//------------------------------// // LAUGHTER // Story: Love . Sick // by KitsuneRisu //------------------------------// L A U G H T E R The back door of the library was open, letting the rain in. Someone had opened it only recently, from the looks of things, as not a whole lot was wet on the inside, and the lack of tracks showed that someone had left and not entered. The wind must have extinguished all the fires, and all the scrolls that normally lined Twilight's writing desk lay across the opposite wall like torn wallpaper, stuck there by the gusts that blew in through the open doorway. It was truly a shame that that doorway was Twilight's destination. She stepped silently. She didn't know why. Yelling Spike's name at the top of her lungs would have given away her presence ages ago, and if anything, walking cautiously slow wasn't really the best thing to do at a time like this. She peeked out the back door. There was only one reason why she wanted to do this, and only one reason for coming here in the first place. And it was gone. The large Air Balloon that was usually tethered in the small open patch behind Twilight's house was decidedly unavailable. Where it had been lay the sunken heart of one Twilight Sparkle, whose dejection managed to hit critical levels of lowness. She staggered back in, eyelid twitching. She dragged the door close behind her, struggling to do so without magic. She didn't even give it a thought as to why it was necessary. She was running on automatic, and she just felt the need to be behind closed walls. She sniffed. No magic. No Balloon. Options? She could walk. Walk to Canterlot? In the rain? With that Rarity thing out there? And no doubt Rainbow Dash and her weird friends would be looking for her too. Right? Or were they busy with their little fun club? How about just walking to the next town over? Yeah, that was an idea, Where was the next town over, anyway? Oh right, it was Canterlot. Hey, I know! How about we go out, and forget the whole thing ever happened, and we could just put on a brave face and just accept Rainbow Dash for who she was, and learn to live with Rarity's doll and leave Fluttershy very well alone and just forget about Applejack entirely? Time heals all wounds, they say! Heh Heh heh. Hahaha! It was so funny. Twilight Sparkle found herself laughing, against all logic. Against all hope, and in the face of everything wrong. She found herself taking the advice of somepony she knew a long time ago, but probably didn't know any longer. Just laugh it all away. "Heeheeheeee!" Pinkie Pie giggled, joining in. And then it all went dark. -- <3 -- "What's up, Twilight?" bubbled Pinkie Pie. The voice came from somewhere in front of her, but it was hard to tell exactly where. She knew she wasn't in the library any longer. The room sounded different as well. Of course all this could be explained by the burlap sack that Twilight had over her head. "Pffenkie?" Twilight said, muffled through the bag. "Iffat yfoo?" "Yeah, of course it's me, silly," she called. "Who else would it be? I'm the last one, you know!" Last what? Oh for crying out loud. It was already difficult to understand Pinkie Pie regularly, but... could Pinkie Pie even get any more insane? Was it physically possible? The bag was whipped off Twilight's head, and a cascading torrent of light overflowed her senses and blinded her. Wherever she was, it was very, very well lit. Slowly, the lights began to quiet down, as she got used to it. Unfamiliar blobs of luminosity began to take shapes, and it was a while before she finally realised that she was sitting at the end of the long dinner table that was up in Pinkie's loft. The room was as it had always been - decorated with streamers, party favours and other such embellishments, and a huge banner that stretched across the ceiling. For a moment, Twilight thought she had saw something, but as the letters focused more and more, it simply read 'Happy Birthday!!' in a large, comical font. Pinkie Pie was sitting at the other end of the table, wearing a party mask. It was one of those kinds that covered the upper face, breaking form with an over-abundance of plastic jewels and other such gaudy nonsensicals. The table was set for a celebration. Pinkie Pie herself was uncharacteristically calm. No sudden movements, no weird jerking, no walking on the walls. She just sat there. She did sound normal, but she was acting... normal as well, actually. The word 'normal' really does lose meaning in the context of Pinkie Pie. The