only truth in the sentence. “AAAH! HELP ME! Somepony!? ANYPONY?! HEEEEEEEEELP!”
Meanwhile at my shop, Bonnie and Lyra have been sitting there, wondering where I am. “I hope he isn’t taking another day off.” Bonnie said.
“He wouldn’t do that without telling us first. Would he?” Lyra asked.
“He did that many times.” Bonnie said.
“But all the times he’s been taking days off, he’s helping out his Noble Six friends with something, like this so-called Swinebutt.” Lyra reminded her.
“Lyra, I highly doubt that. All of these stories about ‘Swinebutt’ is just a myth.” Bonnie said. “It sounds like a made-up name, I never met the guy, and what kind of pig builds robots and clones for a living? We ponies are the intelligent ones, not pigs.”
“I met a very smart dog once. He had some sort of human kid with him with weird glasses.” Lyra said. “Actually they both had weird glasses.”
“Ok I might believe the dog thing, but those myths known as humans; that’s gotta stop.” Bonnie complained.
“But that’s not all: the dog had a bowtie on him, so you know he’s cool.” Lyra said.
“WAAAAAAAAH!” I cried as I was carried inside my shop by Blaze. “WAH! I’M A BIG BABBY! I WANT MY MOMMY!”
“There you are, Flare! Where have you been?!” Bonnie complained.
“FOG… SHADOWS… KARATE CHOP… MAKING UP NAMES!” I freaked out.
“Crèmepop called and said that Flare didn’t return with Water.” Blaze explained. “She said he might’ve been taken away by the ‘fog beasts’.”
“FOG BEASTS! That is a good name! My marefriend is such a genius!” I said excitedly.
“Keep an eye on him, will ya?” Blaze asked.
“You got it, Sergeant Goldheart!” Lyra saluted to him.
“I’m a Lieutenant actually.” Blaze corrected her. “I’ll be back on my lunch break, Flare.” Blaze said as he flew away.
“Are you ok, Flare?” Lyra asked as she walked up to me.
“I never felt so scared in my life! I thought I was gonna die out there!” I said.
“By fog?” Bonnie asked.
“Fog is bad news, Bonnie. Baaaaaaad news.” I said.
“That’s not even what we soooooound like!” a sheep complained.
“I’m not even going to ask what happened out there.” Bonnie said. “I can’t believe I’m saying this though, but… what are your orders for today, boss?”
“Same ol, same ol.” I said as I stood up because I was laying on the ground before. “Only this time: keep an eye on the doors. I don’t want any fog spirits coming in.” I then took out a paddle-ball from my vest pocket, started playing it with, and then I said, “I’ll be ready for them!”
“A paddle-ball?” Bonnie asked.
“Deadliest weapon ever.” I said.
“How?” Bonnie asked.
“One small misstep and this thing hits you in the head hard!” I said as the paddle-ball suddenly hits me in the eye. “OW! See? Like that!”
“Wicket.” Lyra said in amazement. And so, I was a bit shaken, but I was able to do my normal work duties. It was getting from home to here that was hard. Lunch break came, and the Noble Six came in to order some food.
“Hey, Flare!” Psyche greeted me.
“GETLOSTFOGBEASTS!” I yelled as I hit Psyche in the eye with the paddle-ball.
“OW!” Psyche yelled as he held his eye in pain. “What’s wrong with you?!”
“Flare, the fog’s been gone for an hour already.” Aqua reminded me.
“That’s what the fog beasts would WANT you to think!” I said. “How do I not know YOU’RE not fog beasts?!”
“Hmm…” Crystal thought. “That’s a good point, Flare. We don’t know! WE MIGHT BE FROG BEASTS!” she freaked out.
“No, not ‘frog beasts’, ‘fog beasts’.” Engie corrected her.
“How do I know? They both sound the same.” Crystal said.
“Yeah, it’s a common mistake. The word ‘frog’ and the word ‘fog’ do sound pretty similar.” Engie said.
“No I meant fog beasts and frog beasts sound the same. They make the same type of rawr.” Crystal said. “Or at least that’s what I found through research.”
“Don’t worry, man. The pegasi carried all the fog back into the sky, as where they should be. So how you holding up, man?” Blaze asked me.
“I’m feeling better, Blaze.” I said. “I’m glad I survived through the fog. Thanks to you, dude!”
“Are you sure there aren’t any fog spirits though?” Engie asked.
“I’m sure, Engie.” Blaze said.
“Because when the fog cleared, ah saw some ponies lying passed-out on the streets.” Engie said.
“Yeah, I did too.” Aqua said. “My sister was helpin’ the other pegasi out in liftin’ the fog back into the sky, but she heard screammin’.”
“Yeah, and my Thundy was one of the victims to get struck by the fog.” Crystal said. “He had a big bump on his head because of it.”
“This is an Ox News special report, with your host, Grass Marks.” The TV announcer said on my TV.
“Good afternoon, this is Grass Marks with a special report.” The news anchor started.
“Yeah, I just said that.” The TV announcer reminded him.
“We’re here on the streets of Ponyville where seven ponies were struck by a blow to the head, and not the way you may think. A lot of ponies with weird minds these days.” Grass Marks said. “We’re here with one of the victims that got struck by whatever was in the fog in the morning.”
“Yeah I was about to head to the skate park to do some stunts, dude!” Black Thunder said on the TV.
“In the fog?” Grass Marks asked.
“I like to live dangerously!” Thunder said.
“That’s my Thundy!” Crystal commented.
“I was walking through town heading to the park, when I tapped on somepony’s shoulder because I needed to ask for directions, but then this pony starts screaming, and before I knew it, I woke up and the fog was cleared, and I had a big bump on my head.” Thunder explained.
“And how do you feel about this situation?” Grass Marks asked.
“I couldn’t care less.” Thunder admitted. “I was probably going to have a bigger bump at the skate park anyway, so I thought of this as a blessing in disguise.”
“See? The fog isn’t safe!” I pointed out. “A lot of ponies passed out on the streets!”
“Just a mere coincidence it would seem.” Psyche assumed. “They probably bumped into something. It was hard to see through that fog.”
“I was just passing through the fog when suddenly, somepony karate chops my head.” My friend Adventure Blade said on TV.
“KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEITH!” I cried out.
“I just said ‘oh’, and then I passed out.” Addie said.
“Why didn’t he respond to me?” I asked. “Come to think of it. He didn’t respond to my last poke.” I checked my phone to see if he poked me but he didn’t.
“He’s on TV, how could he hear you?” Psyche reminded me.
“Wait a minute… Flare? Didn’t you say something about you threatening to karate chop me when I was trying to rescue you from the fog?” Blaze asked.
“I’ve been karate chopping fog beasts before you saved me.” I said. “Don’t worry, brah. I don’t always need magic to protect myself. In fact, I haven’t used my magic in a while. I think I forgot I was even a unicorn.”
“Addie did say on the news that he was karate chopped before he passed out. Do ya know anythin’ about that, mate?” Aqua asked me.
“The fog beasts must’ve been karate chopping too.” I thought.
“When I heard karate chopping through the fog,” Aqua’s sister Wind Racer said on TV, “I think I heard a familiar voice making those ‘aye-ya’ sounds.”
“Did you identify the voice?” Grass Marks asked.
“I think I have a few possible suspects.” Wind Racer said.
“Yeah I think ya should leave town for a while, mate.” Aqua suggested.
“Yeah, I think I should.” I agreed.
“Doesn’t your sister look so adorable on TV, Aqua?” Psyche asked.
“She sure does.” Aqua agreed. So I immediately went home to pack my things for my trip back home.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come, Crèmey?” I asked.
“And risk having the chance to have this whole trailer to myself?” Crème asked. “I’m not going to waste an opportunity on that! I mean don’t get me wrong, Flarey, I love you with all my less than threes, but I mean this is YOUR trailer! I mean… it’s a dream come true!”
“You’re really obsessed over me, aren’t you?” I asked.
“Very!” Crème said. “I never had any friends so being obsessed with a special somepony is a big deal.”
“You do make a good point.” I said. “You were living in Everfree many years. Besides, I’m glad to be going home back to Mareami! It’s my nana’s birthday, you see. I wouldn’t want to miss that for the world!”
“Well I hope you and Water have a great time!” Crème said.
“Don’t worry, we will!” Water said as she entered my room. “It was nana that actually raised us. Mom and dad were too busy at work, and grandma had her shop, so it was just nana that was available.”
“I love nana so much!” I said.
“I love her too!” Water said. “I bet she can’t wait for her to see her little cutie pies!”
“BIG cutie pies.” I corrected her.
“I have no problem with being called little.” Water said. “I still think you being called ‘big’ all the time is what made you big in the first place, both height and weight.”
“Me being a big pony has its advantages.” I said as I put my arm around Crème. “Makes me feel like a teddy bear in bed.”
“It sure does!” Crème agreed.
“How do you know? You never slept with me.” I reminded her.
“Or did I?” Crème asked as she gave me a smirk.
“No you didn’t.” I corrected her.
“You’re right, I didn’t.” Crème agreed.
“Alright, well I’m done packing.” I said as I zipped my suitcase.
“I’m done too!” Water said.
“Already?” I asked. “How is that possible?”
“I never unpacked my suitcase from my last trip.” Water said. “It saves effort and time.”
“Then let’s roll! We’re going back to Mareami!” I said.
“WOO HOO!” Water shouted in excitement.
“RAH-HAHA-HAAAAA!” I laughed.
Crème gives Water a big hug, and she gives me a big kiss. “You two have fun! Call me when you land.”
“I will!” I promised.
“I was actually talking to Water, but ok.” Crème said.
“Bye, Crème! Have fun!” I said as I exited my trailer along with Water. “Take care of the fishies, alright?”
“How about me taking care of myself? Do you care about that?” Crème asked.
“I don’t care what you do to yourself; just take care of the fishies.” I instructed her.
“Wow… why do I love you so much?” Crème shook her head and asked.
“Because I’m Flare Gun, that’s why!” I said.
“That’s what I was thinking!” Crème said.
“Wow… you’re so lucky to have a pony like her, Flare.” Water said upsettingly. “Don’t lose her, bro. She’s a keeper.”
“She is!” I agreed.
“I mean it!” Water said.
“Ok, ok, I hear you, sis! Relax!” I instructed her.
“I MEAN IT!” Water yelled at me. “Don’t break her heart!”
“What’s wrong with you, sis?” I asked.
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?!” Water yelled at me. “You’re the one that believes in fog beasts!”
“Crèmey can you believe this pony, babe?” I asked Crème, but she didn’t respond. “Babe?” I looked back and she was alright inside my trailer alone (well, sorta alone), with the door closed, and she starts going through my clothes, throws them everywhere and she starts making clothes angels.
“Weeee! Now I get to go through Flare’s stuff!” Crème said excitedly. She then sniffs one of my socks real hard; so hard that the front end of the sock gets pulled inside one of her nose nostrils. “Ahhh! This is paradise!” she said in an obsessed fangirl attitude when the fangirl sniffs a piece of celebrity’s clothing.
My fish were all freaked out when they saw that happen. “She needs help.” Piddles commented.
