//------------------------------// // Keep Calm and Flutter On // Story: Angel // by Sage Runner //------------------------------// "Not really sure what's keeping Mum," Angel said as he relaxed on the couch, beer in hoof. A tiny mouse sat next to him, and it squeaked in response. "Yeah, Beaverteeth and his gang were trying to flood Sweet Apple Acres on account of some prejudiced words they exchanged with the orange farmer. Mum went to diffuse the situation, but she should have been back by now." The door swung open. "'Bout time you got back!" Angel declared, but the words died on his lips. Standing before him, behind Fluttershy, was the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, himself: Discord. "Angel, we have a guest!" Fluttershy said, forcing a smile. Angel's jaw dropped. "I thought you wasted this guy last year! What the hell, Mum!?" he shouted, leaping to his feet and stomping over to his master. "It's only temporary," Fluttershy replied. "Princess Celestia has given me the task of reforming him." "Reforming hi- what!?" Angel gasped. "Didn't he sort of break reality the last time he was here? What is he even going to do with that skillset if you reform him? What sort of trade could he possibly take up? Listen, Mum, I'm an expert on lost causes, having been one in a previous life, so I know 'em when I see 'em." "Oh, Angel," Fluttershy said, laughing and shaking her head. "I still don't see why you're so calm about this," Twilight said as she and her friends entered the cottage. "Discord is absolutely horrible!" "He may be horrible, but that doesn't mean we have to act the same way," Fluttershy replied. "We should at least try to be hospitable." She turned to Angel and said, "You don't mind giving up your favorite spot on the couch, do you, Angel Bunny?" "My what?" Angel asked, turning to see that Discord was laying down on the couch, taking the entire piece of furniture for himself. "I'LL KILL YOU!" Angel shouted, as he grabbed Discord by the foot and attempted to drag him off to no avail. ... After Twilight and her friends had left the cottage, leaving Angel, Fluttershy, and Discord alone, Discord spoke up. "So, I have to ask," he said, leaning towards Angel. "What's with the rabbit?" "What do you mean?" Fluttershy asked. "Well, I'm having a peculiar case of double vision," Discord explained. "When I close my right eye, I see a plain old rabbit. But when I close my left eye, I see a yellow-coated stallion in a rabbit suit, and I'm fairly certain he threatened to kill me in an Old Country accent when I took his favorite spot on the couch." "Promised to kill you," Angel corrected him. "You... you can see Angel the way I see Angel?" Fluttershy asked. "Hmm?" Discord grunted. "Well... it's just that everypony else just sees a normal bunny rabbit. I thought I was the only one who could see... the suit, and hear him talk," Fluttershy replied. "Curious. I'm the authority on things that make no sense, and even I find this perplexing. What are you?" Discord asked, turning to Angel. "I'm what's going to knock that bulbous tooth out of your mouth if you don't get off my couch," Angel replied, gritting his teeth. "Angel, can I see you in the other room, please?" Fluttershy asked. "Fine," Angel said, following his master. "Busted!" Discord jeered. "Listen, Angel Bunny," Fluttershy said in the next room over. "I think the best way to reform Discord is to become his friend. Since he can talk to you like I can, your support would be really helpful!" "That wanker stole the couch and I'm going to punch him in the tooth," Angel replied flatly. "Angel!" Fluttershy hissed, causing the rabbit to recoil. "Alright, fine," Angel replied, eyes wide. "I guess I've seen you do the impossible enough times before to believe in you now. I'll try to make some conversation with him, but if he drinks our beer, I'm going to strangle him with a piano wire." "Deal!" Fluttershy replied, giggling. "You think I'm joking, and that's a dangerous assumption," Angel replied. ... "So..." Angel said as he stared at Discord, having given up his struggle for the couch at his master's request. "You're eating paper." "I'm eating paper," Discord replied as he lifted another crinkly morsel out of the bowl containing the aforementioned paper. "I prefer carrots, myself." "Carrots are nice," Discord replied, "but