The last human warrior

by leaderofstars

need more brain bleach

I'm happy to be alive, I'm happy to be who I am.
Michael Jackson

“Let me go, goddammit. I feel great. There's nothing wrong with me.” leaderofstars was getting annoyed with the doctors constant prodding and poking. They kept talking about writhing flash masses that had shown up while he was asleep. They had taken samples from just about every tissue and bodily secretions they could get their hands/hoofs on. He was starting to feel a lot less like a man and more like a lab rat being experimented on. Finally they stopped taking pieces from him and started to let visitors in to see him.
However the only ones who they let in were Twilight, Rainbow, Fluttershy, that pink one with the flat hair and two others he never saw before; one, a unicorn like twilight but snow white with a well maintained but curly purple hair. The other was plain orange pony with a (two?) blonde ponytail(s?) tapered off with small red ribbons. “Fluttershy! I'm glad to see someone who doesn't want to cut me into pieces.” he joked, his face full of relief at a semi-friendly face.
After he had said that little joke, Fluttershy got mad demanding to know why anyone would try to cut him to pieces. It took explaining what a biopsy was to convince her not to go find and attack the medical crew.

After talking the yellow winged pony down from attack mode leaderofstars asked twilight, “Who are these guys? Friend of yours?”
“yes” she pointed to the three newcomers.. “this is rarity.”
“hello leaderofstars. Twilight had told us you came from a another world. I can't wait to compare the fashion of your home-world and see which parts I can include in my fall line.”
“that’s applejack”
“howdy.”
“and there’s pinkie pie”
pinkie pie said nothing.
His eyes quickly narrowed as he pointed at the pink pony, “you....You need to show me how you managed to appear behind me like that. It'll come in handy when hunting for more foodstuffs.”
the pink pony's eyes seemed to lighten up a bit, “You aren't mad about me causing you to fall down like that?”
“Not really, no. I can't handle attention very well so I was on edge when I noticed the crowd around me. After leaping into the tree I was starting to clam down but I didn't expect anyone behind me when I turned around. I get jumpy when scared so you can't place all the blame on yourself.” The pink pony's hair suddenly inflated to a type of poof as she started jumping around haphazardly around the room. “That being said, I need a job to pay the medical bill I’m bound to get slapped with. All I have on me is 30 bucks and I doubt anyone here would except it. so.... are there any openings anywhere?”
“this is a government sponsored hospital, all medical work is free here.”
“well that’s one problem solved. Still need that job though. Paying to have meat brought here under the table won't be cheap.” he looked at the everyone's reaction. Rainbow dash was making gagging noises, twilight and Fluttershy took it better then last time, Rarity was looking a bit horrified at the news, pinkie pie must not have heard seeing as she was still bouncing around, And Applejack...
“well that don't sound like a problem teh me. Sometimes ah feed wincona a nice steak to reward her for a job well done. Just as long as you don't try anythin' to meh or meh friends we'll be aight.”
“I don't see any problem with that since I prefer my meat to come from either cow, chicken or pig anyways. Also can ya turn around for a bit? I wish to put on my clothes so I can be more decent in front of women.”
rainbow dash, the ever helpful source of who-gives-a-shitatude, chuckled and said, “why? It's not like its anything we haven’t seen before. Besides it ain't even that big. What you got to be embarrassed about?”
leaderofstars blushed, his face turning a deep red. He turned his head away seemingly lost in his thoughts for a few seconds before coming up with a point of revenge. Turning his head back around, his face gave a sign of being mischievous. “well you've seen my junk and I already saw yours so I guess it's fair.”
It was rainbow dash's turn to become embarrassed. Shaking it away, she demanded to know how he saw anything. “well lets see there's about that time you was on top of me, and when you was floating in front of me, and when I got on top of you. All this within the span of a few minutes.” a deep red peeked out from underneath her blue fur, she glared at leaderofstars before turning around.
Turning to look at the others he saw that they were all staring at him, their cheeks as red as if someone rubbed ketchup on their cheeks.