So Water and I flew back home to Mareami to attend our nana’s birthday party. I gotta say, it’s good to be back home! I miss the heat, the palm trees, the soothing sea air, and our poor education! Yep, it’s good to be back! We went over to nana’s retirement community because, hey, when you’re in Mareami, the most things you smell here is old ponies. There was a party going on at the club house of the retirement community, and we both came over along with our parents, and we saw our nana Kar Cannon over at the beautiful, yet smelly, Mareami retirement community known as Prissy Pines. Not the best location though. The only way to get there is either through Seastar Island, which is a gated community, the Gadorglades swamps, and the harbor. Was there no room anywhere else? Regardless, it’s the most beautiful retirement community in all of Equestria!
Once we arrived at the community, Water and I ran over to nana and gave her a hug. “NANAAAAAA!” Water and I both shouted in excitement.
“Heeeeeey!” our nana said excitedly as she hugged back. “Good to see you! Umm…” nana leans over to one of her friends and whispers, “Who are they again?” Her friend shrugs.
“Hey mom!” my mom Bow said to nana and gave her a kiss.
“Ah, I remember you! Hey Beretta!” nana said.
“Beretta?” mom asked.
“I mean… umm… Arrow, right?” nana asked.
“Close enough.” Mom said.
“Hey Kar!” our dad Sub-Machine said to her.
“Ah! There’s the big boy! She still married to you, huh?” nana asked.
“Is that a bad thing?” dad asked.
“I should ask my therapist.” Nana said. She then turned to her friend and asked, “Is it a good thing?” Her friend shrugs again.
“Hey McShrugger! How are you?” mom asked. Nana’s friend smiles and nods. “Doing alright, thanks!”
“So my darling grandchildren,” nana starts, “I got you all something special.”
“But nana, it’s YOUR special day! We should be giving YOU stuff!” Water reminded her.
“Shhh, don’t tell her that!” I instructed Water.
“Hey, I’m old and I don’t really need anything else, other than your kisses and your smiles.” Nana said.
“I’d rather not give you my smiles, nana. Other ponies want them too. It’s always good to share.” I said.
“That is true. I taught you well, didn’t I?” nana asked as she rubs her hoof against one of my (face) cheeks.
“Actually the magic of friendship did, but ok, I guess I could give you credit too.” I said.
“I’m so glad you two are here!” nana said. “I missed you both so very much! My final years wouldn’t be the same without you!”
“My final years wouldn’t be the same without you either, nana!” I said. “We all have final years too, don’t we?”
“It all depends on the quantity.” Water said.
“Call it what you like, but when you get to my age, you’ll understand.” Nana said.
“When I become your age I’ll probably be half-pony, half-robot.” I said.
“And I’d be wearing blue lipstick that glows in the dark! That would be amazing!” Water said.
“But wouldn’t it be hard to sleep?” I asked her.
“I sleep with a blind-fold, remember?” Water reminded me.
“Water, I keep telling you not to sleep in your make-up!” mom reminded her.
“And what proof that you have of me sleeping in my make-up, huh mom?” Water asked. “Hmmmmmm?”
“So nana, we got you some presents!” I said as I gave her a present.
“It’s from the both of us!” Water said.
“Yeah only because Water was too greedy to get one for herself.” I said. Water then elbows me in the shoulder. “That didn’t hurt.” I said. She elbows me again. “That one didn’t hurt either.” Water then picks up a chair and hits me in the head with it.
“Did that hurt?” Water asked. I didn’t say anything because… well you know why.
“So what is this?” nana asked as she opens the present.
“Hearing aid!” Water said.
“What?” nana asked.
“I said its hearing aid.” Water said again.
“What?” nana asked again.
“Hang on.” Water said as she places the hearing aid headphones on nana’s ears, activates it, and then she said again, “It’s hearing aid.”
“OW! I hear you! I’m not deaf!” nana complained. “I just don’t hear well is all, and I already have a hearing aid!”
“Which you don’t use.” Mom added.
“They’re very uncomfortable for my ears!” nana said.
“Not these. These are comfee!” Water said.
“And safe to use. No, hearing damage.” I said as I regained consciousness and was rubbing my head.
“It hurt when Water shouted.” Nana informed me.
“I didn’t even shout!” Water yelled.
“OW!” nana yelled.
“Oh… sorry, nana.” Water said.
“Yeah but it hurts, but it doesn’t damage hearing at all!” I said.
“How could it hurt my ears but not damage my hearing, dear?” nana asked.
“Yeah the future is great, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Speaking of time; I wanna show you two something! Follow me!” nana instructed us. So we pushed nana in her wheelchair over to her quarters so she could show us what she wanted to show us.
“How is this following you?” Water asked.
“I bet you two were wondering a bit about pappi’s young life.” Nana assumed.
“No, not at all.” I said. “How did the subject suddenly change to pappi?”
“The life he and I had at our younger days!” nana said as she stands up from her wheelchair, holds her cane and takes us over to one of her rooms. Nana opens the door and shows us a room filled with pictures of her and pappi (he’s our grandpa B-T-W) at their younger years. There were helmets and tools and lots of treasures in this room. There were even banners with skulls on them and the words that say ‘Late Night Riders’. “Welcome, Water and Flare to the memorial of Luger Cannon, otherwise known as your pappi.”
“The nights you were watching over us when we visited this place when we were younger, you made us sleep on the couch, and yet you have a whole room filled with pictures and junk.” Water said.
“JUNK?! How dare you missy?!” nana yelled. “This here ain’t junk! It’s memories of your pappi and I when we were younger. We spent our young lives doing our greatest hobby.”
“Junk collecting?” Water teased.
“That’s strike two, missy.” Nana said.
“Yeah, missy.” I teased Water. “OW!” I yelled as nana hit me with her cane. “How come she gets strikes but I get automatically hit?!”
“You’re a stallion, you’re tough.” Nana said. “Anyways, this is the club that pappi and I used to hang out in all the time. It’s the very place we met many years ago. The bad-boy, hog-ridin’ scooter gang that makes those mob folk seem like sissies: the Late Night Riders.”
“Late Night Riders?” I asked.
“Midnight Riders was already taken.” Nana said.
“How come we never heard of this scooter gang before?” Water asked.
“Oh they were ultimate big-shots back in the days.” Nana said. “They caused trouble, they had fun, they’re strong, they’re fierce, they don’t put toilet paper on public toilet seats when they sit down to go to the bathroom…”
“Wow! THAT’S tough!” I said shockingly.
“And they’re not afraid of anything!” nana said. “Not even their own shadows. Yes the Late Night Riders. I was Luger’s old filly when we were a part of it. Those days made us feel alive! When I gave birth to your mother, it still didn’t stop us from going strong. You’d realize where she gets her tough attitude from.”
“Because she’s Italian.” I said.
“Well… yeah that.” nana said.
“And I heard pappi was Germane.” Water said. “I heard they’re not that tough because they rely on using heavy machinery more than their bare-hooves.”
“Ok you two aren’t making this story very interesting by your non-stop interruption and offensive cultural theories.” Nana said.
“Is Water on strike three yet?” I asked.
“But wait… what happened to the Late Night Riders? Are they still around?” Water asked.
“Yes, but they’re not as big as they once was.” Nana said. “Nopony cares about those old-fashion hog scooter gangs anymore. Now ponies are into more modern machinery. Sometimes I wonder if ponies even listen to their elders anymore and imagine how antique old stuff really is?”
“Perhaps it’s time we took a visit to the Late Night Riders hideout. Maybe we could learn a bit about what they’re all about.” I suggested.
“I’m down with that!” Water agreed.
“Oooooh, I wouldn’t suggest that, you two.” Nana said. “These scooter folk don’t take kindly to strangers. In case you get attacked, I hope you know how to defend yourselves.”
“Perhaps it’s time to give my ol buddy Herb a call.” I said.
“Hey Flare? I have yet to know. How’s your marefriend doing?” nana asked.
“She’s doing awesome! Thanks for asking!” I said.
“What was her name again? Fluttershy, right?” nana asked.
“Wha- Fluttershy?!” I asked.
“No, ma, its Pinkie Pie, remember?” mom reminded her.
“No! I told you I broke up with her! I’m with Crèmepop now!” I reminded her.
“But don’t you ever miss her, pookie?” mom asked.
“I always miss her!” I said. “There are also things I don’t miss about her. I could barely sleep when she’s around.”
A cutaway shows Pinkie Pie playing her one-pony band in the middle of the night. “Pinkie!” I yelled. “Can’t you pick a better time to play your instruments than 3 in the morning?”
“I think it’s the BEST time!” Pinkie said. “Everypony is quiet during this time!” The cutaway ends.
So Water, me, and my ol buddy from the Friendship Mafia, Herb Leafhorn Jr., as well as two of his buddies, Annabelle and Angel Heartstrings all took a ride in a carriage (Angel was driving) to the Late Night Riders bar at the Little Bakey district. While we were riding in the carriage, we chatted it up. “It’s nice to have you back, Flare.” Herb said.
“It’s good to be back, Herb!” I said. “How’s it going?”
“Oh you know, same ol, same ol. Except for this one adventure I had over at Manehatten.” Herb said.
“Yeah you told me about it on your email.” I said. “Poni was kidnapped by a rival gang, and you and the FDA had to go rescue him.”
“Well the FDA was there for a different reason, but we were there for Poni.” Herb said.
“It was intense, ese!” Annabelle said. “Didn’t think we’d make it out alive!”
“Very intense, man. Very intense.” Angel said. I then went over and stuffed two garlic rolls in his mouth. He was pretty surprised and started talking with his mouth full. “Waa waf ‘at for, min?!”
“What was that?” I asked.
After Angel swallowed the garlic rolls, he asked again, “I said, what was that for, man?” Angel asked as I stuffed another garlic roll in his mouth.
“Didn’t you get my email, brah?” I asked.
“What e-ail?”
“I’m not gonna tell then.” I said mischievously.
“How are things with your father, Herb?” Water asked.
“He hasn’t been botherin’ us in a while, but I still think he’s plannin’ somethin’.” Herb said. “We were able to best him in every trick he tried to pull on us.”
“Yeah that’s right, H!” Annabelle said. “Even that classiest trick in the book – the yo mama jokes.”
“I didn’t want to battle him with that because I didn’t want to insult my grandma.” Herb said.
“This is it, men.” Angel pointed out. He said ‘men’ not ‘man’ so it doesn’t count.
“The Late Night Riders bar.” I said. “Look at all those scooters lined up in a row just waiting for somepony to play dominos with them just by leaning on them.” Just then a random scooter pony walks out of the bar to get some fresh air, and he leans over against the scooters as he tries to take his bag of pretzels, but then a bird pooped on one of the scooters.
“I love myself some bad boys! Let’s go in!” Water said excitedly.
“Stay close to us, you two.” Herb instructed us. “We’re here to protect you in case anypony decides to try any funny business.”
“Your mafia-like attitude always makes me smile, Herb!” I said.
“That’s what the Friendship Mob is here for – to spread smiles.” Herb said.
“Well I’m here to spread the lulz.” I said. “Wow… haven’t said that in a while.”
