//------------------------------// // Entry Twenty-Six // Story: Diary of an Aspiring Tyrant // by SugarPesticide //------------------------------// September 14, 1000 ANM Ah, to lie in bed in the name of relaxation! I have decided that today is a day of rest, and I shall not squander it slinking about the palace. Blueblood has made no such decision, so I have sent him down to the Bat Cave to determine the proper location for an alligator pit. It will make a nice companion to the reticulated python trap. Of course there is the manner of obtaining these reptiles, but I am certain that such a feat can, within due time, be achieved. But what is this? It seems I have failed to retell the story of my second encounter with that obnoxious blue unicorn on the previous day. I shall relate it straightaway, detailing from the moment I inhaled sharply to launch my righteous tirade. “What have you done, peasant?” I snapped. “Is your insistence at excellence enough to blind you to common sense? What is the meaning of challenging Twilight Sparkle? Speak!” “Trixie didn’t challenge her!” she protested, then paused. “Well, okay, that’s a lie. She … I did. But I didn’t have the chance to humiliate her the way I did with her little friends! And then she showed me up in front of the entire town! She didn’t even bother to let me handle anything, she just shoved me out of the way!” “Peace,” I said authoritatively, lifting a hoof. “Cease this prattling. I know the nature of what happened on that day. You, in all your boasting, destroyed the patience of Twilight Sparkle, prompting her to take action against you to stop the flow of your arrogance. She thus summoned a beast of the stars, then banished it back to the wilds of Everfree.” “What?” She frowned and shifted slightly, as if missing the weight of that awful cape and matching hat. “That isn’t how it went at all! She’s insufferable, but she didn’t summon it. It was those two little brats who ruined everything falling over themselves for me, as I rightly require!” “Indeed? And did it not occur to you that they might be spies, sent by Twilight Sparkle to give her the appearance of innocence? She is a clever pony, far cleverer than you. There is little wonder that you did not piece the puzzle together sooner.” Her brow furrowed. “That’s … actually a good point,” she conceded. “She and her little dragon slave seemed too eager to leave the Great and Powerful Trixie’s dazzling performance. How dare she! That little witch. I was only trying to ruin her life, and she just turned around and ruined mine without a thought!” “Of that I have no doubt,” I said, pleased that my impeccable logic had enlightened her so easily. “But enough of the certainties. What is it you wish to speak with me about?” She composed herself with a huff, lifting her nose in the air in a way that put Blueblood’s similar action to shame. “Ahem. Yes. The Great and Powerful Trixie wishes to speak with Princess Celestia’s little sister. She wishes to become a student of the princess of the night, so she can learn powerful spells to smack Twilight Sparkle from her pedestal. Surely you agree that this is a good idea, right?” A student? I smiled indulgently. “Trixie Lulamoon,” I told her, “I would not take you for my student if you were the last pony in Equestria.” Watching her deflate was genuinely entertaining. “Despite your intentions,” I continued, “your manner of conduct against her, and your failure to initiate relations rationally with the entirety of Ponyville, are shameful at best. You are unworthy of learning my secrets. Where is the responsibility within you? How could you spark a trust? Such a disharmonious soul shall not find a place with me, but beneath me.” Her face turned an interesting shade of purple. “You’re turning me down?” she snarled, and a faint glow appeared around her horn. “I am the greatest equine who ever lived! Who do you think you are, denying me my proper glory just like that? Are you afraid that I’ll turn on you, the way your sister did? You pathetic princess, I’ll show you what I’m made of, and then you’ll have to accept me! I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!” That was quite enough. My wings snapped to attention, and the torches on the walls dimmed a little in response. I was mildly pleased with this effect, but my concern was on more important matters. “I am pathetic?” I asked, keeping my voice perfectly even. “And what is it you could bring to me, little pony? Your parlor tricks?” “They are not parlor tricks!” She really did not know when to let anything be. “They are components of an astounding act, thank you very much! I have hidden depths that you could never begin to dream of! If you would stop and listen to me for a moment, I could tell you of the wondrous adventures I have been on! That would impress you, pretender!” There was an echoing silence in the throne room. The torches faded a little more. The braggart glanced about at the growing shadows, and a bit of anxiety began to creep over her sneering features. I stood, and my tail whipped the air forcefully behind me. “Listen to me, peasant. I am Princess Luna Nocturne Cosmos of Equestria, demigoddess of the night. For thousands of years I have watched over the land, witnessing literally everything under the sun. I have outlasted your ancestors, and I will outlast your descendants. All you can do, I have seen better accomplished elsewhere. “I am she who faced the Witch-king of the North and did not falter. I have faced the Slaver in the Dark with naught but a naked ape for companionship. Tyrants fall before my hoof. The Jester of Madness, the Sorceresses of Equinox, the Apocalypse of Aries, the Violet Ocean: all of these I fought and conquered. I encountered the Deadlights at the Edge of Everything and returned unscathed. I fended off hordes of monsters descending from the stars in the form of bloodthirsty insects and living teeth. I have been granted audience with Iris and Gaia themselves, and am still touched with their harmonious gift. Their presence has not boiled my blood in its veins, nor have they scorched my eyes with their blinding radiance. “All this have I endured, and more besides. Now think carefully, little pony, and do not give me an answer until you have discovered one that is truly satisfactory: what have you done that can possibly impress me?” To her credit, the foalish unicorn took a full three seconds to decide to bolt. She whisked herself out of the room in a blur of blue, nearly lighting her tail on fire in her haste to escape. As she left, I laughed. It was such a glorious thing to put that pony in her place that I could not help but be relieved. My spirits also found themselves lifted at reminding myself of my marvelous accomplishments, though admittedly I had done most of the ones mentioned with Sister Dearest. Still, there are more tales to be told than those. There are also the matters of my prowess in battle, my beautiful tapestry of the night, and my exemplary modesty. I shall have to peruse the library at some point to find assurance that my stories have been sufficiently told. On retreating from the throne room I noticed that the guards on duty appeared shaken. What their concern could possibly be was a mystery, though I did not pursue it. If it was important enough for me to be aware of, then they would have made an effort to tell me. Oh, the very retelling of this encounter has amused me so! I believe I shall have pleasant dreams tonight. In the morning I will undoubtedly rise unimpeded, having forgotten them completely, but I shall live in the moment. Perhaps visions of my exploits will come to me, granting me a time of nostalgia in this softer age.