//------------------------------//
// The Power of Polka 
// Story: Friendship is Epic - Book 3: Blessings of the Night 
// by FlareGun45 
//------------------------------//

“We now return to Celebrity Jeopardy on Ox.” The TV announcer said as Crème and I were watching TV at my trailer. Crèmepop was just laying her head on my lap as I was brushing her hair, because that’s what Equestrian ponies are used for: brushing hairs. Anyways, yeah, Celebrity Jeopardy.

“Hello, and welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy.” Alex Trebek (played as Will Ferrell) said to the audience. “Let us reintroduce our contestants: Trenderhoof, with negative 900000 points.”

“I so adorable farm life!” Trenderhoof said excitedly. “I also sound like Olaf from Frozen!”

“Uhh… that’s nice, Trenderhoof.” Alex said awkwardly. “Next we have Sapphire Shores with only 1 point.”

“You listen to me and you listen to me good, honey! I got a point for you!” Sapphire started. “I’m easily impressed, and I show a tons amount of respect to those who are useful to me. All others can just kiss my-“

“That’s very nice.” Alex interrupted her. “And finally, we have Sean Connery with negative infinity points.”

“No need to be all negative, Trebek!” Sean advised him.

“What is there to be positive about?” Alex asked.

“The fact that no matter how many times I hear my name, I always hear your mother saying it many times, like last night.” Sean teased.

“I’m just going to ignore that.” Alex said awkwardly. “Now then, contestants, now that we’ve officially humiliated ourselves, let’s take a look at the bored. Our categories are: Fishies, Months that end in ‘ber’, How old are you?, I can cereal, What is Equestria called?, and finally ‘Rocks’. Now then, Ms. Shores, since you basically have the most points, we’ll start with you.”

“Just watch yo mouth around me, fool! You know who I am?” Sapphire asked angrily.

“Yes I do.” Alex said. “Now please, pick a category.”

“I’ll take sugar for my lips, sweetheart.” Sapphire said.

“Um… I guess we’ll go with months that end with ‘ber’ for 100.” Alex said. “The question is: this is one of the months of the year that end with ‘ber’.” A buzzard sounds. “Trenderhoof.”

“I just love the fresh air of the country! It makes me feel so… relaxed.” Trender said. “Alex… I think… will you hold me?”

“No I will not. I am quite claustrophobic.” Alex said. Another buzzard sounds. “Mr. Connery.”

“I’ll go with March.” Sean said.

“Wrong answer, Mr. Connery. That month does not end in ‘ber’.” Alex said.

“My mistake.” Sean said. “Marchember.”

“No.” Alex said.

“Any month in winter ends with ‘burrrr’, that’s for gosh darn sure! It’s so freezin’ cold that all I say is ‘burrrrr’!” Sapphire said.

“No.” Alex said. “The answer was either September, October, November, or December.”

“At least three of those months makes me say ‘burrr’.” Sapphire said. “So basically, my answer was correct, fool! Gimmie my points!”

“You didn’t even buzz in.” Alex reminded her. Sapphire buzzes in. “It’s too late now.” Alex said.

“Yeah you foolish stallions are all the same time!” Sapphire complained. “All so jealous of my SENNNNSATION! Y’OW!”

“Are you ok, miss?” Trenderhoof asked. “You said ‘ow’. Did you step on a thorn or something?”

“Let’s go to Mr. Connery.” Alex said. “Please, pick a category.”

“I’ll take ‘I cancer eal’ for 300.” Sean requested.

“That’s ‘I can cereal’, Mr. Connery.” Alex corrected him.

“Not a support for those who are sick, eh Trebek?” Sean asked.

“How insulting!” Trenderhoof said surprisingly.

“Maybe it’s time for final jeopardy.” Alex said. “The answer to this final jeopardy question is: write a word. It couldn’t be simplier than that. All you need to do is write a word. Any word! Even if it’s just ‘I’. Ready? Go!” So the jeopardy theme song plays as the contestants write down their words. “Time’s up, let’s see what you all wrote. Trenderhoof writes.... a number 6.”

“That’s how much I love beefy gals!” Trenderhoof said.

“Oooook then… that’s not a word, it’s a number, so you lose.” Alex said. “Sapphire Shores? You drew… what is that?”

“If I had fingers, you’d be seein’ one right now!” Sapphire said.

“I have no clue what that means.” Alex said. “So now let’s see if Mr. Connery could actually win this game. Sean, what did you writ- why is there a goat on Mr. Connery’s podium? Where’s Mr. Connery?”

“I think he said something about donating to the cancer eel association.” Trenderhoof said.

Alex Trebek suddenly looks to the audience and said, “You see? This is why we’re cancelled off Saturday Night Live.” Yeah so, basically… that was the show. 

“Hey Crème?” I asked.

“Yeah?” Crème asked as she looked up at me as she laid on my lap.

“I love you.” I said.

“Of course you do!” Crème said.

“I love you so much, just checking… poke.” I said as I poked her hoof.

“Didn’t you tell me you did that to your mom all the time?” Crème asked.

“What’s it to ya?” I asked.

“Do you think of me as a mom?” Crème asked.

“If I thought of you as a mom, could I do this?” I asked as I started making-out with her. 

Once we finished that long she said, “Yeah you probably would.” And then we started making-out again.

“Hey, Crème?” Water bursts into the living room and said. “Were you inside my make-up chest aga- oh. Please excuse me. I didn’t know you two were ‘getting busy’.”

“It’s not time for work yet though, so why would we be getting busy?” I asked.

“Whatever, I was just wondering if Crème was inside my make-up chest again, taking my make-up without permission.” Water said.

“No, and I thought you said ‘what’s mine is yours’?” Crème asked.

“No, I said what’s yours is mine.” Water reminded her. “And if you weren’t in it, who was?”

“Probably the mutant rats from my soda cellar.” I said.

“That’s ridiculous. You don’t have a cellar, you live in a trailer.” Water corrected me.

“Then what is this?” I asked as I used my unicorn magic to opened a hatch on the ceiling and a ladder falls.

“I’m not talking about your attic. Attics and cellars are two different things.” Water said.

“You have to go into the attic to get to the cellar.” I said.

“Really?” Water asked, not believing a word I said.

“It’s a magical trailer, sis!” I reminded her.

“I saw it with my own eyes.” Crème said. “He’s got a soda cellar, Water.”

“I’ve been living here longer than you! How come I never heard of this cellar!?” Water complained.

“Is it wise to trust a sibling?” I asked. “Crèmepop, she’s my special somepony and she’s my everything! Of course I’d show her! I’d show her all!”

“And Flare is my everything too! I show him everything too!” Crème said as she nuzzles me.

“That didn’t sound right at all.” Water said in a disgusted tone.

“It only doesn’t sound right to ponies if they have dirty minds.” I said. “If they didn’t have dirty minds, they wouldn’t think that, so it may not be what you think.”

Just then, my doorbell rang. “I’m not getting that.” Water said.

“Good. I wouldn’t trust you for getting it either.” I said to her. I then kiss Crème’s head and ask her, “Excuse me.”

“Of course!” Crème said as she stops leaning on my lap and sits up so I could stand up and answer the door. Once I answered the door, I noticed that it was Pinkie Pie.

“Hey Pinks!” I said.

Pinkie throws some confetti on my face, blows a party blower at my face too, and then I hear her voice sing, “Oh this is your singing telegram, I hope it finds you well! You’re invited to a party ‘cause we think you’re really swell! Rainbow Dash’s turning 21 years old so help us celebrate! The cake will be delicious, the festivities first-rate!” Pinkie then stops her pre-recorded video tape message and says, “It saves energy if I just pre-record my songs.”

“Awesome, sista!” I said excitedly.

“I KNOW!” Pinkie said excitedly.

“So what brings you here?”

“Uhh, duh! Did you listen to my message?” Pinkie asked as she starts the pre-recorded song again.

“Ok, I know what you’re trying to tell me.” I nodded.

“Oh yeah?” Pinkie asked.

“Yeah, you’re telling me you like using more historical age technology like a tape-recorder, instead of sending me a recorded message via phone.” I said.

“You got it, Flare!” Pinkie said excitedly. “You know me sooooooooooo well! It makes me think dating you wasn’t a waste of time after all!”

“Who is it, Flare?” Crème asked as she walked towards the door.