“C’mon! What are you boys waiting for?! Let’s go in!” Water instructed us excitedly as she led us inside the bar. Once we got inside there were scooter ponies playing pool, hoof-wrestling, drinking cider at the bar area, playing pinball, all that stuff.
“Wow! Doesn’t this seem a bit… biker-ish?” I asked.
“Isn’t that the idea, genius?” Water asked.
“They’re scooterers, not bikers.” I corrected her. Just then, everypony suddenly stops what they’re doing and glares at us.
“Oh… I guess we should’ve worn something a little more… black leather so we wouldn’t blend out that much.” I suggested.
“Grrrr.” One of the scooter ponies glared at us from beside us and breathed heavily on us.
“Whatchou lookin’ at, butthead?” Herb asked the pony.
“We don’t take kindly to strangers here.” One of the scooter ponies said.
“Well you’re not gonna like us at all because nopony is stranger than us.” I said.
“Shhh!” Herb shushed me.
“You shush!” I shushed him back.
“Don’t act like a wiseguy to them. We gotta show them we mean no harm.” Herb advised me.
“And this is when I punch them, right?” I asked as I took out a punching glove.
Herb sighs and shakes his head. He then said out loud, “Fellow, scooter ponies, we mean no harm!”
“Look at you, talking to them like we’re aliens or something!” I pointed out.
“Yeah, man, I was gonna say that as well, man.” Angel said. I then shoved two garlic rolls in his mouth.
“These two ponies here, Flare and Water,” Herb started, “are here because they want to learn about the Late Night Riders. Their grandparents were a part of this gang.”
“You like saying our names out loud, Herb?” I asked.
“Yeah serious!” Water agreed.
“Your grandparents were members of the riders, huh?” an old scooter pony asked. “What are their names?”
“Luger and Kar Cannon.” Herb said.
“Cannon!” the old scooter pony gasped. “Well then, it’s good to have decedents of our ol vice president and his girl here! Welcome to the Late Night Riders clubhouse! My name is Steel Wheels, and I’m the leader of the gang, but the brothers call me Wheels of Steel!”
“Nice to meet you Wheels of Steel!” I said with my hoof out.
“YOU may call me Steel Wheels.” Steel Wheels instructed me.
“We’re all brothers at heart, aren’t we?” I asked.
“Wow! It’s nice being at an old-style scooter clubhouse! I’ve always liked tough ponies!” Water said.
“Well we were the toughest ponies around!” Steel Wheels said. “But those were the old days, my friends.”
“We’d like to learn about this gang, brah!” I requested.
“Well I’d love to, but I have to ask you on why you have three mobsters covering your backs?” Steel Wheels asked.
“Trust me, holms, I’m less of a mobster than these two.” Annabelle said.
“We’re the Friendship Mafia.” Herb said. “We keep the peace in the streets of Mareami. We have no interest in ruining your club.”
“It’s a pity that our more honored guests have bodyguards to protect them. I am shocked. If your grandparents trusted us, shouldn’t you too?” Steel Wheels asked.
“We couldn’t be too careful.” I said. “I mean you used to be tough ponies.”
“HEEEEEY!” one of the scooter ponies complained. “We’re STILL tough!”
“Which is why we have the Friendship Mob here.” I said.
“Well if you want to learn about us, I can tell you all about us in my office, but you gotta leave your bodyguards outside.” Steel Wheels said. “I don’t trust you mob types.”
“It is understandable. We’ll wait out here and socialize.” Herb said.
“You do that.” Steel said. “Now then, Flare and Water, follow me to my office.” So Water and I followed Steel Wheels to his office upstairs. I looked back and worriedly looked at Herb.
“Just call for us if you need us. We’ll be right here.” Herb offered. I smiled and nodded as I continued to follow Steel Wheels upstairs. Once we got to his office, he asked us to take a seat, and we did.
“These chairs are uncomfee.” Water complained.
“Want me to put spikes on them?” Steel Wheels asked.
“These are very comfee! Very comfee indeed!” Water nodded.
“I’d like baby dragons on mine, please.” I requested with my hoof in the air.
A cutaway shows Spike glaring at the camera, not saying a word. But after a few seconds, he eventually said to you guys, “I remember when Flare used to defend me against Twilight when he thought Twilight abuses me. Times have changed since then, and I’m just a comic relief character.
“Eeyup!” Big Mac agreed.
“That’s all we’re used for.” Spike said. “Just comic relief.”
“You think we’re actually stupid?!” Snips complained.
“We only do it because Hasbro told us too! They make us male ponies look bad!” Snails complained.
“I was the only other major antagonist that’s a male and I didn’t get much screentime.” King Sombra complained.
“Save the stallions.” They all said.
“I don’t know what you all are talking about!” Discord said as he happily walked by.
“Hasbro seems to love us!” Shining Armor said as he walked beside him. The cutaway ends.
“So pappi used to be the vice president of this club?” Water asked.
“He was a very honored pony and knew how to get the job done. He made me the pony I am today.” Steel Wheels said. “I’ve been living the dream on trying to make this club the best of the best like it used to be! I’m doing it mostly for him. I became president of this club once both Luger and our former leader passed away.” Steel Wheels said and sighed. “Once they left, this club started going downhill. We started losing members fast. Ponies are now more interested in modern machinery, not old hogs like ours. The scooter community wasn’t what it used to be.”
“Uh, head-brother?” one of the young scooter ponies asked as he opens the door slightly.
“I told you not to bother me unless it’s important!” Steel Wheels yelled.
“This is important.” The young scooter pony said.
“What is it then, Hexer?” Steel Wheels asked.
“The bathroom’s out of toilet paper.” Hexer said.
“I thought nana said you ponies don’t use toilet paper?” I asked.
“We just don’t put them on the seats.” Steel Wheels said. “Except for Double T.”
“It’s Double T using the bathroom, head-brother.” Hexer said.
Steel sighs. “Here.” He throws the roll of toilet paper to him. “Tell him to not waste it, alright? We’re in a tight budget.”
“You got it, head-brother!” Hexer said as he winks at Water, and then he walks out.
“Oh my…” Water blushes.
“What?” I asked.
“N-nothing.” Water lied.
“Is Flare ok?” Steel asked.
“I’m fine, why?” I asked.
“Oh YOU’RE Flare. I thought she was Flare.” Steel said.
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“Your bodyguard told us your names, but he didn’t say who was who.” Steel reminded us.
“Right.” I understood.
“Is Hexer single?” Water asked.
“Very single, why?” Steel asked.
“Oh… just wondering.” Water blushes and giggles.
“Hmm…” I thought to myself.
“So is there anything else you want to learn about us?” Steel asked.
“Actually, maybe we could help you.” I offered. “We could help the Late Night Riders be a big gang again!”
“What?” Steel asked.
“I know a bunch of ponies that love to ride scooters! We could help you get your gang back in shape again!” I offered.
“Really? You would do that?” Steel asked.
“We learned to trust you without our bodyguards; how about giving the Friendship Mob some trust?” I asked. “I guarantee they’ll be able to help you as well as us!”
“Well… I guess it’s worth a try, but I already have someone else claiming that offer.” Steel said.
“Who?” I asked.
“I cannot say. He doesn’t wish to be mentioned by name, but he’s a big shot.” Steel said. “He promised he’d help us, and we already made a deal with him.”
“Oh… well… I was pretty excited with helping my grandparents’ gang rise back to the top.” I said.
“Actually, you can help in a way.” Steel said. “We’re in the need of some hardware.”
“Like tools?” I asked.
“Yeah something like that.” Steel said as he takes out an envelope and gives it to us. “Can you run this down to the hardware store tomorrow morning?”
“What is it?” I asked.
“It’s my lunch.” Steel said sarcastically.
“Funny.” I said.
“It’s a note for the hardware.” Steel said. “Don’t open it. It’s not for you to see.”
“I wasn’t planning on it, but now that you told me not to, I’m kinda curious.” I said.
“Don’t open it!” Steel warned me. “I’m warning you now, boy; if you do open it… you will face the consequences! Our gang is not as big as it used to be but we’ll hunt you down! Got that?”
“You’re no Friendship Mob, but I read you loud and clear.” I nodded.
“Good.” Steel said. “Now go ahead downstairs, have yourself a whale of a time, learn what you want to learn about our gang, and tell your nana we said hi.”
“Sounds like a plan!” I nodded.
“It’s been an honor to get to know this gang!” Water said excitedly. “I really want to learn more about Hexer- err I mean, the gang!”
“Make yourself at home!” Steel offered. “Any family of our former vice president is a friend of ours!” So Water and I walked back downstairs to hang out with the scooterers. We saw that Herb and the others were already socializing with them.
“So what you’re a rebel?” a scooterer asked Herb.
“What do you mean?” Herb asked.
“You’re against your own family, against your own history. Doesn’t that make you a rebel like us?” the scooterer asked.
“A rebel would mean I’m against my kingdom, and I’m not against my kingdom, I’m so with it.” Herb corrected him.
“Wouldn’t that mean you’d have to put up the Equestrian flag, salute to it every morning, sing the pledge, and then pay taxes and be proud of it?” the scooterer teased.
“Oh yeah, I see what you did there, it was pretty clever.” Herb said. “Almost like a joke only, y’know, it ain’t funny.” The scooter ponies started laughing.
“Hey Herb!” I said. “Making friends with the locals?”
“Oh yeah, they’re a blast!” Herb said sarcastically.
“That’s what he says when he pays taxes.” A scooter pony teased.
“These scooter ponies are complete nutcases, Flare!” Herb said.
“I’ve met worse.” I said.
“So how did it go with Steel Wheels?” Herb asked.
“Well I offered to help him with making his gang stronger, but he declined it.” I said. “He said he has somepony else who’s a big shot working with him.”
“Well at least you offered, and that’s the important thing.” Herb said.
“That’s right, brah!” I nodded. Just then, I started to hear Water giggling as she was hanging out with Hexer at the corner. “What the?”
“What’s wrong?” Herb asked as he looked over. “Oh, she’s flirting with one of the scooter ponies… interesting.”
“I hope Water knows what she’s doing.” I said. “Almost all of her ex-stallionfriends were tough ponies. What’s with her and tough ponies?”
“I dunno; every pony has their fantasy.” Herb said.
“Do you have a fantasy?” I asked.
Herb was silent for a moment, but he eventually said, “I did once.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“She broke up with me.” Herb said.
“Aww, why? You’re the nicest pony I know in Mareami!” I said. “I mean, there was a time I thought you weren’t, but now I trust you! You’re like my most trusted ally!”
“Thank you, Flare, it means a lot.” Herb smiled. “But what about the Noble Six?”
“They’re my best friends, but you’re one of my greatest allies. See the difference?” I asked.
“Not really.” Herb said. “You forget, I was cheated through school.” I heard Water continue to flirt with Hexer and it got me pretty worried.
“I’m gonna talk to Water.” I said.
“You sure that’s wise?” Herb asked. “She’s not going to listen.”
“I just want to know what they’re doing; I’m not going to stop her from flirting with him. I know it’s not gonna work.” I said.
“I guess talking wouldn’t hurt; as long as they don’t have sticks and stones that is.” Herb said. So I walked over to Water and Hexer to see what they were up to.
“Hey, sis!” I said.
