//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: One Soldier's Twilight // by Dr.Shisno //------------------------------// The next two weeks were a blur. We spent whole days at the library. Great Expectations was just the beginning, the first day really. Next we covered books by Twain, Fitzgerald, Steinbeck, Geothe, Hemingway just to name a few. I would read every night to try and get ahead to surprise her. I even missed the new episodes of My Little Pony to either read or see her for coffee. But no matter how much I read ahead or how much I thought I understood clearly, she knew every detail of the book, author, everything. I was quite amazed. She’d spend a few hours explaining the book then we’d talk about some of the deeper aspects of the book. Of course it was more of her talking, and me listening but I didn’t mind at all. Being there with her was more than enough. Of course I made the jokes just to hear her giggle, to see her smile. Usually we both went our separate ways, only occasionally getting dinner together even then it was only to continue our discussion over the book we were reading. When we actually talked about something other than books, I still rarely talked. There is much about my past I still I cannot forget, nor wish to talk about. I wasn’t about to scare off Twi, not someone who I found safe to be around. Ever since I began to meet with Twi, the nightmares began to stop. I used to have them at least once or twice a night. Now though, even after two weeks, I really haven’t had a nightmare. That first night though, after meeting her, I slept more soundly than I have ever had, even the time before I was shipped to basic training. Hell, I even had images of her dancing about my head. Her smile, the radiance in her eyes, her giggle as she laughed at my terrible jokes, all of it was oh so beautiful, so pure. There would be times I was with her that I could feel her stare, feel her glancing my way. Hell, I even caught her a few times. She would even act like she wasn’t, playing her innocence, which I didn’t mind. Good, I at least knew I was getting to her as she was getting to me. It was like this for a while, and I was enjoying every moment of it. Eventually, we got out of fiction and picked personal accounts. The first one picked was by a Russian, a Russian solider, Arkady Babchenko and his book One Soldier’s War. Which was about his accounts of the first and second Chechen conflicts and I couldn’t bare to read it. My hands were shaking when I read the first few pages. Babchenko’s words hit home, nothing was spared in his work. It was very brutal, very… real. “Toby,” Twi said, placing her hand on my arm. “We don’t have to read this. I just choose this because I thought you would want to read something other than all of these over the top, well written novels. I just assumed you wanted something different.” “It’s fine, really. We can read it. It’s just his raw nature of his words that startle me. It’s too familiar.” “Familiar?” The look on her face asked for more answers, but knew she wouldn’t get them. “We don’t have to read it, really. If it troubles you that much, we don’t have to,” then grabbing my hand and squeezing, “promise.” “I just, I can’t do this tonight. We can do this, just not now.” “That’s perfectly understandable. It’s late anyways, we can call it a night anyways,” Twi spoke with such reassurance and with such a look on her face; it made my heart nearly stop. “Why don’t we go for a walk? I think that would help.” “Yeah, I think that would help,” pushing myself up and away from the table, “where to then, Twi?” “Hmm,” she thought with a smile walking towards me. “Well, let’s walk around, maybe grab a drink somewhere?” Wrapping herself around my arm, “I think a drink or two would lighten you up, don’t you think?” Her questioning eyes peering into my soul. “You’re probably right, a drink sounds wonderful. I think I know of a great place for that.” “A place? What’s wrong with your place? I’m curious as to what you call home?” “Um… but…” I fidgeted nervously as she ran her finger along my chest. “Sure, why not? I’m not sure what I have for drinks, but I think I can find something.” “I’m sure whatever you have will do just fine,” she giggled. “I know how to hold my drink. Lead the way then, Toby.” Gesturing to the door. I shook my head, thinking what have I gotten myself into this time, and then walked out the door with Twi around my arm. The air nipped at my face, as we stepped out into the night. Twi gripped tighter around my arm, in effort to acquire more warmth. I smiled; it’s such a perfect moment. And I longed for it to last forever. Seeing that it’s long walk back to my apartment, my wish was granted. We walked in silence, enjoying each other’s company and warmth. I could feel her glances, her longing for something, anything. If I only knew, I would give it to her. The walk didn’t take as long as I thought it would, but hell, I was happy. “So,” Twi finally breaks the silence. “I’m curious, what is going on in that head of yours?” “Oh this ole thing?” Tapping my head with my free hand. “Right now, it’s thinking about how beautiful this night is. I’ve never really noticed before. With all the looking down I do these days, sometimes I forget to look up.” She looks up at me. “That’s deep, but you shouldn’t think that way, there are plenty of things to be happy about,” giving my arm a squeeze. “You have me here right now, and I’m here for you.” “I know, I’m happy and glad for it. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Looking deep into her eyes with a smile, those soul gazing purple eyes. We finally arrive at the complex; I lead her up the stairs to my apartment. It’s hard not to show how nervous I really am. “All those years of training,” I think to myself as I unlock and open the door. “All those times in the sandbox and I’m still nervous like a teenager behind the wheel for the first time.” I shake my head in spite of myself. The apartment is dark, flicking on the lights only reveals only the mess of books laid strewn everywhere. “Sorry about the mess, it usually isn’t this bad. Even normally it’s usually my art laid about.” “Art, I didn’t know you were an artist, you’re quite the well rounded mysterious man, Toby.” She smiled at me. “And I must say,” examining some of my works hanging on the walls. “These works are impressive.” “They’re just sketches, nothing too great. Anyways, make yourself at home,” I move into the kitchen to get the drinks. “Oh, I will do that. It isn’t as bad as my place,” a giggle from the living room. “Except I’ve got more books and less artwork. Though I wouldn’t mind some of these hanging on my walls.” “Look at the desk. I’m sure if there is something you like, you can take it.” I say looking through the fridge, finding only a few beer cans and a half empty bottle of vodka. No, I couldn’t serve her that. Then I remembered I always keep something special in the wine chiller. Grabbing two tall, slender glasses, “Champagne, Twi?” “Champagne?” Twi walked into the kitchen in amazement. “Now aren’t you the redefined gentleman. An artist, a scholar, and a man with good tastes,” she approached closer to me, running her finger along my chest. “What else do have up your sleeves?” Popping open the bottle and pouring her a glass. “Walk around,” handing her a glass. “I’m sure there's more to be found in this mess I like to call home.” Twi thanked me. Taking her glass, she walked out of the kitchen, a sly grin on her face. My mind was a blaze with thoughts and feelings as I poured my own glass. What am I supposed to do? Here I go again, the high-speed-low-drag operator getting nervous at his first jump. Smacking my head, focus Toby, you have to focus. “Toby? Is this picture of you?” I heard the questioning for answer in her voice. I sighed; I kind of figured she’d see the picture eventually. Gripping my glass, primed for interrogation, I walked into the living room. Twi was of course was standing there by the picture, waiting for me. “Yes, Twi. That’s me. Back not too long ago actually. Back in the sandbox, back in my own corner of hell.” “You’re a soldier? Why didn’t you say so? That’s kinda important to say.” “There are a lot of things that come with the job that I don’t like discussing too much about. I joined after my father passed, which was more or less after high school.” “Is that the reason you fight?” “Nah, but it wasn’t whole mom, flag, and apple pie thing, that’s for sure. Part of me always wanted to serve and I needed to help my mom out. So, I saw a dream and a problem, solved them both.” “Seems very kind and self-sacrificing of you. Helping your family out that way. A gentleman, indeed.” "Also, put myself out there because I believe that one day that my family, my kids, my grand kids, who ever. Anyone upon this earth may one day live in peace, as how backwards as that seems. Fighting for peace.” “Sure it’s a bit backwards, but we all have hopes for this world, Mr. Philosopher.” She pauses. Sipping her drink, trying to thing of what to say. “Who’s your friend in the picture?” “Oh,” I sighed. It was going to happen eventually. “That’s my friend, Paul. He was the character.” I avoid her eyes. “Wait, he was…?” “Yeah...He’s…” I can feel the tears welling up. No, not now, focus; you’ve got to stay strong. “He’s gone, killed in action. He’s been dead one year, two weeks, and 4 days. Not a day goes by I don’t think about that day, or the lack of what I remember of that day.” I couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes. All those thoughts and feelings, the smoke, the smells, the noise, all so very real, all coming back. “Hey, hey now,” Twi voice reassured. She set her glass down, taking mine as well, setting it down next to it. Moving closer, I felt her hand against my face: her touch calming, her touch soothing. “It’s ok, just look at me, please.” Slowly I lifted my chin to look her in the eyes. She too had tears in her eyes. I don’t know why she did, she never knew Paul like I did. How at the darkest of time, his jokes pulled the team up. His motivation pulled the last ounces of strength when I thought I had none left to give. How his marksmanship saved my ass more than once. So why? “I…” I stumbled through my words. I was scared, nervous, and confused as ever. Words, feelings swirling around my head at 100 miles an hour. Everything in my body just wanted to scream out in agony of loss. To let the world just swallow me up. “I just... I … I don’t…” that’s when I felt her lips on mine. A sweet, albeit wet, embrace. The night slowed, and as I wrapped my arms around her, the world could’ve stopped for all I cared. Hell, I wish I could remember more, but the world just went black around me.