“What? I never would have brought it up if she hasn't brought it up. Besides it's human law to wear clothing in public and I will still obey all human laws even if the laws of this land says I could walk around nude if I wanted to. Now please leave the room, I must put on my clothes.”
They wisely decided to leave the room. After the door was closed he hopped up off the bed and walked to the pile of his clothes. Picking up his shirt he noticed it felt different. It felt clean. That was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. Never could work a washer without it breaking so he just wore his clothes as is. With his boxers and socks he was reminded of his old life, his somewhat carefree days as a young lad rolling around in the grass with his grandfather's dogs while being careful not to roll over a turd. His pants came on third reminding him of every-time he climbed a tree for fun, not to stay alive. After tying his shoes he put on his green jacket which, as he noticed, was nearly white due to its long exposure to the elements. It had been a real dark green once, a long time ago but despite his care the fabric was fading and full of holes revealing the Kevlar padding within.
Why was he noticing this now? Was it because of the updates the nanobots had applied? He didn't like this, far too many questions were flying through his mind now. Before it had been simple: wake up, survive, go back the bed. Now it's as if all of his repressed emotions and memories were coming up into the light. Sitting down on the bed, he let it all come out. He cried until he ran out of tears to cry with, each tear making him feel a little better about his past.
Getting up and grabbing his backpack, he stuffed his RPD inside and pulled out a Beretta 92A1
pistol and a holster to carry it around. It only looked like a ordinary backpack, which was the point after all because it housed a small scale replicator. The replicator was programmed to take commands from his mind only while one of his hands was inside of the backpack, a fail-safe should something go wrong. Since it could only contain a small amount of matter, maybe 200 pounds, nitpicking what materials to keep and what to leave had always been a concern. He also pulled out a few pouches each holding a couple clips full of 9×19mm Parabellum then linked both them and the holstered pistol though his belt, on opposite sides of course.
Just as he reached the door he thought of something: crying felt good. He should do that again soon. Maybe after buying himself a house so he could cry by himself in peace. “better change my mask, pretentious jerk ass isn't gonna to be ok in the long run. Better go with indifference.” Walking out of the room, a light gray pony doctor started following him around.
Finally after a while of getting lost, leaderofstars turned around to face the doctor. “Uh... why are you following me around.”
“Ah yes that is the question now. I'm following because you are a oddity.”
“How so?” leaderofstars said continuing to walk around while the doctor followed.
“Well first your teeth. Sharp canines are the mark of a carnivore but flat molars are the sign of a herbivore. Also your molars show shows of having been used to eat meat, bone as well as plant matter. That is unusual to see in this day and age.”
“That don't surprise me at all since I am a omnivore after all.”
The doctor did nothing to show if he was scared but kept on talking. “And secondly you take a tumble down a tall tree, cough up blood, pass out and yet you don't have a scratch on you. No broken ribs, no real damage to any part of your body and still, you stay asleep for 3 days straight. Doesn't that strike you as odd?”
“Nope. I've always been a heavy sleeper. If anything I feel way better now then before I fell down the tree.”
“And then there's the matter of what the on duty nurse saw last night before you woke up.”
“Yeah the flesh mounds the other docs kept bitchin' about while takin' samples.”
“Did they mention that it looked like snakes slithering under your flesh? That is something you may want to get checked out while your here.”
leaderofstars paused for a moment, “Nah, you don't know anything about human anatomy so ya may do more harm then good.”
“Point taken. I'll need you to fill out some forms before you go. For record keeping of course. I trust that where you came from, this is a common occurrence as well?”
“Yeah fill out some forms, then get discharged. Umm.... whats your name again?”
“I’m known as Doctor Cane here. I get called to handle patients that the other doctors aren't sure how to handle. If you have have a medical problem I’ll be able to solve it”
“I’ll keep that in mind Doctor Cane. You seem to know your way around here so I’ll follow you since I have no idea where I am.”
“Very well. Follow me.” the doctor trotted off to the reception with leaderofstars following close behind.