“Flare! This is Hexer Freeway, my new scooter friend!” Water said.
“Scooter buddy sounds more like it.” I said.
“What?” Water asked.
“Nothing, just referencing.” I said. “What’s going on?”
“Oh we’re just talking!” Water said. “Hexer is a very sweet pony! I know he’s tough, but he has a sensitive type. He visits his grandma every Monday, like what we used to do!”
“I love my family.” Hexer said. “They mean a lot to me. I have to be there for them.”
“Awww!” Water said adorably.
“Cool! He doesn’t hit mares, does he?” I asked.
“What?!” Hexer asked surprisingly.
“FLARE?! How could you say that?!” Water yelled.
“I would never lay my hoof on another mare.” Hexer said as he places his hoof on her shoulder.
“Yeah, Flare!” Water agreed.
“I’m just reminding you, alright?” I asked.
“Flare, the past is the past. This is a whole new chapter for me!” Water said. “I mean I just met Hexer here but I feel like we’re feeling a connection.”
“I didn’t pay for my Wi-Fi.” Hexer said. Water started to giggle again.
“C’mon, Water! Unless he’s wearing Axe, how could you be falling for a pony you just met?” I asked.
“I’m not falling for him! What makes you think that?” Water asked. “I’m not going to make the same mistake I did before. I’m getting to know him first. Every single detail!”
“Really?” I asked.
“Trust me, Flare, I know what I’m doing.” Water said.
“She’s smart!” Hexer said. “Most of the time I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
“Wow, a pony of honesty! We have an Element of Harmony right over here!” I said.
“Ok I got a couple of questions.” Hexer said.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Which Element of Harmony is it, and where over here is it, and who’s the pony of honesty?” Hexer asked.
Water laughed again and I just stood there emotionless. “Actually, I think this pony is perfect for you, Water!”
“Aww thank you, Flare! I’m glad he has your blessing!” Water said.
“Did you sneeze?” Hexer asked me.
“Umm… alright then. I’m feeling pretty tired, Water. I’m gonna head home.” I said.
“Can I stay here with Hexer?” Water asked. “I still want to hang with him some more.”
“Alright, but I’m going to leave you here alone. Uhh, Angel? Can you stay here with my sister and look after her?” I asked him.
“Sure, man!” Angel said as I shoved a garlic roll in his mouth.
“Here, Water, you take over.” I instructed her as I gave her my garlic roll bag.
“Take over what? What am I supposed to do with these?” Water asked.
“C’mon, Herb, let’s go.” I said as him, Annabelle, and I walked out of the bar, and we all got inside of the carriage. “Hey Herb, are you sure Angel can protect Water?”
“He could.” Herb said.
“But would he?” I asked.
“How should I know?” Herb asked as we both stepped into the carriage and buckled our seatbelts. “I don’t even know if I would.”
“Look, F, can you listen to me for a moment?” Annabelle asked. “I know it’s difficult to see your sister with a strange tough-looking pony, but not all tough ponies are bad. I mean, look at us. Look at me, look at Herb; we’re tough ponies and we’re nice.”
“He’s got a point there.” Herb said.
“Everypony makes mistakes,” Annabelle said, but as my pappi once said…”
“Is pappi your dad or your grandpa?” I asked.
“Dad.” Annabelle said. “He once told me that, we’re all one in the same, us ponies. Some are more bad than others, but my pappi collects fine artifacts, and-“
“We’re still talking about dad, right?” I interrupted.
“Si.” Annabelle said. “One of the fine artifacts he collects, one of them represents trust. You gotta learn to trust ponies you might not think you could trust. I mean there is the risk of them being untrustworthy, but as long as you try, at least you know everything is ok. We’re all one. Water may make a mistake again, but then again, she might not. Mistakes happen, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose trust in her, because- SON OF A BISCUIT, THAT PONY JUST DINGED MY CARRIAGE!” Annabelle yelled angrily as one a pony parked next to us opened his carriage door and slammed it against the carriage. “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, ESE!? You got a lot of nerve to just ding my carriage and then just attach yourself to your carriage and just drive away! You made a BIG mistake, buddy! No me gusta cuando ponis cometen errores! Va a lamentar el día te haces un lío con Annabelle Alejandro Cortez José Martínez!”
“Is that his full name?” I asked Herb.
“He makes up random Spanish names to make him seem more badflank.” Herb said. So Herb and Annabelle drive me back home because I was tired. I wanted to invite them in, but they said they were tired too and drove off. So I walked upstairs to my parents’ apartment and went into my old bedroom so I could get some sleep. A few hours went by and I had trouble getting to sleep. I mean normally I always have trouble getting to sleep in this bed; you know how old this mattress is? I even don’t know, I’ve had it for so long! This night was different though. I kept getting up and going into the kitchen to get some water. Once I went back into my room, I went on my pad because I just wasn’t tired. I watched some of Markipony’s videos, and poked Keith several times. My mom kept hearing me repeatly saying, “Keith Pwni poked you!” and “You poked Keith!”, so she came in to see what was happening.
“Pookie, what are you doing? It’s 2 in the morning.” Mom asked.
“I know; there’s a clock on this pad.” I reminded her.
“What are you doing up?” mom asked.
“What are YOU doing up?” I asked.
“You were talking out loud while you were poking your friend Keith.” Mom said.
“He prefers to be called Addie.” I informed her.
“Whatever. Why are you still up?” mom asked. “I know you brought your computer and gaming systems with you when you moved, so why else would still be up?”
“I’m worried about Water.” I said. “She didn’t come home at all. She’s still with her new stallionfriend, Hexer Freeway.”
“Flarey, you know how she is.” mom reminded me. “She’s a stubborn brat that’s too desperate to find a normal stallion. We just have to learn to accept it.”
“But pook, her other stallionfriends! They were all using her!” I said. “I have no doubt Hexer might use her as well.”
“Maybe this time might be different.” Mom said.
“How could you be so calm?” I asked.
“Because I had a bad day at work today and I’m in no mood to care.” Mom said. “They always say I’m loud! Do I sound loud to you, Flare?!” she yelled.
“You sound normal to me!” I yelled.
“I figured!” mom yelled. “Ponies don’t understand!”
“Will you two keep it quiet?! I’m trying to sleep!” dad yelled from the other room.
“I’m surprised your loud snoring doesn’t keep you up!” mom yelled. Mom then put her hoof around me and said, “Now let’s not worry about Water. She’ll be home in a bit. You should get some sleep. If you go to sleep, you might see Luna in your dreams!”
“If I stay awake, I might see Luna in real life.” I said.
Mom sighs. “Look do what you want.” She said grouchy. “I really don’t care. Just keep it down. I’m trying to sleep.”
“Alright. I love you so much, just checking! Poke!” I said as I poked her hoof.
“I love you so much, just checking, poke too!” mom said.
“And I’ll see YOU… in the next video!” we both said to eachother. “Buh-bye!”
“Alright good night, Flare!” mom said as she gave me a kiss.
“Night, mom!” I said.
“GOOD night. Don’t forget the good.” Mom reminded me.
“Oh sigh… whatever.” I complained as I laid back down.
“Say it right!” mom instructed me as she was walking out of my room. “You sound stupid when you say it like that.”
“Look who’s talking! You sigh all the time!” I reminded her. Mom sighs as she walks out of my room.
The next morning came, and Water eventually came home from hanging out with Hexer all night. Water was then looking at me quite awkwardly as I was sitting on the chair in the living room, glaring at her. “What are you doing?” Water asked.
“I’m waiting for you to turn on the light, and then get startled by my presence, and then I ask you why you were out all night.” I said.
“I don’t need to turn on the light, bro. It’s daylight out and I could see you.” Water reminded me.
“Kinda ruins the moment that you don’t turn on the light and get startled by my presence.” I said. “I guess I’ll just skip to the question: where were you all night?”
“You know where I was, with Hexer.” Water reminded me.
“Really now?” I asked.
“Yes, really now.” Water said. “I know this might be a little straight-forward, but we became special someponies last night!”
“Why am I not surprised?” I asked.
“I know what you’re thinking, and I sorta agree with you, but Hexer… I believe he’s actually the one for me! He’s very sweet to me!” Water said.
“You said that about all of your past ex-stallionfriends.” I reminded her.
“No but Hexer’s different. He’s so gentle and kind, and funny, and… kind of a low IQ, but who cares?” Water explained.
“All your ex-stallionfriends had a low IQ.” I reminded her.
“You don’t remember the time I dated Swinebutt?” Water reminded me.
“That wasn’t a date; that was you two going to TGI Friday’s, but I was too sick to go, so you both brought me home your leftovers.” I reminded her.
“Then why was it just the two of us going?” Water asked.
“I asked you to go with him because I promised I’d go to Friday’s with him but I was too sick.” I said.
“Theeeeeeen I guess I regret paying the bill for him.” Water said.
“Water, what makes you think Hexer’s the right stallion? He’s a scooter pony! No pony is more abusive than them! They share the marefriends with the whole gang. Is that what you want to be, Water? A property to a scooter gang?” I asked.
“PROPERTY?! That’s harsh, Flare, and very sexist. Nopony is paying any money to buy me! I’m nopony’s property!” Water said angrily.
“Water, look at you! All those ex-stallionfriends you had! They were ALL mistakes!” I said.
“Not all of them.” Water said. “What about that one exchange student that got deported a couple of months later?”
“Ok except him.” I admitted. “He did make delicious tofu.”
“And he taught me how to fight well. I don’t always need my magic to protect myself, unlike you, little bro.” she said as she tapped my horn.
“But, Water, how do you know Hexer is the right pony? You met him last night! It’s the beginning of Frozen all over again!” I said.
“I dunno, Flare, but I just feel like… something tells me I’m into something good!” Water said.
“Wow, what a foreshadow.” I said as music started playing in the background. “My sister is finally gonna have the chance to sing.”
“I woke up this mornin’, feelin’ fine!” Water sang. “Had something special, on my mind! Last night I met a new colt in the neighborhood! Oh yeah!”
“He wasn’t even CLOSE to our neighborhood!” I corrected her.
“Something tells me I’m into something good!” Water sang.
“Something tells me I’m into something good!” Herb, Angel, and Annabelle all popped up and sang as a chorus.
“He’s the kind of colt that’s really fair, and I can tell, I’m his kind of mare. He leaned close to me like I hoped he would!” Water sang as she leaned close to me and was very close to my face. Why was I ok with it? Herb and the guys sang that very part in the background as Water said, “Oh yeah! Something tells me I’m into something good!” Herb and the guys repeated that very part.
“Are you singing the Herman’s Hermits version or the Earl-Jean McCrea version?” I asked.
“We only danced for a minute or two, and then he stuck close to me, the whole night through!” Water sang as she danced with the floor lamp. “Can I be the one in love?”
“Why are you dancing with my former prom-date, Water?” I asked.
“He’s everything I’ve been dreaming of.” The chorus sang.
“He’s everything I’ve been dreaming of!” Water sang.
“Why would you three sing that part?” I asked Herb and them.
“He walked me home and he held my hoof. I knew he wouldn’t just disappear and poof, so he asked to see me next week and I told him I could! Oh yeah!” Water sang as the chorus sang the ‘see next week told I could part’ part. “Something tells me I’m into something good!”
