//------------------------------// // Part 2 Dan Vs. Pinkie Pie: Chapter 10 Dan Vs. Mall Cop // Story: The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga Part 2 Dan Vs. Pinkie Pie Chapter 10 Dan Vs. Mall Cop -ooooooo- “So,” Dan said as he rubbed his hands together, “what’s next?” Chris’s jaw dropped. “You’re not serious…DAN,” Chris said raising his voice. “There’s a multi-story clothing store that’s still on fire,” Chris said as he motioned back towards the direction they just walked from, “and you want to know what store we’re going to next?” “Of course! There are several dozen apparel stores here. I figure Pinkie can hit at least half before the mall closes, or they’re forced to kick everyone out from fear of smoke inhalation.” Chris’s pupils dilated, he bent down and wrapped his hands around his knees, and gently started rocking back and forth. Even Pinkie gave a little shudder. “Ummm…” She looked at her two shopping carts full of clothing, the last surviving relics of a once proud, but now flaming anchor store. “I’m pretty sure I have enough clothes, now.” Chris sat back upright, hope returning to his face. Dan shrugged. “Suit yourself.” Pinkie giggled and cocked an eyebrow. “Did you just pun? I love puns! Pun rhymes with ‘fun’ and Pinkie Pie is all abo…” “Pinkie”, Dan said, putting a hand on the bubbly girl’s shoulder, “I would like to inform you that I own multiple items capable of delivering blunt force trauma, and remind you that I know where you live.” Dan said calmly with a smile. “Consider me informed and reminded!” Pinkie replied cheerfully. “Pack mule,” Dan said producing his keys and turning to Chris in one, smooth motion. “I parked next to you.” Dan tossed his keys at Chris who snagged them as they hit his chest. “Be a dear and load my car up while the lady and I hit some more shops.” “What? Why?” Chris asked, annoyed that Dan was forcing manual labor on him. “A: Because she lives next to me and I can easily take her home and help her unpack…” At the mention that Dan was not only going to take her home, but actually help her, her face radiated with happiness, she cupped a hand over her fist and brought her hands up to her chin, then started giddily hopping from one foot to the next. “B: Because you’re the Chris.” Pinkie lost her footing and had another date with the ground. “C: Because, do you really want to do more shopping with us?” Pinkie stood up in a flash with a little, “I’m up!” in case anyone hadn’t noticed. Chris looked at Dan, then at Pinkie, then behind her to the smoldering store, smoke still billowing out of the entrance, then at the two full shopping carts. He grinned wide, “Sure I’ll take these to your car, buddy!” Chris placed a hand on either cart and added, “But, it’s an awful lot of clothing, and your car is ever so small. It might take me a while to load it all up.” Dan waved. “Take your time, buddy.” “Ooh! Ooh!” Pinkie bounded up to Chris. “Where should we meet up?” “Food court.” Chris said without so much as having to think. “Ulg, No!” Dan answered disgustedly. “Not the food court.” “Wow! Is that like, where food goes to stand trial? Because that sounds amazing!” Pinkie answered excitedly. “I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you,” Dan said. “Come on, Dan! I’ve given so much today,” Chris insisted. “Don’t take this away from me,” He added, begging as a slight hollowness returned to his voice. Dan rolled his eyes and with an annoyed “Fiiiiiiiiine!” Chris happily pushed the carts towards outside. “So,” Dan started, turning back to Pinkie, “what else do you need for the new place? A set of kitchen knives? A high-speed blender? Power tools? A medieval weapon to smite your enemies with?” Dan asked, moving his eyebrows up and down on the last suggestion. Pinkie pondered this. “Well…There isn’t much there, but I think I conveniently have all the items the plot requires at any given time.” Pinkie said over the sound of a wall collapsing behind her. Dan blinked a few times trying to process what Pinkie just said, shook his head to clear it. “There must be something you need,” he insisted. Pinkie thought a little harder, but stopped when something caught her eye. “Oh! Oh! That thing!” Pinkie ran into a store excitedly and grabbed a pink, frilly photo album. She held it up smiling, and looked around to realize she was standing in an aisle full of stickers, more bedazzling jewels, and other assortment of craft items, and with a high pitched squeal of delight, Pinkie began rummaging through