After filling out the forms with the semi-relevant information and handing them to the nurse in charge, he turned around and walked right into a dark brown unicorn pony, knocking the pony's fedora off his head. “Oh sorry about that.” leaderofstars said picking up the hat and handing it to the pony who used his magic to place it back on his head. “Whats your name dude?”
“The name's Press Release. I’m a reporter with Equestria daily and I’m here to get exclusive interview with you, leaderofstars.”
“Why?” leaderofstars said walking out of the hospital.
“Kid, you're the only one of your kind. That means who ever gets you to talk about who you are and where you came from will have their name on the front page.”
“Wait how did you know that much about me, it's not like I advertised who I was or where I came from.”
“I was there when you was falling down the tree. I smelled a story so I’ve been waiting for you to get better so I could interview you. Besides its not everyday one gets to talk to a extinct species”
“Extinct!? Well you're right and all, I am the last of my kind and everything, so I guess that would make me the leader of America. That title don't hold water without a stretch of land to control so it's useless. Even if I do get some land to rule over, whodahells gunna fucking recognize a one person country?”
“.... that’s a grim way of looking at it. I'm sure princess Celestia would give you some land to live on for the rest of your life if you ask. By the way can you tell me what this 'America' you were talking about?” Press Release pulled out a magical quill and paper.
Leaderofstars stopped and turned to press release, “My home land. United States of America is the full name of my home country. It was one of many other countries that ruled over my home planet, Terra Frima. Each one trying to make life better for their own citizens at the expense of its neighbors'. Some times they would work together for the common good like bringing a crazed madman to justice, but in the end all we humans do is make enemies and fight among each other because we're easily bored with nothing better to do then eat, fight and fuck.”
“That won't be good to put send to my editor. Can you tell me something about what you hue-mans can do in general? What are your magics like?”
“Uh what we can do in general? I guess we could kill each other really good. No wait! We once sent some people to the moon and back!” Leaderofstars pointed upwards into the sky. “It was considered a great leap for mankind's technological advancements. If we could reach the moon, we could go anywhere! Space was the final frontier. A new journey waited us outside the borders of our home. Other planets, other civilizations, hell other universes would be at our finger tips!” his head fell down. “we could reach anything we set our collective minds to, except a understanding.”
He looked at Press Release who was scribbling everything he had heard down. “If we could use magic I think it would have may things much worse then they were. So no we couldn't use magic. We just constructed machines to do the stuff we couldn't do normally. Like the Saturn 5 rockets that was used to actually reach the moon or the series of space shuttles we sent up in high orbit to construct a huge laboratory/living space to test the effects of deep space on human bodies.”
“Reaching the moon several times and building living areas in space without magic. That’s quite a achievement, seeing as we couldn't really pull that off. Could you build this machine that allowed you hue-mans to reach the moon?”
“Not without several years of research into the creation of the proper fuels, the refinement of certain metal alloys and even more years into the development of the tools needed to ensure the damn thing won't explode as its flying. And then there's the training that will be required, the money needed to purchase the materials, and the right technology to make sure the damn thing would even fly straight. It took multiple tries to get to the moon and back the first time and that was simply a guessing game with unknown, unstable technology.”
“But you could reach the moon given enough time, resources and aid, right?”
“Yes.”
“Oh this is good. 'Hue-man claims to be able to go to the moon.' I could turn this into a series on what hue-mans have done. We need to get back together soon and talk again. See you later friend!” Press Release ran off into town.
Leaderofstars followed at walking pace, feeling it was better to walk around the town slowly as to take in all the sights. The entire town seemed to be made out of schizo tech: houses made with straw roofs and dry wall, chariots and electric street lamps dominating the cobblestone roadways. After walking a ways around the town He stopped in front of the weirdest thing he had seen all day, a house made of dry wall, gingerbread and candy canes. How it stay together without collapsing was baffling to say the least.
As he turned around to get away from the mind fuck, he found himself surrounded by three small ponies staring at him with eyes as wide as dinner plates. “Uh... can I help ya?”

“Where is he!” twilight said from under a tree from the middle of a small park. Twilight had been searching for leaderofstars so she could introduce him to princess Celestia and Luna properly. But the doctor that was supposed to keep a eye on him said he had left the hospital already and didn't bother trying to stop him. This meant that he could be anywhere in town. She had everyone split up to try and find him so he wouldn't cause too much trouble. She was afraid that the hue-man would cause a panic with his obsessive desire to tell everypony about his love for meat. It should be to hard to find anypony who sticks out that much in a crowd, right? Her attempts to locate him magically had done nothing, it was like he didn't exist. Twilight looked up and saw rainbow dash flying overhead trying to find leaderofstars before he could do anything stupid. Everyone of twilight's friends was trying to find leaderofstars so the princesses could meet and greet him properly, but finding him was proving to be a pain.

