The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 2 Dan Vs. Pinkie Pie
Chapter 11 Chris Vs. Elise
-oooooo-
Pinkie silently looked out the passenger window into the dwindling day, the shadows of palm trees and buildings washing over her distant expression and slumped shoulders. Dan’s sudden and unexpected decision to head home still weighing heavily on her mind.
We had fun right...? I mean…minus all the unintended carnage… Actually Dan seemed to enjoy that more than anything. So, why…
Pinkie sighed and continued to look out the window.
Chris drove silently as well, searching for something to say.
Not only was Pinkie being uncharacteristically quiet, he noted she had buckled up without the little fanfare that tended to accompany the accomplishment.
He thought for a little bit then broke the silence. “I think you’ll really like Elise,” he said with a hopeful grin.
Pinkie turned her head and smiled. At least I’ll get to make another new friend.
“I know I will, Chris. Making new friends is the best…” Pinkie trailed off as she remembered something. “Sooo, Elise is done with her platuniwatsit?”
“Yep!” Chris said, his voice perking up a bit. “It’s been picked up and our house is back to normal.”
“It must be interesting with your wife bringing home all sorts of neat projects,” Pinkie said, shifting her body to face Chris better.
Chris laughed nervously. “Well, ‘interesting’ isn’t the word I’d use most the time.”
Pinkie cupped her hands together. “What word would you use? Fascinating? Fantastical? Far-out? Fabulous? Oooo! Ooooo! Fun?”
Chris looked forward, staring at the road. “More like frightening…actually, no, that’s not strong enough, terrifying.” He responded, the humor having left his voice.
“I seee…” Pinkie said, unsure of how to respond.
“Also, inconvenient…usually both.” Chris’s eyes narrowed.
Pinkie went silent and stared forward.
“I’m sorry,” Chris said. “It’s just…” he lifted a hand off the steering wheel and turned it palm up, searching for the words. “for the longest time she just didn’t tell me about her job, and even then she’d be bringing dangerous chemicals home and probably working on worse things in the garage. Who knows what even goes on in the shed.” Chris sighed, slumped his shoulders, and moved his hand back to the steering wheel, shaking his head before continuing, “Now that she’s told me,”--Chris cocked his head to the side and rolled his eyes.--“which she did accidentally, I might add,”--He shifted his expression to a fixed glare on the road—“it’s like she thinks she can just bring this stuff home whenever it’s convenient! So, now every few weeks it’s ‘put on this hazmat suit’, ‘stay out of the shed, I accidentally broke a terrarium full of genetically engineered, acid spitting tarantulas’, ‘I had to throw out all the food, because it may have been contaminated with nerve gas’”. Chris shuddered on the mention of the last one.
“Well, maybe you should let her know how this all makes you feel!” Pinkie added helpfully. “My friends and I always tell each other how we’re feeling, and we get along great!”
Chris sighed, “I’ve tried that." He frowned and knitted his brow as he continued, "Elise usually just makes a comment about how I’m such a good sport about it all and then I feel awkward to even continue bringing it up.”
Pinkie shifted nervously in the car seat, wishing very much that the conversation would end.
“It’s just…I really feel like she cares about her job more than me,” Chris said.
“I’m sure she loves you just as much as you love her, Chris!” Pinkie said, trying to maintain a cheery disposition towards the very awkward conversation.
“Pfft, yeah,” Chris said with a touch of sarcasm. “Maybe I should switch her and ice cream so she and I can both have something we love more than each other…”
Pinkie’s eyes went wide and she gritted her teeth behind closed lips. Oh please let this car ride end soon! Oh please, oh please, oh please, oh…
“We’re here,” Chris announced, pulling the car into the driveway.
Pinkie made a quick glance towards the ceiling. Oh thank Celestia!
“Thanks for listening to me Pinkie,” Chris said as he exited the car. “Dan usually just starts with how I should divorce Elise..." He paused and added, "Usually without me saying anything…”
Pinkie forced an awkward smile. “Sure…what are friends for?”
