“So what was their reaction Artyom?” My friend, Griffin, asked
“Pretty neutral to be honest, but out of the ones who did vote, ninety something percent gave a thumbs up,” I answered.
“That’s good. So do you think Adult Swim will clear it?”
“Maybe, hard to tell this early on, but who knows?” I answered, looking at the clock. “Alllrighty then I’m going home. I’m going to call you in ten minutes, if you haven’t left yet I’m going to drive back here and drag you out of the office. Got it?” I asked.
“Yeah yeah,” He said, turning back to his computer. I smiled and walked towards the exit.
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“IS THIS SERIOUSLY HOW IT ENDS!?” I shouted.
“Quiet down Etrius! Go to bed!” Twilight shouted from upstairs.
“But… this…how…why?” I walked into the room Twilight had shown me. I flopped down on the bed.
“Nope,” I said, before passing out from a brain overload.
I awoke from my slumber to a rather pleasant sight. No ponies trying to have their way with me, no chains, no whips, no excitement… wait isn’t that a song? Whatever, where did that even come from? Not the time, I smell pancakes.
I got up from the bed and opened the door. Funny, I don’t remember closing it. The room was packed full of ponies. DON’T CARE! I have a fixed gas mask, and I’m going to enjoy it. Wait… how in the hell did I smell pancakes through this then?
I… need to ask Twilight about that. For now though. I slowly backed up, and started to very slowly close the door.
“Wait!” I heard Twilight call
“Yes Twilight?” I stopped closing the door.
“They’re all here because they want to apologize. Won’t you give them a chance?” She asked.
“Uhm… can I say no? Because I feel very uncomfortable?”
“We could do it one at a time… please Etrius! They just want to say sorry!” She pleaded.
“Fine. But for future reference, this is not how you say sorry. This makes you all really creepy,” I said, walking out.
So one by one, each and every mare, and a stallion, came up to me and apologized. I forgave them all and blamed it on science. Just like… uhh… no one liner today, sorry folks.
When the last one left, she closed the door behind her, flashing me a guilty smile on the way out. Twilight trotted over, gave me a smile and wrapped me in a hug. I hesitantly returned it, but she released me quickly. It was a good friend kind of hug. Not too long not too short, just right.
“Thank you for forgiving us all like this. I can think of a lot of ponies who would try and use their guilt against them, or not forgive, or any number of things really,”
“I would normally be surprised that a land of colorful talking ponies isn’t a utopia, but the whole thing I just went through has told me that is very false,”
“We said we were sorry,” She said.
“Not the point. It happened and it’s a thing. Hell, it could still happen should I take this gas mask off, or the filter runs out, or… damnit,”
“What?”
“The filter could run out. I remember these last for three days, because I have nice things, and it’s been a long time since I replaced it,” I said, searching for any others.
I rummaged around in different pockets until I finally found one. One.
“Ok Twilight, we have three days to start mass producing… or at least producing more filters,”
“Well that’s not too much of a problem. What’s it made of?”
“Good question… ugh, the one thing I got wrong on the test… whatever, We can just study the used filter and what not. Three days is plenty of time right?”
“It should be. Give it here,” She said.
I unscrewed the filter and handed it to her. She used her magic to start to dismantle it, and set everything in different piles. I really should have studied more for that test. She went downstairs and came back up a minute later. She was also carrying a microscope. It looked so cute being held by her. I snickered.
“What?” She asked, setting it down on the table.
“I’m never going to be able to take this seriously. A cute little purple unicorn with a teeny tiny microscope spewing out physics and element names… it’s like a school propaganda poster in real life,”
She gave me a flat stare.
“What? I figured you wanted an honest answer!”
“You know I could just leave you with a three days head start, then run around in a fake panic and say how you hurt yourself. We’ll arrange a search party and then we’ll find you, out of filters, and breathing our air, alone, without me to help you escape,”
My eyes went wide as she continued to explain this to me.
“That right there, is the most diabolical, cruel, and unusual form of punishment I can think of. Seriously, how… just… how could you bring yourself to do that to an innocent man?”
“You’re not so innocent,” She said, levitating a small… thing onto the stage. “And besides, I would never do that to a friend,”
“Yeah ye-”
I was cut off as the door slammed open, a rainbow blur flying through and hitting a wall. I shook my head and closed the door. Wait… rainbow blur means Rainbow Dash… oh crap she probably broke something from that impact.
