//------------------------------//
// Anything But That 
// Story: I'm getting fired at a planet, that's your plan. I get fired at a planet and expected to deal with it 
// by Timelord12 
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After we got back home, things were mostly normal, until one day, I got called by Iron Smith(admittedly not the oddest name here) to the metalshop. He wanted to try out a rifle he made from my descriptions and sketches of BB guns. I'm not stupid, I know that putting a gun into a pony's hooves is insane. Anyways, I was teaching a grey mare to shoot, and soon said "fire at the target." She began wildly firing, I stopped her. "Careful, Derpy. I said at the target, not up it!" 
"Sorry sir," she said as she turned around, revealing wall eyes, "doing my best."
"Who made that mare a tester?" I asked incredulously.
"I did, John, she's my cousin." Said another wall eyed mare.
"Who is she?!" I again asked. "A Ditz." Was my reply.
Of course, I can see that, I thought to myself. I then asked, "what's her name?"
"That is her name, John, chief Ditz."
"And her cousin?"
"She's a Ditz too, Sir. Tester's mate, first class, Ms. Ditz."
"How many Ditzes we got in this testing ground, anyway?" 
"HI!" Was the answer from most of the ponies on the grounds.
I turned around, and said the only thing I could have. "I knew it, I'm surrounded by Ditzes." I sighed.
"We are a rather large family, sir." Said a, thankfully not walleyed, mare.
-----------a while later------------
"Hey Twilight, I have a question." I yelled to the Allicorn.
"Yes?" Was the answer.
"Do you have census books? Preferably as early as the 560's?"
In the corner by the science section, it seemed. I began tracing the Ditz family back through history, turns out, the family stretches farther than the census can count. And I traced it back to the 100's. As I did this, Twilight trotted up to me and said the dreaded words "you need new clothes."
"WHAAAAAAT! NO! NONONONONO! I refuse to be a mannequin to that psychotic fashion designer you call your friend." I scrambled out of my seat, but was caught in a lavender cloud of magic. I was towed out the door, screaming and fighting all the way. Soon, we got to The Carousel Boutique. A door opened, and the white she-devil cantered out, switching my bonds from lavender to blue as she took control of the magic binding me.
"Thanks, Twilight, I'll take it from here." She said.
"No problem, just don't scare him." She whispered.

--------a few hours later-------

"I hate this, I hate you, and I hate my life." I groused, having a tape measure me from EVERY angle. Controlled by Rarity, of course.
"Oh, hush, you big foal." Rarity snapped at me. I was currently dressed in a pair of boxers, a t-shirt, and socks, but nothing else. I really regretted not fighting more to stay in the library. I was interrupted by a needle poking at me. I looked up, saw the door open, and saw Rarity wielding a massive amount of cloth and pins. I cut my losses and ran. I got back to the library, went inside, looked a god in the eye and told her, in no uncertain terms, that I'm never going back to that psycho, so you can stick that notion of making friends up your arse. She nodded and went back to work.