The Shattered Remnants of My Mind

by Chivalry


Into the Depths

Chapter 3. Into the Depths:

Part 1: Another Sleepless Night

Dr. Grey was sitting in her office late at night. Since Leon had come to the hospital, she found herself spending more and more time working, trying to help him recover faster. However, she found herself running into a brick wall. Leon was becoming jumpy and timid...well, more so than he already was. She also noticed that the sound of laughter made him tense up and look around in fear.

'There is only one thing that can be wrong. He must have…' but her thoughts were interrupted be the sound of a blood-curdling scream coming from just down the hall, followed by a group of nurses and orderlies galloping down the hall. Since this was her wing of the hospital, she too joined the herd and made for where the noise was coming from. The screams were growing louder and louder, getting more and more painful to hear as time droned on.

'Room 301… 302… 303…' Dr. Grey noted as she ran, checking her charts to know which patient was where. As she rounded the corner, she saw a nurse helping his friend get to their offices. He was missing a large chunk of skin on his neck and he was bleeding profusely. She could see the tendons and muscles in his neck through the gaping wound.

"Wh-what happened?" She asked, trying to keep her composure.

"We were just changing the patient's bandages, when he attacked us. He kicked me and bit Solstice. I've never been so scared in my life," The nurse replied, his voice shaking as they continued to walk past her. She watched the two for a bit as they stumbled down the hallway, then turned and continued to run after the others.

'Please Celestia, don't let this noise be coming from 307. Please…'

"We need some help in here!" She could hear one of the orderlies yelling down the hall.

"Someone get the doctor!" she heard a mare scream.

"I'm here!" Dr. Grey replied, readying herself for what she was about to see. Soon, she arrived at her destination…

Room 307. Leon Christo.

'Dammit…'

"GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" Leon screamed, lashing out at anyone who got close enough.

As Dr. Grey entered the room, she saw several nurses and orderlies surrounding the patient's bed with restraints and fast acting sedatives at the ready. A large pool of crimson red blood by the door with a trail leading to the bed, and on the bed she saw the most terrifying thing she could ever think of.

The kind-hearted Leon was standing on the bloodstained bed. His wings were both extended in a show of dominance and warning for anyone who dared attempt to attack him. His head was lowered like a lion ready to pounce on its prey, but Dr. Grey also noticed that he had blood dripping from his mouth, and his eye seemed to glow an evil red… Even the shadows cast from his figure seemed almost demonic as they cascaded over all of them.

Dr. Grey was completely stunned. She knew Leon, she cared for Leon, but this was not him…No, it couldn't be him. it had to be somepony else. Nopony could go from being so kind to being ready to kill whomever he deemed a threat. She froze in place, unable to think, unable to feel anything... but fear.

But she was brought back to reality when one of the nurses asked, "Ma-am, what should we do now?"

"We need to try to calm him down enough so we can give him the medicine. Brute force won't work." She replied, regaining her composure.

"Leon? Leon, this is Dr. Grey," she started to step forward into the light so he could get a good look at her. He turned abruptly, studying her; making sure that she was whom she said she was.

When he looked at her, she noticed he had a glazed look in his eye. Then, it hit her…

'Oh my gosh… He's not even awake!'

The only thing she could think was to try and wake him up.

"L-Leon!" she yelled. "I need you to WAKE UP! WAKE UP NOW!"

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Part 2: The Blurred Line of Dreams and Reality

Leon was lying awake in bed, having just awoken from yet another terrible nightmare. Knowing he needed his rest if he were ever to see home again, he tried to turn to his side and close his eyes. Dr. Grey had prescribed powerful medicine for his insomnia, but in the end he had to be willing to fall asleep. Willing to put himself into the living hell that was his mind…

Or what was left of it.

Every night in his dreams, he was fighting. Fighting to stay alive and protect the ones closest to him. When he awoke, he merely paused the dream for when he returned to it. As he closed his eyes, he prepared for the fight…

"Hey Christo! Where are you off to in such a hurry?" asked a white colored pegasus pony with white hair as he walked out from behind a dumpster, blocking Leon's path.

Rolling his eyes, Leon began to answer back, "Listen Michael! I haven't got time for this. Now if you'd kindly move out of my way, before I-Woah!" he was tackled to the ground from behind, and was being restrained as five other ponies proceeded to tie him up.

