//------------------------------// // Confessions // Story: The Winds of Change: Fog of War // by AgentSnail //------------------------------// Confessions A few doctors were huddled around Jason, talking quietly back and forth as they worked over the tiny body. A beeping started up, his heartbeat slow but regular. Dash had trouble throwing out the feelings of nervousness, despite the fact that Jason was back and alive. A doctor walked over as the group started to break up, tapping at her shoulder to get her attention. "He's going to survive, there's no doubt about that. But it appears that he's basically passed out from a mixture of exhaustion and hunger. Best thing we can do is wait, because I'm sure he'll wake up at some point." The pony sighed. "I'm still a little fuzzy on what you'll need to do and how long it'll take to give him enough love, but I'm sure he'll be up and around before you know it." "Thanks." Dash said thankfully, wiping at her eyes. The doctor nodded, leaving the room and letting them alone. "So Sugarcube, ya care ta explain?" Applejack asked, turning her view from the tiny pony tucked into a hospital bed to the much larger griffin standing in the opposite corner of the room. "Which part?" "Well, Ah guess ya could start with him, and then we can move on ta why Jason decided bein' adorable was a good way to pass out." Dash stared at Applejack for a moment, watching a doctor walk into the room and bend over Jason with a needle. "Bloodwork." He explained. "Not sure if we'll find out much, but we still have some more of his around here." "Is it like pony blood?" "Yeah, mostly. It glows in the dark, which I think relates to the amount of love on hoof." Dash widened her eyes, her mouth partway open. "Okay..." The doctor shrugged. "I'm just telling you what I've seen." "Yeah, I believe you." She said, letting out a dry chuckle as he left. Dash bent over Jason and put an ear to his mouth, checking that he was still breathing as some water dripped from her mane onto his face. "That griffin right there is Eravel." "Yeah, that sounds kinda familiar." "It should, because he's a member of Team Green Bean. Chances are he was in the paper at some point." "This is Eravel?!" Applebloom asked, running over to the griffin and looking at him from different angles. "Ah've never seen a male griffin before, have you sis?" "No, ah don't reckon Ah have." She replied, taking a few steps over. "But if you fought with them, you're okay in my book." Applejack finished, sticking out a hoof for him to shake. Eravel picked up on it after a second, gripping the hoof and gently moving it. Dash watched them let go, Applejack's eyes not leaving the griffin for a few seconds afterwards. "Something caught your eye there Applejack? Handsome guy?" "No, Ah mean Ah- that's not why Ah-" Dash broke into laughter before she could finish, making the other mare turn a little red. "Anyway," The blue mare continued, sobering rather quickly. "What happened out there?" "I- He'd want to tell you, not me." Eravel replied. "Long story short, with part of his horn blown off and all of the burns, he didn't get enough energy from me to actually replace the love he was using." "What burns?" Scoots asked, watching Eravel as he came over and gently put Jason on his other side. There were a symphony of gasps at the scars, ones that emulated lightning in appearance as they drew a straight line from his leg to his shoulder, disappearing into his neck. "My god." Dash said, staring at the off-color markings and lowering a hoof to touch at one gently. "Was he in a lot of pain?" She asked, her voice sounding pained. She'd just assumed that he'd shake off the horn thing, she hadn't seen any of this... And now she felt like a jerk for not worrying more. "Well he was when I picked him up from the field, and for most of the day after that. Did a lot of sleeping, especially because one of his eyes hurt. Anyway, he scared me this one time because he ended up freaking out over it. It felt better so he opened it, and all he could see were hues of grey, apparently. He freaked out about you," He said, pointing to Dash, "Told me later that he was worried that you'd never really have the same colors to you. But then I tried getting him to pull it together, and he tried to use magic. That wasn't pretty at all." "I should've gotten there sooner." Dash said, a tear dripping from her face onto Jason's. "I can't ever keep him from getting hurt. I'm just so useless when it comes to keeping him safe." "Sugar-" "Just listen, Applejack. He's got magic and all, and I know that I won't be as powerful as he is. But we made a pact, back in Canterlot. Watch each other's back or die trying, and I have to say in that light I just look like a joke." "Yer too hard on yerself, ya both are." Applejack replied. "Yer doin' the best with what ya got, and honestly yer doin' a better job than any mare would, given the circumstances." She went silent, watching Applebloom yawn at the end of the bed. "Ah hate to say it, but Ah'd better get goin'. This little filly needs her sleep and all that. But just holler and Ah'll run straight down, free a charge." "Thanks, Applejack, you're a good friend." Dash said, wiping her eyes. "I'm glad I have you." The farm pony nodded, gesturing to Applebloom to follow as she left with a wave. Eravel snored, his head tilted backwards in one of the chairs. Dash let a small smile grace her lips, almost impatiently hopping back over to the bed. She jumped on, careful not to