next thing Twilight noticed was that she couldn't move. Well, not to say that she couldn't, but she was restrained. She was sat on the chair on her hindquarters, a rather uncomfortable position, in fact, and her legs were bound up in front of her; all four together. It was like someone had trussed up a turkey, and sat it nicely on a chair, and put a little party hat on it. Yes, Twilight was wearing a hat. One of those paper cone things. Cheap. Didn't really capture the feel of the situation. "Pinkie?" Twilight asked. "Would you please untie me?" She didn't bother to ask why she was tied up. That question was a dangerous question because it would lead to Pinkie Pie saying things that she really probably would be better off not knowing. "Okie dokie lokie!" said Pinkie Pie, clambering off her chair and trotting over. Twilight blinked in surprise. "You're not really tied up tight, anyway," Pinkie Pie said, yanking at the rope. "You could probably just get out of it yourself!" The ropes came free. There wasn't even a knot to be had. Twilight just simply hadn't bothered. "Um..." Twilight said. "Because you were struggling in your sleep, I had to carry you here without getting my head knocked off!" Pinkie said, giggling again. "And how di..." "Oh, when I showed up at the library to get you to safety, you fainted!" "And the sack..." "Well..." Pinkie stared at Twilight. "That one was just for fun." It all... made sense, really. "You came to rescue me?" Twilight asked, rubbing her ankles. "Yeppers!" nodded Pinkie, bouncing back to her side of the table. "Well. You see. You know how the other day you told all of us how..." "Yes, yes." Twilight cut Pinkie off. She had enough of that. "Well, all of us started to act really funny, and my pinkie sense? It started giving me doozies! All day! And all night, too! I couldn't sleep, it was pretty funny. I was doozying so hard, I fell out of bed! And then I doozied all the way downstairs, and doozied in the toilet, and doozied..." "Pinkie." "Oh, right! And well, I knew something bad had happened, so I went out to take a look, and everyone was acting so funny all over! Applejack came to me to say goodbye for some reason, like she was going on a loooooong holiday, and I wish I could have joined her, but I had things to do, and Rarity? She was making this really creep-tastic doll thing, and I was scared of it, and Rainbow Dash was gathering ponies from all over town for some weird thing, and I didn't even know about it but I accidentally found her cave and ooooh yuck! They were eating cheese inside, without any toast! But she didn't see me, and I left and..." "Pinkie!" "... and I knew you were in trouble because everyone was trying to find you and you were missing, so I figured to find you first. But it looks like I found you last, but it really doesn't matter because you're safe now!" Was she? "Twilight, it's ok." she suddenly said, with a more serious tone than before. "It's really ok." "R...really?" Twilight asked. She pleaded. "Yeah. Look, everything's ok here. You can stay here until we find out what happened to your balloon, and then we'll both go up and talk to Princess Celestia. That was why you went back to the Library, right?" "Pinkie, you don't sound..." "Like myself? Yeah. Well. Guess what, Twilight? This is actually how I really am. I'm not really in the mood to keep up the whole 'fun and laughter' thing anymore. It's been a long night, as I'm sure it has been for you as well. Everypony else seems to have gone genuinely mad, and you don't even want to know how I just found Fluttershy a while back." "I... I know." "Well... then I don't have to elaborate," said Pinkie. Whether she was serious or funny, at least her incessant chattiness wasn't affected. "I suppose you think it was me or something who took the balloon in the first place, and to be honest, no. I didn't. I don't know who did. "When I realised that everypony else couldn't be trusted any longer, I made straight for your house. I only just arrived after you got in yourself, and I also went to look for the balloon. I'd like to get out of here as well, personally. "This place just isn't... as fun anymore," she smiled weakly. "It's magic," Twilight blurted out suddenly. "What is?" "I... oh Pinkie... I'm so sorry for everything... Celestia... she warned me. She did. I didn't listen. She said that if I told anypony about our relationship... bad things would happen... I didn't expect it to be this bad..." "Don't be silly," said Pinkie Pie. That made Twilight