"Now I need to have a little word with you. See this is how it is, because of you getting the highest marks in the year by a good 20%, my parents are forcing me to take extra classes, go out less, my pocket money is being cut off AND my Father would rather have some street urchin like you for a son, than me!"

A pony whose face was shrouded in darkness was holding Leon down. Suddenly, Michael reached for one of the crates in the alleyway and pulled out a syringe. "I'm gonna teach you the true meaning of pain, Christo! And I promise you, you're never going to forget this!" After he had finished saying this, Leon broke free of the restraints and bit the pony that was holding him down.

"ARGH!" he yelled, stumbling back into the wall. Following this, Leon heard somepony screaming. He could only imagine that they had seen what had happened from the street.

Michael dropped the syringe. At this point, his voice changed to one that he couldn't recognize.

"St-stay back!" Michael squealed. Leon heard the fear in his voice and stood up, expanding his wings. He turned so he had all of the ponies in front of him. One moved to assist the one Leon had attacked.

"GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" he barked. He lowered his head, glaring at everyone he saw. He noticed that Michael and the mystery bully had left the alleyway, but others had filed in right after. He felt trapped.

There was a bunch of yelling, but he couldn't understand any of it. His heart was pounding so violently that it shook his entire being. As he continued to scan the crowd, he noticed someone approaching him. A small female pegasus flying towards him. It looked like Windbreaker

"L-Leon!" she yelled. "I need you to WAKE UP! WAKE UP NOW!"

He then realized it was just a dream, and tried to wake…

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Part 3: Breaking Free

Dr. Grey noticed him trying to shake out of his dream, but he was struggling. Needing that last push to bring him back to reality. She did the only thing she thought to do… She ran up, hugged him and whispered in his ear…

Leon was trying his hardest to shake himself from the nightmare, but he couldn't. The darkness had a firm grasp of his consciousness and it wasn't letting go. Suddenly, he noticed the young mare charge at him. His instincts told him to defend against this possible attacker, but seeing the face of his sister made him resist the urge. As the mare got closer, it was becoming apparent that this wasn't his sister, but another mare. Her mane was shorter than Windbreaker's, and she smelled like the flower garden in the hospital's main courtyard. It was Dr. Grey.

She tightly embraced him and whispered…

"Calm down. Please. Do you want your sister to see you like this?"

At this, Leon's body went completely limp in her arms, and he began to shake and sob uncontrollably.

"There, there. Shhhh. It's ok. You're safe now… you're safe," Dr. Grey whispered as she stroked his mane. She sat on the bed with him in her arms, trying to calm him down enough to talk. While Dr. Grey had made it a personal point to not grow emotionally attached to her patients, she couldn't help but weep for Leon. Sometime later, both Leon and Dr. Grey had fallen asleep, and this time Leon did not stir at all. Instead, he enjoyed the most peaceful dream in the arms of the doctor.

The next morning

Sunlight had crept through the shades, flooding the room with light and warmth. A lone ray of light crept onto the face of a sleeping mare. She squinted, trying to keep the light from disturbing her rest. It was a losing battle, and she eventually opened her eyes. As she peered around, she noticed that she was not in her own bed or even her office. She was sitting against the headboard of one of the hospital beds with a young stallion's head in her lap.

'Leon…' She got up, being very careful to not disturb him. He was finally getting some much-deserved rest, and she couldn't be happier. After the events of last night, she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Leon was afflicted with PTSD. It would be hell to try and explain exactly what it meant for him and how he would never completely recover but this conversation could wait until he awoke.

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Part 4: Explanations

"M-Mr. Christo? Sir? I-I-I need you to g-get up," a nurse stated, her voice shaking. As Leon turned to face her, he was smiling, having just awoken from one of the best dreams he had ever had. As he looked around, he saw mops, towels, and his bed; all stained with blood…

As he remembered what happened last night, he jumped.

'By Celestia. What have I done?'

His gaze then turned to the nurse, who was shaking in fear. He wanted to say something, but then decided against it.

"Where is Dr. Grey?" Leon asked the frightened nurse in the most calming voice he could muster.

"She is in her office with some of the other nurses," she answered, a little more relaxed than she was before.

"Thank you. May I go see her?"

"Sure, but I need you to get outta the bed. The sheets kinda need to be changed…"

"Oh, right... Well, I'll be on my way then."

