“Whoops,” Ruble said as the third wave of zombies began ripping away at the barricades of the alley.
“The red one, he is not so…bright,” Crescendo muttered to Gemini.
“Hey, I heard that!” Ruble shouted.
“Just open the gate!” Tank shouted.
“You know what? I don’t think I will,” Ruble said, turning his back to the other three. “I’m going to stay right here and buy these Galvahooves. You three can go to that box thingy if you want, but it won’t be on my money.”
Gemini let out a scream as a zombie began clawing itself out of the ground next to her. It moaned and hissed and she began kicking it in the face. Ruble wasn’t concerned and watched as the zombies nearest him broke through the barricade. Instead of slowly stumbling, these zombies trotted over to him. He counted as he put five bullets into the first one and bucked. The zombie was not pleased and swung back at him.
“I told you they get stronger,” Tank said. Before the zombie could swing again and bring an embarrassing end to Ruble, Tank put a single bullet into its head. The light vanished from its eyes and it fell to the ground. Gemini kicked her zombie for a third time and it too died.
An overwhelming amount of trotting zombies began pouring into the alley and converging on the survivors. “Uh…Yeah. It’s time to go,” Ruble said, running and opening the gate. It swung open with a *cha ching* and all but Tank filed through.
“Hit the box, I’ll hold em.” The alicorn emptied the remainder of his shotgun ammo into the hoard and began bucking the zombies as they approached; stepping forward to avoid being hit from the ones that did not die.
“I opened the gate, I’ll buy from this stupid thing first,” Ruble said, edging Gemini out of the way. He looked at the box skeptically but tapped his hoof on it and watched 950 points drain away from his total. The lid shot open and an assortment of guns and weapons cycled past his eyes. The question marks stenciled on the box glowed brightly and the sound of a roulette wheel emanated from within.
“I want that one,” Ruble said, reaching his hoof into the cycling weapons as a large machine gun appeared. His hoof phased through it and another gun took its place. “Hey, what gives? I deserve a choice in this, it is my money!” Soon enough that gun too disappeared and a knife now floated from the open box. “…That’s not a gun.”
“Just take it, I want my turn!” Gemini shouted.
“No! I want a refund!” Ruble shouted, slamming his coin against the side of the box.
“Gonna need some help here!” Tank shouted. The zombie hoard was becoming more than he could handle and the barricades behind the box were being compromised. Ruble moaned and grabbed the knife out of the box with his teeth.
“Mares first,” Crescendo said, offering Gemini the next purchase of the mystery box.
“Never took you for much a gentlecolt,” Gemini said, swishing her tail in Crescendo’s face as she strode past him.
Ruble joined Tank and began slashing at the zombies with the knife he held in his teeth, dropping them with a single slash. Once he was sure Ruble had the situation covered, Tank retreated to the mystery box to rebuild the barricades before the undead could break through. Gemini and Crescendo watched the mystery box as it searched for a suitable weapon for the unicorn; ultimately deciding on the Ray Gun.
“Ooh, what’s this?” Gemini asked, levitating the “bubbly” red and green blaster towards her.
“It’s a Ray Gun…Mark One,” Tank said after a quick glance. “Suits you,” he added.
“Oh come on, she gets an alien death pistol and I get this stupid thing?” Ruble asked, holding out the odd knife he’d been using.
“It shoots knives, you know.” Tank remained focused on keeping the zombie in the window; putting up a board every time it tore one down.
Ruble looked over the ballistic knife until he found a small button. He turned to the few remaining shambling zombies and lined up his shot. With a click, the blade was propelled from the handle and sank into the skull of the earth pony zombie. It moaned and dropped to the ground with the blade still buried in its head.
“You see that? You saw that, right? Heh, heh,” Ruble chuckled, “It’s a unicorn now…because the blade…is a horn.” He fished another blade out of his pouch and pushed it into the handle with a click. A pegasus with its entrails dragging beneath it approached and Ruble got another head shot with the blade. “Alicorn, ha, ha.”
As the “alicorn” zombie dropped, the one Tank was keeping at bay in the window became more furious and much louder. “So no more will spawn if this one does not die?” Crescendo asked.
“Typically…” Tank replied cryptically.
“You should hit the box if that’s the case,” Gemini said, splaying herself out on the mystery box seductively.
"Better idea, comrade,” Ruble said, stepping forward, “Why don’t you fly to the castle and see if Celestia knows exactly what the hell is going on down here.” Crescendo’s wings, which had just been fully flared, snapped back against his body. “Something wrong, comrade?”