“NOPONY!” I gasped. “CRÈME! IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I BROKE UP WITH PINKIE, OK?! Please don’t leave me, Crèmey! I’ll do anything you want! I’ll let you move your sleeping bag closer to my bed! Just please don’t leave me, Cremey!” I begged.

Pinkie giggled. “Relax, silly! I know you’re dating Crèmepop now; it’s o-“

“Shhhh.” Crème shushed. “Ok, Flare, I won’t leave you. Under one condition.”

“Really?” I asked in relief.

“Finish with Pinkie here and I’ll tell you.” Crème said.

“Ok good.” I said in relief and wiped my sweat. “Phew!”

Crème kisses my head and said “Love you, Flarey!” and then she walks back in.

“I dodged a bullet there, Pinks.” I said. “If she thought we were still dating, I’d be a goner!”

“I wouldn’t want you to be a goner, Flare!” Pinkie said nervously. “If you were gone, Ponyville would NEVER be the same! WE NEED YOU!”

“No you don’t.” I corrected her.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Pinkie said cheerfully. “But we still WANT you.”

“No you don’t.” I corrected her.

“Yeah maybe not.” Pinkie agreed. “But we need your pizzas.”

“Yes, you do need that.” I nodded in agreement.

“It’s Rainbow Dash’s birthday today, and it would mean SO MUCH to her if you would make the biggest, juiciest, tastiest pizzas in all of Equestria for this occasion!” Pinkie requested.

“Cool!” I said. “You couldn’t just ask me later when I open my shop?”

“I couldn’t wait! I have to get this party set up! This isn’t just Rainbow Dash’s birthday; it’s also the anniversary of when she moved to Ponyville!” Pinkie explained.

“So what? Did her parents kick her out the exact day she turned 18?” I asked.

“She didn’t say. I always thought her house was a birthday present.” Pinkie said.

“You want me to laugh really hard and immediately say ‘no’ after that? Cause I know how to do that pretty well. I’ve seen it happen before many times.” I said.

“Not really.” Pinkie shrugged. “So will you make the pizzas?”

“Will you make the pizzas? Will you make the pizzas?” I mocked her. “Hi I’m Pinkie, and I like to repeat questions! Will you make the pizzas? I only take yes or no for an answer!”

“Oh… my… Faust!” Pinkie said shockingly. “That was an amazing impression on me! I couldn’t even tell if I was saying it or you were!”

“The ironic thing is: me neither.” I admitted. “Ok Pinks, I’ll give Rainbow her pizzas.”

“And maybe you could even provide music!” Pinkie suggested.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Do I have to spell it out for you? You and the Noble Six could use the polka instruments I gave you to provide entertainment! You could use the power of polka to bring smiles on the town’s faces! Including Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie suggested as she hopped up and down in excitement.

“Pinkie I hope you realize that the power of polka compels you.” I reminded her.

“Does it?” Pinkie asked.

“But seriously, we use them for emergency purposes, not for entertainment. I mean what if the pony who invented these polka songs we sing finds out?” I asked.

“Then we’ll have to deal with him before he deals with us!” Pinkie suggested. “We’ll stuff him into a sack, tie him up, gag him, throw him in a lockup, tickle him nonstop, and finally, force him to play Sorry with us because he’ll have no choice but to apologize for wanting to lawsuit!”

“Or we could just be careful.” I suggested.

“That works too!” Pinkie said.

“Then I’ll see you later today and I’ll give Rainbow Dash the best pizzas and the best polka!” I said.

“Super CRAZY!” Pinkie said excitedly. “Even crazier than a dog looking over a mountain, thinking to himself!”

A cutaway shows a dog sitting on the cliff of a mountain and thinking to himself. He then mumbled to himself, “There are so many questions in life that I have still yet to answer, but what if I never find them out? What if I never find out the biggest question of a dog’s life? What if… what if I never find out who’s a good boy?” The cutaway ends.

So I went over to my shop to work on the pizzas, and I called my friends over so I could tell them the news. “So what did you guys get Rainbow for her birthday?” Blaze asked them.

“I didn’t know her birthday was today.” Aqua said.

“Well you BETTER get her something, and something good! You understand me, Aqua?! Or else!” Blaze threatened him.

“Threats won’t get ya anywhere, mate.” Aqua advised him.

“AAAH!” Psyche gasped as he bursts through the pizza shop doors and catching his breath.

“Psyche, where have you been?!” Blaze yelled. “Did you get a present for Rainbow?!”

“Uhh… you know, funny story; I was searching for one, but… you know… couldn’t find anything perfect enough.” Psyche lied.

“Well keep looking!” Blaze demanded.

“I have so much on my mind right now, alright?! Get off my back!” Psyche complained.

“Like what?” Engie asked.

“None of your concern!” Psyche yelled.

“Whoa, Psyche! You need to chill, man!” Crystal suggested. “I’m tripping out!”

“Crystal, what did ya take earlier today?” Aqua asked.

“Nothing. I’m just tripping out with all this yelling!” Crystal said.

“So what are we doin’ here anyway?” Engie asked.

“Flare called us here for an important meeting. It’s a little somethin’ for Rainbow Dash he said.” Aqua said.

“Well that’s good.” Blaze nodded. “Rainbow deserves the best. I even got Candy Cotton to find her something worth while. I gave her some money and she’s finding something for her right now!”

A cutaway shows Candy over at the movies, using Blaze’s money to buy popcorn. “The largest bucket of popcorn you have, please?” Candy requested. The cutaway ends.

“Thank you all for coming.” I said as I exited the kitchen with a bowl of pasta that I gave to Lyra. “Take this to table four.”

“What did you call us here for, man?” Blaze asked. “You said you have something for Rainbow Dash for her birthday.”

“That I do! I’m making pizzas for her birthday party tonight right now.” I said.

“Ah wonder how big of a party Pinkie is goin’ to make her?” Engie asked.

“As big as she deserves!” Blaze said.

“Which is probably not that much.” Engie teased and chuckled.

“YOU WANT ME TO USE MY PHOENIX POWERS ON YOU, BECAUSE I WILL!” Blaze yelled at him.

“Am ah worth it?” Engie asked.

“For Rainbow Dash’s sake… YES!” Blaze said angrily.

“Yay, ah’m worth somethin’ to someone!” Engie cheered.

“But what do you need us for?” Crystal asked. “You seem to have everything under control with the pizzas. Unless you want us to taste them and make sure they’re not poisonous.”

“Crystal, I made the pizzas. How could they be poisonous?” I asked.

“How do you know that? Maybe you can’t even trust yourself. Maybe you’re trying to kill everypony with your pizzas.” Crystal looked at me mischievously. Just then, all the customers at my shop stopped eating and had surprised looks on their faces.

“Relax, everypony. If the pizzas haven’t killed you already, they’re not poisonous so you all are fine.” I said to everypony. Everypony just shrugged and continued eating.

“What makes you think that?” Crystal asked.

“If I were to kill somepony, it would be quick and painless. Trust me; it would’ve been done already.” I said.

“Are you SURE about that, Flare?” Crystal asked.

“Crystal stop, you’re making my customers uncomfee.” I said. “But no, the pizzas are not what I need help with.”

“So what do you need help with?” Psyche asked.

“Wow, listen to you, Psyche! Teacher’s pet.” Engie complained.

“Perhaps it’s time for the power of polka to rise once again. Who’s up for playing a polka number at Rainbow’s birthday party tonight?” I asked.

“You’re kiddin’ right?” Engie asked.

“This is the power of polka, Engie! It compels you! Why would I kid about that?” I asked.

“But don’t we use these instruments for emergency life-threatin’ situation purposes?” Aqua asked.

“I actually think it’s a good idea!” Blaze said. “I mean, it’s not perfect. She prefers rock, but if this is the best we could do, then we might as well give it a try.”

“That’s right!” I nodded.

“Ok I’m down with some polka!” Crystal said. “What should I do?”

“You’re the drummer, Crystal. You’re always the drummer.” I reminded her. “And Engie’s the tuba player, Blaze is the clarinet player, Aqua is the banjo player, Psyche is in charge of the sound-effects, and as for me… I play the most important instrument in the bunch: the accordion!”

“What kind of sound-effects would you want me to use for this show?” Psyche asked.

“Same effects – slide-whistles, kazoos, whistles, dentist drill…” I said.

“Bird call?” Psyche asked.

“No, actually, save the bird call. I got an idea for another time. I’m gonna make a bird puppet so it could fly by during the instrumental numbers and you could use the bird call as it flies by.” I said.