jar Jason too much. If he needed love, well, she would provide it. It was the least she could do, letting him run out like this. That made her feel like an ass, letting the guy that her heart was bound to end up starving because she hadn't expressed her affection, or had just not focused on doing so. Dash pulled herself under the covers, extracting Jason's limp form and setting him on her lap. Scoots lazily stared at her from the end of the bed, before she laid her head down and closed her eyes, presumably too sleepy to stay awake any longer. Her mother's mouth pulled up into a slight smile as she leaned back against the headboard, tracing her hoof over the lightning scar again. Her eyes started to follow the scars that crisscrossed his hooves and legs, skipping along until she reached the cheek that was showing up at her. Dash sighed, stroking her hoof lightly against the little wings in the way Jason liked. It wasn't the kind full of sexual tension and lust, just the gentle caress of the edge of her hoof against his primaries. She wasn't sure if she expected him to move, to push himself against her touch like he usually did, a subconscious thing that she had quickly come to enjoy, like a cat pushing its head against somepony's hoof. But he remained just as lifeless and as unresponsive as before, and that seemed to cut deeper than any knife could. She knew that he was going to be alright, but she couldn't help feeling just as lonely as she had been. Jason was in this body, and she knew he couldn't hear her voice. Yet she decided to speak anyway. "I'm not usually one for these kinds of talks, and even if you can hear me I'm not sure if it'll make any difference. I'm not sure why you didn't have more love, Jason. I love you more than life itself, and I can't even remember to do just that. It was my fault that you went hungry, and I'm lucky you didn't die. I don't- I don't know what I'd do without you Jason, I can hardly handle the loneliness after just a few days." Dash's breath caught, as a tear fell and hit Jason's face. "I miss having a shoulder to cry on, the reassurance and security that being with you provides. I- I wish we didn't have to deal with anything, that we'd have time to relax and be romantic. I miss flirting all the time, and I miss having the time to just cuddle. Our marriage- I want it to happen, but at the same time I know it'll never be perfect. We've got too much still hanging over our heads, and the worry is starting to wear me down." She finished with a sob, knowing that Jason wouldn't make an attempt to console her. "I just- I want to lead a life where we can do the things couples are supposed to do, maybe some stuff that would actually let me show how much I love you. But I can't, I never can." She took in a ragged breath, blinking tears out of her eyes. "We never have the time, and I'm always stuck focusing on the things that I need to do, rather than the things that I want. We shouldn't have to schedule ourselves out, squeeze in times where we can actually cuddle or make love to one another. Things are almost robotic, Jason, and it's just not fair. I can handle the fighting, and maybe a lack of time. But I feel like I'm drifting away from you, and I'm scared." Her voice squeaked on the final syllable, and she quickly found herself out of any position to talk. She wasn't exactly sure how much time went by as she quietly sobbed, still petting Jason's increasingly wet wing. Eventually she lowered herself from a sitting position, pulling Jason to her chest more closely and yanking the covers over the both of them with her mouth. "A-Applejack said something to me today, that we would be done before spring even came around. I know you can't hear me, but the idea of us having a foal, it just- I want that to happen more than anything else. I just wish we didn't have to plan it around things, that you-" Dash stopped talking, her voice cutting out again. She was sure of what she wanted most. Something simple, predictable. She wanted her life back, her relationship. But most of all, she wanted the freedom to do with her life what she wanted, without all of the obstacles in the way. With that revelation Dash felt herself calm down slightly, hugging Jason a little tighter as she dozed off. _____________________________________________________ Dash woke up early the next morning, looking straight at Jason's emotionless, still sleeping face. Dash nuzzled his cheek, the fur on fur contact making her smile ever so slightly. Dash was out of bed a few seconds later, pushing Scoots awake and realizing that she didn't need to do the same for Eravel, who was already staring at her. The blue mare scooped up Jason, pulling an IV from his arm and cradling him as she walked towards the door. His heartbeat was faster, and she knew that he was well on his way to waking back up. She'd bring him back to the house, let him wake up in comfort and away from a hospital room, and then- well, she wasn't really sure. Probably lose her shit or something, after all this stress. Dash looked back to see that the other two were following her, as a doctor quickly began to protest her actions. "You can't move him yet, he'll need fluids, and-" "Look, lady. He's going to wake up soon, and I don't want him to be stuck in this hospital when that happens." "Just- bring him back if he's not up in six hours, alright? No more." "On my honor." Dash replied with a salute, her humor never really getting into the remark. "Is he up and at 'em