who doesn't enjoy a good book every now and again?" "Clever," Angel replied, his face remaining stoic. "So I find myself repeating my previous question," Discord said as he swallowed another bite. "What are you?" "Alright," Angel replied with a sigh. "I guess your magical abilities allow you to see inside people's minds." "I've rooted around my share of noggins, yes," Discord replied, nodding and raising an eyebrow. "What of it?" "I don't actually exist," Angel replied. Discord's eyes widened. "What does that mean? Everypony else is able to see you as a rabbit," Discord replied, setting the bowl in his lap. "Angel the rabbit is real," Angel replied. "But me? I'm a figment of Fluttershy's imagination. A construct, if you will." "That she can project over another living thing with enough intensity that I can see it, as well?" Discord asked. "Seems that way," Angel replied. "This has never happened before." "So why are you here?" Discord asked. "Fluttershy has lived the same boring life, taking care of the same boring animals every day," Angel explained. "She didn't realize it, but she secretly longed to do bigger things with her life. That's when she met me." "'Met' you?" Discord asked. "It took her a while to realize what I was," Angel replied, nodding. "She adopted me after we became buds, and one night we're out drinking, and I tell her to hit me." "You told her to hit you?" Discord frowned. "Yeah, I told her I'd never been in a fight, didn't wanna die without any scars. So she slugs me, and I slug her back," Angel replied, rising to his hind legs and punching the air. "You were beating each other up?" Discord gasped, shoveling paper into his mouth like popcorn. "Like crazy," Angel replied. "Eventually that drew in a crowd of ponies, and we formed a sort of club based around controlled hoof-fights. It was only after we orchestrated the downfall of modern society that she realized I was the manifestation of her latent anti-social tendencies." Discord's eyelids dropped halfway as Angel finished speaking. "I've seen Fight Club, you little smartass." "What'd you think of the ending?" Angel replied with a grin. "Discord?" Fluttershy called out, sticking her head in the room. "Oh, there you are. Listen, Discord, I just want to make sure you know that if there's anything I can do to..." she trailed off as she observed his afternoon snack. "Um, are you eating... paper?" ... After Fluttershy left the cottage to run some errands, Discord turned to face Angel. "You like carrots, Angel?" he asked, reaching for Angel's head and pulling a carrot from his ear. "I believe I just told you I did," Angel replied, snatching the vegetable away. "I'm playing your owner for a fool," Discord replied. "Sure you are," Angel muttered. "How do you like them carrots!?" the carrot shouted, taking on the properties of Discord's face as Angel was about to take a bite. "CELESTIA'S BLEACHED MOUSTACHE!" Angel exclaimed, throwing the carrot and scrambling away. "Defacing- er... facing carrots!? You sick bastard!" "And for your information, I liked the ending, seeing as how Edward Horseton's character wasn't able to stop Project Mayhem," Discord said, laying back down on the couch and resuming his paper eating. "Me too, actually," Angel replied, calming down. "Aren't you curious at all about that 'I'm playing your owner for a fool' comment?" Discord asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Meh," Angel replied, shrugging his shoulders. "My Mum's tough, and super smart. Thanks to my expert guidance over the years, she's only improved. She knows what she's doing." "So her loving pet is refusing to lift even a single hoof to help her?" Discord replied, placing his hand over his mouth dramatically. "This is her deal, mate," Angel replied. "I'm gonna trust her judgment and not get involved." "Let's see how far you're willing to take that conviction," Discord replied, smiling deviously. ... "Fluttershy!" Twilight shouted as Fluttershy landed, a disoriented Angel in arm, on the ground outside of the cottage, which was now suspended in the air and rolling over repeatedly. "What's going on? Are you okay!?" "We're fine," Fluttershy replied with a nod. "Everything's going great. Isn't it, Angel?" "Heading into town," Angel mumbled as he stumbled down the path leading away from the cottage, attempting to