I can’t stand security guards. They’re so stupid. Their faces are stupid. Yeah, I’m gonna say that next time I see one.
You see, Booky, when I left for work this nightday I immediately went to the hospital to see V. Now, before you say anything, I know I said in the previous entry that I was pretty much done with…um…everything…yeah, but you will understand something; V deserves much better than for me to just get on with things and move on. That goes doubly so if I can’t take her with me. And seeing how this little plan might take a little bit of time for me to pull off, I decided that I’m not going punish the poor filly.
So yeah, I went to go see V. Or, as I should say, I went to go see the security guards at the front door waiting on me -and to think, you doubted the existence of the conspiracy against me-. I made a valiant effort to gain access to the building despite the obstacle, but it was all pointless. There were, like, thirty-thousand security guards stationed outside and around the building with…um…with…with seven nin- no, seventeen ninjas at all entry points! I was completely outma- no, only slightly outmatched! Yeah, that’s exactly what happened. I would’ve gotten in to see V had it not been for Celestia and Loopity-Spookitron disguising themselves as…are you buying any of this? Nope, didn’t think so.
To be blunt, I never approached the security guards, mostly out of fear of having my everything broken. I did, however, make it inside the building…only to be immediately recognized by a very special nurse who can go rot in a very special place in Tartarus.
You can’t say I didn’t try. You can say I didn't try very hard. What, you think my ilk -I like that word- makes their way via the flexing of muscles and the doing of the impossible? No, I make my way via deceit and trickery, behind the veil, if you will. And no, I’m not just trying to make myself seem a lot cooler than I actually am. Regardless of that insulting question, I do indeed have a plan that will hopefully gain me eventual audience with V -it makes me sick that I have to actually freaking ‘seek’ it rather than it being granted to me without question-, but I’m afraid that it involves social -ugh- interaction.
I know, you’re confused, but let me get to it, damn it. You difficult stupid.
I brought home the bread this time, Booky! Yeah, that’s right; THE BREAK-IT-DOWN game!
On this daynight’s docket are -in no particular order-: a glass rose, a trombone -ha, I wrote bone-, a book, a lantern, a weird hat, an urn, a stuffed spider, a picture, and a toy. Oh yeah, this is gonna be great! Can you wait? I can’t. Oooh, I’m getting all drooly at just the thought about talking about it all!
Ready? BRE- hey, here’s a thought; do you wanna do it this time? You know, the intro? You sure? I know it’s a lot of pressure, but it’s definitely worth it. Oh? Well, I’m sorry -not really- to hear that. Alright, I’ll take care of it, but you should see a doctor about that. Are you ready? Alright, next paragraph!
BREAK-IT-DOWN!
Up first is the book -yeah, I get it, you don’t like me with other books, but you’re gonna have to deal- and I have to say that this is a very strange thing for me to have found. Not only due to the quality of the paper and the cover given how I found it in a puddle of what I really hope was mud, but also because it’s just so…I mean, look at the title! “Luna’s Laufter.” That is just…I…I…it…I can’t even say anything! Lookit! I mean, the horrible misspellings are just egregious! How do you misspell Loopity-Katroopa? It’s really simple! And the second part, the part trying to spell laughter….that’s hilarious! I don’t even want to try to read this thing! I mean, how could I expect any of the words to make any bit of sense? V would love this. Trust me, I’m a doctor. And as a doctor, I know that nerd Twilight is just gonna splurge bits out of her eyes for this thing! Perceived value: forty-nine bits.
Coming in hot for the second item this daynight is the urn. I’ve never held an urn before. So that was a new experience for me. I’ve never seen what they’re used for. I mean, I know what they are, but I never really learned what they do. Want to know why that is? Well, my companionish book, my dearest daddy taught me that touching our urn -he referred to it as Grandma’s Urn, which tells me he stole it- was a…um…punchable offense. So I know what it’s called, but not what it’s for. I also know that this one was filled with ash for some reason. I poured that crap out into one of the gardens I passed by. And yes, I know what ash is, Booky, all of my prior possessions and Shirley are ash right now, thank you for reminding me. Jerk. As for this thing, however, I guess I can use it as a vase or something…or, better yet, I can put some flowers in it and give it to V! That’s a great idea! I’ll have to ask Rose the Double-Agent what would look best in it. Perceived value: uh…not for sale.