“Alright.” Psyche nodded.

“Perhaps we should rehearse.” Aqua suggested.

“Rehearse?” Crystal asked. “Pfft! Don’t we use these instruments all the time without rehearse?”

“That’s basically Equestria musicals in nutshells.” Aqua said.

“Crystal’s right. The power of polka is within us. We don’t need to rehearse!” Engie said.

“I dunno, man. I mean did I mention this is Rainbow Dash’s party?” Blaze reminded us.

“Pinkie reminded us first.” Crystal informed him.

“Alright, well, what kind of songs are we going to be playing at the party?” Psyche asked.

“Shall we make something new?” Aqua asked.

“Are we that creative though?” Crystal asked.

“We could try to be.” Aqua said.

“We will be able to! Singing a version of a song that’s already been made has nothing on me!” I said. “We’ll be able to make a song so good that we’d have to invent a new word for better than good.”

“How about ‘gooder’?” Crystal suggested.

“PERFECT!” I yelled as I slammed my hoof on a nearby table. “Our music will be gooder!”

“It’s not even a real word, man!” Blaze reminded me.

“Uh yeah, didn’t I just say we have to make up a new word for something better than ‘good’? Learn to listen, brah!” I reminded him.

“Ugh!” Blaze groaned.

“Then it’s settled! We’ll make the goodest song Equestria has ever known!” I said excitedly.

“Then let’s do it!” Crystal said excitedly.

“Not now though, I still have to make the pizzas.” I said.

“Oh… ok. How about at your 3:00 break?” Crystal suggested.

“Sure! We’ll do it then!” I agreed.

“Or we could just do some song somepony else made without them knowing. I mean, all we’re going to do is sing a song. We’re not getting paid for it.” Blaze suggested.

“Good point. Perhaps we’ll see what our instruments would give us.” I said.

“Guys!” Spike yelled as he bursts inside my shop. “Do you have any idea who’s in town right now?!”

“Discord again?” Crystal asked.

“No. I’ll give you a hint. Its somepony Flare idolizes.” Spike hinted.

“Markipony’s here?!” I yelled in excitement. “Is Tiny Box Tim with him?!”

“No, your OTHER idol – Cheese Sandwich!” Spike corrected me.

“Yes that was my next choice!” I lied.

“Wow the king of parodies himself!” Blaze said excitedly. “With him here, he’d be able to entertain Rainbow Dash at the party in the most elite way possible!”

“Wait a minute… Cheese Sandwich?” I asked.

“Yeah, the pony who inspired you to play the accordion and you memorized nearly all of his music! Am I right?” Spike asked.

“Y-yeah… yeah you are.” I said nervously. “Please excuse me.” I started running out of my shop, and my friends were pretty concerned.

“Not the reaction I expected.” Spike said.

“I wonder what’s his deal?” Engie asked.

“He looked pretty excited to me!” Crystal said. “He must want to go out and meet him!”

“I don’t think so, Crystal. Something’s up. We should go see him.” Blaze suggested. So the Noble Six followed me to my trailer where I was turning my bedroom upside down, looking for something. My fish were pretty concerned about what was happening.

“Hey watch it!” Yoyo yelled as I threw a bowling ball across the room. “You nearly hit us!”

“Whatever he’s looking for, it must be important enough to soak his vests in our water that’s probably full of our own filth.” Rainbow commented as he sees me throw one of my vests into the tank water (unintentionally, that is).

“More important than Pearl stealing make-up from Water’s make-up bag?” Dorthey asked.

“HEY! Makes me look pretty!” Pearl yelled as she has lip stick all over her face. “Look at me! I’m pretty! Don’t I look pretty?!”

“Flare?” Aqua asked as he walks into my bedroom along with the rest of the Noble Six.

“Don’t bother me! I’m BIZ-ZAY!” I demanded. “You won’t like me when I’m interrupted!”

“I don’t like you now.” Water teased from the other room.

“Sigh.” I sighed. “I wish she’ll actually move out.”

“What are you looking for, dude?” Psyche asked.

“The polka instruments. I put them away somewhere after we used them last, and now I can’t find them.” I said.

“But if Cheese Sandwich is here, isn’t he the only entertainment Rainbow’s party needs?” Crystal asked. “He’s amazing, is he not?”

“Exactly.” I said as I finally found the bag full of the polka instruments. “Ah! Here they are!”

“So what are you doing?” Psyche asked.

“It’s only for temporarily.” I said as I opened my personal chest and hung my instruments over it.

“Whoa, dude! Let’s not get too hasty now!” Blaze rushes over and closes the chest. 

“Cheese Sandwich is HERE. I think he’s here because he knows we’ve been using HIS music.” I said. “If he finds out, he might sue me.” I then opened my chest again, but then Blaze suddenly closes it again.

“But Cheese Sandwich loves it when fans love his music. I doubt he’ll sue you.” Blaze said.

I then opened the chest again. “I don’t want to take that chance.”

Blaze then closes the chest again. “I guarantee that he won’t mind.”

And I once again open it. “Have you even met the pony? All the music I ever seen is HIS music! I sang Polka Patterns, Happy Birthday, Dare to be Stupid, Polka Face, Polka Your Eyes Out, Polka Power, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be singing more!” I explained. Blaze then closes my chest again. “Will you quit doing that?”

“Flare if you put those instruments in your personal chest, it’ll probably take ages to find. What if you need them again?” Blaze asked.

“I’ve always loved playing these instruments. You can’t give up on them now!” Crystal begged.

“What else can I do, huh? Cheese Sandwich is my idol! I don’t want to disappoint him.” I said.

“I’m sure you won’t.” Blaze said. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want Cheese Sandwich to think I was stealing his music, but do you think I might impress him by knowing his music? I wasn’t 100% sure what I should do.

“I’ll think about it.” I said as I place the instruments beside the personal chest. “I mean I haven’t even met the pony yet. He’s a very hilarious and inspirational pony, but public looks aren’t everything.”

“I assure you, man. You and he will get along just fine!” Blaze said.

“Hope you’re right, brah.” I said.

“C’mon, man. Let’s go meet Cheese Sandwich.” Blaze suggested as he wrapped his arm around me and walked me outside, and the rest of the Noble Six followed. “Tell him how much of an inspiration he is to you, and it’ll mean a lot to him.” 

“You think so?” I asked.

“I know so.” Blaze said as we all walked outside.

“Well then I’m excited! I’m gonna meet Cheese Sandwich!” I said excitedly.

“That’s the spirit, brah!” Blaze said as I shut the door behind me, but the door didn’t shut all the way. A little spiderbot that did not grab any of our attention ran over towards the door, leaving it open a crack.

“Thank you, my little friend!” Swinebutt said to the spiderbot and then snorted. “Let’s see if there’s anything in here worth stealing?” Swinebutt opens the trailer door and walks inside as the spiderbot climbs up his back. “Ooo! That tickles! Maybe there’s something in his bedroom worth stealing.” Swinebutt opens up my bedroom door and looks around.

Darrel gasped. “IT’S HIM! IT’S HIM! IT’S HIM! GUYS, IT’S HIM!”

“Who?” Piddles asked.

“I dunno it’s that… umm… I dunno, who is that again?” Darrel asked.

“Probably just another friend of Flare’s.” Rainbow assumed. “He looks ugly!”

“Oh yeah, so ugly!” Dorthey said. “You probably would be able to see his ugliness through a paper bag!”

“Look, I don’t care about what’s going on here. I just want to go back to sleep.” Piddles said. “Wake me up if something interesting happens.”

“Oh c’mon!” Swinebutt complained. “What could be worth stealing in here?!”

“Flare? Is that you?” Water called out from the other room.

Swinebutt clears his throat and makes his voice sound a bit like mine, and then he calls out, “Yeah, it’s me, sis! Praise the wizards! Feel dat Mareami heat!” he then snorts.

“Alright no prob! Can you just tell Crèmepop that if she goes through my make-up box again, I’ll cut her hair in her sleep?!” Water requested.

“Will do!” Swinebutt called out and snorted.

“Also, take a Benadryl to take care of that snorting!” Water requested.

“Fine, whatever!” Swinebutt called out. Just then, something grabs Swinebutt’s eye. “Ah, Flare’s polka instruments! Perfect! He won’t be able to be victorious anymore without these!” Swinebutt said mischievously as he takes my black polka bag. “Time to ruin Flare’s life, one stolen item at a time!” Swinebutt started to chuckle. He then looks over to my fish and says, “You’re next, pretties!”