“Alright, let me get this straight: cutie marks are special patches of fur that just appear out of the blue.” leaderofstars said talking to the three young ponies who called themselves the “cutie mark crusaders.” the four of them were walking around ponyville aimlessly.
“No, they appear on our flanks when we learn our special talents.” said the winged orange crusader with purple hair.
“I’m as lost as bugs bunny when he makes that right turn at Albuquerque. How do they just appear? That don't make sense at all. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt since this whole town is just built from schizo tech.”
The three ponies just stared at leaderofstars before the red headed crusader said, “you're weird mister.”
“Not from where I’m standing.” he said walking down a empty street with the little crusaders following close behind. “You can't let a patch of fur determine what your good at. I mean look at me, you probably couldn't tell from looking at me outright but I’m skilled at several different kinds of human fighting techniques, multiple medical branches, and most fields of human technology, how? Because I focused all my energy into learning about each and every single one to make me a better person overall. If you attempt to be the best at everything you do then nothing will be beyond your reach.”
Before the crusaders could said anything else a blue gray pony ran past them shouting, “Timber wolves, run!”
“Timber wolves?” cried the white unicorn crusader. “They never come near ponyville.” the three little crusaders held each other while leaderofstars smiled, drew his pistol and took the safety off.

This was bad, what could make timber wolves leave Everfree forest and come to ponyville? Twilight thought. She was going to have to put off finding leaderofstars until the wolves are fended off. She used her magic to tell her friends and every able pony to come to the west part of ponyville to fight off the wolves. Before she could do anything else she heard a series of very loud bangs coming from where the timber wolves were attacking from. Bracing her nerves she ran towards the bangs.

Rainbow Dash was in the air when she heard twilight's message about the wolves. Looking in the general direction she saw a large number of timber wolves running from Everfree forest. As she flew over she noticed a flash of metal from below. It was the hue-man and he was on one leg as if he was protecting something. He was holding some kind of metal tube in one hoof-paw and pointing it at the wolves, then a series of loud bangs and flashes of sorts came from the metal tube. She then heard the cutie mark crusaders starting to scream. As she turned around to find them she noticed the human had started to run from the wave of wolves. He looked like he was holding something. As Rainbow flew overhead to the side she saw that he was trying to save the cutie mark crusaders!

This wasn't good. My bullets.... they do nothing against the wolves. What the hell are they made of..... wood? I'm gonna need a more powerful caliber to crack them bitches open. Leaderofstars thought as he ran away from the wolf horde, carrying the three little ponies in both arms. He needed to get the little ones somewhere safe before attempting to fend off the horde. The RPD would have been perfect here. So many wolves and not enough 9 millis here to stop them.
A chance glance to his side showed rainbow dash flying alongside him. “Here, take the little ones somewhere safer.” he shouted handing the young ponies to rainbow. She took them with her away from the fight as leaderofstars shouted out in pain. A wolf had managed to bite him on the lower leg and was trying to hold him in place for the rest of the wolves to attack. Shoving the barrel into the wolf's eye, leaderofstars turned the wolf's brain into mush with a single shot.
Leaderofstars turned around and kept firing at the approaching wolfs, but the 9 milli ball points did nothing to stop their advancement. As they got closer he saw that they weren't wearing tree bark on themselves as he thought previously, they were made of actual fucking wood. The term timber wolf doesn't refer to where they live, it refers to what they are: wolves made out of timber. “Ah, I call bullshit on this.” he said back pedaling from the horde. It didn't help that his nanobots had shut down when he got bitten, something that wasn't supposed to happen at all. It was a good thing that he hadn't ripped the wolf off him like last time or the injury could have been worse then a simple bite.
He tripped and fell on his ass while reloading his next magazine causing him to drop both the magazine and his sidearm. The magazine went flying somewhere while the pistol clattered right behind him. Before he could try to recover a wolf took advance of his weaken state to jump on top of him and tried to rip out his throat, but was stopped by a quick neck snap. Tossing the dead wolf off of him, leaderofstars grabbed his pistol and loaded the last magazine he had on his belt. Getting up would make him open to attack, so he tried to crawl backwards so he could continue firing at the horde. As luck would have it, a huge mob of ponies come to his aid, using their various skills to fend off the wolves. He got up, gritting his teeth at the sudden pain of putting pressure on his leg bite, and advanced with the mob firing the last of his pistol ammo at the retreating wolves.