“Something tells me I’m into something- something tells me I’m into something good!” the chorus sang. “Ahhhhhhhhh!”
“Why are you three the chorus?” I asked.
“Nopony else would volunteer.” Herb admitted.
“Understandable.” I nodded.
“You’ve been talking throughout my whole song, Flare. You don’t see me doing that to you, do you?” Water asked.
“The song hasn’t ended yet. I still hear the music in the background.” I corrected her.
“He walked me home and he held my hoof. I knew he wouldn’t just disappear and poof, so he asked to see me next week and I told him I could! Oh yeah!” Water sang as the chorus sang the ‘see next week told I could part’ part. “Something tells me I’m into something good!”
“Something tells me I’m into something- something tells me I’m into something good!” the chorus sang. “Ahhhhhhhhh!”
“You just repeated the last thing you said again.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, so?” Water asked.
“Seems kinda lazy, doncha think?” I asked.
“Well it’s about to get lazier because I’m about to sing that same part again a third time.” Water said mischievously.
“Jeez, even the song ‘Love is an Open Door’ was more original than that!” I complained. “And I hate that song!”
“Why?” Water asked. “It’s a good song!”
“I just don’t like prince charmings.” I said. “They’re untrustworthy and too perfe-“
“Hold on-“ Water interrupted me as she immediately continued singing again. “He walked me home and he held my hoof. I knew he wouldn’t just disappear and poof, so he asked to see me next week and I told him I could! Oh yeah!” the chorus sang their part again. “Something tells me I’m into something good!”
“Something tells me I’m into something good!” the chorus sang.
“I’m into something good, oh yeah, something good!” Water sang as she concluded the song. She then said in a talkative voice, “Woo! My first song! That was amazing! I see what the fuss is about!”
“You have an amazing voice, Water. Don’t waste it on songs that are not original.” Herb suggested.
“Ok your work here is done, Herb.” Water informed him.
“Oh ok; can’t wait to kick us out.” Herb complained as he, Angel, and Annabelle all left the apartment.
“Wait outside for me, Herb. I still need you.” I informed him.
“Ok.” Herb said as he leaves.
“So Water, I hope you know what you’re doing by trusting somepony like Hexer.” I said.
“I trust him with my life!” Water said.
“Can’t you just trust him on Angel’s life?” I asked.
“I HEARD THAT, MAN!” Angel yelled from outside. Just then, I heard Angel gasping as he sounded like he had a mouthful or something.
“Love works in mysterious ways, bro. I’m careful around him, alright? I’m always ready to defend myself if needed.” Water informed me. “But it’s not like I need it.”
“For your sake, and for Wizard of Hope’s sake, I hope you’re right.” I said.
“Anyways Hexer’s waiting for me outside.” Water said.
“YOU JUST GOT HOME!” I yelled.
“I know. I was just here to change my vest.” Water said as she takes off her vest and then immediately puts another one on. “There. Now I’m ready to go!”
“Are you just going to leave that vest on the floor?” mom asked her.
“Moooom! I have to goooooo!” Water whined.
“You’re not a pig, Water. Put that vest in the hamper.” Mom instructed her.
“Thank FAUST she’s not a pig!” I said in relief as I wiped the sweat off my forehead. It’s Mareami, so expect sweat a lot.
“Bro, I know you hate Swinebutt, but don’t blame his entire species for his hatred towards you.” Water advised me as she walks into her bedroom to put her vest in the hamper.
As she was doing that, I got a phone call from my cell phone. I picked it up and said, “Before you say anything, I need more garlic rolls delivered here. I’m running low.”
“If you say so, Flare. I need to ask you something.” Psyche said on the other line.
“What do you need, bro?” I asked.
“Remember my family crest? That Equestrian artifact with tons of magical energy in there?” Psyche asked.
“Yeah, we went to prison because of it.” I reminded him.
“You sure you gave it to Princess Luna, right?” Psyche asked.
“Yeah, why?” I asked.
“Don’t lie to me, Flare. This is real serious business!” Psyche said.
“I’m not getting paid for it, am I?” I asked.
“FLARE!” Psyche yelled.
“What do you want from me, brah? I’m all the way in Mareami right now! My sister has fallen in love with a scooter pony, and I have to deliver a letter to a hardware store! This vacation has turned into a business trip!” I said.
“I thought you were lying low after beating up ponies in town after you thought they were fog monsters?” Psyche asked.
“Fog beasts.” I corrected him.
“Whatever. Princess Luna said the artifact is put into a safe deposit box at the safe in Canterlot. Do you remember the combination?” Psyche asked.
“To the safe?” I asked.
“Yeah, the safe. The very thing that no mortal ponies know the combination for. Yeah, I’m asking you, genius.” Psyche said sarcastically.
“I know you seem desperate right now, but you don’t need to hurt my feelings from your sarcasm.” I advised him.
“I’m sorry, I’m just stressed right now. Can you tell me the combination, please?” Psyche asked.
“I don’t remember it really, but I hid it somewhere safe in my trailer.” I said.
“Where?” Psyche asked.
“I have the feeling my cell phone is being tracked; can we meet on the hard line?” I asked.
“NO TIME! I really need this, Flare!” Psyche yelled.
“Fine. It’s in my middle right dresser. Crèmepop should know where it is.” I said.
“Thank you, man! I appreciate it!” Psyche said.
“What do you need it for anyway?” I asked.
“I’ll explain later, dude. See ya!” Psyche said as he immediately hung up.
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked.
“Talking to Psyche?” mom asked.
“How did you know?” I asked.
“No reason.” Mom lied as she hides her phone tracking equipment behind her back. “Also you said his name.”
“Why say ‘no reason’ and then give me a reason?” I asked.
“It’s done, mom. Can I go?” Water asked.
“Can I meet your new special somepony? I’d like to meet him!” mom requested.
“Sure! I’m not embarrassed!” Water said. Wow, if mom likes him too, nopony will take my side to how bad he could be if I catch him being bad. It’s happened a couple of times before. Dad doesn’t care though, he’s a workaholic. He’s at work now. Mom’s home because today is Saturday, which is the day we visit nana. Perhaps she’ll shed some light to me on if the scooterers could be trusted or not.
Water and mom walked downstairs to go meet Hexer. Hexer was just waiting outside on his scooter while staring at the seagulls up above. “There he is!” Water said excitedly as she gave him a hug.
“Hey babe.” Hexer said as he was still focused on the birds.
“Is everything ok?” Water asked.
“The birds.” Hexer said.
“What about them?” Water asked.
“I don’t trust them.” Hexer said.
“Can we poop on his scooter now?” one of the seagulls asked the other one.
“Shhh… wait for the right time.” The other seagull advised.
“I thought pigeons usually do the pooping on vehicles?” the first seagull asked.
“Ain’t it nice being bad?” the other seagull asked mischievously.
“So this is Hexer Freeway, huh?” mom asked.
“What up, Mrs. G?” Hexer asked. Mom started to chuckle.
“Isn’t he a bad boy, mommy?” Water asked.
“Yep!” mom agreed. “Hey I used to meet a ton of scooterers when I was a foal. You’re the first one I’ve seen in years!”
“We sure have been living under a rock these last several years, huh Hexer?” Water asked.
“Are you starfish?” Hexer asked. Mom and Water both laughed, and Hexer just sat on his scooter in confusion. “What? What’s so funny?”
“YOU!” Water said as she and mom both continued laughing.
“I… I don’t get what I said was so funny.” Hexer said. Hexer felt a little awkward with all the laughing so he decided to try something to get them to stop. “Mind if I turn on some music?” Hexer then turns on his scooter radio and A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton started playing. “Hey, this isn’t the heavy metal station.”
“OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!” Water yelled excitedly.
“This is our jam, girl! It’s our jam!” mom yelled excitedly.
“THIS is our jam.” Water said.
“Ready? 3… 2… 1… go!” mom said.
Just then, mom and Water both started singing the song and moving around to the beat. Hexer just sat there awkwardly and watched them. In the middle of their singing, Hexer decided to sing along, but he didn’t know the words, so he just followed along to what he knew. In the middle of the song, Water yelled, “HIT IT, HEXY!”
“Umm…” Hexer said awkwardly as he started following along to the song, but very slowly. “If I rould ‘all… eh-to the… sky… you ehh TIME would let’s have pie. Cause you know I ehh ehsand miles to eh to just… SEE… YOOOOOOU… oh, umm, tonight.”
“Wow.” Mom said awkwardly.
“Yeah, wow.” Water agreed.
“Impressed?” Hexer asked.
“Umm… what kind of music are you actually into?” Water asked. Hexer then changes the station and some death metal starts playing.
After some time went by, I went downstairs to run an errand. When I got down there, I saw Water nuzzling Hexer as she hops onto the back of his scooter and then Hexer drives off into the sunse- err… I mean sunrise. “Huffs… groans… sighs.” I said as I watched them.
“I don’t trust him that much either, Flare, so you’re not alone.” Herb said.
“I know.” I nodded. “Where’s Angel and Annabelle?”
“Wow… you don’t even ask me how I’m doing.” Herb complained.
“How you doing, Herb?” I asked.
“Terrible because you asked where my friends are without knowing how I am.” Herb complained.
“I’m sorry, alright?” I asked.
“No, too late. You hurt my feelings.” Herb said.
“No, brah, don’t be like that!” I begged. “You want me to buy you breakfast?”
“I’m kiddin’, man!” Herb teased. “Don’t be so gullible, Flare Gun! You’ve always been so gullible! Although, breakfast does sound nice. Thanks for the offer!”
“Forty-five degree angle mouth face.” I commented. “Anyways I have a quick errand to run.”
“Where you goin’?” Herb asked.
“To the hardware store to give the manager this envelope.” I said as I showed Herb the envelope.
“Why?” Herb asked suspiciously.
“I offered to help him out, but somepony else that’s a big-shot already offered to help him, but since I insisted, he made do this errand in giving this letter to the manager at the hardware store.” I said.
“Which one?” Herb asked.
“He didn’t say, but judging by the address on the envelope, he wants me to go to the one at Hoof Point.” I said.
“That’s odd.” Herb said.
“Why is that odd?” I asked.
Herb looked around and then he leaned close to me and said, “A while after you left town and right before I joined the Friendship Mob, I was doin’ a favor for Swinebutt. He wanted me to give a letter to the manager at the same hardware store. He gave me some supplies, and Swinebutt eventually told me they were for a device that could make statue prisons have holograms on them.”
“Wait a minute.” I stopped him. “Did you say a device that could make statue prisons have holograms on them?”
“Are you deaf, you moron?” Herb asked.
“Whoa!” I said in surprise.
“Sorry, that what my old instincts talkin’.” Herb said.
“No worries.” I said. “But that device you were talking about, Swinebutt DID actually use it before to get to me.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Herb asked. “What happened?”
“At Chaos Mountains, the ponies who held the Elements of Harmony got captured by a strange force made of technology.” I explained. “The Noble Six and I were sent by the princesses to rescue them, but we were eventually stopped. The device was used on Discord’s stone prison before he was reformed. Swinebutt used him and the Elements of Harmony to ruin my life. It was pretty much his second most intense plan he pulled on me, and you know the first.”