the selection and grabbing item after item, stacking them on top of the photo album. Dan sighed. Oh well, looks like I signed up for a bit more regular shopping and a bit less wanton destruction than I thought. Maybe I can figure out her weaknesses at least… Just then, something caught Dan’s eye. He quickly hid around the entrance to the store and peered out. Mall cop… A large, pudgy man with a small mustache, closely cropped brown hair in a white uniform and black pants held on with a belt that had a small canister, a walkie-talkie, and a small assortment of other small boxes and compartments hanging off of it cruised by on a Segway. Dan narrowed his eyes at the man. The day has come, Mall cop. Your name had been a black stain on “the list” for far too long! Vengeance shall be…” “Who are we spying on?” A familiar, feminine voice whispered from above him. Dan let out a startled “Gah!”, and leapt a few feet away from Pinkie. How does she do that? She’s clumsy enough that she’s wearing a bandage over her forehead, but somehow she can seemingly pop out of nowhere? And how does she do it so quietly? She spends just about every other waking moment talking or making some high-pitched noise or anoth… “Dan?” Pinkie asked, breaking his concentration. “Ah…erm…” Dan threw an arm around Pinkie’s shoulders and brought her out so she could see his target. “Mall cop,” Dan answered, pointing towards the large man on a Segway, no small amount of scorn in his voice. Pinkie giggled. “What’s that?” “He’s an evil individual who is a blight on the mall and all who grace its doors. He flaunts what little power he has afforded by his title and harasses all he comes across,” Dan answered, lacing his words with righteous indignation. “No, I mean…what’s that he’s riding?” Pinkie pointed at the upright, wheeled device that was propelling the mall security officer at the blistering speed of eight miles per hour. “Oh, that’s a Segway,” Dan answered, “Lazy people use them when they don’t feel like walking places.” Pinkie closed her eyes and laughed. “That’s silly! Walking is one of my favorite things ev-devely-ever! She glanced at the Segway as vehicle and driver exited the mall into the parking lot. “Looks fun, though.” “Yeah…” Dan trailed off and thought for a second, “Let’s steal it!” “What? Dan no, we can’t…” “But… Vengeance!” Dan insisted, turning his palms up for dramatic effect. “Dan! I’m sorry, but there are just some things I’m not comfortable with, and ‘stealing from people because they’re unpleasant to those around them’ is one of those things.” Dan crossed his arms, turned away, and put on an angry pout. “Have you tried being his friend, or throwing a party for him? Ooh! Oooh! I bet if you really just got to know him, you two could become good friends!” Pinkie inhaled loudly as an idea came to her, “OH! I can help! I’m a genius when it comes to parties.” It was Dan’s turn to reply in surprise, “What?! No, he’s the enemy! You don’t throw parties for the enemy unless you’re going to poison them, shoot them multiple times, club them, castrate them, and throw them in an icy river to drown.” “I…that’s…” Pinkie paused as she searched for the correct words, “rather specific!” she offered. “Look, associate,” Dan said, lacing the word 'associate' with venom, “if you don’t want to help me, then I’m sure I can enlist Chris easy enough…” Pinkie’s lip started quivering. “Ah Dan, don’t be like that.” Dan wrapped an arm around Pinkie’s back and point a finger at her chest with his free hand. Pinkie leaned her head back in response, unprepared for the sudden closing of distance between the two. “Do you want to be my friend, or don’t you?” “Oh yes, oh yes, oh…”, Pinkie’s expression sank and her heart starting pounding in her chest. “What did you have in mind?” she asked, afraid she already knew the answer. Dan began to speak then stopped for a second, remembering the group’s ill (or awesome, depending on your point of view) fated trip to Lenny’s. Pinkie Pie is many things, and most of them are pretty terrible. However, 'pushover' certainly isn't one of them.Maybe I shouldn't try to use her… “Good, then buy me a cinnamon bun,” Dan said with a grin. …much. Pinkie’s expression did a 180 and she closed the distance between her and Dan and gave him another hug. Dan was starting to get used to the sound of his bones cracking. Before grabbing cinnamon buns, Dan convinced Pinkie to pick up a few more items, some kitchen knives, some baking tools and equipment (Dan said Pinkie could