//------------------------------//
// Ponyville Idol 
// Story: The Pony Project 
// by Palm Palette 
//------------------------------//


   



Ponyville Idol


Rainbow Dash dropped the last of the fliers she'd printed as she flew over Town Hall. This was where she'd started, so she'd made a complete circuit of Ponyville. “This is going to be great,” she told herself as she flew over to the training fields. She'd seen Fluttershy and Twilight as she was distributing the papers but hadn't stopped to chat. If they had anything to say, they could meet her at the fields.

The fields were barren when she got there. On a summer day like this, it was too hot for ponies to be out training anyway. That's why she'd scheduled the race for late afternoon. Empty bleachers sat of to the side. Heh, plenty of room for ponies to come and watch as she- Oh right, she couldn't actually participate in the race herself. She frowned. Near the bleachers was a spot that marked the starting line (and/or finish line) but since the actual track of the race varied depending on the event that was the only marker. She'd have to set out the rest herself. For her purposes, a simple loop would do. She should set up the course now but – yawn – she felt like taking a nap.

Rainbow Dash flew over to a tree and fluffed up a pillow she kept there for just such occasions. She had pillows stashed in trees all around Ponyville. She curled up and closed her eyes but shouting kept her awake. The voice was very familiar. “Huh?” Rainbow Dash got up and rubbed her eyes. “Pinkie Pie?”

“Hey there Rainbow Dash. I heard there was going to be a hot pegasus race here and I got all excited, and I bounced around telling the whole town, and I brought lots and lots of butter, and I-”

“Whoa there Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash flew down to take a closer look. “What in the world are you wearing? Are you dressed up like a... giant megaphone?”

“Oh yeah. That's totally what this is. You got me on that. It's not like – something else entirely. 'Cause that would be silly.” Pinkie stood up and held her forelegs against the sides of her 'megaphone costume'. She kind of rubbed at it a bit too.

“Pinkie, is there something wrong with your ears? It looks like you've got something stuck-”

“What? Oh no no no no no. My ears are perfectly fine. It's just a bit... loud in this 'costume'. That's all.” Pinkie unhitched herself from the cart she was hauling.

“I guess that makes sense. But.. what's all that stuff for?” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof at Pinkie's collection. It was vastly different from the usual fare of confetti and cake and party favors. She did indeed have a lot of butter.

“Oh, you'll see. We should set things up before everypony gets here.” Pinkie Pie look around the training field. “Are these the markers for the race?” She pointed at a checkered flag held up by an orange cone. There were several of them in a pile.

“Yep, those will do. I'll start getting them set up and you can greet the ponies as they arrive.” Rainbow Dash picked one up and Pinkie hopped off.

“Hello Blues Skies,” Pinkie Pie said.

“Hello Pinkie,” he replied, “that's new - even for you. Are you some kind of single-petal flower?”

“Nope. I'm a MEGAPHONE!” Pinkie Pie shouted in his face. He cupped his hooves over his ears and fell over from the force of her voice.

Star Hunter flew in. “Volume, Pinkie,” he warned. Blue Skies got up and rubbed at his ears to keep the ringing down. Pinkie Pie took one look at Star Hunter and hopped over to him. She took a deep breath, and he stuck a hoof in her mouth when she opened it. “Or at least distance,” he said. Pinkie nodded and ran off to climb up a flagpole.

“And over there we have an amazing piece of pony. Just look at the way those muscles ripple and flex,” Pinkie Pie said.

“Do you mean him?” Star Hunter pointed to another newly arrived pegasus:

This one was a living mass of pure power. Twice as large as the average pony, and all of it was muscle. Snowflake fluttered down on his itsy-bitsy-teensy-weensy little wings and yelled, “YEAH!”

“No silly, I mean you.” Pinkie Pie leaned in close to Star Hunter and boinked him on the nose. A feat made all the more impressive due to the fact that she was still on top of the flagpole several meters away. “And this pony-” she poked Snowflake's cheek “-is a great big handsome softy.” Snowflake blushed and backed off.

Rainbow Dash flew over. “Pinkie. That's enough. How about I greet the arrivals, and you can set up the course?”

“Oka-dunka-mokey-loco-motion.” Pinkie Pie choo-chooed her way off, with train noises. Rainbow Dash blinked at her.