“That’s bad news.” Herb said.
“But Steel Wheels doesn’t work for Swinebutt, does he?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” Herb admitted. “I think we should read the letter first just to be safe.”
“But Herb, that’s invading privacy!” I said. “It’s illegal to read other pony’s mail, isn’t it? Isn’t it also against Friendship Mafia standards?”
“Sometimes you have to break some rules in order to defeat even greater threats.” Herb said.
“But Steel Wheels told me pacificly that I cannot open it.” I said. “He threatened me that I’d face consequences.”
“Then we won’t open it.” Herb said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“X-Ray goggles.” Herb said as he took out a pair of shades and puts them on.
“Where did you get them?” I asked.
“I stole them from Swinebutt back at the Magic World raid.” Herb said.
“Well then, what are you waiting for? Activate them!” I demanded.
“They’re back at the headquarters. We’ll have to go get them.” Herb said.
“Then what about those shades you just put on?” I asked.
“These are my sunglasses. It’s bright out.” Herb said.
Meanwhile when we were heading back to the HQ to get the X-Ray goggles, Water was riding behind Hexer’s scooter as it rides along the streets of Mareami. Water’s hair was blowing into the wind; the wrong way though. “I’ve always wanted to do this, Hexer! I’ve always wanted to be behind my scooter pony stallionfriend and ride along the streets of Mareami, just feeling the wind in my face, yaddie-yaaaah… but I didn’t expect my hair to cover my face though.”
“I’m sorry what?” Hexer asked.
“Was I talking too soft? Do I need to speak louder?” Water asked.
“No, speak slower. You were talking too fast.” Hexer said.
“Long story short, I’m really enjoying this, Hexy!” Water said.
“I’m enjoying this too, babe! Even though I’m just riding along, not knowing where I’m going. I usually just follow the boys. We travel in packs. This is my first time alone.” Hexer said.
“Bet you’re proud of yourself!” Water said.
“I was afraid of being alone before I met you.” Hexer admitted. “If I don’t ride with the brothers, I get lonely and lost. Now that I have you here, I feel I could take on anything!”
“That is so romantic, Hexer, thank you!” Water said.
“You’re welcome!” Hexer said.
“So being your marefriend. Does this make me property of the Late Night Riders?” Water asked.
“No, you’re special. If you were property, I’d have to share you with the boys. I want you all to myself! I’m stubborn like that!” Hexer said mischievously.
“You are! I like it!” Water said as she cuddled onto his back. Just then, a few scooter ponies showed up and joined Hexer. “Hexer? I thought you were going to be alone?”
“I thought so too.” Hexer said. “Brothers, what are you doing here?”
“Time for the next stage of our plans, brother!” another scooter pony said. “Time to bring that mare you have to the club!”
“Hexer, what is this about?” Water asked.
“Uhh… duckies?” Hexer asked. “I hope it’s about duckies. I could use some duckies today.”
“Bring your lady back to HQ now, Hexer.” One of the scooter ponies demanded.
“B-but… it’s our day!” Hexer begged.
“NOW!” the scooterer demanded.
“Yes, brother.” Hexer said upsettingly.
“What’s going on, Hexy?” Water asked.
“Water, I’m… I’m sorry.” Hexer said.
“No… no you’re not doing this!” Water begged. “Please don’t tell me you were using me too!”
“I never wanted to. Believe me.” Hexer said as he and the whole pack made a U-turn to the opposite direction.
“You… you selfish, scooter-riding, SON OF A- oh hey, my hair is blowing in the right direction now!” Water said excitedly. “I guess we just have to face the wind’s direction in order for the hair thing to work.”
Herb and I didn’t know that was happening to be honest. We were just leaving the Friendship Mob HQ at Little Hoovana and heading back to the carriage. “Thanks for the X-Ray goggles!” Herb shouted.
“Kick yourselves some scooter pony flanks, holms!” Annabelle rooted for us.
“Hmmph… hm… hmph… hm!” Angel shouted with a mouthful of garlic rolls.
“So where we goin’ next, kid?” Herb asked me.
“Kid? We’re the same age!” I reminded him. “I think hanging with Poni so much is making you more like him.”
“Could be.” Herb agreed. “So where are we goin’?”
“To my nana’s. She could tell us a bit about what the scooter ponies might be planning.” I said.
“What about readin’ the letter?” Herb asked.
“I’ll read it in the carriage.” I said as I hopped on, and Herb strapped himself onto it, and then he started to walk. As he started driving the carriage, I started reading the letter with the X-Ray goggles. “Uh huh… uh huh… uh huh… interesting.”
“So what does it say?” Herb asked.
“No clue. I dunno how to work these goggles.” I admitted.
“Press the red button on top of the right lends.” Herb said.
And so, I did, but once I did, a little A.I. voice on the glasses said, “Self-destruct sequence activated. Detonation in 5…” just then I pressed the button again. “Self-destruct sequence deactivated.”
“It’s not the red button.” I said.
“Did you press the left lends or the right?” Herb asked.
“RIGHT! Like you said! Wait, my right or your right?” I asked. “
“We’re facing the same direction.” Herb reminded me.
“Wow… for once, you corrected me. Joining the Friendship Mob made you smarter.” I said as I pressed the red button on the other lends. “Ok, THERE WE GO! Wow… your boxers match your shirt. They both have smileys on them.”
“HEY! Quit lookin’ at my underwear!” Herb complained.
“Relax, brah, you’re not wearing any pants.” I reminded him. I then looked down at the letter and read it.
“Well… what does it say?” Herb asked.
“Oh you want me to read out loud?” I asked.
“That question answers itself.” Herb said.
“Ok the letter isn’t really a note. It’s more like a list of things.” I said. “Metals… tools… wires… I dunno, there doesn’t seem to be anything suspicious about it. WAIT! What’s this?”
“What happened?” Herb asked.
“Nuclear magic?!” I gasped.
“Whoa!” Herb gasped as well.
“Isn’t that magic illegal?” I asked.
“You’re the unicorn here, not me.” Herb informed me.
“Holy Wizard of Strength! That’s… wow! Why would a hardware store sell nuclear magic?” I asked.
“The same store that helped put Equestria at risk.” Herb said.
“Why is he still in business?!” I yelled. “RUDDAH RAH!”
“We had no evidence against him, and we still don’t.” Herb said. “But we do have evidence against the scooterers.”
“We have to see nana, and FAST!” I said. “But we’re going to a retirement community, so when we get there… not too fast. Otherwise the ponies there would think we’re ghosts……. fog beasts.”
Meanwhile at the Late Night Riders bar, some of the scooter ponies tie up Water onto a chair, much to her discomfort. “Are you boys enjoying this?” Water asked sarcastically.
“I’ve had better roleplaying than this.” One of the scooter ponies said.
“Roleplaying?” Water asked.
“Yeah, you know, like Dungeons and Dragons.” The one scooterer said.
“Nerd.” The other scooterer said.
“Hexer, are you just going to let these ponies leave me tied up here?” Water asked.
“You want us to move you to the upstairs game room?” Hexer asked.
“HEXY!” Water yelled.
“They’re my brothers! They’ve been here longer than I. I’m still considered the new brother and I have to do what they say. Wheels of Steel’s orders.” Hexer said.
“Just because they’ve been here longer doesn’t always mean they know what’s best for the gang.” Water said.
“And you think I do?” Hexer asked.
“Well… umm…” Water thought.
“See? Hexer’s just a noob!” one of the scooterer ponies said.
“Stop being such a nerd!” the other one instructed him.
“Then why be a part of this gang then anyway?” Hexer asked.
“Because… I… it runs in the family.” Hexer said.
“And that automatically means you should do it?” Water asked.
“What other choice do I have? Steel Wheels is my grandpa.” Hexer said.
“Really?” Water asked. “Why does that not surprise me that much?”
“Because a pony like Hexer here,” Steel Wheels started as he walked into the room, “he has nowhere else to go, but he can handle himself on a scooter. His amazing scooter skills is what makes up for his low IQ.”
“It sure does!” Hexer said.
“Does that not insult you, Hexy?” Water asked.
“Why would it? IQ means I’m not as much of a loser. Low IQ means a low amount of loser in me, am I right, grandpa?” Hexer asked.
“You got it, brother!” Steel Wheels said.
“That’s not true! That is NOT what IQ means!” Water said.
“Of course it does.” Steel Wheels said as he started to glare at her. “And if you say otherwise, I won’t let you go.”
“You were thinking of letting me go?” Water asked.
“It’s not you we want. We want your brother.” Steel Wheels said.
“Why does everypony want my brother so much?!” Water complained. “You kidnapped ME! Why don’t you want me?! Now it makes me want to stay!”
“Our boss wants him, not you.” Steel Wheels said.
“Your boss?” Water asked.
“Yes, the one that offered us power. Like I said, he’s a big shot.” Steel Wheels said. “He’ll help us get the respect we deserve if we give him Crimson Flare Gun.”
“You really want to do this?” Water asked.
“For the sake of our gang, and my brothers… yes.” Steel Wheels said.
“Don’t you know that Swinebutt isn’t a pig to be trusted?” Water asked.
“I never said Swinebutt was our boss.” Steel Wheels reminded her.
“It’s so obvious! Who else would want to capture Flare?” Water asked. “Swinebutt’s been trying to ruin my brother’s life since he moved to Ponyville, and this is TWICE he used me and my desperation for a hot new stallionfriend to get to him! Well you know what?! I’m never dating anypony ever again! I have HAD IT with being used!” Hexer looked pretty upset after she said that.
“Like we care about that!” Steel Wheels said. “Hey look on the bright side, Water; when we finally have Crimson being traded in for you, you’ll be free to date again without regrets! Swinebutt will have Flare, you’ll be free, the Late Night Riders would rise again, and everypony is happy!”
Water sighed and started to tear up. “Not everypony.”
“Right, except Flare.” Steel Wheels said. “Hey Swinebutt did say Flare hated to be left out.”
“It’s not him I was talking about.” Water said to herself.
Hexer sighed and then said to himself, “It’s me you’re talking about, babe.”
“You’re really bad at talking to yourself, brother.” One of the scooterers said to him. “The whole room could hear you.”
“What? What did he say? I wasn’t listening!” Water freaked out.
So when Herb and I got to nana’s house, she opened the door and let me in. “Flare, why didn’t you call me before you showed up?” she complained.
“Oh sorry.” I said.
“You better have a good reason to be here unannounced.” Nana complained. “I could’ve been naked.”
“Yeah good to see you too, nana.” I said as I gave her a kiss and walked inside, and Herb followed behind me.
“Whoa there!” nana stopped Herb. “You have a lot of nerve showing your face around here, Leafhorn!”
“Relax, nana, Herb and I are friends now.” I said. “He seen the error of his ways and now he’s helping me out.”
“Yeah I don’t trust it.” nana said.
“Don’t worry, Flare. I can just wait outside.” Herb offered.
“But I need you here, brah!” I begged. “You’re my partner in crime in this situation! C’mon, nana! I trust Herb completely after all he’s done for me in the past.”
“Why?” nana asked. “Why would you trust a Leafhorn?”