borrow his cake mixer, which he, of course, had because his mechanic had tried to replace his engine with it because said mechanic was deep in debt due to underground, giant mechanical suit fighting and betting.), and a pink crowbar. Dan was very convincing about the virtues of having a crowbar, and Pinkie was very happy to find one in her color. Pinkie also managed to find a place to print all her photos. After a bit, Pinkie bought cinnamon buns for her, Dan, and an extra one for Chris (which Dan insisted he didn’t deserve, but was overruled on the grounds that Pinkie was paying). The two made their way up to the food court where Chris was already waiting for them, a partially consumed tray of food in front of him on top of a round table. “Hey guys!” Chris waved the two over, who deposited Pinkie’s collection at their feet and sat down at roughly an equal distance from each other and Chris. “Hi, Chris!” Pinkie replied cheerfully. “Chris! How long have you been here?” Dan asked. “Oh…a while.” Chris answered, bringing up a fork full of some near unidentifiable substance and eating it. “Hey! You wouldn’t happen to have a cinnamon bun for me, would you?” Dan rolled his eyes as Pinkie happily handed Chris a warm box containing a large cinnamon bun. “You could have called me, you know.” Dan said, mildly annoyed that in addition to taking his time loading Pinkie’s things into Dan’s car, Chris had decided to opt out of any more shopping excursions. “Yeah, but…” Chris trailed off and took a few more bites of food, figuring that would suffice, and slid Dan’s keys across the table to their owner. As the three dug into their cinnamon buns, Pinkie wasted no time in pulling out her craft supplies, pictures, and her new photo album. Carefully, she started adding pictures, and decorating them with hearts, glitter pens, bedazzling jewels, and anything at her disposal. Chris finished the food in front of him and his cinnamon bun. He glanced over at Pinkie Pie, who still had quite a few photos to go. “We’ll she’s not going to be done anytime food…I mean soon. Think I’ll make another run.” Chris got off and dashed to a few more stalls. “I can get you something else, if you want, Dan.” Pinkie said with a smile, looking up from her arts and craft project. Dan slouched in his chair, “Elch, no thanks. I’m not even going to justify spending someone else’s money on mall court food.” Pinkie shrugged. ”Suit yourself,” she said as she went back to working on her project. Dan tried to fill the unfamiliar silence between the two with idle conversation. “Having fun over there?” he asked. “Yep! I’ve made so many wonderful memories these last couple days. I really want to give them the attention they deserve!” Pinkie said, smiling down at her work as she applied more hearts to a picture. “You’ve really enjoyed yourself?” Dan said, raising an eyebrow and filling his question with surprise. Pinkie looked back to meet Dan’s green eyes with her blue ones. “Well…yeah. It’s been a lot of fun.” She looked away for a second and grinned sheepishly, “Terrifying at times.”--She looked back at Dan with a genuine smile.--“But fun!” She looked down at the photo album with a content smile, “I think this could be the start of another beautiful friendship…” Pinkie Pie looked back up. “Don’t you?” Dan glanced away and went silent not sure how to react. He didn’t want to say as much out loud, but he’d had more fun this day than any in recent…and even not so recent memory. Chris returned, a tray of food in each hand. “Thanks Chris, you’ve managed to grab everything I hate about food courts in one trip,” Dan said, angrily glaring at the food. Pinkie looked up as well, but something behind Chris caught her eye. With an excited “Ooooo!” she was out of her chair and dashed off somewhere. “Here we go,” Chris said exasperatedly waiting for the lecture he’d heard many, many times before. He lifted his hand and signified the number three with his fingers with a bored expression on his face. Dan wasted no time launching into his vitriolic tirade, “First! Burgerphile? Really? You’re sooo desperate for Burgerphile that you’re willing to spend two to three dollars more on a meal here? I don’t know what’s sadder, that they jack up their price just because they’re at the mall or that people, like you, are stupid enough to cough up the extra cash because walking back to the car and driving down the street is simply too much.” Chris ticked down one of his fingers leaving two. “Second! ‘Gourmet Chinese