“Aww, he called us pretty!” Pearl blushed. “I knew this make-up would come in handy!”

“Wow he even talks ugly!” Rainbow commented.

“Is he going to take that Benadryl, or what?” Yoyo asked.

So the six of us headed over to party ground zero where Cheese Sandwich and other ponies were getting prepared for Rainbow Dash’s party. Once I caught my eye on Cheese Sandwich, I immediately stopped in shock. “Oh my Faust, it’s him! It’s really him! I had a theory that Spike was playing a joke on me, but it’s him!”

“Of course it’s him!” Blaze said. “Go and say hello!”

“Hello? HELLO?! Blaze, Cheese Sandwich is the pony that made me who I am today! He deserves better than just a ‘hello’!” I said.

“Give him a ‘sup brah’, like ya always do.” Aqua suggested.

“Wow… for the first time ever, Aqua said ‘brah’.” Crystal commented. “I don’t like it.”

“So I can’t be a part of the group?” Aqua asked.

“It’s just not your thing, partner.” Engie said. “It’s not mine either, so don’t worry.”

“I dunno if I’m ready to go to see him.” I said. “I mean what if I say something that might insult him?”

“Then yer screwed.” Engie teased.

“Shh! Not helping!” Psyche whispered.

“You didn’t say anythin’ yet, so don’t start talkin’ nonsense.” Engie complained.

“How about this? I’ll go talk to him first, and then you all could join along, and then you’ll see there’s nothing to worry about.” Blaze suggested.

“You sure you could handle it?” Crystal asked.

“Crystal, I’m a Wonderbolt. I’m fierce and brave. If I could handle all these tricks, talking to a simple celebrity would be just a walk in the park.” Blaze said.

“Alright, Blaze, let’s see if you could handle it.” I nodded. So Blaze walks over to Cheese Sandwich and gains his attention.

“Um, excuse me? Cheese Sandwich?” Blaze asked.

“Well-el-ell! What do we have here?” Cheese Sandwich asked as he observed Blaze. “Looks like we have a fierce flyer in the house! Or maybe I should say outside since we’re not in a house. Unless we could build a house where we’re standing! Wow that would be simply amazing! All we need is a fat pony with a hard hat with a PH.D in building, and did I mention he had to be fat?”

“I-I… umm…” Blaze stuttered.

“What’s your name, sonny-boy?” Cheese Sandwich asked. Blaze just turned around nervously and walked back to us. “Ok then, let me know if you find somepony that’s fat!”

“Wow… handled it like a pro, Blaze.” Crystal teased.

“Shut up!” Blaze yelled at her.

“See how hard it is? Can’t you see how amazing he is?” I asked. “This is just too much.”

“He’s too good for us, man.” Blaze said.

“I don’t think I have the guts to meet him.” I said. “He’s so cool! He’s like… the god of comedy! Next to Markipony that is.”

“That’s true.” Blaze agreed.

“Even though Cheese Sandwich inspired ya, he’s still an average everyday pony like the rest of us trying to make a living.” Aqua said. “Why would ya be nervous in meeting him?”

“Aqua’s right.” I agreed.

“I’m glad ya understand.” Aqua nodded.

“He’s an average everyday pony like the rest of us. We don’t need to meet him.” I said. “He’s not better than us! We’re awesome! Has he ever saved Equestria? No. We’re better than him!”

“That’s not what I technically said.” Aqua corrected me.

“You’re right, Aqua! He may be an artist, but what has he done to the community besides make ponies lawl?” I asked. “The six of us, we actually made a difference in Equestria!”

“But Flare, just because we saved Equestria at least once doesn’t mean it makes us better than Cheese Sandwich.” Psyche corrected me. “I on the other hoof find him fascinating to think about-“

“Nopony cares what you say Psyche.” I corrected him. “Us, we’re going places!”

Psyche sighs and shakes his head. “Whatever, man.” I know I do look confident in myself, but I’m really not. I was actually feeling pretty ashamed. I went to drown my current misery by stuffing myself in sweet stuff over at Sugarcube Corner. 

“More rice pudding, please?” I requested.

“If I told you once, I told you a thousand times that we don’t sell that.” Mr. Cake corrected me.

“Then what have I been eating?” I asked.

“Sand.” He said.

“Sand?” I asked.

“Yeah, sand.” He said.

“Where did the sand come from?” I asked.

“Some jar that my wife has been keeping.” Mr. Cake said.

“Wait a minute, which jar are you talking about, dear?” Mrs. Cake asked.

“The one you’ve had since your dad passed away.” Mr. Cake said.

“PFFFFT!” I started spitting and coughing. “I’VE BEEN EATING, CUP CAKE SENIOR?!”

“Wha- NO!” Mrs. Cake said nervously. “That was just my dad’s prized collection of golden sand.”

I continued coughing and spitting. “YOU MEAN I’VE BEEN EATING PEE?!”

“NO!” Mrs. Cake corrected me. “The golden sand was just pirate treasure he discovered when he was a sailor.”

“YOU MEAN I’VE BEEN EATING OLD, BEYOND EXPIRATION DATE STUFF?!” I yelled.

“You sure were, deary.” Mrs. Cake nodded.

“Oh.” I said. “Well, sorry about your loss.”

“It’s ok.” Mrs. Cake said.

“So he was a sailor, huh?” I asked.

“More like a baker sailor.” Mr. Cake said.

“Ok. Can I have rice pudding now?” I asked.

“Have the rum cake.” Pinkie suggested as she sat down next to me in an upsetting mood. “I have it all the time when I’m depressed. Which reminds me, can I have a rum cake please?”

“Sure, Pinkie!” Mr. Cake nodded.

“So what’s your story?” I asked.

“Cheese Sandwich.” Pinkie said.

“Same.” I said.

“I see.” Pinkie understood.

“What happened?” I asked.

“It turns out that Rainbow Dash would prefer having him host her birthday party instead of me. Perhaps it’s time for me to give up.” Pinkie explained.

“Give up what; that hairstyle?” I asked.

“No. Give up partying.” Pinkie corrected me.

“Ok good because if you gave up that hairstyle and turn it into something straight, I’m never hanging with you again.” I said.

“Got it.” Pinkie said as she poured some of the sugar on the table into her mouth. “That’s right; I poured sugar in my mouth. Go ahead and bop me in the head and say I’m going to get pimples.”

“What?” I asked.

“What?” Pinkie asked.

“Anyways my story is that Cheese Sandwich is so cool that I got too nervous to meet him. He’s what inspired me to do polka in the first place!” I said.

Pinkie tossed the sugar off the table we were sitting at, and then she yelled angrily at me, “ALWAYS! Everypony’s always going Cheese Sandwich this and Cheese Sandwich that! I’m not sure what the big deal is with this pony! He’s just a pony that pops out of nowhere and then-“ Pinkie picks up the sugar container and places it back on the table, and then she suddenly tosses it off again, “-BOOM! He’s the new super doper party planner! What gives?!”

“I’m not sure. I don’t know him as a party planner. I know him as a comedy and parody musical artist.” I said.

“Well I guess he’s many things! He’s a party planner, a singer, a writer, an astronaut, a cowboy, or even the princess of Equestria!” Pinkie yelled.

“Or a party planner-singer-writer-cowboy-astronaut princess!” I added.

“With a mustache!” Pinkie added.

“Exactly!” I said. “Who cares if he’s all of those things? All that matters is that you are one of them!”

“You’re right, and I’m better than him at it!” Pinkie said. “I’m a much better astronaut than him!”

“Were you ever in space?” I asked.

“No but that would be FUN!” Pinkie said excitedly. “And I’d be the first in Ponyville to ever go to space!”

“Sorry, Pinks. Psyche and I already took that title.” I corrected her.

“Ok how about cowboy?” Pinkie asked.

“Big Mac.” I said.

“Princess?” Pinkie asked.

“Twilight AND Big Mac.” I said.

“Writer or singer?” Pinkie asked.

“Everypony in town is a singer, and I think Featherweight has that writer position.” I said.

“So best party planner then!” Pinkie said.

“Definitely Cheese Sandwich!” Mr. Cake said.

“Pumpkin!” Mrs. Cake mumbled at her husband and elbowed him.

“Oh, umm, right. Pinkie I mean!” Mr. Cake corrected himself.

“Oh…” Pinkie said upsettingly.