Sometime after the fight, leaderofstars sat on a nearby bench, eating a steak while pulling out wooden splinters out of his leg, just as everybody else was clearing away all the wolves killed in the fight. Well almost everybody, the little crusaders had been sent inside, Fluttershy was sitting next to him cringing every-time he quickly jerked out a splinter, Press Release was busy interviewing everybody who fought and a whole team of doctors were tending to the injured. After pulling out the last splinter his nanobots came back online and healed his now splinter-free wound.
With his leg feeling better he got up to help move some wolf corpses, but was stopped by a female talking to him from behind. “That was impressive, risking your life to protect three fillies you never knew, leaderofstars.”
Turning around, he saw that there was a large pure white pony, perhaps a full grown horse?, with rainbow hair that seemed to defy gravity and the lack of wind by flowing in one direction, and possessed both wings and a horn. She was being flanked by two smaller ponies wearing golden armor resembling roman centurions and deadpan stares.
“Yeah, what of it? They weren't going to last long if I didn't try to help.” he said turning back around to help toss some carcasses.
“You actions here has made me reconsider sending you back where you came from,” the white pony/horse said following him at his pace.
“Whats that supposed to mean?”
“In the hospital and here now I am sensing much evil in you. Enough evil to warrant sending you far away from this world, but your actions in defending the three fillies has shown me that there is something benevolent guiding your actions. It is unusual, I have seen you kill the timber wolves without mercy, yet you choose to save the fillies before attempting to kill again. You are unique leaderofstars, a merciless killer that puts the life of others before his desire to kill.”
Grabbing a couple of wolf carcasses his reply was as deadpan as the guards faces, “First off I’m a hunter not a killer. Secondly: Protect the innocent, serve the public trust, uphold the law. These are what I hold myself to.”
“Is that what guides the killer in you, words? Whats stopping you from breaking these words without caring?”
“My honor, my upbringing, my oath.” he tossed his two carcasses in with the others. “All three have served me well during my long and lonely life back home. I doubt you know anything of what I’ve been through so take your bullshit and shove it.” he walked back to grab a couple more.
“Your immortality is only a curse because you allow it to be.”
leaderofstars stopped walking. “How... did you...”
“While you are unlike the ponies in this world, I can tell you've lived far beyond your normal human lifespan in a state of constant warfare and turmoil. Maybe your are here to find what is needed to finally move on or find what your heart has been craving for so long. I cannot tell what will allow you to finally be at peace, but I know you will find it here in this world.”
leaderofstars was at a loss for words. He had barely met this pony/horse, yet she knew just about everything about him without him even saying anything about it. “wh.. wh... who are you? He demanded.

“I’m princess Celestia, I rule the kingdom of Equestria along side my sister, princess luna.”
He thought back to what Press Release had told him, “I'm sure princess Celestia would give you some land to live on.” “So you and your sister rule over this land, huh?” He said trying to change the subject. “Well it just so happens that I’m the leader of a landless country. If I’m to truly find what will put my soul at peace then I’ll be needing some land to live on.”
“I could just give you free land, but I’ll need something in exchange.” She got uncomfortably close to his face. “You can either give me some of your human technology or you can give me your body for one night.”
“What does that mean 'give you my body'?”
“I want you to pleasure me sexually.”
leaderofstars' eyebrow twitched. Has the ruler of this kingdom really just offered some land in exchange for a one night stand? “As tempting as it sounds I’ll pass on that. I'm more then happy to part with some of my knowledge in exchange for some land.”
She pulled away from his face, looking a bit unhappy. “Ok it's agreed then you'll give three pieces of human technology and I’ll let you have enough land to live on wherever you wish.”