“Because Herb is one of the Leafhorns that knows the truth of the past. Now please nana?” I begged.
“Old ponies,” Herb said to himself. “they always think of the past. They don’t trust race equals and they don’t trust old family feuds. Believe me, you can’t always teach an old dog new tricks.”
“Who are you talking to, brah?” I asked.
“So Flare, what brings you here?” nana asked.
“I need information about the Late Night Riders. What are they all about?” I asked.
“They’re tough, you should know that.” nana said.
“Yeah, I figured. My sister’s dating one of them right now.” I said.
“Water is a reckless one.” Nana shook her head and said. “If she dates one, she ends up as property to the gang.”
“That’s not good! I really need to go rescue her!” I said.
“It’s not going to be easy.” Nana said. “If you mess with one of them, the whole brotherhood would come after you.”
“I have the Friendship Mob by my side! I’ll be fine!” I said.
“Are you sure? I’ve been in that club before.” nana said.
“You’re a former member. What makes you think they’re gonna listen?” I asked. Just then, my phone started to ring; I answered it. “Sup brah? Who’s this?”
“Wheels of Steel.” Steel Wheels said on the online. “We have your sister.”
“Yeah I know. One of your brothers is dating her.” I said.
“I mean we captured her.” Steel Wheels added.
“Yeah, and?” I asked.
“You seem calm.” Steel Wheels pointed out. “This doesn’t bother you?”
“Of course it does. It just doesn’t surprise me.” I said.
“Really now?” Steel Wheels asked. “That’s unfortunate.”
“So what you gonna do? Train her in the scooter arts, make her clean the club? Lemme tell you something, brah, that place is filthy!” I said.
“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” Steel Wheels said.
“Take it however way you want. It’s still filthy.” I said.
“Wow, you’re no fun.” Steel Wheels said. “Anyways, if you want your sister back, you’ll have to trade us in a ransom.”
“How much money you want?” I asked.
“None.” Steel Wheels said.
“What else do you want then? Is there a treasure I have that you want? Do you want supplies? Do you want information about Princess Luna’s secrets?” I asked.
“No, no, and… wait… Princess Luna’s secrets?” Steel Wheels asked.
“No I didn’t say that.” I said. “WAIT! Is this about that hardware store? If I don’t give you that nuclear magic, you keep my sister?”
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO READ IT!” Steel Wheels yelled.
“You didn’t say I couldn’t read it. You said I couldn’t open it. I didn’t open it though.” I informed him.
“Whatever. Anyways, no; we want you.” Steel Wheels said.
“You want my magic?” I asked.
“No we just want you.” Steel Wheels said.
“To join the army?” I asked.
“No to be our prisoner, in exchange for your sister.” Steel Wheels corrected me.
“Why? You want ME to be your slave?” I asked.
“No we’re just giving you to our boss.” Steel Wheels said. “He’s in need for a pony like you.”
“Swinebutt?” I asked.
“That’s none of your business.” Steel Wheels said.
“If he wants me, it IS my business!” I corrected him.
“Whatever. If you want your sister to be free, you’d come… alone.” Steel Wheels said. “Don’t bring your Friendship Mob buddies with you.”
“Is this a trick?” I asked. “If you say my sister is gonna be ‘free’, are you saying you’re going to let her go, or are you going to… you know… is ‘free’ a figure of speech? How do I know this isn’t a trick?”
“You don’t.” Steel Wheels said. “But do you want to take that risk?” To be honest, I couldn’t. I had to do what he said. For my sister’s sake.
So I hung up on him without saying goodbye and then Herb asked, “What happened? Is Water ok?”
“I… I have to go.” I said as I walked out of nana’s apartment.
“Flare? Flare where are you going?” Herb asked as he started following me out. “Flare? Flare?”
“Don’t follow me, Herb. I have to do this alone.” I said.
“Flare! Whatever you’re planning… DON’T DO IT!” Herb demanded as I then shut the bathroom door on Herb’s face.
“If I gotta go, I gotta go.” I said from the bathroom.
“Oh… ok.” Herb understood.
“And I have a plan to rescue my sister.” I said.
“What is it?” Herb asked.
“Remember to use only two sheets, Flare!” nana yelled out.
“Got it, nana!” I yelled out. I then whispered to Herb, “She’s not even in here; how is she going to know?”
“I HEARD YOU ROLL THAT TOILET PAPER THREE TIMES!” nana yelled.
“Wow! I thought she had bad hearing!” I complained.
Over at the Late Night Riders clubhouse, the scooterers were just waiting around for me to show up… alone. Yeah, right, ‘alone’! Like I actually listen! But in this case, for my sister, I probably should, shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t I, or should I? Should, shouldn’t… should NOT… should YES… should PUDDIN’! RAAAH! RAH! Alright let’s do this.
“I got him!” one of the three scooterer ponies said that captured me.
“Ah excellent work, umm… I’m not sure if I got your names.” Steel Wheels said.
“Oh… umm…” the green scooter pony that captured me thought it out. “I am… Lore… yeah, Herb Lore.”
“And I am… Wilfred Warstache.” The red scooter pony said as he placed a pink mustache on his face. “And I have a lot of criticism and false gossip to spread about this place.”
“And my name is Street Sweeper, man! Cause I sweep the streets, man!” the bluish-green scooter pony said. I then stuffed two garlic rolls into that scooter pony’s mouth.
“I never seen you three before.” Steel Wheels said as he observed the three scooterers that captured me. “How long were you in this club for?”
“For years. We were just part of the background and nopony ever notices us.” Herb Lore said.
“Ah, I see!” Steel Wheels nodded. “Background ponies, huh? Well consider yourselves supporting ponies now!”
“Aw yeah, my friends! This is a bright day for Wilfred Warstache!” Wilfred said.
“Well, Wheels of Steel, I am here. So where’s my sister?” I asked.
“In the back room, but first, let me ask you something.” Steel Wheels started.
“And what is this?” I asked.
“How long did you think this charade would last?” Steel Wheels asked me mischievously, as scooterers began to surround us.
“LET GO OF ME YOU TRECHERIOUS… FLARE, HELP!” Water yelled as Hexer escorted her to the room we’re in.
“YOU FOOL, BROTHER HEXER!” Steel Wheels yelled. “I told you to leave her in the storage room!”
“She said she’d rather be tied up in here.” Hexer said.
“You were always an idiot.” Steel Wheels facehooved himself and said.
“Well it doesn’t matter. I’m here.” I said. “Water can be set free, and you can take me to Swinebutt.”
“I said come ALONE!” Steel Wheels reminded me. “You broke your end of the deal!”
“But I was captured by two of your scooterers.” I reminded him.
“Ok first off: I said come alone, I didn’t ask for any of my brothers to capture you. Second: These are OBVIOUSLY your Friendship Mob friends!” Steel Wheels explained. Yeah, I did make that too obvious, didn’t I?
“Wilfred Warfstache takes no poop from anypony.” Wilfred (who is actually Annabelle) said.
“You broke your end of the deal, Crimson!” Steel Wheels yelled. “Brothers… seize them!” I activated my hornsaber magic spell to protect myself, and Herb and his gang all took out water guns filled with mustard. All the scooterers also took out their weapons which were bee-bee guns.
“We’re outnumbered!” Street Sweeper (who’s actually Angel) yelled.
“IT’S AN AMBUSH!” I yelled.
“No it’s not an ambush. We knew they were here.” Angel corrected me.
“I know, but I just like saying the word ‘ambush’. I like saying that better than saying ‘it’s a trap’. I really prefer ‘ambush’.” I said.
“So… who’s gonna make the first shot?” Herb asked.
“After you!” one of the scooterers offered.
“No, we insist. After you!” Herb insisted.
“Nah man, we need to prove this is self-defense if the cops come. You first.” Another scooterer offered. Three hours went by, and nopony has taken a shot a yet. We were just aiming our semi-harmless guns (and my horn) at eachother without firing a single shot. Most of us were getting bored with this, but we couldn’t let our guard down.
“So scooterers… is it true that you don’t put wash your hooves after you use the bathroom?” Annabelle Warstache asked.
“Ew that’s disgusting! Of course we do that!” one of the scooterers informed him. “We’re tough, but not THAT tough!”
“Gentlecolts, it’s been three hours, and nopony has taken a shot yet.” I said.
“Well whose fault is that?” Steel Wheels asked.
“This is the worse rescue EVER!” Water complained. “What were you trying to plan, bro?”
“Well, Herb, Annabelle, and Angel disguised themselves as scooterers to capture me, and then exchange myself for you, and then once you were safe, the mob was going to help me get out, and then… well… we never planned this far ahead.” I explained.
“Yeah, we didn’t think we’d make it this far, to be honest.” Herb admitted. “I feel that our IQ right now is the way the future of the world is going to be.”
A cutaway shows Squidward Tentacles from SpongeBob just arriving in the future in the episode SB-129. “Welcome to the future!” Spongetron (SpongeBob’s future decedent) said to Squidward.
“Wha… th-the future?” Squidward asked as he looked around very nervously at all the Google Chrome logos everywhere. “Wh-what’s going on? Why is everything… Chrome?”
“Everything is Chrome in the future!” Spongetron said. Squidward nervously ran to the window and saw more Google Chrome logos everywhere.
“Ooooh myyyy… IMPOSSIBLE! He’s lying!” Squidward freaked out. Just then, an Internet Explorer logo suddenly pops up from the ground, and then a van suddenly shows up and a fish guy comes and sprays the Internet Explorer with some spraying, and it suddenly turns into the Google Chrome logo. “HE’S RIGHT!” The cutaway ends.
“Well, I really need an adult now.” Water said.
“And here he is, Water!” Hexer said.
“No, Hexer, you’re not an adult. Not the way you act.” Water said.
“Actually… I think I’m more adult than everypony in this room; mental-wise.” Hexer said.
“Yeah I find that hard to believe, brother.” Steel Wheels said.
“I think what we’re doing is wrong.” Hexer said.
“Noooooo! What was your first clue?” Herb asked sarcastically.
“Old Herb instincts?” I asked.
“No that one was on purpose.” Herb said.
“Head-brother Wheels of Steel. I know you want our gang to become a big name of this town again, but do we have to put other ponies’ lives at risk to do that?” Hexer asked.
“Swinebutt offered us big opportunities, brother Hexer. Now stand down, and quit this munity at once!” Steel Wheels demanded.
“No, brother grandpa.” Hexer said. “I love Water Gun! She’s been through too much, and now she thinks I’m in on this, but I’m not!”
“Wow…” Water said in surprise. “You just saying that out loud to all of your brothers makes me believe you! No suspicions whatsoever!” Water then smiled. “Thanks, Hexy!”
“For what?” Hexer asked. “Oh right, the… thing I said.”
“Well then… that is unfortunate.” Steel Wheels said as he aimed his bee-bee gun at Hexer. “Betrayed by my own grandson.”
“NO! Don’t shoot him!” Water yelled as she covered him.
“You’d take the shot for a pony that betrayed you?” Steel Wheels asked.
“Wha- NO!” Water said as she uses her magic to pick up a table and cover herself and Hexer. “I’d take a shot for nopony! Too risky!”