“Hey Pinks, if it makes you feel any better. You’re the best one-pony band I know.” I said as Gummy started nibbling on my tail like he usually likes to do. “Hey Gummy.” I said to him.

“No I’m not.” Pinkie said upsettingly. “A couple of weirdos took that position already. They were battling it out for a little filly’s coin, but then the little filly lost her coin, took one of the band pony’s violins, played it, and she earned herself a ton of coins. She tossed two of the coins into the top of a fountain, and the two band pony’s haven’t been able to get them ever since. But they’re still better one-pony band ponies than I.”

“Don’t be like that, Pinks.” I suggested. “I mean… look… how about you just sing it out? You’re a better singer than most ponies in town other than your friends. Head upstairs, think about it, maybe you can prove that you’re a better pony than Cheese Sandwich. I mean, don’t take my word for it. He’s amazing! But you’re fun!”

“Maybe.” Pinkie said upsettingly as she places the sugar back on the table. “I mean, it wouldn’t be so hard if-“

“Hey Pinkie, would you like frosting on your rum cake?” Mr. Cake asked.

“DON’T INTERUPT ME!” Pinkie yelled as she tosses the sugar off the table again.

“Sorry, sorry!” Mr. Cake said nervously.

“It wouldn’t be so hard if Cheese asked for my help, but he didn’t.” Pinkie said to me. “All the ponies want him to be the party planner, not me. Perhaps it’s time to give it up.” Pinkie stands up from her seat and starts to walk upstairs. “I gotta go, Flare.”

“Just think about it, Pinks.” I suggested. “This is your ex-stallionfriend talking – the most trustful pony you know. Just think about it.” Pinkie nods sadly and walks back upstairs to her room. Once Pinkie walked up to her room, the Noble Six met with me at Sugarcube Corner.

“There ya are, mate!” Aqua said.

“Yeah we were worried sick about- WHOA!” Engie yelled as he trips and falls on the floor.

“Ya alright, Engie?” Aqua asked.

“No, ah think ah should sue!” Engie said angrily. “Ah tripped on this sugar container! Why was it on the floor anyway?”

“It was my fault, brah. Sorry.” I lied. Pinkie had enough to deal with.

“Alright, ah won’t sue you, partner.” Engie promised. “But pick these up next time, alright?”

“I was about to, but then I saw you all walk in.” I lied again. Hey, I’m not AppleJack, so don’t look at me like that.

“How’s it going, man?” Blaze asked.

“Hanging in there.” I said. “I needed some time to think.”

“And?” Blaze asked.

“And what?” I asked.

“Nevermind.” Blaze said.

“Cheese Sandwich isn’t going to be here forever, Flare.” Aqua said. “If ya want to meet him, now is the time.”

“But I’m too shyyyyyy!” I whined.

“You know, Flare, back at the orphanage, I too was shy at first.” Crystal said.

“You were?” I asked.

“I still am.” Crystal said. “I wouldn’t dare show my face there again!”

“Why would you?” I asked.

“I loved the colors of the walls!” Crystal said. “This type of color you wouldn’t find anywhere else anymore!”

“What color was it?” Aqua asked.

“It’s a type of orange color.” Crystal said. “I think it explains why it was stressing out many of the foals and they couldn’t sleep.”

“Orange is a very stressful color.” Aqua nodded. “The color of… flames… lots and lots of flames.” Aqua sniffled and a tear fell out of his eye.

“You know, Crystal…” I started.

“Yes, I know Crystal. She’s pretty awesome, and awesomely pretty!” Crystal teased.

“I think what you told me is giving me a breakthrough!” I said excitedly. “I think I’m ready, brahs! I think I’m ready to meet Cheese Sandwich!”

“All because of Crystal’s orange story?” Psyche asked.

“All because of Crystal’s orange story.” I nodded.

“Ok then.” Psyche shrugged.

“Time to impress Cheese Sandwich!” I said excitedly. 

“OUT OF MY WAY!” Pinkie yelled as she pushes us out of the way as she wears a wacky party outfit.

“What’s going on, Pinkie?” Psyche asked as Pinkie jumps outside and starts singing.

“For I am Pinkie, the bestest party pony aroooooooooooound!” Pinkie sang to the outside world.

“Don’t ponies realize that ‘bestest’ isn’t a real world?” I asked.

“Says the pony that says ‘gooder’.” Psyche teased.

“I made up that word, I admitted that before.” I corrected him.

So my friends and I returned to the party grounds so I could finally meet Cheese Sandwich. I was still feeling a bit nervous, but meeting this dude is a dream to me! I don’t meet him now, I probably never will! It was now or never. “Are you feeling alright, man?” Blaze asked.

“Pretty nervous still, but I have to do this. I have to tell him how much he inspired me.” I said.

“I’m proud of you, Flare.” Psyche said. “Do what you need to do!”

“I will!” I said. So I regaining my confidence and I started walking over to Cheese Sandwich. I was about several feet from him when I was interrupted by Pinkie.

“CHEESE SANDWICH!” Pinkie yelled from the distance. “I challenge you… TO A GOOF OFF!”

“And my confidence is gone again.” I said to myself as I backed away. I walked on back to my friends and they were pretty concerned.

“What happened? You were doing good!” Blaze asked.

“Pinkie happened.” I said.

“I know how you feel.” Psyche said, trying to comfort me.

“So what if Pinkie got in the way?” Crystal asked.

“Well now that Cheese Sandwich is talking to her; it would feel pretty awkward interrupting him.” I said.

“Partner… he’s a pony like everypony else.” Engie reminded me. “Treat him like you treat everypony else.”

“Then may Faust have mercy on his soul.” Aqua commented.

“Look, I dunno what to do, alright? Pinkie got in the way, and I don’t know what to do.” I said.

“The more time you waste talking to him, the more nervous you get.” Psyche said. “You might as well just get it out of the way, and you’ll feel better.”

“Well… I… umm…” I thought.

“Trust me; you know I’m the honest one in the group.” Psyche said.

“No I trust you, Psyche.” I nodded. “I mean that doesn’t make you less of a punching bag, but I trust you.”

“You have to meet him, Flare, before it’s too late.” Engie said.

“Then I shall meet him RIGHT NOW, but… can you dudes and dudet please assist me? I don’t wanna meet him alone.” I said. “Maybe if I had friends there to comfort me, I think I’d feel a lot calmer.”

“And it took you that long to figure it out?” Crystal asked. “I mean we’re Equestria, Flare! Friendship’s the number one thing that keeps this land in balance, and it took you that long to figure that out?”

“How long does it take for the Mane Six to learn something new?” I asked.

“Now that’s a good point.” Engie nodded.

“C’mon, man. We’re all going to meet Cheese Sandwich… together!” Blaze said.

“Then let’s do it!” I said as the six of us all went over to meet Cheese Sandwich.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“No time to talk, pal! I have to prepare for a Goof Off!” Cheese said as he ran off.

“He doesn’t like me.” I said.

“Don’t talk nonsense, man! He was busy!” Blaze said.

“He doesn’t like me. He avoided me.” I said upsettingly. “He doesn’t want to talk to me. He doesn’t want to know he’s inspired me. He doesn’t want to know that we share the power of polka. Maybe it’s time to give up the instruments. Why did I like him in the first place?”

“DUDE!” Blaze yelled. “It’s not like that at all! He was preparing for a… I dunno, a ‘goof off’? You can talk to him when he’s available next!”

“But what if he’s never available? I’ll never get to talk to him! It was never meant to be, brah. Being the best pizza owner in Equestria is good enough for me.” I said. “But wait! What if it’s all a lie? What if I’m not actually the best pizza owner in Equestria? WHAT IF I’M THE WORST?! I don’t think I could take this! I should just go home and play some Myst to calm me down.”

“If ya think that’s best.” Aqua shrugged.

“But wait!” I yelled. “What if… what if… what if… what if I’m not able to play the game because of how much I know I’m a failure? What if- wow, I wish I had a bit every time I said ‘what if’. WHAT IF Crèmepop’s not even real? Maybe she’s imaginary! What if none of this is real!? It could be all a dream! I’m still in Mareami right now getting picked on and betrayed! What if this is all in my head?! I’m still the same failure I always was!”

“FLARE!” Psyche yelled as he smacked me in the face. “SNAP OUT OF IT!”

“OH SNAP OUT OF IT!” Crystal yelled. “Wow! That was clever!”

“Flare… all of this is real.” Blaze said. “Your life is awesome! You have four awesome best friends and one treasured acquaintance!”

