//------------------------------// // Chapter 16: Dinner // Story: A Black Belt in a Colorful Land // by DismantledAccount //------------------------------// Chapter 16: Dinner The Same Day, Day Two of Alex's Calendar Stick, One Second Later... "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed the new arrival. You know, I was hoping that Ditzy wouldn't have invited her friend inside, Alex thought, sitting upright on the low sofa. The new pony was a black pegasus with a very light blue almost white mane and dark blue eyes. I guess I should introduce myself... Maybe, he thought, while the black pegasus continued screaming. Introductions could go one of several ways, and I hope it doesn't go the 'report monster to authorities' way. Alex cleared his throat, preparing himself to speak. The pegasus responded by rolling its eyes back into its head and fainting. "Yay, a horse that just can't contain its excitement over seeing me, I'm so very grateful," he sighed. At this point Ditzy had stopped hitting herself on the door and turned around. "I'm so sorry about that, Merry can be a little bit excitable," she said, walking over to where 'Merry' was and began examining her. I swear I am going to find a freaking shotgun lying in the mud before a find a horse with a real name. Sigh, what I wouldn't do for a shotgun right now. Or even better, a way out of this hellhole. Ever since I got here It has been one unfortunate experience right into another. And to top it all off I have a huge hole in my leg trapping me in Ditzy's house for another couple days. "Ummmmm... Yeah. I invited Merry over for dinner before I found you in my house... Please don't be mad..." she said, rubbing a hoof behind her head. Alex sighed and facepalmed, "Why would I be mad at you? I'm plenty mad right now, raging in fact, just not at you." "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked hesitantly. "No, I need a different outlet. You've been nothing but nice to me and I don't really want to repay you by hurting you physically or mentally, my conscious would make it difficult," he said. "That's nice of you," said Ditzy, giving him a small smile. "Yeah, yeah, your welcome. Now what are we going to do about your friend here?" Alex asked. "Shouldn't we just wait until she wakes up?" she asked. "And miss out on the fun?" said Alex grinning. "What do you mean?" she asked suspiciously. "There are many enjoyable ways to wake up someone, the easiest is splashing them with cold water," he replied. "Someone? Don't you mean somepony?" she asked. You got to be kidding me, freaking somepony? I'm not even allowed to use real pronouns any more? Just kill me now. "Yes, Ditzy, I meant somepony," Alex sighed. "So why would waking up Merry with cold water make her laugh?" Ditzy asked, somewhat confused. "Who said she would find it funny?" replied Alex, grinning. "I would find it funny, not her." "Hey, that's mean!" she said angrily. "I just had the strangest dream..." groaned Merry. Ditzy quickly stood in front of her blocking Alex from view. "What was your dream about?" she asked. "I dreamed that there was a cute stallion who loved me and then we had sex... twice. He pretty good... And then there was a giant letter opener that chopped off his tail so he told me he didn't love me and ran away. Then there was a sandwich that was really really big and I ate it. Then I gave birth to the stallion that I had sex with... he wasn't happy about that... You were there too! Except you had a blue mane and a red body, also your cutie mark was a lamp and your eyes weren't crooked... Actually that might not have been you... And then there was a big tree that covered in oil so I licked it and found out it was actually maple syrup, it tasted really good. And then I had sex with the cute stallion again. And then I woke up," said Merry. "It was a really weird dream, but the stallion was cute." I... well... yeah... and I thought I was crazy... "...You dreamt all of that in like, three minutes?" asked Ditzy. "I also dreamed of a creepy minotaur-like creature sitting in your living room, but I didn't think that was worth mentioning," she added. "Merry, listen closely. I need you to stay calm while I introduce you to my... guest," said Ditzy. Guest? That's a stretch if I ever heard one. "Why would I need to stay calm?" Merry asked. "He is... a bit unusual... Actually I have a good idea, why don't you close your eyes, Merry, and I will introduce the two of you," said Ditzy, moving out of the way after her friend closed her eyes. "You first, Merry." "Ooooh, mysterious, I like it," she said, "Well, my name is Merry Sunshine and I work with Ditzy at the Post Office, nice to meet you Mr...." "You may call me Alexander." Wow, Merry Sunshine? These names just make me want to murder small insects. She giggled before replying, "You have such a deep voice. Ditzy, can I open my eyes now? I just have to see the stallion that goes with that voice." "As long as you don't freak out or anything," said Ditzy, cringing slightly. Merry opened her eyes and took in a deep breath, "Oh..." she exhaled. "So it wasn't a dream..." she mumbled. "Afraid not, but believe me. I really wish I was dreaming," said Alex. "And why is that?" asked Merry. "Because I hate it here. I would really like to leave and pretend it never happened," said Alex. "But what could you hate about Ponyville?" she exclaimed. "Do you really want to know?" he replied angrily, raising his voice slightly. "Actually I think I'll pass-" she started. "Everything!" he shouted, cutting her off. "From your messed up names to the fact that I don't even know what universe I'm in anymore! Ever since I got here it's been one painful experience into another! I have been bitten by a wolf made out of wood and a snake that defies the laws of physics! I was even imprisoned in a cage barely bigger that I am, if that's not inhumane I don't know what is! Your purple unicorn friend can levitate things with her mind, if that doesn't brake the laws of gravity then what does?! Another thing, you're black and white, you're like a racial gene pool gone wrong! What's up with that? Rainbow is freaking made out of rainbows, and she's a pegasus! The only pegasus I've ever see before that was in a fantasy book! Everything I know to be true has been just ripped away in little over a week. Hell, I'm probably not even breathing oxygen anymore, Its probably condensed sunshine and happiness, because your entire world is the equivalent of being high! And the worst part is that none of this is your fault so being mad at you doesn't help me, unless I find out it is your fault. In which case..." Alex finally took notice of the effect he was having on the mares and drifted off into silence. Merry had pressed herself up against the opposite wall and was crouched down with her ears laying flat against her head; she was visibly shivering. Ditzy had hidden herself behind the chair and all he could see of her was one tear filled eye and a laid back ear. Alex rubbed his face with his hands and sighed, "It hasn't really been a good week..." "I'll just be going now..." said Merry shakily. Alex heard Merry and Ditzy whispering intently about something before he heard a pony, presumably Merry, run out the door. I need to find way out of this place before I lose it for real, Alex thought, with his face still buried in his hands. "Its alright... we all get cranky at times..." said Ditzy hesitantly, coming out of her hiding spot. "That makes me feel better for venting my anger on you how?" Alex asked. "Ummmmmmmmm..." *Knock* *Knock* *Knock* "I'll get it," said Ditzy, eager to have an interruption. Why can't you just leave well enough alone and ignore it? Please? You don't have to answer the door every time someone knocks. Alex thought as Ditzy opened the door. "Come on. Can't I get a break, just once?" he sighed, after seeing an all too familiar purple unicorn in the doorway. And then there was Pink...