perk up and look at her stern face. "What happened was not your fault. Why are you apologizing for something that you just wanted to share? If it were any worse than what Princess Celestia could have foreseen, she'd have warned you more, wouldn't she? Did you maybe think that she didn't know the outcome herself?" Taking solid, logical advice from Pinkie. That was new. "What happened is terrible. It's a tragedy. It changed all of us. Look, it's turned me into you." Was that a joke? Twilight wasn't certain. Pinkie giggled a little bit. At least she wasn't changed entirely. "Well, look, Twilight Sparkle, what's over is over, but now we have to fix it. You and me together, alright? We'll take care of business, and everything will be as it's supposed to be." "Supposed to be? How can we ever do that? Don't you get it, Pinkie? Everything's ruined!" "Everything is not ruined!" Pinkie said. "With everything we've gone through together, don't you remember? Nothing, and I believe nothing can be undone! Don't you believe that we can see this through to the end?" It was frightening to see Pinkie Pie this charged up. Twilight nodded. "Yeah... Yeah! I do!" "So just take a little break for now, I think we both need one. Have some tea, I made tons of cakes, as usual, and just relax. We'll tackle the first problem a little later, alright?" Twilight looked at the table apprehensively. It was laid out, as she noticed earlier, for a sort of party, but then again, to Pinkie, it could just be dinner. There were cupcakes and treats of all kinds, cups full of oats and bran, and a full punch bowl overflowing with hot cocoa. Didn't seem like Pinkie had any other container to put it in, but who's complaining? Twilight struggled to fill a cup with the delicious warm drink as regular ponies do. She tilted her head carefully to fill it with a ladle, and remarked to herself how easily Pinkie Pie did this. She probably would never underestimate the power of magic ever again. Not for herself, and not when dire warnings were to be heeded. She sipped the freshly brewed chocolate milk drink, letting the warmth run down her throat and envelop her core. It felt really good. The heat radiated out from within and wrapped her body in a glow of pure chocolate goodness. It was the little things. Pinkie Pie had brought over a plate of assorted cakes. She even had them cut them up to be bite-sized so that Twilight needn't fuss with a knife. It was so sweet of her. So thoughtful and kind and lovi...ng... "Pinkie?" Twilight said, putting the plate down on the table. "Yeah, Twi-twi?" "I want to check... something with you. And this is going to sound really... weird, but I need to ask." "What's up, pony?" "Are you... in love with me?" Pinkie Pie stood there blinking at Twilight. "F...F....fwwaaahhahahahahahhahahahaa!" She suddenly cackled. "In... in love? Ahhhhh hahahahahahahaahhahahaa!" "Well, geeze, Pinkie, thanks for being subtle," commented Twilight. "Oooh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, ahhhh hahahaha.. oh..." She clutched her belly. "Oh that's a good one... yeah... ok." Pinkie Pie cleared her throat. "No." "Yeah, I got that." "Am I supposed to be?" "It's a... theme," Twilight said, emotionlessly. "Everything bad that happened seemed to be due to some twisted perversion of love. I don't really know if they actually loved me from the start or anything, but this is the result." Pinkie Pie drummed her hoof on the floor. She looked a bit uncomfortable, the same way that she did when Twilight first announced that she was in love herself, those days ago. "Pinkie? You alright?" Twilight noticed. "Yeah... yeah. I am." "What's wrong?" Pinkie smacked her tongue, and ran it over her puckered lips, popping them out again with an audible sound. She sucked some air in through her clenched teeth, making it sound like a snake going in reverse. "Twilight? I guess I ought to tell you." "What is it, Pinkie?" "I guess... and don't you freak out on me now," she put her hooves up as if to say 'whoa there'. "I have a secret of my own as well. And before you start thinking this is all going to end badly in some kind of horrible twist, no, it's nothing concerning you, and it's not going to lead me to do anything bad. Just to get that clear." Twilight nodded. Ok. At least she could follow this as long as it remained this calm. "Look... since the start... well, from a long time ago, really, I've always known that I was... different." "Yeah you can say that again," snorted Twilight. "No, hey, come