“This again?” Aqua asked.

“You have the best pizza in Equestria, and yes, Crèmepop is real.” Blaze said, trying to calm me down. “You have to relax, bro! You’re worried too much about one celebrity!”

“Besides, even if a celebrity didn’t like ya, who cares?” Aqua asked. “They’re just a simple average pony makin’ a livin’. Somepony famous not likin’ ya doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world for ya. Ya life ain’t less good, mate. What matters is that ya inspired others as well as him. Be proud of that.”

“Wow…” I said surprisingly. “You’re right, Aqua. I’m so worried about Cheese Sandwich not liking me that I’m just forgetting how- wait a minute… I think I just repeated a moral, didn’t I? Didn’t Rainbow Dash have this moral recently?”

“She did, but you never learned it.” Blaze reminded me.

“Ok, I guess me not learning it is an exception.” I said. “But I’m pretty sure I get it now. Cheese Sandwich and I will be great pals! I mean, maybe not close friends since he’s famous and sometimes famous ponies think that some ponies like them just because they’re popular, but that’s not why I respect Cheese Sandwich. I respect his enthusiasm, and it’s one of the things that kept me going in life. He’s not ignoring me. He just has too much on his plate.”

“Yeah it’s like talking to Markipony on his livestream. So many different users are talking at once and he could barely read them all.” Crystal said.

“After Cheese is done, I wanna meet Markipony next!” I said.

“Didn’t we just meet him last Nightmare Night?” Crystal asked.

“That was his alter-ego actually, the Blacksmith Beast.” I corrected her.

“Ah thought his alter-ego was Wilfred Warstache?” Engie asked.

“He’s got a few alter-egos.” I said. “My favorite is his Santa-ego! DELEGH ALRIGHT YOU KIDDIES!”

So we went over to the part of town where Cheese Sandwich and Pinkie were having their goof-off. We really enjoyed it! You could hear some glimpses of the Cheese’s W.A.Y. Moby Polka in it and he was as funny as ever! Oh and Spanish is canon now, yay! I still don’t understand why Pinkie gave up in the end. I guess she’s no match for Cheese’s power of polka! Then again, I don’t think we are either. When Pinkie sadly walked away after her defeat, this was my chance to meet Cheese Sandwich!

“We ready to meet Cheese Sandwich?” Blaze asked.

“Pinkie looks upset though. Shouldn’t we comfort her?” Aqua asked.

“That’s the MANE Six’s job.” Crystal reminded him.

“Wouldn’t hurt to show that we care.” Aqua said. So we walked up to Cheese Sandwich and got his attention.

“Sup brah?” I asked.

“Brah? BRAH!? Are you calling me bearded ladies clothing?” Cheese asked.

“What?” I asked.

“Ooooh, I know you!” Cheese said.

“You do?” I asked.

“YES! You’re the pizza delivery pony, am I right?” Cheese asked.

“That I am!” I nodded.

“Oh… I was actually joking. You really are?” Cheese asked.

“Actually I make the pizzas. I just deliver in my spare time.” I said.

“Well of course you’d SPARE time. You wouldn’t kill time, right buddy?” Cheese asked.

“No, not all, Cheese!” I said.

“What’s your name?” Cheese asked.

“Flare.” I said.

“And I’m Cryst-“ Crystal was about to say but I interrupted her.

“And it is an honor to finally meet you, Cheese!” I said excitedly. “I known you since you had shorter hair, a mustache, and was still wearing glasses!”

“So what do you know me for? My parties or my music?” Cheese asked.

“Your music! Your music is so inspirational to me, dude!” I said excitedly. “Your funny songs, your parodies, your polkas! I memorized nearly all of them!”

“Really? Well that’s surprising. I usually have trouble remembering some of them.” Cheese admitted.

“Really now?” I asked.

“Swear on cranberry!” Cheese said. 

“It was your music that kept me going in my life, brah!” I said. “I didn’t have such a healthy past, but your music made it all worth while!”

“But wait! There’s more!” Cheese said excitedly.

“How do you know that?” I asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Cheese asked.

“Good point.” I nodded. “Yes, there is more. Pinkie Pie gave me a set of polka instruments and when we were in trouble, we used the music to help us get out of situations. Your music isn’t just entertainment; it helped save Equestria.”

“Well I’d like to hear what you can do for myself!” Cheese said.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Tonight at Rainbow Dash’s party, I want YOU to sing to me one of my songs!” Cheese suggestions.

“Is he serious?” Aqua asked.

“Am I EVER not that serious?” Cheese asked as he stood right behind Aqua.

“Ah’m not sure how to answer that.” Engie said.

“So you want us… to sing one of your polkas… to you?” Psyche asked.

“I was actually saying to the whole town, and any of my music, not just a polka, but do what you like!” Cheese said.

“Oooooh snap!” Crystal said in shock. “We’re going to sing a polka to Cheese Sandwich himself?”

“Are you sure this isn’t a dream, Blaze?” I asked.

“To be honest, at this point, I have no idea.” Blaze admitted.

“You’re an inspiration to me, Cheese! I don’t want to out-fame you.” I said.

“Hey I had an inspiration too who made me who I am today. Just ask Boneless here!” Cheese informed as he points to his rubber chicken whom was sitting on his back. Why did I say ‘whom’ is instead of ‘that’? He’s an object!

“Boneless? I can tell that rubber chicken is possessed, not fresh.” Psyche pointed out.

“Well? What do you six say?” Cheese asked.

“Alright Cheese Sandwich, you have a deal!” I said as I shook his hoof. “We’ll perform a polka tonight!”

“EXCELLENT!” Cheese said excitedly as he lifted me in the air holding only my hoof and shook my hoof real hard that my whole body was vibrating. “You will provide super fun entertainment!”

“Iiiiiii hoooooope soooooo!” I said as my body was still vibrating.

“Tacos and mushrooms, I’ll see you tonight at the party!” Cheese said excitedly as he releases me and then walks away. All that vibrating made me feel a bit dizzy. My eyes were rolling around my sockets, but I’m still pretty psyched over what Cheese offered us.

“THIS IS AWESOME, MAN!” Blaze said excitedly. “See? We met Cheese Sandwich and it was pretty much the best thing that ever happened to us!”

“One of them.” I said. “There are other best things, but meeting Cheese is among the top 5 of best things, I’ll give you that!”

“So what are we going to do now?” Psyche asked.

“I’m glad I didn’t put my instruments in my personal chest after all. Let’s go to my trailer, get the instruments, and prepare for the party!” I suggested.

“Then let’s go!” Crystal said excitedly. So we all rushed to my trailer to get my instruments. Once I got inside, my sister was about to stop me, but I kept going.

“Flare, you have a minute? I have to-“ Water started.

“No time, sis! Are you coming to Rainbow Dash’s party?” I asked.

“Sure! As soon as I find where my missing make-up is.” Water said. “But I gotta tell you something.”

“WHAT IN THE WIZARD OF HOPE?!” I yelled.

“I’ll tell you later.” Water said as she closes her bedroom door.

“WHERE ARE THEY?!” I yelled.

“What do you mean?” Engie asked.

“THE POLKA INSTRUMENTS! THEY’RE GONE!” I yelled.

“Really? Are you sure you didn’t put the instruments in your chest?” Blaze asked.

“YOU KEPT CLOSING IT, YOU FOOL!” I reminded him. “YOU FOOLISH FOOL! You didn’t give me a chance to put them in there!”

“Really? Who would steal our instruments?” Psyche asked.

“WATERRRR!” I yelled.

“No I didn’t do it, Flare, but you should look at your security footage.” Water suggested.

“Oh, right! The security footage! We’ll see who stole my instruments!” I said as I walked over to the exercise room, opened the wall which revealed the security mainframe and I was about to see who stole my instruments. I rewinded the security footage of my bedroom and saw everything that was going on in there.

“Apollo? What’s he doing in your bedroom?” Blaze asked.

“Is that Water’s make-up?” I asked. “Why is he dumping it in the fish tank?”

“And there’s Crèmepop.” Crystal pointed out. “Aww she’s hugging your teddy bear! Now she’s hugging your pillow. Now she’s hugging your bed frame. Now she’s hugging your fish tank. Now she’s hugging… a life-size doll of you?”

“Uhh, I should fast-forward that.” I said as I fast-forwarded through that footage. “Ok there we go, that’s done. THERE!”

“Is that Swinebutt?” Aqua asked.