yet, Sugarcube?" Applejack asked, pushing through the doors. "No, I think he will be soon though." Dash replied, rocking him slightly in the crook of her arm. "Do ya ever tell him ta do that just because?" She asked. "Ah mean, he's mighty cute like that, and Ah'm not sayin' it gets ya goin' or nothin' but he is- Ah mean, Ah could just tickle at his belly for hours, he's such a cute little thing." She paused. "Heh." "I've never really told him to do this, no." Dash began. "But you're right, it makes me think about what a foal would look like when we have one, and even though I know it's him I just- it makes it easier to think of better times, I guess. And yeah, he's really soft." Applejack giggled, reaching out to stroke a hoof down the side of Jason's neck. Jason shifted but didn't wake, letting out a quiet noise that sounded like a coo. Both of the mares drew back slightly, looking at each other before they burst out laughing, immediately going back to tickling Jason. He didn't move again, and the pair quickly began to lose interest in specifically doing just that. "So, Ah came by to visit but if ya'll are plannin' on goin' back ah'll just let ya be. Hey, Ah'd like to have dinner with ya again soon, ah think it'd be fun." She said, giving Dash a teasing poke to the chest. "Yeah, sure." Dash replied, turning around in time with the other mare to find that Scoots had become completely distracted and Eravel stuck in a rather confused looking stare at the older mare. "You have a weird relationship." He said, reaching behind a couch and pulling Scoots out. "Hey, I'll take what I can get. Not a lot of time for us to do the whole romance thing." "Yeah, I guess that kinda makes me feel a little sorry for you." He said, walking through the door and holding it for Dash. She gave him a nod of thanks, fully splaying her wings and looking in the direction of her house, in the opposite side of the sky from the midmorning sun. Dash transferred Jason to her back and slowly took off, wary of the fact that holding Jason put her a little bit off balance. Eravel rose behind her along with Scoots, as they sped off into the air. Dash changed direction as a cloud floated into her way, dipping downwards and suddenly missing the feeling of Jason against her fur. She pulled up, looking back in a panic as he almost seemed to float by with the momentum she had passed off, before beginning to drop like a rock. Naturally, he chose that exact time to wake up, his eyes opening towards Dash as the wind buffeted into his back. He sluggishly looked behind himself, before his legs started to flail and his tiny wings only flapped uselessly. The cyan mare took a mighty flap and sped up, swooping down next to Jason and wrapping him in her hooves. His head was already lolling back again, and she really couldn't blame him for passing out in a situation like this. Dash sighed, feeling guilty as she gripped him tighter and swooped out of her dive. She didn't really care for being slow anymore, and sped past Eravel on the way to her front yard. Her destination began to approach and she took a few backwards flaps, landing on her side to protect the cargo. It was the least she could do, after failing that miserably. And also considering the fact that holding Jason in her hooves like this meant she only had two to land on. She transferred him to the crook of her arm, his fur cold after the vast amount of windchill in the cold winter air. Dash sighed, walking into the door and holding it open for Eravel, who went to land in front of the door and disappeared through her front yard. "Can't you walk on clouds? I mean, I knew a griffin that could..." "I dunno, I've never tried. Actually, I have, but maybe there's a technique to it, or something with magic..." "Yeah, I guess. Could just be ambient stuff floating around." Dash said, slightly confused. But then again, she'd never really seen any of the other griffins attempt the same thing... This was like the first time where she wanted to actually talk to Gilda again. "I'm just going to fly and look around then, if that's okay with you." Eravel said, allowing a little more of his head to show. "Not much point being around here if I'm just going to have to hover. But give me a holler if he wakes up, I'll be kinda close, somewhere or other." Dash nodded, giggling at the appearance of his head sinking back into the cloud like some sort of groundhog would into a burrow. She turned and walked inside, an upbeat looking Scoots racing past her and up the stairs. Dash flapped her wings and rose upwards to the landing, softly touching down and walking into her bedroom. She pulled back the covers and tucked Jason in, leaning down to gently kiss him on the forehead. Dash climbed into the bed with him, putting an arm around his chest as she did so. Scoots joined in, hugging around Jason's back. "Is this how big a foal would be?" She asked, stroking a hoof through Jason's mane. "Probably a little smaller, Scoots." Dash replied. "Well I can see why you'd want to have somepony like this around." She murmured happily, nuzzling up against one of his ears. "Was I ever this cute?" "At some point, yeah." The other mare said, smiling. "But then again, I don't think it's possible for a foal to be anything less than a ball of cute." Scootaloo's stomach rumbled, and she hopped out of the bed. "You want anything?" She asked, turning around once she got to the door. "You don't have to stick around you know, Scoots. Feel free to go out and meet somepony if