food’?! Who in their right mind can even humor that, let alone plaster it on a logo?! The only thing ‘gourmet’ about it is there’s nothing close to it served by the actual Chinese.” Chris ticked down one more finger leaving one. “THIRD!” Dan stood up and was now frothing at the mouth, “WHY IS EVERYTHING HERE JUST A WORSE VERSION OF FOOD YOU CAN GET ELSEWHERE?! WHY DO PEOPLE STAND FOR THIS!? Is it THAT hard to go someplace DECENT after shopping, OR DEMAND HIGHER QUALITY?!” Dan sat back down and desperately tried to catch his breath. Chris returned his hand to the task of helping him eat. “Feel better?” He asked before taking another bite of his burger. “N… no… gasp... wheeze ...Mall… pant... pant...swallow... Mall cop…” “Fhe oone whooo keeps kickwing you oout for hausing a pubbic disturfance?” Chris asked through a mouth full of burger. Dan narrowed his eyes. “That’s the one.” “Ah-HA! I knew there was more to the story than you were telling me!” Dan jumped in his seat and Chris began coughing on his food. Pinkie was standing behind the duo having found lemonade that appeared to have been made with real lemons. “How do you keep doing that?!” Dan demanded of her. Pinkie sat back down. “Doing what?” She asked quizzically, setting her drink down and going back to the project in front of her. Chris regained his composure. “Dan, you really ought’a let this one go.”   “But he’s on the list!” Dan whined, producing a small notepad and flipping to a page where 'Mall Cop' was wedged in between “People’s Republic of China” and a crossed out “Pudding people”. “Anyhow, don’t you think you’ve had enough food for one day? Seriously Chris, your calorie count has got to rival the GDP of a developing nation at this point,” Dan said, figuring he could at least wreak some petty vengeance on Chris if he wasn’t going to help either. “Hey! I can’t eat at home unless I want to eat outside the tent, and preparing food is a lot harder through protective gloves and a faceplate!” Chris countered. There was a ringing, Chris reached into his pocket and pulled out a rectangular smart phone, and hit the talk button. “Hi, Elise!” Pinkie gasped looking at the device in Chris’s hand, and dug into her bag fishing out a similar device. “That sounds like a great idea!” Chris continued speaking into the phone. Pinkie frowned at her own device, the buttons not seeming to elect any response from it. “Hmmm…” Chris continued. Pinkie began shaking the device in an attempt to get it to do something. Dan leaned over towards Pinkie, but the ‘ding’ of a nearby elevator and the familiar sight of a large, pudgy man on a Segway caught his attention. “I’m pretty sure she’s a vegetarian…” Chris said into the phone. Pinkie had begun to chew on her phone in frustration, Dan swatted it out of her mouth and wagged his finger at her as if he was scolding a naughty puppy. Pinkie pouted and put her phone back in the bag. “OK, see you later! I love you! Bye!” Chris hung up the phone. Pinkie and Dan turned and looked at him. “So…ummmm…Elise has invited both of you for vegetarian fajitas at our place, tonight!” Chris said sheepishly, continuing to rapidly take bites of food to his mouth. Dan rolled his eyes. Pinkie beamed. “Sounds delicious, Chris! I’d love to meet your wife. Oh this is going to be so much fun! I can’t wait!” Dan shot a glare past Pinkie as his enemy, the mall security officer, sat down right behind Pinkie at a table with a male food court employee. The mall officer oblivious to Dan or anyone else at the table. Pinkie turned her body, leaning her arm on her chair and got a good look at the man behind her. She turned to Dan with an innocent smile. “Dan, I think this is a great opportunity for you.” “Good idea. I’ll sneak up behind and garrote him with my shoelaces, you keep his friend busy.” Dan suggested with a twisted smile full of pointy teeth. “Dan, now you know that’s not what I meant,” Pinkie said, taking a maternal tone. Dan folded his arms, and put on a frowny-pout and turned away. “Come on Dan,” Pinkie began, “There’s good in almost everyone.” Pinkie quickly glanced behind her. “I’m sure if you just go over there and try to talk to him, you’ll find…” “…Just one of the ugliest shade of pink you ever thought possible…” The security guard’s words cut into Pinkie like a chainsaw through plywood. Pinkie paused and perked her head up, listening in. “Just…just imagine someone gota bunch of kindergarteners drunk, gave them some paints, and told them ta make a car pretty.” Pinkie’s expression