“So it was him! He took our instruments!” Psyche said.

“But why though?” Aqua asked.

“Perhaps because he saw us use the polka instruments to get out of situations many times, he thinks without us havin’ them, we’d be a bit more defenseless.” Engie assumed.

“Oh great, now he’s looking at my fish! DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH MY FISH, SWINEBUTT!” I yelled.

“He can’t hear you, dude.” Psyche reminded me.

“REALLY?! You think I didn’t know that?” I complained.

“Swinebutt took the instruments. How are we going to perform at the party now?” Blaze asked.

“We’re going to have to find him.” Aqua said. “Perhaps he’s still in town somewhere, hidin’.”

“I think I might know where to find him.” Psyche said.

“I wouldn’t tell you that he’s here even if he was!” Officer Nickels said as we asked him where Swinebutt was when we got to the police station. “Swinebutt didn’t tell me he was on a mission.”

“He didn’t?” Blaze asked.

“No! Sometimes he likes to do things by himself. He’ll say he’ll need my help when he gets it.” Officer Nickels said.

“Alright, well thanks for your help anyway.” I said.

“I’m still watching you, Psyche!” Officer Penny warned him.

“I know.” Psyche said as we walked out.

“Well he wasn’t there. Where else could he be?” Blaze asked.

“You’re not gonna like this one, Blaze.” I said.

“Oh no, please! NO!” Blaze begged. “I don’t wanna go see him!”

And so we went to see ‘him’, who was actually Dr. Steelhoof. “Waze Woldheart! You bwought me him? You actually bwought me him?” he asked.

“We just wanna know where Swinebutt is.” I said.

“Give me, Woldheart, and I’ll tell you.” Steelhoof said.

“Here’s a sample of Blaze’s hair. Take it, or leave it.” I offered.

“Fine.” Steelhoof said as he takes the lock of Blaze’s hair. “I have no clue whaa he is, but I’ll tell you, he is pwannin’ something big pwetty soon.”

“He’s ALWAYS planning something big.” Crystal said.

“Yeah well, I’d suggest you wall to be pwepared fow what he has pwanned.” Steelhoof said.

“Steelhoof, yer the worst of Swinebutt’s agents.” Engie said. “He’d be upset that yer tellin’ his foes he’s plannin’ somethin’.”

“I think that’s probably why he doesn’t hiwer me to do things for him anymow.” Steelhoof said.

“Who’s at the door, honey?” a female computerized voice asked.

“It’s just a few foes, Clarese!” Steelhoof called out. “They wanna know whaa Swinebutt is.”

“You fixed your wife, huh?” Engie asked.

“Yeah she’s BACK from the wospital!” Steelhoof said angrily and his good-eye twitched.

“Ah know how you feel, partner.” Engie said as he places his hoof on Steelhoof’s shoulder. “Ah have a robotic mom.”

“We ware one of the same.” Steelhoof said.

“Indeed we are.” Engie nodded. So after that, we returned to my trailer, giving up on looking for Swinebutt.

“Well… we looked at all possible places, but Swinebutt is nowhere to be found.” I said. “I guess we’re not going to be performing at Rainbow Dash’s party after all.”

“Ya seem rather calm.” Aqua pointed out.

“I got to meet one of my idols and he’s cool with me. I’m pretty sure he’ll be cool with us not being able to perform.” I said.

“I’m proud of you, Flare!” Blaze said. “You’re no longer freaking out over Cheese Sandwich! Congrats!”

“Thanks, brah!” I said. “Even though it looks like it’ll be a long time before we use the power of polka again, we know that it does compel you.”

“Ooooh, my head!” Swinebutt said as he exits my trailer, rubbing his head.

“THERE HE IS!” Blaze yelled.

“OW! Don’t yell!” Swinebutt complained and snorted. “I have such a bad headache right now!”

“Wait a minute… HE WAS IN MY TRAILER THIS WHOLE TIME?!” I yelled.

“I guess I should pay more attention to where I’m going.” Swinebutt said.

A cutaway shows Swinebutt exiting my bedroom with my polka instruments. “You’re next, pretties!” Swinebutt said mischievously to my fish as he starts laughing and snorting as he walks out of my bedroom. “I FOUND IT!” Water said excitedly as she opens a trap door on my hallway floor, but the trap door hits Swinebutt in the head and he starts falling through the trap door and to wherever is underground. “I FOUND FLARE’S SODA CELLAR, and I didn’t even have to use the attic!” The cutaway ends.

“I didn’t even know that trailer had a cellar!” Swinebutt said and snorted.

“Learn something new every day, eh buddy?” I asked.

“This isn’t over!” Swinebutt warned me as he walked away. “Ow! My head!”

“Ok I’m confused.” Crystal said.

“So am I.” Psyche said.

“I FOUND YOUR POLKA INSTRUMENTS, FLARE!” Pinkie said excitedly as she hops out of my trailer.

“Pinkie?” I asked. “What were you doing in my trailer?”

“Weren’t you listening? I was looking for your polka instruments.” Pinkie reminded me. “I found them in your soda cellar!”

“How did you know about my soda cellar?” I asked.

“We were dating once, duh!” Pinkie reminded me.

“That still doesn’t answer my question.” I said.

“Well I had to return the favor because I wanted to thank you, Flare!” Pinkie said.

“For what?” I asked. “We only socialized like two times today and I didn’t even help you with anything.”

“You did!” Pinkie said. “Don’t you remember? You gave me advice back at Sugarcube Corner. You told me to think about the problems I’ve been going through, maybe even sing it out, and I did! It helped me! It helped me regain confidence in myself! I knew I wouldn’t be better than Cheese Sandwich!”

“Oh that. I completely forgot about that.” I admitted.

“Of course after the goof off, I lost confidence again, but then I regained it again thanks to me thinking about what I’ve done.” Pinkie said. “I had friends to remind me what I’m capable of, and how to share to laughs, and you helped me with that, Flare Gun!”

“Wow… I helped Pinks out today and I didn’t even know it!” I said.

“You did assist me in teaching me a valuable lesson today, Flare!” Pinkie said as she places her hoof on my Blessings of the Night and it began to glow. “You taught me that I should even listen to my ex-stallionfriends because they’re very trustworthy, and very helpful!”

“I don’t think that’s a very good lesson.” Psyche said.

“You’re right, Psyche.” Pinkie said. “It was FANTASTIC lesson! Always listen to your ex-stallionfriends as if they’re still your stallionfriends! No matter how abusive they may be!”

“I wasn’t even abusive to you!” I corrected her.

“You kept cheating in every bowling game, golf game, board game, and pretty much any kind of game when we were dating. If that wasn’t abusive, I dunno what is.” Pinkie said.

“That’s not true; I didn’t cheat on ALL the games! You can’t even cheat on Simon!” I reminded her.

“Flare, if you’ve been hanging with me, let alone dating me for so long, you can make the impossible happen!” Pinkie said as she leans close to my face and we were touching noses.

“You weren’t this close to me since we broke up.” I said.

“Why do they keep bringing that up?” Crystal asked. “I mean they broke up, and they’re ok with it. If I broke up with Thundy, I’d be life would be a complete mess! It would be Hell!”

And so after a couple of hours, it was time for Rainbow Dash’s birthday party! Everypony in town was there! Even Swinebutt, Officer Nickels, and Dr. Steelhoof joined. I saw Addie, Wind Racer, Thunder, and… alright, I don’t need to go into detail. Everypony in town was there. Everypony sure liked my huge pizzas too. Rainbow went all Pac-Man on that thang!

“Thanks for all the birthday wishes, everypony!” Rainbow Dash said. “This is almost the best party ever!”

“Almost?” Blaze asked.

“I didn’t get my present from Candy yet.” Rainbow said.

“Oh… right… about that.” Candy started nervously. “I… umm… sorta didn’t…”

“She didn’t get one herself because she her, me, and little Rosie here all got you a little something!” Blaze said as he was carrying their daughter Rose on his back.

“Aba!” Rose cried out.

“Awww! You all got me something?” Rainbow asked.

“We all got you something?” Candy asked.

“Trying to play stupid with me, squirt?” Rainbow asked as she noogied her little sis.

“Yes… big time.” Candy said in a confused tone.

“YIPPIE!” Pinkie cried as she jumped on my back.

“WHOA SALAMI!” I yelled.

“Both Cheese and I made this party!” Pinkie said.

“You don’t say?” I asked.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Pinkie asked me.