As he climbed out of bed, the nurse stepped back.

"Y-you might want to wash first." She whispered, looking away from him.

He understood. 'I need to try and wash the blood off my face so nopony gets the wrong idea.' As he stepped into the lavatory, he dare not look at the mirror. He didn't want to see what he looked like with the blood covering his face. He just began washing his face with warm water and soap. The soap stung his still open wounds, but he didn't care. He had to wash himself of the marks.

He looked up at the mirror, disgusted with what he saw. He no longer saw his own reflection, but the reflection of a monster. A monster that had nearly killed somepony who was trying to help him. Thinking of this made Leon vomit, but he refused to let the pain of his convulsion keep him from doing what must be done. He cleaned up, again, and left for Dr. Grey's office.

When he left his room, there was a janitor trying to clean the blood off of the floor. As he walked by, he heard the janitor whisper; "I haven't seen this much blood since the war…" Leon hung his head even lower as he trotted through the halls. When he rounded the corner, he peered into the room next to Dr. Grey's office. Inside he saw the nurse whom he had attacked. The nurse was fast asleep under the covers, but Leon could see the bandage on the left side of his neck. He wanted to go in the room. He wanted to apologize for everything he had done. As he started to reach for the door, a hoof reached out and stopped him.

"Don't you think you've already done enough?" A large male Earth Pony hissed. His voice filled with spite.

"How could you do something like this? Do you like to hurt people? Maybe I should teach you the true meaning of pain!" the stallion said as he began to step towards Leon. At this point, Leon had begun to have another flashback. That was how Michael had spoken to him right before the beating…

But his panic attack was interrupted by a very distraught Dr. Grey. "Arthur, STOP!" She barked with hurt and anger in her voice.

"I told you why it happened and that it is not his fault. Solstice is fine, now let it go." At this, the large stallion backed down.

"Now get out of my sight!"

"Y-yes Ma'am!" Arthur replied, and ran down the hall.

"Leon? We need to talk…" Dr. Grey said, her voice like that of a mother; stern, yet caring. He nodded his head.

"Step into my office, and close the door behind you," she said as she walked into the room.

"Y-yes ma'am." Leon did as he was told. Once he had closed the door; he turned to see Dr. Grey, sitting at her desk levitating a medical file.

"Leon, do you know the theory behind dreams and nightmares?"

Leon felt blindsided. 'Why would I know something like that?'

"Based off of your expression, I'd have to say that you don't," Dr. Grey stood as she continued.

"Although we think of sleep as a means of rest for us, our brains never rest. We are always thinking, always reminiscing. A dream is simply a memory or fantasy that our mind plays out while we sleep. Sometimes those dreams are of happy moments or sensations that we have felt; a good dream, but other times, they are based off of a horrifying event or feeling one has experienced. These are called nightmares. Sometimes, these dark memories are so traumatic that they begin to affect the body and mind as one; making the afflicted pony live life as that memory, and treat everypony around them as part of the dream. Many of them never can get their minds where they used to be and some of these ponies go completely insane. Doctors have come to call this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD."

When she said that last sentence, Leon's heart stopped. 'Oh no! Don't tell me…'

"Leon, the ordeal you went through was so terrifying that it has left you with PTSD. Now, I don't know how deeply it affected your thought process while you are awake, but if your nightmares go unchecked, you could completely lose your mind to those memories," she finished, her voice was full of hurt and tears were welling up in her eyes. Leon felt the power behind those last words.

'Lose my mind,' he thought. 'I can't lose myself again. Last night was perhaps the worst thing that I have ever experienced. I had no control of myself. I was all instinct and stuck in the moment. I need to fix this for not only myself, but also my family. I can't take care of either mom or little sis like this.'

Having reached his resolution, Leon looked up at the doctor with a stern look in his eyes.

"What do I have to do?"

Dr. Grey just sat there completely stunned.

'I can't believe it! I was expecting some kind of fight discussing the treatment options, but he has already decided that he will do whatever it takes. This one is full of surprises…' she thought to herself. Then, with renewed confidence, she replied.

"The only true cure is therapy, but it will be a long and grueling process. I can never rid you of the memories, but I can help you come to terms with them."

"Anything it takes. I need to be able to take care of Mom and Windbreaker."