Chris opened the door and held it open for Pinkie, the two walked into the house as Elise walked out of the kitchen to greet them.
“Hi guys, just in time!” Elise said, with a plastered smile.
“Ooh, that’s a nifty hat!” Pinkie said.
Elise glanced up at the headset she had forgotten to take off, and grabbed it with a flash, tossing it into some far off corner of the house.
“You must be Pinkie!” Elise said, extending a hand. “Chris has said so much about you.” Elise said, desperately trying to fake an earnest tone of voice.
“…I did?” Chris asked, a hint of confusion in his voice.
Pinkie took Elise’s hand and gave it a vigorous shake. “Chris has said a lot about, you, too!” she replied excitedly.
“All good, I hope.” Elise said, attempting to wink at Chris, but succeeding in something that more resembled an eye twitch.
“He said he loves you more than anything!” Pinkie said with a big smile. …Well it was kinda what he said, at least.
“Oh…You…” Elise began, her brain failing to come up with a cute pet name. “I missed…”-- Elise glanced to the side for a split second--"You!” Walking up to Chris, she stood on her tip-toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his cheek and palmed the microphone she had planted inside his shirt collar that morning.
“Hey honey! It’s good to come home…and not have to suit up!” Chris added, building the statement out of false enthusiasm.
Elise decided to change the subject. “Ahhh…sit down! Let me dish up! You’ve had a hard day…”
“Yeah…”Chris’s fake smile disintegrated into a look of concern. “How did you know?”
“Oh I…” Elise trailed off, trying to figure out something plausible. “Caught the news about the mall fire…on the news!”
Good job, me.
A+
Chris’s face shifted to one of mild irritation, “I never said we were at the mall.”
Elise's eyes widened. Crud!
“SO,” Elise attempted to force a smile, but it got stuck in grimaceville before completing the journey. “Dan wasn’t too keen on vegetarian, huh?”
Chris rolled his eyes. “You guessed it,” he answered sarcastically.
Elise’s heart pounded in her chest. Why am I so bad at this?
Pinkie’s eyes shifted back and forth between the couple. Sharing a house with a married couple and their two kids meant she had plenty of experience watching a marital dispute brew, but luckily, she also had plenty of experience defusing them as well…”You know what always makes me feel better? A delicious meal!” Pinkie said, forcing the biggest smile she could muster.
Elise saw her opportunity, grabbed it with both hands, and ran with it…as far as she could in the small house.
“Oh yes! Let me just go dish everyone up…” Elise spun, walked a few feet to the stove and countertop, and dished up three plates of spiced, sautéed vegetables inside warm tortillas
Chris sat down, watching Elise, an irritated and suspicious look on his face.
Pinkie sat down, watching Chris, concerned that expression on his face meant he probably wasn’t feeling any better.
Elise placed a plate in front of her husband, guest, and then at the empty spot across the small round table for her.
Chris wordlessly began to eat.
Pinkie took a few bites, “Hmmmmm, this is scrum-dilly-umpchus!” She said excitedly. “Oh, thank you ever so much for inviting me!”
Elise smiled. “No problem! We’re happy to have you!..Oh! Almost forgot…” Elise walked over to the fridge and produced a pitcher of fresh strawberry lemonade.
Pinkie’s eye lit up, “Hey! That looks like the real version of the fake drink I was served at ‘Lenny’s’!”
“Oh, really?” Elise began. “I didn’t…” Elise caught Chris’s expression as she realized she had just made a fatal error. “…didn’t know…” Elise trailed off, and sat the pitcher down on the table.
Pinkie glanced back and forth between the two, realizing things were about to go critical.
“So, Elise”, Chris said, the anger building in his voice. “Did you bug me, or just follow us around all day watching from the shadows?”
“Don’t be silly!” Elise said with a nervous smile, trying to salvage the situation. “I was home working here the entire time!” She insisted.