After sharing with princess Celestia my knowledge about the production and various uses of polycarbonate (eyeglasses), black and smokeless powder (fireworks), I requested to occupy land within the forest that the timber wolves has attacked ponyville from, much to her confusion. I told her not to worry about anything, I just needed to live somewhere where I could hunt and skin wild game without being viewed as a freak. She agreed to my terms but made it very clear that her offer of sex or tech was still on the table if I needed anything else but couldn't get at that time. As she walked off towards Twilight, I find myself thinking, man I’ve stumbled into a land ruled by complete pervert.
I walked away to help dispose of the bodies. I wasn't sure how they would get rid of rotting wood carcasses, but I intended to set them of fire and watch them burn to cinders. It was getting dark when I finished setting fire to the bodies. After lying down to watch the fire consume the wolves, Twilight, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, the pink one, and a stunted growth dinosaur sat down next me.
The one called Applejack seemed grateful for me saving her little sister Applebloom, whoever that was, from the wolves. I told her it wasn't problem since rainbow dash did most of the saving anyway. Fluttershy was touching my now completely healed leg wound trying to do something, I wasn't going to stop her or find out. Both Twilight and Rainbow were messing with my sidearm I guess trying to figure out how it worked. They would never be able to use it since it was designed for creatures such as myself that had fingers. Even if they figured how to use it, it was unloaded and the safety was on. The white Rarity was looking at my jacket saying something about the Kevlar padding and the faded colors. And the pink one was holding a bag of popcorn in one hoof. That did nothing to surprise me because of all the other weird shit that happened today, I’ve become pretty jaded to all the mind fucks this world was thrusting at me.
My view of the fire was blocked by the tiny dinosaur standing front of me, I guess he was trying to make himself seem real tough in front of me. “What do you want half pint?”
“You don't look so tough.”
“I’m not curb stomping your face right now. That's why.”
He glared at me for a bit, “My name is spike.”
“leaderofstars” I said offering my hand to shake. He either refused or didn't understand. “Ya know if your gunna give me grief about anything at all, forget it. I had just about all I could deal with today without getting completely smashed. So move over I got a fire to look at.” the dinosaur grunted and walked over to the side. I'm guessing he doesn't trust me at all or something.
“Why do you claim to be a apex predator? You seemed to have so much trouble fighting the timber wolves.”
Oh that's why the shrimp is acting like that. “I know I don't really look like an apex predator at first glance, but I’m more then capable of holding my own against other creatures back on Terra. I was just caught off guard with how the wolves were really made of wood not flesh and blood.”
He just looked at me, but said nothing. Which was fine with me, my fire looked nice burning like that. After a while the fire had died down forcing me to ask about where I could bunk down for the night. A female light green unicorn pony by the name of Lyra offered to let me stay at her place for the night, despite protest from her roommate, a off white pony named bon bon and every other pony that brought up that I may end up raping her, eating her or some other horse shit they were spreading around. How unsporting, doing anything to anybody in their sleep it's most unbecoming of a hunter like myself, both I would be careful around a lion myself.
But I’m just glad somebody's willing to let me sleep in a proper home for tonight at least. I hope she has a couch.

“Tia what are you doing up so late?” princess Luna asked her sister who still writing paperwork long after she was supposed to go to bed.
“Just finishing up some paperwork for that hue-man that I visited earlier,” princess Celestia.
“Oh? Hes still here? I thought you was going to get rid of him and his evil presence.”
“Before I could, he redeemed himself by helping the citizens of ponyville fend off a horde of timber wolves. There's enough good within him to let him stay here for the rest of his life.”
“He took you up on your offer, didn't he?”
Celestia stopped writing. “Actually no. He's just haunted by his past failures, but he did offer up up some sherds of his human technology in exchange for some land in Everfree forest. But I’m hoping he'll take me up on my original offer.”
“Why not get the elements to solve that problem. They removed nightmare moon, I’m sure they'll remove the pain.”
“Even if they could he isn't a creature readily affected by magic, through his soul screams of pain and sorrow.”
“Sorry to hear that.” luna started to walk away
“Oh maybe you could court him, lulu.”
luna turned to face her sister, “Why?”
“He's here for a reason, I’m guessing to find the love he never could while fighting in his old life. He's a immortal like us so you can take your time if your uncomfortable with the idea right now. He's just needs to open up before he can heal his soul.”
“STOP TRYING TO SET ME UP WITH RANDOM PONIES!” Luna shouted at Celestia, who shown no reaction to her sister's shouting.
“At least go meet him at least once, hes not like the other-ponies I try to set you up with. He's... unique in the literal sense, both physically and mentally at least.”
“Just like every other pony you've set me up with since I’ve been back.”
“Just visit him when you have the chance. He'll be the odd one out in any crowd.”