There aren't actually any card games in this chapter! I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT, SUPAHSNAIL!
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MEANWHILE, DEEP BENEATH THE SURFACE OF THE OCEAN
Dartz stood proudly before his three loyal minions, Raphael, Valon and Alister. His long hair was a bright shade of orange. "My fwiends," he said. His hair color had changed to yellow. "Do anay of yew knaw why I am so excited today? I'm so excited, it's like I got ten pounds of excitement in a five pound bayg! This is a momentamuos... monempous... mamupitous... Aww, you know! It's a weawy impowtant day, mayyyn!"
"Tell us, oh great and powerful Dartz!" Alister requested. "Why are you so happy today?"
"No, mayn," Dartz said. His hair was green. "Yew gotta guess first, mayn. Fiwst, yew guess, then I tell yew! That's how it wowks."
"You're glad that you get to have a pointless cameo appearance in this fanfiction?" Rafael guessed.
"Of couwse not, mayn!" Dartz snapped. His hair had changed to purple. "Ain't nobody gonna be weadin' this cwayep!"
"It's better than your Rarijack fanfiction," Valon quipped.
"Shut yow face, douchebayeg!" Dartz ordered. He had grey hair. "Wawijayek is the most fantabuwous ship in the wowld, mayn! Evewyboday woves Wawijayek, mayn!"
"Not really," Valon said.
"Nobody really likes Rarijack, boss," said Alister.
"Yeah, that ship makes way too much sense for the fans to actually care about it," Rafael added.
"Cayn it, douchebayegs!" Dartz ordered. "Y'aw betta keep y'aw mouths shut about Wawijayek! If any of y'aw say anythan' bayd about Wawijayek from now on, I'm gonna dick you!"
"...What?" Rafael asked in complete confusion.
"Can't y'aw understand pwain engwish?" Dartz asked. His hair was purple again. "I said I'm gonna dick yew, mayn! Dick yew hawd! Dick yew stwait in the jaw! I'w dick you so hawd that it wiw weave a visibwe mawk on yow face!"
"Wait, is the boss sayin' deck or d**k?" Valon asked.
"DEEEEEEIIIIIIIICK!!!" Dartz said loudly, trying to enunciate the word "deck."
"Okay, okay, we get it!" Rafael insisted.
"Mayn, I don't think yew do get it," Dartz said with blue hair. "Wawijayek is the second beyst ship in the whowe wowld! Aynd yew wiw addwess it as such!"
"What's the first best, oh great and powerful Dartz?" Alister asked.
"Skydowsminecwaft x Deadwox!"
"I'm not even going to comment on that..." Said Rafael.
Dartz had green hair. "Yew betta nawt! Skywox is beyst ship, and yew wiw wespect it! ...Yeah, now, down to business. May Wittuw Po-nay got themselves a new episode comin' on in about an houw... AND WE GONNA WAWTCH IT!"
"Seriously?" Rafael asked, "You called an evil meeting... At the bottom of the ocean... For that?"
"PO-NAYS IS SEWIOUS BUSINESS, MAYN!!!"
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ALSO MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE TOOLSHED! (Also referred to as Yugi's grandfather's card shop)
Yugi's Grandfather was intently watching his TV on his desk. "I can't remember how to get home." He narrated to himself, "I might as well stay here and watch cartoons! Then, I'll have some special time with my Black Luster Soldier... What was I doing again? ...Where am I?"
An ominous, ghostlike voice came from his Black Luster Soldier poster. "But mister Moto, don't you want to give me more of your love now? I thirst for more life force!"
"Shut up, Black Luster Soldier!" The old man snapped. "I'll get to you later! Nobody interrupts pony time!"
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MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE IN EGYPT
Maximillion Pegasus, Florence, and the Dark Lord Zorc were the only three villains attending that week's evil council meeting. They had decided that sense Marik was gone, the normal counsel meeting had lost its entertainment value that was the only reason they really came there.
"Well... This is kind of boring..." Florence commented.
"I know something we could do for fun!" Zorc said.
"And what might that be, Zorc?" Asked Pegasus.
"We could destroy the world!" Said Zorc. The sound of canned laughter played in the background, wich happened every time Zorc said his catchphrase.
Pegasus began fake laughing, "Ha ha ha... Ha ha... Ha... Can I have my Millenium Eye back, now?"
"No," Florence quickly responded.
"Fine then," Pegasus said, "Have it your way, Bakura. I suppose we should at least find something to do with our time."
"Let me guess," Florence said. "You want to watch the Spice Girls movie."
"Well, it's a whole lot better than Cannibal Holocaust!"
"That movie is a piece of cinematic gold!" Florence said angrily.