Another stallion arrived and Rainbow Dash flew up to make an announcement. “Hey everypony. Glad you could make it. The race won't start for a while but that's no excuse to slack off. Limber up those wings with some warm-ups and stretch those muscles. Hup to it.” Rainbow Dash landed to demonstrate some wing-ups. She made them look effortless. “You want to do your best. Because the winner gets to- to...” Snowflake was perilously close to her flexing his enormous muscles and buzzing the air with his tiny wings. She gulped. “Anyway, you all want to do your best.”

“Wait, what does the winner get to-” Star Gazer didn't get to finish that question. Rainbow Dash had flown over to greet Thunderlane.

“Ponyville's best flier? I wonder who that could be,” Thunderlane asked.

“Well, obviously-” Rainbow Dash started to say.

“I didn't know that Soarin was in town.” Cloudchaser came in behind Thunderlane. She giggled and made goo goo eyes at him.

“Gah.” Rainbow Dash recoiled in shock. This was bad. This was very bad. She couldn't break up a couple. That's why she'd asked for singles. They weren't married yet so he still qualified, but only barely. Rainbow Dash didn't know what to do.

“Pff. Fleetfoot could beat Soarin any day,” Thunderlane blew a kiss to Cloudchaser. She blew one back and flew up to the bleachers to await the race. Thunderlane walked over and joined in the warm-up exercises.

“I think you're all underestimating Misty Fly,” Milky Way said.

“Misty Fly? Don't get me wrong, but I don't think she's won a race since that time in Wiscoltson,” Thunderlane said.

“Yeah, that was quite some race too. The locals thought to spice things up with a tornado but they lost control and it wound up raining frogs. Heh. If they did away with straight courses and added some obstacles Misty Fly's superior agility would put her in the lead every time.” Milky Way neglected his wing-ups while chatting.

“Hey Rainbow Crash.” Dumb-Bell flew in.

“Her name's Rainbow Dash,” Hoops reminded him and landed shortly after, with Score just behind him.

“Yeah, she's cool now,” Score said.

Those three? Rainbow Dash gnawed at her hooves. They were the jocks that made fun of her and Fluttershy in flight camp. They'd gotten a bit better since then but she certainly didn't want to sleep with them – not even if they were the last ponies in Equestria. Rainbow Dash would rather push them off a cliff than jump into bed with them. She didn't want any of them to win either. This race was going to be a disaster.

A flash of light recorded Rainbow Dash's aghast expression for the whole world to see. “Flash Bulb, have you come to join the race too?” she asked.

“No, sorry. I'm here as a reporter. I'd like to stretch my wings but my job comes first.” Flash Bulb took some pictures of the pegasus doing warm-ups.

“Well, if that's all it is, we could get somepony else to take pictures,” Rainbow Dash suggested.

“No! Nopony but me gets to lay a hoof on Shutter Belle.” He hugged and caressed his camera with way too much affection. Rainbow Dash cringed and backed off.

She blinked again when the next ponies to arrive weren't pegasus, or even stallions for that matter. Lilly Valley, Roseluck, and Daisy wandered in and joined Cloudchaser on the bleachers. Goldengrape joined them there. He had his eyes on Daisy. It seemed like somepony had opened the floodgates and the bleachers were soon filled. “What are you all doing here?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“We heard about the race and thought it would be so much fun to watch,” Lilly Valley said.

“I hope it's at least half as good as the iron pony competition. Applejack was so amazing,” Carrot Top said.

“Hey, I won that competition,” Rainbow Dash said, scrunching her face up in annoyance.

“I doubt Applejack will be there given that this is a race for male pegasus and all.” Shoeshine was wearing a beanie? Odd.

“Rainbow Dash is here though,” Blossomforth said.

“That's Right,” Rainbow Dash said, closing her eyes and placing a hoof on her chest.

“Yeah, but she can't compete either,” Mjölna said.

“Even if she can't compete she could still fly with them,” Dizzy Twister said.

“That is right. Good idea.” Rainbow dash left the bleachers and flew back to the training grounds. If she flew with them, she could cheat and influence the results. Not a perfect plan, but if she was subtle enough she could salvage this event with none the wiser.

Crescent Moon flew in. “Sorry I'm late. I hope I can still enter.” 