changed to one of surprise, followed by an eye twitch. Dan’s expression changed as well. He leaned on the table and steepled his fingers in front of his mouth. Carefully studying the change in Pinkie’s face. “I mean…who would even think that bright shade of pink was attractive…” Pinkie glanced up at her long curly hair, and began to tear up as her lip quivered. “…Not anyone with a lick of taste, that’s forshou…” Pinkie’s face contorted, her eye twitching more violently now. Dan was sure he was starting to hear the sound of a kettle coming to the boil somehow… Chris’s eye’s darted back and forth from Dan to Pinkie, and he accelerated his eating pace. “There was one thing out there worse than that paintjob, though.” Pinkie extended an arm in front of her, and took a deep breath; a stress management tool she had picked up from Twilight and Cadence. “The ugly bedazzled car with an even WORSE shade of pink further down the lot.” Dan watched as Pinkie’s face wordlessly change to an expression of rage and anger he didn’t think the girl had in her, and he was sure he heard that kettle start to boil. Pinkie leaned forward on the table, looked at Dan, and whispered, “I’m in.” “What?!” Chris cried. “Didn’t you say there was good in almost everyone?!” He asked frantically. “I did say ‘almost’,” Pinkie replied with a mischievous grin. Dan moved his hands to reveal a grin of pure devilish delight, he leaned into the table. “Here’s the plan…” Pinkie turned her ear towards Dan as he whispered the scheme. She turned, nodded with a smile, grabbed her lemonade and the two pushed off from the table, got up, and moved into position. “Do I have to do anything?” Chris asked, looking up from his tray. “Sit there and look stupid,” Dan responded. “Done and done.” Chris said, happily returning to his food. Chris continued eating his food as he watched Dan grab a straw from one of the food court stalls, walk towards the escalators, tear the paper covering off the straw, wad up some of the paper with his own salvia, placed it in the straw, took aim, and launched a perfectly targeted spit wad into the back of the mall security officer’s head.   The guard turned just in time to catch the next spit wad right between the eyes, he stood up with a grumble, clawed the moist mass of paper off his face, walked up to Dan, stood up straight to emphasize the size difference between the two, and growled out “Is there a problem here?” “That depends, does the Freddy Krueger mask come off, or is it permanently stuck to your face?” Dan responded with a smile. “Hey, you’re the guy who keeps on disturbing the peace. I think you better move along buddy, before I make ya.” “I choose, ‘b’,” Dan said with a smile. “Your funeral, pal.” The security officer reached for his mace and emptied the contents in Dan’s face. Dan, having been repeatedly exposed to basically every mace under the sun during his life, responded by simply inhaling the mist, then blowing a breath full of capsaicin back at the security officer’s face. The security guard dropped his canister and started frantically rubbing his eyes. “Now, Pinkie!” Dan shouted. With a “Wheeee….” Pinkie pushed her weight forward on the Segway racing up to several miles per hour. “Hey…that’s my…” The mall officer said through burning pain on his face. Before he could utter another word, Dan gracefully spread his arms as if he was beginning some ballet move, then quickly and violently moved his arms to push the mall officer. Dan threw all his weight against the move and propelled the hapless security guard down the up-moving escalator. Pinkie pulled up in the Segway, dumped the contents of her lemonade on the escalator, causing it to short and accelerate. The mall officer began screaming as he seemed to be trapped in a constant falling up/down predicament. Chris sighed, and continued eating his food. With a “Wheeeeeeeeee…” and a maniacal laugh Pinkie and Dan shot past him, the two pushing their weight forward on the front of the vehicle as Dan wrapped an arm around Pinkie’s waist, accelerating their vehicle into double digits of miles per hour… …Only to stop at the elevator… Without warning, Dan ran back to the table, snagged Pinkie’s project into a bag, and flipped the table with the rest of the contents spilling to the floor. “Oh, COME ON!” Chris shouted, his meal now a greasy mess on the floor. “Grab the loot Chris, and meet us at the steeds!” Dan shouted, running back towards the Segway as the elevator opened and rejoining Pinkie on the