It’s been a about a week or two, I haven’t been myself enough to keep track. Each days just rolls into the next. Just by anyone’s guess, it’s been at least a few weeks, way past the date of when he was supposed to return. I cannot recall a moment where I was not crying at least for a little bit. For once in my life, I don’t know. I don’t know what to do, whom to turn to, what will happen. I’ve never felt so alone, ever. Well at least that’s what I thought.
I was sitting like I normally was, just in the living room, on the couch, curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out. Which is when the phone began to ring. Like I normally did, I just let it go to the answering machine, I couldn’t bear to answer the phone. Not in the state I am in. Also there is no need for awkward conversations with people I don’t know. Then try to explain to them who I am and what I mean to Toby. No. I’ll let this call go.
“Hey, You’ve reached Toby Miller! It would appear I’m not in right now, so please leave you’re name and number after the tone and I’ll be happy to get back to you!”
*beeeeeeep*
“Hey, you. I know you’re in there. It’s Bill Young, you may not know who I am, but you could say I’m a close friend of Toby’s. I run the bar down the street from here, a lil hole-in-the-wall sorta place. Trust me, you’ll know it when you see it, Twi.” I froze. This Bill knew my name. I walked to the answering machine, looking at it inquisitively, almost as if Bill was to appear from it. “I know you’ve been having a rough time. Look, I just wanna talk. Just come on down, I’m sure a drink or two on me would help. Please, come on by.” The machine clicked soon after that.
I just stared at that machine, unsure what to think. This man, this Bill, knew who I was. I didn’t think Toby really told people about me, I mean besides his immediate family. His friends though, I wasn’t too sure about. If it had to do with Toby though, I needed to know. But, could I trust this man? No, if Toby could trust him, then I can as well. So, almost in a rush, I grabbed my coat and ran out the door.
He wasn’t lying when he called it a “hole-in-the-wall sorta place”. Entering the place, I nearly chocked on the amount of smoke that filled the air. I don’t see how Toby could enjoy, much less enter, a place like this. Womanizing men trying to seduce women almost half their age and it seemed that the women were enjoying their free drinks. And entering the bar alone, I got the feeling of a gazelle walking past the lions’ hungry mouths, waiting for one to pounce.
Sitting down at bar, it didn’t take long for one to pounce. Maybe five minutes after I get comfortable on the stool, one man get the courage to walk over. He’s not the slimmest man in the bar, his comb over speaks for his age, and his sly smile says his intentions.
“Hey babe, you look new around here, how’s about I get you a drink or two?” He voice just seeps with over inflated ego. How I wished for Toby to be here, to keep these sorts of men away. I just dip my head down and just ignore him for now. “Hey,” I feel a hand on my shoulder. “I asked you if you wanted a drink.” I shrug his hand off. I’m in no mood to converse with him. “Hey, would you like to even answer-“
“That’s enough Mac,” my ears perk up, a familiar voice from behind the counter. “She doesn’t need that, she’s already been through enough. Here, a beer for your troubles.” The man stomps off, his ego obviously hurt. Raising my head, I see the character from behind the counter, Bill Young it would seem to my rescue. He appeared to be a kind character. Though his face seemed worn from being over-worked, but his smile said he loved what he did. “I take it you’re Twi, then; the one Toby's been talking about?”
I smiled, “Then you must be Bill Young.” I extend my hand, which he shakes. “It’s nice to see a friendly face around here. It’s nice to see a friendly face these days.”
“I kinda figured that, I only could’ve guessed it would’ve been a rough week. Anything I can get you?”
“A shot of vodka will be fine, thank you.” It only took him a few moments to return with a shot and placed it in front of me. I slammed the drink down. Enjoying the burn as it went down. A look a shock appeared on Bill’s face. “I’m not the drinking type, but I needed that.”
“Alrighty then, not that I wouldn’t blame you, not now. Not after seeing that news segment the other day.” He can tell I am visibly shaken from that comment. He lays his hand on my arm. “Look, I know what you’re going through.”
“How would you know?” I shoot back. He shakes his head, not in shame, but in my lack of understanding.
“I’ve been where Toby was. Not the sandbox, but the good ole jungle of ‘Nam. It’s rough, and it may be because I’ve been there, but death is very real, a very everyday event. Much less nowadays, but back in the day, it was a bloody mess.”
“But how is this helping any?” The tears welling up in my eyes, “I don’t know if he’s alive or dead!”
“I know how you feel, or at least my wife does. But she didn’t see my bloody face all over national television.” There’s a pause. “Toby did say lots of wonderful things about you. He was right to say you are such a caring person. He’s a damn fine person and I’d hate to lose him as much as you do. He came in one day, probably right before he deployed and said if anything were to happen to him, whatever that might be, that I was to help out anyway I can. I’m not the type of man to back off from a promise.” He reached into the bar, pulled an envelope and placed it on the bar in front of me. “It may not be much, but you want you can work here every other day. I could use a bit of help everyone now and then.”
“Bill,” I couldn’t keep myself from crying. “T-Thank you, you don’t know what this means to me. I don’t know how to repay you.”
“Don’t worry about it, Toby is a good guy, I just wish I could do more. Go get some sleep, alright? You look like you could use some rest.”
“Thank you, again. This means the world to me.” And from there I got up and left. I waved good-bye as I exited. It was still cold; it’s always been cold. I hate the cold. I get back to the apartment. Locking the door behind me as I enter, I just walk to the bedroom. Though I didn’t know anything today, I feel drained, my emotions blank, my mind now where to be found. I don’t know how I found the energy to change, or just get out of my clothes. Finally, collapsing on the bed, I look to where he would lay. It was hard to tell when I finally stopped crying and fell asleep.