"I disagree," said Pegasus. "It's so unfabulous!"
"Yeah, and we've already watched it like a bajillion times!" Zorc exaggerated.
"Fine," Florence said frustrated. "What do you want us to watch?"
"As it turns out," Pegsus suggested. "My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic is coming out with a new episode in a manner of minutes."
"No..." Florence said.
"It's going to be about the Cutie Mark Crusaders..."
"No, no!"
"AND it's going to have two new songs in it!"
"NONONONONONONONO!" Florence yelled defiantly.
"Oh, come now, Bakura, it isn't that bad," Pegasus insisted.
"NO!" Yelled Florence stubbornly. "If I'm exposed to too much friendship at one time, I die!"
"Come on, buddy!" Said Zorc. "Most people love this show when they give it a chance!"
"You watch it too!?"
"Of course!" Said Zorc. "I like it almost as much as destroying the world!" When he said this, more canned laughter played in the background.
"Okay, fine!" Florence said, "As long as I can wear a blindfold."
"Ooh, Bakura!" Pegasus giggled. "I had no idea you had it in you!"
"We're still talking about the cartoon, right?"
"Oh... Right... The cartoon."
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MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE STORY YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT
Joey, Yami, Applejack and Twilight stood in a line, facing Melvin, all poised for action. "Joey," Yami said to his friend. "Give us some action music!"
"You got it!" Joey said. "IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN! Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh! Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh! Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh! Nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh... nyeh-nyeh... nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh... nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh-nyeh!"
"Now, listen in horror, Pharaoh!" Melvin commanded. "As I tell you my entire evil plan... For no reason!"
"Well, you'd better make it quick," said Yami. "Because all of those pointless cameos just took up about half of the chapter."
"Or we could just attack you while you're talking," Applejack pointed out.
"No, you Musn't!" Said Yami. "It's anime law! Once a character begins a monologue, all other characters must wait until he is finished!"
"That's right, binky boy!" Said Melvin. "To explain my plan, I first must explain what Marik was trying to do."
"Marik had a plan?" Yami asked in shock.
"Well... Kind of," Melvin explained. "It wasn't very good. Marik originally planned to trap you in this world. However, he was stuck here to by accident. The Millennium Rod was easily able to send him here because our dimension has no fourth wall! However, this world has a very thick fourth wall, making it impossible to gain access to other T.V. shows!"
"What's a T.V. show?" Twilight asked.
"You're a T.V. show!" Yami answered with unnecessary yelling.
"Yes, but what is it?"
"YOU ARE!"
"Yes..." Marik said. "Anyway, Marik needed a way to break the fourth wall, he planned to use your pink friend's unusual abilities to bypass the fourth wall in order to return to Domino City and leave you stranded here."
"Then why didn't he just do that instead of getting all of us to come over here and fight him?" Yami asked.
"Because he's stupid," Melvin stated. "Now for my plan. I knew that foolishly foolish fool Marik would foolishly fail in a foolish way at some point. I have uses for the pink one as well, but instead of using her to escape, I'm going to use her to bring something here! Something so evil you can not possibly imagine it!"
"TELL ME!" Yami demanded.
"I was about to tell you."
"TELL ME!"
"I would, if you'd just give me a EFFing second!"
"TELL ME!"
"What's wrong with this guy?"
"TELL ME!"
"FINE! My plan is to give control of this show to 4Kids! There! I just spoiled the entire fanficton. Happy?"
"What are you talking about?" Yami demanded. "It's already the seventh chapter and and you're just now revealing the plot, and you think that's too soon? Seriously, it's like the person writing this doesn't even care!"
"SILENCE!" Melvin commanded. "As once my evil plan is put into action, 4Kids will undoubtably get this show cancelled within a few terrible episodes!"
"But why?" Yami asked. "Why would you do such a thing?"
"Because, Pharaoh, this show is about magic and friendship. I hate it! And the more this show exists, the more it continues to make the world a happier place!"
"What are all of you talking about?" Twilight asked, her head throbbing from confusion. "What is 4Kids? What does 'getting cancelled' mean? And what will happen if we are cancelled?"
"It's simple really," Melvin said. "Everything you know, everything in your entire world will cease to exist! You will be plunged into eternal darkness and-" He was abruptly interrupted she the left side of his face became distorted and stretched out. "AHH! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MY FACE!? WHY DOES IT KEEP DOING THAT!? DEAR GODS! IT HURTS SO MUCH!"
Twilight still didn't understand what Melvin's plan actually meant, but she knew she had to stop him. Her focus shifted to his Millennium Rod. "The rod!" She shouted, "Grab the rod!" Upon saying this, she and Applejack leapt into action, B-lining straight toward the Millennium Rod.