you want." "It's fine, I'm just-" She yawned. "Well, I might sleep a little bit, actually." The filly replied, turning and leaving the room. "Tell him I love him when he wakes up!" She yelled back, a giggle coming along with the words. Dash smiled, propping Jason against her hoof and letting out a tiny huff of impatience as a few minutes went by. She watched one of his eyes flutter open, before the other followed suit. "Jason." She said, her smile growing as she moved to hug him. "It's about time, you damned bastard." He only pushed at her weakly and she relented, figuring that she was squishing the air out of him. Her expression changed completely as she only retreated to find a face full of tears. "What..." She said, tipping the end of the expression into a question. That only caused a tear to slide down his face as he rolled off her arm and down to the bed below, misjudging his landing and slipping to the ground. Before Dash could jump down to help and ask what the hell had gotten into him, he spoke up. "I don't deserve your love, I'm sorry." He said, arduously getting to his feet as several tears hit the floor. "What are you on about, Jason?!" She yelled, slight anger overtaking her previous concern. "I- I didn't mean to-" "What?" "I didn't mean to cheat on you, Dash, it just-" "What?!" She screamed. "You're joking, there's no way you'd do that!" She yelled, throwing all other thoughts into the back of her mind. "That's not it, I was high at-" Dash stammered over her words, wings twitching in her rage. "You little shit!" "Dash, I didn't get to-" "What?! Explain?! How the fuck do you think you get the right to explain yourself out of this?!" "I- I-" He paused, coughing as his throat contracted painfully. "At least let me-" "No!" She yelled, jumping from the bed and sending a hoof towards his face. He didn't have the time nor the energy to avoid it, and stars exploded across his vision as he splattered against the wall. "What do you think this all is?! Some sort of joke?!" "No, just let me-" "Get out." She said, her voice low. "Get the fuck out!" Dash followed up, as an aura wrapped around one of his legs and jerked him to one side. One second he was inside, and the next he was out the window, spinning like mad as he tried to extend his wings to balance. He hardly got into a glide before his chest hit a cloud, knocking the air out of him and making him wheeze. Dash was probably right, her doing this like she was. He probably deserved it anyway, and on the highest level it was his decision anyway. He just wished it didn't hurt so much. Jason didn't care if anyone saw him, sobbing like there was no tomorrow. In reality, there wasn't. He didn't want to live in a world without Dash, and he knew that in a way he couldn't. If only he had gotten the whole story out, then maybe he would still be up there, in her hooves, giving her the hug he'd been dreaming of for days. ____________________________________________________ Dash retreated into a corner, ignoring her instinct to go over to the window and check that she hadn't killed Jason. There was no way she had, that wasn't- he wouldn't- She heard a quiet sob, and her anger flared again. She only balled herself up, biting her tail to keep from grinding her teeth together. All this time and what? He'd just go off and sleep with some other mare? She'd been worried sick for him, about how she hadn't loved him enough, about how their relationship didn't give her the time to actually be romantic. Now she realized that she'd trusted him too much, that the fact of the matter lay in the fact that she had been played from the beginning. All that talk of children, had it just been one big lie to keep her from noticing their slow drift apart? That seemed to add up, only fueling the frustrated tears that slid along her muzzle. "Mom, what-" Scoots started, before the open door slammed in her face, sealing over as a white haze covered the area. The last thing she wanted right now was to tell her own daughter that Jason hadn't even cared about her. If that had been true, had Scoots just been a tool for him, a way for him to get extra love and a little of her favor? "Mom, let me in!" Scoots yelled, her voice cracking as soft thuds sounded through the wall. The logical part of Dash's mind intervened, pointing out the fact that Jason hadn't even accepted a hug from her after he'd woken up. He'd denied everything she sent his way in the beginning, and then had proceeded to try to tell her everything. Why would he even give anything away if he had cheated on her? Dash sure wouldn't have, well, maybe to Jason, but- Wouldn't that mean he'd actually screwed up? That he was trying to make things right in the only way he knew how? At the same time though, this would probably be the easiest way to get over something, rather than finding out about it later. It just seemed too well timed. So then why hadn't she let him explain? If what he had to say was a forgone conclusion, what had been the aversion to her hearing it out? That was a stupid question, of course, as if she had been thinking of logic when she'd flung her fiancé out the window. She felt sorry for him, everything he'd gone through while he was away, and right now she hated herself for it. Dash still wanted his hooves around her, telling her that it would be alright. She couldn't replace the pony in her mind with anypony else, he was just the one that fit, and knew her well enough to understand her fears. Dash let out a much louder sob than