Ah yes, the toy. I’ve never seen anything like this before. You see, it’s a toy depicting a royal guard pony standing on his hind-legs whilst holding a gigantic sword in his fore-legs and his head held to the sky in open scream. Confused? Well, it doesn’t get any better. I found it next to a little base that the guard can stand on. When the guard is on the base, you can press a little button and that activates what’s fun about the toy…I guess. What it does is the guard starts spinning viciously on his hind-legs, swinging that giant sword around and around while the base lets out a slightly scratchy sounding, “Spin to win! For -unintelligible static-!” Yep. That’s a thing. I think V would like it. You know what? I’m gonna give it to her. Perceived value: again…um…not for sale.
I might as well get to damn point so I don’t confuse you anymore. You see, that glass rose I found is absolutely gorgeous. The crafting is exquisite and the colors are absolutely breathtaking. I mean, look at that thing. It’s awesome! Every detail, completely correct. I love it. However, since the guards will not let me into the damn hospital to see V, I must make a sacrifice -which, as you know, I’m incredibly fond of making- for her. I’m more than convinced that Rose the Agent of Doubleness will bend over sideways for it. I’ll have her be my contact with V so that I can get messages and crap to her. The urn, the spider, and the toy will be the first of it. The only sad thing is that I don’t want to get rid of it. I mean, seriously, look at it! It’s beautiful! Ugh…sometimes I hate being perfect. Perceived value: priceless…to Rose the Agent-Agent…I hope.
Oh, right, I haven’t gone on about the spider yet. Well, here I go.
This is a cute little plush of the most evil creature in existence. I found it in Carty. Yep. In Carty. I found it there. I did not in any way take it from an open window. Nope. That did not happen. This was found in Carty. By me. In Carty. By no means of my putting it there. And it will be V’s here shortly enough and thus removing any implications that may point to me as the one who found it in Carty and seriously did not take it from an open window where somepony had foolishly placed it. Yep. Perceived value: it belongs to V, so you’ll have to ask her because it is not mine and has never been mine and is in no way associated with me.
Near the place where the spider appeared in Carty is where I found this cute little hat. Isn’t it adorable? I hate it. I found it, happily found it, in the dirt where it had been stomped into it. It was right next to what appeared to be the charred remains of a toy train. Hm, a lot of fire based things this time…um…if this is foreshadowing…I’m going to go ahead and ask that it not be. Please. Anyholiday…um..yeah, the hat is weird cause it has a little propeller on top of it. Yeah…and is weird. Perceived value: twenty bits.
My favorite find is this trombone -ha, I said bone-. I’ve never held one of these before. How do you play it? Do you stroke this long, slender thing while you blow on the tip? Tromebones -ha, I wrote bones- are weird. I don’t even think I’ve ever heard one be played. It’s really big, though. The damn thing took up half of Carty’s space. So I don’t think I’m gonna carry this trombone -ha, I said…I mean wrote…I mean…uh…look, it says bone…yeah…hehe- around very long. Probably just get it to Twilight’s so she can give me money for it. Trombones -ha, I…you get the joke- must be really expensive if they’re so intricately made. Perceived value: one hundred bits.
This lantern. It’s a lantern. I can use it. I’m gonna sell it anylay. Perceived value: thirty bits.
Now this picture…where do I start? It’s a little thing, like something you’d put on your mantle if you had one. It depicts a happy mother with her happy little colt. Aw, it looks like they’re really enjoying each other’s company. The little fella’s trying to eat her mane and she’s just laughing away without a care in the world. It’s funny that’s the case considering that the colt is trying to eat her mane. Silly mommy, that’s not good! You can’t let the little guy eat your mane! Mane’s are for styling, not eating! Haha, look at him, he doesn’t even know he’s in the picture! I bet that if he saw whoever was taking the picture he’d hide right under his mommy for protection. And she’d protect him cause she’s obviously a good mommy. He’d be safe there. Right there. With his mommy. And she’d be happy. Right there. With her colt. The colt she loves more than life itself. A colt that’d miss her more than words can express if she…wasn’t there. It’s okay though…cause he’s trying to eat her mane and she’s smiling, absolutely in love with her precious ball of joy. Perceived value: two hundred bits.
Yup. That’s it.
Uh…tomorrow I’ll have to -ugh- talk to Rose the Double Agent about getting that stuff to V for me. Then I’ll go and sell all of that to Twilight. And yes, I’m gonna avoid all other contact I can.
…D-Damn it...stupid p-picture...