on!" Pinkie pushed Twilight gently. "Seriously, ok?" "Alright, alright. I'm listening." "When I was young... and all the ponies were just going about... falling in love... making romance... I never was... you know, attracted to them. I just felt that they were friends, and believe me, you girls are the best friends a pony could have, but I never... really... was attracted to any of you. "I started to act out to try to hide it. You know. Being goofy, being silly, being overly girly. My therapist said that I was trying to over-compensate, but... meh!" Pinkie shrugged. "In the end I came to a conclusion. I couldn't really keep it in anymore, and I just had to be happy with who I was, and the pony on the very inside." "Pinkie? What are you saying?" "Twilight... I'm... straight." Twilight's eyes widened. "You're... what?" "I like... guys, Twilight. I like big strong buff chests. I like muscular arms. I like unkempt dirty hair. I'm... straight." "Wow..." muttered Twilight. "That's... something, alright. You know, if I had to guess that anyone was straight I'd have said Rainbow Dash..." "Naw, she's just butch," smiled Pinkie. "I can tell. Straydar." She tapped her head. "So really, if there's any worry that you have about me falling in love with you... that just ain't gonna happen! Sorry!" "Oh, don't apologize. Believe me. This is so much of a relief. I can't even tell you!" Twilight held Pinkie by the shoulders, shaking her back and forth. "But... but thank you for confiding in me! I know it's hard to come out of the closet, but..." "It's no problem. Just... keep it to yourself, alright?" "Of course!" Huh! Twilight went back to her chair and slumped in it. Huh! Imagine that. It was strange how things turn out, sometimes. The one pony you'd think would be the most dangerous somehow changes in a way that makes her the sanest. It's... a terrible affliction of irony if nothing else. Huh! Twilight shook her head to herself. It was the end of a long, tiresome ordeal, but they were finally on the way up. "So, Twilight, you ready to start fixing the problems?" "Yeah, definitely!" she said, renewed with energy and hope. "Ok so step one. All this nonsense about all the other ponies loving you. Let's get just one thing straight. Only one's gonna love you, and it ain't those weirdos out there." "Yep! Princess Celestia!" "Nope!" ... ... ... "Nope?" Twilight grinned. The edges of her mouth had started trembling, almost like an uncontrollable tic had seized her face and was yanking the strings of her smile. "P.p.ppp..pinkie... Pie...?" She warbled, like birdsong, she was so scared. "Yo... you said that you weren't... in love... with me..." "Oh I'm not, silly!" Pinkie Pie grinned, a genuine, hearty grin of friendship. "But Gummy is!" Pinkie pie held the alligator in outstretched legs, propping it up by its underarms. Its vapid gaze looked at the whole room at once, but never looked straight at Twilight. It flicked its tail, but made no other movements. It slowly opened its mouth, horrendous teeth sticking out at every angle, as if someone had gone in with a wrench, a project, and far too little time. Small shining beads of saliva peeled off the roof of his mouth, and flowed their way down thin strands to his lower jaw, like a macabre dance. "Wh...why does Gummy have... teeth?" asked Twilight, knowing it was futile. "Well... they grow back, stupid, duh." Pinkie rolled her eyes, "I thought you read a lot." Pinkie Pie walked closer to the shaking, quivering Twilight, who was bolted to the floor. Her legs refused to move. Her hooves refused to take that first step toward the stairs. "Now, Gummy tells me that ever since that day, he's been wanting so much for just one little thing. A big kiss!" She held the alligator closer, who opened his jaws wider... and wider... until Twilight's entire head could be encased within it. "Now, won't you make Gummy happy?" asked Pinkie Pie. Step. "Won't you just give him a little kiss?" Step. "Won't you?" Twilight closed her eyes for the very last time. She breathed in calmly, and let the feeling of serenity flow over her from head to hoof. She felt like she was lying on a cloud. She felt like she was spinning off into space as the world turned slowly under and away from her. A creeping feeling started from her face and travelled over her skin, and although it felt like a thousand insects were dancing over her body, she loved the feeling, and she loved how they were the only things left that cared. And for the last time, she closed her eyes.