regain his balance. "Gotta find a piano..." ... "Hammers, hacksaws, fiddles," Angel muttered to himself as he approached Sweet Apple Acres. "The Apple Family has all sorts of tools that are impractical for a creature with no fingers, they're bound to have a piano somewhere on the property- what the shit?" His eyes grew wide as he beheld a flooded orchard, its caretakers floating next to the tops of the trees in small wooden barrels. His eyes drifted toward the beavers whose giant dam was responsible for everything. He noted their glowing red eyes, and guessed who was really responsible. ... "I'm not getting directly involved," Angel told himself over and over again as he ran toward his home. "I'm just facilitating. Doing my civic duty by warning Mum and the others." He leapt in through the window and landed on the table upon which the ponies and Discord were having dinner. "Mum!" Angel shouted. "Now's not a good time, Angel," Fluttershy replied. "We're having a dinner party." "Hold on," Applejack said. "I think he's tryin' to tell us somethin'." "Okay, you, listen!" Angel said, turning towards Applejack. He poured a glass of water on himself. Confused reactions were his response. "No? Uh... here, look at this!" He picked up an apple. "Apple!" the ponies shouted in unison. "What is this, children's programming? Yes, it's a bloody apple!" Angel said, rolling his eyes as he pointed a hoof toward Applejack. "Applejack!" they shouted in response. "You know what, I'm just gonna go for broke, you won't get this anyway," Angel sighed. He grabbed a pitcher full of tea and dunked the apple in it. "Flooding at Sweet Apple Acres!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. "You did that on purpose, didn't you..." Angel muttered. The ponies vacated the cottage to investigate the problem. "Aren't you going with them?" Angel asked, turning to Discord. "I'll give them a head start. I've got this whole bit planned out!" Discord replied. "Do tell," Angel replied, raising an eyebrow. "I'll make my entrance on water skis," Discord explained. "And then I'll give Fluttershy a pair, and we'll water ski together!" "Doesn't sound very chaotic," Angel replied. "Well, it'll be chaotic for everyone else, except for me and Fluttershy!" Discord replied, smiling. "So Mum's your friend now, eh?" Angel asked. "Exactly," Discord replied, smirking. "Fluttershy, as my friend, will never use her Element of Harmony on me, so I'm free to sew chaos wherever and whenever I want. We'll be able to have fun together forever!" "Guess you win," Angel replied calmly. "Better get over there, then." "Indeed," Discord replied. He snapped his fingers and vanished. "What an idiot," Angel said, shaking his head. ... "Drink up," Angel said, passing a beer to his right as he and Discord shared the couch. "Thanks," Discord replied, snapping the bottle off of the bottle cap, the liquid still maintaining it's bottle shape as he began to eat it like ice cream cone. "So you're good now?" Angel asked him. "Yeah, sure," Discord sighed. "You don't seem surprised." "I could tell from the way you talked about water skiing with Mum that you were getting into the whole 'friendship' thing. I figured things would turn out like this," Angel replied. "Well, I hate to admit it, but you were right about her all along. She played me, and I'm okay with that," Discord replied. "So, looking forward to a life of not being an asshole?" Angel asked. "It'll be a little boring, but since I actually like having your master as a pal, I'll behave myself. Most of the time." "You're better off with her than with a life of wrongdoing, mate, trust me," Angel replied. "I speak from experience." "Oh?" Discord asked. "I was a travelling thief in a past life," Angel explained, taking another swig of his beer. "Spent all of my time taking things that didn't belong to me and pushing the ponies that actually cared about me away. The more memories I regain from that past, the more grateful I am for Mum and everything she's done for me." "Past life, huh?" Discord asked. "Yeah. Got myself eaten by timber wolves so little-kid-Mum wouldn't. Came back as a rabbit," Angel replied. "I don't know what that's from, but I'm not falling for the same trick twice," Discord replied, rolling his eyes, standing up, and walking away. "At least the Fight Club thing was believable."