“You wouldn’t even take a shot for me?” I asked.
“Goodness no!” Water said.
“Would you take a shot for Aqua?” I teased.
“Well… umm… I-I can’t really answer that one.” Water said nervously.
“Lawl!” I laughed.
“Who’s Aqua?” Hexer asked.
“Just a friend.” Water said. “Now quit talking! I’m trying to protect you!” Just then, one of the scooter ponies started to get drowsy from the boredom, and once he was close to falling asleep, he immediately woke back up and took the first shot, which was aimed for the pinball machine. The pinball machine suddenly started glowing in excitement.
“THE FIRST SHOT AS BEEN FIRED, MAN!” Angel yelled as he then stuffed a garlic roll in his own mouth.
“Wow… way to steal the fun, Angel.” I complained as I used my bubble shield spell to protect us from the scooter ponies shooting at us. The Friendship Mob, me, and Water started fighting back once I disengaged my shield. Herb and I ran over and ducked behind the bar as cover. I used my laser blast spell to shoot everywhere, and Herb was doing the same thing with his mustard cannon.
“AAAAAH! MY LEATHER JACKET! IT’S RUINED!” one of the scooterers cried as Herb squirted him with mustard.
“Stop this!” Hexer yelled. “What is violence going to solve?!”
“Hide behind me, Hexy!” Water instructed him as she started using her water blast spell on the scooterers in the room.
“Beware the stache!” Annabelle said as he started tackling one of the scooterer ponies. The scooterer Annabelle was attacking suddenly fought back, freed himself from Annabelle’s tackling, picked him up and threw across the room and right to the floor by the pool table. One of the scooterers tripped over Annabelle and the scooterer landed on the pool table, which moved some of the balls that were on the table. One of the balls was the 8-Ball and was awfully close to the hole.
“NO! NO NO NO NO NO! I didn’t get all my balls in yet!” the scooterer freaked out. “NO! NO, NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO… phew!” the 8-Ball stopped before it was able to get in the hole. Just then, the pool table light falls on him. “OW!” he yelled, but no, the 8-Ball didn’t move still.
Angel was hoof fighting another scooterer, knocking over tables in the process. The scooterer bucks Angel in the face real hard, and then Angel falls on the pinball tabling, tilting it over a bit, which caused a giant ‘TILT’ word to appear on the pinball screen. Herb and I were still taking cover behind the ball to deal with the scooterers. Annabelle and Angel were knocked out, and only a fewof scooterers were either knocked out or too worried about their clothes having mustard on it to fight. There were still many more scooterers left, including Steel Wheels. Steel Wheels was awfully close to Water.
“WATER, LOOK OUT!” Herb yelled.
“What?” Water asked as she lost focus of the battle and then was suddenly shot in the shoulder by a bee-bee gun. “OW! That hurt! That was awfully close to my eye!”
“Oh relax, a blind chick is no use for our gang.” Steel Wheels said.
“In that case, shoot my eyes. I’ll allow it.” Water said with an attitude.
“You think you’d stand a chance?” Steel Wheels asked. “We’re the Late Night Riders! We’re the toughest scooter gang in all of Equestria, nopony can take that away from us!”
“It’s true.” A voice said at the front door. Everypony immediately stopped fighting and saw that nana was at the front door wearing her old Late Night Riders outfit.
“Nana?!” I gasped.
“Sorry I’m late. The buses run pretty poorly in this town.” nana said.
“Old mare Kar Cannon… it’s been too long.” Steel Wheels said.
“It’s not polite to call an old mare old.” Water informed him.
“It’s how they call their scooter marefriends.” Nana said. “Wheels of Steel. When I was here, you were just an enforcer. Now here you are – the president of the Late Night Riders!”
“This gang means a lot to me, sister Kar.” Steel Wheels said. “I’d do anything to make sure it gets on top.”
“But why would fight my grandchildren just to keep this gang afloat?” nana asked.
“Because… Swinebutt offered us power to see Crimson Flare Gun as our prisoner. We had no choice.” Steel Wheels said.
“There’s always a choice, brother Steel.” Nana said. “If you know how a tough scooter gang works is that they don’t need help from anything else. The Late Night Riders looks after their own, and nopony else. You betray the club once you break the rules.”
“But, Kar… don’t you see? The gang is falling apart!” Steel Wheels explained. “I had no other choice! Swinebutt offered us money and power!”
“Swinebutt is not a pig to be trusted, Steel. I tried to tell you that.” I said.
“It’s true.” Herb said. “He’s a liar and a traitor. He is not a pig of his word.”
“I thought you said you betrayed him?” I asked.
“No I didn’t. I was just delayed. He’s not a patient pig. He didn’t give me a chance to give him his equipment. He took it by force.” Herb corrected me.
“Right.” I understood.
“Wow… sister Kar, you’re right!” Steel Wheels said. “I broke the Late Night Riders’ code! If we’re to be the tough ponies we claim to be, then why are we relying our faith to a pig we barely know! I feel so foolish! I’m not qualified to lead this club! I’m sorry.”
“If I may...” Water started. “After seeing all of your efforts, it would seem to be true. Hexer Freeway here is the most mature pony I’ve ever met. He may not be that smart, but his heart is in the right place. Out of all my stallionfriends so far, Hexer here is the SECOND best!”
“YAY!” Hexer cheered.
“Second best?” I asked.
“That pony that got deported?” Water reminded me.
“I miss his tofu so much!” I said upsettingly.
“But I think… because of his maturity,” Water started, “Hexer here should be the one to lead the-“
“NO!” all the scooterers said at the same time.
“It’s ok, Water. Having the maturity title is definitely the best title I could think of.” Hexer said.
“Wow… that’s sad.” Water said. “Maybe we should just be friends.”
“Weren’t we friends at first?” Hexer asked.
“We were a couple at first.” Water reminded him.
“Oh… I forgot.” Hexer said.
“Well it’s too bad.” I said. “I like you Hexer! You were great for Water! I guess even though you look tough, abusive and mean, I guess I should’ve gotten to know you better. Sometimes even tough-looking ponies are sensitive and gentle, and kind, and know exactly what to do.”
“I’m not sure about that last one, but thank you for helping me out, bro!” Water said as she places her hoof on the Blessings of the Night and it started to glow. “This was truly an amazing experience for me!”
“Oooo shinny!” Hexer said as he places his hoof on the blessings as well. Ok, looks like I have both Water and Hexer in the Blessings of the Night. I dunno why Hexer added himself on, but whateves.
“Huh? Wha… what happened?” Annabelle asked as he regained consciousness. “Where’s my warstache?”
“This was tense, man.” Angel said as he too woke up. Just then, Angel got a little curious. “Where’s my garlic roll, man?”
“Sorry, Angel. I’m all out.” I said.
“Oh that reminds me!” nana said as she gave me a package. “Package came in the mail!”
“Neato!” I said as I opened the package. “Yay! My paddle ball is here!” I said excitedly as I played with it.
“Can I play it with it, man?” Angel asked.
“Oh wait a sec, there’s something else in here.” I said as I took out three pieces of garlic rolls from the box and stuff them in his mouth. Angel started to lose his balance and collapse on the pool table, which caused the 8-Ball to go into the hole.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the scooter pony on the pool table with the pool lamp on his chest cried out.
Just then, Steel Wheels, Hexer, Herb, Water, and I all met up outside to talk. “Flare, Water, I give you my sincere apologies for everything.” Steel Wheels said.
“No sweat, brah.” I said. “Also, here’s your letter to the hardware store back.”
“Oh you still had it?” Steel Wheels asked as he took it from me. “Well… I’m kinda glad you didn’t give it to them. It was nice of your nana to come back.”
“I should take her home.” Water said.
“WHERE’S THAT BUS?!” nana yelled.
“You do that.” I said.
Water then gave me a big hug and said, “Thanks again for this awesome trip, Flare!”
“No prob!” I said. Water runs off to take nana back home.
“I’m glad we have an understanding!” Steel Wheels said. “Brother Hexer? You’re not as dumb as I thought. You deserve better than this club.”
“Thanks head-brother grandpa!” Hexer said.
“Now lemme go clean up the clubhouse.” Steel Wheels said as he walked back into his clubhouse.
“So Hexer, what are you going to do now?” I asked him.
“Well it would seem the scooter pony life doesn’t seem to be the best place for me.” Hexer said.
“Well I’m proud that you came to your instincts, brah!” I said.
“That’s why I decided to become a biker pony! They’re even tougher!” Hexer said. “Also they probably have as much of an IQ as me, so it would probably be the best place for me!”
“You do what you think is best.” Herb said.
“How about a little music?” Hexer suggested as he turns on his radio and then A Thousand Miles starts playing again.
“What the hay?” I asked.
“I know… again?” Hexer asked.
“How did you know?” Herb asked shockingly.
“Know what?” Hexer asked.
“WE LOVE THIS SONG!” I said excitedly.
“Huh?” Hexer asked. Just then, Herb and I started singing the song the same way Water and my mom was singing it earlier today. Hexer just awkwardly watched, and then he said to himself, “I was wrong. I could probably do better than be in any gang.”
Meanwhile inside the club house when Steel Wheels went to clean everything up, the door closed behind him, and there revealed a swinebot. “WHAT THE… WHAT THE HAY?! WHAT ARE YOU?!” Steel Wheels yelled.
“Relax, buddy.” Swinebutt said as he snorted.
“Swinebutt?” Steel Wheels asked.
“I kinda figured you weren’t going to go through with it.” Swinebutt said.
“I tried, boss. I tried, believe me.” Steel Wheels said. “But the Friendship Mob got in the way, also… an old gang member came… I couldn’t go through with it. Kar Cannon is really a legend in these parts.”
“Don’t worry, Steel Wheels. I won’t hold it against you.” Swinebutt said and snorted. “I still have other uses for you. So capturing Crimson didn’t work. It nearly did though. Using one your boys to kidnap his sister was a pretty bold move, I’ll give you that. Did you at least get that nuclear magic I asked for?”
“Flare was too smart.” Steel Wheels said.
“No… he wouldn’t be that smart. It looks like both Flare Gun and Herb Leafhorn are a threat to me.” Swinebutt thought and snorted. “I’m gonna have to deal with him as well, but in the mean time… prove your loyalty to me. Out in the ocean, there’s a device. A very powerful device, might I add. It was lost many years ago though. It’s one of the things I need for my ultimate plan to conquest Equestria. After you get me my nuclear magic, I’ll need you to do this for me. Can you do that?”
“I’ll do what I can, boss.” Steel Wheels said.
“Don’t worry, Wheels of Steel.” Swinebutt said as he puts his arm around him. “I know I’m not that trustworthy, but believe me, the most useful you are to me, the less of a chance that I would be betray you. Your efforts will be rewarded. You’d be very useful in my new Swinebutt Empire. Ha! HA HA HA HA HA! HAAAA HA HA HA HA HA!” he laughed and snorted.
“You need a Benadryl, boss?” Steel Wheels asked.
Anyways, the next day, Water and I returned to Ponyville, and Herb and his friends returned to their regular Friendship Mob duties. Also, next time, how about giving me a better FiE Challenge? This one was pretty dull, and not very effective.