the others, her angry manner shifting to total confusion. She only knew a few things here, that Jason had cheated and that he had been high at the time. But even now, even after what he'd confessed to, she didn't want him to be out of her life. And yet, if he had gone and done what he was acting like he had, well, she just couldn't keep him around. Trust was such a big part of their lives, and Jason seemed to know that so well that he'd specifically attacked that. She wanted to rationalize this, to say that he'd been forced to have the drug, or that he'd been forced into cheating. Something, anything to make him innocent. But his argument, even if she had cut him off, it had no hint of acting as if he'd not been under his own control the whole time. Dash spread out onto her side, bawling her eyes out as she pretended she could melt away into the floor. Scoots was still yelling something that she didn't care to make out, the thunder in her head blocking everything besides her treasonous thoughts. Maybe he'd been affected by the lightning, that maybe it'd altered his brain and something had changed. Maybe he'd forgotten everything about her and everything they'd done together, and only remembered days later. An orange filly flew through the window, landing in front of Dash in an equal state of grief. "Mom, talk to me." "I-" She couldn't seem to formulate words, sentences forming for brief moments in her head before they flew out again, completely forgotten. "What?!" Scoots asked, tears flowing freely from her eyes. "Jason- I- he- said he cheated on me." Scoots took a step back, staring at Dash with wide eyes. "Why?!" She wished she knew the answer. "I don't know." "Well, did you ask?" "What am I supposed to do?! That's how he started his confession, and then told me that he was high at the time!" Dash replied angrily, as Scoots pulled at her with a hoof. "Please, just try. Don't act like this is the end of things already, there's no way he'd do that." The filly protested, making Dash break down into another round of sobs. She took a few minutes to compose herself, before stepping onto the bed. Scoots followed a moment later, confusion on her face. "If- if I'm going to ask him anything, I want the time to know what I'm going to say." She said, laying on her side and closing her eyes. "And- and the time to know I can handle going near him without ripping part of him off. I- I kicked him into a wall, Scoots, and he's hardly bigger than a newborn foal, with about half the energy. I don't know what's even wrong with me, I was so quick to just accept what he was saying and do that, I just-" She broke off into a long bout of crying, her chest tight with a combination of guilt and resilient anger. Scootaloo only hugged her mother tighter, watching her breathing eventually even out. They laid there for what felt like hours, although the thoughts screaming around in her head gave her more than enough to occupy her time with. Scoots never moved either, her eyes focused on the pillow as they slowly leaked tears. Dash let her eyes fall shut for a few minutes, trying to calm her mind. She got up feeling better, under the impression that she could confront Jason without trying to kill him. Dash walked over to the window, her heart giving a painful beat as she watched snow fall. She felt terrible, and all she could hope was that after whatever went down she could go on living with whatever they might still have. __________________________________________________ The first snowflake stuck into Jason's fur, leaving a cool spot as it melted and another one replaced it. It felt nice, complimenting his well deserved lack of love with the cool feeling that almost resembled the feeling he got when he used it. He chewed off a piece of cloud, trying to fill his mouth with some moisture and keep from being so dry. His eyes had no problem pulling moisture out of nowhere, so why did the rest of him? Time went by, the small rivulets of water going down one cheek and into the cloud near his ear never breaking. Sometimes they grew stronger as Jason remembered a particular thing or another, memories that were only that. Something that no one would understand but Dash, the only other codebreaker for the analogies currently estranged from him. And he couldn't assign an ounce of blame to her, not that he'd even want to if he could. Yet as he grew colder he never began to shiver, only accepting the cold as what would hopefully be a good alternative to the horrible pain in his gut. He didn't want to starve to death, and yet he didn't want to stay alive only to feel such a pain until he died of that cause. But even now, he didn't want to let himself die, he wanted to keep fighting until his eventual end, even if he didn't have much of a reason to. He wasn't usually the one to give up, or to accept things as they were, but he'd never wanted more than now to just fall asleep and stay away from the pain. More snow collected, part of him beginning to go numb. For the first time he felt the sting of cold, only allowing it to sink in further. Jason let his eyes close, a drop of melted snow water sliding past his eye and joining with a tear that had just been squeezed out. Someone wiped the layer of snow from his side as a blanket fell over him, hooves gently tucking it around his body. "If you've earned one thing in all this time of saving me and watching my back," Dash said, stepping around to his front with tears in her eyes. "It's the right to explain yourself."