“Oh boy, am I glad to see you here. The Wonderbolts treating you well?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“More the other way. I've gotten to see lots of races, but it's been a long time since I've had a chance to participate in one.” Crescent Moon flexed and stretched with audible pops. “I hope I'm not too out of shape for this.”

“I'm sure you'll do fine. Why don't you get into position? The race should be about to start soon. Pinkie Pie should be just about... finished... What the hay?” 

Pinkie Pie bounded over to explain the abomination that she had just created. “Okay, so everypony starts at the starting line because that's what a starting line is and it's hardly be called a starting line if you started someplace else. It wouldn't make sense-”

“Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash said. Pinkie ignored her.

“-And over here we have the first waypoint.” -Pinkie Pie ran down the field- “It's just a straight shot; Dash set that up, but don't let that worry your dirty little hooves off – things get more interesting from there. Seriously though, you should wash those. Can't let the arboreal conspiracy keep a pony down, right?-”

“Pinkie.”

“-Now for the next stop, don't run, don't jump, but dive (yes dive) right into the lake! You'll find the marker on the bottom. And with a short swim, you'll come to-”

“Uh, Pinkie?”

“-the drying station! Why my fine, handsome ponies, here you'll find a luxurious selection of towels to choose from to seductively rub across your dripping, wet bodies-”

“Wha-?” It's a bit hard to get a word in edgewise when one's breath is stolen.

“-Then we can move on to the sunning station, where you can adjust spotlights to highlight your coltly physiques. If that's not enough, you can pose over here against scenes of glory and awe. Defeat an Ursa Minor! Wrestle with a Manticore! Ride Nightmare Moon! All that action and excitement getting you hungry? Well the next stop, we have a whole selection of delicious pies. Grab a bite, chew those pies with passion, and get ready for another lap.”

Rainbow Dash took in a deep breath. “Pinkie!”

“Yes, Dashie?” Pinkie Pie zipped over and snapped to attention.

“This is supposed to be a race! Not a- a- whatever that is.” Rainbow dash pointed randomly in the direction of Pinkie's setups. The crowd on the bleachers whispered to itself. Flash Bulb took pictures.

“Huh, what's wrong?” Pinkie asked.

“What's wrong? There's nothing right. First of all, we can't get our feathers wet – that seriously bogs us down,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Huh? But you fly in the rain all the time.”

“We're water resistant – not waterproof.” Rainbow Dash moved on to the next checkpoint. “Do you seriously thing that in the middle of a race ponies would want to stop and dry themselves? Or stop and sun themselves? Or stop and pose? Or stop for a snack? Stopping's a bit counter-productive to racing, don't you think?”

“Oh, well, um, obstacle course?” Pinkie Pie suggested.

“I guess that will have to do.” Rainbow dash turned around to address the racers. She spoke loud enough for the crown to hear too as she laid out the revised rules. “All right everypony. No swimming, just touch the surface of the lake. Dodge through the rows of towels, avoid the bright lights and try not to let them blind you. Fly by the posters. I guess you can make a pose, if you want, but don't stop. Then finally grab a slice of pie. You don't have to eat it. Twenty laps total.”

“Yep! And we're just about to start.” Pinkie Pie clambered up the flagpole again. “But first let's introduce the contestants. Here we have Milky Way. Such a delicious stallion. The way he melts in your hooves. Does he melt in your mouth too? Any mare would be lucky to claim such a savory sensation.”

“Aaagh.” Milky way buried his face in his hooves and shrunk down in livid embarrassment. The crowd whispered murmurs to each other so loud that they whispered over each other.

“Next, we have Snowflake. A stallion so soft, he'll sweep you off your feet with a gentle, loving embrace.”

“Yeah! ...huh?” Snowflake jumped up to pose but suddenly seemed unsure of himself. Several mares in the audience giggled.

Rainbow Dash didn't pay attention to what Pinkie said. She took a different assessment of the contestants. There were nine total, which was actually a good turnout, but of them she counted five that she definitely didn't want to win. Thunderlane was a good candidate, but he was already taken by another mare. Out of respect for Cloudchaser she couldn't let him win. Snowflake... no, just no. She didn't really want to judge a book by its cover but when the book has no pages, it's kind of hard to avoid that. Hoops, Score, and Dumb-Bell had too much past baggage for her to be interested in them without some serious reconciliation. There was too little time for that. Of the four left, the only one she really wanted to root for was Crescent Moon, due to his position as the Wonderbolt's caretaker. She knew nothing about the others.