“I gave Rainbow her gift already, I ate some cake, I tried out all the games, what else is there for me to do?” I asked.

“Did you forget?” Pinkie asked.

“No I didn’t forget the polka. I was just waiting for the right time.” I said.

“Is it time now?” Pinkie asked.

“Not yet.” I said.

“How about now?” Pinkie asked immediately after.

“Yes it’s time!” I said excitedly.

“It’s time?” Aqua asked.

“It’s time!” I said.

“It’s time?” Crystal asked.

“It’s time!” I said.

“It’s time?” Psyche asked.

“It’s time!” I said.

“It’s time?” Crystal asked.

“You already had a turn, Crystal.” I reminded her.

“It’s time?” Engie asked.

“Weren’t you listening?” I asked him.

“Then let’s show Cheese Sandwich what we’re made up!” Blaze said mischievously.

“Simple! We’re made of 65% water, 5% fur, and 30% body fat.” Engie said. So the six of us went up on stage with our polka instruments, and we wanted to show Cheese Sandwich how well we can handle the power of polka! 

Anyways, readers, the next part is just us singing and doing weird stuff during the song, so if you want to end the chapter here, there is nothing else important after this. Just being a friend and warning you ahead of time, because we’re friends. FRIENDS! FRIEEEEEEEEENDS! Otherwise, here we go!

“Ready Noble Six?” I asked.

“No.” Engie said.

“I have to use the bathroom.” Aqua said.

“Then let’s do it!” I cried in excitement.



The six of us all inhaled and began singing in a chorus-style the first part without playing any instruments; “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a land-slide, no escape from reality!” 

After a few seconds of silence, we started playing our instruments and started singing Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, but all positive, and happy-happy joytime! Psyche let out a big blow on his kazoo and I started singing, “Open your eyes look up to the skies and seeeeeee… I’m just a poor boy…”

“POOR BOOOOOY!” the others sang.

“I have no sympathy,” I sang, “cause-“ 

“Easy come, easy go!” the others sang as their bodies started going up high and down low beyond we could ever do. “Little high, little low!”

“Anywhere the wind blows,” I sang as I started flying around like a weightless piece of paper, “doesn’t really matter to meeeeeee, to me!” 

So we did a little instrumental in between lines as Engie shouted, “YEEEE HAW!”

“Mama…” Psyche started as he aimed a fake gun on a plastic dummy’s head. “Just killed a stallon… put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he’s dead-“ POW! Goes the gun as it makes the sound of an old western-type pistol, and then the head gets blown off the dummy. Ok, so it wasn’t a fake gun after all.

“Mama,” Engie started, “Life has just begun, but now ah’m gonna throw it all away!” Engie then dives into an office-type trash bin and bumps his head on the bottom. “OW!” he yelled. Hey there was a sign right there that said ‘no diving’.

“Mama, ooo…” Blaze sang. “Didn’t mean to make you cry, if I’m not back again this time tomorrow, carry-on, carry-on, except nothing really matters!” he sang as he was swinging his arms around like one of those ragdolls from Gmod. We did another instrumental part as Engie and I were taking turns hoping up and down like we were in low-gravity (really, there were strings attached to our backs; when Engie was up, I was down; and when I was up, Engie was down) as we played our instruments. 

“Too late…” Aqua sang. Waa, waa. “My time has come.” When Aqua sings the next part, he starts holding onto his body and shivers around and then collapses on the ground. “Sends shivers down my spine; body’s aching all the time.” Then Psyche suddenly uses his dentist drill sound-effect to make an ol-shivering feeling.

“Goodbye everybody – I gotta go.” Blaze sang as he waved and then a giant hook appears behind him. “Gotta leave you all behind and face the tr- WHOA!” he yells as the hook pulls him away.

“Mama, ooo!” I sang.

“Anywhere the wind blows!” my friends sang.

“I don’t wanna die!” I sang as I started sinking in quick-stand with my grave next to it. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t even born at all…” So we started to play a longer instrumental and danced around stage as Psyche took a blow on some slide-whistles for effect. We all clopped and hooves and chanted ‘HEY’ as we kicked around side-by-side and played our instruments. 

Just then, Aqua starts playing his ukulele solo as he sang the next part. “I see a little silhouette of a mare.”

“Scaramouch, scaramouche,” the Noble Six sang and jumped every time they said that word, and then they started shaking around like a Gmod ragdoll again, “will you do the Fandango!” The next part shows Blaze, Psyche, and Engie within the shadows, barely seen as thunder rumbles in the background. They all sang in a deep voice, “Thunder-bolts and lightning, very very frightening ME!”

“Galileo!” Crystal sang.

“Galileo!” Engie sang.

“Galileo!” Crystal sang.

“Galileo!” Engie sang.

“Gaileo Figaro!” Engie and Crystal both sang. The next part shows Engie and Crystal singing the next part as two more Engies and Crystals appear, and then they both disappear leaving only one Engie and one Crystal, and then three hay stacks fall from the sky and land beside them, one stack at a time. “Magnifico-oh-oooooh! HEY, HEY, HEY!” That’s when the three hay-stacks come.

“I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me!” Psyche sang.

“He’s just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life this monstrosity!” Crystal and Engie sang. Waa-waa, waa-waa.

“Easy come, easy go, will ya let me go?” Aqua sang.

“Bismillah! Noooo, we won’t let you go!” Blaze sang as he pointed to Psyche.

“LET HIM GOOOOOO!” Psyche sang.

“Bismillah! Noooo, we won’t let you go!” Blaze sang as he was now wearing a mustache.

“LET HIM GOOOOOO!” Psyche sang as he wore a sombrero.

“Bismillah! Noooo, we won’t let you go!” Blaze sang as he was now wearing a tuxedo and a hat to go with that mustache.

“LET HIM GO!” Psyche sang as he was wearing a barrel over his body to go with that sombrero. Wait… how do they match?

“Will not let you go!” Engie sang as he and the Noble Six were the moles on a giant wack-a-mole game.

“Let me go!” Crystal sang.

“Will not let you go!” Aqua sang.

“Let me go-whoa-whoa!” Blaze sang.

I then started smashing the Noble Six’s mole heads with a giant mallet because I was the whacker and to each ‘no’ I said, was a Noble Six member whacked. “NO, NO, NO, NO, NONO-NONO-NO!”

“Oh mama-mia, mama-mia!” Psyche sang as the camera zoomed into his mouth.

“Mama-mia let me go!” the Noble Six all sang. “Beelzebub! Has disharmony put aside for me… for me… FOR MEEEEEE!”

“RAH-HA-HA-HAAAA!” I laughed. We all now had our arms over our shoulders and swung back and forth to the instrumental.

“So you think ya can stone me and spit in my eye-ye!” Aqua sang. Just then, Crystal spits in Aqua’s eye. “Ew, Crystal!”

“So you think you can love me and leave me to die-ye!” Crystal sang.

“Oooooooh babyyyyy!” Engie sang.

“Can’t do this to me babyyyy!” Psyche sang as he held a baby in his arms.

“Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here!” Blaze sang as he was behind cage, which of course, he could just walk out of the sides to get out. We all clopped our hooves together again to the music as we were about to reach our last part. Engie played the trumpet as the music started to calm down, I played a short accordion solo, Blaze played a short clarinet solo, and then Engie quickly switched to his tuba and played a solo of that as we were about to reach the last part of the song.

“Ooooooooooooo.” My friends sang while wearing top hats and canes. “Ooo yeah, ooo yeah!” 

I then walked up to the front of the stage as I too was wearing a top hat and cane. I then sang, “Nothing really matters, anyone can seeee. Nothing really matters…” 

And then we all sang, “Noooothing really maaaaaaatteeeeeeeers to meeeeeeee- (nothing matters) ee-eeeeeee- (nothing matters) ee-eeeeee- (nothing matters)… anywhere the- anywhere the- anywhere the wind blows- HEY!” we concluded the song.

Everypony cheered as I shouted out, “THE POWER OF POLKA COMEPLS YOU!”

“YOU KNOW IT!” Cheese Sandwich yelled as he popped up behind me. “Now there’s only one thing I have yet to know. What happened to that giant cheese wheel I had during the Goof Off?”

A cutaway shows Trixie humming to herself as she was returning to her caravan. Once she got to it, she saw that her caravan was crushed by a giant cheese wheel. “CURSE YOU WEEEEEEELS!” Trixie cried. The cutaway ends.