I ran over to her side and looked her over.
“You alright Rainbow Dash?” I asked.
“Mhm?” She mumbled, lifting up her head a bit. Her eyes opened and met mine with a lustful gaze… wait.. did I screw that other filter in?
“I am now that you’re here,” She said, immediately jumping onto me and making out with the gas mask.
“Hey Twilight, could you hand me the filter?” I asked, holding out my hand. I felt something circular drop into it. I pushed Dash’s head away, earning a playful growl from her. I ignored it and screwed on the filter. I really didn’t want her slobber all over my nice, clean gas mask though, so I didn’t let her get back to it.
I pushed her off me, barley, and managed to make my way to the couch. I flopped down, and Rainbow Dash hopped up next to me. She got up in my lap and circled it a few timed. It was like a little kitty! She sat down, and wrapped me in a tight hug. She ran her, admittedly soft hooves all along my back, and rubbed her face on my chest. She also started to grind a certain part of hers against a certain part of mine. I sighed and just let it happen.
“Hey Twilight when does this wear off?” I asked
“An hour or so,” She said, looking through the eyepiece.
“I’m never going to stop loving you, so you better get used to this,” Dash said.
“Nope, this is science, showing me what happens when you screw around in chem,”
“Chem?” Twilight asked
“Chemisty, chem. For short,”
“You studied chemistry?” She asked, looking bewildered.
“Yeah, along with the rest of my country,”
“But… that’s so advanced!” She practically shouted.
“It was hard sure, I got a C in that class, but it’s nothing impossibly hard. It makes sense though,”
“What, chemistry?” She asked.
“No, from what I’ve seen, this world has a lesser understanding of science and technology than mine, so you need less general knowledge and education to function normally in the world. Well… actually we don’t need much either and a lot of school is just busy work but that’s not the point,” I explained.
“I suppose so. Why would you need this mask anyways? I doubt it was for the same reason on your planet,”
“It wasn’t. It was for… uhh… how do I put this nicely. Airborne toxins,”
“Oh. So, for hazardous environments?”
“Very much so. I’m sure you of all people know that some chemicals do not mix well with the hum-pony body,”
“Oh yes. Lots of nasty things out there,”
We continued the conversation for a while, talking about whatever came up, more or less completely ignoring Rainbow Dash, despite her attempts to get me aroused or warrant her attention. She looked pretty frustrated actually, it was so cute! Her cheeks all red. I sighed, content. Ugh, no, no I wasn't, this is awkward.
I lifted her off me and set her down as far away on the couch as I possibly could. She quickly tried to pounce back to her original spot, but I caught her in mid air. She flapped her wings a few times, but that didn’t do anything. She started to flap harder and faster.
“Houston, we have liftoff!” I shouted to no one in particular.
“What?” Twilight asked
“It’s a phrase, I’ll tell you OH GOD DEPLOY THE CHUTE!” I shouted as Dash slapped my hands away. I fell about a foot before she caught me again. I glared at her, not like she could see though, what with the amber lenses and all.
“I saved your life, you owe me a kiss,” She said.
“Ok,” I said, leaning in without taking off my mask.
“No silly! A real kiss! Without that stupid mask!”
“Oh… well then no,” I said
“Too late! You agreed!” She shouted with glee, bringing a hoof up to my mask and leaning in.
I sighed and calmly rolled out of her hold. I flopped onto the couch, and laid there for a moment, too lazy to do anything else. I don’t know how I remained a soldier without breaking my lazy habits. I felt Dash drop on top of me.
“Fine, no kiss? Then I’ll just sleep here until you change your mind,” She said, sounding smug. She flopped down, and wrapped me up with her wings and hooves. Eh, why not? I could use a nap with a living, breathing, very fuzzy pony. And ONLY! A NAP!
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“Yo Griffin! You still at work?” I asked.
“Uh huh… come on over man. You’re not gonna believe this,” He said, then hung up.
I looked at my phone, reading the ‘call ended,’ text on the screen. I frowned, that wasn’t like him. He would always chat my ear off about whatever while I drove over to haul him away. I put the phone in my pocket and walked to my car.
I got in and started the drive to the office, a number of questions playing over and over in my head.