“-What he lacks in brains, he makes up for in... lack of brains!” Pinkie Pie continued.

“That's so me,” Dumb-Bell said. The audience broke out laughing.

“And here we have the very epitome of bulging muscles. Flex that plethora of-”

“Can we just get this over with?” Star Hunter cut off Pinkie Pie.

“Okay then – on the count of three-” Pinkie Pie climbed down the flagpole and bent the top down with her as she went. “-one, hat, tree!” With that, she let go and the flagpole twanged in response. It came back with such force that it knocked her over. Fortunately, her 'megaphone costume' absorbed most of the impact.

The race was on.

“Huh, what?” Rainbow Dash was brought out of her introversion by sudden movement and cheers of the crowd. She flew to catch up with the racers through the cloud of dust they kicked up. She didn't have goggles on and it bothered her eyes so much that she squinted. This saved her eyes some pain on the next turn. The race approached the lake from exactly the wrong angle and the sun reflected directly in here eyes. “Gaah.” She wasn't the only one having trouble. A large splash indicated that another pony had gotten caught off guard.

“Ooh, would you look at that.” Pinkie Pie stayed away from the evil flagpole and ran over to the lake. “The race has barely even started and we've already had the first wipeout. Why do they call it that? There's not really much wiping going on. Well I can change that.” Pinkie Pie jumped into the lake and helped pull him to shore. Milky Way was shivering from the cold waters.

“Uh, thanks, Pinkie,” he said and grabbed a towel to rub himself dry. Pinkie seemed to be... helping?... “Pinkie, what are you doing?”

“I'm coating you with butter.”

“What? Why?” Milky way tried dodging her advances, but his footing slipped and he fell over. She really laid it thick on him.

“Perfect! Now we can see how you look in the light.” With a push, Milky Way slid along the ground and bumped up against the spotlights. He knocked one over, but another swung down and stopped with him in its center. “And there you have it folks. Just look at how his coat glistens and shines. He looks just like he's coated in caramel” -Caramel took offense at this and snorted- “and is probably the most delicious stallion in all of Ponyville.” She batted her eyes at him, but he was too preoccupied with hoots and hollers from the audience to notice Pinkie.

“This is crazy.” Milky Way flew off as the racers started on the second lap. The audience sighed at his departure.

Rainbow Dash had been following behind the racers to watch them. It was clear now that there were two lead contenders: Snowflake and Thunderlane. The rest were further behind but more closely contested. Those ranks would change quickly with each passing turn. While the racers touched the lake, Rainbow Dash dashed ahead and hid behind the manticore poster. “Grooar!” she yelled, a... reasonable approximation of an actual manticore.

Startled, Thunderlane and Snowflake bumped into each other and spun out. Thunderlane crashed into the pie table while Snowflake recovered. Cloudchaser shrieked at that development.

“Ooh, already we have another accident,” Pinkie Pie said. “But what comes down must perk back up. Or was it it the other way? But I'm sure this way works too. No pony wants to be down forever.” Pinkie bounded over and laid it on him.

“Uh, Pinkie – what the? Butter?” Thunderlane stood up but slipped on the butter and nearly fell over again. Perhaps she didn't want him to perk back up after all?

“Add a touch here, a bit there, and... perfect. Have a piece of pie and chew seductively. K?” Pinkie stuffed a piece in his mouth and walked off to address the crowd.

“Mmrmph?” Thunderlane was too wobbly with buttered hooves to take the pie out of his mouth. He wound up chewing on it while Pinkie sang about him.

“If it's pies in the sky, he'll make your whole world go by.
He'll fly by your heart and whisk the love from your eyes.
He'll swing by your lips and press against your hips.
Thunderlane's got it going on.
If it's pies in the sky, he'll make your whole world go by.
Don't take your eyes off the pies in the sky.”

He swallowed hard while the audience cheered. Carrot Top's reverie was interrupted by a face full of Cloudchaser's feathers. She sneezed.