“So you did have me bugged!”
“Ididn’tsaythat.” Elise said, quickly.
“You didn’t deny it either!” Chris shot back.
“Hey, you know what we can do?” Pinkie said, desperate to change the subject.
“STAY OUT OF IT!” Was the response she got for her troubles from both Elise and Chris.
Pinkie sat back in her chair, wishing she could shrink.
Elise went on the offensive, “Look Chris, I’m sorry if my job can be inconvenient and terrifying, but one of us needs to put food on the table.”
“Must be easy to win arguments when you’re spying on every word your husband says,” Chris countered as he leaned on the table, moving closer to Elise.
Elise realized she was digging herself deeper, she tried to think of something to change the subject to.
Chris beat her to it.
“Nice fajita’s by the way. You know fajitas usually have protein.”
“Well, maybe if you ate something besides five courses of bacon every day and a tub of ice cream, I could figure out how to cook something else!” Elise also leaned on the table, the two a few feet away from each other, and practically yelling at this point. “Hey! Maybe I should just combine the two, then you’ll really have something you can love more than me!” Elise said with an accusatory finger.
“YOU LEAVE BACON ICE CREAM OUT OF THIS! A LEAST SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME!”
Pinkie stood up in a flash, and asked, “Bathroom?”
Without turning, the couple both pointed down the hall angrily with the same stance a parent might take to tell a child to go to their room.
Pinkie dashed off to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
She looked at herself in the mirror.
“OK, me,” she said to her reflection. “We need an ‘S’ level couple argument ending plan here!’
“Ooh! Ooh!” her reflection responded. “Why don’t you go out there and throw them a surprise mini-party!”
“Yeaaah…” Pinkie said as she looked towards the ceiling and rubbed her chin. “Good idea, mirror-me!”
Pinkie grabbed a few deflated balloons from her pockets. She had purchased some basic party supplies from the mall in case an emergency party needed to be thrown.
“And to think, Dan had laughed at me…” Pinkie said slyly.
Pinkie blew air into a balloon and struggled to tie it closed with her hands and teeth.
“Grrrr…this was so much easier when I had hooves!” Pinkie said with a frustrated tone.
“Give me one! I can help!” her reflection answered.
“No mirror-me, you’re just my reflection! You don’t exist!”
Her reflection stuck up her nose. “Hmph! Rude!” the reflection said, storming off out of sight.
Pinkie struggled to blow up and tie off a couple more balloons as the noise from the kitchen/dining room intensified. She grabbed a handful of confetti from her other pocket, rushed towards the bickering couple who were now full on yelling at each other.
“WHO WANTS TO PAR-TAY?!” she asked with an excited open mouth smile, throwing confetti and balloons into the air, one of the balloons making a rude noise as it deflated, spun in the air a few times, and shot off into Elise’s lemonade pitcher.
Chris and Elise stopped and stared blankly at Pinkie.
Pinkie's smile remained plastered on her face as beads of sweat began to form on her brow. Well…at least they stopped yelling at each other.
“…Maybe I should take you home, Pinkie.” Chris offered.
Pinkie bowed her head, slumped her shoulders, sighed, and nodded her head up and down.
Chris and Pinkie made their way to the door.
“Bye, Elise…” Pinkie said quietly, “It was…nic…let’s do this agai…maybe next time?” Pinkie offered. Having run out of anything positive to say about the experience, she exited through the door.
Chris followed, but turned back to Elise once he was outside.
“You did already take off what you were using to spy on me, right?” He said, with a glare that could melt glaciers.
Elise gulped, reached into her pocket, and pulled out a small microphone, showing it to Chris.
Chris turned his back to Elise and walked out the door. “Beans,” he said simply.
Elise knitted her brow. “What?”
“Beans would have added some protein,” Chris said, slamming the door before Elise could respond.