“Now we’re flying, we’re free! We’re free before the thunderstorm! On towards the wilderness our quest carries on!” Gemini sang, jumping off the mystery box and putting her hooves around Crescendo’s neck.
“I’d actually like to see if that would work,” Tank said, turning to face the others while his magic continued repairing the barricade.
“I…um…am not really in the flying mood!” Crescendo said, shaking Gemini from him. He stepped forward and put his coin against the mystery box, causing it to open up and display its contents.
“What kinda pegasus isn’t in the flying mood?” Ruble scoffed. Crescendo ignored him and waited for the box to award him a weapon. “You can fly, right?” Ruble asked. Crescendo swallowed and sweat began pouring from his forehead.
“Of course he can!” Gemini shouted to defend her favorite singer. “He’s flown with dragons, and eagles, and been to the moon, and writes all sorts of songs about it!”
“To the moon, huh? I can only think of one pony that’s been there and it was Celestia that put her there,” Ruble once again commented. Tank laughed and the others looked at him.
“Huh? Oh sorry. It’s just that—well the moon—you see—I—and we—and the zombies—you know what, never mind.” Tank babbled. “Oh nice, you got the LSAT.”
Crescendo turned around to see a heavy machine gun waiting for him to take but Ruble stepped in his way. “I’ll reimburse you,” Ruble said, reaching for the gun. As if swatted by a large invisible hoof, Ruble flew through the air and smashed against the wall. A sinister laugh echoed through the alley and the LSAT landed at Crescendo’s hooves.
“Yeah, they won’t let you take anything that you didn’t pay for,” Tank said, looking down at the shell-shocked earth pony.
“Who’s ‘they’?” Gemini asked.
“Crescendo! Are you going to fly or not?” Tank shouted, ignoring Gemini’s question. The pegasus put the gun’s strap around his neck and hoisted it off the ground.
“It is too heavy, I hate to disappoint you,” he said, flapping his wings weakly.
“You’re not even trying,” Ruble said, standing back up. “Just admit you can’t fly so we can get moving.” Crescendo turned red and put his head down in shame.
“It isn’t true…is it?” Gemini asked, looking at Crescendo with disappointment. “All those songs…and the music videos…”
“Writers and special effects.”
“All right, now that I’m done drilling into the useless pegasus, on to you horned freaks,” Ruble said happily. “Why don’t you use your magic to teleport us to Celestia? Mr. Alicorn, care to explain?”
“Buddy, I haven’t been an alicorn very long,” Tank said to everyone’s amazement. “I can levitate stuff, that’s the extent of my power.”
“Alright…that answers one question and raises a whole lot of others…uhh…Pink Pony! Teleport us! Chop chop!”
Gemini briefly forgot her disappointment with Crescendo and angrily looked at Ruble Rouser. “I never poured any of my studies into teleportation; messy business that is—too many variables—I’d like to keep my insides on the inside, thank-you-very-much.”
“Alright,” Ruble sighed, rubbing his temple with the edge of his hoof. “Where to from here?”
The alley was bordered by the great Canterlot wall and backs of several brick buildings. The buildings' doors were bolt locked and not even the magic of the coin would open them. Past the mystery box and several dumpsters was a fire escape ladder that led to a single purchasable door. Gemini was the one to climb the ladder while Ruble and Crescendo watched from below.
“It’s two thousand points!” Gemini shouted after checking her coin.
“Can you see anything inside?” Tank shouted over the moaning of the zombie. The *cha-ching* of replacing boards had long since stopped and both Tank and the zombie were growing impatient.
Gemini strained her eyes to see into the dark building and could only make out a few odd shapes. “I see…balloons…and…a soda machine…and…something shiny.”
“Please tell me the soda machine is lit up!”
“Nope!”
“Damn…Ruble! Watch this zombie for me!”
“Going somewhere?” Ruble asked, stepping over to the barricade.
“Yeah, after I hit the mystery box,” Tank replied. He put his coin up to the box and his total went down by 950. Ruble watched as the guns came and went until an assault rifle remained.
“You all suck,” Ruble pouted. Tank grabbed the Galil out of the box and turned to see the zombie ripping away the last board of the window. He didn’t have to say anything—the look on his face was all it took to inform Ruble of the mistake he’d made. The zombie crawled through the window and Ruble slashed its neck, sending a spray of rust colored blood everywhere.
“Wave four everypony! Look alive!”