Thunderlane might have lost the race, but from the way Cloudchaser pounced on him and carried him off by his tail she didn't seem to care. “Well that's one way to do it,” Pinkie Pie said.

The crowd was really riled up and the mares were shouting out names. Not names of the pony they wanted to win – but names of the pony to knock out of the race next. Pinkie watched as the pegasus flew overhead. She couldn't jump high enough to catch any.

Rainbow Dash was keeping track of the laps. This was the fourth one. She had to find a way to take out Snowflake and soon, after him there were at least three more ponies to eliminate. Pinkie Pie jumped up in front of them and swung her forelegs at the pegasus as they flew by. What was that all about? Hmm, Rainbow Dash spotted a spotlight that had gotten knocked over. She landed by it and set it back up in time to blind Snowflake on his approach. While he was dazzled, she extended a hoof and tripped him. He came crashing down and skidded to a halt near the posters. That was a bit careless of Rainbow Dash but everypony else was probably watching Pinkie Pie anyway. She rejoined the other racers as they caught up.

Like a gift, the giant muscular pony with the ittsy-bittsy wingspan came to rest against the action posters. Pinkie Pie wasted no time basting him. Dripping with butter, she pushed him in front of the Manticore poster. “Ponies of Ponyville, I present to you the Magnificent Snowflake who tamed the Manticore with the kindness of his fine and gentle touch.” She pushed up off the ground and waved her forelegs in the air. She gestured towards him, to prompt a response.

“Yeah!” he reared up and called out. The crowd cheered.

Pinkie pushed him again; this time to the Ursa Minor poster. “And now we see him as his luscious and smooth form soothes the ferocious beast with a gentle lullaby.”

“Yeah.” He... wasn't as enthusiastic but still got some hoots from the crowd.

Pinkie Pie pushed him again, and he faced off against Nightmare Moon. “And now this most eligible stallion comes face-to-face with the final confrontation. See how he makes her give pause with his glistening body. Watch how he forever reforms her to the side of good with the loving harmony of friendship.”

“...yeah.” He didn't even rear up that time, but this got the biggest response from the crowd. They stomped in excitement and reared up in approval.

Pinkie Pie skidded away to grab a spotlight for herself. She leaned towards him. “...and that's the story of how I got my cutie mark!” Snowflake was still watching the crowd. 

Roseluck, Lilly Valley, and Daisy hopped down from the bleachers and ran towards him. “Mine!” They all shouted and piled on top. Slick with butter he escaped them and flew off.

“Noooo.”
“Whyyy?”
“The Horror. The Horror.” 

The Flower Trio acted in dismay at his departure and fainted for no apparent reason. Pinkie Pie pushed them out of the field. In the crowd, Goldengrape scowled and glared at Daisy. He clearly disapproved of her actions. The rest of the crowd was thirsty for more. They were shouting names so loud the racers started to take notice.

Star Hunter paused for a bit and was nearly dragged down from the sky when pink hooves grabbed his tail. Pinkie had too much butter on them though, and he popped free. “THAT'S IT!” Star Hunter exploded. “Stop! Stop! Stop!” A gentle breeze was the only thing moving. “What is the meaning of this... farce? It's not a race at all, it's some sort of... maleness exhibition. You're just distracting us by keeping us flying in circles so you can pick us off one-by-one and let that pink one feed us to the crowd. I for one, will not be treated like an object. I'm leaving! If you have any sense you'll do the same.”

“Aww.” The crowd sighed. They glanced down like they'd all been caught with a hoof in a cookie jar. After Star Hunter stormed off, the other racers shrugged and followed him. Even if they didn't mind what was going on, Star Hunter had ruined it anyway.

“Wait. Wait. Wait, that's not it at all.” Rainbow Dash hesitated too long and was talking to an open sky. “Doesn't any pony want to finish?”

“I'm still here,” Dumb-Bell said. Indeed, he was.

“Uh...” Rainbow Dash looked at Pinkie Pie. Her eyes were downcast with a frown and she fiddled with the ground. “Mind telling me what was going on?”

Pinkie looked up at her and swung her attention over to Dumb-Bell. “Say uh, Dumb-Bell. Do you want to be buttered up and 'fed to the crowd?'” Pinkie Pie rubbed her hooves together as if trying to wash them.

“Uh, sure,” Dumb-Bell replied.