Elise made a growling sound and threw out her tensed hands in an expression of wanting to strangle someone. Why do I have to be so bad at keeping secrets?
Elise dropped one hand to the side, and buried her face in the other. Sighing, she made her way to the couch and sat down. I don’t think a few pints of bacon ice-cream are going to get me out of this one.
She looked down at the couch, the logical place she would be sleeping tonight, musing on the thought that she was the one in trouble, for a change.
-ooooooo-
Pinkie and Chris sat in awkward silence as he drove her back to her apartment. Night had set and the streetlights illuminated the interior of the car, only to retreat into darkness over and over again.
Chris was the first to breach the silent wall between the two, “I’m…sorry you had to see that.”
“And I’m sorry to have caused it,” Pinkie said bluntly.
“What?” Chris asked, surprised. “You didn’t…”
Pinkie vigorously shook her head. “Yes I did,” she insisted. “She probably thought I was suspicious, just like you and Dan did when you first saw me. That’s why she was spying....”
Chris looked back at the road and processed this. Well, that makes a lot of sense. Excluding explanations that involved dimensional travel, I still have no idea where Pinkie came from, what she's doing here, and why she seems to have an unlimited supply of money.
Maybe Elise had a good reason for doing what she did.
Maybe she wanted to protect me…
…or herself…
…or her work.
Chris sighed, having quickly and easily talked himself out of any nobility or spousal concern on Elise’s part.
“No Pinkie, it’s not your fault,” Chris said. “I know I’ve dumped a lot on you tonight, but…” Chris trailed off, not sure if he had the right to force more of his problems on the normally energetic girl sitting next to him.
“It’s OK, Chris,” Pinkie said as she put a comforting hand on top of one of Chris's.
“It’s just…sometimes she treats me as bad as Dan, you know?”
Pinkie said nothing.
“But, I expect it of Dan…” Chris swallowed. “It’s not easy being treated as a means to an end by someone you love.”
Pinkie’s chest tightened. What in Tartarus are you supposed to say to that?!
Chris sighed again as he continued, “Just…thanks for listening. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this sort of stuff…”
“I’ll listen to you anytime.” Pinkie added along with her other hand to his on the steering wheel. She mentally added But PLEASE don’t make me sit through another argument with your wife.
Chris turned to face the pink-haired girl in the seat next to him. “Thanks Pinkie, that means a lot,” He said with an earnest smile.
Pinkie retracted her hands to her lap. “Sure thing Chris.” Chris is sweet, but becoming his confidant within a 24 hour period of meeting him isn't exactly how I pictured getting on with him.
...I sure hope Dan is feeling better.
Heck, I don’t care if he just screams at me and dunks my head in more Everclear at this point....
Eventually, the car pulled next to 'Casa Paradisio'.
Pinkie quickly unbuckled, opened her door, and got out of the car. She stopped for a second, and poked her head back in.
“Hey, Chris.”
“Yeah, Pinkie?”
“I hope you work things out with Elise.”
Chris paused for a few moments. “…Yeah. Me, too,” he said finally.
Pinkie smiled and closed the door.
Chris drove off into the night.
Pinkie shook her head with a sigh, and slowly climbed the stairs to her apartment. Maybe I should check in with my friends, or check in on Dan. I could use a pick-me-up at this point. Heck, I'll settle for a noisy distraction.
She looked up to realize her lights were on. She smiled, the feeling of excitement returning to her for the first time in hours. Dan must still be putting my things away! Oh, I’m going to give him the biggest hug, ever, ever, ever!
Pinkie threw open the door and shouted an excited “Dan!”
She saw Dan standing in front of her photo album with a small pile of her photos she hadn’t added yet, she inhaled the strong scent of alcohol…
There was the quiet click of a tiny lighter-wheel, a 'fwoosh' of an inflammable fuel catching flame, followed by mad laughter that filled the room.
Laughter quickly cut short by a sound very similar to that of a balloon quickly deflating.