Look at it, isn’t it great? So free, unrestrained by the…um…constraints of society. It does exactly what it pleases whenever it pleases. The best part? There are consequences to its actions. It does something and it doesn't get away with it. I know that doesn’t sound great, but think about it. Could you imagine being like that? Able to do whatever you want whenever you want and what you do actually affects the world.
Hm? What, you think I’m being too vague? I mean, I guess I see what you mean, it isn’t really an obvious thing.
What I’m talking about is how what it does causes a- what? That’s not what you meant? Wait, it is? Hey. Booky. Hey! Booky, slow the crap down! What do you mean? Oh, why didn’t you say so, stupid.
Do you see the fly up there on the wall? Right up there where I’d hang a picture if I had one I cared enough to hang. No, that’s a stain…which brings up a pretty good question; where did that stain come from? That isn’t where I threw my vase, is it? No, that was the door. And there wasn’t anything in the vase. It might be from one of the times I got bored and just started spitting at the wall. Yeah, that’s it. And no, that’s not what I’m talking about. The fly is right next to that stain. See it? Alright then, we’re on the same page.
Now, as I was saying, that fly is pretty much free to do whatever it wants and do it at whatever point it chooses to do it and regardless the action it takes that fly will cause some form of reaction from somepony. Isn’t it great? That fly could just up and come over here and land on you and I’d freak out cause…um…reasons. I’d love to live like that.
You’re lost again, aren’t you? Yep, thought so. Let me spell it out for you in the next paragraph.
As you know, that fly is able to do whatever it wants and what it does will bring about reaction. The fly doesn’t care. That’s the great part. It acts without care to whatever it affects. It just does what it does for the sake of doing it. Not cause it likes to mock those who’d like to have an effect on it, but because it’s just doing it. No emotion, no thought, nothing; only thoughtless, emotionless action.
I’d like that, to be able to go throughout the mevening, nightday, daynight, evenoring, and even the dreaded noon with action alone. Not one of my actions carrying any kind of meaning. That way I could do what I want without fear of having to, say, run into a Pinktard or anything annoying like that. I don’t want to have to form stupid alliances just to survive. Trust me; worrying about being conspired against isn’t something I enjoy.
Look at it, look at that fly. I bet it won’t even live past the next day. Whether or not it dies from me unleashing godlike might or from it just not being able to live that long, that fly is destined to die. It’s mesmerizing. That fly has probably never had its house burned down, its belongings burned down, itself burned down, beaten up by three hundred royal guards the size of buildings, kissed a rock, kissed a retard, or cared for a filly. And yet, despite that freedom, it’s destined to die before even a week passes.
Yeah, I think you’re catching on now. I’m kind of -understatement- unhappy with my current situation.
I’d get into it, but I really don’t want any more drama. I’m done with the drama, I hate the drama. Beyond seething hate, I’ve never cared about the Derptard. Beyond seething indifference, I’ve never cared about anypony else’s opinions. And I most certainly have NEVER cared for a filly’s wellbeing.
I mean, I got punched! In the face! That’s stupid!
When I first noticed this stupid change thing, I couldn’t help but think to give it a chance. Life with V wasn’t horrible. To be honest -which I always am-, I really enjoyed having her here. She didn’t make noise, she didn’t get in my way, and she even contributed to things I enjoyed. Like when I work, for example. The soft sound she made when she slept helped me zone out and mindlessly plow through my task. I loved that. And then there’s Rarity, she has the use of reminding me of my mom. So if I had to change to get V and a constant reminder of the greatest thing I’ve ever lost, then I was more than willing to change.
That was before I figured out how much changing would hurt. I’m fine with -ugh- interacting with Rarity if it means thinking of my mom, but it isn’t like I go there and we’re alone. No, every time I see her there are at least two or three other ponies around. Not to mention that she’s a bore all on her own, but those other ponies are just asking too much. Same goes with V. I’m more than willing to be around her and to suffer any other foals who I would have to endure to spend time with her, but I’m NOT okay with going anywhere near any of the ponies I’d have to be around V. That list includes Twilight, Blossom -though I don’t mind being around dem flanks-, V’s parents, or literally anypony else. It’s just asking too much. And don’t even get me started on the Derptard!
There’s a good question; why does my change have to involve that whore of a retard? Literally the only involvement in my -so-called- life was the burning down of my house and the constant annoying hospital visits. That’s it! I never interacted with her before on ANY level! Why does it involve her?? I mean, yeah, she’s in love with me and I APPARENTLY reciprocate, but that doesn’t mean crap!
I see that you’re asking yourself, “Why doesn’t that mean crap, Mr. Commander. Ipsa U-fucking-nica?” Well, my bookish companion, see how the only thing linking her and I are how she likes me and how I’ve developed a mental disorder? You see, the relationship that would normally come out of a shared connection like that is called ‘coupling’. What relationship has developed out of that? Pain. So much pain. Physical, mental, THEORITICAL pain! That doesn’t even make sense! Her entire involvement in my -so-called- life has been nothing but disaster!
I’m in no way willing to deal with her. I mean, would you?? For the measly gaining of V’s companionship and the regaining of something to remember my dear mom by, I have to give up my sanity, my health, and -inevitably- another house!
That. Is. Crap.
I want to be that fly. Live with action and no care for reaction. To go through my route and not worry about being guilt-tripped into bringing home a filly. To live a life, a simple life, without any of that stupid pain.
I’d also like to fly, that seems pretty cool too.