“Alright everypony! The show's not over yet!” Some ponies who were starting to leave returned to their seats. Pinkie Pie bounced up and down. Dumb-Bell was out of reach. “Get down here,” she hissed at him. Pinkie Pie bounced up and down. Dumb-Bell was still out of reach... “Get him down here,” she hissed at Rainbow Dash.

“Uh, you heard the pink lady.” Rainbow Dash pushed him down like a cloud; well, she was gentle enough not to send him crashing at least.

Pinkie Pie caught him when he came down – then flipped him with some force directly into her vat of butter. “Oof,” he protested. Rainbow Dash watched with wide eyes.

“Watch and be amazed as this once-drab pony is reborn as a being of pure radiance.” The low sun angle glinted off his slick hide as he climbed out of the vat. Globules of butter dripped from his coat. Pinkie Pie cartwheeled by and draped him with towels. “See how he emerges from his prior form as he sheds off the remains of his youth and innocence like a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon.” Dumb-Bell tried to wipe himself clean with the towels, but he was so thick with butter he just soiled them and rubbed the butter into his fur. He looked truly slick and shiny now. “And now, I present to you for the first time: this prim, toned, handsome hunk is a brand new buttered-flier!”

Rainbow Dash changed her mind. He looked so hot now there was no way she'd toss him off a cliff if he were the last pony left in Equestria. Well, not a first, anyway. She was so preoccupied by Dumb-Bell's amazing transformation that she almost missed seeing Pinkie lean forward and bat her eyes at him. He was far too distracted by the sea of mares that came pouring out of the bleachers towards him to notice Pinkie.

The few ponies who were still left in the bleachers were stallions left stunned with shocked expressions. Flash Bulb hovered around taking pictures. Dumb-Bell was crowd surfing. Hoops and Score returned because their friend was missing but when they saw him, they flew down and buttered themselves up in hopes of attracting the crowd. It didn't work. They slipped and fell over.

While the other ponies were distracted, Rainbow Dash bit Pinkie's tail and flew off with her. “Hey,” Pinkie complained. She didn't go far. There was a relatively private place behind some bushes. “What was that for?”

Rainbow Dash glared down at Pinkie. “Pinkie, you completely ruined that race I had planned. Why I ought to-” Pinkie shrunk down. Rainbow Dash stopped and hung her head. She put a hoof to it. “-thank you.”

“What?”

“Pinkie, that race was doomed from the start anyway. You're a good friend. I'm glad the race fell apart. But, uh, I'm still not sure just what exactly you were doing. It was entertaining but very different from what you usually do. Why?”

“Well, I was trying to get their attention, so I could work on that 'project'. You know the one,” Pinkie Pie said. 

Suddenly it all fell into place. “You were flirting? You?” Rainbow Dash cracked up and fell out of the air laughing.

“Wha- hey! Are you laughing at me?” Pinkie Pie spat.

“Sorry Pinkie. I shouldn't laugh. It's just – you do know that 'butter him up' is just an expression and not meant to be taken literally, right?”

“Uh... okay. I do see how that's kind of funny.”

“And your method of flirting was just so awkward and wrong.” Rainbow Dash rolled over on the grass and looked up at Pinkie's face.

“Hey! It works when Rarity does it.” Pinkie snorted and looked down at Rainbow Dash. Their faces were very close.

“Are those... earrings?” Rainbow Dash asked. Pinkie Pie backed off in embarrassment.

“That's a really great manestyle,” Pinkie countered. Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and hovered off the ground in embarrassment. She'd completely forgotten all about that.

A flash of light interrupted them. “There you are,” Flash Bulb said. “Can I ask you some questions on behalf of 'The Equine Eye'? Hey-” Flash Bulb swung his forelegs out but Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash ran off in separate directions. “Drat. There goes my exclusive interview.”

He scratched down some more notes and muttered to himself, “I wonder which title is better: 'Pegasus pimp-out, a race for your heart' or 'Butter Down the Pegasus Down' or 'Love at First Flight'?” 

"I'd probably go with the 'butter' one." Shoeshine walked up carrying the crumpled remains of her beanie cap in her mouth. It had fallen off and gotten crushed in the crowd. She spat it out. Well, no big loss – it was a beanie, after all.


Next Chapter:
Wrong Princess