"Stop them, mind slaves!" Melvin commanded. When he said this, the sea serpent and the guy with freaky hair obeyed, though the sea serpent couldn't do much since he was stuck in the water. When Twilight and Applejack were mere feet away from the Millennium Rod, the crazy haired minion jumped at them both and rammed into them with his right shoulder, knocking them both down.
Melvin took advantage of this opportunity. Though he wanted to stay and hug all of them, he knew that completing his plan was too important. He commanded Pinkie Pie to follow him and began to flee through the woods.
The henchman stood over Twilight and Applejack. "Attention, duelists!" He said, "My hair is about to beat the everloving crap out of you!"
"JOEY, USE TACKLE!" Yami ordered.
Joey yelled his own name and sprinted toward the henchman and rammed into him with the top of his head, causing him to fall down only inches away from the water's edge. "That is what you get when you mess with someone who either is or sounds like he is from Brooklyn. Especially if they are in a state of rage!"
Applejack and Twilight stood back up only to see the sea serpent swing its own head directly into Joeys chest, causing him to fling back into the trees and cry, "Aww! My ribneys!"
Yami chuckled at Joey when he crawled out of the bushes. "Ha-ah... 'ribneys'."
The henchman struggled back up and looked at Twilight. "Attention, duelist!" He repeated. "My hair is..."
"STOP [squee]ING SAYING THAT!!!" Twilight swore. Her horn was beginning to glow and it got brighter every time she spoke. "I SWEAR TO CELESTIA! You [squee] [squee] annoying pieces of [squee]! I am going to [squee] [squee] [squee] your entire [squee] [squee] out of your [squee] so that even your own mother won't recognize you! Then [squee] your [squee] [squee] right back into your [squee] so that you'll have to [squee] sideways!!!" The purple aura surrounding her horn had become twice the volume of her head.
"...Did my hair mention that it's sorry?" The henchman asked.
"THAT TEARS IT!" Twilight shouted. She released a giant beam of energy strait at him that carried him across the water and into the forest behind him. He plowed through trees and brush, leaving a very visible trail of destruction with no end in sight. The sea serpent quickly gave up his loyalty for Melvin and swam down the river and out of sight.
"De... I think she just killed that guy..." said Joey.
"Don't be silly, Joey," Said Yami. "I'm sure he's been through worse."
"No," Joey argued, "No he hasn't. If he had, he would already have been dead. Because that f***ing killed him!"
"What's gonna happen now?" Applejack asked.
"Well, I'm it sure what's going to happen to this world." Yami admitted. "As for our world. If fans of this show are even half as fanatic as anime fans, there will probably be lots of fighting."
"Oh, come on, Yug," said Joey. "How violent could they possibly be?"
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Melvin used Pinkie Pie's fourth wall breaking power to bring about the destructive powers of 4Kids. Luckily, all of this happened off screen; which means that I, as an extremely lazy writer, do not have to explain this long and complicated process to you. Just be assured that it probably had a lot of chanting or something, and leave it at that.
The next episode aired on schedule with eager fans watching it the world over. However, the show they aired was very different. It was called "My Not Big Pony: Friendship is Helpful" (because the words little and magic might be offensive to some viewers). Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack were all written off of the show because because female characters that act slightly tomboyish are obviously lesbians and therefore offensive to American audiences... in America. Zecora was also written off of the show because she is clearly a satanic worshipper and a horrible role model. Spike began singing pointless and poorly written, family friendly rap songs at every chance he had in order to appeal to today's youth. It was a lot like what they did to One Piece. ONLY WORSE!
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MEANWHILE, BACK SOMEWHERE IN EGYPT
After the episode was over, Florence lifted his blindfold and removed his ear plugs. "So, how was it?" He asked.
"It was horrible, Bakura!" Pegasus pouted.
"But I thought you liked that show," said Bakura.
"Yes, but this was different! It was so... So... tacky!" Pegasus exclaimed.
"I am very upset!" Zorc announced. "In fact, I am so upset, I'm going to destroy the world!"
"That's strange," said Florence. "There wasn't any canned laughter when you said that."
"That is because I was serious!" Zorc explained. He used his awkwardly placed dragon head to blow down one of the walls in the evil council room, and then he stomped out into the desert, marching toward the nearest civilization to destroy.
"Oh my word, he's ruined the new drapes!" Pegasus exclaimed.
"And he's going to destroy the whole, bloody world!" Florence added. "I like the world! It has things that I like in it! I like those things!"
"This whole day has turned out so unfabulous!"
"For once, I agree with you."