vehicle as they drove it past the doors. Chris sighed and gathered all the various bags the two had left behind, and trudged towards the down-escalator, catching the “ouches” and “oofs” of the mall security officer, still stuck in his perpetual fall. He got off the escalator and walked towards the mall entrance. The elevator then opened, and Pinkie and Dan sped past him at the breakneck speed of 12.5 miles per hour, laughing and giggling the entire way over the panicked cry of “IT KEEPS HAPPENING!” From the escalator. Before long, the trio were back by the cars, and Chris was attempting to squeeze the last bits of free space out of Dan’s car to fit Pinkie’s recently purchased items. “Don’t forget the Segway!” Dan said to Chris as he threw his weight against the hatch, trying to close it. “Dan, there’s no way that thing is going to fit in either car!” Chris said, mildly annoyed. “But…” Dan began. Pinkie rested a hand on his shoulder. “Dan, if you love something. Set it free.” Dan placed his hand on Pinkie’s and looked up at her. “You’re right…he…” Dan began to tear up and even sniffed a little. “He belongs with his own kind.” Chris looked at the Pinkie and Dan with a confused expression, not sure if the two were joking, or completely serious. Pinkie, nodded solemnly, but with a smile. She produced a large, white, store mannequin, and… “Where’d you get that?” Dan asked, not sure where the girl had magically manifested an entire mannequin from. “I saved it from the clothing store!” “So you’ve been carrying it around this entire time?!” Dan asked shocked. “I can’t believe I never noticed…” Pinkie smiled and wedged the mannequin into place, pushing the front console of the Segway forward, in turn, causing it to speed off into the distance… …Just in time for a mall security car to screech round the corner, the driver’s face bruised and bright red, his mouth crying out for justice. He saw the Segway far too late, and crashed directly into it; causing Segway to go under car, causing car to topple over Segway, and land, hard, on its top… …and then catch flame, as you do. Chris covered his eyes with both his hands, trying to immediately blot out the memory of what he saw. Dan covered his mouth with both his hands, trying to hide his giant toothy grin. Pinkie covered her ears with each hand, trying to process this new set of carnage. The mall officer covered as much air as he could touch with his flaming hands as he ran screaming from the wreck. The trio’s eye’s followed a bouncing, flaming wheel of the car as it went on its merry way past them, then their eyes shifted towards a flatter wheel of the Segway that began rolling in a circle in front of them a few times before tilting inwards, vibrating a few times as it continued to spin, then finally stopping. …and then it also caught flame. …as you do. Pinkie looked down at the now flaming wheel in front of them, then looked back up to Chris. “This is my life from now on, isn’t it?” she asked blankly. Chris sighed, placed a hand under one elbow, supporting the arm, then using hand on that arm to rest his face on. “Yep,” he answered simply. “You get used to it,” he added. “Really?” Pinkie asked hopefully. Chris stared off into space and gave a little shudder. “No…not really.” Dan said nothing, his evil grin speaking for him. He took out his notepad, flipped a few pages, and then crossed 'Mall cop' off the list. “So…” Chris said, breaking the silence. “Dinner?” Pinkie’s expression brightened. “Vegetarian? Pass.” Dan said simply. “Ahh, Dan! I know it’ll still be fun if you come along. Pretty please with lactose free cream on top?” Pinkie pleaded with a big, toothy smile, cupping her hands under her chin. Dan looked at Pinkie, then at his bedazzled car, then back to Pinkie, and finally back to his car. Dan shoot Pinkie a glare. “I said, ‘No!’” He opened his car door, sat down, slammed the door after him, buckled up, started the car, and sped off. Pinkie looked on in despair as Dan’s car sped off, she looked down and started to fiddle with the hem of her shirt. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked up. “He’ll come around,” Chris assured gently. Pinkie inhaled deeply than exhaled, still tracking the now pink and sparkly hatchback with her eyes. “I hope so Chris, I really do.” -ooo- Dan grinned evilly to himself as he examined the key Pinkie had given him the night before. He placed it on top of the, pink, frilly photo album sitting in his passenger seat. This was almost too easy. ...Almost.